 Colgate dental cream to clean your breath while you clean your teeth and help stop tooth decay and Luster cream shampoo for soft glamorous Corrosable hair bring you our miss Brooks starring Eve Arden Once again for another comedy episode of our miss Brooks written by Al Lewis Well last Tuesday was Valentine's Day and our miss Brooks who teaches English at Madison High School Look forward to celebrating the occasion with Madison's biology teacher mr. Phillip Boynton Of course, mr. Boynton isn't the most dashing person in the world But what he lacks in ardent emotion he more than makes up for by his passionate lack of interest in romance In fact, I have long suspected that if mr. Boynton is ever hit by one of Dan Cupid's arrows He'll remove it with a scalpel cauterize the wound and kick Cupid right in his quiver. I Was discussing my reluctant dreamboat with my landlady last Tuesday at breakfast I can't understand it Connie. You're young attractive good company charming. Thanks, Mrs. Davis. What are you doing after school? Now I'm serious somebody ought to take mr. Boynton by the shoulders and give him a good shaking I've tried that, but he's not a very good rumber dancer Besides I really shouldn't complain we've been out on several dates in the past few weeks I know that dear, but where does he take you on these dates to the zoo? Exactly and he took you there again yesterday, didn't he? How do you know? It's obvious if it's that obvious. I'd better spray a little sweet air around You were at the zoo by the way you were dreaming last night I got up to get some water and as I passed your room you were screaming like a wounded buffalo Well, that's absurd. Mrs. Davis. I don't know what I'd be screaming about it was only a flesh wound Well cheer up dear here are some Valentine greetings that came for you this morning. Oh, thanks, Mrs. Davis. Let's see This one's from Walter Denton. I recognize the handwriting Well an original poem read it out loud counting all right It says my heart tick-ticks for you my queen with a steady watch beat of a new long gene Dear miss Brooks. I think you're keen won't you be my valentine? That's the feminine gender Listen to this mrs. Davis This is from stretch snodgrass really you mean he can write just about Here it is when it comes to athletics, I get plenty of breaks But when it comes to scholastics, I ain't no great shakes But since being in your English class, I don't sing the blues because nobody nowhere never taught me better than use What I call a flattering Valentine Why don't you open this next one Connie even I can recognize the sender of that Oh, mr. Boyd and put his return address on the envelope naturally when he invests in the stamp He wants to be sure it gets somewhere Well listen to this You're on my mind where ere I go even when I'm alone at a picture show But especially do I think of you when I happen to pass our local zoo? There he goes again How about you Connie? Did you send mr. Boyd in the Valentine greeting? Yes, I mailed it yesterday I didn't sign it of course, but I think you'll know where it came from What did you say in your greeting Connie? It was an original bit of verse mrs. Davis called I must go where the wild goose goes Let's see if I can remember it. Oh, yes to my Valentine mr. Boydton though I must go where the wild goose goes I also know what the wild goose knows you'll think I'm jesting I suppose but no goose winds up in any zoo If he's really on his toes Why Connie that's beautiful. It's a wonderful idea for a song. Oh, I don't know. It's not very commercial But I've been thinking mrs. Davis today being Valentine's Day I'd like to get mr. Boydton to take me to a restaurant for a change Where does he usually take you to dinner? We split a hamburger in front of the lion's cage I strongly suspect it's the same kind of meat the lion gets There's one thing I should be grateful for I suppose. What's that? He doesn't serve it to me on the end of a stick I'm sure mr. Boydton realizes that this is a holiday Connie He'll probably take you to a lovely restaurant. No, he won't mrs. Davis He was just telling me yesterday. How pressed he is for money seems he spent two dollars for a rare white mouse He's experimenting with it at his home and he's home Good heavens Connie. How can mr. Boydton live in a place with a white mouse? He's got twin beds Get back to my date tonight If I had a little extra money, I'd pretend I owed it to mr. Boydton for some ancient debt and force it on him Then he'd have to take me to a nice place to eat that sounds like an excellent idea Connie Do you have any extra money? One dollar net now if I had another dollar or two I could Mrs. Davis I Pass Connie I Barely have enough money to do today shopping. I'd love to help you