 The Herald Perry Show! Yeah! Herald Perry as Honest Herald the Homemaker. Well, here we are again in the little town of Melrose Springs, home of that popular radio show for ladies, Honest Herald the Homemaker. Honest Herald is a little sad this morning for the light of his life, the lovely Evelina is leaving Pogo. Herald and Evelina's uncle, Doc Yancey, the veterinarian, are at the station to see her off. Well, Evelina, this is farewell. Oh, now Herald, it isn't that serious. Yeah, she's only gonna be gone three days. All right, Doc. Evie, I'll miss you. I'll miss you too, Herald. And I give you my word, Evelina. While you're gone, I won't even look at another girl. Hee hee. Herald, you sound like a calf with a heave. Why don't you stick your head on the rail and see if the train is coming, huh? All right, I do have sort of a trained ear. Oh, my God. Well, that'll keep him busy for a little while. The flyer's always a half an hour late. Like I was saying, Evie, while you're away, Harold Himp is gonna be true blue. Well, good. Yes, sir, true blue. And I want you to try and have a good time in Chicago, Evie, even though I'm not there. Well, I'll try, Harold. Brave little girl. And don't you worry about me. I'll be true blue. While you're gone, I'm gonna spend all my evenings at home reading. Reading? You said it. I'm gonna read that book you gave me for Christmas a few years ago. Anthony adverse. Evie, since I'm going to be true blue, how about a little kiss? Oh, now, Harold. But give me something to remember you by. Your kiss would stay on my lips for three days with that indelible lipstick. Well... Oh, come on. All right, Harold. Train's coming, Harold. Yeah, the train's pulling in, Harold. Yeah, I heard it, Doc. Just my luck the first time she's been on time in two years. I'll take your bag, Evie. Put them on board. And good idea. Well, this is it, Evie. Don't worry about me. I'll be true blue. Goodbye, Harold. Just leave me, Evie. Don't look back. It's easier that way. Harold. Here. Hee, hee, hee, hee. Evie, you kissed me. Come on, everyone. Goodbye, Harold. Oh, Evie. Goodbye, Everliner. Watch out for card sharks. Goodbye. Goodbye. She's gone, Doc. Gone. She's one girl in a million, Doc. And she doesn't have to worry I'm going to be true blue. Hey, look what got off the train, Harold. A fat, fat gal over there. Whoo-hoo. She's a looker, ain't she? I'm not interested. Well, I am. I won't hurt you to take a peek, Harold. All right, I see her. She can't tempt me. Just because she's got red hair, pink sweater, a lot of curves. Oop, she winked at me. Come on, Doc. Let's get out of here. Main station KHJP. No, Mr. Hamp hasn't come in yet. You're welcome. Good morning, Glory. Oh, good morning, Mr. Hamp. Harold. Well, Gloria, just saw Evelina off at the station. Yes, I see you did. What? I think you look awful cute with lipstick. Oh, well, it's Evelina's. I'm going to wear it for three days. Oh, it's a very becoming shade. Oh, you like it? It's congel red. Harold, I guess you'll be kind of lonesome now with Evelina away. And if you're not doing anything tonight and want to come over, well... Uh... No, thank you, Gloria. Not that I don't appreciate it, but I'm going to be true blue to Evelina. Yes, indeed. Oh. I'm not even going to think about another girl. That goes without a red head that just got off the train. Evelina. The one with green eyes, pink sweater, who winked at me? She winked at you, Harold. Gloria, let's get this thing straight. Evelina's the only girl for me. Not going to give a thought to anybody else. In fact, I'm going to stay home tonight, curl up by the fireside, and read a red head with pink sweater. I mean the book. Oh, goodbye. I'm going to spend an evening all right. A nice Morris chair. Good book. Let's see here. Anthony adverse. Hmm, kind of thick. 1,500 pages. I wonder if they ever condensed this for quick magazine. Hey, I remember Anthony adverse. It was an old movie. Can't be too old, though. They haven't shown it on television yet. Funny about that red head at the station this morning. She did wink at me. I think. I'd add a cinder in her eye if she came from Chicago, though. Help, I'm ashamed of you. Thinking about another girl you're still wearing Evelina's lipstick. Why, Harold? Oh, hello, mother. Oh, you're reading a book. Oh, a big one, too. Yeah, it's not so big. 1,500 pages, small print. Now, Harold, you're not fooling your mother. Your mind isn't really on that book. I know who you're thinking of. You do? Evelina. Oh, Evelina. Of course. Oh, by the way, Harold. I hear there's a new girl in town. What? Visiting her uncle, Conrad Linticum. She came in on the morning train. Maybe you noticed her at the station. Why should I notice her? I understand she's an awfully pretty girl. Red hair, brown eyes. Green. Harold, such a pretty