 dedicated to the strength of the nation proudly we hail he fits Gerald in the local Calarney United States Army and United States Air Force presentation now here is our producer the well-known Hollywood showman CP McGregor thank you thank you and greetings from Hollywood ladies and gentlemen welcome to your theater of stars where each week your favorites from the world's film capital join us for your entertainment that lovable and salty actor Barry fits Gerald is our proudly we hail star and portrays a typical Breumann hand Irish janitor in our comedy the luck of Calarney when an efficiency expert tangles with Barry and attempts to retire him for being over age he learns how the Spanish war veteran depends his job and how things were handled back in 98 the curtain for act one of the luck of Calarney in just a moment here now is Wendell Niles with an important message everywhere in the world the uniform of the United States Army and the United States Air Force is more than a uniform it's a badge of courage a symbol of freedom and democracy this fact has been true for more than a hundred years true since the first American soldiers set foot beyond our borders as the representative of our country and the principles for which we stand no other armed service holds the respective millions everywhere as ours does think of this and you will have every reason to be proud of the men who wear the uniforms of the United States Army and United States Air Force now back at the microphone our producer the curtain rises and act one of the luck of Calarney starring Barry Fitzgerald as Tom O'Reilly there was a touch of Calarney green in Kings a branch of the well-known department store chain that stretched for Maine to California a touch of Calarney and the person of Tom O'Reilly veteran of the Spanish-American War who has been a maintenance man in the store for more year-all as our story begins we find this venerable old gentleman broom in hand sweeping out the office of Brighton Pell the store's efficiency expert who has long been emulating a comb getting into everybody's hair as O'Reilly sweeps Pell's charming secretary Edith Good morning Mr. O'Reilly and how are you this fine morning oh pretty good you I couldn't be finer if I was made of gold you're always so chipper well I suppose you've heard the news mr. Adams is gone transferred to Jacksonville yes we're to have a new general manager and in the meantime if the genius takes over not my hog in the head yes mr. Pell's well it could be worse you don't have to work all day in the same office with that breathing Hulk of efficiency no but it's only for a bit child as I was telling a few of the boys the other night who went through the Spanish-American War with me well we once had a filly in our outfit called Fleetworth Cassidy the scourge of Chickamauga Bloot now yeah that was one of the more considered names we had from he would out snore 10 man well we thought we'd never get him out of our bags there Chickamauga but finally finally we got him moved over with the other snores did that help whoa no end but Fleetmouth well he was so low he even woke up the snores so they put him in the bags of himself well I suppose that fixed it but everyone concerned it did Fleetmouth started waking himself up developed insomnia and as far as I know hasn't snorged since oh mr. O'Reilly some of your stories of course I shouldn't really mention Fleetmouth in the same breath with mahogany head but the same thing it's oiled we'll move mr. Pears out of these backs when the right time comes you know mr. O'Reilly I like to be around you well thank you Chad where do you get such a sunny disposition but how can you be so happy just you mean just leaning on the broom well I'll tell you child it's just like I have me own little corner of the universe to keep clean it's me responsibility I enjoy it good morning miss Winston good morning mr. Pears I'm three minutes late I'm sorry I missed two traffic signals don't quite know the route chat oh well O'Reilly morning mr. Pears come here O'Reilly yes sir what is it sir are you in the habit of cleaning this file oh yes I am then clean it now but I just did it thoroughly only this morning dusting isn't enough get yourself a nail file or some other such tool a nail wrap around the end of the nail file one thickness of cloth but what for what for the centers of these screw heads are a disgrace oh boy must be inside but you certainly must do it the first time and do it right now remember that is our by word and don't go there's something else I wish to speak to you about let me see what escapes me at the moment oh miss Winston yes mr. Pears take a memorandum will you yes sir attention all sales personnel subject sharpening of pencils it has come to the attention of the acting general manager that certain personnel have been negligent in the matter of sharpening pencils breaking points callously and indiscriminately please exercise care in this operation in the future sign breaking pearls acting general manager will that be all mr. Pears just tell the department managers by