 The cigarette that first in the service presents from the sixth ferrying group air transport command at Long Beach, California The Abbott and Costello program Come on. What's the matter with you Costello? Hey Abbott? I want to ask you a very personal question What is it? Do you think I'm fat? Well, I'd say you were on the plumb side. Why do you ask? Well? I was over by one of those big hangers I was standing next to a blimp all of a sudden an officer points to me and says look they're making them with faces now Oh He was just kidding. You know there's nobody that has a better sense of humor than a flying man I know that too Abbott because I'm a flying man myself. What do you mean? I started flying when I was a six months old baby. You flew when you were a baby. Yep I flew out of my nurse's arms and made a perfect one-point landing. Oh You mean three-point. No one point. My safety pin was open Cuz no, I don't believe you've ever been up in the air. Oh, yes I have I used to be a hostess. Well, you walked into that with my friend For your information plane hostesses are always female. This was a male plane Tell me costello, when was the last time you were up in the plane? Do you want the truth or my version? Oh, no No, no, no, I want the truth. I think we'd get more last year away. No, no, no, no Tell the truth. Okay. I'll tell the truth. All right I took my first plane ride today Captain Dick Lasser. It took me up in a great big plane Try motor try what I said try motor certainly we tried the motor What do you think we did push it? No, I'm not going to get it up in the air and that's right. All right forget about it You get about the motor. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no the other thing by the way, what kind of a pilot is he? Was he flying blind? Ah, he was perfectly sober Dope, of course he was sober. Well, never mind that. You know Lou I wonder what these boys down here at Long Beach do when they go on leave Well, I saw a bunch of the boys down at the beach with their girlfriends. They get down there a spoon. Well, they didn't get down there to wash their socks Here's Ken Niles. I've been waiting to see you Ken. I was wondering what your wife thought of the picture we made last week That's right Niles. What does she think of my acting? Well, I don't mind telling you that she absolutely rave. She rave, eh? Yeah, they took her away the next morning What's so funny about that? Did you make that up yourself? Yeah, out of my head. You certainly are Well, I know you do but quit arguing Costello. I want to hear more about the picture. Did you read any reviews Ken? Ah, yeah, sure. The drugist weekly gave the picture for aspirin He's got the band framed out. Certainly he's got the band framed. That wasn't a funny line. No, it's not funny about that brother Can you imagine that? Listen Ken, I read all the reviews and even Mrs. Roosevelt mentioned our picture in her column What did she say? She said my day was ruined That's the one line. I don't know why they got it in there. Wait a minute. Look Look, didn't we get any compliments at all? Oh, sure. We got one cheer that I remember where from the Bronx the Bronx You know and hit the space without music. Oh, yeah Well, maybe we should give up the idea of producing our own pictures Oh, you'll be silly perfume pictures incorporated is here to stay and I'm ready to start another picture right now Push the button for my secretary What's the idea of a horn for a buzzard? She used to be a waitress in a drive-in. Oh Sorry it was late this morning. Are you doing anything tonight? Why uh, no not a thing then try and get here on time tomorrow morning Same secretary. How did you get a job here? I used to be in pictures. I played in the way of all flesh What part did you play one of the meatball? Slaps but me. All right Have patience have patience by the way. Do I have any appointments today? Uh, yes, sir at 12 o'clock you have an appointment with headie lamar. What am I doing after that me? He asked Mr. Costello, could I speak to you for a moment? Why it's bots for twink or sound man What's on your mind bots? Well, I want you to know that I was terribly hurt because I wasn't in your picture last week with Carmen Miranda After all if you're looking for new faces. Look at me. My face is new, isn't it? Oh very no In fact, your whole head has only been slightly used Please give me a chance mr. Costello I really do have a lot of talent You know, I do most of the voices and all the leon slushes your cartoons for Warner brothers. Don't tell me Yeah, for instance, here's a little porky pig He did eat the eat the eat the eat this is the way I did He did talk and when I play it he did the porky Porky did the eat there. That's all I'll play porky for you for a thousand dollars. What are you talking about Warner brothers? Don't pay you that I know but pork has gone up What else do you do botsford? Oh, did you ever hear bugs bunny? I have a carrot here. So I'll give you a little sample And what's up doc? Uh, what do you say tubby? What's cooking, huh? Of course, if you use bugs bunny, you'll have to use my wife mrs. Bunny But we can't use two rabbits in our picture. Well, we couldn't separate them. That