 Chapter 35 of Our Death by Marie Karelli, this LibriVox recording is in the public domain, one against many. The beautiful and socially popular Duchess de La Saintoise sat her at brilliantly appointed dinner table and flashed her bright eyes comprehensively round the board. Her party was complete. She had secured twenty of the best-known men and women of letters in all London, and yet she was not quite satisfied with the result attained. One dark-splendid face on her right hand had taken the luster out of all the rest. One quite courteous smile on her mouth, haughty, yet sweet, had somehow or other made the entertainment a little worth in her own estimation. She was very fair to look upon, very witty, very worldly-wise, but for once her beauty seemed herself defective and powerless to charm, while the graceful cloak of social hypocrisy she was always accustomed to where would not adapt itself to her manner tonight so well as usual. The author of Norhama, the successful poet whose acquaintance she had very eagerly sought to make, was not at all the kind of man she had expected, and now when he was beside her as her guest she did not quite know what to do with him. She had met plenty of poets, so-called before, and had for the most part found them insignificant looking men with an enormous opinion of themselves and a suave, condescending contempt for all others of their craft, but this being this stately, kingly creature with the noble head and far-gazing, luminous eyes, this man whose every gesture was graceful, whose demeanor was more royal than that of many a crowned monarch whose voice had such a singular soft thrill of music in its tone, he was a personage for whom she had not been prepared, and in whose presence she felt curiously embarrassed and almost ill at ease, and she was not the only one present who experienced these odd sensations, all when's appearance, when with his friend Billiers he had first entered the Duchess's drawing-room that evening, and had there been introduced to his hostess had been a sort of revelation to the languid fashionable guests assembled, sudden quick whispers were exchanged, surprised glances, how unlike he was to the general type of the nervous, fagged, disceptic literary man, and now that everyone was seated at dinner the same impression remained on all, an impression that was to some disagreeable and humiliating, and that yet could not be got over, namely that this poet, whom in a way the Duchess and her friends had intended to patronize, was distinctly superior to them all, nature as though proud of her handy work, proclaimed him as such while he quite unconscious of the effect he produced, wondered why this bevy of human beings, most of whom were more or less distinguished in the world of art, and literature had so little to say for themselves, their conversation was banal, tame, ordinary, they might have been well behaved, elegantly dressed peasants for ought they said, of wise, cheerful, or witty, the weather, the parks, the theaters, the newest actress, and the newest remedies for indigestion, these sorts of subjects were bandied about from one to the other with a vaguely tame persistence that was really irritating, the question of remedies for indigestion seemed to hold ground longest owing to the variety of opinions expressed thereon, the Duchess grew more and more inwardly vexed, and her little foot beat an impatient tattoo under the table as she replied with careless brevity to a few of the commonplace observations addressed to her and cast an occasional annoyed glance at her lord, Monsieur Le Duc, a thin military looking individual, with a well waxed and pointed mustache, whose countenance suggested an admirably executed mask. It was a face that said absolutely nothing, yet beneath its cold impassiveness linked the satyr-like complex, half civilized, half brutish mind of the born and bred Parisian, the goblin creature with whom pure virtues, whether in man or woman, are no more sacred than nuts to a monkey, the suave charm of a polished civility sat on Monsieur Le Duc's smooth brow and beamed in his urbane smile, his manners were exquisite, his courtesy irreproachable, his whole demeanor that of a very precise and elegant master of deportment, yet notwithstanding his calm and perfectly self-possessed exterior, he was oddly enough the frequent prey of certain extraordinary and ungovernable passions. There were times when he became impossible to himself, and when to escape from his own horrible thoughts, he would plunge headlong into an orgy of wild riot and debauchery such as might have made the hair of his respectable English acquaintances stand on end, as they known to what an extent he carried his excesses. But at these seasons of moral attack, he went abroad for his self, as he said delicately touching his chest in order to suggest some interesting latent weakness there, and in these migratory excursions his wife never accompanied him, nor did she complain of his absence. When he returned after two or three months, he looked more the chevalier sans pour et sans revanche than ever, and neither he nor the fair partner of his joys and sorrows even committed such a breach of politeness as to acquire into each other's doings during the time of their separation. So they jogged on together, presenting the most delightful outward show of wetted harmony to the world, and only a few were found to hazard the remark that the racy novels Madame La Duchesse wrote to while away her dollar hours were singularly bitter in tone for a woman whose lot in life was so extremely enviable. On this particular evening, the duke, affected to be utterly unconscious of the meaning looks his beautiful spouse, shouted him every now and then, looks which plainly said, why don't you start some interesting subject of conversation and stop these people from talking such everyday twaddle. He was a clever man in his way, and his present mood was malign and mischievous. Therefore he went on eating daintily and discussing mild platitudes in the most languidly amiable manner imaginable, enjoing to the full the mental confusion and discomfort of his guests, confusion and discomfort which, as he very well knew, was the psychological result of their having one in their midst whose life and character were totally opposite to and distinctly separate from their own. As Emerson truly says, let the world beware when a thinker comes into it, and here was this thinker, this type of the God-like in man, this uncomfortably sincere personage whose eyes were clear of falsehood whose genius was incontestable, whose fame had taken society by assault, and who therefore was entitled to receive every attention and consideration. Everybody had desired to see him, and here he was, the great man, the new celebrity, and now that he was actually present no one knew what to say to him. Moreover, there was a very general tendency in the company to avoid his direct gaze. People fidgeted on their chairs and looked aside or downward whenever his glance accidentally fell on them, and to the analyticalvoltaire in mind of Monsieur Le Duc, there was something grimly humorous in the whole situation. He was a great admirer of physical strength and beauty, and Alvin's noble face and fine figure had won his respect, though of the genius of the poet he knew nothing, and cared less. It was enough for all the purposes of social usage that the author of Nirahama was considered illustrious, no matter whether he deserved the appellation or not, and so the Duc satirically amused at the obvious embarrassment of the other notabilities assembled, did nothing whatsoever to relieve or to lighten the conversation, which remained so utterly dull and inane that Alvin would then compel for a politeness sake to appear interested in the account of a bicycle race detailed to him by a very masculine looking lady doctor who seated table was next to his own, began to feel a little wary and to wonder dismally how long this feast of reason and flow of soul was going to last. Villiers II, whose easy good-natured and clever talk generally gave some sparkle and animation to the dreariest social gathering, was tonight unusually taciturn. He was bored by his partner, a middle-aged woman with a mania for philology, and moreover, his thoughts, like those of most of the person's present, were centered on Alvin, whom every now and then he regarded with a certain wistful wonder and reverence. He had heard the whole story of the field of our death, and he knew not how much to accept of it as true, or how much