 Well thanks for being here today. This is not going to be a big technical talk. In fact this is the only technical thing that's going to happen is I'm going to advance the slides. But I'm going to share some stories from a personal life. I've been doing this sharing my story about mental health and that's what this is about really. This is my journey with health and happiness and that I call the the iceberg. And so I've been sharing this for about two years the story. It's it's it's highly emotional so it's not just because I'm nervous I'm nervous but it's also highly emotionally charged. I'm gonna share some things that I don't really tell people when I meet for the first time. A lot of you guys I don't know. There's a lot of other people that know me. And so anyway so I think back to third grade and Lone Grove Oklahoma. So I'm sitting in the classroom and my mom and my stepdad have just gotten a divorce. We left we were living in Arkansas came back to Lone Grove where I'm from where I held from. And I'm sitting in the classroom and I just get this overwhelming sadness and lonely feeling and that's where I met it the darkness. So when I was thinking about this talk sharing these things with you look back and in that classroom is where this all started. And I think if we're really honest with ourselves this is our life and so I call it the iceberg. So my wife gave me this idea we were talking about these things we share openly about mental health subjects and she goes it's kind of like an iceberg. You know a lot of times you hear the up and down the roller coaster of life and she goes this sounds just like an iceberg. So here's what normally here's what we share. The top of the iceberg is that the Lego movie theme song everything is awesome. You know like we see you guys today and you're like how you doing Cori and I'm like everything is awesome. You know it's sunshine and success. This is in the top of the iceberg are the things that are going awesome. It's the PR version of your life right. So that's what when you when we talk and we do chitchat. How are your kids Cori? How is it? They're awesome. They're great. Sunshine and success. How's how's work? Have these conversations yesterday at an event we we went to across the street and you know just house business. Hey it's great man. You know it's that it's that top level that you want everybody to see and I have a background in public relations journalism things like that so I'm really good and I've been practicing since I was a young man to a young boy to say to make my iceberg the top of my iceberg look really really good okay but in reality if we're honest with ourselves that's what's going on that's the complete picture okay so I realized this as I struggled with the stuff that happened underneath the service I'm gonna share those stories how I came to five years ago started on this journey how I came to be able to actually share stuff very intensely personal like I've been through a divorce I've been through depression because I was really good at showing you the top and the bottom was the stuff that was sinking me down and I think the challenge today for you from my personal experiences is we got to start talking about the stuff on the bottom there's a lot of people today you might have got here something's going on in your personal life in your family relationship you might be struggling with health your business might be sinking you might be thinking how am I gonna pay my bills I got the word camp us but how am I gonna pay my bills tomorrow and this is the iceberg this is the authentic human experience I believe is that the top and the bottom we got to talk about the top we should share the top with each other all of our celebrations all of our five percent happiness stuff we should say that talking to Brad Williams I want to ask him about his son Lucas that's the top stuff the other thing is as an aside I say are you sleeping are you still have your apparent cuz sometimes I don't always rejoice in having two little kids that wake me up in the middle of night and have fevers that's being honest right okay so the bottom stuff here's this list of things just trying to think this is for my own life but I bet you there's things here that resonate with you today anger frustration every time I've shared every single time I've shared and I did not for a long time share publicly many of our long-term customers did not know I went through a divorce and and remarried they think my wife today was the wife they might have met eight years ago because I'm really good at sharing just the top what you what I want you to see is right there but you look at that list it gives me heartburn thinking about a little bit insecurity every single day for me waking up no matter what I've done no matter what I've achieved no matter how many passing the back I get I wake up that criticism hate criticism felt failure fear you only hear the good stuff in the bio you only heard the good stuff right that our friend just shared about me you didn't hear the bad stuff right now I'm telling you like I don't need to walk out but money problems burn out that's the bottom of the iceberg and that's probably just a glimpse of the iceberg now at the bottom of the iceberg I want to point out is depression that's the scary stuff that's the stuff that I realized having dealt with depression having learned a little bit more about depression having talked to people who have struggled with it their entire