dear. Oh forget it mr. Davis I guess I'll have to forget it too. Oh That must be Walter Denton. He's driving me down to school this morning again. What's wrong with your car? Yes I'll fix some more toast and get some jelly out that boy's one of the biggest eaters I've ever seen He does do pretty well by the groceries Valentine's Day greetings to the fairest of the fair and I hope my little verses aren't getting in your hair Times are most enchanting but upon them. Let's not brood Pull a chair up to the table and start swelling up your food That's what I like about Valentine's Day, miss Brooks. It puts everybody in such a good humor But before I join you for breakfast, there's something I'd like to take care of what's that here's the buck I owe you you lent it to me way back in September for a ticket to the ballgame I'll bet you don't even remember it. What do you want to bet? Here miss Brooks take it and if you don't mind a rather personal suggestion Why don't you slip the dollar to mr. Boynton mr. Boynton sure so he'll take you to a restaurant for once instead of the zoo What yeah, you could tell him you owe him the money for some ancient debt or something Walter how can you even think of such a thing too? That is I know you mean well, but do you really think it'll work sure it'll work Well, how about you it won't leave you short will it oh not a bit I got the money from stretch snot grass last night. He's owed it to me since August But stretch doesn't make very much working in his father's pet shop Maybe you shouldn't have taken it from him. Oh, he doesn't work at the pet shop anymore His father fired him after the beef beef. Yeah, you know what a temper stretch has well last Monday He bit an orangutan How hungry can you get? His father just means to punish him I guess but meanwhile stretch wound up with a job after school It pays three times as much. Where is he working in turkey heaven? How did he get in? The world is turkey heaven. It's a restaurant, mr. Brooks Of course stretch is only a bus boy now But who knows how far he can go if mr. Turk takes a liking to him mr. Turk the owner Turk's turkey heaven the place is called if you tell me mr. Turk's first name is Tom I'll hit you with a drumstick Well spot, miss Brooks, maybe mr. Boynton will take you there some night not unless they sell turkey burgers and have a lion in the window Honestly, I'm so fed up with the zoo. I'd almost rather stay home tonight Wait a minute if I add this dollar you gave me to the one I've got already we could come on Walter We've got to get down to school for the election. What election? I've just elected mr. Boynton the man most likely to blow me to dinner with my own money Darling Eve Arden will continue in just a moment, but first here is Vern Smith No other dentifers offers proof of such results proof that Colgate dental cream helped stop tooth decay before it starts two years research at leading universities using Colgate dental cream hundreds of case histories Makes this the most conclusive proof in all dentifers history on tooth decay Conclusive proof that when teeth are brushed with Colgate's right after eating Colgate dental cream helped stop tooth decay Before it starts. Yes, the toothpaste you use to clean your breath while you clean your teeth now offers a safe Proved way to reduce tooth decay Modern science shows decay is caused by mouth acids, which are at their worst right after eating Brushing teeth with Colgate's is directed helps remove acids before they harm enamel Colgate dental cream has been proved to contain all the necessary ingredients Including an exclusive patented ingredient for effective daily dental care Get Colgate dental cream today big economy size only 59 cents Always use Colgate dental cream to clean your breath while you clean your teeth and help stop tooth decay before it starts Remember no other dentiferous offers proof of such results Well, we got to school before it was time for my first class And I headed directly for the biology lab to confirm my valentine date with mr. Boynton His enthusiastic reply to my reminder almost swept me off my feet. I guess we could kill a couple of hours somewhere But frankly mr. Brooks if you're expecting any elaborate celebrations, of course, I'm not mr. Boynton I just thought we could do something simple and inexpensive. You mean like go to the no Before we make any plans, let me give you these two dollars. I owe you two dollars. Yes, it was for a gas I picked you up in my car one night last may and when we ran out of gas you bought 10 gallons for me I bought 10 gallons. You had a beer with your dinner Oh, let me think a minute. You say this happened one night last may May say was that the evening we were coming from the zoo? We weren't