to set down to his friend's ardent imagination. He had come to a fairly logical explanation of the whole matter, namely that, as the city of Alcarus had been proved a dream, so surely the visit of the angel-maiden Edrus must have been a dream, likewise, that the trance at the monastery of Dariel, followed by the constant reading of the passages from Edrus and the treatise of Al-Ghazali had produced a vivid impression on Alvin's susceptible brain, which had resolved itself into the visionary result narrated. He found in this the most practical and probable view of what must otherwise be deemed by mortal minds incredible, and, being a frank and honest fellow, he had not scrupled to openly tell his friend what he thought. Alvin had received his remarks with the most perfect sweetness and equanimity, but all the same had remained unchanged in his opinion as to the reality of his betrothal to his angel-love in heaven. In one or two points, that certainly baffled Billius and perplexed him in his would-be precise analysis of the circumstances, first there was the remarkable change in Alvin's own nature. From an embittered, sarcastic, disappointed, violently ambitious man, he had become softened, gracious, kindly, showing the greatest tenderness and thought for others, even in small everyday trifles, while for himself he took no care. He wore his fame as lightly as a child might wear a flower, just plucked and soon to fade. His intelligence seemed to expand itself into a broad, loving, simple, very comprehension of the wants and afflictions of humankind. And he was writing a new poem of which Billius had seen some lines that had fairly amazed him by their grandeur of conception and clear passion of utterance. Thus it was evident there was no morbidness in him, no obscurity, nothing eccentric, nothing that removed him in any way from as well as except that royal personality of his, that strong, beautiful, well-balanced spirit in him, which exercised such a bewildering spell on all who came within its influence. He believed himself loved by an angel. Well, if there were angels, why not? Billius argued the proposition thus. Whether we are Christians, Jews, Buddhists, or Mohammedans, we are supposed to accept angels as forming part of the system of our faith. If we are nothing, then, of course, we believe in nothing. By granted, we are something than we are bound in honor, if consistent, to acknowledge that angels help to guide our destinies. And if, as we are assured by holy writ, such loftier beings do exist, why should they not communicate with and even love human creatures provided those human creatures are worthy of their tenderness? Certainly viewed by all their chief religions of the world, there is nothing new or outrageous than the idea of an angel descending to the help of man. Such thoughts as these were in his mind now as he ever and anon glanced across the glittering table with his profusion of lights and flowers to where his poet friend sat, slightly leaning back in his chair with a certain half-perplexed, half-disappointed expression on his handsome features, though his eyes brightened into a smile as he caught Villiers' look, and he gave a small, scarcely perceptible shrug, as who should say, is this your brilliant duchess, your witty and cultured society? Villiers flashed back an amused, responsive glance, and then conscientiously strove to pay more attention to the irrepressible feminine philologist beside him, determining to take her as he said to himself, by way of penance, for his unremembered sins, after a while there came one of those extraordinary sudden rushes of gavel that often occurred, even the stiffest dinner party, a galloping race of tongues in which nothing really distinct is her, but in which each talks to the other as though moved by an impulse of sheer desperation. This burst of noise was a relief after the strained murmurs of trite commonplaces, but it had been the order of the hour, and the fair duchess somewhat easier in her mind turned anew to Alvin, with greater grace and gentleness of manner, than she had yet shown. I am afraid, she said smilingly, you must find us all very stupid after your travels abroad. In England we are dull, our tree stessa cannot be denied, but really the climate is responsible, we want more sunshine. I suppose in the east where the sun is so warm and bright, the people are always cheerful. On the contrary, I have found them rather serious and contemplative, than otherwise returned Alvin, yet their gravity is certainly over-pleasant, and not of a forbidding type. I don't myself think the sun has much to do with the disposition of man after all. I fancy his temperament as deeply molded by the life he leads. In the east, for instance, men accept their existence as a sort of divine command, which they obeyed cheerfully, yet with a consciousness of high responsibility. On the continent they take it as a bag of tell, lightly won, lightly lost, hence they're indifferent, almost childish, gayity. But in Great Britain, any smile, it looks nowadays as if it were viewed very generally as a personal injury, and bore, a kind of title bestowed without the necessary money to keep it up. And this money people set themselves steadily to obtain, with many a weary grunt and groan, while they are, for the most part, forgetful of anything else life may have to offer. But what is life without plenty of money, inquired the duchess carelessly? Surely not worth the trouble of living? Alvin looked at her steadily, and a swift flush colored her smooth cheek. She toyed with the magnificent diamond spray, got her breast, and wondered what strange spell was in this man's brilliant gray black eyes. Did he guess that she, even she, had sold herself to the Duke La Sant Wazi, for the sake of his money and title, as easily and unresistingly as though she were a mere purchasable animal? That is an argument I would rather not enter into, he said gently, it would lead us too far. But I'm convinced that whether dire poverty or great riches be our portion, life considered apart from its worldly appendages, is always worth living if lived well. Pray how can you separate life from its worldly appendages, inquired a satirical looking gentleman opposite. Life is the world, and the things of the world, when we lose sight of the world we lose ourselves, and short we die. And the world is at an end, and we with it. That's plain practical philosophy. Possibly it may be called philosophy, returned Alvin, it is not Christianity. Oh Christianity! And the gentleman gave a portentous sniff of contempt. That is a system of faith that is rapidly dying out, fast falling into contempt in fact with the scientific and culture classes. It is already an exploded doctrine. Indeed, Alvin's glance swept over him with a faint, cold scorn. And what religion do the scientific and culture classes propose to invent as a substitute? There's no necessity for any substitute, said the gentleman rather impatiently. For those who want to believe in something supernatural, there are plenty of different ideas afloat. Esoteric Buddhism, for example, and what is called scientific religion and natural religion, any or all of these are sufficient to gratify the imaginative cravings of the majority, till they have been educated out of the imagination altogether. But for advanced thinkers, religion is really not required at all. Footnote the world is indebted to Mr. Andrew Lang for the newest logical explanation of the religious instinct in man, namely that the very idea of God first arose from the terror and amazement of an ape at the sound of a thunder. So choice and so moving a definition of deity needs no comment. Now I think we must worship something retorted all in a fine satire in his rich voice, if it be only self. Self is an excellent deity, accommodating and always ready to excuse sin. Why should we not build temples, raise altars, and institute services to the glory and honor of self? Perhaps the time is right for a public proclamation of this creed. It will be easily propagated for the beginnings of it, or in the heart of every man, and need very little fostering. His thrilling tone together with the calm, half-ironical persuasiveness of his manner, sent a sudden hush down the table. Everyone turned eagerly toward him. Some amused, some wondering, some admiring, while various felt his heart beating with uncomfortable quickness. He hated religious discussions and always avoided them. And now here was all in beginning one, and he, the center of a company of persons who