 Peace be upon you and welcome to Making a House a Home on Imam Hussain TV with myself Raghad Baqir and our expert life coach and NLP practitioner Fahima Mohamed who today will be discussing about hijab. Peace be upon you Fahima. Peace be upon you. Thank you for bringing up such a crucial and delicate subject which is the hijab. It's something that a lot of women today, especially today and in this country, not so much struggle with but question and because they have a lot of questions coming towards them as well. One of the main question I hear is, is it a cultural or is it a religious thing, the hijab? Another question that I always come across is, is hijab actually mentioned in the Quran because a lot of people say actually it's not that the hijab itself, the one on the head is not mentioned in the Quran, it's just mentioned to dress up in a way where you cover your body, you cover your chest, you're modest. What are your thoughts on that? There is a lack of knowledge and assumption of hijab and remember that the Quran was written in the grammar and in the language that we even today do not have that understanding and the meaning but the correct terminology for hijab is not actually mentioned in the Quran but hijab, the head covering is mentioned but it's the word which is used which is called the khimar. So that in the Quran is definitely there so if there's any sort of misunderstanding or you know sort of like thinking that it actually isn't such a thing and we don't need to have our head covered and it's just the modesty from the neck below or whatever that may be it's absolutely incorrect because hijab is most definitely mentioned but not in that sort of wording. So hijab is something that adds to the khimar meaning that you know you have the akhlaq and at the same time hijab is not just for women, it is the physical aspect and the social aspect of how we should behave, how we should you know be inside and out and not just you know on the surface of how we wear the hijab. So you're saying hijab is something for us, it's like a barrier for us in terms not just for how we dress but how we act, absolutely and nowadays it is very much seen upon as it's just for women and it's just the appearance on the outside but it's much deeper and that's why there are really misunderstandings and doubts and people that are wearing it don't believe in it but they kind of feel that they're forced to because of society and community and they're not happy and they're not confident and it's a real shame because it's a beautiful piece that represents everything that you know we can stand for in Islam you know and at the same time you know you can really wear it proudly there are people that could look differently without hijabs and get scrutinized or get picked on but I know in this day and age and where we're living and with everything that's happening you know there are challenges and tests but in history Islam has always been challenged and tested with the religion itself and wearing hijab but it didn't deter people from following and you know conforming to what is said in the Quran and what needs to be and there's definitely benefits and there's definitely protection and there's definitely even in society when we first came as humans you know to cover yourselves and to look decent and to look modest and also for people to look at you not by just from your outward appearances even to today's modern world women complain about that yeah they don't like to be seen in a certain way because the fact that people are looking at them differently whether or not they make the effort to or not so they want to be seen for what they think and you know and what do they speak but obviously the outward appearance is you know not correct so they sometimes find it difficult whereas in Islam when you have hijab you know people do view you differently yeah and yes there's negativity but there's negativity everywhere it's it's quite funny how actually nowadays society looks at hijab as a demoralizing and oppressive an oppressive piece of thing to wear on your head or garments to wear whereas actually it's very very empowering and what you were saying it's protective because what's going on in the media the past couple of weeks how women are just so demoralized of because of how they dress and where they're working how the males behave towards them hijab actually to some extent prevents that prevents this demoralization of women and this and objectivizing women yeah absolutely but then again you know we always look on the outward side of things and the outside of things which is you know it's normal we human and that's how we judge but Islam goes a lot deeper and it's really there in the Quran for men and women and it's not just the outward dress it's no point even thinking that you're wearing the hijab and you're doing your duty when you don't have the heart and the mind and the way in which you treat people the way in which you talk and how you actually behave so it's actually in the Quran for us all hijab is there khimar is there for us all to cover and to sort of you know like you said have a barrier between what is right and wrong and how to behave and at the same time as Muslims you know we should be proud of it we might think as women that there might be some sort of like you know restriction or there's not certain things that we can and cannot do but it's the way in which you're taught and brought up with it and how you can work around it and at the same time you know there are differences in the way people wear hijab and everyone's on their own journey no one should be judged and even your opinions shouldn't really be given and you know and if you are going to give guidance and you do feel there's certain people that are not wearing it a certain way there's a way in which you say it and everyone's on their own journey you know and there's cultural influences on how people wear hijab which you know people have an opinion of whether it's right or wrong or if they're living in the west and it's more westernized and you know it's not the proper attire in the way it should be but you know all these things don't give people a hard time so you're saying that's where culture comes in the way the hijab is worn and not the actual hijab yeah but that's also because you're looking at it from the