 Good health to all from Rexall. It's the Phil Harris Alice Fay show presented by the makers of Rexall drug products and 10,000 independent Rexall family druggists. Good evening. This is your Rexall family druggist with a welcome from all 10,000 of us. The 10,000 independent druggists who have added the word Rexall to our own store names and placed the famous orange and blue Rexall sign on our windows. We've done that because we believe in the 2,000 or more drug products made by the Rexall drug company and we confidently recommend them to our customers. There's Rexall milk of Magnesia for example. The milk of Magnesia that's so mild so creamy smooth and free from unpleasant earthy taste even children can tell the difference. Quality like that of Rexall milk of Magnesia is what we family druggists are talking about when we tell you you can depend on any drug product that bears the name Rexall. Good health to all from Rexall. And now your Rexall family druggist brings you the Phil Harris Alice Fay show written by Ray Singer and Dick Chevrolet with Elliot Lewis, Walter Tetley, Robert North, Jeanine Ruse and Whitfield and Walter Sharpen his music, yours truly Bill Foreman and starring Alice Fay and Phil Harris. Last summer 20th Century Fox made a picture called Wabash Avenue starring Betty Gravel and Victor Moutour and featuring the pride of Nashville Phil Harris. The picture hasn't been released yet but Phil is anxious to find out how well he did. After weeks of trying to reach Darrell Zanuck, Phil has finally gotten him on the phone. Look Mr. Zanuck, I can't wait to find out how I did. You saw the picture at the studio and you're a genius who worked himself to the top because of your shrewd judgment and ability. So tell me honestly, what did you think of my acting? Ah, what do you know? Look Darrell, maybe you didn't like my performance but that's only one man's opinion. How did the producer who hired me for the part like my performance? Haha, I thought so. I killed him, huh? What? Oh, you killed him. Now look DZ, I want you to know that I, hello? Hello? Oh, I guess we were disconnected. Phil, didn't Mr. Zanuck like you in the picture? Oh, he loved me. In fact, he said my scenes helped the picture a lot. They did? Yeah, gave him something to cut. I can't understand them. You know that big love, that biggest love scene I had, honey? The one I did with Betty Grable, the one where I take her in my arms, hold her tightly and kiss her and kiss her. They cut it. Oh, what a pity. Now look Phil, don't feel too bad. You still have that big dramatic scene with Victor Moutour. They cut that too. But how could they? That scene is the crux of the whole plot. They got a new crux. Well, how about your big fight scene with Victor? It's cut. And you're? Cut. It seems to me you were cut an awful lot. Well, maybe I was, but I'll still get good reviews. You certainly will. You'll be the only actor to get four stars in the medical journal. I can't understand why they didn't leave any more of me in the picture. I looked at the scenes every day after they were filmed and I was great. Such a refreshing personality. I'm the cutest thing to hit the screen since Mary Pickford. Well, don't worry about it, Phil. You're still in the picture. After all, they couldn't cut Victor Moutour's scenes. He's the romantic lead. That's another thing I can't understand. Why didn't they give me the romantic lead instead of Moutour? Maybe it's because he's better looking than you are. Oh, Alicia, you fool you. You're so close to me every day. Romance happens to be my business. I defy you to name one movie star who's better looking than I am. Gaby Hayes. Why were me? When did you crawl out of the scoreboard? You better leave Phil alone, Willie. He's a little touchy today. They cut out a lot of his scenes in Wabash Avenue. Yeah, and I can't understand why. Maybe they want to make money with the picture. Oh, Philip, let's face it. You can't act with our tinkers, Don. Ah, that's what you think. The producer thought I was great. Wait till I tell you what he said. I've got it written down because he used some big words and I didn't want to forget them. Now listen to this. He says, um, Harris' performance is undoubtedly one of the most odious that has ever been foisted upon the American public. And he ought to know because he's an expert. Bad enough they cut my dramatic scenes, but when they took my song out, that was the coupe de Grays. Oh, what a shame. My, my, now I will never be able to hear your song. That's what you think. You walked into that trap like a bear. I'll strap him to the chair. My big brown rolling eyes. You don't rock it to the skies. Hey, boy, say, boy, that's