 I'm back and forth for a long time about whether or not I even wanted to make this video but after talking to my fiance who was on board from the get-go I realized that this is important and something I really shouldn't be shy about sharing so I'm gonna go ahead and put on my big girl panties and speak my mind. Now Kevin Samuels is someone who has definitely been getting a lot of traction recently. I actually found out about him when he was still at like under a hundred K subscribers. A man I was dating at the time told me about him and I started learning more about the manosphere on YouTube and learning more about different positions that men have. So anyway when the gentleman I was dating previously put me on Kevin Samuels I will say initially I was taken aback as someone who I believe a very pro woman. I love women. I appreciate women especially us black women. I'm definitely in somebody who has a big heart for other women. I was like this is so rude. What is going on here? Why are women calling into this show? Like what's happening? But knowing the kind of person I am I had to sit down and really hear him out and watch multiple of his broadcast. I will say I'm probably watching maybe 40 50 plus of his shows since I was since I found out about his channel back in June July. Over the time his message definitely grew on me even having discussions with the man I was dating about different podcasts and the different shows he was having and having discussions with an actual man who was well within the financial bracket that Kevin Samuels talks about. It was really interesting to see how differently we as men and women think and how we go about dating and how sometimes if you as a woman don't understand the perspective of men you kind of sell yourself short or put yourself at a disadvantage because you're not navigating the dating marketplace with the mind that is conducive for getting the kind of results that you want. And that's what I found interesting about Kevin Samuels platform. So although what he has to say might not be the easiest for a lot of people to hear but I did believe and I do believe that there's a lot of truth and there's a lot of validity to the things he is saying. And so throughout this video I'm going to talk about different messages and different lessons that he has taught and how they've related to me and how I've applied that messaging in my life and how it's led and contributed to me being engaged. So first up on the topic of femininity that Mr. Samuels discusses. I think it's such an important and underrated thing that is being lost in just the culture of today. I truly believe do you. Like that's my life philosophy. Do you. But if you want a certain outcome and if you want a certain result in your life you're going to have to get in line and play the game that needs to be played in order to get that. And that's just the truth. And so in the topic of high value men that Mr. Samuels discusses these are a certain caliber of men who have certain qualities that they look for in a woman. It's not possible or I would say it's not as possible to be able to play that game and win. If you choose to be the girl that's out here doing things that they might not be too inclined to want to entertain or anything. And so when the topic of femininity comes up if you're a traditional minded woman and want a traditional minded man who is an alpha man who's a provider minded man and things of that nature it's just the game you're going to have to play. And something that I enjoy playing. I love being a feminine woman. I love being able to exude femininity and really sit in my femininity and allow it to work for me in my life. And I think it's such an important quality and definitely something I'm going to pass down to my children. And I think it's something that you shouldn't be ashamed of indulging in and taking full advantage of. And so when Mr. Samuels discusses things like remaining in good health, being an agreeable woman, being somebody who can bring a man peace, who's not going to be out here doing the complete most, I truly believe it. There's just so much value to that. Because mind you, you're dealing with men who work hard. You're dealing with men who are provider minded. You're dealing with men who aren't mediocre, who are the type to aim for greatness. And there can't be at work dealing with the pressures and things that they're dealing with out there and then come home and be fighting the whole war zone as well. It doesn't work that way. You'll quickly get left. And so I just think it's important as a feminine woman to be proud of that. Have that be a quality that you continuously work on and that you continuously improve to be a better spouse or better mate to your high value quality man. Now in regards to the feminism movement and things of that nature and the idea of the modern woman and stuff, my personal opinion, I choose not to identify as a feminist, just being a black woman and understanding the history of that movement. I know it's not something that was created with the intentions of serving women like me. And so it's just not something I choose to agree with. I am pro women. I believe women should have equal rights. In terms of pay gap, health care, and things of that nature. I believe that we as women deserve all of those things. I'm not talking about feminism in that sense. Now in regards to dating and the dating marketplace, I do think that yes, we as men and women aren't equal, but there are certain qualities that we each have. We're equal, but we're not the same. And I think that is an important distinction for us to really understand. And I will speak for myself and these are the values that I have. Yes, I'm equal to my man, but there are certain qualities that he has that I can't even try to touch. And there are qualities that I have that he just doesn't. So we compliment each other really well. I'm not vying with my man and competing with my man in areas that I know are for him to excel in. And that's just what it is. I stay in my lane and he stays in his and I feel like for me and the mindset that I have in regards to dating, that's what works best. And so where the idea of like certain feminist ideologies