 I cannot name my character cliche canon characters from other systems. My thief is prohibited from speaking solely in Kant. Character descriptions cannot contain two of the following words, Slavic, tone-dead, karaoke musician. My superhero strength is not classified as snazzy, nido, or bodacious. I am not too sexy for the elf, too sexy for the elf, so sexy myself. My third edition red wizard is not allowed to start a business named Thaco. I cannot forge a one-sword of Brad's men max paladin monk slaying. The following weapons are not legal choices in a duel, steamroller, nerve gas, landmine, midget. I cannot whine about the crappy selection of magical bec-de-corbins. My paladin's heraldry is not a smiley face. My anti-paladin's heraldry is not Mr. Yuck. If at any point, if my dwarf takes on the mannerisms of macho man Randy Savage, he dies. If the party always starts the adventure in a tavern, I cannot opt to start an abrothel. I am not the patron saint of common sense. There is no prestige class drich slayer. They do not make heavy weapons and pump action. There is an upper limit to the number of bozo booster-gangers I can get in a Volkswagen. If the weapon is capable of sticking vampires hiding behind engine blocks, I can't have it. No matter my alignment, organizing halfling pit fights is a violation. In formal introductions to royalty, I must not introduce my companions as just the other guys. I am not the master of the low blow or the gang up. If I get that yugo up to 120 miles per hour again, that's gonna get some paradox. Druids are not against my religion. I cannot convince the solo he had the cortex bomb when he really doesn't. I cannot insinuate elf tricks are all easy, even though you never hear about a half gnome do you? I am forbidden from monologuing. Troll bubblegum, bad idea. My last wish cannot be, I wish we were playing another game. I cannot use my time machine to hire Hitler or Hooker in 1920, thus avoiding World War II. It is allowed to spontaneously check if the elf can take a punch. There is no such thing as monofilament to floss. I am not allowed to do anything that would make a Sith Lord cry. It is not possible to recreate any scene from Doctor Who and Krenos. If I am the medtech, it is generally assumed I am going to have skill in medicine. My character does not get D-34 hit points a level. My Sameti is required to have dots and obstrucate, plural as in more than one, two more than none. My character has no need for 24,000 cartons of cigarettes, especially in a neighbor's garage. Not allowed to use more than three words per game of the GM has to look up the definition. My bard cannot play or is ever heard of the Theramen Digiridu or Glass Armonica. My rocker boy cannot play or is ever heard of the Theramen Digiridu or Glass Armonica. Any character with more than three skills specializing in chainsaw is vetoed. Cannot use the Jedi mind trick to get out of a speeding ticket. Not allowed to give quicklings Mountain Dew. Cannot cast haste on the king during a long-winded speech to give him the hurry to hell up. Not allowed to taunt the rest of the party in eight different languages because they forgot to take any. Not allowed to attend any opera whose name the GM confuses with a strip joint. I cannot keep selling that creepy guy's always-naked elf chick to nomad every chance I get. If the king rewards me with a forest, I am assumed he intends for me to keep it a forest. There is no halfling god of growing shots. If a blackout requires me to impersonate an employee, I cannot build a target for overtime. Superfluous man is not a viable superhero concept. I am not the boogie-woogie-boogle-boy of Gundam Wing Z. I cannot order the druid to transform and roll out. If the other party members forget to take any food prep skills, not allowed to let them starve to death. I cannot blow five paradox in a police lineup, the Candy Isle of Kroger's, the Miss America pageant. I cannot create a superhero that can palm the moon. The following cleric domains do not exist, wet t-shirts, atheism, keggers. I cannot wish nobody else gets wishes. There is no such thing as Skyclad Armor 5. My Highlander's name cannot be McCammer. Gnomes do not have a racial bonus in Bobsled. The barbarian's name does not translate into screams like sissy little girl in my language. When the GM forces the plot, I cannot make tutu noises. Not allowed to attempt to kill the hut by pouring salt on them. I cannot use the time machine to go to ancient Greece where all the women were leather clad oiled down with big bosoms. It is soon my mech warrior knows at least what one of the buttons in his cockpit does. At the end of a black ops, I cannot crank call C SWAT on the target phone. I cannot yell free bird every time the bard makes a perform roll. Mr. Welch is not allowed to speak in third person. My character cannot hear the soundtrack. I cannot derail the adventure for a two hour in character discussion on the qualities of rope. Our best left the character with skills in medicine. No skill allows specializing in defense and illustration. No matter how smart I make my animal companions, he cannot take the tax accountant skill. I cannot commune with the gods during peak hours. I must remember at dinner time rock is not a dwarven delicacy. I must remember at dinner time log is not an elven delicacy. My half ogre cannot surprise the half link with spontaneous games of dodgeball. Anything the DM has to ponder the full effect of for more than a minute is forbidden. I cannot base any elf off of any British prime minister. Thermal nuclear hand grenades do not exist in any genre except paranoia. I cannot get emotionally attached to any generic non-descript unnamed NPC. Even if laughter is the best medicine it still does not restore any of my hit points. I have been assured with total certainty Ralph is not a Japanese name. When the CO asks for volunteers I cannot help others make a decision. I am not from Margaritaville and any of us that doesn't excuse the Hawaiian shirt and lawn chair during the dress inspection. No character of mine can start with 400 previous convictions for any misdemeanor. When asked for advice before a fight don't wet yourself in public as not what they were looking for. I cannot name my character after another PC already in this game. My character does not have the flaw addiction helium. I cannot figure that the dungeons we are in is the Pac-Man maze and pointed out to the rest of the party. I cannot form a huddle to discuss strategy before facing the final monster in the dungeon. I cannot take all the monsters I have killed that attack the dermis after the adventure. Clown shoes have no place in the dungeon crawl. My dwarf is not claustrophobic, likewise my elf is not agoraphobic. When my enemy blinks does not give me an attack of opportunity. I cannot make cold shots with a crucered weapon. I cannot hand out artillery flares to the bad guys of New Year's and tell them they are Roman candles. Spreads to the sea bang bang is not real German. I do not get any XP for anyone I kill by stampeding sheep.