 Well, hello and welcome to understand men now. I'm Jonathan assay of Jonathan assay calm And I'm so excited to be shooting this live stream for you today our topic the six ways a man shows you He loves you and he's serious about a relationship. Let's talk about those six ways Really quickly if you're new to my youtube channel, please hit the subscribe button Hit the bell to be notified of new content and please hit that like button whenever you hear something you like Something that resonates with you All right, we're just gonna jump into the topic I know this is a live stream and people will be joining but this is for those that are listening to the recording So we're gonna talk about those six ways a man shows you he loves you now. This is actually a topic that was birth Birth in a question that I posted in my private group called midlife love mastery And this is a very inexpensive group to get direct access to me on a regular basis through a private Facebook Group and on a one-to-one web and R and then we've got a website that's got tons of videos Almost any topic you can think of you can go to the site and click on it So check out the link in the description to midlife love mastery to have direct access to me But I asked a question of the members of the group and we've got hundreds and hundreds of women in the group And I asked them what are different ways that you feel loved in the relationship? What are different ways you feel loved in the relationship? So this is actually not from the male perspective. This is actually this content is actually from the woman's perspective the female perspective and So we're gonna dive into different ways men show you they love you Okay, so I'm gonna have to put on my glasses because and by the way for those I bring up my glasses before It's not that I'm embarrassed about glasses. It's just I think I look better with them out with not with them on I know many of you said I look good with them on so I want to thank you so much So the six different ways look at there's even a sheet here all the different ways So I want to share the first one and there was two different versions of this And I'm gonna read exactly what was shared in the group and one of the members writes Includes me includes me includes me in decision-making with me in mind. He's thinking of me It's really sweet and it's being super supportive being on my side So and there's a follow-up one that says always includes her in his plans Asks about her life offers to do something for her as if she needs something makes plans with her ask her Before tells her that he likes her and she's important and happy to be around her I love this particular one because what this is talking about is inclusivity inclusivity When a man really genuinely cares about you and is serious about a relationship He makes you inclusive in his life Now we have to differentiate between the early stages of dating versus once we've gotten past the sex piece Okay, so there's the initial drive when men are I don't like using the courting I'm gonna use the word chasing and let's be real. He's not chasing a relationship He's most of the time chasing sex. Okay. I'm not saying that's an absolute, but that's when someone is chasing something It's not you yet because he doesn't know who you are yet So most of the time it's the chase is that biological thing. So we have to differentiate the first one two three four five six seven eight nine ten dates We're usually somewhere between one two three four five six seven eight nine ten sex happens versus after ten dates or After you've spent about a hundred hours of face-to-face time together You know now this is an arbitrary number a hundred hours But when someone invests a hundred hours of face-to-face time Then chances are they're gonna want to Pursue a relationship with you and again one of the ways a man shows you he loves you and he's serious about a relationship is Inclusivity he makes you he discusses things with you. It's not arbitrary He doesn't go off and make decisions without you He brings you into his life whether it's his own personal life or it real its material to the relationship. So remember inclusivity By the way, if you'd like this hit that like button so more people can be seeing this Livestream right now and certainly for those listening to the recording because the more likes that happen The more people get to see this. Okay number two Number two this centers around love language and there's a particular reason why this is so important So one of our members writes my love language is acts of service Helping me do things I can't do for myself Because of physical injuries would be heaven for me Hope to find one of those one day and I've had this before and it's fantastic and another member writes Understands my love language and why it's important. Okay. This is hugely important for for what I call Emotional connection or emotional connectivity or connected emotionally connected when you entered if the man you're with is not familiar with the five Love languages I highly recommend I highly recommend That you here's the book The five love languages for singles right there the singles edition now You can go online to check out the book and if you're not familiar with the five love languages they go like this words of Affirmation although I'm a Leo, so it's actually words of adoration because we like our we like our main stroke we Leo's Or at least this Leo does I can only speak for myself words of adoration or affirmation Access service. Oh, actually, let's go in the order. I think it's in the book words of affirmation Physical touch quality time access service and gifts words physical touch acts quality time access service and gifts So I highly recommend that before you get to Invested in a man that you read you you do you go online. Just Google five love languages You can take a test online. You can have the guy take a test online to see what your love languages are and talk about it Talk about this guys. We ladies I'm fascinated out how few of you have real deep conversations with men It's always so surface level quite a conversation. How's it going? How's your day? How's your day been? I hope your day has been good. Is your day good? Yeah, my day is good I hope your day is good. Oh, I hope you have a fab day wishing you a fab day I mean, this is such benign rhetoric Can we go deeper and ask deeper questions right from the get-go? That's my invitation for you. So