 Your Coca-Cola bottler presents Claudia Claudia based on the play and novels by Rose Franken brought to you transcribed Monday through Friday by your friendly neighbor who bottles Coca-Cola Relax and while you're listening refresh yourself Have a coke and now Claudia It's nice to be home on a Sunday evening and not out isn't it? I've been working on my home What are you gonna do first thing I'm going to ask you to find yourself something to keep yourself busy I don't want to be busy. I want to do nothing fine Do nothing with me because I've got things to do and I need peace and quiet all things to do peace and quiet You make doing nothing sound awfully difficult and important. I'm not going to do nothing I'm going to fill out my income tax report off that it's fine for you to say off that You ever filled out one of these things Of course not. I never had any income. I don't think you realize that's how grateful you should be They're gonna take you all evening. I hope not Not if you will cooperate. I'd love to what can I do to help be quiet? Oh, I know that's asking a great deal darling But just tonight make a big effort. I'm sleepy wonderful Why don't you go right into bed and get a good long night's sleep? Without you, I wouldn't think of it. I was afraid of that. So you hurry I'll be quiet as a mouse and so buttons on all your shirt. Well, if you must To be nice and quiet, I hope all settled down Here's the blank and the coffee Blotter my Where did I put those so one on your lower lip darling No, you look lovely walking around with a button so down the middle Should I use a little white button or a great big? I am sorry. I brought it up now No, too blot David you have to make out this income tax business tonight. Claudia if it isn't in the mail tonight before midnight I'll get a nasty letter from who from the government. Oh I'll have to pay six percent interest on all the mouth do the length of time and it's overdue that all Honestly, it amazes me how you men are afraid of a silly little tax. I do not bane to answer that Better hurry. I'm getting awfully sleepy. Well, don't you want to go? No, I don't I'm waiting for you Been working on my in your income is what you get from the business isn't it? Yeah, do we have anything else? Oh, I've got a few stocks and bonds, but they haven't paid off much this year. I see what do you see? Simply we hadn't had a very good year financially, I mean then all right you've received any other income Give details on page two Been pretty good. Nothing to complain about. We hadn't saved anything No, have we what we're getting the furniture and moving into this apartment and paying the fire Managed I've kept an eye on the bank account, but it's not right to spend more than your income. We haven't ice Little money saved Say what is this all about? Nothing since you seem to think it's all right, but I but what I Just don't think we can afford an income tax this year with all our other expenses afford it or not We have to pay it how much between seven and nine hundred seven and nine hundred. I forbid it All right to the government my wife forbids it now. Are you satisfied? All right have it your way I was just trying to help go back to your buttons Please darling I'm going back. No, we'll be ready to go to bed in no time at all and through with the buttons I've sold them all how many to you don't call to sewing on buttons I must have torn off more in that sense. We've been married. I've been doing them all along Think I let things pile up the way you let this income tax business pile up. Thank you I'll just sit here watch that'll be fine, and I won't say another word. That'll be even better David I didn't hear you. I didn't say anything but David yet. I'm waiting David. What's a deduction? What's a what a deduction It's written there right there on that page. What is it you me you're a deduction is that good? It's the best thing about you. Oh But why am I a deduction because as far as the government is concerned You are an expense to me. I am Well, that's not a very nice thing to call me after I go to all the trouble of not spending a lot of money And I'm not buying a lot of clothes and going to say you like say well It's just lucky. I do that darling. Please try to understand that there's nothing personal about this as far as the government concerned That a wife it is an expense to a husband no matter how much money she tries to save him Well, it's very unfair of the government. I Suppose it's because the government is made up mostly of men. That's the reason that's it. I had to marry a woman Can't you see dotting expenses like you are profitable? No, I can't see Ever a woman gets to be present heavens help the country But you are a good expense because you're a deduction a deduction from what from my total gross income. Oh And when I've deducted all the deductions from my total gross income I pay income tax on What's left? Oh, is that how you figure it out? It's as simple as that you mean you understand Certainly, what do you think I am? I will not answer that question now. I know why you married me. It's not a bad reason Each wife a deduction. I mean if you had more than one I refuse to even think about that It would sap my strength. Oh darling. I love you too. You do Very much and I've ever told you how much this is your your big chance darling by showing me I know I'll be quiet Is bluff a deduction who