lives that's the scary stuff I don't mess around with is when you get to the very bottom of the iceberg at the depths is where you find depression and even worse things and I don't mess around with that by the way so you probably think so Cory why are you sharing all this stuff today and it's because hey I want you to know something so you read my bio hear these things and you go maybe Cory's got his stuff figured out the reality is I don't okay so I share that because I've had some level of success success my definition definition of success maybe not yours but I've had some level of success that's all you mostly see because that's all I want you to see that's all people want to talk about but I share these things because about five years ago I got into a business group in Oklahoma City guys that had been there and done that built big companies amazing men some of the best friends of my life and we've met every month for three hours for the last five years sharing the depth this is an iceberg group we go down to the depths and every single time we have met for the last five years I repeat to myself over and over and over I'm not alone and that's a pretty good warm and fuzzy feeling to go man these guys who I think have everything put together perfectly have been there and done it are just like me they have the same problems with different names attached to it so the message today I want to tell you if I don't pour water on the laptop is I didn't tell you this would be a polished speech by the way but you're not alone so here's my story so I shared this two years ago and I said this is the first time publicly people have heard some of these things but my iceberg story I want to share with you today is from about five years ago where all this kind of started so five years ago top the iceberg look like this my lifelong dream was to publish a commercial book and in that year my dear friend Lisa said Wilson said would you like to co-author a WordPress for dummies book and I go I'm a dummy I love dummy books if I wanted to learn about investing I go buy investing for dummies and she asked me along with about four or five other people to co-author but so I got to check that off like oh my gosh I'm gonna go to a bookstore and see my name on an actual book and for dummies but hit a million in sales I don't tell you that to brag at all I tell you that it was a video game number for me oh my god we I got the statement at the end of the year whatever and I go we did it we did it we hit the high score you know I don't take all that money in my pocket but it just felt like it's just a video game it's just like you know I found this geeky way to find you know that my kind of game as business and we hit that and it was fun to see that on the statement I go we might have just like two dollars over but we did it and then back up buddy so that's our hit product that we've done and that launched that year that changed our business my life lots of people's lives have been helped by it huge thing that came out that year the second is we did some geeky things as a team we went on a RV road trip so we we got eight sweaty geeks and bless her heart Lisa Saban Wilson in an RV we drove from she flew to Oklahoma City and then we drove from Oklahoma City to Boulder Colorado for word camp Boulder and that's in an RV and bless her heart she still talks to me and likes me and our team but it was really cool we had a lot of fun and driving an RV in Denver is kind of interesting because every little inch that you move the RV and maybe if she was standing in the back you made her a little sick when he did that but so don't get that joke okay the last is started speaking at word camps and it was fun stuff okay that's the stuff you would have saw if you were in my life around my life watching in 2010 2011 that's what I would have catered and shared with you right here's what was really happened in 2010 so wife of seven years and father divorce the week after we came back from word camp Denver my team didn't know most of my what I would say my dearest friends didn't know for six months before that happened they didn't know what was going on in my life no one that truly cared about me knew what I was going through because I put myself into self-seclusion and pride ego whatever you want to call it embarrassment shame I didn't tell anybody what was really going on in my life and so when people go all of a sudden you're falling for divorce what's going on right okay my team didn't know for a while and then finally they did know and they got drugged along by it I I slept in our office we have IKEA furniture you know I was like I got no place to go because I'm too prideful to ask anybody to let me have their couch but we got couches at the office and that thing creaks and man I couldn't sleep right about that night it was it was interesting so I slept a couple of nights in the office here's this person that's run a business and had some success professionally I was on the height of my life professionally and I was at the lowest of my life personally absolutely miserable I love my job at I themes because I've had a different job for the last since I was 16 every two years I've had a different job until I got to I themes and I've been doing it for nine years and they haven't fired me so far but best job I'd ever had in that year I said I'd rather go anywhere else but here and it was the first time I didn't want to go to work and then first time in my life someone