coming from the casino in montecarlo Here mr. Boynton take the two dollars Oh, but I don't seem to remember this incident miss brooks. Let me take a look at my little black book Black book. Oh, yes. I enter all my expenditures into during the fiscal year That way. I know just how to budget myself for month to month Now, let's see 1949 august july june. Here we are may May 1st light bulb 15 cents Colour button five cents May 2nd 25 razor blades nine cents May 3rd macurachroman bandages 90 cents May 4th stamp for let it a mother three cents Month supply of frog food for pet mcdougal 12 cents that must have been the month mac was on the diet It's funny. I can't seem to find any record of that gas bill. Please mr. Boynton. It must have slipped your mind. Just take Let's look a little further, please May May 11th ink 10 cents stamp for let it a mother three cents May 14th shoelaces five cents stamp three cents May 16th laundry 75 cents may 18th stamp six cents. Oh, that was mother's day. I wrote mom airmail She must have been thrilled two days later May 25th pair of socks 35 cents sports shirt three dollars. That must have been the day you had the beer I don't remember that item at all see you just forgot to put the two dollars down now. Please take the money and let's not Thanks, mr. Brooks. It's certainly nice of you to remind me about it You know this two dollars is going to make a big difference in our valentine day celebration You mean dinner for two mr. Boynton for two well with this money. I can buy peanuts for every monkey monkey in the zoo So class if you'll just turn to page 18 We can all go to lunch Miss Brooks. Oh miss Brooks. Can I talk to you for a minute? What is it harriett? Walter told me he paid you back some money. He owed you and I'd like to do the same thing Here miss Brooks. Here's the dollar you laid out for two of my lunches last month But harriett, I treated you to those why should you treat me to lunch miss Brooks? Oh, I don't know. Maybe the market went up Please miss Brooks. I insist that you take this dollar, but harriett. This is probably your lunch money Oh, it isn't stretch snodgrass owed me this money for months. He just paid me back this morning Good old stretch since he's been working at turkey heaven. He's loaded like a turkey Thanks harriett. This money is going to come in very handy Now if I could just think of somebody else who owed me some money Wait a minute. Your father owes me a dollar since last December. I'm going right over and collect it I'll walk you to his office miss Brooks But if I were you I'd be very careful how I approached daddy. He wasn't in a very good mood this morning What was wrong? Well mother played a little valentine joke on him She got a big heart shaped hole in his morning paper And she said she'd like to see his face at the breakfast table at least one day a year That should be plenty. I mean that was very clever of your mother harriett. I'm glad I didn't send him a valentine Well, here we are miss Brooks. Good luck. Thanks harriett. Now stand back. I'm going to open the cage Uh, pardon me mr. Conklin. Oh, oh good afternoon miss Brooks and thank you for the valentine greeting Valentine greeting, but I know you chose to remain anonymous But certain subtleties of phrasing gave you away. The biggest hint of course was in the signature from an admirer Oh, I'm not the only one that Madison who feels that way about you mr. Conklin, but I am glad you like the card Yes, it is a dandy You probably know it by heart, but I'd like to read it aloud for you if I may certainly sir. I'd love to hear it again It goes As our principal you've ruled us with a firm and steady hand you've hustled and you've bustled on our work You've carefully planned though. You've guided us and chided us I've really been in clover because I know it won't take very long before you topple over Mr. Conklin, I have a confession to make that is not the card. I sent you it isn't That's strange. It's the only one I got. Oh, mine must have been held up in the mail I'll send it to you. I mean you'll get it tomorrow I'll be looking forward to it Now I've got to finish checking the business accounts of the school library, mr. Brooks So if you'll state your business, yes, sir You may not recall this mr. Conklin, but during the first week in december I was taking care of the office while you were out and the collect telegram came for you It did yes, and I paid for it. You did remember you told me to remind you about it around christmas time And did you yes, sir, then you've done your duty. Good day, miss brook But mr. Conklin the reason i'm bringing it up again is that you didn't stop dunning me How much is the miserable item Well, the wire was 97 cents. So I gave him a dollar you tipped