learning each other's love languages highly important in Connecting with one another at an emotional connection and if this resonates with you Please hit that like button so we can see so I can tell more people are watching. Please. Let me know if you like this content Okay, so that was number two. Let's talk about number three And I like this one one of our members writes the following. This is gonna take me a second to read When I've had a rough day, and I'm feeling sad or frustrated He listens to me and holds me then he encourages me to do something kind for myself like a bath Meanwhile, he makes dinner cleans up He also emphasizes situations that might have disappointed me and apologizes even if he hasn't said anything He makes a real effort to picture walking in my shoes Let me repeat that he makes a real effort to picture walking in my shoes I really don't know this was possible to feel so loved by a man. I Love what this member shares and again This is a member from my private group called midlife love mastery what she's describing is empathy empathy now empathy isn't simply I feel your feelings empathy is genuinely I care about your feelings. I'm I Want to I want to care about your feelings like that's real Demonstration of love in fact John Gottman talks about the three stages of love and the first stage is always self oriented What can I get okay from the relationship? The second is what can I give? That's the second stage of love and the third stage is is really my partner's needs become my own needs Okay, so because oftentimes what one person's needs are different than others But ultimately when you're genuinely in love with someone when you're serious about a relationship your partner's needs become your own needs So I love what this member shared again the member in my group called midlife love mastery check out the description below It's in the description Or make a note of it It's caught you can go to my website Jonathan as a comm to join the group to have direct access to me and be able to Have these kind of conversations with me, and I love what this member said around empathy All right, let's talk about the fourth one And what this member writes he respects and appreciates me for who I am He respects and appreciates me for who I am. I love this. I love this because what this describes is acceptance acceptance Let's face it. We all want to feel accepted for who we are. I mean we are a lovable dysfunctional, you know humanity is lovable than dysfunctional at the same time I say lovable because we're humans and we're dysfunctional and yet there is a little child inside of us That's yearning for love love love and just being accepted for who we are. I remember growing up and that's a picture of my mom and dad there, but I grew up my parents were from another country and Actually, my parents are from Istanbul, Turkey So although I was born here in the United States and I always felt different from all the other kids who were American and we were foreign and I never felt accepted for who I was I was ridiculed people used to make jokes kids used to make jokes, you know, turkey turkey gobble gobble And my parents spoke with the foreign, you know with an accent and they made fun of me and that was hit So as an adult we're screaming to feel accepted by people That's what we thirsty. We're thirsty for acceptance and this is so true in relationship. Can you accept me for who I am? Now that's not accepting bad behavior. I think there's this Marilyn Monroe meme that says if you can't accept me at my worst You don't deserve me at my best and I mean look I'm all we all can have bad days But that's a real that I mean I'm not suggesting we shouldn't have unconditional love But that doesn't give permission for someone to be their worst and then you accept them for that I'm differentiating between something intentional versus something that is situational Because we can all have bad days, but if someone's continually having a bad day in their life You don't have to accept that Okay, because a relationship is about being on that road in a two-lane street together With one another and accepting each other for who we are So number four is acceptance get if this resonates with you hit that like button, please tell your friends to join I see a number of my friends have just joined. Thanks Jennifer Jennifer Pamela and everyone. Thanks so much All right, let's get to number five five. I Love this one. In fact, there's two versions that were shared in the group one is No words needed It's the way he holds me all night when we go to bed. He takes me to places. I've never been before It says we're a team no matter what life brings and then another member writes his Patience when he's around me no pressure at all from him about anything Everything from physical to emotional flowers on the car for no reason the way he looks at me at a distance and the way he holds Me I love this because ladies What this is describing at least in my purview is Safety and no doubt No doubt Isn't there a rock band or isn't there an 80s band called not 80s band 90s band called no doubt What's their most popular song? Please post it. I know I can't think of it right now But it's a group called no doubt. Anyway, what I mean by no doubt is you're not doubting the relationship Most of you that watch YouTube videos We're trying to understand men is if you're in a relationship is because you're doubting the relationship most likely and those who are not doubting the relationship Feel safe and when you feel safe, that's when we feel loved So Feeling no doubt in other words, you're not second-guessing the relationship And I would say the vast majority who women who reach out to me on a professional level is because there is a fear going on Within the relationship there is a fear and that's okay But if you're in constant doubt worry and fear then the man then this person isn't helping you feel safe and I'm a huge proponent of opening up talking to them and Expressing what helps you feel safe in a relationship. That is how a grown-up leans into a relationship In fact, if you haven't read the book How to be an adult in relationship the five keys to mindful loving one of the first things is open your mouth and Talk about what makes you feel safe And not this, you know, it'd be really feel good if you did this How about I would feel really safe in our relationship if this were going on That's a big word safe and yet and what's so important