telephone to check the pencil sharpener reservoirs for broken points I want to be sure this memorandum effects an improvement very good mr. Pears oh yes oh yes now I know what I don't want to talk to you about yes and it isn't very pleasant yeah I thought it was probably something nauseating yeah your psyche karate mm-hmm you see I've had the brooms of all janitors checked for where during the last month and yours already is a quarter of an inch longer than the rest a quarter of an inch less where than the rest you see you're already I have my ways of finding out who leans on the broom all day oh mr. Pears I'm surprised you should make such an allegation that you can stand here accusing me of laziness when you should be complimenting who is that so well then how do you account for the fact that your broom showed being a master of me trades I take fewer stokes per square foot of pace space covered oh is it so well oh my well I haven't thought of that yes I'd be glad to teach me techniques of the others yes it's a good idea yes well we'll have to try that yes but I you know I think I'll go down to the beverage bar and count noses so much time is wasted there I'll be back shortly mr. Oh good for you mr. O'Reilly he thought he had me for a minute didn't know he sure did I say I'd better empty the pencil sharpener before mr. nosey gets back you too yes I think I broke a point a couple of weeks ago morning mr. O'Reilly hello Waldo good morning darling Waldo I mean good morning miss Winston yeah what is this what's wrong with the two of you nothing and me I have the meal Waldo oh sure just a minute Waldo isn't that a wedding left so it is I told you not to wear it but it's so pretty then it's that that the two of you you made yes mr. O'Reilly you're the only one in the store to know it Waldo and I've we've been married a year but what congratulations she gave it to me on our anniversary we couldn't afford it when we were first married and we couldn't afford it now give it to me wall I eat thank you I told you never to wear it at the store you know mr. Pell's rule about married couples he says they're inefficient he would why only last week he fired a couple who got married oh Waldo have you been wearing this ring all morning oh yes somebody surely saw it and at a time like this when we both need our jobs more than at any time before what is me do what is it you tell mr. O'Reilly Waldo I'm about to become a father that's very beautiful mr. O'Reilly you don't think anybody saw the ring on Waldo do you well yes mr. Pell I find you here yes you find me here what's wrong with you Waldo are you married to this rule they're looking for their male in accounting how nice of accounting I'll get it right down to come back Waldo what's that you've dropped a paper clip well mr. O'Reilly how do you like the new company restaurant mr. Pell started well the food's all right dad but they don't give you enough of it portions are pretty small sure you know what he has in the kitchen there no what he is a p-counter counts out exactly 30 ps per plate no more no less excuse me what is waiting you've used two paper napkins please make one do next time yes paper is still one of our scarcest commodities you know come on Waldo I can't stand it another minute that pairs making a sweet little girl prattle that sort of thing to you when you're trying to fill your stomach oh I sure hope nobody saw that ring and told him about it I was crazy to wear it I guess at a time like this so you're going to be a father I am and believe me I'm plenty nervous ah there's no reason that way fathers have been having children killed down through the age not my child they haven't well regardless of me boy you have many great things to look forward to and one in particular oh what's up mr. O'Reilly the day you bring your boy home his first electric train electric train oh wow I had a swell one signals automatic switches boy uh oh what if we have a girl well you still haven't excused you boy the train for the boy that's coming next time oh gee thanks I like the way you figure mr. O'Reilly I just hope everything works out all right and nobody reports that ring to mr. Pell's Edith gets very tough with me sometimes aren't does she throw things at you yes and just her wind up is something fierce well don't worry let her feel it in me bones everything is going to be fine well good morning Edith you me yes you what's happened to you oh everything mr. Pells knows all about Waldo and me being married he's gone down now to get Waldo yeah but I didn't tell anyone did somebody spot the ring that day oh no no no yeah but then how how you had to talk to Waldo about electric trains that's how yeah but this makes no sense to oh yes it does you like the fire so Waldo has to go down and buy one they don't sell trains here but Waldo finds out where they do he has to go out and buy an electric train for the baby I'm not even gonna have for five months yeah but how did mr. Pells find out Waldo couldn't pay cash for the train had to buy it on time so the droop fills out a questionnaire his name name of