highly trained licensed person said you are you were suffering from he called it low-grade depression and offered to put me on on medicine and that was a that was a cold shower so there's my iceberg so yesterday one of the business colleagues and friends asked me score you know on your blog you write a lot about up and downs and stuff like that so how's everything going now and I was like up and down up and down like the iceberg doesn't change I might not be dealing with the same things I was in 2010 and 2011 my iceberg today that if we go back to that screen that talks about insecurity fear anger all that stuff it's still there I've added a new not nuance to my iceberg and that's my two lovely children they provide some of the highest highs and then I've never felt more like a failure than as a parent the parents just laughed because you know how it is never in my life have I thought I'm gonna mess these kids up forever there I'm gonna invest in money and so they just so they can get a lot of counseling forget school this resonating thank you for that so that's my iceberg so I started thinking what what held me back then and by the way what still holds me back there's still stuff in my eyes down below I don't share with people maybe one person maybe two person maybe the professionally licensed counselor that I pay that doesn't see me at Thanksgiving and I don't have to say could you pass the cranberries he may know my wife may know some of those things but a lot of people don't know there's still things down my iceberg I'm still working on man I am under construction forever I started thinking I was like okay it's ego well healthy ego is good you need to have healthy ego you need to have a sense of self-worth and respect for yourself right it goes good bag it you go when it gets into pride pride's good though right I should be proud of my team I should be proud of my children when they do things right but there's that negative side when you go when it becomes a barrier to seeking help and that's what back in 2010 I started thinking about I go it's self-defense so I somebody asked me the question why'd you do that I go you know it's really it's self-defense I I share my story part of I'm a blatantly honest with you I share my story because you won't have to dig it up to find it if I tell you I'm on the offense I don't I don't tell you things because I'm defensive about it I don't want you to know some things it makes me sweat makes me uncomfortable I've got shame pride and embarrassment guilt whatever those things these are the things that hold us back from actually living the true human experience at the max level the things that get in a way is my own self-defense mechanism that I put in front of me it was it was four months of the worst time in my life and no one knew until I go I told somebody the day when I was recounting the story I said I had to go back to being a kid and I just wanted to tell mom and dad I'm hurting and them to say I love you but it took four months of being an isolation crab because I was so prideful I didn't want people to know that this marriage was going to to the brink it was evaporating I didn't want to feel any kind of shame or any kind of the guilt I was feeling I didn't want I didn't want people to bask in that guilt that was the self-protective thing I don't want people and I don't want to feel embarrassed because other people see it and see me naked and just and just raw and everything and it's a self-defense mechanism I think there's a part of that that needs to stay there for me self-defense there's other part that saying you are not doing good and healthy things by locking this stuff up in the key met my one of my dear friends and my CEO or CEO he we're talking he recounts this quote I'm probably gonna butcher it he goes my coping I how do I deal with stuff is through a lot of unhealthy coping mechanisms I butchered that quote but anyway it's like we we find a lot of very bad unhealthy ways to cope and we lock ourselves up and we suffer in silence part of the reason why I share this message with you is because I know I suffered in silence and that many other do there's a stigma about mental health and getting help and counseling sharing the fact that I deal with depression I am menopressive I am whatever the DSM 5 or whatever it is manual you go down the list and and it's time that we embrace the human experience the iceberg and allow people to truly live life free part of that is loosening up the stuff that happens underneath the iceberg so I'm gonna share a couple things with you real quick might sound some random but as I've reflected on what has helped me and what I've cling to knowing I'll continue my my my DNA my habit my genetics tell me I know I'm gonna I'm gonna hide stuff for the rest of my life I'm not gonna share the iceberg stuff that's gonna be my first default thing is to know how to bury it show you the good face give my pocket swear all good and tight and give you a good smile that's my first but these things I'm gonna share with you are the things that I have to cling to I don't do them perfectly but I go back and go this are the things that saved my life continue to save my life the first is what I call my life support team now there's this codependency side you got to be careful of but the life support team was the people in my life when I shared what was going on in my marriage in my life embraced me instead of pushing me back and away it's the people in your life