girl. One thing clear. The girl means absolutely nothing to me, and I have no intention of taking her out. Please, mother. I don't see why you keep talking about that girl, and all I want to do is spend a nice evening at home with this interesting book. Oh, I'm sorry, Harold. Now you go right ahead and read. No, I won't. I'm going out for a walk. Good night, mother. Harold's restless tonight. Oh, I know why. I'm going to the shop window all night. Getting tired of watching those tropical fish swim around. Tss. Guppies. Hey, that one with a bushy eyebrows looks like me. Silly to be upset about that girl. Probably never even see her again. Well, good evening. Good evening. What? Good morning. Good night. How have you been? I'm just visiting here, looking the town over tonight. Yeah. I wonder if you could tell me where I might get one of those real small town ice cream sodas. You know, the kind that are really yummy. Yummy. Uh-huh. Well, you can get one down to the drugstore and it's up this way. I mean, down that way. Funny I knew where it was this morning. Oh, look at those cute little fish. Yeah, guppies. Oh, there's one fish chasing another one. Uh-huh. Probably trying to catch him for her mate. Catch him for her mate? He's the one that looks like me. See you later, miss. He's close. Glad I swam away in time. There's Evelina's house. Wonderful docky-acky-ack is home. I think I'll drop in and talk to him. Take my mind off things. Old horse doctor's probably back here in his animal shed. Come in. Oh, my goodness. What a menagerie. Which one is you, doc? I'm in the clinic, Harold. You kill me, doc. Harold, is this a professional visit? Got the distemper again? This is a social call, doc. Just thought I'd drop in and play a little game of authors or something. No, I'm sorry, Harold. I'm busy tonight. I'm working on a patient. What? There she is. That cat? Steady now, Gertrude. What are you going to do with it, doc? Major surgery. I'm going to clip her nails. Heaven's sake, manicuring a cat. See, where did I put my surgical gown? Oh, poor little Gertrude. Now, you let old doc know this hurts, dear. I'll give you an anesthetic. Oh, Brian. Gosh, that girl is beautiful. Yes, Gertrude is kind of pretty. Green eyes, red hair. A striped tail. A striped tail. Doc. Well, Harold, I guess you are kind of lonesome with ever lying away. Well, it is. I can fix you up with the date tonight. Slicked young female, I know. 25 years old and never been kid. Who? Doc. Well, she needs the exercise and it'll keep you out of mischief. Well, okay, doc. Nurse made to a sway-back nag. The things I do forever lie in there. Not a nice jogging along on a country road in the moonlight. You having a good time, silver moon? A happy horse. Yes, sir. This is a way to avoid temptation, all right. Just ride along in the cool air and go home and dream of ever lining. Ever lining. Won't you pay a little? What's that? Car stalled up the road. No wonder it's one of Hank Duchess' rental cars, reconditioned reels. Whoa, silver moon. Anybody there need any help? Oh, hello. It's that pink sweater. I'm afraid my car is stalled. Stalled? Well, I'll go out into town and send out a mechanic. Give it up, silver moon. Oh, wait. Couldn't I please ride into town with you? With me? Well, I... Stop pushing me, silver moon. You wouldn't leave a girl out here in the dark all by herself. Well, no, I guess not. Oh, thank you. Give me your hand. Yeah, take my elbow. There. Aren't you the man I saw watching the tropical fish? Yeah, I'm the one with the bushy eyebrows. Get up, silver moon. Oh, my, that's a pretty name. Pretty horse. Pretty knight. Pretty warm. I'm Mary Lou Dupre. Aren't you going to introduce yourself? Oh, I'm Harold Hemp. They call me Honest Harold... I mean, Honest Harold Hoemaker on the radio. Radio? But that's a coincidence. I'm in show business, too. I'm a nightclub singer in New York. What they call a chanteuse. A chanteuse? I sing songs of love and... passion. Bet your own brother get up somewhere. Songs like this. Excuse... You have? Have you ever read Anthony Ann verse? I've got you. Skin. Whoa, silver moon. Miss Dupre? I can't fight this thing any longer. It's bigger than both of us. What kind of lipstick do you use? Congo red. Good. Same kind I'm wearing. I'll hate myself in the morning, but what the heck? You mind your own business, silver moon? We'll return for the second act of our story, Honest Harold, in just a moment. But first... I have a friend's script, Rave Notice, and I'm sorry to report that there's not one joke in it that I can steal. However, it's a very fascinating and terrifying story, I promise you. And, of course, it will star America's most distinguished dramatic actor, Milton Burl. Uncle Melty to you. Thank you. Yes, tomorrow night on Radio's Outstanding Theatre of Drills, suspense, Milton