 وأقولوا في القرآن ما جاءت به آياته فهو الكاريم المنزال وأقولوا قال الله جل جلاله والمصطف الهدي ولا أتأولوا الحمد لله رب العالمين والصلاة والسلام على عبد الله ورسوله نبينا محمد وعلى آله وصحبه أجمعين السلام وعليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته مرحباً لكم في مجموعة أخرى من this series على المسلم فاملي بعد كثيراً الكثير من أشخاص أشخاص كبير يتحدث عن تربية إجتماع وإسلامية إجتماع وإجتماع في حالة العالمية نحن now come to talk about some other rights of the children and obligations of the parents and if you remember our discussion on Tarpia actually started as one of the rights of the children over the parents and it sort of branched off into a number of different aspects so now we're bringing our discussion back to the rights of the children and the obligations that the parents have towards their children and for our first hadith we're going to look at a hadith of سهل ابن سعد رب الله عن أن رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم أُتِيَ بِشَرَابٍ فَشَرِبَ مِنْ وعن يمينه غُلامٌ وعن يسارِهِ الأشياء سهل ابن سعد رضي الله عنه نراتس the messenger of Allah صلى الله عليه وسلم was brought a drink and he drank from it on his right hand side was a boy a young boy and on his left hand side were الأشياء the older people the people of maturity in the gathering and of course you can imagine if the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم drank from a glass or from a vessel that everybody would wish to drink from it in order to gain the barakah that Allah سبحانه وتعالى has put within the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم and that is something permissible the Sahaba used to do and the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم didn't use to prevent him from seeking the barakah from the things the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم had had used and had drank from and had touched in his clothing and so on and so forth so here who is in the position to receive that that drink that the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم had drank from who was in that position on his right hand side is a young boy and on his left hand side are all the matured the adults the senior people in the gathering فقال للغُلام he said to the young boy أتاء ذنولي أن أعطيها أولا هل أنت أعطيها أماما أن أعطيها أماما أنظروا كيف يتعطيها أماما من هذا الشخص وقالته هل أنت أعطيها أماما أتاء ذنولي أن أعطيها أماما أن أعطيها أماما ونظر أن حقوق of the child it has to be given importance and the children should be given their rights even if it means that the older people they have to come second if that child is in a position or is in a situation where they deserve a certain right أتاء ذنولي do you give me permission to give to these people فقال الغُلام والله يا رسول الله لا أُوثِرُ بِنَصِيبِ مِنْكَ أحدًا he said by Allah a messenger of Allah I will not allow anyone else to take my share of what is from you قال فَتَلَّهُ رَسُولُ الله صَدُ اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ فِيَدَهِ so the messenger of Allah ﷺ took it and put it in his hand سبحان الله this is an amazing hadith about the rights of the children on the left hand side of the Prophet ﷺ it are the gatherings of the senior the senior people are gathered the people who perhaps among them are among the senior Sahaba ربي الله عنهم and those highest in virtue but because that child was on his right hand side because the Sunnah is to pass to the right hand side the Prophet ﷺ asked him would it be okay is it alright if I give it to those people because we know the Prophet ﷺ he said كَبِرُ كَبِرُ give it to the older one give it to the older one and yet because this young boy was on his right hand side the Prophet ﷺ said to him do you give me permission to give it to them he said باي الله or messenger of Allah and look at the etiquette of the way the boy replies very very very well-mannered he says باي الله or messenger of Allah لا أثير and إيثار is to give someone what is your right and you deserve it to give it up for someone else he said I will not give up my right my portion of my rights from you to anybody so the Prophet ﷺ gave it and put it in his hand so سبحان الله here we have so many benefits in this hadith as it relates to the rights of our children and among the benefits we can take from this hadith as it relates to the right of our children is that the children's rights are to be given to them even if that is at the expense of an adult or someone else who you might wish to give preference to but the fact that Islam gives the child that right the right is to be given to them and the importance of the rights of the children and how seriously the Prophet ﷺ took it and took them and how the Prophet ﷺ asked permission and from this we can take that if we do infringe upon the rights of our children in some way or we wish to give preference to someone else that we ask permission from them and if they don't give permission then we fulfill their rights to them فاعطي كلذي حقين حقا give everyone who has a right over you their right our next hadith عن أبي هريرة رضي الله عن أن الأقراء ابن حابس رضي الله عن أبصر النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم يقبل الحسن الأقراء ابن حابس he saw the Prophet ﷺ kissing الحسن فقال إن في عشرة من الولد ما قبلت واحد منهم فقال رسول