that rush in when others rush out when they see a big fire they're not standing out going look at that that's funny I love to see his misery it's the people that go I will pick up a bucket and douse water on this flame I will run into a burning building to help somebody those are the people that matter so before I tell you who they are these this this is their job description for me this is what they genuinely offer is oh they're open genuine loving their wizzy wig hey it's not gonna take thing for you they're what you see is what you get they're not trying to do a facade I'm an entrepreneur in Oklahoma City about six months ago one of the most talented designers in Oklahoma and one I've ever met probably in my life and I go he moved back from another state and I said how's things going he goes you know what this guy has known me for 15 minutes he goes I went without a paycheck a couple times this year and I just step back and I go dude thank you thank you for being wizzy wig thank for being the full spectrum of iceberg you could have said dude better than ever just score this big client over here no I went without a paycheck right so it's wizzy wig the question I asked myself is everything got turned upside down who would I need my business goes down the drain if something terrific and tragic happens in my life who am I gonna need to come in rush in embrace me and say it's gonna be okay you're gonna put one foot in front of the other and we're gonna see some light I have a dear friend who's going through this right now my experience share with him was left foot right foot left foot right foot baby steps do you remember that Bill Murray story baby steps to the bus you gotta Google that on here YouTube that because you left but a step in front of the other I said you're gonna have to take it in mourn wallow in it grieve in it be sick by it and then you're gonna have to vomit it out and take the next step the next day so those kind of people so if you're married you're dating significant other or spouse that's my first partner Lindsey everybody that knows me or my story has been saying where's Lindsey and I go you guys love her more than me and that's okay cuz I like her too most times my first lady I'm her first laddie but my first lady is the one that knows me and knows my BS and says are you okay maybe you should call Kyle that's that's our counselor that we we share knows there's little it stings cuz it's prideful and all that kind of stuff but it's it's true my first lady she's my first partner in life she knows me she loves me cares about me and me to her and she's my first support team my relationship with my wife is my number one priority in this world but besides my own health and happiness she's my number one relationship my second and if you're in in business I realized the importance of the sidekick I talked to you about Matt Daner he's my sidekick he tells me every day just by showing up I'm not alone we're gonna get through some stuff together this week this past couple weeks I had to let somebody go a family member that was a part of our team and that kind of sucks and he was standing next to me the whole time gotta have a sidekick iceberg friendships that's the whizzy wig stuff that's the let's get past the surface level stuff how you doing oh it's great oh yeah five five percent quarter over quarter all that stuff iceberg friendships the one that says I'm not gonna just gonna give you this I'm gonna give you the full picture we're gonna walk together that group in Oklahoma City some of the dearest friends in my life we are iceberg friends they call me I call them I drop it I go help them iceberg friendships nothing held back here it is full gamut also many of the dearest friendships I've held in my life have been in this thing we called the word press community they're sitting here most of them today those friendships that don't just give me top stuff they give me everything they love me and they care for me genuinely and I love and care for them and I want to give my time and and and not my treasure they don't need my money but my time and my love and affection to them sharing life together we got this hashtag family by choice next one is my counselor so I put on my calendar I realized I said I think the metric for me is every quarter I need to put on my calendar alert to say call call not even if you're dealing with some icebergs well the surf of stuff but you got a call call and you got to work on your life we have physical checkups in this in this country in the world we have there's I hit 40 last year and I didn't know this but now I'm gonna have to have all these new checks and everything and I got glasses for the first time I'm really cranky about it but we we we have physical checkups we go to the doctor and get blood pressure and all this stuff but we don't check up with here and here heart and soul mind what goes on underneath the surface so four times a year his name is Kyle and I we talked to them in between as needed yeah we're WordPress people right so we know how to probably push publish a little bit or open a WordPress admin but journaling is the private version I've been doing that for the last two years and every time I'm dealing with something real deep first I'll do is go to the journal and just vomit it out get it out then I can see it and have perspective on it and then I can go share it with one of my iceberg friendships one of my support team people journaling has been one of the