 How can you control the experience that women have with you so that it's not just about your bank account and your height? Because we already talked about women are willing most often to fix men. So if they're not wanting to work with you, it's probably not about what you think it is. You really feel, I want to keep it real with you. I want to live better, eat better. I want to love better, sleep better. Yeah. I want to feel so aligned. So have you ever heard the term save yourself black man? I have. Okay. What do you understand it to mean or to like represent? Is that with the whole initiative of if the black women aren't going to do it then go to the ones that will? Okay. Yeah. So men are going to like Asia and South America and this, this and that. So I've been trying to, I've been having two conversations. I've been telling the women, hey, your best and brightest are leaving. So you all need to get your shit together. And I've been telling the men that if we, if we do our due diligence and understand the context that we operate in, we should be so quick to leave, right? We need to fight for our community. So like, what are your thoughts on these men going somewhere else? So I have, I have mixed feelings. I feel like I feel that we should go in places where we are appreciated, valued, understood, all of those different things. I do believe in the necessity and the importance of, you know, black families and that kind of thing. And I do think that it would be nice to make it work with black women. I think that would be ideal in my head at least. But I do feel like similar to how you're probably feeling about the men, I feel like black women have to do better too. I say this, I feel like women in general, I feel like have ruined dating. I feel like that might be a hot take. Take it. Take that shit. Go ahead, take that shit. Go ahead. I think that in general, people, people teach other people how to treat them. And I think that, okay, so you've probably heard this before that women are, women control sex, men control access to relationships. I believe that women are supposed to have more control over relationships than what we are currently exercising. Say more. I think one of the benefits when you talk about the benefit of being like a feminine woman or being, you know, a confident one, or like any of the things that you would associate with a good woman or a desirable woman, those have the ability to shift energy, to move rooms, to influence behavior. And I feel that we're not taking that power. And it could be because there's a lack of femininity and there's a lack in, you know, those traits and characteristics that have the ability to do that. But I think for women that have those traits, they're allowing men to do things without there being responsibility attached to it. So like, I'm all for the whole idea of like being submissive and all that, but there's responsibility attached to a man that has a submissive woman. Okay. So if it were that whole like leader, like a man that is a leader, that implies that he knows where he's going. That implies that he's able to take me on a path that is filled with purpose. And so if he is not in alignment with that, he can't take me there. So us women, we have to one be intentional about who we're seeking after. But then two, if we find someone that, okay, he's on the right path, he's on the right track, he has the ability to lead, we have to make sure that we're positioning ourselves in a way where one, we're not causing him to derail himself from whatever that is that he's trying to lead us to. But then two, that we're just in a position to be able to like receive that and to contribute towards that. And we prevent that from happening when we accept foolishness. So I believe that most men don't just have like this innate desire to get married. Like most men, I think are okay if like you get married or you don't. It's like, it's cool. I mean, you know, I think women lead that front. I think most men would be okay with the situation ship where it's like, we just kind of see each other, but like, it's no strings attached. Relationships happen when women put pressure on them. Or when they put some sort of boundaries around what is required to have access to me. And that's the part where we're dropping the ball. Because if women in masks said, you won't just sleep with us without a commitment, you won't just, you know, I'm not even taking you seriously or cutting off other options until you take me seriously and present me with the ring or present me with, you know, some extended form of commitment. If women, if all women said today, we're not doing that anymore, men would, they would get on board. I'm halfway. Here's the thing, right? Here's the thing. Let me not even say halfway. It's like six, 70, 30. I mostly agree with you. I think what's tough, though. And you mentioned in the beginning, some women go after projects, right? Because they want to kind of take pride in or take ownership and I made you right. Like the Kisha K or I turned this guy into this guy. So I'm not going to talk as much about them, even though we could, I want to talk more about the women who get with a quote unquote good dude, dude whose train is going in the right direction and they question him every step of the way. So it's almost like there is a, from the male perspective, there's a sense of like, you're coming in this in bad faith. Like as much as I've done to prove myself or to build myself or to make sure that I'm going in the right direction for myself, there's still a condescending, you don't know what you're doing dude, right? And that's what I speak to more so because I'm more so like that guy versus