were, for the most part, avowed agnostics, to whose opinions his must necessarily be indirect and absolute opposition. At the same time he remembered that those who were sure of their faith never lost their temper about it. And as he glanced at his friends perfectly serene and coldly, smiling countenance, he saw there was no danger of his letting slip, even for a moment his admirable power of self-command. The duke de la sang soisie, meanwhile, settling his mustache, and gracefully waving one hand, on which sparkled a large diamond ring, bent forward a little with a courteous deprecatory gesture. I think, he said, in soft, purring accents, that my friend Dr. Mudley, hereabout toward the sadhana-looking individual who had entered into conversation with Alvin, takes a very proper, and indeed a very lofty view of the whole question. The moral sense, and he laid a severely weighty emphasis on these words, the moral sense of each man, if properly trained, is quite sufficient to guide him through existence, without any such weakness as reliance on a merely capacitious deity. The duke's French way of speaking English was charming. He gave an expressive role to his oars, especially when he said the moral sense that of itself almost carried conviction. His wife smiled as she heard him, and her smile was not altogether pleasant. Perhaps she wondered by what criterion of excellence he measured his own moral sense, or whether, despite his education and culture, he had any moral sense at all, higher than that of the pig who eats to be eaten. But Alvin spoke, and she listened intently, finding a singular fascination in the soft and quiet modulation of his voice, which gave a vaguely delicious suggestion of music, underlying speech. To guide people by their moral sense alone, he said you must first prove plainly to them that the moral sense exists, together with moral responsibility. You will find this difficult as the virtue implied is intangible, unseeable. One cannot say of it low here or low there. It is as complicated and subtle as any other of the manifestations of pure spirit. Then you must decide on one universal standard or reasonable conception of what morality is. Again, you are met by a crowd of perplexities as every nation and every tribe has a totally different idea of the same thing. In some countries it is moral to have many wives, in others to drown female children, in others to solemnly roast one's grandparents for dinner. Supposing, however, that you succeed with the aid of all the philosophers, teachers, and scientists in drawing up a practical code of morality, do not think an enormous majority will be found to ask you by whose authority you set forth this code and by what right you deem it necessary to enforce it. You may say by the authority of knowledge and by the right of morality, but since you admit to there being no spiritual or divine inspiration for your law, you will be confronted by a legion of opponents who will assure you and probably with perfect justice that their idea of morality is as good as yours and their knowledge as excellent that your code appears to them faulty in many respects and that therefore they propose making another one more suited to their liking. Thus, out of your one famous moral system which brings thousands of others, formed to gratify the various tastes of different individuals, persisting the same manner as sex have sprung out of the wholly unnecessary and foolish human arguments on Christianity, only that there would lack the one indestructible, pure, selfless example that even the most quarrelsome bigot must inwardly respect, namely Christ himself. And morality would remain exactly where it is, neither better nor worse, for all the trouble taken concerning it, it needs something more than the moral sense to rightly ennobled man. It needs the spiritual sense, the fostering of the instinctive immortal aspiration of the creature to make him comprehend the responsibility of his present life as a preparation for his higher and better destiny. The cultured, the scholarly, the ultra-refined may live well and uprightly by their moral sense if they so choose provided they have some great ideal to measure themselves by. But even these without faith in God may sometimes slip and fall into deeper depths of ruin than they dreamed of when self-centered on those heights of virtue where they fancied themselves exempt from danger. E pause, there was a curious stillness in the room. Many eyes were lowered and Monsieur Le Duc's composure was evidently not quite so absolute as usual. Taken at its best, he continued, the world alone is certainly not worth fighting for. We see the fact exemplified every day in the cases of those who, surrounded by all that a fair fortune can bestow upon them, deliberately hurl themselves out of existence by their own free will and act. Indeed, suicide is a very general accompaniment of agnosticism and self-slaughter, though it may be called madness as far more often the result of intellectual misery. Of course, too much learning breeds brain disease, remarked Dr. Mudley sententiously, but only in weak subjects and in my opinion, the weak are better out of the world. We have no room for them nowadays. You say truly, sir, replied Oman, we have no room for them. In no patience they show themselves feeble and forthwith the strong oppress them. They can hope for little comfort here and less help. It is well therefore that some of these weak should still believe in God since they can certainly pin no faith on the justice of their fellow man. But I cannot agree with you that much learning breeds brain disease, provided the learning be accompanied by a belief in the supreme wisdom, provided every step of study be taken upward toward that source of all knowledge. One cannot learn too much since hope increases with discernment, and on such food the brain grows stronger, healthier and more capable of high effort, but dispense with the spirit of the whole and every movement, though it seemed forward, is in truth backward. Study involves the wilderness, science becomes a reeling infinitude of atoms, madly whirling together for no purpose, save death, or at the best incessant change, in which mortal life is counted as nothing, and nature frowns at us, a vast question to which there is no answer, an incomprehensible force against which wretched man gifted with all manner of splendid and godlike capacities battles forever and forever in vain. This is the terrible material lesson you would have us learn today, the lesson that maddens people and teacher alike and has not a glimmer of consolation to offer to any living soul. What a howling wilderness this world would be if given over entirely to materialism. Scarce a line of division could be drawn between men and the brute beasts of the field. I consider, though possibly, I am only one among many of widely differing opinion, that if you take the hope of an after joy and blessedness away from the weary, perpetually toiling million, you destroy at one wanton blow their best purest and noblest aspirations. As for the Christian religion, I cannot believe that so grand and holy a symbol is perishing among us. We have a monarch whose title is Defender of the Faith. We live in an age of civilization, which is primarily the result of that faith. And if, as this gentleman assures me, and he made a slight courteous inclination toward his opposite neighbor, Christianity is exploded, then certainly the greatness of this hitherto great nations is exploding with it. But I do not think that because a few skeptics uplift their wailing all his vanity from their self-created desert of agnosticism, therefore the majority of men and women are turning many gates from the simplest, most humane, most unselfish creed that ever the world has known. It may be so, but at present I prefer to trust in the higher spiritual instincts of man at his best, rather than accept the testimony of the lesser unbelieving against the greater many whose strength, comfort, patience, and endurance, if these virtues come not from God, come not at all. His forcible incisive manner of speaking, together with his perfect equanimity and concise clearness of argument, had an evident effect on those who listened. It was no rampant fanatic for particular forms of doctrine or pietyism. It was a man who stated his opinions calmly, frankly, and with an absolute setting forth of facts, which could scarcely be denied. A man who firmly grounded himself made no attempt to force anyone's belief, but who simply took a