 When narcissists do this, watch out. Narcissists are completely self-absorbed, they're completely preoccupied with their own feelings, interests and situation, they're only interested in themselves, they don't care about anyone else. They don't even view you or anyone else as a real person, you're either a positive or a negative extension of them. Initially you may not realize that you're a positive extension of a narcissist, but pay attention to how they treat the people around them, especially their exes, but also waiters, their employees or anyone else who they deem to be inferior to them. That will reveal to you who and what you're dealing with, and that you are just a positive extension of a narcissist. But even then, as you may have already experienced, that was just a honeymoon period. It doesn't last for long. Narcissists are the exact opposite of normal, functional people. If you are around someone who is emotionally healthy, the more time you spend with them the more your value increases. But with a narcissist, the more time you spend around them, the more your value goes down. And the more they begin to treat you with contempt, because as they are dysfunctional, it's inevitable that things will go wrong. They will have mood swings or depression. They will lash out at you, because in their minds it's black or it's white. It's either you or it's them, and it's never them. They're perfect, they're special, they're never at fault, and they expect favorable treatment at all times. They genuinely believe that if they want something, they should have it. Never mind that they didn't earn it or work for it. They don't even consider if they even deserve it. They want it, so in their minds they should have it, and yet they will always spin it around on you, and shame you for wanting anything from them. As though you're not meant to have your own feelings and needs, because they see you as an extension of them, so they expect you to want whatever they want and whatever they want it. Which is why although you may be emotionally starved, and you may not even remember a time where they actually paid any attention to you, you will find yourself having to go out of your way to meet their needs, even though they've never done anything for you. It's like they didn't even know that you were there, until they realized that you could be of service to them, and that is the only value that you have to the narcissist. You're just an object that exists to meet their needs. They're fool, they're doormat, they're emotional dumping ground or anything else that they may need you to be, whenever they may need you to be it. You're not allowed to be your own separate person. You're not allowed to have your own identity. You're not allowed to have your own feelings and needs, and you may feel as though you're not even allowed to take any time to yourself or practice self-care, unless they give you permission or if it's on their terms, because otherwise they well feel threatened, and you may notice them giving you that disapproving stare, as though you're doing something wrong, because they just don't want you to be you. They don't want you to have anything of your own, because they're very insecure. They have no inner sense of value. They lack a sense of self, anything you do or have is a serious threat to them. It feels like a life or death situation to a narcissist, because the spotlight always has to be on them, so that they can feel special, so that they can feel like their false character exists. So anything that takes any attention away from them is a threat to them, because deep down they already know that they have nothing to give. They know that they have nothing of value, which is why they're so insecure, and it's why they always have to control you, so that you don't come to this conclusion, and so that it doesn't reflect badly on them, which is why they're so arrogant and entitled. It's a defense mechanism against how they really feel about themselves. It actually has very little to do with you. They don't even know that you're there. They don't even view you as a separate person. You're just an extension of them, a tool or an appliance that they use to make themselves feel better, and if you don't anticipate and meet their every need, you're useless and worthless. You're not even worth their time, and if you dare to even ask for something in return, they will call you selfish. They will shame you for having feelings or needs. They will say that you only care about yourself. They will rage or they will just completely ignore you, and if they come back they will have a long list of demands and expectations for you, and if you don't fulfill them, they may even smear your reputation and try to turn people against you, because they believe that they deserve things that other people do not deserve, even though they never put in the work and they never did anything for you. They expect people to see it as a privilege just to be around them, and they feel entitled to abuse and mistreat you, especially if you don't do exactly what they want you to do when they want you to do it. It's almost like they expect you to breathe their mind. They expect you to know exactly what they want, and if you don't do it exactly how they want it, they will decide to punish you and take revenge, and they may not even give you a second chance to get it right. Instead they will discard you and triangulate you with someone else to further punish you and make you feel completely worthless inside, like you could never be good enough for them, because that's exactly how they want