his wife where he works he fills it all out never dreaming they'd call over here to check up that's Waldo well they do call I'm not in your office mr. Pell talks to them no say no more me dear this is calamitous mr. Pells just now stormed out to get Waldo shouting in for me perfidy and two other words I I didn't even understand well mr. O'Reilly what are you gonna do about it what am I going to do yes you got us into this you did yeah I suppose I did well I'll get you up me dear now don't you worry didn't I save the boys from the scourge of Chickamauga flute Mount Cassidy well you said you did anyway oh but you only had me colonel to talk to now he passed from our story the luck of Kalani starring Barry Fitzgerald to bring you an important message from our government let's face it men day after tomorrow as history develops a man with wings will be the man with a future many young men of today who are aware of this have taken a step that will give them wings these young men have signed up for the United States Air Force aviation cadet training at the close of the course when they have completed the training successfully they will receive their pilot's wings and a commission as second lieutenant in the US Air Force reserve and they will be ordered on active duty at once outstanding graduates will receive regular commissions in the air force immediately while others will have the opportunity to qualify for a regular commission while they're on active duty here then is a future for most young men with our eyes on the sky the requirements are that you be between the ages of 20 and 26 and one half that you are single with two years of college or the equivalent that you are physically fit as an aviation cadet you'll be on your way to a great career as an aviation cadet you'll be opening the door to a bright future find out now if you qualify get your application today at your nearest air force base or u.s. army and u.s. air force recruiting station the curtain rises on act two of the luck of Kalarney starring Barry Fitzgerald is Tom O'Reilly there is considerable suspense in the office of Brighton Pells efficiency expert and acting general manager of kings department store one of the branches of the national chain for mr. Pells who was unanimously voted heel of the month by kings employees has discovered that his secretary Edith Winston has been secretly married to Waldo the mail clerk a marriage which violates mr. Pells strict edict no man and wife employees in the store in Pells office Edith and the venerable Tom O'Reilly look up as mr. Pells enters dragging Waldo by the year well Waldo let me go is that woman standing there my secretary is she your wife she's my wife oh Waldo you had to go and buy an electric train son you jumped the gun and how was I to know now I should discharge both of you but mrs. Waldo has been loyal and efficient and sometimes how can a fragile woman withstand brute man now listen easy easy Waldo mrs. Waldo you may remain as my secretary Waldo come with me I'll get you your wisdom you're a psycho and that's what I ought to do why Waldo what's come over you easy let hold your temper and there was no time to fly off hand mr. O'Reilly's right I'm coming well at least one he is still working yes and it's a good thing too but when mr. Pells finds out I'm going to have a baby yeah there midday now don't you fret everything will work out I'm sure you always say that well that's my philosophy that's what kept me spirits up when flute both Cassidy was blasting us out of the bags with the snoring and we were trying to quiet him well it's the best way to look at things all right sure oh but it'll give me great pleasure like Waldo to punch him on the nose just once but sometimes it's better to retreat with valor than to advance when you know you can't win or check with you tomorrow either well morning what's cook well quite a bit mr. O'Reilly mr. Pells hasn't filled Waldo's job yet that's good news isn't it and something else mr. Pells may go to the Toledo store no really yes well enough on our side soon I hope well right away according to the teletype the front office wants it they're just waiting for confirmation from Toledo no isn't that great you see what I tell you everything works out it always does check with you tomorrow has he left yet no and he isn't going he isn't Toledo won't have him oh I don't blame them a bit well then what's more he's interviewing men for Waldo's job oh dear me isn't there a speck of good news well our new manager's coming his name is mr. Olson Olson really well maybe he's a square shooter if so he'll sure see it out away well that's something to hope for well see you in the morning has he come yet oh you mean mr. Olson the new manager that's right he arrives tomorrow well we've got a fighting chance then I'm afraid not mr. Pells is delighted he says he and mr. Olson have worked together before and they'll surely have Waldo's job filled in a day or so has Waldo tried elsewhere to line up something yes but you know how things have tightened up and you know Waldo yes I know Waldo well