large view of the whole and saw, as it were in a glance, what the world might become without faith in a divine cause and principle of creation. And once, grant this divine cause and principle to be actually existent, then all other divine and spiritual things become possible, no matter how impossible they seem to dull mortal comprehension. A brief pause bothered his words, a pause of vague embarrassment. The Duchess was the first to break it. You have very noble ideas, Mr. Arwin. She said with a faint, wavering smile, but I'm afraid your conception of things, both human and divine, is too exalted and poetically imaginative to be applied to our everyday lights. We cannot close our ears to the thunders of science. We cannot fail to perceive that we mortals are of as small a count in the plan of the universe as grains of sand on the seashore. It is very sad that so it should be and yet so it is. And concerning Christianity, the poor system has been so belabored of late with hard blows that it is almost a wonder it still breathes. There is no end to the books that have been written disproving and denouncing it. Moreover, we have had the subject recently treated in a novel which excites our sympathies on behalf of a clergyman who, overwhelmed by our scholarship, finds he can no longer believe in the religion he has required to teach and who renounces his living in consequence. The story is in parts pathetic. It has had a large circulation and numbers of people who never doubted their creed before certainly doubt it now. Arwin shrugged his shoulders, faith uprooted by a novel. He said, alas, poor faith. It could never have been well established at any time to be so easy of destruction. No book in the world, whether of fact or fiction, could persuade me either to or from the consciousness of what my own individual spirit instinctively knows. Faith cannot be taught or forced. Neither if true can it be really destroyed. It is a God born, God fostered intuition. Immortal, as God himself, the ephemeral theory set forth in books, should not be able to influence it by so much as a hair's breadth. Truth is, however, often conveyed through the medium of fiction, observed Dr. Mudley, and the novel alluded to was calculated to disturb the mind and arouse trouble in the heart of many an ardent believer. It was written by a woman. Nay then said Alwin quickly, with a darkening flash in his eyes, if women give up faith, let the world prepare it for a strange disaster. Good, God-loving women, women who pray, women who hope, women who inspire men to do the best that is in them. These are the safety and glory of nations. When women forget to kneel, when women cease to teach their children, the Our Father, by whose grandly simple plea humanity claims divinity as its origin, then shall we learn what is meant by men's hearts failing them for fear and for looking after those things which are coming on the earth. A woman who denies Christ repudiates him, who, above all others, made her sex as free and honored as everywhere in Christendom it is. He never refused women's prayer. He had patience for her weakness, pardon for her sins, and any book written by a woman's hand that does him the smaller shadow of wrong is to me as gross an act as that of one who, loaded with benefits, scruples not to murder his benefactor. The Duchess de La Santoisie moved uneasily. There was a vibration in Alwin's voice that went to her very heart. Strange thoughts swept cloud like across her mind. Again, she saw in fancy a little fair, dead child that she had loved, her only one on whom she had spent all the tenderness of which her nature was capable. It had died at the prettiest age of children, the age of lisping speech and softly tottering feet, when a journey from the protecting background of a wall to outstretched maternal arms seems fraught with the dire peril to the tiny adventure and is only undertaken with the help of much coaxing sweet laughter and still sweeter kisses. She remembered how, in spite of her free opinions, she had found it impossible not to teach her little one a prayer, and a sudden mist of tears blurred her sight as she recollected the child's last words, words uttered pintably in the death grasp of a cruel fever, suffer me to come to thee. A quick sigh escaped her lips, the diamonds on her breast heaved restlessly, lifting her eyes, grown soft with gentle memory, she encountered those of Alvin, and again she asked herself, could he read her thoughts? Is that fast gaze seemed to encompass her and absorb in a grave compassionate earnestness the entire comprehension of her life? Her husband's polite, malifluous accents roused her from this half reverie. I confess I am surprised, Mr. Alvin, he was saying that you, a man of such genius and ability, should be still in the leading strings of the church. There is no church returned to Alvin quietly. The world is waiting for one. The alpha beta of Christianity has been learned and recited more or less badly by the children of men for nearly two thousand years. The actual grammar and meaning of the whole language has yet to be deciphered. There have been and are what are called churches, one especially which if it would bravely discard mere vulgar superstition and accept absorb and use the discoveries of science instead might and possibly will blossom into the true universal and pure Christian fabric. Meanwhile in the shaking too and forward things the trouble is sifting of the wheat from the chaff. We must be content to follow by the way of the cross as best we can. Christianity has fallen into disrepute probably because of the self-annunciation it demands. For in this age the primal object of each individual is manifestly to serve self-only. It is a wrong road, a side lane that leads nowhere and we shall inevitably have to turn back upon it and recover the right path. If not now, why then hereafter? His voice had a tremor of pain within it. He was thinking of the millions of men and women who were voluntarily wandering astray into a darkness they did not dream of and his heart the great drew heart of the poet became filled with an indescribable passion of yearning. No wonder he mused, no wonder that Christ came hither for the sake of love, to rescue, to redeem, to save, to bless. O divine sympathy for sorrow if I a man can feel such aching pity for the woes of others how vast, how limitless, how tender it must be the pity of God. And his eyes softened he almost forgot his surroundings he was entirely unaware of the various deep and wistful emotions he had wakened in the hearts of his ears. There was a great attractiveness in him that he was not conscious of and while all present certainly felt that he though among them was not of them they were at the same time curiously moved by an impression that notwithstanding his being as it were set apart from their ways of existence his sympathetic influence surrounded them as resistlessly as a pure atmosphere in which they drew long refreshing breaths of healthier life. I should like suddenly set a bearded individual who was seated halfway down the table and who had listened attentively to everything. I should like to tell you a few things about esoteric Buddhism. I'm sure it is a faith that would suit you admirably. All when smile, courteously enough, I should be happy to hear your views on the subject sir. He answered gently but I must tell you that before I left England far at the east I had studied that theory together with many others that were offered as substitutes for Christianity and I found it totally inadequate to meet the highest demands of the spiritual intelligence. I may also add that I have read carefully all the principle works against religion from the treatises of the early skeptics down to Voltaire and others of our own day. Moreover, I had not so very long ago rejected the Christian faith that I now accepting it here to it is not the result of my merit or attainment but simply the outcome of an undeserved blessing and singularly happy fortune. Pardon me Mr. Arwin Saint Madame de la Saintoise with a sweet smile by all the laws of nature I must contradict you there your fame and fortune must need speed the reward of merit since true happiness never comes to the undeserving. Arwin made no reply and as much as to repudiate the idea of personal merit too warmly is as such matters are judged nowadays suggestive of more conceit than modesty. He skillfully changed the conversation and it glided off by degrees into various other channels music art science and the political situation of