a plenty for me. Well, you're going to get mellow when that fella blows his arm down where the blues were born. You'll be gone. The trumpets I trump are going to do me some. We'll beat it out, brother. There's no other remedy. And that's a plenty, plenty, plenty for me. Once you start, you're going to stay in it every night. You're out, cafe, and it's when you queen. What I mean, brother, you're as gone as any human can be. And when you're in the mood, there ain't no stop with it. Live it, breathe it, blow your top in it. That's the jazz, to beat jazz. And that's a plenty for me. That's a plenty. It's got to be the rhythm. It's got a lot of heat in it. I bet you five, ten to five. It's going to get you doing what it's doing to me. The Dixieland comes oozing out of it. The Dixieland, they're sure proud of it. They call it jazz, to beat jazz. That's a plenty for me. Well, it takes you down to New Orleans, down Basin Street with all the queens. You don't have to have no means. A little bit of rhythm, and you're going right with them. We'll shut my big brown rolling eyes if you don't rock it to the sky. Hey, boy. Hey, boy. That's a plenty for me. Phillip, is that the way you sing the song in the picture? Verbatim. And Mr. Zanick insisted on cutting it out? Yeah. A shrewd man. No wonder he's the head of a large studio. He shows keen judgment and rarability. Oh, stop talking like Georgie Gessel. The fine thing, my movie Careers at Stake, and you and your sister have got no sympathy for me. It's a wonder that... I'll get that. Hi, Curly. Ah, hello, Frankie. Gee, I'm glad you're here to console me. You're the only one who'll understand. What's the matter, pal? You know the picture I made last summer at Wabash Avenue? They cut me out of nearly every scene. I figured. Frankie, I feel bad enough. The studio told me that they don't like my acting. I know. It's all over town. It's got me terribly upset. You know what I've said about me, Frankie? Sure. Every time I walk down the street, people point at me and say, there goes Frank Remley, the best friend of the world's lousiest actor. The children throw stones at me, dogs bark at my heels, mother... I wasn't that bad. Certainly wasn't. Hi, Alice. In fact, I was great, but the studio won't admit it. Oh, Phil, after all, it's your first picture and you can't expect to be a star overnight. They just won't give us youngsters a chance. It's youths like me who are going to build a future of the movie industry and weak kids will be the stars of tomorrow. Thank you, baby Leroy. Phil, the studio knows what it's doing. Oh, they do not know what they're doing. I could make a better picture than the studio without half trying. I'm sure you can, dear. Tell you what, while I'm making lunch, why don't you make a picture? Why don't you make a picture? Why don't you make a picture? Why don't you? Oh, Frankie, stop it. Just being sarcastic because... Yeah. Why don't I? I'd be my own boss and nobody could fire me? Sure, we'll make a great picture, Curly. You do the acting and I'll do the directing. Yeah. But we'll need a good story. Now, you leave that to me. I'll come up with a great story, something powerful, like... Did you see All the King's Men? Yeah, did you like it? Yeah. I'll steal it. Frankie, you can't steal it outright. All right, then we'll change the title. We'll call it... 12 o'clock High. Look, Remly, we've got to have an original story. Oh. Okay, I'll write one. Let's see. I got it. We'll do a musical. Picture this. It's a South Sea island during the war. An American nurse is in love with a plantation owner. He takes her in his arms and as he does, she sings, Bolly high is calling Every night, every day. You wrote the music, too? Oh, it's not written yet. I'm just ad-libbing it. Then the guy turns to the girl and sings, Some enchanted evening, you will see a stranger. Remly. You will see a stranger. Or you haven't written all the lyrics yet. No, I just got the tunes. Remly, why don't you call this thing South Pacific? Curly, they already have a show with that name. At least you can do as the original. No, I second thought a musical isn't a thing for you. We've got to find something for your talents. What's the matter with a musical? You can't sing. How about a drama? You can't act. Comedy? Not funny. How about a travel law? As we approach the little isle of Isengam, Which is magnitious, fell backwards, Always get that plug in, We see the natives lying in the shore. We wave, hello there, whoops, they ran away. And now as the sun sinks into the west, Curly, I got it. We'll make a western. We'll make a western. Curly, I got it. We'll make a western. Let me get off the