the guy who needs building. But it's like even doing all the right things, there still is that pushback of, are you sure we're going in the right direction? And I end up telling people like, was I going in the right direction before you got here? And if I am, why do you constantly question me? Even though I've proven to you at least every step of the way that I know what I'm doing. So why is it that even with the quote unquote good dude or Russell Wilson or, you know, there still is that sense of you a little boy? I think that in those situations, like, definitely some healing needs to happen. I think that I believe most issues that arise in relationships are as a result of trust. And it may not be that she doesn't trust him. It may be that she doesn't trust herself. I mean, because we have to think about it. So like, even when we think about children, when we think about like, the idea of secure attachment with kids, you know, the idea is like, okay, if I have this child and then I leave the room, does the child feel secure in the idea that I'm going to come back? And I'm going to care for this child, you know, adequately. And so you see a difference in behavior from children that have like an insecure attachment versus that attachment that we just talked about, like a secure attachment. I think the same thing happens in relationships as we're adults. So that same tendency that we had as children where we didn't feel securely attached to our parents or our caregiver, we translate it over into relationships because typically how we show up in one area translates to other areas. So the person that you are, and if you're not trusting in your relationship, you're probably not trusting in friendships and in business partnerships, like it tends to translate across the spectrum. So I think that we have to get to that trust factor. And then when we talk about trusting ourselves, so like I said, it may not be that you don't trust him and maybe that you don't trust yourself. Maybe you've made bad decisions in the past. Maybe you overlooked things that after the fact it was like, dang, I should have saw that. So then I'm not going to let that happen to me again. But if I forgave myself because we forgive the other person much quicker than we forgive ourselves, then moving into this next relationship, I don't have that same worry because I trust myself to pick well. So I don't need to question everything and say like, but is he really doing what he's supposed to be doing? Is he really doing what he says he's doing? Because I trust that I'm making the right decision. So it doesn't even matter about it's not about trusting him. It's about trusting me. Am I seeing things for how they're supposed to be? Am I missing something? Am I secure in this relationship? So let's talk about the other part, the builder man women. Because I think, unfortunately, I think that's because of the lack of trust. And I think because also it's easier to deal with it if a man who is not as good disappoints you versus a really good guy disappoints you. Because I think if the nigga on the street disappoints me, it's like, of course, I spread. He wasn't shit anyway. Versus if a really good dude, then you have to kind of look at yourself and be like, maybe I'm the problem. So like, what do you think is fueling women's obsession with building a man, rehabilitating men, taking men, these type of men over these type of men and encouraging that type of behavior? I believe that women have to reframe what makes them valuable. Because I think the problem is that women have placed their value and their ability to make people better, to support, to nurture like all of those like very superficial things that people correlate to women's roles. I think that women get pride out of like, I made him better, or I stuck through it like we have romanticized this whole like, right until the wheels fall off type of thing or like on this roller coaster. And I believe that if we did a better job at defining what makes women valuable, that it's not about what you can, how you can change a person. And it's more so in how you present yourself or how you present to the world. I think that it would eliminate that. Because when we think about that, if I know it's all about like what you believe that you deserve. So it's like, I'm never going to, and you're probably not going to do this either. You're never going to go to a job that's paying you a dollar an hour. Because you believe that your value exceeds a dollar an hour, unless there's some other like great experience attached to that, like you're able to essentially be mentored by someone. And so they're only paying you a dollar an hour, but you're getting all these extra benefits. When people don't know their value, they're willing to receive less. And so that less might look like this project of a man that I have to nurture and make him faithful and make him honest. And, you know, all these different things versus if I know that I don't deserve that, I deserve someone that's already coming that has done some self work that has, you know, the same integrity levels that I have that is honest, that is all of these different things. I'm not even going to deal with that man over here. Because this other man that's ready and waiting for me is right here. But a lot of women don't even believe they deserve that man that's already fixed. They believe that they deserve, they only deserve that man if they helped him get there. Because that man fixed already wouldn't choose her. So I'll build him up there and then I'll be deserving of him. You know, and I think that's a fantastic point because part of the reason why I've taken the tone that I take with