most amazing way to get that's what's going on inside of you outside of you and just put it all on paper just get that poison out of you for a second look at it and go no no no no and now I understand it I'm gonna go share it with somebody else's journey there's three books that I would recommend to every single person on the face of earth access paper pixel six pillars of self-esteem do you remember that show on this on Saturday night live Stuart Smalley he looked in the mirror yes I'm good enough I'm smart enough gosh darn it people like me that's this book in the back no it's an incredible book but there's a section one of the best parts of it is this oh man there's probably 10 pages of just kind of affirmations what's so funny is you read it and you go that's this really trivial it feels like that Saturday night Stuart Smalley thing but what is so incredible is it's one of the first lines is I am worthy when the first time I I read that I said it in my mind I go I am worthy and it was so hard to read it let alone believe it the affirmations in the back of that book are worth the entire book I go back to them when I need reassurance to say I'm a value in this world I won't let others allow to project their value of me on me but starts from the middle that back section is worth the book feeling good is the next one if you battle with the depression I'm not it I'm not a trained lessons counselor at all but I will tell you this book has made a lot of difference for me I am not here recommending suggesting I'm not less I'm not a precision I'm simply a broken person sharing his experiences but feeling good is incredible there's a whole section about cognitive bias and you know when you we have a bad sales day or I get you know I'm looking at my email going servers down because we're not getting payment stuff and everything I'm like oh my god the sky's falling the sky's falling sky's falling and that's part of that cognitive bias and then I get to work and that's like Corey it's okay we're gonna make sales today you know the last is boundaries by Henry Cloud that was something I had to implement in my life here's your homework here's your homework because I was vulnerable with you today I'm gonna ask you to do something I want you to take pixel or paper I want you to write three things you're grateful for part of the top of the iceberg stuff is that we brag shared all the good stuff but we neglect something and that's gratefulness so I want you to say what are three things pixel or paper three things you're grateful for then I want you to be real about it and I want you to say what is happening underneath that surface that is affecting my life the people I love around me it could it may not have to be depression or cancer it could be I've got to make a change in a relationship I'm worried about money whatever that thing is your thing underneath the iceberg be honest and put that somewhere right and last is I want you to go now trusted people people that are iceberg people that are genuine they're whizzy wig they love me just for me they know some of my baggage anyway and they don't judge me by who are those people that are gonna rush in in your life now and maybe today you came here and need to make a phone call you need to step out of session get somewhere private and say I'm dealing with something underneath the surface and I need to talk and I need your help I would be willing to bet there's one person that needs to do that today last is brothers and sisters you're not alone it's human experience I hope I've shared that with you at least from my life opened it up I'm gonna go crash get into a ball and try to recharge after this but you're not alone thanks so we we got Q&A time if you want Q&A or if you just want to share something you don't have to ask a question they can come up to the microphone right here regardless if you guys don't come up I'm gonna be here till through Sunday probably a little bit worn out but I love hearing your stories every time I share this there's always been somebody that private message me and I go that is my mandate to continue sharing the story so sorry I don't have a question hey Corey hey ginger I just wanted to thank you I just wanted to thank you for your bravery and sharing your story with all of us here today and since you've been starting you know sharing online with us for the last over the last year or so it's a very brave thing to do and I'm sure it's touching a lot of people so thank you thanks you're hey Corey thank you hey two things one thing that my family does at Thanksgiving is we go around the table and what we're thankful for and family cannot be one of them it's just something else it's just that's this that's the cop out for everyone so we do something else that way second thing your iceberg support team that you mentioned I'm actually a friend of mine is going through divorce yep and he's actually staying at my house now friend of mine that I've known for 30 years so I'm his support team and when I was going through a breakup a few years ago he was my support team so I think it needs to go both ways absolutely so but thank you for sharing your story as well so in the book Happiness Advantage by Sean Aker he says there's this thing we did at our house need to revive it he said they did the study or test or whatever and I said this group of executives say at the end of the day around the kid the table my wife's very good about saying we need to sit at the table and