about that word is if he genuinely loves you He wants you to feel emotionally and physically safe in the relationship All right, that was number five and number six bump bump bump and then we're gonna take questions It was Gwen Stefani and the song was called don't speak, okay? That's right, I couldn't remember okay, so number six the six and by the way There is way more than six. These are just six that came up in my private group. So And this is one of our members rights our newer member rights Being actively engaged on all levels being actively engaged on all levels and why I like this Is it's a demonstration of progressing the relationship forward? It's a it's a demonstration of being committed to the relationship The real challenge in dating today is Most of the time there's very weak commitment You know well before sex and certainly after sex there's other than the agreement of monogamy and exclusivity There isn't very much commitment involved in the relationship again beyond monogamy and exclusivity And there are deeper roots to commitment. In fact, it's one of the things I teach in my private coaching practice I've got a program called shortcut to mr. Right. It's a five-week boot camp. It's about 20 hours worth of work with me It's intense stuff and I teach you how to vet for emotionally available men and also how to create the roots to trust To trust and commitment So if you want some support on that check out the link to a free discovery call with me to see if working with the coaches Right for you because that's my area of expertise and for a small investment. You can you know, it's amazing women who hire me meet great guys Literally weeks within signing up to one of my programs. It's like blows me away. It's like the floodgates open It's like the minute a woman makes the investment great guys start to appear So my invitation for you whether you hire me as a coach or do anything is make the investment in yourself And that investment is a daily practice of personal development self-help and spiritual work Personal in fact, that's why I wrote my book. What the heck is self-love anyway? What the heck is self-love anyway? It's a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work on a daily basis By the way, this is the back cover I love this picture. This picture was taken by my ex-girlfriend's boyfriend when I stayed at their home He and I went and played golf, but he took a picture of me one morning I love this photograph, but my book what the heck is self-love anyway? Does anyone own a copy? Please post a comment below or hit that like button. All right We're gonna take questions now So I'll be looking in the question in the Q&A right now and okay So we'll wrap up those first six and I'll repeat them at the end again Now really quickly we're gonna start with a trivia question and today is 90s trivia So before we start the Q&A here is a trivia question for all of you Who's saying the ubiquitous hit song too legit to quit who's saying the ubiquitous hit single Hit single not song hit single too legit to quit. This is a 90s trivia question. All right Let's see who can get that right. All right now. Let's go to the Q&A board Don't speak by no doubt correct, okay, Jonathan I'm confused if we say it would make me feel safe if you do this I I worry he will view me as insecure that I don't know how to feel safe myself Karen writes, let me repeat that Jonathan I'm confused if we say it would make me feel safe to do this. I worry he would view me as Insecure, I love this question. So Chapter one in my book is called speak your truth do it with kindness again my book John So what the heck is self-love anyway link below? So here's the thing when you're with the right guy if it's sincere and from your heart So if there's something that's creating doubt in the relationship, you have every right to speak up No doubt speak. What was the song again? To speak up and to speak your truth. So to say you need something to feel safe That's not insecure from the perspective of it's really a reflection of him It's what you need from him to feel safer in the relationship It might be just simply saying you know what I Notice you take a lot of time off And you you what I mean by time off you you're gone quite a bit and you don't check in with me And I feel really connect connected to you I feel safer if you did that is that okay? You're simply making a request. You're making a bid for love I'm gonna repeat that you're making a bid for love and nothing is more powerful than making a bid for love So John Gottman who wrote the book? My favorite book my favorite relationship book eight next to my book eight dates by dr. John Gottman talks about making bids and requests and Is absolutely okay to say I'd feel safer in the relationship that this happened if he judges you as insecure That's on him not on you Now you I wouldn't be vomiting insecurity You know, but I'd certainly share what I'm feeling does this resonate with you if it does hit that like button alright So let's let's see if anyone got it right. Yes MC Hammer. That is correct All right, let's see what other questions came in joy writes Okay, I haven't dated a long time now the mindset to me seems wrong when did it shift to more casual mindset and Not much towards commitment. Okay, I haven't dated Joey writes. I haven't dated a long time now the mindset Seems wrong when I when did it shift from more casual mindset and not so much towards commitment. Okay, Joey That's a great question So if you think about it, it used to be if you wanted to get laid you had to get married So you used to make the ultimate commitment and then somewhere around the 60s and the feminist movement the invention of the birth control Pill the need for marriage to have sex Work together So now we can actually enter into Enter into a relationship begin a sexual relationship Without actually ever really building the roots to deeper trust and commitments Because it's not required Now it's a little bit different for men in their 20s and 30s versus men in their 40s 50s and 60s or 70s Okay, so let's differentiate the two Men in their 20s and 30s are typically on the hunt for a wife if they want to have children Men are on the hunt for a wife if they want to have children So what's happening is they're actively seeking a life partner Not all men lots of men in their 20s and 30s if they want to have children So they actually have a goal in mind now for our 40s 50s and 60 and 70 year olds