the messenger boy It was only three cents. You're very generous with my money Well, the messenger had no change either and as I say it was just three cents and the amount is immaterial It's the principle that's involved. Oh, you're not so involved mr. Conklin Please miss brook I've always felt the tipping is definitely unamerican, but the messenger boy didn't mind. He was a little old frenchman However sooner than violate your code just give me 97 cents and I'll write off the balance under the marshal plan I am not small miss brooks. Here's your dollar. Oh, thank you, sir. Now if you'll excuse me Just one moment, please in going over these accounts from the library I find that you're six weeks past due on a book a book Oh, yes, that was the one I brought home for mrs. Davis She can't seem to remember just where she put it. She didn't even read any of it yet Obviously the book was called how to improve your memory It listed at one dollar and fifty cents and I'll thank you for the money right now Oh, but mr. Conklin, we're still looking for it and we may these accounts are all being closed out immediately miss brooks If you find the book, we'll be happy to make an adjustment But I can't afford a dollar fifty at this time. I haven't got it to give you tut tut tut tut tut miss brooks I just handed you a dollar And that you must admit was like found money Like money found at the bottom of a snake pit Look, mr. Conklin, couldn't this wait until don't be petty miss brooks Here's fifty cents just hand me two dollars and your account is all squared away. All right. Here you are Now may I go mr. Conklin? Certainly. Good day miss brooks. It's a lulu so far Hi miss brooks. Oh, hello stretch. Thanks for the valentine. Oh, that's okay. Go to the cafeteria for lunch I might as well. I have fifty cents. That's just burning a hole in my pocket the one that doesn't have a hole in it already This talk of money is probably boring to anyone as affluent as you are Oh, I ain't affluent miss brooks. I just got a cold in the head Well, it's nice to know there's something in there By the way, how are things at fort nox? Where turkey heaven? Do you like your new job? Oh, I like it real good. Of course. I'm just a bus boy now, but if I work real hard I don't always have to be a bus boy. I can go places especially if you get your own bus You don't understand miss brooks from a bus where I could get to be a waiter And then I could go from waiter to mater mater d d hotel We seem to have lost contact somewhere Let's start again. Shall we Mater is short for mater d hotel, you know the head waiter who runs the whole restaurant usually Boy to be one of them. You sure got to be elegant. Yes. I know you only talk to the creamer society The most cultured well-bred best mannered people in the whole world boy And you know what happens when you're a mater d what? If they don't slip you a five spot you don't give none of them crumbs a table Who said it takes a heap of culture to make a mater d That's a long way off I guess Meanwhile, I'll just keep picking up glasses and learning the business at least it's good exercise for me I do a lot of bending over bending over sure. I drop a lot of glasses too But a true nice restaurant miss brooks. They got roast turkey fried turkey and cream turkey My favorite is their special turkey or grating. It's turkey hash varnish with cheese And it's served in a shaving dish Have you ever tried that? No, I prefer boiled turkey shellacked in the cassasserole Is that good? Oh take a glass of domestic turpentine with it and you're out of this world Oh before I forget miss brooks Here's a credit slip for two free dinners at turkey heaven The boss gave it to me for working extra hard over the weekend two free dinners But stretch I can't take this You've earned it by your labors. You're the one who should profit by your own efforts. You and nobody else Well, that's enough acting for one day hand it over Here you are miss brooks. It's no good to me anyway after nibbling on turkey all day. Who can eat? Wait a minute stretch. I've got an idea I want you to find mr. Boynton and give him this credit slip. Mr. Boynton That's right, but whatever you do don't mention to him that I know anything about it now. Is that clear? Yes, ma'am. I'm to find mr. Boynton then give him the slip and mention that you don't know nothing about it No stretch. You're not to mention that I know anything about it. Sorry That grammatical carelessness will be the death of me It's been a very nice walk mr. Boynton, but we're nowhere near the zoo Well, I uh, I changed my mind about that miss brooks Before we left school, I decided that this being valentine's day I'd like to take you to a restaurant for dinner. Oh wonderful. May I pick any place