"Hi, my name is Michelle and I'm an Ex Mormon."





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Published on Nov 19, 2010




Having grown up in the Caribbean I remember hearing the wonderful stories about the temple. I was excited when I went to the temple for the first time to "take out my endowments." This is where it all started.

As I attended the temple over the following years, more things began to stand out for me.

Over the years I developed a coping mechanism for dealing with the questions I had about the temple. One lingering question I had, begged to know where the ceremony originated. I also felt that no one had prepared me for the experience and wondered why. So I came out of the temple that first day with a million questions swirling around in my head. Like a good Mormon should, I smiled, and said 'yes it was a wonderful experience" to anyone who asked, but on the ride home I was pretty quiet.

I did everything I was supposed to do as a faithful member of the church. Living the Mormon gospel was quite easy for me. The adjustment to married life was an easy transition. We were married in the Cardston, AB temple in 1994 and by the time I graduated from Ricks college I was several months pregnant.

On October 13 2006 I boarded a plane headed to Salt Lake City for my Sister in Laws' wedding to be held in the Salt Lake temple later that day. On that trip to Utah we visited with family and friends, toured the beehive house and saw the recent Joseph Smith movie produced by the Church. That movie marked the beginning of a journey that led me to some very important discoveries.

We were all very excited to see the recently produced Joseph Smith movie. I sat in that movie theatre and watched this very glorified depiction of Joseph Smiths' life while family and other viewers sniffled at the tear jerking scenes. I watched Joseph Smith being depicted as a model citizen teaching a young man how to treat his wife. It was all so perfect, too perfect. White washed propaganda is what came to mind as I sat there wanting, waiting, wondering if they would show the other wives that I was aware he had. I realized right then and there that if I were one of these visitors to Salt Lake City and this is the version of the Joseph Smith story I was given, it would be missing a whole lot. And then the thought came to mind, what else have they to hide? What else do I not know? What else are they not telling me? When the movie was finished I did not join in on any of the conversations about how great and touching the movie was. Under my breath I said to my husband, 'what about the other wives?' to which he quickly shushed me. Right then I knew there was probably more to the story and had to ask myself, "If polygamy was an eternal principle why are we ashamed of it?" I couldn't help but feel like the message of the restoration was first presented to my family in a similar fashion as this movies depiction of Joseph Smith.

Disingenuous, dishonest, crafty were all adjectives I could think of to express my opinion of the movie. The honest part of me would not allow loyalty to override my circuits. I had to find answers. I flew home to Canada and immediately started researching the one thing that bothered me the most about Mormonism. The temple. What I was finding out bothered me immensely but I didn't feel like I could talk to my husband about it. Boy was my husband scared when he checked the history on the computer. It was as if he'd seen a ghost when he came to our room that evening when we finally talked about it. By this time I knew about the blood oaths and other things that had been changed from the original ceremony. I knew quite a bit about Joseph's involvement in masonry and polygamy and along with being almost physically sick about the whole thing I was angry. A bull in a shop filled with red china wouldn't be an understatement as I confronted my husband with what I knew. His first response was to call it all lies being spouted by 'anti-Mormons'. He wanted me to promise not to read any more. To this request I took exception as I do not believe in censorship and I let him know how wrong it was for him to even suggest it. I wanted for us to determine what were lies and what was not. I pointed out all the disturbing facts without any opinions attached and let him know that I wasn't interested in an interpretation of the facts. The facts stood for themselves and the facts were disturbing according to my own frame of reference.


To read Michelle's full story, please visit Michelle's post here:


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