can come into play and be a hindrance to the progression or the quality of a relationship is when you bring in that mindset and it causes you to now go head to head with your spouse. I believe as a man, you're the head of the household. If I'm looking on to you to provide to be a father figure to be a leader in the household, there's responsibilities that come with that. But in order to lead in that position, I as a woman have to be able to submit to his authority in that arena. Not saying that as a woman, you're now just the second class citizen, you're just a slave or whatever. The thing is, a feminine woman understands her power and understands that in any situation, you have the ability to persuade. You know how to talk to your man. You know how to get the outcomes that she wants. But you do it in a feminine manner. It's not aggressive. It's not combative. It's not you trying to go tit for tat with roles and position and power in the relationship. But there is a feminine way in a feminine manner to achieve that outcome. And that's how I believe traditional relationships work best. Now in regards to career, Kevin Sammos definitely talks about this a lot. I recently, well, I'm still in the middle of reading it. But it's this book called getting to I do. And the author makes this point that I found to be very interesting. She said that as a woman, you need to ask yourself, are you a woman with a career? Or are you a career woman? What is your priority? And from when I was small, I always knew that I wanted to be the woman that had the husband had the children like that was something that I had a calling. I always knew that at the forefront, if I left this world knowing that I played my role as a wife and as a mother, exceptionally well, I would be a full and complete and happy woman. And that's just me. And so understanding that mindset and understanding the desires and the goals that I have in life, it now has to translate in how I move and in how I date and in what I seek in a partner and how I have a relationship with that partner. I love the point that Kevin Samuels makes in regards to how we as women are modern women sometimes lose sight of the value of marriage and are so gung-ho at pursuing educational opportunities and career opportunities and things of that nature, but neglect their dating life. And I think it's just an important thing to really take note and to heed. Women are incredible. We're out here doing the damn thing, getting careers, getting amazing high paying jobs, the degrees and all of that. But at the end of the day, are you a woman with a career or are you a career woman? And so what sometimes happens is that you have women who are at heart women with a career. But because they've been so fixated on getting that next promotion, getting that degree, they've neglected their inner desire for marriage for children, the family unit. And it might cause a lot of unhappiness and misery. And Kevin Samuels talks about this a lot, who even mentioned how there are high paying attorneys and stuff. And they're in their 40s and 50s. And if you ask them, would you replace your high paying career to be a wife and mom hands down? Yes, I would. So you have women going into careers that they really, truly, truly, you know, yes, they might love them, but it's not their main priority in life, but are miserable because they neglected the dealings of their heart and the things that they truly wanted. And I've always known that's something I didn't want to do. One thing about me is that I've always been real with myself. I've always known the things that I truly desire out of this life. And I think it's important to move with that in your mind. I will say also that he makes the point that it's like, sometimes we as women put dating on the back burner and don't put as much intention and seriousness into it as we put into our degrees into our education into our careers. And that's a problem. There's a certain level of effort that it comes with, in terms of making sure that you're at your best self, whether that's losing weight, whether that's just making yourself feel as whole as possible, getting into therapy, doing the inner work you need to be at your healthiest position possible. That's some effort that we have to put into dating in order to get the outcomes that we want. Now I will speak for myself personally. I have not had the most positive relationship with dating. I've definitely had my own fair share of heartbreaks and things of that nature. And a lot of like her and trauma relationships and other types of relationships as well. But I made the initiative during the time during my gap year to get into therapy. I was a college graduate. I was working at Hooters at the time. So it wasn't like I was out here balling or nothing. But I understood and I knew that I needed help. And so I went into therapy and I paid my little money and got the help that I needed and really began the process of working on myself and changing how I perceived relationships, learning to work on things like setting boundaries and things of that nature that really set me up to be in a position to be my best self. Because one thing I've learned is that when you as a woman are broken or really you as a person are broken and hurt, you tend to attract that kind of energy towards you. So I'm sitting here upset at the fact that I'm attracting really subpar men who are hurting me. It's like I have to take a minute and step back and see why am I attracting this? Not only why am I attracting this, you can attract whatever you attract. But why am I allowing this to remain in my life? Why am I having relationships with this beast type of man? And I really had to learn and process a lot of the traumas and stuff that I've been through and work on becoming a better me so that I can attract and be with and not only just be with but accept more quality love. So that was definitely something I had to work on. Now I wanted to go ahead and speak on the topic of dating intentionally. So that is something that is very important to me. When I met my now fiance, I was in a headspace where it was like I had given up on love, like I really wasn't looking at this, but my man really shifted