الله ﷺ إنه من لا يرحم لا يرحم he said I have 10 children and I have never kissed any of them the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said whoever doesn't show mercy will not be shown mercy and in this hadith we can see the right of our children for us to show them affection to show them affection show them that we love them the Prophet ﷺ kissed الحسن perhaps on the forehead or something like that when you take your small child you kiss them on the forehead or you kiss them on the cheek and you say this is from the means that you show your affection and your love and your care for your children and this is a right of the child the Prophet ﷺ responded to him when he said that I have 10 children and I never kissed any of them he was surprised at the action of the Prophet ﷺ he thought perhaps this wasn't perhaps what the man or the father figure would do and he was surprised to see the Prophet ﷺ kiss الحسن so he said I have 10 children and I have never kissed any one of them and the Prophet ﷺ replied to him with a general principle إنه من لا يرحم لا يرحم whoever doesn't show mercy will not be shown mercy and this also tells us that from the rights of our children is that we show them mercy we're merciful towards them and as we said we show them our love and our affection and we don't rely on the fact that they should know that or they should just appreciate that that you know we're their parents and they should know that we love them and we care about them but we should show our affection and we shouldn't feel that especially for the fathers because many times the mother is happy to show her affection for her children sometimes with the father figure maybe he feels like and even until today in some cultures among the Muslims this culture is there that the father figure doesn't show that affection and that love and that care to the children but this is not from the Sunnah of the Prophet ﷺ the Prophet ﷺ used to show affection and care and consideration to his children to his grandchildren and he set that as an example من لا يرحم لا يرحم whoever doesn't show mercy will not be shown mercy our next حديث أن النعمان بن بشير رضي الله عنهما قال تصدق عليه أبي ببعض ماله فقالت أمي عمرة بنت رواهة رضي الله عنها لا ألضى حتى تشهد رسول الله ﷺ النعمان بن بشير رضي الله عنهما من الله بيبليس with him and his father he said my father gave me some of his wealth gave it as a charity to me a gift to me gave me some of his wealth so my mother who was عمرة بنت رواهة may Allah be pleased with her she said I will not be content until you go and take the witness of the Messenger of Allah ﷺ you go and you have the Messenger of Allah ﷺ witness that you're giving this to النعمان he said رضي الله عنهما رضي الله عنهما he said فانطلق أبي إلى النبي ﷺ ليشهده على صدقتي he said that my father he went to the Prophet ﷺ to ask him to be a witness to this صدقة this gift that he had given him فقار له رسول الله ﷺ the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said to him أفعلت هذا بولدك كلهم قال لا he said did you do this for all of your children did you give them all the same he said no the Prophet ﷺ said فقال اتقوا الله وعديلوا في أولادكم he said فيها الله have taqwa of Allah and be just your children فرجع أبي فرد تلك الصدقة so my father he came back and he took back this صدقة he changed his mind about it this صدقة that he had given to him in a narration it's mentioned that the Prophet ﷺ said فلا تشهدني إذن فإني لا أشهد على جور he said don't make me a witness then if you haven't given this to your other children don't make me a witness then because I will not testify to oppression I will not testify to oppression and in another narration it's mentioned that the Prophet ﷺ said فأشهد على هذا غيري ثم قال أيا سركة أن يكون إليك في البر سواء قال بلا قال فلا إذن he said in another narration the Prophet ﷺ said tell someone else to be a witness and in another narration he said would you be content or do you wish would it make you happy for all of those children to be the same in their righteousness towards you would it would you be happy for all those children to be the same in the righteousness towards you he said certainly I would love for them to be all of them بلا I would wish for all of them to be righteous good towards me as a child the Prophet ﷺ said فلا إذن إذن in that case don't give one of them more than you give the other one and these are حديث are in البخاري and Muslim صحيحين there are various different wordings of the حديث so this حديث is a fundamental principle as it relates to our children and their rights and that is the right of justice and fairness between the children and here it relates to the giving of gifts and that is that it is obligatory upon a Muslim and it's an obligation upon every parent to be fair and just in the gifts that they give to their children now we have to understand that there is a difference between الهبة or الهداة giving a gift a حدية and there is a gift a difference between الانفاق and الانفاق is where you spend the obligatory spending upon your children like you buy them clothes and so on or you provide that accommodation and food for them so they don't have to be equal in this but you have to give each one what is their need and what is fair so for example you have let's say a teenage boy