 As-salamu alaikum and welcome to the episode, I remember Zahra, a show where we talk about Fatima al-Zahra al-salaam and the effects of a miscarriage to relate it to the miscarriages that are happening nowadays. I would like to welcome our dear guest here, Fahima Muhammad, she is a life coach, so as-salamu alaikum sister Fahima. Alaykum as-salam. We're going to talk a little bit about Fatima al-Zahra al-salaam and what she went through from her miscarriages and slightly will refer it to the miscarriages that happen to women nowadays and how they feel and the effects of it and what they go through. So Fatima al-Zahra al-salaam, eventually after the attack on her door, it took two lives away. The life herself, Fatima, and the life of her murdered al-Muhsin. Al-Muhsin, he's the son of Ali al-Fatima. He was no more than six months at the time of the attack. He had nothing to do with politics, he had nothing to do with business, and he had nothing to do with machinations, which was the reason of the attack on Fatima al-Zahra al-salaam. Al-Muhsin did not even know what was happening and what happened. So and none of the people who had a grasp over Ali and Fatima had an argument against the Muhsin. Even those who questioned and debated the infallibility of Fatima al-Zahra al-salaam and Imam Ali fell silent when the infallibility of an unborn murderer, al-Muhsin, was raised. Many people nowadays and many Muslims are now very sad to say that they debate and say that the Muhsin wasn't present. They neglect his presence and they neglect his martyrdom even though al-Muhsin was there. But the whole reason why they neglect that the Muhsin was there is because Fatima al-Zahra al-salaam attacking her door was an unjustified thing. So the only way to get out of it is to deny the whole thing, to deny it all. So they denied that the Muhsin was there. But the Muhsin, he was just there to show the infallibility, defend the infallibility of Fatima al-Zahra and Imam Ali al-salaam. Just like how in Karbala today you see his nephew Ali ibn al-Hussain, Ali al-Azhar, he was also there in the Battle of Karbala. He was inspired from the Muhsin and the Muhsin al-salaam, from him being just in the womb of Fatima, shows to the whole world the evilness of people, what they did to Fatima. Any lady today, she's in her home and she gets attacked. Okay, you can say what did she do, what happened? But her being pregnant and attacking her and causing her the miscarriage, the world today would stop against that and say, what does it have to do with a baby? Why? He's a baby, he doesn't know what's happening. You want to kill her, let her give birth and then attack the house. But you know she's pregnant and you know she was behind the door. So that shows just by the Muhsin being there, he defended Fatima al-Zahra'a, the infallibility of her and the infallibility of Amir al-Mu'mineen. So back to, slightly to Karbala, Ali al-Azhar did the same thing, inspires him was Muhsin, his uncle. What he did was he also wanted to take a wage in the Battle of Karbala. So he defended whom? Imam al-Hussain, alaihi salam. Imam al-Hussain, alaihi salam, he is one of those unique in his oppressions because he has been present in both of the attacks, the attack of Fatima al-Mu'mineen and the attack of Abdullah al-Rali'ab. So let's go back to the miscarriages, Fatima al-Zahra, alaihi salam, it has been documented that the martyrdom of Fatima and the martyrdom of Abdullah al-Mu'mineen was because of the attack. Some people say no, it's not because of the attack. Fatima died because she cried and weeped that her father passed away. That was part of it. But Fatima al-Zahra, alaihi salam, died because of the miscarriage, the causes that affected her, the pain that she had in her. Even that when Imam Ali put her in the muhtasal, he was washing her before he buries her, he saw the bruises on her body. And then he noticed that there was a rib broken that she didn't even let him be aware of. So there is causes of the death of Fatima al-Zahra, it's not just because she weeped and cried on her father. One was a miscarriage. And that is something very big because nowadays when a woman gives a miscarriage, she goes through a lot physically and emotionally. How about if that what she went through causing her the miscarriage was because of violence, because of her being abused and hit. Now let's refer the miscarriage that has happened to Fatima al-Zahra, alaihi salam to what we see women nowadays when they go through miscarriage, just look at her emotional, her physical body. Let's talk more about the scientific things, her hormones, what they go through and how she feels. Just for the viewers and for us to understand and know what Fatima al-Zahra, alaihi salam went through. Well in today's psychology and with research that's been done, it is quite common to have miscarriages and some of it's known, some of it's not and it's usually in the first trimester. Beyond that it actually can be even more sort of like hurtful and harmful for the actual parent mom that's going through it as the time is a lot more and is a lot more sort of like apprehension that thinking that yes this is going to really happen because they say the first 12 weeks is the most detrimental and you have to be careful and once you pass that then yes you're safe. But it is happening a lot and whether or not it's in the first 12 weeks or after, of course there's psychological effects, of course there is and a lot of people actually don't give that much support even in the medical sort of industry after miscarriages and the effects okay might be physically they can see to them and you know they will be given all the support and medication whatever they need but emotionally and mentally it's very difficult and it's not just for the mom you