It's a lot different roughly 75 percent of singles over 45 years old are divorced And with that it comes with a whole set of different issues because there's a huge reluctance to remarry and Because of that it's very difficult to determine what commitment is That's why I do a deeper dive on this with my private coaching when clients work with me Because without understanding the deeper dive of commitment what that looks like from your perspective It's gonna make it difficult for him to know because men are rather clueless Ladies if you follow my stuff, I say this over and over again most men are good guys. They're just bad daters They're clueless. They're not intentionally clueless now not all men But the vast majority of men because what they're seeking most of the time is connection and sex Which is really just another form of companionship without any real idea of what commitment looks like for them So this is why it starts by understanding what commitment looks like for you What does commitment look like for you, oh my god, I gotta tell you I'm gonna tell you story I get this call This is years ago from art. I'm working with a client and she says Jonathan I'm in a relationship with a guy blah blah blah blah and she goes and I want more commitment I'm like great. What does look what does commitment look like for you? Well, Jonathan? I just want more commitment from him. I'm great. What does that look like for you? But Jonathan I just want more commitment from him great. What does that look like for you? But John so she's screaming thinking that saying it louder the same words over and over and over again louder is Gonna answer her question if she doesn't know it for herself And if she can't explain it to me, how can a guy know what it is and ladies? That's where I see the trap for most of you What commitment looks like for you is called your standards. What are your standards? What it is it that you're seeking and I can tell you the vast majority of women This is gonna sound like a judgment But this is just my perception based on talking to thousands of women You all look at relationships up in the cloud I hope I don't have pissing up in the clouds in the fantasy realm. You're off the Disney land instead of the ground level But because you think in the clouds, somehow that makes you more virtuous. It doesn't If you want to become more grounded then start at the ground level. Is that making sense? Is this sinking in I Hope I answered your question All right All right, joy, I hope that answer your question giving you a big gigantic jot them bear hug Give you a hug if that's okay hit that like button if this is resonating with you Colleen writes a gentleman I thought had lost interest recently reached out through texts. This happens way too often with this man Should I ask him if he wants to get into a more committed relationship? um Well, you could simply yeah you sure absolutely you can do that Like sometimes you got a smack guys upside the head say what the fuck do you want? Oh my god? I Look at my cup. What does it say? Swear a little you'll feel good. You'll feel better. Yeah, what the fuck do you want? Like are you you know? Let's let's stop treating men at these passive children and smack them upside the nose and Go what the fuck are you doing? I mean you you're not gonna okay Look it you're not gonna say it like that and I really appreciate what you said Colleen Hey, I'd like to know are you interested in exploring a serious relationship with me or you just jerking off? Okay, because if you're jerking off go jerk off with someone else By the way, I do curse I Do curse I have this napkin check this out Fuckity fuckity fuck fuck fuck I curse listen. I curse simply to enhance sentences. It's not to offend anyone It's just my style. I'm not I'm I tend to curse more when I shoot videos than I do in life in general But I'm just saying I just do it for the humor's sake, so I hope you can appreciate it But ultimately here's the bottom line Ask stop ladies stop being passive when it comes to men Your biggest one of your biggest challenges is you expect men to know what they're doing and I'm telling you you are in charge of your Relationship destiny not look it. I know it's great You all are seeking the the ten percenter that guy who's emotionally mature He's got his act together. You know, he's got your values are aligned your lifestyles aligned He's he's demonstrative. He's effusive. He comes after you I get it look at we all want Confidence, you know people in our lives But the reality is is most human beings are riddled with flaws and here's the good news people with flaws Make great partners to grow with one another to grow with one another if you're not familiar with the book Gary Zuccoff wrote the book seed of the soul, but he also wrote this great book called spiritual partnership. Oh My gosh ladies I want to begin to encourage you to start thinking of a relationship is something you Co-create together to create commitment. Hey, see I did this co-create something together to make commitment Commitment is a strong bond. I can't pull it apart But it has to be done together This is why reading these books that I recommend Especially going back to eight dates because it's a blueprint to make this happen. By the way, can I tell you ladies something? I can't tell you how many of you have written at me and said Jonathan I'm in a relationship with a guy. I introduced the book eight dates and I can't tell you how much I appreciated Your advice. He is more attentive in the relationship He's actually interested in pursuing it at a much deeper level Ladies and it didn't take much all she had to do is say hey Here's a book. I'm reading would you be open to reading it together? Now some of you are gonna say if I did that that will scare the man away Good you want to scare away the wrong guys as soon as possible To invite in the right guys in your life, you know, that's why I'm not a big proponent of leaning back I'm a big proponent of leaning in and taking charge of your relationship destiny Hey, by the way, I've lost some weight recently, so I'm feeling really good about myself I put on like ten pounds over this over the winter and now I've lost like nine and I got a few more to go So I'm wearing my tight shirt again today And I want to thank everyone for your kind comments always. All right, we're gonna take some more questions Let's see. Who do we have? Bear with me All right Okay, Diana writes. Oh, I