Who left the dog, of course. No, he isn't Well, it's one I have over him, isn't it? But he eats he eats more than I do that unfortunately can't be helped I don't know. There's just no sense in things when you try and be legal about them Describe darling our babies a deduction. Yeah Babies. Yes. Yes, baby. Well, then don't forget to put eyes down Lucky I became a mother on time. Claudia. You are not a mother yet. Well, I'm as good as You're gonna put him down aren't you? Well, I'm Claudia we won't have a baby until the end of June. That's three and one-half months from now. Oh Well, put half a baby down. Oh, we can have half a deduction that way. Can't we? No Really, there's no system to this at all. I tell you what we'll do. We'll deduct him next year You know David, I was just thinking What? If we have six children, we'll have six deductions, won't we? We will. Well, that'll save us a lot of money, won't it? Darling, having children is expensive. You said so yourself. But that was before I understood all about income tax Now six deductions is six times as good as one deduction, right? In a way. So it seems to me that the point is to have enough deductions to deduct from your income So that you have nothing left to pay income tax on That's it, isn't it? No, no it isn't. But it must be Claudia, I want you to listen to me. Yes. Now listen, I try and get this through your head If you had so many deductions that you had no income left over You wouldn't have enough money to pay your income tax Exactly, so you wouldn't have to pay it. But that isn't the way it works. Now you get a look You get four hundred dollars to deduct for each dependent But that doesn't mean you have to spend it. Oh Now I'm getting mixed up. Only four hundred dollars. Will it cost three hundred dollars to have a baby born by a Doctor and then there are a lot of more expenses afterwards, too Maybe I better call up dr. Rowland and tell him about it See three hundred from four hundred with that only needs one hundred to go. Yes Why don't you call him up good call him up call it call him up right now. Go ahead. Go ahead Wait until morning. I guess I have an idea. Why don't you go and call up mama mama's up tonight without Louisa? Everything happens to me. It's all right, David. I know why you're angry It's because everything I've said is right and because the government refuses to see it that way It's not your fault. I'm not blaming you at all. Well, thank the Lord blessings Almost finished. I haven't almost begun. You haven't David does it take that long to do it? longer At just one more word on if you ask me one more single little one syllable question I Will not answer it understand Well, do you yes? Yes? Yes? I do That's all I wanted to know if it's that's all I wanted to know now. Let me see Where was I? You were doing deductions. Yes, I see losses from fire storm shipwreck theft or other casualties Well, what other casualty could there be? We haven't had any of those this year. Have we medical and dental expense none of those either I've got wonderful teeth Never seem to pay though does it? contributions 500 but Interest in what I've got lots of interest so you don't pay interest in things you pay them on things like Interest on a loan on the mortgage for our house. Oh Oh, darling, I love being a deduction. Let's go to bed. I'll be finished in just a little while now darling Just just a few minutes if you're absolutely quiet Well, that's worth being quiet for Say David will explain me what's a mortgage the mortgage I I had to mention the mortgage David what's the matter? Why shouldn't you mention a mortgage a mortgage my beloved deduction is a Long long story. Yes, so take your choice. Is it a mortgage or bed? These broadcasts. Oh, yes, David tell me have you ever tried explaining income tax to your wife? Oh, yes, I tried it once. I did just about as well as you did. What about mortgages? I haven't attempted mortgages yet Well, I'm afraid I'm not going to have any peace from Claudia until she thinks she knows what a mortgage is Oh, when do you think the big lesson will begin soon? Not only soon, but Monday I know I won't be able to put it off much longer than that. Well, I wish you luck David I'll meet it Claudia has a way of making the simplest things complicated and the most complicated things simple Say David when you're through explaining a mortgage to Claudia on Monday Hey, how about coming over to my house and explaining it to my wife not on your life? So long David These broadcasts are Catherine part is Claudia and Paul Crabtree is David and the entire production is supervised and directed by William Brown Maloney Suppose you worked in an officer a factory when you'd been at it steadily for some time You'd pause to refresh yourself at the coke cooler Just because you work at home. There's no reason to deny yourself the delicious refreshment of coca-cola Simply see to it that the refrigerator is well supplied a pause for ice-cold coca-cola will send you back to work refreshed Every day Monday through Friday Claudia comes to you transcribed with the best wishes of your friendly neighbor who bottles coca-cola So listen again Monday at the same time And now this is joking saying olive wire and remember Whoever you are whatever you do Wherever you may be When you think of refreshment think of coca-cola or ice-cold coca-cola makes any pause The pause that refreshes