have to also give credit that you know the father also goes through it too because they don't actually know what to do and what the emotions are and how to deal with it and they actually do have the trauma as well and it could cause stress and anxiety, fear of having children again or something that blame on themselves right you know so things like that is something that you really need to consider and you know people do need to seek support and help for that too because it can affect them later on and it could actually you know your body changes anyway and to go through something because your body is used to the hormones of pregnancy and at the time of the miscarriage or a silver it stops it does so that when it stops it just changes just the way she feels her mood so all that Fatima Tazahra went through absolutely you'd go through that with the you know like you said the scientific and the medical things that is like you know basically inevitable but on top of that you know not even considering the oppression that Fatima Tazahra had to go through but just talking about today's you know sort of situations just knowing that that was an experience it is really it's stressful it's actually something that can give lack of confidence in you carrying a child depending obviously on the situation but there's a lot of research that shows that it happens without most people knowing the reasons why that when it happens when you don't know why you know you say it's from God Allah whatever Allah wanted but when you know that there was someone it was a reason there was a reason it's much more it's much more hurtful because then you do feel more of the death it feels also it's your fault because you know I stood even though Fatima Tazahra Allah wrote the script for her that Fatima this is what's gonna happen and the Rasulullah told her Fatima this is your role this is what's gonna happen and she knows but still at the time she feels like I lost that my Muhsin and I stood behind the door and he was hit he was squeezed because she positioned herself in that way yes of course we're gonna obviously put blame on ourselves and women today that are dealing with miscarriages they're actually quite you know strong about it but they're also the fact that people say that don't mention anything before the 12 weeks so that when they actually go through a miscarriage within that time it's difficult yeah because it's hard to come up to you and tell you how's your baby and it's not there it's not there or even people that are not aware that you're pregnant in the first place and then you're going through the whole experience of pregnancy and going through that without people even realizing that you were pregnant in the first place unless it's obviously your close family and you know and most people say don't say anything in the first 12 weeks even when you go to the hospitals they even say that it's not just in the communities you know but it is something that but the baby Muhsin he wasn't 13 weeks no it was much much more older six months of pregnancy is a lot of course that is a lot of pain I mean when you go through a miscarriage the baby's formed and you're like nine weeks I mean the pain is less yes then you go to a miscarriage or a still birth when the baby is big you have to give birth to a dead murdered baby exactly and then Muhsin alaihi salam he was murdered it wasn't that it caused a miscarriage like that automatically because Allah wanted in her home was stopped it was because she was hit behind the wall and squeezed harder and when Omar kicked the door the door slammed on Fatima's stomach alaihi salam so that slam caused her the biggest miscarriage and the squeeze on top of it so basically Fatima's a lot of salam went through a murder miscarriage yes but at the same time when women they feel the miscarriage they feel like I lost everything in my life yeah they go through depression but when you just go back and remember what Fatima's a lot of salam went through I think Allah subhanahu ta'ala he put those role models for us of course calm us down to be like you know what I don't know went through the pain and she is Fatima who am I Fatima's a lot she was not 16 weeks pregnant not three weeks pregnant much months yes that's why we call her the role model for many reasons because people go through things like I said even in this day and age thinking that it's only me but we don't realize that we actually teaching others around us we can be the role models for our sort of challenges that we face we can you know talk and speak or give support to people that are nearby us because it is happening quite widely unfortunately you know with regards to you know miscarriages or any sort of challenge that we have to face in life so it's the way in which you look at it and how you come you come out of it and to understand it to understand that yes there is a grieving process and we're gonna sort of like disassociate ourselves maybe socially or even our relationships might suffer but if when you have awareness of all of these sort of feelings then you might be able to overcome them a lot quicker and deal with the situation a lot more healthily instead of suppressing it and thinking that I shouldn't be feeling like this or I'm just gonna keep it to myself or I just need to deal the first pregnancy that is the way it's quite difficult because you're most likely looking forward to it you're planning even if it wasn't planned you feel like oh I can't get kids of course something's wrong with me so the emotionally you go through is not just because of the hormones it's also the mental yes it breaks your self-esteem a lot as a woman you know because you you do sort of judge yourself and you question yourself and you question your body and you you question you know what