you to feel. If you fail to fulfill the unrealistic demands and expectations, if anything goes wrong, the narcissist will expect you to make it right. They will hold you accountable even if they were at fault. They will even punish you for their own wrongdoings, because they just can't accept responsibility for anything. In their minds they can't do anything wrong, so if something went wrong it must have been your fault, and they will expect everyone to see it in the same way. They will expect people to pick sides, and if anyone disagrees with them or has a different point of view, they will be publicly shamed and humiliated, to show everyone that they are not to be messed with. You either agree with them or you deserve to be punished. They won't accept any alternative ideas or perspectives. If they're opposed by an authority figure or someone with a solid reputation, they will either try to befriend them or they will give them the silent treatment, and then they will move on to someone who will better serve their needs. In some situations, they will stalk and harass you. They will physically or socially harm you. They will sexually abuse you. They will financially abuse you. They will do anything to put you in danger, and to devalue and degrade you. And if you're dealing with a true narcissist, there's very little that you can do to resolve it. They will get mad whether you contact them, or even if you go no contact. There's really no way that you can win, because it's not your problem to fix. They're emotionally unstable. They have these obsessive thoughts in their head and they can't control it. They don't feel comfortable unless they've completely ruined you, or unless they have you under their control. And it's because they lack control of themselves. They're very insecure, so they're constantly on the go, trying to control things outside of them. Things that they are deeply envious and jealous of. And they're never satisfied to what becomes this constant pursuit, where they're constantly trying to hunt you down to try to make you feel the pain that they feel, and to put you beneath them, because they're unable to generate their own contentment and peace of mind from within. And in many situations, once you're involved with them, there's very little you can do about it. Because many of them have connections with law enforcement. They befriend police officers, because they already know that with the way that they are, they're going to need to have a position of power. It's either that or they're going to end up on the other end of it, which is the last thing any narcissist wants, because they want to be the one who punishes you. And then they expect you to apologize to them and to give them your attention. They would expect you to comply with their orders and requests, and to be submissive to their will. They feel entitled to abuse and mistreat you, because deep down, they feel like they're not enough. They have a void that can never be filled, which is why there's no cut off point for the abuse. They're never satisfied. They have to seek you as being inferior to them to reinforce their mask, so you don't deserve anything. You exist only to serve them. Their entitlement is a defense mechanism to hide the insecurities about themselves. From a young age, they learned to hide everything bad about themselves, because they were unloved unless they were perfect. They were valued only for their image and achievement rather than who they actually were. There is no winning with an entitled narcissist. Even if they have everything their way, exactly how they want it, they will still want more. And even then, they will still find fault with you. They will never be satisfied. The narcissist could leave the home and ask you to do 10 things before they get back. You could complete every task that they requested, but maybe you got one thing wrong, and they would focus on that one thing you got wrong, because they need to have justification. They need to have a reason why they can never be happy. It's either that or they have to look at themselves. And that's just something a narcissist is never going to do. They want nothing to do with themselves. It's either the special, entitled character or the devilish, all-powerful executioner. But who they actually are is nowhere to be found. Even in the rare case where they're completely alone, it's just an empty void. All they can think about is supply. They need attention and recognition. They need people to notice them. They need someone to abuse. Or else they would implode. They would go insane. And there's just no winning with them. People end up giving in and catering to them. They're surrounded by flying monkeys and enablers. People who are educated to their every whim. While the victim is always left isolated and alone. Defied of any attention. Unless they're being manipulated and used by the narcissist. Or being mistreated and abused. Because if you spend enough time around them. That's all that is going to happen. It never gets better. The abuse always escalates with time. As they begin to normalize what they're doing to you. It's like a drug. An addiction. And with time they need a greater dose. They become numb to it. And before you know it you're being physically, sexually and emotionally abused. You're tolerating things that you never thought you would put up with. And it's become normal to you. It's your default way of life. Because that's just the inevitable result when you're dealing with an all-encompassing narcissist. Thank you for watching. 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