it's all better only a challenge to us but it's almost more than I can bear he's after you now mr. O'Reilly me he says he's going to weed out all the old timers old timer he can never put me in that category but he said he didn't like the way you spoke the day he fired Waldo he had me look up your folder to get your age he ain't mr. Pells is inaugurating a new plan retiring everyone at 65 well let me tell you he was furious when there wasn't even an application blank on you when I was hired there wasn't even a stall well anyway he's heard you talk about the spanish-american war he says if you served in the spanish-american war you'd almost have to be over 65 uh-uh maybe you better tip off your buddies to keep mum huh yeah I'll do that by all means better be prepared for mr. Pells he's really gunning for you you sent for me mr. Pells yes so rather back in the dark ages when you were first hired by this company they didn't keep complete records I wonder if you'd give me the date of your birth me uh me birth that's right well no I don't rightly recall oh come now Riley yeah but I don't but surely you must remember but yeah but I don't and you'll be unfair to ask it oh I am now you're asking a man to remember something that happened back before the dark ages and now already I'll stand for no flippancy however if you want to know how old I am really mr. Pells yes well that's better well a man is as old as he feels and I feel about 27 now listen all Riley tell me this are you or are you not a veteran of the Spanish-american war that question sounds entirely around oh it is well then listen I call for the roster of veterans of the Spanish-american war and they won't send it I don't understand you listen to me already with my own ears I've heard you talk about the barracks at Chickamauga of embarking at Tampa for Cuba mr. Pells amongst me many past accomplishments I was once a writer of fiction the habit sometimes takes over me oh you bother me oh excuse me sir but there's a man here who insists on seeing mr. O'Reilly well upon me war day up and found you I did Tommy O'Reilly you son of a gun sure I'm glad to see you oh well as I live and breathe it's fluke mode capacity and did I have trouble finding you why the buyers here wouldn't tell me a thing the boy where you got them all buffalord like you used to have them at Chickamauga did you see Chickamauga no I flew but if you please please if they please what don't these people know you won the war a 98 single handed you always used to say oh did hi hi hi hi oh dear fluke mouth if the boys here in town wouldn't tell you where I am how did you phone me why the national roster's got you listed time why I was carry one when I had to do a play helps out looking up the buys fluke mouth he was a pen only like 50 years ago and you haven't changed a bit since take him out he's just I want to speak to mr. Pells Well, Tom, I didn't mean to be butthin' it at anything, of course. Well, O'Reilly, then you did serve a hitch in the army. Yes, Mr. Pells, and I've often wished I served a dozen more. Mr. Pells, you can't blame me for it me defendin' me job. I cannot countenance prevarication in any form. I didn't prevaricate, Mr. Pells. I merely evade you the question. One is as bad as the other. You can be assured I'll rush your retirement papers through. I know, please, Mr. Pells, and pointy-gears, I'm an old man. I know, but I'm sufficient for me job. Statistics prove, O'Reilly, 65 is the optimum retirement age. And you are well over that. Yeah, yes, I am, but, Mr. Pells, listen to me. Never before in my life have I obeyed a man for anything, but I'm beggin' you to give me me job. It's really what keeps an old man gone. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry, O'Reilly. It's always difficult to turn a firehorse out to pasture, but we'll make it as painless as possible. I think I can have you ready to leave by tomorrow night. Very well. I have no more arguments in there. Tomorrow's me last day. Oh, Mr. O'Reilly, I'm so sorry. Where's Flutemouse? He's waiting down the hall. Oh, I can't wait to leave you get me hands on him. Well, he'll see you in the morning. Well, good morning, dear. Why, Mr. O'Reilly, you sound so happy. Well, I'm quite kind of man. Be happy. Well, yes, but after all, this is your last day. Ah, no, I think I'll stick around a bit. Stick around? As a man of faith, he had just called Waldo and told him to report back to his old job. Waldo? Mr. O'Reilly, did you and Flutemouse have a fight last night? Were you hit in the head? Flutemouse? No, not with that wonderful lad. Oh, wonderful lad. Yeah, I had dinner with him last night. Ah, he's a lovely boy. Yes, he moved to town with his daughter, a sweeter girl as Cassidy ever produced. I don't understand. Well, she married a sweet, and he fixed us up a lovely dish. Oh, you smorgasbord. Good morning, Mrs. Waldo. I'm two minutes late. I'm sorry. I had to stop at a drugstore for an airspin headache. That is an only headache you're going to have, Pell. What's that, O'Reilly? Let me wait, you fool. I got to sweep this floor. Why, ma'am, are