island first. Hey, wait a minute, a western. That's just a thing. Well, boys, how are you coming with your picture? Have you finished it yet? Alice, please, we're busy. Curly, I got the whole picture set up. You play the male lead, And I'll direct it and be the cameraman. Wait a minute. How about the female lead? We'll need a pretty blonde who's had movie experience. Yeah. Let's see. Where can we find a pretty blonde with movie experience? I can't think of anybody. Hey, fellas, I'm here. Good. Maybe you can think of somebody. Now, look, we need a pretty blonde with picture experience. How about Nelton Eddie? Please, we're being serious. Curly, we could get Betty Grable or Lana Turner. Or Betty Hutton, or... Oh, fellas, I can suggest somebody. Oh, who do you know that would be an... Oh, babykins. Oh, how could I have overlooked you? Remly, I got it. How about Alice? Alice who? Alice who? We need a name. Let's read that again. How about Alice? Alice who? I hate myself for stepping on that laugh the first time. Alice Pave. No, we need a name. Frankie, I'll have you know that Alice was a movie star for many years. Must have been before my time. What picture did she ever make? What picture? Alexander's ragtime band in old Chicago, Lillian Russell. Keep the father lit in the wind of mother, I'm coming home late tonight. You forgot my greatest triumph. Which one? Fallen Angel. Or make for the roundhouse, Nelly. The breakman can't corner you there. Ah, what a picture that was. Got two bells and a grave. Look, Remly. Let's give her a part in the picture. After all, she can't hurt it. I'm going to be the star. She'll only have a small bit. Make her happy. All right, I'll give the kid a chance. Now let's get busy. Curly, you get your camera ready and I'll start writing the story. What can I do to help? Give us some mood music. Well, Frankie, how are we coming with the story? Slowed you down, kid. How's it look? It's just great, that's all. Different than any western has ever been done. Yeah. Listen to this plot. The wrestlers have been stealing cattle from the heroine's ranch so she can't meet the payments on the mortgage. So they can grab the land which contains gold unbeknownst to the heroine. However, their efforts to obtain the mortgage are foiled by the hero who is posing as a cowhand but is, in reality, a United States Marshal. What's different about this plot? It's a second mortgage. Oh, I see. Well, I play the Marshal, huh? Yeah, you play the Marshal. You're the whole thing. I have a couple of lines as your sidekick. Alice has a few lines as the heroine but we need one more to complete the cast. Who? Someone to play the wrestler. We need a bloodthirsty, murderous, nasty, low-down, honorary heel. Hi, everybody. I've run the groceries. Well, now that our cast is complete, let's get started. Hey, Julius, how would you like to appear in a movie that I'm starring in? You're gonna star in a movie? That's right. Whose face are you using? My own. I have some outstanding features. For example, my eyes. How do they look? Like two red sunsets through a heavy smog. Well, maybe I didn't pick my best feature. Should've known better than to ask you anyway. Alice, you take a look, honey, at my profile. Very well, let me see. How do you like this firm chin? Looks like the firm took in a couple of partners. I only got one chin. Then what are those other two lines? A park camel and shut up. Now, please, let's get started with our Western. And remember, Curly, I'm co-starring with you. Cut, cut. You ain't co-starring with nobody. You may be a fine writer. That might be all right, but you don't know nothing about acting. What are you talking about? I just finished a picture. That's right. Universal made a picture of Mr. Renley's life. And they starred him in it. What picture? Francis the talking mule. Never mind. I'll just play a bit part in this. Now, let's get started and rehearse this once. Julius, this is a Western and you play the part of a wrestler. As the scene opens, you're alone in a cabin with Miss Faye and you're forcing your attention on her. Okay, now, action, go! Keep away from me, you barma-jump. Cut. Time since this gal has worked. Now, come away from that makeup, man, and let's have it again. Keep away from me, you barma-jump. I ain't got a hankering for no smoochin'. What's going with Alice? You're supposed to be a wrestler. Please do it the way it's written. Curly, look, this is your big scene. It's about time. Okay, listen, you and I hear the heroine scream for help. We rush into the cabin, you tell off the villain, and then shoot him dead. Now, don't forget this is your big scene, so put a lot of feeling into your