I want? Well, that is uh, I'd like to go to turkey heaven. Go ahead pick any place you want Say now, this is a coincidence. Isn't that turkey heaven right ahead of us? That's right miss brooks. It's uh, rather expensive, isn't it? Oh money isn't everything come on. Let's go in Say it's a good thing. It's early. We won't have any trouble getting a table. Oh fine Look at that turkey being carried out of the kitchen. Isn't it a beautiful bird? Oh, yes it is, but look isn't that stretch snodgrass with that tray of glasses? Yes Hi miss brooks, mr. Boynton. I'll pick up the glasses later. The mater D isn't here yet anyhow I'd like to sit at this table in the corner here I know how it is when a couple are gonna eat alone They like a nice concluded place where nobody can see them. Then if they feel like picking up a turkey leg in their hands, who cares? You're so right stretch Now if you just bring it you got it pretty fast miss brooks. Hope you enjoy everything Incidentally, I didn't spill the beans to you know who about you're knowing about the two free dinners to you know Stretch go get mr. Boynton a glass of water and bring a couple of menus while you're at it Yes, ma'am. I'll get them right away Miss brooks, I've decided there's no point in my trying to deceive you. So I'm gonna come clean Stretch gave me a credit slip for two free dinners here Really? Well, wasn't that sweet? Here you are folks water and menus. I'd like to advise you to read the menus pretty careful though The prices in here are mighty steep. Oh, we don't have to worry about that stretch. Mr. You know who has a credit slip for two free. You know what? Now let's see what should we order gosh miss brooks There's something I forgot to tell you what's that this slip isn't good on holidays and today is valentine's day Oh, no stretch. That's terrible. Oh now now calm down miss brooks. I'm not going to see you disappointed Credit slip or no credit slip. This is one holiday. We're going to celebrate and celebrate right Well, miss brooks, what do you think of it? Isn't this a magnificent bird? It certainly is mr. Boynton Now come over here. There's a pelican in this case I promise brooks returns in just a moment, but first dream girl dream girl beautiful luster cream girl Tonight yes tonight show him how much lovelier your hair can look after a luster cream shampoo Luster cream world's finest shampoo No other shampoo in the world gives k-dumas magic blend of secret ingredients plus gentle aniline Not a soap not a liquid luster cream shampoo leaves hair three three ways lovelier Fragmently clean free of loose dandruff glistening with sheen soft manageable Even in hardest water luster cream lathers instantly No special rinse needed after a luster cream shampoo So gentle luster cream is wonderful even for children's hair Tonight yes tonight try luster cream shampoo Dream girl dream girl beautiful luster cream girl You owe your crowning glory to A luster cream shampoo And now once again here is our miss brooks Well when the zoo closed mr. Boynton and I caught the five o'clock hamburger and headed for home But as we passed a nice secluded bench I stopped him Look mr. Boynton we may not be able to afford a fancy restaurant But we can still celebrate valentine's day after all we are together We have a bench in the park and school is over But how can we celebrate on a park bench miss brooks? Correction school is just beginning Brought to you by luster cream shampoo for soft glamorous caressable hair And colgate dental cream to clean your breath while you clean your teeth and help stop tooth decay Our miss brooks starring eve arden is produced by larry burns directed by al lewis with music by wilbur hatch Mr. Boynton is played by jeff chandler mr. Conklin by gale gordon Others in tonight's cast were jane morgan dick crana gloria mcmillan and lennard smith Doctors prove palm olive soap can bring you a lovelier complexion in 14 days Yes, 36 leading skin specialists proved in tests on 1285 different women that palm olive soap facials using nothing but palm olive Brought new complexion beauty to two women out of three Just wash your face three times daily with palm olive soap each time for 60 seconds Massaging palm olive's beauty lather onto your skin then rinse So start your palm olive facials today. Remember Doctors prove palm olive soap can bring you a lovelier complexion in 14 days Mystery liberally sprinkled with laughs listen to mr. And mrs. North the exciting fun-packed adventures of an amateur detective and his beautiful wife Tune in tuesday evening over most of these same stations and be with us again next week at this same time For another comedy episode of our miss brooks barblamon speaking It's a serious the only a born cast in the system