you insane? Mr. O'Reilly. Well, you said out of me way, Pell's, before I smack you with the business end of this room. This man's crazy. I'll have the store police eject him. I'll report this to our new general manager, Mr. O'Reilly. Wait a minute, Mr. O'Reilly. Flukemouth's daughter, you say, is married to a sweet? Our new general manager, Mr. O'Reilly. Oh, Mr. O'Reilly, that's wonderful. Yes, I've met the lad last night. Had a long talk with him about certain affairs of the store. Pell, in particular. Needless to say, we were in perfect agreement. Hello, darling. Somebody called and told me to report to work. Oh, darling, it's true. You're starting back to work. Oh, Mr. O'Reilly. What do you think Mr. O'Reilly will do to Mr. Pell? Well, I made him promise not to commit ma'am. But I don't understand. Mr. Pell said they'd worked together before. Yeah, correct. That's why Mr. Alston swears they'll never work together again. Oh, it's a lovely day indeed if you look at the sunshine. The curtain falls in the final act of the luck of the clarity. Our star, Barry Fitzgerald, will return for a curtain call after this timely message from Wendell Niles. There are thousands of men in the United States to whom the term triple-A has a special meaning. They are the veterans of the anti-aircraft artillery of the armed services. Their communication is specially for them. You see, you triple-A veterans, of all the armed services, your skills are needed now by the anti-aircraft artillery outfits of the U.S. Army. Enlistment now means you will help bring the triple-A up to its proper strength. And to you, personally, it means a secure and exciting future. Experienced triple-A veterans will be enlisted in grades according to skill and length of service. In many cases, you'll be able to get back your old grade to rejoin your old outfit. And more, the peacetime United States Army offers you benefits possible only in an Army career. Interesting, exciting work at good pay. Food, clothing, quarters, and medical care. So think this over, you veterans of the triple-A. Your old anti-aircraft artillery outfit has a vacancy for you now. Your special skills can help keep our country at peace. An Army career is open for you. Visit your local United States Army recruiting station today. Now, once again, our star Barry Fitzgerald and our producer. Motion picture audiences have come to regard Barry Fitzgerald as one of the deans of Hollywood character actors, a lovable man, pipe in mouth, heart of gold beneath a salty disposition. I'll tell you, C.B., it's my golf game that does it. Oh, I had the disposition of a saint before I took it up. I know exactly what you mean. Well, Barry, it's a real pleasure to have you back on another proudly we hail. You know, a character from the old sod, lovable, high integrity. Yeah, yes, if that's anything to do with knocking off a couple of strokes here and there off my scorecard, well, yeah, I'm there. Sure, what's a few strokes between friends? Oh, nothing just costs for me, him, if you knock off as many as I do. You should go a couple of rounds with Crosby and Hope. Yeah, I should, but I won't anymore. You won't? Why? They won't let me. What did you say a while ago, integrity? Integrity? Hope and Crosby? Oh, no, me. And I won't play unless I can keep score. I think I'm beginning to understand. I could show those two whippersnippers a thing or two. I don't doubt it. Yeah, they say my trees look like eights on their cards. But plain enough, I'm mine. Why, they never made a three in their lives. Well, that's what I came on telling them. But you made yours fairly. Oh, as honest as Patty's being. I imagine they didn't get a little upset. A little upset, now, CP. Now, you know that I'm the mildest tempered man in the world. Sure. Look, those two act like a couple of dervishes if you never offer stroke or two in there. They take their golf seriously. Oh, it's life and death of the man. You think they couldn't afford to pay me a few dollars a hold? Well, Barry, you come out to my club with me tomorrow. There won't be any argument. Yes, sure, I know that. You're a sensible man. But I keep score, man. Just in time to see who's playing here in your theatre next time. Next week, Barry and ladies and gentlemen, the highly talented actor Barry Sullivan will be our star in a comedy titled The Martins and the McCoys. It is a bright story of the New York Theatre and the elements that comprise that world of entertainment, their feuds and their jealousies. Sure, and I'll be listening. Goodbye, CP. Goodbye, Barry Fitzgerald. Be sure to join us next week, ladies and gentlemen, when we bring you Barry Sullivan in The Martins and the McCoys. Until then, this is CP McGregor saying thanks for listening and cheerio from Hollywood. Barry Fitzgerald appears with the courtesy of the Hollywood Coordinating Committee with the arranging for the appearance of all stars on this program. Scripted by Rich Hall with music under the direction of Eddie Scravan. The program is transcribed in Hollywood for release at this time. Wendell Niles speaking.