the hour the men and women assembled as though stimulated and inspired by some new interest now strove to appear at their very best and the friction of intellect with intellect resulted in more or less brilliancy of talk which for once was totally free from the flippant and mocking spirit which usually pervaded the saintoise social circle and all the subjects that came up for discussion all improved himself thoroughly at home and Miss Julia Duke sitting in a silence that was most unwanted with him became filled with amazement to think that this man so full of fine qualities and intellectual abilities should be actually a Christian the thing was quite incongruous or seemed so to the ironical width of the born and bred Parisian he tried to consider absurd even laughable but his efforts merely resulted in a sense of an easy personal shame this boy was at any rate a man he might have posed for Coriolanus or Mark Antony and there was something supreme about him that could not be sneered down the dinner meanwhile reached his dessert climax and the Duchess Rose giving the customary departing signal to her lady guests all when hastened to open the door for her and she passed out followed by a train of women enriched in wrestling costumes all of whom as they swept past the kingly figure that was slightly bent head and courteous mean thus paid silent homage to their sex were conscious of very unusual emotions of respect and reverence how would it be some of them thought if they were more frequently brought into contact with such royal and gracious manhood would not love them become indeed a hallowed glory and marriage a true sacrament was it not possible for men to be the gods of this world rather than the devils they so often are such were a few of the questions that flitted dimly through the minds of the society fagged fair ones that clustered around the Duchess de la Sanctuasi and eagerly discussed all one's personal beauty and extraordinary charm of manner the gentlemen did not upset themselves long and with their appearance from the dining room the reception of the evening began crowds of people arrived and crammed up the stairs filling every corner and all and growing tired of the various introductions and shaking of hands to which he was submitted managed presently to slip away into our conservatory adjoining the great drawing room a cool softly lighted place full of flowering azaleas and rare palms he reset for a while among the red and white blossoms listening to the incessant hammer voices and wondering what enjoyment human beings could find in thus hurting together en masse and chattering all at once as though life depended on chatter when the resting of a woman's dress disturbed his brief solitude he rose directly as he saw his fair hostess approaching him ah you fled away from us mr. allan she said with a slight smile i do not wonder at it these receptions are the bane of one's social existence then why do you give them asked all and half laughingly why oh because it is the fashion i suppose she answered languidly leaning against a marble column that supported the towering fondage of a tropical fun and towing with her fan and i like others i'm a slave to fashion i have escaped for one moment but i must go back directly mr. allan she hesitated then came straight up to him and later hand upon his arm i want to thank you to thank me he repeated in surprised accent yes she says steve to thank you for what you have said tonight we live in a dreary age when no one has much faith or hope and still less charity death is set before us as the final end of all and life is lived by most people is not only not worth living but utterly contemptible you're clearly expressed opinions have made me think it possible to do better her lips quivered a little and her breath came and went quickly and i shall begin to try and find out how this better can be consummated pray do not think me foolish i think you foolish and with gravest courtesy allan raised her hand and touched it bluntly with his lips then his gently released it his action was full of grace it implied reverence trust honor and the touches looked at him with soft red eyes in which a smile still lingered if there were more men like you she said suddenly what a difference it would make to us women we should be proud to share the burdens of life with those on whose absolute integrity and strength we could rely but in these days we do not rely so much as we despise we cannot love so much as we condemn you are a poet and for you the world takes ideal colors for you perchance the very heavens have opened but remember that the millions who in the present era are ground down under the heels of the grimace necessity have no such glimpses of god as are vouched safe to you they are truly in the darkness and shadow of death they hear no angel music they sit in dungeons howled at by preachers and teachers who make no actual attempt to lead them into light and liberty while we the so-called upper classes are imprisoned as closely as they and crushed by intolerable weights of learning such as many of us are not fitted to bear those who aspire heaven words are hurled to earth those who of their own choice cling to death become so fast into it that even if they wish they could not rise believe me you will be sorely disheartened in your efforts toward the highest good you will find most people callous careless ignorant and forever scoffing at what they do not and will not understand you'd better leave us to our dust and ashes and a little mirthless laugh escape to lips for to pluck us from vents now will almost need a second visitation of christ in whom if he came we should probably not believe or over you must not forget that we have read darwin and we are so charmed with our monkey ancestors that we are doing our best to imitate them in every possible way in the hope that with time and patience we may resolve ourselves back into the original species with which bitter sarcasm uttered half mockingly half in good ermas she left him and returned to her guest not very long afterward he even sought and found videos and suggested to him that it was time to make a move home we approached her in company with his friend and bade her farewell i don't think we shall see you often in society mr arwin she said rather wistfully as she gave him her hand you are too much of a titan among pygmies he flushed and waved aside the remark with a few playful words unlike his former self if there was anything in the world he shrank from it was flattery or what seemed like flattery once outside the house he drew a long breath of relief and glance gratefully up at the sky bright with the glistening multitude of stars thank god there were worlds in that glorious expanse of aether people with loftier types of being than what is called humanity the years looked at him questioningly tired of your own celebrity arwin he asked taking him by the arm are the pleasures of fame already exhausted arwin smiled he thought of the fame of saluma loyate bard the valkyrus nay if the dream that i told you have had any meaning at all he replied then i enjoyed and exhausted those pleasures long ago perhaps that is the reason why my celebrity seems such a poor and tame circumstance now but i was not thinking of myself i was wondering whether after all the slight power i've attained can be of much use to others i'm only one against many nevertheless there is an old maxim which says that one hero makes a thousand said the years quietly and it is an undeniable fact that the vastest number ever counted begins at the very beginning with one arwin met his smiling earnest eyes with a quick responsive light in his own and the two friends walked the rest of the way home in silence end of chapter 35 chapter 36 of our death by marie karelli this liberivox recording is in the public domain alibis some few days after the duchess's dinner party arwin was strolling one morning through the park enjoying to the full the keen fresh odors of the spring odors that even in london cannot altogether lose their sweetness so long as high synths and violets consent to bloom and almond trees to flower beneath the too often unpropitious murkiness of city skies it had been raining but now the clouds had rolled off and the sun shown as brightly as it ever can shine on the english capital sending sparkles of gold among the still wet foliage and reviving the little crocuses that have lately tumbled down in heaps on the grass like a frightened fairy army put to route by the onslaught of the recent shower