love the name Diana. I think of Diana I'm not Princess Diana anyway Not that I'm relating you Diana Should I hang on to a man that will not commit eight months of dating? He will commit to being exclusive, but he says he doesn't feel love. I am I wasting my time? Will he ever feel it if he doesn't now? You know what? If a man says I don't feel love I'm sure you may if any spent eight months with you then most likely what he's Experiencing is what's called? Stable ambiguity stable ambiguity. I want you to Google the word Diana what she's stable ambiguity By Esther Perrell Esther Perrell wrote the book mating in captivity mating in captivity And she talked stable ambiguity is basically getting connection and sex So you and the stable part is it's monogamous and exclusive However, what's missing is Direction what's missing is commitment and most of the time what's missing is deep genuine love And while he might demonstrate some of the six things that we talked about ultimately If he if he genuinely cares about you then what you need to tell him point blank is look I want a serious committed relationship that leads to marriage now I that's my word so take it for what it's worth Diana But listen you want to cut to the quick if he doesn't want marriage Then don't and if it's something you want or if you want to live with someone and be a true partner with someone Then get that shit out of the way eight months is a lot Look at eight months is enough time to figure it out And if he happens to be over 50 years old if he doesn't know his ship by eight months Then you know what say listen sweetheart. I wish you all the best I'm gonna go find a man who wants what I want and I want the best for you go out and have a good life Okay, I hope Diana. I hope that helps Cynthia writes can you you can never say the wrong thing to the right person? Yes chapter 9 in my book Where's chapter 9 if it's sincere and from the heart read that if it's sincere and from the heart You can can't say the wrong thing you can't if it's sincere and from the heart so correct Yes, finally the infamous glasses. Thanks. They won Andrea writes I think it's because of the internet and dating apps the next option is just a quick click away Andrea Yes, there's a blessing in curse with the dating apps I'm gonna take another trivia question a second the blessing and curse of dating apps is a Blessing is you have access to people you wouldn't otherwise having your life be There's a false sense of choice as if there's thousands of choices out there And so it used to be we operate it from a place of scarcity in other words Ten people lived in your village five women five men. That's all you got to choose from okay And I'm thinking back hundreds of years ago, right or thousands of years ago Whatever whatever the amount of people in your village That has certainly changed however now let's be real look at I don't know about you. I work from home I mean I've been working for a home for a decade, but most of us are now stuck at home The reality is is nobody's knocking down my door to say hey Jonathan I'd like to ask you out and I'm not knocking down anyone else's door to ask them out because I'm not seeing them That's the hard part. We don't see people. So what we have is this little device And we go let's see if I have any bumble action right now Looks like I get to do a super. Oh, she's kind of cute. Let's swipe. Oh, she's cute All right, I'm just having some fun Let's take another trivia question and then we're gonna answer more questions. I hope I answered yours All right our next question In the 1984 comedy dumb and dumber What color tuxedo did Lloyd wear to the snow owl benefit what color? Tuxedo did Lloyd Lloyd wear to the snow owl benefit and the follow-up question. What's Lloyd's last name? Let's see if anyone gets this right All right. All right, let's take some more questions Crystal dating coach says although ladies dating doesn't mean having sex although Lady although ladies dating doesn't mean having sex. I agree What about men and women who marry older and have kids not everyone marries long? I'm not sure what your question is Diana writes commitment looks like to me a promise to work towards a life partner Let's Diana Commitment looks like a promise to work towards life partner. Do me a favor. Give me 10 examples of what that looks like and Post it. I want 10 examples of what that looks like and you can only post until you come up with 10 examples Colleen writes love this. Thank you Jonathan CB writes at what point in dating can you expect commitment from a man before moving on? Again, I invite you to decide what commitment looks like for you What does commitment look like for you because if it's and here's my belief? after age 45 look at most people if you've invested one year or Four seasons you get a sense of whether or not you want to make a full commitment with this person It doesn't take that long to decide the problem is you two aren't talking about it Or I'm gonna say most people aren't talking about the relationship. That's why these books that I recommend eight dates in this book are so look at So critically important Know what a relationship looks like in the area of commitment and then you can talk about it Listen ladies if the penis gets to go inside the vagina on a regular basis You have every right to talk about the relationship Stop being passive start being demonstrative start speaking up My chapter one in my book speak your truth. All right Who's gonna get the trivia question correct? Let's say Uh dead stop. I hope I don't have pit stage. Yeah, Colleen. Thank you Oops Okay, Sophie right away Jennifer writes I've scared away many men when I shared myself help work PS you look great. Thank you I'm trying to lose COVID weight. I gotcha. Okay. You scared men away What that really means is you haven't scared them away what it means is a misalignment. It's simply a misalignment You are aligned this way and he's aligned this way And the fact that he goes in this direction means he's not aligned with you remember I talk about a relationship as a two lane street Find people who are aligned to who you are your values blendable lifestyle emotional maturity and then ignite that with chemist though There's my armpits again. I ignite that with chemistry and you've got a great chance for relationship success All right Um Don't worry steer time Diana cb writes so if he writes we had one day It was short and sweet still we don't