 This is Peter Lorre, here again to welcome you to the mystery playhouse. Tonight we bring you a story by a Jonathan Latimer called Lady in the Morgue. It offers detectives Crane and O'Malley the delightful problem of solving three murders and interviewing a lovely brunette. A lady who is mysteriously related to the unsolved crimes. Come with me to the Morgue for the beginning of our little story, huh? Oh, don't let these thefts bother you. Their troubles are over. But for those two detectives over there, the murders are just beginning. Come down these steps. Right this way. Come. Come, come. I'm going nuts hanging around here. Oh, stop squawking, O'Malley. Three days just sitting in the Morgue. I'm beginning to feel like a stiff myself. Look, I don't like it any better than you do, O'Malley, but we're hired as private detectives to sit here. And we're going to sit here until somebody identifies the dame's body. Okay. How do you know Alice Ross isn't Alice Ross? Why don't you stop being a joke? That name's a phony. You know, Crane, the whole thing seems phony to me. What? Who is this rich New York guy, Cortland? He hires us by a telegram. We've never seen him. And why is he so interested in this little blonde who commits suicide? Look, I don't think it's going to do any good, but I'm going to tell you for the last time. He thinks it's his sister Catherine Cortland. She ran away from home a couple of years ago, chasing after some musician. Ah, gee. Hey, that's the desk bell. Looks like the Morgue's got a customer. Leave him in the attendant hall to answer it. Where is he? Where is he? Where is he anyhow? Down in the vaults with the stiffs. Well, then maybe we better answer it, O'Malley. Might be somebody to clean the body. Uh, looking for someone, mister? For a couple of private detectives, Crane and O'Malley. Oh, I'm Crane. And that character over there is O'Malley. Well, my name's Cortland. I sent you that wire. Oh, come right in. Come right in. Glad to meet you. Me, too. Delayed in New York, expected to be here yesterday. What about the girl? No information yet, mister Cortland. And if you think she might be your sister Catherine, why, uh, you can identify yourself. Well, yes. Uh, where? Uh, this way, mister Cortland. Thanks. The body's down in the vaults. Leave him in the Morgue attendant. You see, he's down there. I'll wait here for you, Crane. I can't stand looking at that girl. Come on, come on. Stick with the client. Watch your foot in the stairs, you slippery fool. Yeah. Thanks. Now, uh, what makes you think this Alice Ross girl might be your sister, mister Cortland? Well, just what I read in the New York papers. That's all. Brown girl, blue eyes, suicide. Also, my sister Catherine wrote us about two months ago that she was finished with her old life. She ran away from home with the musician two years ago. And... The body's in here. Lieberman. Hey, Lieberman, where are you? I thought you said Lieberman was down here, old Mally. Yeah, I saw him go down about 20 minutes ago. Come on, mister Cortland. The body's on tray number 27. Where is it? It's four, 10, 14... 17, 25, 27. Uh, you pull out the tray. I don't like things like this. Oh, there's nothing to be afraid of. She's dead. All you got to do is grab the handle and... Go ahead, old Mally. You pull it out. Oh, all right. Well, that's a man's body, a man, not a woman. Yeah, she's certainly real. What? Hey, it's Lieberman. The morgue attendant. Murder? Murder in the morgue? It's might all right. It's head smash. Which way is the girl's body? Yeah, mister Cortland. This is a job for the police. Who's about your private detective credentials, Crane? But, Lieutenant... Of course, either, old Mally. Now, look, a man was murdered in the morgue today and a woman's body was stolen. And you and old Mally and this fellow Cortland were the only ones who could have done it. Why don't you stop acting like a movie cap, Lieutenant Grady? What? Think it's true. Cortland is my client. He hired old Mally and me to line up the girl as his sister. Right. I sent Crane Awaya from New York. All right. Skip the details. Ah, use your head, Lieutenant Grady. You're forgetting a couple of things. You remember that Lieberman, the morgue attendant, had a handful of red hair in his hand. And Cortland got red hair? Have I? Huh? You know darn well you have. And we also know that somebody held Lieberman from in front while someone else slugged him from behind. Otherwise, why would Lieberman's wrist be torn and bloody? Okay, old Kale. But Lieberman had the hair in his left hand now. If I were holding your wrists, I'd be holding your left wrist with my right hand. Wouldn't I? I'd be holding your weaker hand with my strongest. All right. Now what are you trying to prove? We're trying to prove. What at a time, O'Malley? Okay, go ahead, Crane. Thank you, Professor. We're