outside view you know doesn't mean even if someone's not wearing the hijab that they don't have the etiquette they don't have the manners they don't have the akhlaq you can't demoralize people for not wearing it either or even taking it off there are so many people that are being you know sort of like dismissed in the community if someone takes the hijab off which actually makes them go further away yeah so that's actually something that we cannot do and we cannot say and only Allah is the judge of us all so you know to show empathy and to show understanding and to give support for people that are going through what they're going through and find out their reasons if you feel close enough to do that and still invite them because people like oh well they took the hijab now we don't want that influence in our house and if there's a gather some sort of gathering or whatever it may be they might not be invited or they might not be looked at and they'd be you know seen in a certain way which even comes across as negative so obviously they're going to turn further away and thinking that whatever they decided is actually the right way so you know the treatment of people and how you act and behave regardless of how you think you are you do not have that right to be in that way so hijab is more about the inward you know it's how you are from the inside first so don't think just because you're wearing it you know you're above it all or you know better you should still be improving Islam and being Muslim is not just being it's becoming more becoming more you know sort of educated becoming more and more religious becoming more of something that you sort of attain to towards so no one's ever going to be there even if you're wearing it so don't judge someone else for not wearing it yeah absolutely and you know at the same time the Quran has mentioned in about hijab in surah 24 verse 27 and it's more about social etiquette so it has been stated in many terms in the Quran regarding you know that hijab is more to do with regards to how you are inside and that has been you know over and over again and it applies to men and women and the hijab is you know I think we as women it's been given a hard time but you have to bring it both sides because men as well you know wearing certain you know clothing and being modern and being up to date you know there's also restrictions and the behavior absolutely so you know how you come across is really important and that is hijab first and foremost is that sort of treatment of how you are yeah well you know that that makes a lot of sense because in actual fact what does hijab mean it actually the actual wording is barrier so yes it is right that for both men and women hijab should be applied also I would like to say that you know in this day and age we we have got more sort of like problems with regards to you know like some places in some countries in Europe they banning the hijab then banning the niqab and you know we use that as an excuse for us not to practice our religion but at the same time like I said you know history has shown that Islam has always been under some sort of scrutiny with regards to our beliefs and our practices and there are certain things that people will use an excuse to say I'm not putting the hijab on because I won't get this job or you know I won't get this opportunity but if you actually knew the meaning and if you're doing it in regards to you know the love of Allah and the understanding of it then you actually will go further and maybe that job is not even for you but actually might should be where you actually get it because of that and whatever happens to you know absolutely I'm gonna put this hijab no matter what and Allah will give me this job absolutely not this man or this woman and you know we are we can't be blinded to say that yes we can you know we're not gonna maybe face some sort of aggression or any sort of like you know sort of one-to-one face off every now and again you know the odd words the odd words so no we need to sort of make people aware of it as to you know how to respond how to act and you yourself if you wear the hijab you need to be proud by actually understanding you know why you're wearing it and when children wear it from a young age it is said that it's recommended from the age of when they become you know of age yes so you know for girls beginning sort of like age 9 or 10 a lot of people do argue especially parents that they're too young and they don't understand and to a certain extent that's true but it's about you know just like Salah it's about training and you know getting them into a habit because it's all of a sudden if you just want to put it on somebody then it's also gonna be it's gonna be difficult so it's training and from a young mind they're more likely to be influenced by you as well so there's a lot of reasons around it and in psychology if you want something you will go out there and you look for answers to make it work but if you're already doubtful then you're gonna find it hard to actually train your child you're actually gonna find it difficult because yourself don't believe in it you're that for yourself yes bring it to your child and the way in which you treat your children you teach your children how to be you know observant of hijab and as to love it it doesn't just start from the age of 9 you know they follow you pet the parents you got to take them over you got to show them you know the benefits you're gonna tell them stories you're gonna be inventive and creative like you know if they really young you know if there was a suite on the floor would you pick it up if it was for example wrapped covered or open you know things like that you can be creative you can make things up to make them understand you know the most important than the you know the most expensive jewel is protected and it's covered you know things like that yeah and I remember when we were growing up we're told like fruits natural fruits will all came in in a shell or a cover protection protection and as soon as you do remove that cover after a while it will change kind of that's another example yeah so you need to be inventive to make the girl understand because a lot of girls they don't understand why am I wearing this why are they covering me up is it you know is there something wrong with