 When you abandon the narcissist Usually when we think of a narcissistic relationship It is the narcissist who is pulling the strings It is the narcissist who is in control of everything They are doing the love bombing the devaluing They set the mood They decide if there's going to be a temporary cheerful mood or a gloomy atmosphere When they know they've got you They lose interest in you They start devaluing you and then when they no longer have any use for you. They discard you But what happens when the shoe is on the other foot? What happens when you are the one who abandons them? What happens when you walk out the door? When you leave the narcissist They don't like it They see it as though you're abandoning them They see it as though you have seized the support or look after them when all the narcissists wants to support That's why they targeted you They were looking for a caretaker They were looking for someone to look after them and make their lives easier And when you decide to leave the narcissist They feel like they have lost their control over you They start to feel invalidated as though their version of events no longer holds any weight They fear that they are going to lose all of the conveniences that you brought to their lives They fear that now they will be unable to proceed without difficulty Because life was so much easier when you were around You were the cause of their easy and effortless way of life They had nothing to worry about when they were with you Maybe they didn't have to worry about cleaning the house or paying the bills Everything was taken care of but when you leave You are transferring those responsibilities on to them When all the narcissist ever tries to do is avoid the responsibilities They want you to take care of the grown-up stuff While they just focus on playing and enjoying themselves But when you leave You pull the rug out from under them You remove all of your support and assistance Which would normally force a person to take responsibility for their own lives But that is not going to happen with the narcissist They're not certainly going to become independent They're not going to become self-sufficient, self-supporting or self-sustaining They might have been that way before But now they've gotten used to the high life They're used to enjoying the extravagant life that you were providing to them And narcissists are like big babies They will do anything to avoid taking care of themselves If you leave a narcissist to their own devices They will go insane It will trigger a narcissistic injury and provoke narcissistic rage They will mock you and act as though you're the one who needs them As though you would struggle to survive without them Or they will act as though they have a lack of interest, concern or sympathy for you When you leave the narcissist They feel like you're abandoning them Narcissists are very fragile, vulnerable people Even if you just leave the house for an hour Or go to work They will feel like you're abandoning them Or feel like you have seized the support or looked after them They cannot deal with separation The thought of you going away anywhere drives them insane There may be a time where you need to go away For a few days or weeks Maybe it's something to do with work or family issue And as that day gets closer and closer When you are about to leave The narcissist will be unable to relax They will experience nervousness and anxiety They will get very upset They will argue with you over petty things They will turn more hills into mountains Everything will seem more difficult And the more you try to make things right The worse they will become Until the day you are about to leave When they will fly into a rage Which is also what you might experience When you come back Instead of expressing how much they have missed you They will seem hesitant and uncertain They will seem detached from you They will be very angry that you left Even if it was the narcissist who had to leave They would still be angry Because they cannot deal with being apart from you It drives them insane If you are dealing with a narcissist You will find that you never spend any time apart They will see you as a bad person for even desiring to have any time to yourself You will find that you spend every second of the day around the narcissist Catering to their demands The sound of their voice dominates your every waking moment Because they cannot deal with being away from you They are like big babies They are emotionally underdeveloped They depend on you for comfort, convenience and efficiency They struggle to function without you They cannot say goodbye like an adult Because they haven't developed properly emotionally They don't understand that their caretaker is separate from them They don't understand what happens when you leave It's like they've lost a part of themselves People who have a grandiose self-interest Are very sensitive to rejection Anyone who dismisses or refuses the narcissist's proposal or idea Or receive an exaggerated response The narcissist cannot deal with rejection They cannot deal with non-acceptance But they are not going to display this to you Narcissists do not want to look fragile or weak They will act like they don't care And rather than trying to understand their feelings of abandonment They are going to rage at you Up until this point You may have seen someone who is so controlling Someone who is so dominant Someone who always had to have power and influence over you But when you decide to leave That is when you will see how fragile and weak they really are Because they cannot deal with separation And the more you try to comfort them The worse they are going to get Because by trying to comfort them You are just revealing and disclosing that they are weak The narcissist is so terrified of abandonment That they will often abandon you first They see it as though that is the only way for them to avoid abandonment It allows them to control their narrative It allows them to control their fear of being abandoned They are afraid of losing their supply They are afraid of losing validation They are afraid of losing their control over you They also cannot deal with the painful feelings of humiliation and distress That they will experience from being rejected When you leave the narcissist They feel like you are abandoning them Narcissists always feel unsafe They always feel like they are at risk of danger or harm They feel like people are always out to get them Like people are always trying to do them wrong Or get went over on them So in their minds they have to protect themselves They have to look after their own interests Even when no one is trying to fool or deceive them It can be something they are just experiencing in their minds Something that isn't actually happening And one of the greatest fears and threats for a narcissist Is abandonment Which is why they will often transfer their fears onto you By threatening to leave you They will tell you that they are going to leave Even though they have no intention of doing it And this is actually a form of gaslighting It's designed to keep you on your toes Forcing you to stay active, alert and focused on them So that you will then conform to their rules Or predetermined courses of action So that you will behave according to their expected standards of behaviour It's just designed to get you to do what they want By making you fear that they are going to leave you They will make threats Saying that they are going to file for a divorce Or call an attorney To put you in a state of fear And make you comply with whatever they want you to do But if one day you finally had enough And you say okay, let's get a divorce The narcissist will fall back And tell you they didn't really mean it They will say that you should try to work things out This happens because it triggered their feelings of abandonment As long as the narcissist is in control of the narrative And they are the ones making the threats They can avoid those feelings of abandonment Especially if they know that you don't want that to happen But when you give in And you let go of your resistance towards their propositions The narcissist will fall back From the idea that they were initially representing Because they just can't deal with rejection They can't deal with losing control over the narrative And losing the conveniences that you bring to their lives Thank you for watching I hope this video resonated with you Please like, comment, share and subscribe Click the bell icon to receive notifications For my future videos Check out the new Narc Survival website At www.narcsurvivour.co.uk You can read my blog posts, book coaching sessions And join the support forum If you would like to donate My PayPal link is in the video description Coaching inquiries You can email me at coaching.narcsurvivour.co.uk Thank you for watching and I'll talk to you soon