women is because I understand a lot of, a lot of the bullshit we complain about, it comes from like deep insecurity. It comes from, you know, kind of like the whole nuclear physicist who went conversation and went viral. Some women don't think they deserve a good man. They'd never admit that, but they genuinely don't think they deserve a good man or, and they might frame it as the good man is boring or the good man wouldn't understand me. But deep down it's I don't think I deserve peace. I don't think I deserve stability. I'm not used to it. It's foreign to me. Where do you think that comes from? Like what is at the foundation? What is at the root of a lot of women, a lot of our women in particular feeling like they don't, the stuff that should attract them actually don't? I think that it's kind of going back to what you were saying about the whole expectation thing. I hear a lot of people say like, I don't set expectations for people. I let people be who they are. That's rooted in I don't want to be disappointed. So if I say I never had expectations, then real like, like in my head, I won't be disappointed by that person, except the lack of expectations and boundaries is what causes disappointment. So that's a logical connection that was made there. And so I think it's the same with that. It's like, okay, if I don't go after the man that, that I don't necessarily feel like I deserve, then I can't be disappointed if I don't get the man that I don't necessarily think that I deserve. And some of it is true. Like I've heard even men say they'll tell women, like, you know, I don't deserve you. Most times when they say that it's because they know that they're up to no good. So they're actually saying something that's true. And if you ever hear a man say that, then run the other way. But the same applies for women. If there's a man and for whatever reason, like in your actual, like, you know, in reality, you know, I'm not, I don't deserve him because of whatever the reason is, maybe I'm not honest, I'm not faithful, I'm not going to take care of him in the way that he probably wants to be taken care of or whatever, then that's fine. But don't make it into a thing where like, I don't understand why I keep getting hurt. It's because you're going after the type of people that would hurt you. And you're excusing that because you're saying you don't have expectations for that person, or you're saying like, I'm just trying to have fun. Dating should be fun. Like you hear people say that all the time. Dating is supposed to be intentional with a purpose in mind. All things that I do have intention behind them. So I'm not going out to eat with anybody that just to have fun. I'm not trying to do stuff to have fun. Fun to me is accomplishing a goal. No matter what that is, maybe my goal is just to relax and create peace in my mind. So any activity that correlates to that and gets me that goal, that was a fun day, even if it was just like me going to sitting and feeding ducks. That was fun because it accomplished the goal that I had in mind. Does that make sense? And I think what makes this a bit more complicated is like, on one hand, you have this idea that women don't think they deserve a lot. But on the other hand, you also have a lot of people who talk about, oh, he's got to at least make six figures and at least be six foot and at least have a six pack and all these pseudo masculine expectations have been. So like, how do we reconcile? A lot of women don't think they deserve a lot, but are simultaneously having these higher than average expectations of men. I don't think there's anything wrong with having a wish list. And I think we all have a wish list. Like we would, all men would want the 10, like she's a 10 in all areas, like intellectually she's a 10, she's sexually a 10, like all these different things. I don't think there's anything wrong with a wish list. I think it's, it's a problem when the wish list interferes with the objectives that you have for your life. And so I think that you have to be honest about which of these things, because some stuff makes sense. So like, for instance, if I'm trying to build a fitness empire, it doesn't make sense that I'm with a man that's 300 pounds, like those two things, there are mindsets probably don't align in some areas that would be necessary because I probably want someone that's going to support me as I work out or, you know, meal prepping and things. And if he's just not interested in that, then we're probably not going to be aligned in that way. But I think that other things we have to acknowledge like what's superficial and what's tied to actual purpose in our lives, like what would actually having this characteristic present in a man would actually contribute to the bigger picture in my life. And I think that's the problem is that a lot of these things that we throw out is like, okay, he needs to have a six pack and he needs to be six foot four and he needs to like, what purpose does that serve though him being six foot four? Does that serve any purpose other than talk kids? And then what, like, what does that have to do with you? Like, and they may grow up, they could be tall kids that grow up and are like, I hate sports. That's true. So then it's like, or you, you end up with these seven foot girls, like, I don't, I don't know, like, what is it tied to an actual something that would change your life or benefit you? And then if it's not, you have to have an honest conversation with yourself, like, what is it in me that I haven't healed that makes me want to focus on superficial things over the actual character traits and internal components that would be fit for like a good solid