exactly you know can happen and people actually I know personally in with miscarriages it's not just even that's happened once or twice it's happened like three four times so it you know with the one person and it's really really traumatic but the strength that they can come out of it is very very you know it's it's inspiring you know because the thing is life does go on and you can and Allah puts everything on us for us to keep growing and evolving and developing but we need to develop our minds and our knowledge as to what you know we're gonna suffer what we're gonna feel so that we can overcome this that's for normal women exactly have that and have them scared but we always marred her the myself and mourn on him it's because this is a very difficult tragedy the Fatima to Zahra had to go through I mean avoided should have been avoided shouldn't have happened in the first place she is everything the baby is not any other baby he's the son of Ali if he was to be born he would have been an Imam of the Zaman so all the mourning that we do it's just like today if you hear on the news a woman okay being murdered someone comes and murders her child and kicks her in her stomach and she's it's still shocking the world people will be like why what happened what's the reason people would stand up there talk people on media would be it would be the biggest story ever like it would be something that shocks the world so how about if it was Muhsin the son of Ali ibn Abi Talib and Fatima to Zahra and he is not a normal baby to be murdered at the age where he doesn't even know what's happening they came in for what for for money for something to do with politics business caliphate whatever it was what does the Muhsin have to do so when people that are not Muslim come in to find out about Fatima to Zahra and they be like okay what's the story of Fatima what's the story of Ali why did they come to the door what was the attacking about okay caliphate yes business yes money okay what else but then they find out something more but it was pregnant they'll be like oh if you say abusing a woman hitting a woman they'll be like okay he did that but when they hear about the baby yeah they'll be like okay just because he killed her baby then that is something big I'm converting to Islam or Islam has something to do with Fatima to Zahra it has something to do with humanity of course so and also we need to also learn that Fatima to Zahra through all the oppressions that you've just you know reminded us that it didn't stop her from using her voice it didn't stop her from you know sort of claiming what Islam needs to be you know she stood up and women today need to do the same yes we need to show and be heard our voices absolutely we should not really let anything or anyone hold us back from the justice and from the rights that we have and this is what we need to learn and take away from yeah that was a very nice point what you said about having her voice because Fatima to Zahra alaihi salam when she had the miscarriage and when she her rib was broken she didn't close the doors and like that's the end of the world she went out she gave a speech about Fadak which is another topic that was taken away from her then she she used to do chores at home she's to still cook for Imam Ali and Hassan and Hussein and do all the chores for a couple days until she passed away that even Imam Ali did not know that her rib was broken like she didn't show him what she went through it wasn't just a miscarriage that was one and on top of that her rib was broken she didn't show it to the family nowadays us as human we can't do that we have to take it out we have to show it we have to cry weep scream I lost the baby complain God yeah what was good what am I going through take care of me I'm depressed take me out do you know that depression that a woman goes through after a miscarriage it's very hard she she wants to go out but the same time she's tired when she's out she feels like okay I still not I'm not out of this depression she remembers back what's happening even though if she had like four children I've seen women who have like more than one child yes and she has a miscarriage it's like you have kids but just the physical thinking the mental thinking about I lost something is very hard it is and we need to not make ourselves be defined by anything that we go through that is true but look at how we use it and then we compare it to Fatima to Zahra she used the she still gave the meaning and the purpose of what we need to stand for and that was that is why she's a role model exactly of Nisa Al Alameen, she's the leader of the women of all times not just Alamoha not just the people around her in her lifetime she's a role model for us and she's the role model for the generations after us we can always refer to Fatima what happened to Fatima to Zahra alaihi salam and what she went through so that was a very nice point of view which you pointed it out thank you let's now move to the onto the one-to-one segments Salamu alaikum sister, thank you so much for joining me today in the session and you're gonna be talking about miscarriage so firstly could you be able to give us a little insight of the experience that you had when you first heard the news? It was just the most heart-wrenching experience in my life and I just remember when it happened I just sat there and I just stared into space I couldn't believe what I was hearing I was about seven weeks into my first pregnancy when I started to feel a lot of pain and the one day I found that I was bleeding very heavily my husband took me straight to the doctors and the scan revealed that there was a strong heartbeat but there was a tear in the sack and basically the doctor came in and told me that there was a chance that I could miscarry