me yeah a lot of girls would have that question but when you explain to them how precious they are and that's why they should be covered it's actually a beautiful thing yes because I'm very empowering absolutely and you're building confidence within that person other than just how they look on the outside yeah it's so much more that hijab gives you if it's taught in a particular way and then the other aspect is when you have maybe maybe the older generation or maybe even you know this generation where they might scare children and say that you know Allah's gonna you know you know burn your hair and you know you hear things like this how if you don't pray your Salah and if you don't do it right it's not accepted and Allah doesn't no one has that right to say that only Allah can judge you can only guide in a good way and you don't scare children that's why people are turning and when they young you teach them how to what hijab by practice and by being inventive with these stories but as they grow up they're gonna be changing and they're gonna be facing different challenges and tests while wearing the hijab so you don't stop because their mind is developing and they questions a lot more deeper and meaningful so don't think just because they put it on at the age of nine you got to leave them that's when you don't you know you gotta you don't leave them you continue at every stage they're at to reassure them that actually what they're doing especially when they become teenagers like 13 and then going into high school and then they might feel restrictive and they might feel that they can't do certain things but you can work around it I think the most problem isn't actually in high school or school itself it's mainly when they start to look for jobs and work and naturally a lot of times you are going to be rejected whether you wear hijab or not and people like to find reason why they're being rejected so they will say oh it's probably because I'm wearing this hijab so I'll take it off I think that's the most challenging time yes absolutely I mean everyone wants to conform and they want to put themselves in boxes and they want to also be part of certain societies and certain clicks so obviously if you think like that then you're gonna follow in a certain way but if you want to be individual and you want to represent your values and your beliefs then that's where the difference come in and that's when you can be strong in whatever you choose to do and the right path will actually be there for you you know so at the same time we might have these problems in society but with your complete understanding and belief you can really go much further than you think so don't make excuses and in coaching you know if a child feels like that or if you feel that there is sort of like you know doubts about certain things you question because most time it's generalization and it's not really that bad so you can actually wear hijab you can be proud of it but it needs to be you know taught properly it needs to be understood properly so that you can actually you know progress and learn through the stages and phases in life and be confident to wear it thank you so much Fahima we are coming towards the end of the first part of the show and as we always do the second half of the show we'll be taking some of your questions to Fahima inshallah regarding hijab we'll be back soon Salam alaikum and welcome back to making a house at home with myself Raghad Baqir and Fahima Muhammad who we have some questions for you okay the first question is from Ferdows and she asks how do I influence my daughter to wear hijab yeah I mean like we sort of touched on that a little bit earlier it does it doesn't matter what stage or what age that you feel that your daughter needs to wear the hijab and I don't know particularly what stage this is at but it's about you know you yourself loving hijab you need to understand why is it that you're wearing it because you know people follow what it is that they love and you become a role model and you can only do that with full belief of what it represents what does it mean what are the opportunities one of the benefits you know how beautiful it really is because you know in society today we we sort of like look at certain you know images and we think that's it that's how we got a look that's how we got to be and as growing girls and teenagers you know it is actually quite testing especially now to you know look a certain way and be a certain way and wearing the hijab might seem restricting and it might seems like you know you can't show yourself the way it needs to be so it's all it's all to do with your perception and your belief and in order to really influence your child you really have to be close enough to them to sort of create those habits from a very young age and like I said before throughout their stages you have to constantly reinforce it so that whatever they're going through whatever they're facing whether it's school or college university or work that you know whatever problems they might be facing and challenges that you can address it to say well actually you know there are people out there without hijab and they're facing just the same problems or just the same challenges but you know you're going in there facing it you know being yourself representing who you are and what you believe in even though that doesn't you know involve you you know personally to sort of you know enforce that on anyone else but you out their confidence you know to be an individual so you need to build you know characters and virtues within those children to be you know proud of wearing hijab and the only way you can do that is to sort of like understand it yourself because a lot of the time it's like it's written it's society it's culture this is what you have to do you'll be burnt if you don't or you know it's not look it's not right you know respect all of these things yeah it doesn't work that way it's just shame that a lot of parents don't have that away they don't have the tools as you mentioned earlier they mentioned things such as adab and going to hell and it's haram not to whereas they can go around the other direction and say that it's the best thing for you and just try and implement pride in the job try and implement confidence when you're wearing the hijab make your