trying to prove that whoever held Lieberman's hand was red-headed and left-handed. And none of us are left-handed already. All right, all right, Mr. Cortland, pipe down. Crane, go on from there. Lieutenant, we're going to find that missing body for you. All right. All right, Crane. But if you're getting away with something new and something right now, it's only temporary. All right, all right. Come on, O'Malley. And look, don't forget, Crane, one false step and I'll pin the whole thing on you. You shouldn't have slammed the door, Crane. You'll make him mad. Well, what happens now? You're going back to your hotel, Mr. Cortland, and wait there till you hear from me. O'Malley and I got to pay a visit to the apartment where the missing body hanged herself. Stick out in the hall and keep your eyes peeled. Sure, Crane, but I'm getting nervous. Found anything here? Nope. Uh, one funny thing, though. Alice Ross left a lot of brand new dresses here in this closet. Look, never been worn, but not a pair of shoes in a place. Hmm. That don't make sense, Crane. You're telling me. O'Malley, take a look at this bathroom door. According to the papers, this is where Alice Ross hanged herself. Draped the cord over. Isn't that terrible? Let's see now. According to the papers, she came out of the bathtub and hanged herself while she was still wet. The police found a puddle of water on a floor. That's nuts, Crane. Why would anybody take a bath if they were going to commit suicide unless they wanted to hang themselves up to dry? Would anyone hang herself while she was still wet? Oh, I think she'd dry herself first. Don't make sense. It'd make good sense, O'Malley, if she didn't commit suicide. It'd make better sense if she was murdered. Yeah. Murdered. She was murdered first. Then the murderer hung her body up with a cord. O'Malley, get back in the hall and keep a lookout. Sometimes I wonder what you'd do without me, Crane. Sometimes I'd... Now, now, what's the matter? It's grady and a bunch of cops. Let's get out of here quick. Yeah, yeah, but where? It's free-force to the ground. How about this window? Great. Hey, there's a ledge. One way, I'll go to the other. If I can hide in this room until... My toe! Shut up. Now, listen. Listen, I don't want to hurt you and I don't want to rob you. And I'll turn you loose if you promise not to make a sound. Now, remember, if you make a sound, you're going to get hurt. Is that clear? Okay. You already hurt me. You hurt my mouth. What are you doing to my bathroom? What do you want anyway? Now, listen, honey, I didn't want to duck through your bathroom window. It was just convenient. That's all. Get out. When I'm ready. Nice apartment you got here. Mind if I look around a bit? If you don't get out of here, I'll phone the police. You don't have to phone, sister. They're right next door. What? Yeah. Did you know the girl next door, the one who hanged herself? Alice Royce. What's that to you? And keep out of my clothes closet. Now, listen, baby, you're a beautiful hunk of flesh and I'd hate to get rough with you. But I like answers to questions when I ask them. Now, let's begin again. What's your name? It's Sam Udoni. That's my name. It's a Sam Udoni. Ah, that's better. Now, about the girl next door... I don't know anything about her. Don't lie to me. I'm not lying. Maybe so, but this clothes closet is very interesting. Very. Why, you... Watch it, baby. Now, tell me this. Why have you got two different sizes of shoes there in the shoe closet? Oh, and dresses. Hmm, and two different sizes. Two complete wardrobes. Very simple. Some of them belong to my roommate. She's a blonde. She dresses different from me. Thought you just said your name was Mrs. Udoni. Mrs. Sam Udoni. My husband's a musician. He travels with bands. He's away all the time. Yeah. What do you ask me all these questions? Your husband forgot to take his trumpet. Why are you... Now, don't get sore. I'm getting out. I just heard the cops next door go down the hall. I'm, uh, kind of sorry we met this way. You are a beautiful doll. Don't be insulting. I always like long black hair, the kind that comes out of a bottle. And don't be surprised if Papa comes back sometime. Get out. Get out of here. Get out before I kill you. Well, that's what it all adds up to, Mr. Cortland. Alice Ross was murdered. And her body, obviously, was stolen from the morgue to cover up that murder. And if this girl was murdered, and she turns out to be your sister... My sister is alive, Crane. I've just found out. What? Mr. Cortland. Oh, you heard from your sister? Yes, she's alive. So, as she's obviously not the dead Alice Ross, I'd like you both to drop the case. Oh. Well, uh... Well, I'd like to do that, Mr. Cortland. I'd like to very much, but one small difficulty. You see, Lieberman, the morgue attendant, was murdered. And, uh, I'm still