 The Jack Benny program presented by Lucky Strike. Be happy, go lucky, be happy, go lucky strike, be happy, go lucky, go lucky strike today. I rode my gal with music soft and finally won her hand. When I got smart and switched right to that milder Lucky Brand. Right in the mirror I see big stacks of lucky packs of smoke that is perfection. Be happy, go lucky, be happy, go lucky strike, be happy, go lucky, go lucky strike today. Enjoy your cigarette. Enjoy a truly fine tobacco that combines both perfect mildness and rich taste in one great cigarette, Lucky Strike. For only fine tobacco gives you both perfect mildness and rich taste. And L-S-M-F-T, Lucky Strike means fine tobacco. So friends, be happy, go lucky, try a carton of Lucky Strike. Be happy, go lucky, be happy, go lucky strike, be happy, go lucky, go lucky strike today. Here's Rochester, Tennessee, and here's Trolley, down below. One of the important things happened in Beverly Hills yesterday. They weren't the kind of things you read about in the papers, but they were important, nevertheless. It all started late in the afternoon at Mary Livingston's house. Oh, Pauline, Pauline. Yes, Miss Livingston. I'd like you to straighten out the house. Mr. Benny is coming over. Oh, did he want you to sign a new lease? No, no, this is just a social visit. Oh, well I can't clean the whole house. Your sister's still asleep in the guest room. Then skip that room. Miss Livingston, why did your sister babe make this trip to California? For the Legion Convention, she was with a fighting 69. So Pauline, let her get all the rest she can because she has to leave soon and go back to her job. Is she still working as a deep-sea diver? Yes, and I hope the vacation out here makes her forget her recent loss. Loss? She was engaged to another deep-sea diver. May he rest in peace. Gee, what happened to him? Well, he was working on a salvage job, 80 feet underwater. Babe walked by and he kept his hat. But Babe will get over it. I hope so. You know Miss Livingston, life is funny. Years ago, you and I used to work side-by-side at the maid company. Now you're a big radio star and I'm your maid. Yeah. By the way, Pauline, can you lend me $5 for payday? Sure. Here, that's can you owe me? Okay. Now Pauline, you can finish cleaning up. I'm going to call Mr. Benny and see what's keeping him. Rochester, will you please answer? No, I forgot. He went to the store. Hello? Hello, Jack. I thought you were coming over to my house. I'm waiting for you. I'll be over. What's the rush? Well, Jack, there's something I want to talk to you about. It's been on my mind a long time and now that I've worked up enough courage, well, Jack, come over as soon as you can. Okay, Snoozie, I'll be over. Goodbye. Goodbye. I wonder what can be so important that she wants to talk to me about. She said it was... Hello, boys, I'm back from the store. Good Rochester, what did you buy? A quarter of a pound of butter, a loaf of bread, two pounds of ground round, our usual supply of canned goods. Oh. And, boss, I think next week I'll have to shop at a different market. Why? What's wrong with our regular market? Well, you know how they charge us less for cans at a bent? Yes. Well, this morning they caught me bending them. Rochester, you ought to be ashamed of yourself. Bending cans to get them cheaper. I'm glad you were caught. They wouldn't have caught me if I hadn't asked for a mop. What'd you need a mop for? I tried to bend a bottle of milk. That's the most ridiculous. Rochester, you're joking, aren't you? I was just trying to worry into giving me more money for shopping. I give you enough. Now, look, Rochester, I've got to rush over to Miss Livingston's house right away. I'll be back for dinner. Okay. See you later. Be happy. Go lucky. Be happy. Go lucky, strike. Hootity poot poot poot poot poot poot poot poot poot poot poot poot poot poot poot. Gee, that's a catchy song. Be happy. Go lucky. Be happy. Go lucky, strike. Gosh, it's been hot the last few days. Temperature's been way up to 104. Sure glad I didn't empty my swimming pool in September. Business has been great. Yesterday they were using towels faster than I could wash them. Be happy. Go lucky. Be happy. Yeah, I can't imagine what Mary wants to see me about. It couldn't be about her contract. She just signed a new one. I wonder if, say, I'll bet I know what it is. For years I've been asking her to marry me. She's always turned me down. Now I'll bet she changed her mind. That's what it is. That's all it could be. Holy mackerel. Be happy. Go lucky. Be happy. Go lucky, strike. Be happy. She'll be wonderful when Mary and I get married. We'll be able to go to parties together. Go on vacations together. File joint income tax return. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. I think I'll stop in this drug store and get a copy of True Story Magazine. There's an article in this issue about me. I wonder where... May I help you, sir? Oh, I just want to pick out a magazine. Now let's see. Oh, here it is. True Story Magazine. Yep, here's the article. Well, my picture, too. And it's in color. Look at those big blue eyes. Here's the story. Hello, everybody. By Jack Benny, it's told to Joseph K. I was born in Washington, Illinois, 36 miles from Chicago. My father had a man's clothing store. Oh, Clark. Yes, sir? Give me your package of Lucky Strikes, please. Here you are. Thanks. I will open the store with a buddy named Julia Finnegan. Dad's comment was, if you lose your own money, that's your privilege. Or what have you got against Julia? Dad and mother wanted me to be a buddy. May I, uh, wait on you, miss? Yes, I'd like this deck of canasta cards and two packages of cigarettes, please. Oh, what kind? Lucky Strikes. Yes, ma'am. Tomorrow's my father's birthday. I'm going to collect a carton of Lucky Roll. I'll be glad to. Thank you. That's my deal. I was afraid I could never reach it. So I was wondering, see, this story's so long. I haven't got time to stand here and read it. Maybe I'll come back tomorrow. Yeah, it's about me. I'll buy it. Oh, Clark. Clark. Yes, sir? I want this copy of True Story Magazine. Yes, sir. That'll be 20 cents. Here's the dollar. Thank you. I'll get you changed. I wonder if I ought to get three or four. Oh, hello, Mr. Benny. Huh? Oh, hello, Dennis. What are you doing here in the drugstore? I'm buying a magazine. Oh. What are you doing here, Dennis? I'm buying some arsenic. I'm going to commit suicide. That's nice. Clark, give me my change. Just a minute, mister. Did you hear what he said? Yes. Give me my change. Do you know him? Uh-huh. Well, aren't you going to do anything about it? No. Give me my change. Well, I'm going to. Young man, why do you want to commit suicide? Well, the girl I was in love with sneaked off and married somebody else. Oh, that's too bad. When did you find out about it? Two years ago. Clark, give me my change. Young man, you say your girl left you two years ago. Why have you waited so long to kill yourself? I wanted to see if Dick Tracy would catch TV Wiggles. Young man, here's your bottle of arsenic compliments of the house. Thank you. Oh, mister. Yes. Do I get anything back on the bottle? Oh, for heaven's sake, Dennis. Go home. Yes, sir. Goodbye. You see, Clark? You see? Now, Clark, how about my change? Here you are, sir. Thank you. I can't understand a kid like Dennis Day. It seems that the older he gets, the sillier he gets. And yet to hear him sing, you think he was a normal human being. What a voice. Yesterday, when he came over to my house to try out his song, it sounded so beautiful. He looked so bright as he was standing there by the piano. I cannot understand this. Into the river. He turned to me and said, Goodbye, Mr. Benny, have a nice trip. Then I went upstairs and packed before I realized I wasn't going anywhere. He drives me nuts. Well, there's Mary's house. I wonder how she's going to go about it. I bet you'd be coy and bashful. June would be a nice month to get married. I wonder what I should have for my best man. I could have my agent. He should be out on parole by then. Oh, well, I got time to think about it. Hello, Jack. Hello, Mary. You, uh, you wanted to talk to me, eh? Yes, come on into the den. Okay. Okay, Mary. What is it, kid? Uh, just a second. I want to lock the door. Oh, gee. Come on, Mary, tell me. Tell me what it is. Uh, wait, Jack. I want to shut the window. The window? Mmm. You got me over here. You locked the door. You closed the window. I see, what is it? What do you talk to me about, huh? Huh? Jack, I've been thinking about this one subject for a long time. Yeah, yeah. What is it, Mary? Jack, something's got to be done about your being so cheap. Is that, is that all you wanted to talk to me about? Yes, Jack, and I'm serious. It's gone to a point where everybody in town is talking about it. About me being cheap? Just name one person who says so. Well, Claudette Colbert, Danny Kay, Gary Colbert. I only asked for one. In any way, a fine bunch, they are to talk about me being cheap. Especially that Danny Kay with that head of hair of his. That guy's too cheap to spend 50 cents for a haircut. They're a dollar and a quarter now. Oh. Look, I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, but all I can do is tell you this. You better change your ways or you won't have a friend in the world. Well, alright, Mary. I'll tell you what I'll do if you think I'm so cheap. You put on your best evening dress and tonight I'll take you to dinner at Cyril's. I'm sorry, Jack, but I already have a date for tonight. You have? With whom? Oh, somebody. You don't know him. Oh. You know, Mary, a funny thing. When you called me to come over here, I was so sure you were going to... Well... Going to what? Oh, never mind. I'll be running along. Bye, Jack. Goodbye, Mary. Just a minute. Huh? Come here, Rochester. Yes, boss. Rochester, do you think I'm cheap? Oh, no, boss. I wouldn't say cheap. A little snub, maybe, but not cheap. That's right, Rochester. I don't believe in throwing my money away, but I'm certainly not miserly. I remember last year when I was walking down the street and a panhandler came over to me. He only asked me for a dime and I gave him 50 cents. Rochester, I don't feel like eating. I'm going to bed. Good night. Gosh, Mary decided to marry me. I certainly asked her enough. She's the first time I asked her when she was working at the May Company. If she'd accepted me then, we'd have been married a long time now. Maybe even have a family. Imagine being