would be splitting hairs If you can't use the rabbit, maybe I could furnish some of the musical background. I can imitate an electric organ. Listen Do you call it an organ now listen botsford I can't use any of that stuff in my picture Now will you now look what you did now look what you did now look what you Every time you yell it yell it yell at me. I guess that he gets the hit when you yell at me He gets that what do you know? I know that I know that I talk loud. He gets the heat Costell, I know that well don't yell at him something for the poor fellow. Please botsford Botsford I'm talking a little uneasy now take it easy. No more hiccups brings them out of it That brings them out of it. I didn't know that. All right. Take it easy. How do you feel? Uh better now or you do I feel fine Oh, I might let it out of it now. Let's get back to this picture But mr. Costello, are you sure you can't use the organ botsford how many times do I have to tell you that? Please Luke Costello Oh, yes, Niles. I want to ask you something Do you know anything about winter sports? Are you kidding? I'm one of the best ski jumpers in the country really sure Last winter at Lake Placid. I made my biggest jump. Yeah, I climbed up to the top of the slide Thousands of people were looking up at me and when I leaped into the year I went down at 60 miles an hour and I made a sensational jump up 200 feet 200 feet Yep, and I could have even gone further if there was snow Better than I thank you Lou I know another good skier and his name is dick duris and he's one of the finest skiers in the world In fact, he's so good that the government asked him to give instructions to ski troopers in lightning fast mountain warfare Dick knows is smoking too. He said quote. I've smoked camels for years They have the full rich flavor that I want in a cigarette No matter how often I smoke camels never tire my taste never get my throat Yes, and with many and all the services camel is the favorite too According to actual sales records in the stores where they buy cigarettes Try camels yourself for a steady pleasure. You'll like the way they hold up Where well packed after packed no matter how many you smoke the reason is extra flavor And you know camels always have more flavor better yet camels combine flavor with extra mildness The extra mildness that goes with slow burning and cool smoking One reason for that is costlier tobaccos blended as only camels know how to blend Now remember you're the one who's doing your smoking your throat and your taste will tell you C-A-M-E-L-S Camels get a fact tonight send a carton to that fellow in the service The new treatment for an old tune by the life of the silvery moon On your new picture any longer now we've got to get a leading lady How about giving that secretary of yours a chance? She has blue eyes blonde hair and a supreme court figure. What do you mean a supreme court figure a supreme court figure? What do you appeal? Oh, I'm on about playing a leading part. You did? Yes. I picked up the receiver and I said Merle darling Merle sweetheart Merle my love and then then I dialed her number You know and I I sent for a new fashion designer. What is this that just popped in here? What happened? Well now wait a minute. I sent for a new fashion designer. I is that it? Now he's in come in Ladies and gentlemen, I'm your new fashion designer Pierre you Pierre To my friends. I'm to you You said it brother. Hey get a little that guy's hair. He's a male Veronica Lake Pierre, this is Luke Castello. Oh, how do you do mr. Costello? Thank you, sir. You are just the man I'm looking at I've not seen you in a long distance Get the way his hair hangs over his face. Pardon me Pierre. Was your mother ever scared by a sheepdog? Oh Leave the man alone. We've got to get him to design miss Oberon's clothes now. No more remarks about his hair Looks like a palm tree in a high wind doesn't Well, mr. Costello. I admit that my hair is a standing joke. Well, it needs a new switch I don't know what's wrong there. Keep quiet We must have miss Oberon's wardrobe design before she gets here Pierre Would you mind telling us some of your ideas on women's clothes? Oh, no, they told You know, the main thing is color harmony color harmony. What's that? Well, that's very simple, mr. Costello For instance, if uh, you were carrying a pink bag, you would not wear a green dress, would you? Oh gracious. No, I wouldn't dare Well, I'd be the laughing stock of my sewing circle. All right What kind of line is that to get me Forget it skip those things. Come here Pierre Now with a shortage of materials, how about something plain for miss Oberon to wear We'll call it a defense dress. How about that? How about making that out of barbed wire? That isn't defense. It ain't exactly an invitation Go ahead Pierre suggest a dress from Earl Oberon. You know something that she can wear in our picture Well, uh being a brunette, I would suggest that I make miss Oberon a gown of apple green with a peach skirt lemon trimmings a plum ruffles an orange belt and a tangerine scarf And a dress that's a fruit salad Nevertheless that sounds fine. Now, what about murals hat? Well, the hat should be a very simple but very