daughter feel confident that she's wearing it so that the slightest word or the slightest comment isn't going to shake her as we say yeah and you know if there are any sort of like doubts you know you need to question them what are the doubts because a lot of it is generalized and a lot of it is put you know so widely that it isn't really a problem so it's not about just giving information to your children it's about trying to see what is their doubts about wearing hijab and getting the real answers then yeah that's great I have another question from her dad and she asks my friend took off her hijab and it upsets me how do I deal with this and how do I continue our friendship you know friendships and relationships are something which should always be there in good and bad times in challenging and testing times and what you are you can't enforce on anyone else and everyone's going through their own journey with their own sort of like experiences and to be a real good friend you do not judge and you do not have the opinions and if you if you close enough you can maybe you know give some guidance but only if it's you know required and if it's said in the right way and just be understanding and compassionate and don't push that person away and yes it can be upsetting but you know you have that understanding it seems where you know you're proud of your hijab and you love it and you probably won't take it off but you know everyone's going through their own tests and you know you can be that person that can bring them back so don't lose hope and don't be judgmental and don't be sad you know be lucky that you actually have a friend that is going through that and you're next to them to go through that journey with them so that you know they're not going to be lost completely hopefully and it's not even a loss that's not even a good way to say they're going through their own stages in life you know and there's probably not much understanding or knowledge or they just also there's you know we go through stages in life where we don't have that faith which is really strong you can't go around walking with constant to what call and constant belief and constant you know and the armor of faith doesn't work that way we go up and down and some people take it to levels that you and I may not but you have to be understanding you know you have to sort of question like well what can I do to help you know or what is it that you're going through it's all questioning it's all understanding and being compassionate and support and supporting absolutely she's going through something yeah supporting her through it and maybe she'll come out the other side and have that you might and want to put it back on it takes time and it actually takes a lot of guts to actually even take it off you know because there must be something really strong or something that's lacking or something you know whatever it may be so it's it's it's very deep and I think it's very easy to just dismiss it and to just like you know give your opinion and you know something and the other person doesn't and then you want to step away or you want to make a point that it's not right but there's a way in which you do it and if she's a friend then if anything you need to stand by her you know even more so at this time thanks a lot I have a question from Sara I find wearing hijab really challenging and restrictive what can I do about that well you need to question like as a coach you know we are trained and you need to sort of like you know when people say it's challenging and it's restrictive I will go deep and find out what exactly is the challenge what exactly are you being restricted you know from because a lot of the time as humans you know when you study human behavior human way of thinking and you know we generalize we distort and we delete information in our heads and that can you know when we have those thoughts and we have those judgments within ourselves and the stories that we tell ourselves we can act upon it in a way that can you know have an adverse effect on our actions so first of all you know if you need to question yourself what exactly is my challenge can it be overcome because if it's a challenge it can definitely be overcome yeah okay what is being restricting you know what is that you know sort of thing that's holding back you know yeah is it in work is it in relationships relationships of course and what are the alternatives because there's always alternatives it's just that we say oh it's really difficult so I'm not going to do it because at the end of the day that's subconsciously we don't want to do it anyway and we're just looking for an excuse so in order to sit down and analyze this you know is it really the hedge up or is it something else because other people wearing a job or not can go through the same issues as you but we use certain things as an excuse for us you know but hijab doesn't hinder us at all yeah and there's many people that are athletes there are as many people around the world now that are doing things that they haven't done before wearing hijab doctor surgeons absolutely athletes it's not hindering yeah it does not hindering so if you want to use an excuse you can use whatever excuse you want and if you want to make it something that is a positive it's how you look at it but question yourself about it and be aware of the benefits of it and be patient yes be patient that the answers are not all going to come to you but if you you know you know that this is what you need to do and you're doing it with the love of Allah and you're doing it for the love of your religion you're doing it because you know that's what you want to represent even through those struggling times if it's not that it'll be something else but it rather be this because you're not gonna you know basically be in a way where you're gonna compromise you know whatever is that you feel that you know you know that is right then you will continue so life is very testing and life is very restricting and challenging being women being under you know ethnic minority but you know what we complain a lot and we make excuses but actually you know living in London living in Europe even you know especially in London we are very blessed we might have people that are around the world that are complaining for Sharia law but actually