married to Mary. All these years, we'll have a family. Married to Mary. I'm coming, Pauline. Let him off, please. Let him off. I wish I lived closer to the bus line. After standing behind the stocking counter all day, my feet are killing me. We sure were busy today, weren't we? Yeah. Hello, Mrs. Penny. Hello, Mrs. Proudsmire. How are the children? Well, Leonard and Julius are fine. Well, that's good. But Irving, Milk, Pac, Sam, George, Cliff, Bonnie, Peggy, Judy, Michael, and Zippo have coals. Yeah, and what a time for it to happen. The oldest one starts school next week. Mrs. One. The cheer is handy in summer. The Indians can stop already. I'm saying, Pauline, I'm sorry we had to work so late. I was anxious to get home early because today's my wedding anniversary. Really? Two years. Well, buck up, kid. It could have happened to anybody. Got something worse now. A violin. Oh, brother. By the way, how's your daughter? You know, she's 17 now. Night, Pauline. Good night, Mary. What's with your homework by this time? Well, I'm doing it over. I never should have asked daddy to help me. Look, he did all my arithmetic problems and every answer is 39. Duck in his mind. He's in his room. Oh. Can't understand why I flunk music appreciation. Hello, wifey. How's a little sweetheart today? A little sweetheart. A little sweetheart. You don't even know what today is. I do too. It's our anniversary. It's just 22 years ago today that you said I do. Yeah, me and my big mouth. Two years, you've been telling me you're going to be a big radio star. When is it going to happen? When? Oh, mother, don't pick on daddy. He's such a good cook. All right. I've been slaving over a hot stove all day preparing dinner. Now, who can that be? I'll get it. This is my new boyfriend. I met him in school. His name is Eugene McNulty. Eugene Patrick McNulty. Eugene, I want you to meet my mother and father. How do you do, Mrs. Benny? No, no. This is my mother. Daddy, take off that apron. Gene, I kissed his hand. Yeah? Would you like to go into the parlor? Uh-huh. Gee, what a beautiful room. You've got a big radio, a piano and a television set. Yeah, mother works awfully hard. That's a picture of her on the piano. Oh, this picture over here. Is this your father? Yeah, that picture was taken when he was in the Navy. Gee, you must be proud of him. Underneath it says Admiral. That's the name of the television set. My uncle Murd. Who's that tough-looking guy standing beside him? My Aunt Babe. Your aunt has a big head. That's her diving helmet. Mama and daddy's wedding picture. Don't they look nice? Yeah, but why is your father holding that violin? Everybody notices that. He played at his own wedding. As they marched down the aisle to the strains of old promise me, Mama had to hold his rosin. On the opposite page? Well, that's a picture of me the day I started school. Oh, but you look like you're only two years old. I was. Daddy wanted me to get through school fast so I could go to work. I think that's terrible. Oh, I don't mind. As long as it helps mother. You know, she's been working at the May Company ever since she and daddy got married. Work, work, work. She never even had one day off. I was born in an elevator. Excuse us, Eugene. How much money do you make? Well, we got to see that our daughter married well. You can't keep working forever. Come on, children, to the table. Eugene, you sit here next to Joni. Isn't that cute mother daddy decided to play his violin while we have dinner? Oh, Mr. Benny, why don't you sit down and eat with us? No, no, no, no. I prefer to play. If you care to express your appreciation for the music, there's an empty plate on the table. I'm not working all these years. I didn't mind you as you're cheap. That's what you are. You're cheap. I'm not cheap. A little snug maybe, but I'm not cheap. I'm not cheap. I'm not. Yeah. Yeah, I guess I was. Chee Rochester was the most... I'll get it. Hello? Oh, what is it, Mary? Sorry about those things I said to you today. Oh, that's all right, Mary. I'ma tell you something funny. I just had a dream that you and I were married. And we had a 17-year-old daughter, Joni, and her boyfriend was Dennis. Was I still working at the May Company? Yes. I thought so. Good night, Jack. And in between a half I smoke one half a lucky pack. Be happy. Go lucky. Enjoy your cigarette. Puff by puff, you'll find luckies always give you perfect mildness. In fact, scientific tests confirmed by three independent consulting laboratories prove lucky strike is milder than any other principal brand. And puff by puff, you always get rich taste, too. All the deep down smoking enjoyment that comes from truly fine tobacco. Because L-S-M-F-T, lucky strike means fine tobacco. So, friends, be happy. Go lucky. Try a carton of lucky strike. Be happy. Go lucky. Be happy. Go lucky. Part of Joan Benny was played by Miss Joan Benny. Oh, Jack. Yes, Don. The next time you have a dream, put me in it. Well, I didn't have one line on this show. Well, Don, that's right. You weren't in the show. But don't worry. A check will be made out in your name. Thanks. Just endorse it and give it to Joni. What? Good night, sir. Stay tuned for the Amos Landy show that follows immediately. It's the Columbia Broadcasting System.