my baby and I just carried on as normal I just told myself oh it's only a chance everything will be fine I've done everything right I've been a good mother but a few weeks past and the pain increased and one day the pain was just so much that I ended up in hospital again and this was when the doctor came in and told me that my baby had passed away I don't even remember what he said after that I don't even remember him talking about the options I just remember like just wanting to pass out I don't think if my husband wasn't there beside me I just I just would have blacked out and not had a clue what was going on it's an incredible stress on anyone to be going through something like that and I just want to learn a little bit more on the feeling that you sort of took with you from this experience I just blame to myself from the moment you know that you're pregnant you just think I've got this little baby that is my responsibility that I have to protect I felt like I'd let my child down I thought of everything that I'd done and I was just examining everything to find what I'd done wrong and even in my mind I felt like my husband blamed me as well even though he didn't and I should have just talked to him but I just shut myself away so could you explain the reasons why you would feel that you actually to blame for this it's just the fact that I was this baby's mother and this baby had not even been born yet this baby was in my stomach and I was providing it with everything that it needed until it was born that was my job to do so automatically I just thought that it was my fault even though it wasn't it was just one of these things that just happens for whatever reason it was nothing to do with me there was nothing I could have done differently that would have changed all of this so what advice would you give somebody who probably recently going through something like this from your learning so far what advice would you give them to sort of maybe not have those feelings and and move forward I definitely just speak talk as much as possible even if it takes you a bit of time to open up but especially you know with your husband because at the end of the day they've lost their baby too they're hurting as well and just confiding in that somebody it just takes the weight off your shoulders and it helps you to see past the bubble of grief that you're just engrossed in so other than communicating with someone close what other tips would you sort of suggest I think you know one of the most powerful things we can do is just reflection and you know when I think of part of the Sahara and a haslam when I think of her losing her baby the way that she did you know that was said more than alaihi salam that was a human being with potential who could have done amazing things the fact that say the father she she didn't say to Allah she didn't say why did you let my baby die why did you let this happen to me you know he could have been this he could have been that she just trusted on lost upon what I know she knew that Allah was the best of planners and despite how awful and how painful the whole thing is you know she just carried on because she knew that she knew it was Qatar and she knew that ultimately Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala would give her something better than what she is lost that is his promise to us in the holy Quran yes I mean everything that you've highlighted is exactly what we need to remind ourselves and it's easy to say but when you go through it it's very difficult to actually take those situations from the past and relate that to our current situation so could you give us something a little bit specific as to what you've done in order to bring you to a place of believing like that and thinking like that and and actually practicing something like that I guess just I've just been persistent with just making my prayers and my doors to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala and I've just seen how those prayers have just changed me and I see the way that so often Allah saved me from things we say in Duaqa mail like how many trips have you saved me from I've started to see those things so clearly now and I look at what he is given me I look at how the Ahubayt alayhi ma'salaam have just been there for me and they've just always answered whatever need I've had and I just think to myself you know how can how can things ever be terrible when I have these things in my life when I know that I have them at my back you've highlighted some amazing points and what I can pick up from is the fact that you have given yourself the strength from the strength and the teachings of the and I think that it highlights that we are definitely you know in in a religion that gives us the guidance and that gives us the answers and you can actually overcome adversity and challenge and what you're saying to me is that even though it is something that's so tragic but you can actually build strength from it you can evolve and grow and develop and the fact that you're here sitting sharing your story that is so painful that someone who doesn't have the opportunity or doesn't have that inside already you're actually highlighting to somebody that there is hope and there's a second chance and you can actually move forward is there any other feeling that you can actually give us from the teachings of Fatimah Sazahara that you know can actually take us to a level that particularly in miscarriage and for you personally that could actually if someone was listening right now what would be the one thing that you would actually say to them. The thing with the miscarriage of Sayyid al-Fatima alayhi salam is she lost her baby in the most violent of ways and I myself thank God that I didn't lose my baby in that way because I just don't know