Burl will star in Rave Notice. Oh, brother. We'll be on most of these same CBS stations. Don't miss Milton Burl on suspense at CBS The Star's Address tomorrow night. Oh, by the way, listen for Harold Perry's important announcement at the end of our show. And now, back to Honest Harold, the homemaker. Well, it's the morning actor for Honest Harold. Last night, his accidental meeting with the attractive Mary Lou turned into a romantic interlude. Now, in the cold light of day, Harold is filled with remorse. I sure am. I'm a cad. For he lost his head and kissed the charming chanteuse. Well, just once, but I shouldn't have done it. No will power. Aren't you ashamed, Harold? Yes. What? Will you ever forgive me, Evelyn? Right now, Honest Harold is entering the radio station with a heavy tread and a guilty heart. Harold Hemp, you're a bounder, and you wanted to run for mayor. Good morning, Harold. Oh, good morning, Gloria. Gosh, you look a little peek at this morning. You shouldn't have stayed up so late last night. What? Read that book, Anthony Adverse. Did he kiss the girl yet? Yeah, he sure did. I think it's noble the way you're staying home at night while Evelyn is gone. What a sneaky thing I did. And oh, how sweet and sentimental. You're still wearing Evelina's lipstick, Congo red. Yeah, I got a fresh coat last night. See you later, Gloria. At least nobody knows about it yet. Why did I ever say... Hemp? Get that dazed look off your face. Remember me, I'm the station manager. Oh, good morning, station... Stanley? Coming to my office, Hemp. I bet he's found out about it. And he likes Evelina, too. Hemp, I want to talk to you. I deny everything. What? Anyway, I only kissed her once. Hemp, what are you saying? You've done the same thing, Stanley. A lonely rose, silver moon, her perfume. I didn't know what I was doing. I'm only human, Stanley. Hemp, stop tugging at my lapels. I don't know what you're talking about. You don't? Isn't that what you wanted to see me about? I called you in to talk to you about your monthly office report. Oh, the office report? Yes. You single-spaced it again, and you know it should be double-spaced. Oh, I'll double-space it, Stanley. I'll triple-space it. Anything you say, Stanley. You're wonderful. So understanding the nicest boss a fool ever had... Harrow. Oh, mistake. Sorry, Stanley. But say, you look cute with that cupid's bow on your cheek. It's congel red. Things are guilty about. Just one little kiss. Didn't mean a thing to either one of us. Hi, boy. Oh, Pete, the town marshal. What are you doing, Pete? Writing out a parking ticket for this bicycle. Too close to the fire plug. Oh, for heaven's sake. You being buggy-riding lately, boy? What do you mean, Pete? Yeah, just a minute, Harrow. I gotta fill out this ticket. Make a bicycle, sears, roadbuck, atomic flyer. Pete, did you see me last night? I sure did, boy. I was all looking for chicken thieves. There was a cute little Rhode Island red you had. Quite a smoocher, aren't you, boy? Now, look here, Pete. Don't you try to make a big thing out of this. Just one harmless little kiss. Didn't mean a thing to me. In fact, I'm never gonna see that girl again. I'm through with her. Yeah, but is she through with you? Huh? If you ask me, you're in trouble, boy. Trouble? What do you mean? Just a minute, Harrow. Distance of vehicle from Fireplug, four feet. Pete! He's at five feet. Pete, I wanna talk to you. I will split the difference, call it four and a half. Pete, what did you mean? Is she through with me? Well, I heard about a case like yours just the other day. Bella kissed a girl, thought he was through with her. What did she do? Shot him in the stomach. Shot him? She loved him. But Pete? Shot him? Cause she loved him. Stop saying that. You don't think this girl would shoot me? Hey, just a minute, Harrow. Gotta finish this ticket. Attitude of driver. And now that's a tough one. Pete, listen to me. Oh, Char, the whole thing is a mistake, Harrow. Mistake? You mean about the girl shooting the fella? No, the joke's on me. Making out a ticket from my own bicycle. Oh, Frank! Good boy! Home tonight, Harrow? Yes, Mother. I wanna finish the book. That's nice. Thank you, Mother. And then Marshall, he spoiled my whole day. Mary Lou wouldn't shoot me. This is silly. She couldn't fall in love with me over one little kiss. Of course I am rather attractive. I was wearing my new shaving lotion last night. I'll get here. I can't live another moment without him. Let me close the door. I'll just tell her that kiss meant nothing to me. She won't care. She locked the door. She's hiding the key. Oop! Come sit down. Huh? No, here on the floor. What? On this tiger skin. Oh! Did you see him? And if I sit on you? You get this little old tiger. I shot him. Got pushy eyebrows too. Mary Lou, I wanted to tell you