a black bird whose cheery note suggested melodious memories drawn from the heart of the quiet country was whistling a lively improvisation on the bow of a chestnut tree whereof the brown shining buds were just bursting into leaves and arwin whose every sense was pleasantly attuned to the small as well as great harmonies of nature paused for a moment to listen to the luscious piping of the feathered menstrual that in its own wild woodland way had as excellent an idea of musical variation as any Mozart or Chopin leaning against one of the park benches with his back turned to the main thoroughfare he did not observe the approach of a man's tall stately figure that with something of his own light easy swinging step that followed him rapidly along for some little distance and that now halted abruptly within a pace or two of where he stood a man whose fine face and singular distinction of bearing had caused many a passerby to stare at him in vague admiration and to wonder who such a regal looking personage might possibly be arwin however absorbed in thought saw no one and was about to resume his onward walk when suddenly as though moved by some instinctive impulse he turned sharply around and in so doing confronted the stranger who straightway advanced lifting his hat and smiling one amazed glance and then with an ejaculation of wonder recognition and delight arwin sprang forward and grasped his extended hand aliebus he exclaimed is it possible you are in london you of all men in the world even so replied aliebus gaily and why not am i incongruous and out of keeping with the march of modern civilization alwin looked at him half bewildered half incredulous he could hardly believe his own eyes it seemed such an altogether amazing thing to meet this devout engraved childy and philosopher this mystic monk of the caucuses here in the very center as it were of the world's business traffic and pleasure one might as well have expected to find a haloed saint in the world of a carnival masquerade incongruous out of keeping yes certainly he was for though clad in the plain conventional garb to which the men of the present day are doomed by the fiat of commerce and custom the splendid dignity and picturesqueness of his fine personal appearance was by no means abated and it was just this that marked him out and made of him as wonderful a figure in london as though some god or evangelist should suddenly pass through wilderness of chattering apes and screaming vultures but how and when did you come last alwin presently recovering from his first glad shock of surprise you see how genuine is my astonishment why i thought you were a perpetually vowed recluse that you never went into the world at all neither i do rejoin to libus save when strong necessity demands but our order is not so enclosed that if duty calls we cannot advance to its beckoning and there are certain times when both i and those of my fraternity mingle with men in common undistinguished from the ordinary inhabitants of cities either by dress customs or manners as you see and he laughingly touched his overcoat the dark rough cloth of which was relieved by a broad collar and reveres of rich seal skin would you not take me for a highly respectable brewer par exempla conscious that his prowess in the making of beer has entitled him not only to an immediate seat in parliament but also to a duke them in perspective all when smiled at the droll in applicability of this comparison and hallelujah best cheerfully continued i'm on the wing just now bound for mexico i had business in london and arrived here two days since two days more we'll see me again on voyage i'm glad to have met you thus by chance for i did not know your address and though i might have obtained that through your public shares i hesitated about it not being quite certain as to whether a letter or visit from me might be welcome surely began all when and then he paused a flush rising to his brow as he remembered how obstinately he had doubted and suspected this man's good faith and intention toward him and how he had even received his farewell benediction at dario with more resentment than gratitude everywhere i hear great things of you mr allwin went on hallelujah bus gently taking no notice of his embarrassment your fame is now indeed unquestionable with all my heart i congratulate you and wish you long life and health to enjoy the triumph of your genius all when smiled and turning fixed his clear soft eyes full upon the speaker i thank you he said simply but you who have such a quick instinctive comprehension of the minds and characters of men judge for yourself whether i attach any value to the poor renown i have won renown that i once would have given my very life to possess as he spoke he stopped they were walking down a quiet side path under the wavering shadow of newly burgeoning beaches and a bright shaft of sunshine struck through the delicate foliage straight on his serene and handsome countenance eliebus gave him a swift keen observing glance in a moment he noticed what a marvelous change had been wrought in the man who but a few months before had come to him a wreck of wasted life a wreck that was not only ready but willing to drift into downward currents and rural pools of desperate godless blank and hopeless misery and now how completely he was transformed health colored his cheeks and sparkled in his eyes health both the body and mind gave that quick brilliancy to his smile and that easy yet powerful poise to his whole figure while the supreme consciousness of the immortal spirit within him surrounded him with the same indescribable fascination and magnetic attractiveness that distinguished eliebus himself even as it distinguishes all who have in good earnest discovered and accepted the only true explanation of their individual mystery of being one steady flashing look and then eliebus silently held out his hand as silently all one clasped it and the two men understood each other all constraint was at an end and when they resumed their slow sauntering under the glistening green branches they were mutually aware that they now held an almost equal rank in the hierarchy of spiritual knowledge strength and sympathy evidently your adventure to the ruins of babelon was not all together without results certainly a bit softly your appearance indicates happiness is your life that lasts complete complete no and all when sighed somewhat impatiently it cannot be complete so long as its best and purest half is elsewhere my fame is as you can guess a mere ephemera a small vanishing point in comparison with a higher ambition i have now in view listen you know nothing of what happened to me on the field of our death i should have written to you perhaps but it is better to speak i will tell you all as briefly as i can and talking in undertone with his arm linked through that of his companion he related the whole strange story of the visitation of edrus the dream of al-qiras his awakening on the prophets field at sunrise and his final renunciation of self at the cross of christ eliebus listened to him in perfect silence his eyes alone expressing with what eager interest and attention he followed every incident of the narrative and now said all in in conclusion i always try to remember for my own comfort that i left my dead self in the burning ruin of that dream built city of the past or seemed to leave it and yet i feel sometimes as if its shadow presence clung to me still i look in the mirror and see strange faint reflections of the actual personal attributes of the slain saluma occasionally these are so strong and distinctly marked that i turn away in anger from my own image why i love that phantasm of a poet in my dream as i must for ages have loved myself to my own utter undoing i admired his work with such extravagant fondness that thinking of it i blushed for shame at my own thus manifest conceit in truth there's only one thing in that picture character of his i can for the present judge myself free from namely the careless rejection of true love for falls the wanton misprisel of a faithful heart such as nefradas whose fair child face even now often flits before my remorseful memory and the evil sensual passion for a woman whose wickedness was as evident as her beauty was paramount i could never understand or explain this willful headstrong weakness in my shadow self it was the one circumstance in my vision that seemed to have little to do with the positive me in its application but now i thoroughly grasp the meaning of the lesson conveyed