relationship. I've been telling men that all that 666 stuff is cap. What are your thoughts? Do you think genuinely women require these things? Or do you think it's just a, like you said, a wish list that they just use to kind of dismiss people? It's a wish list. And because any person that like, I think all women can attest to the fact that they are willing to bend the rules. If the situation presents itself properly, because a lot of women will say that, like, the shorter guys tend to have better personalities. They do. They tend to be funnier and like more outgoing and they'll maybe go out of their way more to, you know, do the nice stuff that women like to see on Instagram, like climb the flowers and all that kind of stuff. For the right situation, women will bend their rules. You may not be the right situation. Ooh. You may not be the right situation. Maybe that's why that's not happening for you. But like, you wanting a woman, like you not being able to get the type of woman that you want probably has very little to do with the fact that you're not six foot. I know that's hard. So, okay. Yeah, yeah, okay, okay, okay. Um, that's, that's gone. I know they're not going to like that, right? None. I think they might. I would. I think that's optimistic. Like there, you can, you can offset your deficiencies by the things that you can't control by improving other areas. So yeah, you may not, um, you may not be six feet. And if you're not, if you're not born with the genetics that would make you six foot two, it's not going to happen for you. And that's okay. But like, okay, so how do we get to increase the other things that women find valuable? So maybe that is being more chivalrous or, um, being a better communicator, because that's something that men can control. Or, um, I don't know, just like, you know, how can you, how can you control the experience that women have with you? Come on. So that it's not just about your bank account and your height, because we already talked about women are willing most often to fix men. So if they're not wanting to, to work with you, it's probably not about what you think it is. I'm going to segue this into something else, but real quick. So a woman, uh, a while back, she told me that, and I want you to respond to this. She told me that she said, to be honest, Alan, we only make rules for guys we don't like. Yeah. Like we only impose the rules on guys we don't like. That's something that, okay. And, okay. So I have this, this saying that I say a lot. It's like, um, you have to pick a struggle. Either you're going to have a terrible personality or you're going to be ugly. You can't have both. And so, you know, you, you run into that a lot. Like if, say you are at the grocery store and this woman has like a horrible attitude, you're like, ain't she ugly? She got a bad attitude. And she has the nerve to be ugly. I feel like it's, it's the same. And that's bad. So don't, don't call me. But if you're not attractive and you know that, then have a, like be nice, smile, like be pleasant because that helps you look better. Similarly, you can be a 10. And if you have a terrible personality, nobody's identifying you as a 10. Oh, that's a fact. So I think that's the, it's the same with these things. Our dealbreakers, dealbreakers, because a lot of them are kind of floating. Our dealbreakers are stronger when someone, like depending on certain circumstances. So like a man, it's, it's the same way, like a man that texts you good morning every day. If you don't like him, that's annoying. But if you like him, it's like, oh, that's so sweet. He was thinking about me. You know, like a woman that pops up with cookies at your door, if you don't like her, you like, why won't she leave me alone? But if you like love her, you're like, oh my God, like I'm ready to marry her. She's so sweet. It's the same thing. Yeah, that's fine. That's fine. Okay. So here's what, here's where it gets complicated. So in one of my previous videos, we talked about how she, she said that white men are, how did she put it? She said white men just want to love me. Meaning that in her relationships with white men, it's a lot more, they're a lot sweeter, they're a lot kinder, they're more nurturing, more catering in the whole nine. Whereas black men, it's more so quick pro quo. Like I took you out. So you got to give me some pussy. Like it's more so that, and what I was kind of telling her was, in our community in particular, we don't actually encourage our boys to be that. And even the boys that are that, we don't reward them. We don't reward that behavior. So either they go elsewhere, or they transform into a future, right? So as much as like some dude might hear this, and even a younger dude might hear this and be like, oh, since I'm not six foot or I'm not talented or charismatic, I can be nice. Knowing that that doesn't work, how can you explain it a more nuanced way where like a 17 year old, 16 year old can use it to his benefit and find success with a black woman? So for me, I believe that the missing component for a lot of people is the discernment piece. And I know that's like a very spiritual like ask thing. Talk about it. But I believe that discernment helps you. It doesn't stop you from coming across people that are not a good fit. It helps you see that they're not a good fit sooner. So when or opportunities, anything, it goes across the board. So I always say that you know, the phrase like you, you are who you attract, you attract what likes you, but you stay connected to what you're ready for. So the more work that you put in, you're naturally going to start staying connected to people that are more like you. And so there, but you have to