something. Harrow, get last night. The moonlight. You and I sitting close to each other. You and I sitting close in the buggy. Oh, that was my shaving lotion. Lumberyardly. Your kiss in the dark. Oh, it still lingers on my lips. Indelible lipstick. I'll never forget it as long as I live. You won't? I mean, you won't? And now that I've found you at last. My own true love. I'll never let you go. What? And if you should ever try to leave me. Do you know what I do? I'd shoot you. You would never leave me, would you, Harold? Oh, no. Why would I want to leave you, Evelina? Evelina? Then there is another woman. You've been deceiving me. And you call yourself Honest Harold. The homemaker. One kiss. Mary Lou, what are you reaching in your purse for? Is that a gun? I'm gonna shoot you with this Mouser, you rat. The thing is pointing right at me. Mary Lou! Where's that tiger? Mary Lou, put away that Mouser. What? Oh, hello, mother. Help me up. Oh, you must have dozed off, Harold. Oh, yeah. Oh, I have some wonderful news for you. Dr. Yancey just called. Evelina's coming back sooner than she thought. She is when? On the 8.20 tonight. Isn't that wonderful? Oh, you said it. You better hurry if you're going to meet her. Oh, my, but you're pale, Harold. Hope you're not catching another cold. Maybe the doctor ought to give you a shot. If Mary Lou doesn't do it first. Now who's that? Hello? Harold? Oh, Mary Lou. Harold? This is Harold's mother speaking. Harold is near. He's gone to Timbuktu. Goodbye. You're always joking. That's what you think. Goodbye, mother. The train isn't in yet. Well, only honest thing to do is to tell Evelina the whole story. At least if Mary Lou shoots me, I'll die with a clear... Harold? Oops, Mary Lou. She followed me down here. Harold, I want to talk to you. This is it. I'm glad I wore my new herringbone. Oh, I'm glad you're here. I wanted to tell you goodbye. Goodbye? My agent phoned me from New York. He has a job for me there and I'm leaving on the next train. You are? Harold, I wanted to clear up one thing before I go. That little kiss in the buggy last night. I hope you didn't take it seriously. No. Good. Oh, you're very sweet, Harold. But I couldn't fall in love with you in a million years. You couldn't? Thank you. That's the nicest thing any girl ever said to me. What? Oh, there's my train. Goodbye, Harold. Goodbye, Mary Lou. Oh, nice as shantous I've ever met. Oh, there's Evelina getting off now. Evelina! Evelina! Oh, hello, Harold. You didn't have to come down to meet me. Glad to do it. Gosh, it's nice to see you again. Oh, there you are, Evelina. Peabody. What's he doing down here? Hello, Stanley. I'm glad you're here, Hem. What? Evelina, I think there's something you want to know about Honest Harold. While your back was turned, he went buggy riding with another girl. And that isn't all. He kissed her. But there she is just getting on the train. That pretty girl? Is that true, Harold? Um, yes, it is. Oh, that's wonderful. Ah. Oh, how intriguing. I didn't realize you had that much charm and dash. Ah. What about Evelina? Stanley, it looks like you've been getting a little romantic yourself. Isn't that lipstick on your cheek? Oh, that's mine. What? And I'm about ready for another coat. Pucker up, Evelina. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have just heard the Harold Perry show, Honest Harold, who returns in just a moment with an important announcement. The supporting players tonight included Mary Jane Croft, Catherine Card, Viola Vaughn, Ken Peters, and Polly Bayer and featured Gloria Holiday as Gloria and Joseph Kearns as Old Doc Yak Yak. Norman McDonald directed and the music was composed and conducted by Jack Meakin. Honest Harold, created by Harold Perry, was written by Gene Stone, Jack Robinson, and Dick Powell. Now back to Harold Perry for his important announcement. Oh, yeah, that's me, isn't it? Now, just what was that message, Harold? Bob, we talked about it last week, but for the people who missed it, I'm hunting for a laughing lady, someone we can invite to appear on our show. And all the gal has to do is just laugh? That's right. Her laugh will enter in the Honest Harold Laugh Contest, and it begins right in her hometown. So, ladies, if the Laugh Contest is being conducted in your city, please enter. And you may be here with us some Wednesday night. Well, say that sounds like fun. Oh, it is, Bob. Come on, girls. Let's all laugh. Look at Quick Magazine for a quick look at Harold Perry on your newsstands tomorrow. Milton Berle's voice came to you by transcription. Now stay tuned for the season's premiere of The Bing Crosby Show with Bob Hope and Judy Garland as special guests. The Bing Crosby Show follows immediately on most of these same CBS stations. Bob LeMond speaking. This is CBS, the Columbia Broadcasting System.