be a family connected and his thing was to say go around the table and say three things you're thankful for and the uptick it's one of his Sean the happiness advantage is incredible but it would should have been in my book list but they're making me think about your Thanksgiving stuff right and what what we've actually did this year's up my thankful for is I was able to help out my friend yeah you know by him moving into our house and he since lost his job so he's you know at the house all the time I work from home which is kind of good and bad but with him there but but you know for him he's got a place to stay and actually my wife's son moved in as well so we were thankful that we were able to help people out because we have the space and the ability to open up part of why I do things like that is to remember so this talking there got people come up they go man a lot of people need to hear that they go you and I need to hear that I need a reminder this part me reminding I get my pride on everything's going good hey man next thing happened something and I'm gonna be back you know and it's a great reminder I appreciate you sharing thank you one of the things can say in this and I think I should have said this earlier and in my notes and everything but is that in this industry to tie this specifically to WordPress and web stuff is that there's a lot of remote workers now and then your introverts and you might be dealing with them and I feel like I hear a lot of stories of loneliness because there's no social interaction because you're on it behind a TV and you got to force yourself to go out and find this by the way people sitting next to you now today going through stuff don't forget to introduce yourself break into a circle and say hi I'm Corey from Oklahoma City who are you can I you know that kind of stuff but I think this is especially challenging I've heard these stories privately for many people is that because you're behind a computer desk in your home office or wherever there's in this self-seclusion talked a lot of people about that I think we were talking sharing somebody at Publish was saying yesterday how it's a challenge within our industry of loneliness I see it in our community we have a slack channel and all that and I there's a webinar going on and then the slack section they're talking about baseball and this and everything I go I get it it's water cooler it's social time and but still there's this heat thing that you have this warmth when you meet another fellow human being so I'm sorry I'm Randy or not ranting whatever hi my name is Amanda thank you Corey for your talk I thought it's just so moving and I love that you both offered this talk and I love that that it was accepted for this conference it's just not the kind of thing that you really hear at a tech conference and I love that our community is about so much more than that I wanted to just add a note on the gratitude fund is that they've actually done studies now with I think it was heart attack victims or stroke where they if they had the the folks do a gratitude practice every day that they had significantly better health returns for that so it not only just does you feel good it literally helps your body so anyways thank you absolutely it's the hardest thing to do though you know I want to wallow in my misery but when you start going I woke up this morning I'm thankful my heart beats I get to see people that love and all that stuff so good Paul I wanted to join everybody else and saying thank you but I also wanted to remind everybody that this next month is really bad for people who are alone and going through things yeah I know six years ago my wife passed away and that first Christmas was just unbearable being alone so if you know somebody that's alone or if you see somebody that's being alone especially this next month so important to reach out and I still have trouble with that but I'm better at saying what to do in reaching out to people than letting people reach out to me so anyway I just wanted to point out that this next month is really important excellent reminder thank you Paul hey Corey I want to ask you about the difference between confidence in the moment versus confident confidence over time confidence yeah confidence okay so I have been working with WordPress for about 10 years and it wasn't till about like three years ago that I actually made contact with anyone like in the community yeah over the past few years I joined some online groups I spoke at a word camp for the first time this last year I feel a lot better about I feel confident helping people that I have an answer for you technically you know with WordPress problems I can speak to you I can give a talk I can help you online but I have a really hard time putting things on record like I don't have a website myself I managed to somehow get hired without a portfolio because like I don't feel it's worth putting out there permanently yeah and I just wanted to hear if you had any advice for translating that feeling that you know what you're doing in the moment versus that it's worth worth it over time it's called that moment right there if you look around there's I'm gonna estimate to probably 150 people that's the moment you go back to okay then you take a next step and you remember that this day this moment that you stood in front of 150 people your peers your colleagues and you shared those things then you take a next step and you remember that and you rehearsing your