which is that no man ever really knows himself or fathoms the depths of his own possible inconsistencies and as matters stand with me at the present time i am hemmed in on all sides by difficulties for it since the modern success of that very anciently composed poem newer harma and he smiled my friends and acquaintances are doing their best to make me think as much of myself as if i were well all that i am not do what i will i believe i'm still an egoist day i am sure of it for even as regards my heavenly saint edrus i am selfish how so i asked halibut with a grave side glance of admiration at the thoughtful face and meditative earnest eyes of this poet this once bitter and blasphemous skeptic grown up now to a majesty of faith but not all the scorn of men or devils could ever shake again i want to be replied and there was a thrill of pathetic yearning in his voice i longed for her every moment of the day and night it seems to as if everything combined to encourage this craving in me this fond mad desire to draw her down from her own bright sphere of joy down to my arms my heart my life see and he stopped by a bed of white hyacinths nodding softly in the faint breeze even those flowers remind me of her when i look up at the blue sky i think of the radiance of her eyes they were the heavens own color when i see light clouds floating together half gray half tinted by the sun they seem to me to resemble the soft and noiseless garb she wore the birds sing only to recall to me the loot like sweetness of her voice and at night when i behold the millions upon millions of stars that are worlds peopled as they must be with thousands of wonderful living creatures perhaps as spiritually composed as she i sometimes find it hard that out of all the exhaustive types the being that love serve and praise god in heaven this one fair spirit only this one angel maiden should not be spared to help and comfort me yes i am selfish to the heart's core my friend and his eyes darkened with a vague wistfulness and trouble moreover i've weakly striven to excuse my selfishness to my own conscience thus i've thought that if she were about safe to me for the remainder of my days i might then indeed do lasting good and leave lasting consolation to the world such work might be performed as would stir the most callous souls to life and energy and aspiration with her sweet presence near me visibly close and constant there's no task so difficult that i would not say and conquer in for her sake her service her greater glory but alone and he gave a slight hopeless gesture may christ knows i will do the utmost best i can but the solitary ways of life are hard aliyah vis regarded him fixedly you seem to be alone he said presently after a pause but truly you are not so you think you are set apart to do your work in solitude nevertheless she whom you love may be near you even while you speak still i understand what you mean you long to see her again to realize her tangible form and presence well this cannot be until you pass from this earth and adopt her nature unless unless she descends hither and adopts yours the last words were uttered slowly and impressively and all winds countenance brightened with a sudden irresistible rapture that would be impossible he said but his voice trembled and there was more interrogativeness than assertion in his tone impossible in most cases yes agreed aliyah vis but in your specially chosen and privileged estate i cannot positively say that such a thing might not be for one moment a strange eager brilliancy shown in all winds eyes the next he said his lips hard and made a firm gesture of denial do not tempt me good aliyah vis he said with a faint smile or rather do not let me tempt myself i bearing constant mind what she my address told me when she left me that we should not meet again till after death unless the longing of my love compelled now if it be true as i have often thought that i could compel by what right there i use such power if power i have upon her she loves me i love her and by the force of love such love is ours who knows i might per chance persuade her to adopt a while this mean uneasy vesture of mere mortal life and the very innate perception that i might be so is the sharpest trial i have to endure because if i would thoroughly conquer myself i must resist this feeling nay i will resist it for let it cost me what it may i've sworn that the selfishness of my own personal desire shall never cross or cloud the radiance of her perfect happiness but suppose suggested aliyah vis quietly suppose she were to find an even more complete happiness in making you happy alwin shook his head my friend do not let us talk of it he answered no joy can be more complete than the joy of heaven and that in its full blessedness is hers that in its full blessedness is not hers declared aliyah vis with emphasis and moreover it can never be hers while you are still in exile and a wanderer friend poet do you think that even heaven is wholly happy to one who loves and whose beloved is absent a tremor shook alwin's nerves his eyes glowed as though the inward fire of his soul had lightened them but his face grew very pale no more of this for god's sake you said passionately i must not dream of it i dare not i become the slave of my own imagined rapture the coward who falls conquered and trembling before his own desire of delight rather let me strive to be glad that she my angel love is so far removed from my unworthiness let her if she beat near me now read my thoughts and see in them how dear how sacred is her fair and glorious memory how i would rather endure an eternity of anguish than make her sad for one brief hour of mortal counted time he was greatly moved his voice trembled with the fervor of its own music and aliyah bus looked at him with a grave and very tender smile enough he said gently i will speak no further on this subject which i see affects you deeply nevertheless i would have you remember how when the master whom we serve passed through his agony at guest summoning and with all the knowledge of his own power and glory strong upon him still in his vast self abnegation said not my will but thine be done that then there appeared an angel under him from heaven strengthening him think of this for every incident in that divine human life is a hint for ours and often it chances that when we reject happiness for the sake of goodness happiness is suddenly bestowed upon us gods miracles are endless god's blessings exhaust list and the marvels of this wondrous universe are as nothing compared to the working of his sovereign will for good on the lives of those who serve him faithfully all when flashed upon him a quick half questioning glance but was silent and they walked on together for some minutes without exchanging a word a few people pass and re-pass them some little children were playing hide and seek behind the trunks of the largest trees the air was fresh and invigorating and the incessant roar of busy traffic outside the park palings offered a perpetual noisy reminder of the great world that surged around them the world of petty aims and transitory pleasures with which they filled full of the knowledge of higher and eternal things have so little in common save sympathy sympathy for the willful wrongdoing of man and pity for his self-imposed blindness presently hilliabas spoke again in his customary light and cheerful tone are you writing anything new just now he asked or are you resting from literary labor will rest and work are with me very nearly one in the same replied alwin i think the most absolutely tiring and exhausting thing in the world would be to have nothing to do then i can imagine life becoming indeed a weighty burden yes i am engaged on a new poem it gives me intense pleasure to write it but whether it will give anyone equal pleasure to read it is quite another question does zabasti still loom on your horizon inquired his companion mirthfully or are you still inclined as in the past to treat him whether he comes singly or in numbers as the poet's court jester and paid fool alwin laughed lightly perhaps he answered with a sparkle of amusement in his eyes but really so far as the wind of criticism goes i don't think any author nowadays particularly cares whether it blows fair whether or foul you see we all know how it is done we can name the clubs and cliques from whence it emanates and we are fully aware that if one leading man of a set gives the starting signal of praise or blame the rest follow like sheep without either thought or personal