how I would have coped. The thing with the lady Fatima teaches us is that she it's okay to cry it's okay to grieve and to wail but the main thing is is that you stand up against injustice her baby was murdered yet instead of hiding away she went back out into society she confronted the killers of her child and she was defiant in their faces and in a way you know I just hope that I can be defiant even though my story is so different to hers I just hope that I can just look at life in the face and just say to you you are worthless this whole world and what it has to offer me is worthless because at the end of the day I'm not I don't belong here I was created for something better and I'm just on a journey here and anything that Allah Sopana Wa Ta'ala gives me is a blessing. That is amazing and so is inspirational as to everything that you've said and everything that you've highlighted and I'm sure that everyone that's listening you know has just gained so much sort of like motivation that even from something this tragic that you can actually move forward and you can actually you know have faith and belief and strength to actually carry on so how do you think that for you personally at this very moment in time especially psychologically where are you at at this very moment I'll never forget my baby because and that's okay yeah I'll never forget my baby you know sometimes I still you know I have a family I have children now and I'm very happy sometimes I will think of that baby that I lost and think oh what if what if but I just think to myself you know maybe father Matta Salam is taking care of that baby for me and one day inshallah through her intercession like I'm really united with that child in Jannah inshallah and I think that it brings so much hope to people that are going through the situation to know that you know the life still carries on and the pain it will still be there but it will be something that you can cope with and you can keep the memory it doesn't need to disappear there's nothing wrong in still having that memory of that child but you have it in a healthy way and to actually celebrate the fact that you were given that situation in order to build yourself to continue with your faith and to increase in your iman and I think it's it's so inspirational and it's so so brave of you and I really appreciate the fact that you have come here today to have this session and speak about especially something this tormenting and you know it's very difficult to even talk generally let alone to share this but I know that you have a much higher purpose in you sharing your story so that people are aware of the situation and how they can learn from it and grow from it so I just want to thank you so much personally and from the channel that it's an amazing session and you've given us so much light and hope and I wish you all the best inshallah you take care and hopefully we will speak soon thank you so much thank you so much for having session today so welcome back viewers that was very sad breaking heartbreaking to hear a story like this even though when I look at it I feel like she's not the only person out there but it's that people are shy to talk about it and they feel ashamed to talk about it or they don't want to talk about it I mean when one has a miscarriage she thinks she's the only person but when she hears about other people's stories she just goes like oh wow I'm not the only one yes a lot of women do feel that you know they don't want to speak about it because other people don't understand and they can't relate and they have to speak to somebody about it that actually went through it but it's not about that because in every sort of grieving process or any sort of tragedy there is the same sort of like process that happens with yourself I mean first is the short-term sort of you know effects and then you have the long term effects and obviously with miscarriage the short term is the physical side of it you know trying to deal with that and trying to get your yourself back to feeding normal again or you know getting rid of maybe whatever pain they might be and getting your body back into a healthy sort of state and then the long-term effects obviously is the psychological effect of how does that you know make me feel now about it how does it make me feel about myself and how do I move forward from this and that has impact on your relationships and your the people around you and you sometimes can be a bit you know withdrawal you know from you know trying to like open up a little bit and you sometimes confused even it is not even a set feeling because it is quite strange yeah so people just feel like you know they don't want to talk about it but once you talk about it you're taking it out from your heart out from your mind you're taking feedback from people you go through you hear what people have went through it's not only you I mean I understand what you're saying about talking about it but you have to be careful who you talking about because they are very judgmental and they may not say the things that you need to hear and it's not about having the sympathy most people that come with these issues especially with life coaching is because they want to just be heard and they just want to be understood that is think they want to be heard yes and they they need to be understood so it's not about giving even your view and your point or your advice we don't really do that it's about just drawing out what they feel and having them work it out for themselves as to how they will go through it because even two people going through the same sort of miscarriages will deal with it differently there's different scenarios and different situations and that can actually make it worse because you thinking well why am I not feeling so you