be careful about that because a lot of your relationships are going to be a mirror for you. And so you might be working on becoming a more honest person, but if you're not there yet, you're probably going to stay connected to people that are not honest either. So if you're trying to be nice to those people, understand that they may be a little deceitful because you're not there yet. So the people that you're staying connected to, they're a lot like you. So the best advice is to become a better person because better people stay connected to better people. And there is much less danger being nice, being chivalrous, being compassionate, and all those different things to people that are better people. Not to say that all people don't make mistakes because they do, but the discernment piece will allow you to see who is actually making a mistake, who had a lapse in judgment, and who should you have never been involved with in the first place? You'll see it quicker. I think what makes that a bit complicated is if you're a dude or a woman who's committing themselves to this Afro-centric ideal of I want Black love, I think you could make a very good argument that if you have worked on yourself, you might find that you're not having as much in common as most of your brothers and sisters out here in these streets. So how, two-part question. How does one navigate that and is Black love a worthwhile endeavor pursuit ideal? So I'll just ask the last question first. I definitely believe it's still a worthwhile pursuit because I believe that it's possible still. I think one thing that you have to really think about is, yes, when you work on yourself naturally, it creates separation. So there are potentially less people that you can even really vibe with because they're not on the same, they're not the same place that you are. That doesn't mean though, like how many people do you need though to be on your same vibe? Like do I need 250 options or would three really good options be enough? So I think at some point you have to like ask yourself, am I looking for quality or quantity and then what am I actually looking for? Because yes, it makes your pool a little bit smaller, but I used to say this in college, women have to put themselves in a position to get chose. So if you're sitting at home in the quiet confines of your home and you never see men, you don't go out and you don't put yourself in a position for people to even approach you or see you or be sociable with people, you're not gonna find no matter how much self-work you do, you're not even going to find people that could be a good fit for you similar with men. If you're sitting behind a desk or you know, trying to make money and working and that's what consumes your life, you're not even going to be around the women that you would even want to take, you know, further. So you have to put yourself in position too. I think that's the other thing. And you don't need a whole bunch of options. Like you don't need 300 women to choose from. The problem is a lot of men, even if they see the type of woman that they would want, because women and women are so easily accessible, it's harder for men to make decisions on women when they see them. I feel like now it's just, it's easier. Like I already talked about, I think women have ruined dating. So it's easy if you want to have sex, it's easy. If you want someone that has no boundaries and no expectations, it's easy to find somebody like that and she will go out of her way for you. She will cook for you. She will clean for you. She won't ask for anything in return. It's easy to find those women. I think men would disagree. The reason why they're leaving is because they can't find that woman. Let's be honest though. If you wanted to, like any man watching this, if they wanted to have sex in the next 30 minutes, is there someone that they could call to do that? No. You don't think most men have a woman that they could call? Listen, listen, and this is the thing. I think unfortunately what tends to happen is, and I have to do this too, as a man, women are predisposed to only see women are hypergamous. So most of the time, proverbially speaking, most women's heads are up. So they're only kind of seeing men who are here or higher, right? So they project the expectations of these men on these men. When the vast majority of men are here, most men can't just call up a girl and get some pussy. These men. Really? Really? Not even, not even like she's a 10, but like there's not, like all men can't call a four. Really? Really. This is news to me. And this is a 10. This is news to me. For most, for most women, you can. Most women can. Even the women who don't look good, they can. Most dudes of a certain level can, but it's so many male virgins right now. It's ridiculous. Especially like Gen Z, even our millennials. Yeah. So who are these women that are threes? Who are they calling? The same dude. So see, because that means that there's a problem with the men here, like at the certain level that you're talking about. That would be a problem if men are dealing with the men that can get any woman are dealing with threes and everybody like all that's a problem. Men aren't sexually selective. That's a problem. Okay, we're about to get into some good conversation now. So, okay, here's the thing. Here's the thing. Here's what, here's what's. Because I would think the threes should be the women that like the average man, which is most people are average, the average man should be able to get the threes. If that was the case, Kevin Samuels would have never had a platform. But again, it's the wish list. I feel like threes want a 10, a man that is a 10 financially, physically, all