my perspective on that. Before my man even saw me and we had our first phone call, he was like, look, I am dating intentionally. I am not out here trying to play games. I'm not out here trying to waste your time or my time for that matter. And so this is, you know, he set the tone for the relationship from the get go from the first time I ever heard his voice. And so for me as a woman, it wouldn't mean to shape because it was like, look, you're not dealing with one of these dudes you've been dealing with before out here. You got to whip yourself into shape or this man will quickly drop you because he's not here for the games and stuff. And so by the second day, my man and I were exclusive. He was like, look, I don't know what else he got going on, but I want us to be exclusive. And when I tell you I cut off everybody else, removed him off of social media, past X's, little flinks here and there, removed, did a whole overall. To say it, I hope I don't sound ridiculous. I don't know who this man is. I mean, he could be walking down the street. I wouldn't, I wouldn't know a thing. Sorry to this man. Because I was like, I'm focusing on this and I'm going to intentionally pursue this. Yes, how my proposal happened was a surprise to me, but the fact that we were going to get engaged and he was looking at marriage sooner than later was not a surprise at all. And that's the thing about being with an intentional, serious minded, quality man is that they're not out here trying to waste their time or yours. They're going to tell you what it is upfront. And then as my man knew what he was looking for in a woman too. So he's not here trying to play the field and trying to figure it out. My man told me that when he was out here really dating, first date he knew if it was going to work or not. You know, maybe second date if it was kind of unsure, but it didn't take years to know if you wanted to put a ring on a woman's finger, like a matter of months. And I wouldn't say how long it took for me to get engaged from the time that I met my man, but I will definitely say Kevin Samuels talks about how under six months if that man knows he wants to marry you, he will. He's not going to sit here wasting your time. And I will say that was true in my case. And so don't be out here wasting your time with these men. The truth of the matter is that we as women, unfortunately and just with how nature is, we're under the constraints of biology and that's just the truth. Whereas with men, men can be 40 years old attracting women in their 20s. You know, like they aren't on the same constraints that we're on. What matters for them is are you able to provide financially? How's that money looking like? And so it's different for women. Our biggest asset at this time is our youth, our youth, our beauty. And so to sit here and allow these men to waste your time, not knowing what they want to do with you, not knowing where y'all stand and stuff, let that go. Let those situations die. Die by fire. Because honestly and truly nobody's deserving of that kind of time and effort from you, especially at the point where your time in your youth matter most. Now I did want to go back to the idea of dating and like career and stuff. So I had my bachelor's degree. I also wanted to talk about just me, myself, and I. I'm 23. I have my bachelor's. I'm on my way to law school. I actually recently just got accepted into my first law school which is the top 20 law school. And so I just say all these things to say that I know for myself, regardless of whatever I achieve career-wise and professionally, I know for a fact that I wouldn't feel like a whole woman if motherhood and being a wife wasn't part of the picture for me. And that's just me being honest to myself. I'm not one of these girls out here who claims to be an independent woman who don't need no man because let me tell you this. I used to have that mindset and I used to look at men as if they're the enemy and I don't need them and they all suck and they're all trash. But once I worked on my inner healing and got myself mentally and psychologically to the place that I needed to be, I understood and I realized the importance of interdependence. Being not independent woman is hard work. I'm sorry but it's just way more than I would ever ask for. I don't need all of that. But understanding the value of a man and what partnership and what companionship looks like and the importance of it and how much it can really amplify your life, I think it's just so important to just be real with yourself. If that's something you know you truly want, accept it. Why are we fighting our nature? Why are we fighting our desire for love for companionship, for marriage and things of that nature. I think it's just so important to really start with just being real with yourself and really looking at your heart and putting pride aside, getting work done through therapy to work on any hurts and trauma you might have so that you can really put yourself in a position to really be ready for love and receive it when it comes. Because quite truly with getting engaged at this point in my life I could say no no no no I'm going to law school I'm about to start my career no no no I want to grind it out get my education done and look I'm a child of immigrants my parents are immigrants I'm a first-generation American and so coming here from birth you know education was hounded into me like my parents were like get your education no boys just miss your books and that was just something that I heard all my life right but the thing is that I think it's also important as a woman like Kevin Samless talks about it a lot of women sometimes are out here they pursue their education they pursue their career and they get to a certain age and it's like light bulb goes off and it's like oh snap I want marriage I want children and it's like you know the way life works sometimes when you put things off to the back burner and just because you're at a place where it's like all right husband up here I mean this not some magical circus or land or something like you ain't got no genie to rub no you know what's to call whatever to get you a wish or whatever like if it's something you want you put in