know each other well He went back to his hometown sparingly. He writes and calls show interest in three days. No contact I don't I don't like on and off communication. So my belief ladies If you're making effort to communicate and he's not corresponding Then I like how Matthew hussy. This is something I I heard this from Matthew hussy, which I love Invest and test see if he meets you Okay, so you invest and see if he catches up to you if he doesn't if he's still here It's not your job to lean back. It's just move on You know invest and then see if he joins you and if he doesn't Then you have to ask yourself. Is this the type of person? I want to be with and I'm tired of look at We're on and off in the beginning because we're strangers to one another This whole stupid fucking narrative about men or chivalrous and they go after what they want and blah blah blah blah Is so such a crock the realities is we're strangers to one another We're all scared men and women alike and this whole rhetoric. Well, I don't like men who are scared I just want confident men. Well, good luck because that's such a By the way, never do this in front of a guy always do it this if it's a lady you do it this way I can do this It's such a small percentage Of men who are genuinely confident and then there's another percentage of men that are confident But they're just players. They're just charming doesn't mean that they're the right person for you The reality is is a Your ideal partner is riddled with flaws Because you can work on them together. You can work on your shit together This is why I'm a big proponent of reading the book the Hoffman process the Hoffman process So you can learn about your childhood wounds and traumas And then you can heal your negative patterns and your limiting beliefs in your life Now by the way ladies It might seem like I repeat the same books over and over again One of the things is someone could be brand new to my channel and hasn't seen my other videos So for those that have watched my videos regularly I repeat these books because these are the best books out there and there's new books coming in my door every day I'm reading this brand new book called self-compassion self-compassion By christine neff check that out christ here look it Go back to the replay and pause right there Um, these are books to help you you become the best version of yourselves because when you become the best version of yourself You become a magnetic attractor for a great guy By the way those interested in the answer It was not a red tuxedo. It was an orange tuxedo and His name brand burgundy got it right. His last name was christmas or is christmas Okay Let's take another question. Um Kerry, I don't know why your post was deleted. I didn't do anything Um Sophie writes, thank you for the answer. I'd like to see some consistency in communication. I agree with you invest in test I love that. I love that. By the way, if this is resonating with you, please hit that like button Please this way more people get to see this Oh Kerry writes or jennifer writes. We all have flaws. I'm a big fan of brunet brown's work on shame and vulnerability Where's my brunet brown book? brunet brown Daring greatly. Oh my god Love this book We all if when it comes to love we should just be bold and daring not passive and weak That's why I'm not a big fan of feminine energy work because it's such a passivity based way of dating It's almost a submissive way of being in relationship and ladies. I want to empower you to be in your empowered Self dare greatly be empowered Don't be passive. Don't be submissive be empowered and that's not masculine or feminine. That's just sexy energy to be empowered I'm yelling. I'm yelling. I'm gonna stop yelling. Okay Kerry writes, how do I track men around my own age? Here go to bumble and swipe on men your own age. That's one way Hey Diane 10 things is hard Oh, okay. So diana writes 10 things is hard to write about commitment I guess I have some digging in my head to me. It seems easy a promise to work towards marriage Yes, but I want you to give me examples. This is going back to that lady. I want more commitment What does that look like? But I just want more commitment. But what does that look like? diana do the same thing if you can't write it down Then you don't know it a promise. Yes, a commitment is simply a promise But I want you to give me examples of what are we promising to? okay Lisa writes, I'm told to relax about dating, but I don't worry about breaking someone's heart like I had By getting serious too quickly. I'm told to relax about dating, but I worry about breaking someone's heart. Okay, lisa If you break someone's heart, is it because you're misleading somebody? Because if you're genuinely misleading someone then I'm not a big fan of that So if it's if someone gets attached to you And he's not the right person for you His feelings are not your responsibility. His feelings are his responsibility Your feelings are your responsibility Now I understand because we don't you know being nice Means or being a people pleaser means we we want everybody to be happy but ultimately the most The most what's word I'm looking for Powerful thing you can do for another Is to be transparent Authentic and vulnerable. That's the most powerful thing you can do for another human being be transparent Be authentic be vulnerable That's what we call the words being honest. Okay. It's really there. It's not about honesty. It's about authenticity vulnerability and transparency So I want you to lean into that you be responsible for your feelings. Let him to be responsible for his feelings ladies Do you agree with this you are in charge of your feelings? He's in charge of his feelings. Do you agree with this? Please let me know Okay Um, lianna writes. I have a man friend who pursued me in the beginning then stopped dead with your help Jonathan Iced understand him much better now. We are friends, but he wants sex a lot not healthy, right? Look, I'm not here to jet if you want to have sex go out and knock it out ladies by the way Until you find the right relationship Find a friend with benefit in the meantime and by the way, I know that sounds like a guy thing But you every by the way I know lots of women who have friends with benefits in their lives while they're searching for a life mate Because sex is the juicy delicious part that we you know, we oftentimes have to wait for being relationship You don't have to wait and be