and you have a small baby boy let's say as an example no doubt a teenage boy is not going to eat the same amount of food that the baby boy is going to eat the two of them are going to be different so it's not the case that if you spent let's say 20 dollars in a week or 50 dollars in a week and you spent that upon the food for your older son you had to spend the same upon the food for your for the baby son because the two is not going to be are not going to be the same likewise clothing it also it could be the other way around it could be that the older child when it comes to clothing he's not growing so quickly so he's keeping his clothing for longer but the younger child is growing so quickly that you're buying new clothing for them all the time what's required is that you do what you can for each one according to what they need this is in fact this is spending upon them and that's the obligation of the parent to spend upon their child like the obligation of the husband to spend upon his wife that we've already spoken about but when it comes to giving a gift which is additional to the basic needs that the father has to provide for his children like the the clothing and the food and the shelter and so on what's additional to that and it comes to the matters of giving them gifts then the gifts that he gives he has to be fair in them and the scholars they differed over what it means to be fair in this issue and they differed in according to some different opinions within the different مدهب in the different مدهب and they differed on a particular issue in all honesty there was one particular thing that was their contention and that is the difference between the boys and the girls in giving the gifts so we know when it comes to inheritance we know when it comes to when it comes to inheritance that in inheritance لذكري مثل حضل أنثيين الله عز وجل said يوسيكم الله في أولادكم لذكري مثل حضل أنثيين الله gives you instruction with regard to your children or Allah takes a covenant from you with regard to your children for the male is twice that of the female from the wisdom of this is that the male child generally has to make in fact usually has to spend upon others as for the female child then she usually doesn't have to spend upon anyone it's very rare that she has any obligation to spend upon someone in most cases so usually the majority of that money will be for her alone whereas for the male child it's more likely he will spend upon other people or have to spend upon other people so here the scholars differed over the money that is given as a gift to your children is it totally equal and that's what would be indicated from the حليثة و النعمان of و رشير that is totally equal because here did you give this to all of your children and he didn't say did you give double to the boys and then did you or did you give one portion to the girls and two portion to the boys he simply said أفعلت ذلك بولادك كلهم did you do that for all of your children so here there isn't a clear distinction between the boys and the girls I had the call of Jumhoor this is the call of the majority of the علماء they said that the boys and the girls in this are equal so everyone gets an equal amount and as for the Madhab of Imam Ahmed رحمه الله تعالى this is that we should follow the distribution of the inheritance للذكري مثل حضل أنثيين for the boy twice that of what is for the girl and the reason they said that is they said no one is more just than Allah and Allah عز و جل they distributed the wealth of that parent للذكري مثل حضل أنثيين that the boy gets twice that of what the girl gets and giving a gift is only in your life is only a precursor it's something that comes prior to the distribution of the wealth after death so it doesn't make sense that during a person's life he gives to all of the children equally but as soon as he dies للذكري مثل حضل أنثيين the boys get twice that of what the girls get so that is the Madhab of Imam Ahmed and the Jumhoor, the majority from the Maliki of the Shafi'ia and others they said that it is equal it is equal in this regard that the boys and the girls in terms of gifts should be equal and Allah عز و جل knows best from the rights of our children is the right for us to defend them against those who would wish harm for them or to defend their rights and to look out for them to be there for them and to kind of look out for them and from the evidences for this is a hadith of مسور من مخرامة that the messenger he heard the messenger of Allah صلى الله عليه وسلم على المنبر he said باني هشام ابن المغيرة I have sought my permission to for them to marry their daughter to Ali بن أبي طالب فلا آذنوا لهم I do not give them permission for this ثم لا آذنوا لهم and I do not give them permission for this ثم لا آذنوا لهم and I will not give them permission I do not give them permission for this إلا أن يحب ابن أبي طالب أن يطلق ابنتي و ينكح ابنتهم he said unless it is the case that ابن أبي طالب Ali بن أبي طالب ربي الله عنه wants to divorce my daughter and marry their daughter فإن مبنتي بضعة مني for my daughter is just a part of me يريبني ما رابها و يؤذيني ما آذها he said that whatever causes her discomfort causes me discomfort whatever causes her harm causes me harm so in this hadith we see how the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم defended Fatima and her interests رضي الله عنها و أرضاها and that was that they sought a marriage for Ali بن أبي طالب there were some people who sought a marriage for Ali بن أبي طالب with the daughter of Abu Jahl and here the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم he didn't give permission for that because he knew that Fatima would would suffer from it and in other words that what happens between the core wives and words would pass between them and even though this marriage was not for Ali بن أبي طالب but the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم knew it would hurt Fatima and he knew it wasn't the issue of Ali marrying again that was the problem as some people put forward but it was the fact that he would be married to a family who had within them those who were enemies to the Messenger of Allah صلى الله عليه وسلم and that could come back to hurt Fatima and it could come back to be used against Fatima رضي الله عنها and look over the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said Fatima is a part of me Fatima is a part of me if something makes her anxious it makes me anxious if something harms her it harms me look the way he defended his daughter صلى الله عليه وسلم رضي الله عنها and this is alright our children have it's alright our children have and not everyone can get involved in the same way because ultimately this is the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم and we have to observe the proper Islamic rules of what we can and can't get involved in with regard to our children but at the same time the concept of defending our children and one of them gets bullied at school or one of them goes through a hard time or someone hurts them or harms them and they feel that their parents won't stand up for them or their parents won't be there for them like this parent is not fulfilling the right of their child the right of the child is that you stand up for them and you're there for them like Fatima knew that her father صلى الله عليه وسلم would be there for her and would stand up for her that's the kind of feeling our children should have towards their parents that we will defend them and we will look after them and that doesn't mean defending them against it in a wrong way defending them against something they've done that's wrong or defending them at all costs like to the extent where you say that it doesn't matter what you've done or what you've said I'll still defend you but the concept that you just we will support them and we will look after their interests and we will stand up for them and also taking an interest in the games that the children play the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم he used to encourage this and with regard to Aisha رضي الله عنها she was playing with some dolls or he saw that she had some dolls and he asked her about them that if you see they're playing with something and you ask them what are you playing with what are these things that you have here and you take an interest in them this is one of the things that a parent should do but we have another evidence to support this with regard to the children and this is a hadith which is narrated from the Messenger of Allah صلى الله عليه وسلم أن رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم مرة بعبد الله بن جعفر وهو يبيع بيع الغلمان أو الصبيان قال اللهم بارك له في بيعه this hadith is narrated by the Tabarani and in this hadith the Messenger of Allah صلى الله عليه وسلم he passed by عبد الله بن جعفر and he was يبيع بيع الغلمان he was playing buying and selling the way the children do he was playing with the children buying and selling games like playing a shopkeeper or something like that you know يبيع الغلمان the selling that the children do so like playing with a shop or playing selling games with the children buying and selling and the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم he passed by him and he said Oh Allah bless him in his sale in his transaction Oh Allah bless him in his sale in his transaction سبحان الله bless him in it shows the that the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم approved of him playing games with the children and he was teaching them it's not a foolish game it's not a game that contains anything but just they pretending to buy and sell you're going to buy this from me how much would you buy it from okay I will buy it from you and they will you know they have some pretend money or something like that and they play like that that is something that is praise worthy so it's good to play with your children and it's good to ask them about the games that they are playing and that is something that the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم he approved of صلى الله عليه وسلم وعلي so that's all we have time for in this episode but we're going to be continuing on with one more episode إن شاء الله و تعالى on the rights of our children and the obligations of the parents towards them that's what Allah made easy for me to mention and Allah knows best وصلى الله عليه وسلم على نبينا محمد وعلى آله و صحبه أجمعين السلام عليكم if you're enjoying these videos and you'd like to keep up to date with all of the courses we're going to be running make sure you head over to amauathome.com