smart And do you think the boys in camp here would like miss Oberon in a hat that has three roses and a ribbon on the side? No, they'd rather have four roses with a chaser on the side Out of here and I'll design a clothes myself. Oh castella. You can't design clothes Is that so? I just invented a lady's leg paint that takes the place of stockings. It even covers the knees It disguises the knees. You said it. You can hardly recognize the old joints Well, we let Merle Oberon design her own clothes for the picture. What do you say? Yes, and I'm just a girl who can do it. Now listen kid, you keep on at us. Look who it is. It's Merle! I'm overjoyed. I'm overcome. I'm overwhelmed. I'm over here. Oh, he's been in love with you You're so beautiful. Can I give you a kiss? Well, all right, but just one Lou, it isn't a kiss like that. I used to be a bugler and a boy scout If you folks don't mind, we'll go over the script of the picture that you are going to play tonight It's a story of the knights of old. Merle, you play a beautiful princess and you wear a hoop skirt A hoop skirt? Yeah, hoop skirt. That's a parachute with legs Castella plays the part of a knight. He's in love with you. I thought knights were tall Well kid, on account of daylight saving time, the knights are getting shorter As the first scene opens, Merle, you're in the palace so we begin the arrival of your lover You are playing the organ. Organ like this? I'm okay now mr. Costello. Oh, I'm glad you are Please put a gag in his mouth. Put a gag in his mouth! If I had a gag, I'd tell it myself! Let's get back to this story. Costello, as a knight, your costume is a suit of honor. That's right, Lou. You wear an iron coat, an iron vest, and iron trousers. In fact, you wear a whole iron suit. Where do I get oppressed at Lockheed? Now your suit may become rusty, so you better keep yourself well-oiled. I'd have to be oiled to make love to you in an iron suit. Merle, you walk out on the balcony. Yes, and I sneak right up to it. How'd you get across the moat? I caught the guard with his bridges down. Then we have the big scene where Costello serenades you with a song of love. And Lou, I will drop a flower on you. In a mad moment of love? No, in a pot. Now, Merle, you signal that the coast is clear, and Costello, you climb the balcony. You reach Merle's side. You're panting from the long climb in that suit of armor. Yes, that's it. You gaze into her eyes. Remember, this is your big chance. Never mind, no more pants. There's no more panting. There's emotion in your voice as you stand there in your iron suit. What do you say to her? Hey kid, have you got a can opener? Hey, and do the camel five with a new room up from the pant of Cole Porter. Costello, ego. In a small canteen, a hot guitar. All the ding-dong dandy used to gather about. When the lovely lean, the lady veen. Where the best people go to die. But when she'd collected, offer a free bird. Back to her canteen. Here's Incorporated presents the great costume drama entitled the brave knight cut off the dragon's tail, or the dragon isn't wagon anymore. The beautiful Princess Guinevere is played by Merle Oberon. Lou Costello is the brave knight Sir Porter House, and Bud Abbott is his good friend Sir Lloyd. I play the part of the king. As the scene opens, the princess and I await the arrival of two brave knights in our kingdom. Curtain? Greetings brave knights, kindly approach the throne. Greetings your majesty, I am Sir Lloyd, Knight of the Bath from Saxony. And I am Sir Porter House, Knight of the Bath from Constantinople. What kind of worst I can do? Constantinople? Yeah, Turkish bed. Brave knights, I am the Princess Guinevere. And who are those beautiful dames with you? They are my ladies and waiting. Well, what are we waiting for? Oh Sir Porter House, you must save our kingdom. The people are angry, they're clamoring outside the gates of the palace. Just listen to them clamor. Clamor, clamor, clamor. Did you hear that? The people are revolting. They certainly are. No, no. No, no, the people are starving. They have not eaten in five days. Oh, they should try and force themselves. They've got to eat. But my dear princess, have we no food? Alas, no, the dragon has destroyed our crops. You mean all our corn is gone? Yes, there's only enough left for this program. It's so funny about that. Listen, listen to the people shouting. They have been shouting for five days, but I dare not speak to them. I will speak to the people, Your Majesty. Open the door, I'll make a speech. My dear princess, just what do you desire us to do? My dear knights, for several years now my father has been bothered by a terrible dragon. Why doesn't he pick up a speech? You don't understand. You don't understand. Today the dragon is coming to carry off the Princess Gwynevere. You must save me from this mean monster supporter house. He's a very mean beast. Okay, kid. He has two heads. One at each end. How does he sit down? He's so mean. Well, don't be mean. Don't worry, princess. I'm allowed one mistake, and I'm afraid of nothing. One time I climbed up a tree and I bagged a ferocious tiger. You went up a tree after a tiger? No! He came up after me. But you said you bagged