these things. But I do, I do feel like most people that are threes, like you look at their, if they're not married, who they have children with don't tend to be a man that's a 10 in all categories, who use, if you go to, I don't know, Red Lobster, Chili's or something, and that's who you see them sitting across the booth from. Like if you're at the mall, that's who you see them walking in. I feel like. But the reason those relationships don't work is a lot of times they project 10 expectations on those dudes. So they always look down on those dudes. Those dudes are never going to be good enough. And then the worst part is, and this is going back to why Kevin Samuels had a platform, threes don't know their threes. That's true. But the fact that they had a baby with a man that was average tells me that that same man could call her and be like, I'm going to order some chicken wings, and she's going to come over. I feel like. Sometimes. But again, a lot of our women are making like this sexual selection based on just vibes, just just aesthetics, or just a fixer up situation. But I'm talking about just the average dudes, a relatively good dude, or should nine to five doesn't make that much money. No, most of them can't just call up a woman. Most of them are struggling. That is news to me. It's a fact. It's a fact. And it's sad, actually. That's crazy. And that's why I think some of them actually like save themselves in that vest. Because number one, I don't want to deal with the baggage of this woman. I don't want to deal with the baked in disrespect of this woman. And I especially don't want to deal with it because she's not that good looking, because men have a wish list. If you have women who are technically, as you put it, threes, but they are moving and having the same expectations of tens, that's not an option for men because they're going to project those 10 expectations on the men. And it's not he has to now pay Mercedes money for a freaking pidgeot. Or let me use the American Quarteota. You know, and most men are like, no, I could go somewhere else and get a better deal. Yeah, I understand that. I understand that. I do know that there are a lot of there are a lot of nice, average women too, you know, that don't necessarily have a negative attitude and, you know, all these things. I do think everybody still has a wish list. I don't think that the case that fact. But again, I do think that most women will talk a big game about they want this and I deserve this and that and the third. But if they came across the right man, whatever that means for them, though, because that's most times not well defined, if they came across women, women throw their expectations out the window all the time. And it's not necessarily a good thing in some cases, but, you know, but it's only sustainable if they know that their expectations don't meet their qualifications. Right. Because again, going back to Kevin Samuels and the dog grooming lady, she expected men to grade her on the same curriculum as she would be graded if she was a man. So she expected the fact that she now makes six figures to move her from a four to a five or five to a six. Whereas in men's book, it doesn't. And because of that, she was also looking down on the caliber of men that she actually does qualify for. So if you're not making more than her, she's going to treat you terribly. And, you know, as a result, you're not going to stick around. You know, so men are saying if the average women, because I understand I'm an average man, I make $50,000 a year. You know what I'm saying? I'm not super charismatic. I'm not super handsome, whatever the case may be. But if the average woman also understood she was average, we can live happily ever after. But if I'm average and I've made peace with my averageness, but she thinks she's a bad bitch and waiting, it's never going to work. And unfortunately, our culture is one that like, and I've tied this to capitalism, because I think I worked in marketing. There's nothing better than telling people that they deserve whatever, because then they'll spend money with you. And women have been the largest consumer base. So obviously, you're beautiful at any size. So you can buy these clothes. You're wonderful at any whatever. It's their fault. And you couple that with the fact that you can still get a high value dude to fuck you. Yeah. And that's the problem. But that's why I said like, I feel like women have to, we have to we have to get better with the boundaries and like the expectation thing, because that shouldn't be happening. Like, because it does, it creates this ripple effect of people expecting things that aren't realistic, because that is misleading to think like, well, you would, you would take me on dates and you would even bring me to meet my your parents or family funk. Like men do some crazy stuff when it sometimes they to get what they want. They will do some stuff that makes women think that, you know, it's something that it's not. And then sometimes they're honest about it. And then women are like, well, he, he doesn't know what he wants or he's going to change his mind. Like, why would he be doing this if he really felt like that? Like they don't believe what's being told to them. And so like, you have to there has to be an alignment with actions and words, because I know that people say like, actions speak louder than words. But you have to also listen to what people are telling you, because sometimes, sometimes it is a manipulation thing, but sometimes it's not. And it's just like people can feel one way and act in another way. So the best situation is when what they're telling you and what they're showing you aligns.