in a relationship if you find someone you want to have sex with so Be empowered do what you want to do Um, Carrie writes. I'm empowered have sexy energy. Yes Okay Jennifer writes. I'm on bumble and hitch and coffee meets bagel. I tried coffee meets bagel. I thought it was Wank Um, I cannot stand all the queen and feminine energy discussion. I'm so over it you and me both number one Now allison armstrong talks about the queen but and by the way, I'm a fan of allison's work So the queen's code Is really about understanding men. It's a thick book. By the way, allison's a personal friend We we she invited me to speak at one of her events. She said i'm the only Coach dating coach that's ever spoken at one of her events. She at least she told me that and um And I the queen energy is Is not arrogant energy. It's not print. See a lot of queen energy is really wrapped up in princess energy A lot of princess energy wants to be taken care of by their daddies So a lot of this feminine energy Energy conversation is just princess energy because they want to be taken care of by a guy to be submissive and to be passive Um under the guise of empowerment. I that's my interpretation of it But I want you to lean into queen energy means you are you are sovereign in yourself You are your sovereignty you are in charge of your destiny a king and queen co-create a relationship And repeat that a king and queen co-create a relationship um I have to apologize. I just i'm looking at the picture of connor and it just triggered me right now I I post these are pictures of my sons and me and such I post these all the time I share this with you because this is part of my life. Most of you know, I lost connor And to an accident. So I just when I saw his picture just triggered me for a second By the way, for those that have asked I have three bracelets that I wear I want to read them to you one says i'm enough The other is con this was the blue one is about connor says it rests with love and the other one is my infinity stones or chakra stones chakra Crystals or whatever they are. So I call them the infinity from the marvel Uh, anyway, those are my bracelets because some people have asked. All right, let's keep jumping. Oh, are we ready for another question? Let's do another question Oh, I like this one. I'm a big fan of the matrix. Are you a fan of a matrix? Uh, and by the way, diana, I'll get to yours in the 1990s the matrix mr. Anderson swallowed a pill To begin his quest of becoming neo. What color was the pill? What color was the pill? Let's see if someone gets that right. All right. Um Okay, joy writes aren't women labeled and judged more harshly than men seeking just sex You know, I love this question joy Because my answer is who gives a fuck what other body anyone else says about you, but you Not about you and you I'm trying to eliminate but Who gives a fuck what someone else says about you chapter five in my book What's that say? Don't let anyone f with your chi don't let anyone f with your chi What you think of you matters most if you want to have sex with guys, that's okay Who gives a crap what someone else says? By the way, this chapter was birthed by connor. He had this ability. He didn't care what other people thought of him That's how I came up with this chapter in the book. So my Shocker of stones. Thank you. So my invitation for you joy. Who cares if someone else judges you If you judge yourself, then you have to look inward as to why you're judging yourself. I hope that answers your question Um, thank you for the hugs. Thank you everyone. I appreciate that about connor What's your best way? CB writes, what's your best way when you do disclose your difficult history with a very dysfunctional family? I love this question. What's the best way or when do you disclose difficult history with a very dysfunctional family? first off, I don't discuss Very intimate things until trust has been built So the first, you know, it takes a few dates to begin some layers of familiarity and trust I think what's most important is if you're going to discuss Dysfunctional family do it from an empowered sense an empowered sense and not from a victim sense Sadly, a lot of people discuss their family life from a very negative victim Narrative instead of an empowered narrative. So you might share some challenges with family members and it doesn't affect you Okay, if it affects you then it can be material to the relationship because if you're affected by your family You might not be a good partner to someone and that might mean you have to shore up your life Before you bring someone else into your dysfunctionality. So my invitation for you is make sure your ground underneath you is solid Before you invest in someone if you have a dysfunctional family at least that's just a quick answer all right It's none of my business what others think about me exactly Carrie Okay, one writes when okay, okay saying no to princess type Say saying no to princess type of queen energy I'm too academic and scientifically inclined to follow such need factual and battleground dating proven great Joy writes, I know I know I knew when we were going there. I still had a hard thought still have a hard thought Got it. Thank you. All right. What would you say if a long-distance boyfriend is wanting you to go to one Wanted wait what k k k writes. What would you say if a long-distance relation? A long-distance boyfriend is wanting to go to one chick to another and he doesn't want to be with me because of distance So If I'm understanding this correctly you have a boyfriend. It's long distance and he wants to sleep with other people If you don't know the answer to that question I think you need to do some work because everybody who's read this knows the answer to this question The question is what do you want? Do you want a man who's exclusive with you or do you want a man sleeping with other people? If it's okay, they sleep with other people you can do whatever you want And if it's not okay, he sleeps with other people and dates other people then dump them Okay 50 Lindsay right. Hi, Jonathan. I've been texting with a guy for a few months But we never chat via phone or face face face to face time face face How do we move away from this texting and go to the next stage? Uh pick up the phone and call him. Look it. This is a text message This is my latest text message with one of my clients. See that little thing right up top there It's got a little telephone. Just hit that