dialogue. Okay, let her go. Alice, you start screaming and we'll burst in the door. Wow. What have we here? Unhand that woman, you coyote. We'll blow your brains out. We'll teach you to molest the fair women of the West. Don't be proud. We'll crush you down. We know how to teach villains like you, don't we, partner? We know how to do your job. What? We'll make it work. Wait a minute, wait a minute. Big scene, all I say, yep, yep, yep. I can break my neck, that's why. Wait a minute, don't be so impatient. In your next big scene, you do better. Now, let's keep going. Looks like we got here just in time, ma'am. Yes, you did. Whoever you are, I owe my life to you. What's your name, strangers? I'm Pekos Peek. And what's your name? He's Cactus Clyde. He's from down Amarillo Way. I think you're Mighty Purdy, Clyde. I don't. Why don't Clyde speak for himself? He's not the talkative type. I could be if you gave me a chance. You haven't introduced yourself, ma'am. What's your name and where do you come from? I'm not... Let nobody say nothing. Don't be impatient. Look, I tell you, we'll shoot this next scene and you'll all get a chance. Julius is accused of rustling and he delivers a stirring speech protesting his innocence. Curly, you have a great denunciation speech and after that, Alice, you declare your love in a long, passionate speech. What are you going to be doing, Russellini? Oh, I'll run the camera and maybe throw in a few feed lines. You know how to run the camera? What's to know? I just hold the camera up to my eye and press the button. Now, if we're ready, I'll roll it. All right, you viper. We got you dead to rights. We know you've been stealing this girl's cattle but I'll give you a chance to explain. Why did you do it? Well... I never heard such a peck alive. Okay, Curly, now you go ahead and denounce him. Denounce him, he's dead. Do it anyway, it's your big scene. Oh, all right. Look, you vomit, you... Ooh, talks too much. If you were alone now, I want you to know I love you and I want to marry you but before I do, I want you to tell me all about yourself. Well, it's a long story. I was born... I can't stand long-winded explanation. Now I'm all alone in this desolate cabin on this desolate prairie I have no one to talk to is driving me mad. All right, you can stop now. Do you hear me? You can stop it now. We're not stopping. All right, let me stop it. The picture's over. There's no use shooting no more. Why not? All when you were shooting the picture, you made a little mistake. How could I? I held the camera to my face like I was supposed to. But you held it backwards. So? So who's gonna pay to see a 100-foot movie of a bloodshot eye? In technicolor. Alison Phil will be back in just a moment. But first, here's your Rexall family drug. I often wonder why so many people complain of simple sore throats and yet neglect doing anything about them. That's why, especially during winter weather, I like to call people's attention to Rexall MI-31. Rexall MI-31? Yes, ma'am. Rexall's famous mouthwash and gargle. Why does it have such an odd name? Well, the phrase MI-31 identifies a specially and carefully developed antiseptic formula. When used full-strength, this antiseptic kills contacted germs almost instantly. And Rexall scientists back up that statement with a rigid laboratory test. What kind of a test? A tiny measurement of full-strength MI-31 is added to a culture of the bacteria usually present in the mouth. Then this bacteria is given ideal conditions to make it hang on and thrive. But if it doesn't grow, then Rexall's MI-31 has killed it in a few seconds. I see. Then that's why... Exactly, ma'am. That's why the prompt use of Rexall MI-31 is a mighty good precaution and also very soothing relief for simple sore throat. Now do you see what we family druggists mean when we tell you you can depend on any drug product that bears the name Rexall? Good health to all from Rexall. We're a little late, so good night, folks, and don't forget to give generously to your Red Cross. Good night, everybody. Good night, everybody. Here's headline drug news. Now Rexall antihistamine costs less. Now everybody can afford this marvelous new miracle drug that often stops cold symptoms in one day when taken at the first sign of a cold. Listen to these prices on Rexall antihistamine. Bottle of 15 tablets, 39 cents. Family size bottle of 50 tablets, only 98 cents. That's little more than a penny per tablet. Ask for Rexall antihistamine wherever you see the orange and blue Rexall sign on the window. And remember, you can depend on any drug product that bears the name Rexall. Next you'll hear Sam Spade, then Kurt Douglas on Theatre Guild on NBC.