kind of a suspect, and so is O'Malley, and so are you. Right. Right. And the only way we can clear ourselves is to break the case ourselves. Right. Right. Besides, uh, I think I know who helped to kill Lieberman and snatched the girl's body. You do? Who? An undertaker. A left-handed red-headed undertaker. That's ridiculous. No, now wait a minute, Mr. Cortland. Sometimes Crane gets brainstorms. Figure it out, Mr. Cortland. The only way anyone could get into the morgue and carry the body away is through the delivery entrance. That means only an undertaker could get in there without a lot of questions. What did I tell you, Mr. Cortland? A brainstorm. Right. Right. Oh, this is all nonsense. Complete another nonsense. Oh, but just to prove that it isn't, O'Malley's going out right now and find that undertaker. Right. Uh, me? Why am I going to find him? You'll find him easy, O'Malley. Sure, sure. I'll find him easy? Well, if this is the only way we can clear ourselves, as you say, why, I ought to help find this undertaker. Fine, fine, Mr. Cortland. Now, let O'Malley cover one side of town and you cover the other. We'll meet here in four hours. And what about you, Crane? What are you going to be doing? Me? Didn't I tell you? I got a date with a gorgeous prunette. This is you, Donnie. I told you I'd be back. You? What are you doing here? Well, I came to hear the hot music and, uh, be near you. You've got a nerve after what happened today. Hey, hey, that's a solid horn. Your husband blows in that next room, then. Yeah, what makes you think he's my husband? You said your husband was a musician and I saw a trumpet here this morning. Well, you see too much. What do you want, anyway? How does a wife of a musician feel when another woman starts following him around the country? I don't know what you're talking about. Never heard of Catherine Cortland, huh? She never meant anything to Sam. She's been following him around for several years. Must have got someplace with him in that time. Look, you better get out of here. My husband's coming in here. Good. I want to see him. Tell him that you button in here. He'll kill you. Who is this guy, baby? This is him, Sam. You're looking for trouble, mister. I like trouble. What do you want with us? I want Catherine Cortland or I want a body. What are you talking about? I don't be core you, Donnie. I know Catherine Cortland left New York several years ago to follow you here. What about it? Sure she followed me here. Does that make me responsible for her? I haven't seen her for months. And who was that living in the apartment next door to you? How should I know? A girl commits suicide in the apartment next door and right away I'm a suspect. Get out of here. Okay, you Donnie. Just one thing. You see this nice, shiny badge? The body of a blonde who was murdered in the apartment next to yours. What? Murdered? What are you... The paper said... Sure, the paper said suicide, but she was murdered, you Donnie. Murdered. And her body will be in a city morgue in four hours. And I want you to come and take a look at it. Just like you said, Crane, there was a left-handed, red-headed undertaker. Only there isn't any more. What do you mean? Yeah. I went to his place, rang the bell. No answer. I went in and there he was murdered. What? Murdered. Yup. I found coffins, a knife right through his heart. Police hadn't even been there yet. This is incredible. Well, didn't you look around, O'Malley? I'm no dope. No? I looked at his books, and I found out that a girl named Alice Hughes was buried today, Forest Tree Cemetery. That's our blonde. You're wonderful, O'Malley. I love you. Ah, it was simple. Now we gotta move fast. Get out to the Forest Tree Cemetery, get that body, and return it to the morgue. How about me? You? You come along too, Cortland. Let's go. All right, O'Malley. Lift her up. Put her on the table. Now can I go? Stick around, stick around. I got a job for you. You certainly have a genius for the fantastic crane, digging this body out of its grave, sneaking it in here in the morgue. I only do what's necessary, Cortland. Now look, are you sure this girl isn't your sister? Absolutely. Well, it's the same body that was swiped from the morgue and she was murdered. Murdered? By the morgue. Whoever killed this girl knows I've located the body and returned it to the morgue. So what, Crane? The killer's going to try to steal the body again. And you, Mr. Cortland and O'Malley, are going to catch him, red handed. Me? You. But Crane, how can you be sure? I made sure. Now listen, here's what we're going to do. We leave the body here on this table with a sheet over it. Then you two get under the sheets on these other tables. But those are tables they perform autopsies on. Right. And the murderer, when he comes in, will never suspect that you're under those sheets. All right, Crane. I'm