know positive or optimistic about certain things in life and she is because that could bring something else so you got to look at it from your situation and the only time you can actually do that is if you should seek like professional advice and help and people think that miscarriages come in and you don't need that sort of help but actually it does actually work so you as a life coach someone comes up to you as I had a miscarriage it's my first baby I was very excited about it it was hard planning it so people have a hard time to plan a baby yes once they get it it's just like oh my god what are the steps you would give to them that would calm them down and make them look at it in a different perspective it's a whole lot of questioning as to where they want to get to the space that they feel right now it's it's a whole session a series of sessions to be honest about figuring out like you know how do they feel first of all right here right now you know having that impact but then trying to create a new meaning for it trying to create and build something that will take them to the next level and also to figure out where they want to go to because a lot of people don't understand where do we go to next and for each one it differs so it's not it's normally about firstly building that rapport that can open up to you and then you know asking them about figuring out who and what they are and what does it mean for them to be in the situation yes you know it's very hard for each one it's very separate and but I think it's really really good to have that because they have the space just for them right and they have that you know that awareness that is only about them and that's what they need it needs to be just about them it's not about so showing sympathy it's about just having empathy like trying to put yourself in their shoes but allowing and giving them the space to do that in their own time and the way in which they want right you know because a lot of influences from our family and friends will be according to what they think should be you know and they might not be comfortable even saying things you know in that space because they think that oh well you know that's just my mom that's my cousin okay you know they're just talking to me yeah well they want it to be where they might want you to make a decision for the rest of the family instead of for you right you know so it's it's the one-on-one is so so it's like it's such a big impact on a person that just when they really are heard solely and it's about them and they given that they feel a lot better and you know we we're a catalyst for whatever transformation they want to make in their lives but at the same time we with them through the journey genuinely authentically without judgment without biasness we don't even have to know the whole situation it's just taking it from here now you know with counselors they want to go back and you know they want to sometimes you know analyze the past and people don't really want that they can be traumatic from that you know you just want to be in the moment and move forward you know and then create to like give your advice isn't help you listen to you it's not so much advice it's more about like you figuring out for yourselves because we all have the answers for ourselves even with children they have the answers you just got to open it out for them because they're more likely to take it their own advice than someone telling them they're more likely to actually say it when they figure it out for themselves so you know that's basically how life works is when you be able to do things that you can actually you know make changes with the opening that someone can help you do you know you gotta you know open up to somebody and then they challenge you with whatever you're thinking and feeling and then that becomes something that you can discover so it's like a journey that you're going through with when you're in a life coaching session it's quite inspiring it's quite you know it's it's it's an amazing experience that only when you sit in the session then you realize what it actually brings to the table mm-hmm so I really like the points that you highlighted and I really think that we should along with the points you highlighted as a life coach and experienced one we should also go back and see what Fatima Tezahra alaihi salam went through the pain she went through the experience she went through it was very harsh especially that her mother wasn't there you know a lot of females they have miscarriage their mothers there but her mother wasn't there her father wasn't there and mama Ali was there as a host supporting husband but as you said that a man he goes through a lot too and she knew his role was to be patient so she didn't want to press on that and tell him Ali this is what happened to me this is what they did because that's just like telling your man go out and take revenge yes so she didn't have her mother she didn't have her father and she had to keep it inside of her and that is one thing that we should think about you know oh I'm blessed I have a life coach I can go to and talk to about I have a mother I have friends I have family of course and always always go back to all those ladies out there who have experienced a miscarriage or are going through one yeah I think definitely just go back to Fatima Tezahra alaihi salam and just see what she went through the pain the depression the loss of a baby so that is something that on a Fatima day we should always go back and remember Fatima Tezahra alaihi salam and what she went through I'm your host Daal Makhzumi and thank you for watching see you next time if you've been affected by the following topics raised in this episode please contact your local GP or Fahima Muhammad on coachfm1athotmail.com