that same kind of effort towards it and so that's what I knew that it was important for me today it was important for me to have and build relationship skills and know how to be with a man and know how to relate to a man and know what men are looking for and know how to package myself and be the kind of woman that would be able to be a companion and a partner to the kind of man that I wanted I had to be real with myself and get myself in check and that's what I did now I did want to talk about something else that mr. Sammos discusses and that's on the idea of age differences I will go ahead and say that I am unashamed to say that I truly prefer dating older men I was a 23 year old even when I was 22 my dating standard was if he's not at least 30 I don't want nothing to do with him and that's just what it was and that's just me being honest I knew for a fact and here's why I went at the age gap because I knew that I wanted to be married and settled sooner than later I knew I needed to be partnered with a man that was capable of providing that okay so to have the expectation of a 23 year old just like me to have his ducks in order to a point where he's able to provide financially where he's able to even afford you know my ring and things of that nature it's like you know wishing for what wishing for magic so I knew that age difference was important for me because for me also I like the ability to know that that man is at a place in his life where he's a lot more stable and I'm able to defer to his leadership on so many things because he's already experienced that and I think it's just so important for me too and just as women I think we also develop and mature a lot quicker than men and so it would be very difficult for me to date people or men my age because I just feel like mentally we might not be necessarily at the same place and also a lot of these men when you start dating them now like you have to wait you know a couple of years to get to a point where they feel ready like okay I'm ready to you know settle down and really you know put a ring on it and stuff like that and I knew I didn't want to date so it comes to preference at the end of the day if you don't mind doing that waiting game for a bit good I mean that's something that you can do but I knew for a fact that I wanted marriage and I know I wanted children I know I wanted to settle down sooner than later so I always dated at least 30 for the most part now lastly before I close this video out in regards to Mr. Sammel's infamous average at best statement I will say that in terms of beauty standards and stuff I think it's also important for us as humans to just accept the fact that men are visual creatures men are visual you know and there's nothing wrong with it I know I as a woman I'm not afraid to say what my standards was my standard was that man had to be six feet fine bearded and out of certain financial standard and I don't care that's just my standard and that's just what I wanted but it's also important for me as a woman to be like all right well if this is my standard and this is what I want what qualities do I have that even put me in the running for a man of that caliber and so I felt like I had to be real with myself and you know accurately assess myself and figure out am I even a woman that a man of that caliber would want and so that's really all I'm going to say on that front but you know I do believe that we as women should always always always always have pride in ourselves have pride in our looks have a high sense of self confidence but at the same time it's not mutually exclusive to have a high sense of self and still want to work on yourself and become the best you there's no problem with that so on that front I definitely do agree with Mr. Samuels but yes I just wanted to come along and tell you guys some of the lessons and messages that Mr. Samuels teaches and how I've applied them to my life and how they've worked for me I do attribute a lot of my dating successes to him because of the messages that he teaches and how they've helped me I'm actually in the pictures that he posted about my engagement I know he blurt out my face and stuff because I wasn't comfortable with just being out there at that point but um in the posts that I put in his Facebook group The Mix I told him I actually called into a show previously that he had for younger women and told him about my plans to go to Spain to teach English for a year before I start law school and he sat me down and told me the real he said look doing that you're about to burn a year and then after you do that you're coming back here you're going to law school you're going to be busy and then you start working you're just making it difficult for yourself to really settle down and find a husband and me being me if I have the heart to do something I'm gonna do it so I still went but he still laid that seed he put that seed in me to prioritize relationships and to really put an effort towards it and so I met my man before I even left and I still went but throughout the time that we were apart and long distance and stuff the conversations were still very intentional and I actually made the decision in part because of him to move back to the U.S. and really pursue and give our relationship the time and the effort that it needs and I'm so glad I did that because I don't think I would have been here had I not prioritized my relationship and gave it the effort and the time that it deserves so I do thank Mr. Sammel because he really does teach the importance of prioritizing companionship prioritizing relationships it's amazing and it's great to be the type of woman that is a go-getter is high achieving and things of that nature because I believe I am but as a woman I know that what comes first to me and what's most important to me is my relationship and my future children and my family and I have to move understanding that's my priority otherwise I'll find myself in a position where I'm just unhappy and at the end of the day what we want in this life is to be happy so in order to achieve that figure out what is it that's going to get you to that avenue and pursue it I feel like that's all Mr. Sammel's is really out here saying