and dial the motherfucker Just get on the phone and if he doesn't want to talk on the phone, why are you wasting your time text? Listen Our thumbs are not a way to have a relationship Our let me repeat this someone write this down in the comments. Our thumb is not a way to have a relationship our thumbs This is how you have a relationship This is how you have a relationship bump and grind all this other stuff Stop choosing these relationships that are virtual start choosing face to face relationship And if distance is your problem, then figure that shit out quickly Because you're gonna waste years of your life This is why you have to hire people like myself so we can smack some shit upside your head What does this say swear you'll feel a lot better Ha ha thanks Gary and Uh, I try to be funny Diana. Thank you. Exactly. All right. We're gonna take one more q&a We're gonna take one more question. Oh, I love this one again. This is 90s trivia What is the first rule of fight club? Let me repeat that What is the first rule of fight club and the follow-up question? What is the last rule of fight club? Let's see if you get this right That's more of a guys movie. By the way, if this is resonating with you, please hit that like button Please share this with your friends. Check out the links to my books and my Scheduling a discovery call with me and joining my great group called midlife love mastery All right, everyone needs to subscribe like jonathan deserves that at least He's bringing it here and all the video lives. Thank you so much one Thank you jonathan for the face to face. I agree Joy said I didn't see that movie Burgundy says we don't talk about fight club. That's right You're gonna make it happen. Colleen our thumbs are not a way to have a relationship. Yay I got to write a meme around that. Okay So listen if you're struggling on the inside I want to share with you my bible There's two books that have changed my life And this is so hugely important for all of you to be in your empowered self the first book This totally changed my life the untethered soul by michael singer I'm burping the untethered soul by michael singer This book is beyond amazing It will help you learn how to talk to your voice to the voices in your head Because a lot of this that's going on this narrative is because of real garbage thinking Especially around relationship And I want you all to lean into your sovereignty lean into your empowerment lean into yourself love And then the follow-up book. I don't have the book. I have the cd is maryanne. Williamson Return to love ladies. This is what you should be listening to you should be go to go to youtube Look up maryanne. Williamson listen to our book buy the cd go online buy the audibles This is all going to change your life because here's the bottom line Most of you give your power away to men That's why I don't like the feminine energy dating advice because it's still giving your power away to men meaning I need you to love me for me to feel good about myself. I'm here to say You can do this all on your own To feel good about yourself And when you feel good about yourself, you don't even have to ask for advice Because you will naturally feel connected to another human being you will feel safe You'll feel all these things I talked about in the beginning. Remember, I said Six ways a man shows you he loves you and he's serious in relationship. He wants to be inclusive He wants emotional connection. He leans into empathy. He leans into acceptance He demonstrates safety and no doubt and finally he progresses the relationship forward and again Going back to diana come up with 10 ways to describe commitment for yourself And I promise you you'll be leaning in to a great relationship coming your way very soon Colleen writes. I really needed this tonight. It felt so good laughing at your truth. Jonathan. Thank you so much Listen, everyone is a dating a relationship coach. I don't buy into the bullshit narrative based on the book the rules This is the book rules It's a piece of shit because it's reverse psychology bullshit Most dating advice is senator rep. By the way, this is what it's called the time tested secrets for capturing the heart of mr Right. No, it's capturing the heart of mr dysfunctional because reverse psychology only brings in dysfunctional people in your life This is why don't do reverse psychology do personal development work for yourself Because when you are rocking and rolling in your personal development, you will attract a juicy delicious relationship That will feel like a warm blanket and that warm blanket Warm blanket starts with the blanket of self love And that's my invitation for all of you to lean into your sovereignty to lean into your empowerment And to lean into your own love. Is this resonating with you? Please hit that like button if it is All right. I think this is a great time to wrap up my friday afternoon videos for you I'm gonna do a lot more lives because these are a blast and quite frankly. I'm bored as fucking hell at home by myself I want a girlfriend too And it's not easy out there. Look it I'm I'm in the same boat as you. It's not easy It's not easy finding the grown-up that lives around the corner that has time for a relationship It's easy as you all think it is for me Look at it They're not beating down my door just like they're not beating down your door And that's why you have to make things happen for yourself And it starts by loving on yourself and ladies. I had to do a deep dive on loving myself It took me 50 plus years to get to this place right now in my life And i'm just coming out of the cocoon after losing connor So i'm now ready. I hope you're ready and I invite you all to do a deep dive into loving yourself So we're gonna wrap up this video as I always do first off giving myself a big gigantic johnathan bear hug of self love I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love. Oh, hold on a second state. Don't leave yet I'm gonna ask you. I'm gonna ask you to Turn to a friend or a pet or a stuffed animal And give it nor them a hug of love. This is salty connor's nickname and this was a gift from a client This actually has a crystal heart in it. That was blessed by a shaman So I want you to grab your stuffed animals and give them big gigantic hugs Because we can all use more love in our lives And hugs are a great source of love. I want to thank you so much and wishing you a super duper wonderful day Bye. Bye now. Bye. Bye