game. I'm leaving you two here alone. I'll beat it out and get Lieutenant Grady. Oh. I ought to warn you. No one knows you're down here in the vaults. Just you two. But don't worry. The killer will be here. Good luck, boys. Just us two and the killer, Mr. Cortland. I'm not afraid. Let's get under the sheets. Now turn out the light. Mr. Cortland. Will you do me a small favor? Why, certainly, O'Malley. What is it? Every now and then, reach over and pinch me. That will be a pleasure. Every time I get under a sheet, I go to sleep. You don't mean to say you could go to sleep in a morgue waiting for a murderer? Why, that's ridiculous. My mind agrees with you, but when my body feels a sheet, it goes to sleep. Perfect. I got you covered. Now, come on, get up off the floor. Well, thanks, O'Malley. I knew I could depend on you. Right, right. Hey, this guy is Cortland. Now, you tricked me, Crayon. You were waiting at the end of the hall all the time. And I suppose you didn't try to trick O'Malley and murder him in a bargain. Yeah, but I don't get it. Did Cortland kill Lieberman? Did he steal a bargain? Not so fast, O'Malley. Go ahead, go to the telephone and tell Lieutenant Grady to hurry over here to the city morgue. If he wants, leave him and his killer. I'll wait here. I'm still expecting Sam Udoni to show up and identify the girl's body. Oh, O'Malley, another thing. Get me a bucket full of peroxide. A bucket full of peroxide? Peroxide, I'll need it. This is Sam Udoni and Mrs. Udoni. And this is my client, Mr. Cortland. Your client? Then why you got him handcuffed? Well, it ain't merely because he didn't pay his bill. Now, no! O'Malley told me on the phone that this blonde dame, Alice Ross, didn't commit suicide but was murdered. What about that? Well, that's right. Murdered. By this man right here. But look, Crane, Cortland, couldn't have... Who said anything about Cortland? I said this man right here, meaning Sam Udoni. That's a lie. You can't prove that. You shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Do you think Udoni committed all those murders? No, my husband was with me when they were committed. And what reason would he have to kill this Alice Ross? Why, he didn't even know her. How about that, Crane? Well, Udoni ought to have known Alice Ross. He killed her because she wouldn't give him a divorce. Alice Ross was actually Mrs. Udoni. How could she be? I am Mrs. Udoni. Let me out of here. Grab him, O'Malley. Let me go. Let me go. I won't do you any good. It's better. Don't talk, Sam. They can't prove anything. Be quiet, you. Be quiet, you. Be quiet, you. Oh, heaven, this is all beginning to make sense. That's why Udoni stole the body of his wife. So that he could pass off this woman here as Mrs. Udoni. Right, Lieutenant. Sure, I get it. And now for the proof, O'Malley. O'Malley, hand me that bucket full of proxite. Here you are, Crane. Hey, now wait a minute, Crane. Wait a minute before you start his shenanigan. If Alice Ross was actually Mrs. Udoni, who's his name here? Well, that's simple. She's Catherine Cortland. What? You're crazy. Catherine Cortland was a blonde. Wait a minute. She's no blonde Crane. Oh, no. Just watch. Watch her hair, Lieutenant. Just watch her hair. Yeah. Say, the black is running out. That dye, you mean. You better take it someplace where she can clean up, O'Malley. Yeah, but wait a minute. Where does this guy Cortland fit in? I'm afraid he was merely an unhappy accomplice. But go easy on him. He's a good guy. Good guy? Good guy? Good guy? He tried to stab me. Yeah, yeah, but he was dragged into this whole thing to protect his sister. And she was dragged in by Samuel Udoni. He's the real Alice. Look, Crane, I'm not making any alibis, but I wish you'd answer me just one question. Go ahead, shoot Cortland. How did you know my sister had dyed her hair? Well, in your sister's apartment, I found a bottle of black hair dye and a bottle of peroxide in the bathroom. But what finally convinced me was the real Mrs. Udoni. What do you mean? You see, hair grows after death. And if you'll take a look at the dead girl's body, you'll see the roots of a blunt hair are all black. Crane, all I can say, you make my hair stand on end. It was Lady Nemorg by Jonathan Latimer. Oh, yes, yes, we were going to have a guest ghost on tonight's broadcast. Oh, but poor fellow. He was taken gravely ill. The doctors have given up all hope. He's going to live. By the way, if you have any pet vampires you'd like to hear about on these programs, just drop me a line. Just give the letter to your favorite witch with instructions to take her broomstick and knock on the door of the mystery playhouse. Armed Forces Radio, Los Angeles, USA. Now it's time to close the doors before all these bats fly away. This is Peter Laurie saying, good night, sleep tight. This is the Armed Forces Radio service.