mind and you don't rehearse the bad stuff your horse to get to use your first the fact that whatever day this Friday summer 2nd or whatever it is I stood I have a hard time as an introvert and you shared some story with me yesterday I took a moment and that's your moment so it begins today you just started it so you keep building on that I think about confidence the more I've been human and vulnerable the more human I get back not to everybody but for most people and then I know that's a test right but I think those two things is being willing to be vulnerable in that when you're ready in your situation whatever it is and then for me I'm and this is me I'm directly saying this is what I do and the second is moments like this thank you you bet hey David I think it's important that you are vulnerable sometimes and that you share what you're going through with other people do you think there's ever a time that you could do that that it might be negative for you do that like maybe it's not the best time to share yes yeah I mean I have partners in the room that just that have they've actually heard this before so but there was partners strategic partners in the room business colleagues I had to really weigh the cost benefit of saying I'm gonna share some baggage with them in front of that and I think that's a case-by-case personal decision I can't tell you what that is but I think there are things I should not say I just should not say it's not gonna be therapeutic it's not gonna be helpful or constructive right but I told people when I started sharing the talk they would go I'm so sorry you went through that and I go hold on it's been five years since that event I've I've grieved I've done my therapy I'm not doing this for therapy I'm doing this because I feel like I want to take a chance to be vulnerable that my message will help resonate with others so it wasn't for just give you know oh poor guy you went through a lot of stuff you had to sleep on the couch in the office was it that's pretty bad right no I didn't do that I've dealt with that personally right with in counseling with friendships just my heart and soul right but I you got to look use discernment I think and just say am I gonna hinder is it is it positive and helpful to share I'm saying and maybe more in this context you know but I mean with another person and I just kind of go with them if I'm hurting the people that love me most want to know I'm hurting thank you yeah I'm Michael from Vermont I wanted to just ask and kind of comment about like what are the objective circumstances behind this I think one is economic I mean I think like we have this really competitive kind of system we live under and and we're kind of atomized when we're like social animals and yet we're all kind of individuals and it's hyper competitive and I think also why is there such on that level why is there such burnout in the kind of tech community where people kind of live these lives where they you know they they work 40 hours and then they do everything else that kind of because somehow the tech community seems to have kind of demand that and so like what's what's behind that and how do we how do we get past that what's what you're sorry what do you think it is I mean I think that's I am I'm a socialist I'll be straight up I think that part of it is that we have we don't kind of share and support each other as much I think there's very much of I mean you see it right now in this country there's very politicized atmosphere and and frankly everybody goes their own individual house they have to worry about their own bills the family like we don't have as much support I think coming to a conference like this is the reason people do it is because we want that but it's not our day-to-day existence and that's why there's like the imposter factor everybody feels like they don't measure up because everybody's you know showing the top of the iceberg kind of thing and you know everybody kind of wonders like how do we how do we get beyond where we're all tweeting about how great we are and we actually have enjoyable lives yeah you know something you said I wanted to say and I forgot it's like I want to say so many times I told a couple people want to say hey 2016 you're drunk go home it's all I got yeah I think we got like one more minute if someone has a brief question otherwise Corey thank you very much for being vulnerable I think you're helping a lot of people by what you're doing not just the people here but other people that would hear the talk and I know I certainly will be recommending to a lot of my friends to listen to what you said I'm curious you know you talked about how friends have helped you was there any kind of a faith or a spiritual type experience in this as well or was it strictly just the friendships you have with people in the here and now that's a whole talk or with lots of alcohol answer suffice to say yes strong spiritual background with me specifically in the Christian faith a certain in three churches before I started I think longer conversation will have over drinks however your answer to the question is there was a faith based component to this for sure lots of people I mean somebody walked past me I'm gonna go I just want you know I'm praying for you and I go thank you God I like that who wouldn't want good happy thoughts whatever you know even if you don't have my particular God or whatever religious faith but yes there was a faith background for sure thank you