him. I did bag him. I bagged him to go away, but he wouldn't. I snapped at the tiger, the tiger snapped at me, and suddenly something whizzed past me. What was it? Pomona. Pomona. Talk sense, will you? Then my uncle came to my rescue, and I finally brought that tiger home stuffed. What was he stuffed with? My uncle. Oh, Your Majesty, the dragon is almost upon us. He's coming to get the princess. Quick, princess. Button up my iron suit. Just a minute. I thought you were a princess. I worked the swing shift on the side. Castello, look at that thing belching smoke and fire. Is that the dragon? It ain't a smudge pop. I'm getting out of here. Too late. He's got us trapped. Here, here he comes. Now do what he does. Do exactly what he does. Right. He's staring at you. Stare back at him. I can't. I can't do it. Quiet. He's roaring at you. Roar back at him. That'll scare him. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Now he's wagging his tail. That lets me out. Fancy line? I can snag. Let him snag. What do I care about their love life? Give me my sword, somebody. I'll cut his nose off. That is something that should only interest another dragon. Your back is turned to him. He's coming up behind you. If I was wearing a license plate, he would have got off the last three numbers. My suit. My good iron suit, heroine. You nasty dragon. Get out of here. Watch my twink. Now stop. Stop. What can I do to keep you quiet, Botsford? We're gonna cut it out. I'm sorry. Let your arms fall for hollering at him. There's only one thing that'll cure my hiccups. If you let me kiss Miss Oberon. Oh, very well. I'll kiss you. If only you'd stop those awful hiccups. Go ahead, Botsford kiss her. Okay. How do you feel now, Botsford? Oh, I feel fine. Some tunes you whistle for a while and then forget. Another stay with you for years. I think the ones you remember are the ones that have character. I believe that goes for cigarettes, too. We say that camels have character and we back that up with the thousands of smokers who have stood by camels for 20 years and more. We think it's true that more people have smoked camels longer than any other cigarette. Try camels and see for yourself. Try them in your tea zone. That's tea for taste and tea for throat. Your own proving ground for cigarettes. Your taste will tell you that camels have more flavor and it's extra flavor that helps make camels hold up day in and day out. Makes the second pack better than the first and the third better than the second. Your throat will tell you about mildness, too. It's the best judge you'll find. Yes, camels are mild. Cool smoking, slow burning because they're expertly blended of costlier tobaccos. Your throat and your taste will tell you. C-A-M-D-L-S. Camels, get it back tonight. You'll want to buy a carton tomorrow. Here's more news about the camel caravans, those traveling shows which entertain the men in the army camps. 32 performances of the camel caravan units will be given to men in the training stations throughout the coming week. Our Fud Abbot and Lou Costella were the final word. Thanks, Ken. Ladies and gentlemen, it's really been a thrill for button me to do this program from the Ferry and Command Airways here at Long Beach. And an added thrill to be here with Merle O'Bron. Thank you, Lou. I had a wonderful time and it's been lots of fun. That's right, Merle. And we'd like to extend our sincere thanks to Colonel Ralph Eastbake, Lieutenant Colonel John P. Frame Jr. and their splendid staff of officers for the opportunity to make this visit. Next week, we'll be back in Hollywood on Thanksgiving Day. In addition to the regular gang, we'll have as our guest Herbert Marshall. And we do hope you'll all join us. Until next Thursday, button I wish you all a very pleasant good night. At the camel caravan with Lanny Ross, Xavier Cougat, Herb Shreiner, Lou Laher, and their guest star Bob Hope. Saturday night, thanks to the Yanks with Bob Hawk. Monday night, Blondie. And next Thursday at the same time, Abbot and Costella with their guest Herbert Marshall. Our broadcast this evening was from the sixth ferrying group, Air Transport Command at Long Beach, and does not constitute an endorsement of our product by the War Department, as they do not endorse any product. The Army has also requested us to make this announcement to all men of 18 and 19. There is a serious need for young men. So serious that the Army is willing to let men of 18 and 19 choose whatever branch of service they desire. Go to your nearest Army recruiting office or induction station tomorrow. Learn about the jobs the Army has opened in 13 different branches, all explained by men who know these jobs inside and out. Listen to the camel caravan tomorrow night with Lanny Ross, Xavier Cougat, Herb Shreiner, Lou Laher, and their guest star Bob Hope. And now this is Ken Niles, wishing you all good night. Mister, if you've got a pipe that's biting you, why, it just means one thing. Your pipe's hungry. Yes, sir, hungry for Prince Albert. The mild, rich, tasty tobacco that won't bite your tongue because it's no bite treated. PA is crimped cut, too, for easy packing and stay lit burning. Around 50 pipe folds in every handy pocket package.