I think England's already got that but they don't see it yeah we have equal rights they look after everyone no matter what you go to certain so-called Islamic countries they won't even look at you unless you from that country they won't give you the benefits unless you from there you go talking in the street you go speak you want to have a march they will not allow you it's not even if you're not from that country but you need to be from a certain class yeah and that's what I have a country's or even Muslim countries they don't know that down upon people that are wearing hijab because they considered as the second class I've seen it a lot yeah so it's not really an excuse that you're in the UK that hijab is making you feel restricted you have your right maybe there's something wrong with that workplace in particular I don't think it's something to do with with where we live maybe you need to change the workplace rather than change yourself for the workplace if it's what she's talking about yeah I mean even in workplaces it's also about education yeah you know people don't understand it and they might have a view which is like at first might be you know where it's you know it's not very nice but then you can change that you can make that difference you know by being proud of who you are talking about what you do being normal you know in front maybe there might be you know certain dinners types that are going on in workplaces or in society itself but once they start to talk to you once they start to understand you you can break down those stereotypes you can be the person who does do that yeah so you know question yourself don't just say that this is you know what it is and that's how it goes because we you know as humans we have a habit of just you know going with making excuses and then you know giving ourselves you know a reason for doing something that actually in the back of my mind this is what I want to do anyway or you know or you're scared or you're just not confident but if you actually question yourself and if you have you know the ability to sort of you know in in coaching for example it's called sort of like you know you will actually broaden the question to make it bigger because it's not a big deal or you will narrow it so you know there are certain tools and strategies that could help if you were to talk to somebody who is professional about any challenge in life and they will bring you to a stage where you realize well it's not that bad and I can you know I can choose a different you know an idea and it's all to do with your head the way in which you think the way in which you perceive things and there's alternatives but we are very narrow-minded we conform we say no it's this way it shouldn't be that way so someone tells us something we do not question it because we feel okay that's the excuse now we can just you know carry on the way we feel we've always wanted to do in the first place there's so many reasons behind that so again just be confident that inshallah you know if you're wearing hijab it is it is testing it's challenging it's more obviously on the women than it is for men but at the same time you are only going to benefit and there's only blessing in it and you will get further inshallah inshallah yeah and who better to please than Allah sometimes when you take up your hijab you want to please your boss all your friends but ultimately we just want to please Allah in this world yeah there is definitely you know understanding there that we have to know our purpose for being here and whatever we do does lay the path ahead of us so whatever challenges you face you know just push through it and try and be you know a little bit more grateful for where you are what you're doing and it only opens you up to grow and evolve to something a lot more stronger and increase your iman in that way read more and inshallah you know whatever challenges you have it will only get easier over time inshallah okay I have a question from Muna and she asks is hijab mentioned in the Quran we touched on that earlier yeah like I said you know we need to understand the language of the Quran and today we call hijab but obviously it's mentioned as khimar as the head covering so definitely you know there is a head covering that is recommended and that's definitely obligatory in the Quran for women to dress in a particular way and you know hijab is the social aspect as well as the physical aspect of things and it's for everyone so if you want to not wear the hijab and if you put any reasons if you feel you want to not you know put it on or whatever it may be you have your reasons for it but don't say because it's not written in the Quran you know don't say because I don't believe in it because it's not written anywhere that is completely incorrect we have to know the meaning and if you don't know and if you want to double check go to the manager go to wherever sources that you might feel and they will you know reinforce that it is definitely there so don't use that as an excuse that oh I don't believe in it I don't really feel it I don't understand that you know it's not written anywhere we ourselves we cannot go to a doctor and say oh we don't understand what you're doing they've you know studied for years so we trust that so that's why we know where the Maraja come in and we need to trust what is being said we need to go to certain people that we can you know really believe that they've given us this information because it's definitely correct and it definitely exists so whatever reasons you might feel that you don't want to wear it or you might think that it's cultural it's not cultural it is religious and there's definitely reasons and benefits to wearing it that are written in the Quran yeah as I always mentioned there's nothing in the Quran that's written for us if it's not for a reason and if it's not for our own benefits and that's what we always have to remember I think that's a good way to end today's show and Sha Allah we have been able to benefit you in as much as we can and we really appreciate all your questions and thank you so much for watching and we'll be back next week in Sha Allah with more topics thank you if you've been affected by the following topics raised in this episode please contact your local GP or for Heeran Muhammad on coachfm1.hotmail.com