discrimination moreover some of us have met and talked with certain of these magazine and newspaper oracles and have tested for ourselves the limited extent of their knowledge and the shallowness of their wit i assure you it often happens that a great author is tried judged and condemned by a little casual press man who in his very criticism proves himself ignorant of grammar of course if the public choose to accept such a verdict why then all the worse for the public but luckily the majority of men are beginning to learn the ins and outs of the modern critics business they see his or her methods it is a notable fact that women do a great deal of criticism now they being willing to scribble or regular common places at a cheaper rate of pay than men so that if a book is condemned people are dubious and straightway read it for themselves to see what is in it that excites aversion if it is praised they are still dubious and generally decide that the critical eulogist must have some personal interest in its sale it is difficult for an author to win his public but when won the critics may applaud or deride as suits their humor it makes no appreciable difference to his popularity now i consider my own present thing was won by chance a misconception that as i know had his ancient foundation in truth but that as far as everybody else is concerned remains a misconception so that i estimate my success at its right value or rather let me say at its proper worklessness and in a few words he related how the leaders of English journalism have judged him dead and had praised his work chiefly because it was posthumous i believe he added good humor that if this mistake had not arisen i should scarcely have been heard of since i advocate no particular cult and belong to no mutual admiration alliance offensive or defensive but my supposed untimely decease to serve me better than the browning society serves browning again he laughed liabas had listened with a keen and sarcastic enjoyment of the whole story undoubtedly your zabasties was no phantom he observed emphatically his was evidently a very real existence and he must have divided himself from one into several to sit in judgment again upon you in this present day history repeats itself and unhappily all the injustice hypocrisy and inconsistency of man is repeated to and out of the multitudes that inhabit the earth how few will succeed in fulfilling their highest destinies this is the one bitter drop in the cup of our knowledge we can if we choose save ourselves but we can seldom if ever save others all when stopped short his eyes darkening with a swift intensity of feeling why not he asked earnestly must we look on and see men rushing toward certain misery without making an effort to turn them back to warn them of the darkness whether they are bound to rescue them before it is too late my friend we can make the effort certainly and we are bound to make it because it is our duty but in 99 cases out of 100 we shall fail of our persuasion what can I or you or anyone do against the iron force of free will god himself will not constrain it how then shall we in the books of as address which have already been of such use to you you will find the following significant words the most high have made this world for many but the world to come for a few as when thou asked is the earth it shall say unto thee that it giveth much mold where in earthen vessels are made and but little dust that gold cometh up even so is the course of this present world there be many created but few shall be saved god elects to be served by choice and not by compulsion it is his law that man shall work out his own immortal destiny and nothing can alter this overwhelming fact the sublime example of christ was given us as a means to assist us in forming our own conclusions but there is no coercion in it only a divine love you for instance were and are still perfectly free to reject the whole of your experience on the field of our death as a delusion nothing would be easier and from the world's point of view nothing more natural faith and doubt are equally voluntary acts the one is the instinct of the immortal soul the other the tendency of the perishable body and the will decides which of the two shall conquer in the end i know that you are firm in your high and true conviction i know also what thoughts are at work in your brain you are bending all your energies on the task of trying to instill into the minds of your fellow men some comprehension of the enlightenment and hope you yourself possess are you must prepare for disappointment for though the times are tending towards strange upheavals and terrors when the trumpet voice of an inspired poet may do enormous good still the name of the willfully ignorant is legion the age is one of the grossest man and worship and courses atheism and the noblest teachings of the noblest teacher where he even another Shakespeare must have necessity be better casting a pearls before swine still and his rare sweet smile brightened the serene dignity of his features fling out the pearls freely all the same the swine may grunt at but cannot render you and a poet's genius should be like the sunlight that falls on rich and poor good and bad with glorious impartiality if you can comfort one sorrow check one sin or rescue one soul from the widening quick sand of the atheist world you have sufficient reason to be devoutly thankful by this time their walk had led them imperceptibly to one of the gates of egress from the park and elliobus pointing to a huge square building opposite said there is the hotel of which i'm staying one of the americanized monster fabrics in which tire travelers find much splendid show and little rest will you lunch with me i'm quite alone all when gladly assented he was most unwilling to part at once from this man to whom in a measure he felt he owed his present happy and tranquil condition of body and mind besides he was curious to find out more about him to obtain from him if possible an entire explanation of the actual tenants and chief characteristics of the system of religious worship he himself practiced and followed elliobus seemed to guess his thoughts for suddenly turning upon him with a quick glance he observed you want to plug out the heart of my mystery as hamlet says do you not my friend any smile well so you shall if you can discover oughty me that is not already in yourself i assure you there's nothing preter natural about me my peculiar eccentricity consists instead of adapting myself to the scientific spiritual as well as scientific material laws of the universe the two sets of laws united make harmony hence i find my life harmonious and satisfactory that is my abnormal condition of mind and you are now fully as abnormal as i am come we will discuss our mutual strange non-conformity to the wild world's custom or caprice over a glass of good wine observe please that i am neither a total abstainer nor a vegetarian and that i have a curious fashion of being temperate and of using all the gifts of beneficent nature equally and without prejudice well he spoke they had crossed the road and they now enter the vestibular of the hotel where declining the hall porter's offer of the lift elliobus ascended the stairs leisurely to the second floor and ushered his companion into a comfortable private sitting room fancy men consenting to be drawn up to their apartments like babes in a basket he said laughingly alluding to the lift process upon my word when i think of the strong people of a past age and compare them with the innovative race of today i feel not only pity but shame for the visible degeneration of mankind frail nerves weak hearts uncertain limbs these are common characteristics of the young nowadays instead of being as formally the natural failings of the old wear and tear and worry of modern existence oh yes i know but why the wear and tear and worry at all what is it for simply for the over getting of money one must live certainly but one is not bound to live in foolish luxury for the sake of outflanting one's neighbors better to live simply and preserve health than gain a fortune and be a moping disceptic for life but unless one toils and moils like a beast of burden one cannot even live simply some will say i don't believe that assertion the peasants of france live simply and save the peasants of england live wretchedly and waste voila la différence as with nations so with individuals it is all a question of will where there's a will there's a way is a dreadfully trite copy book maxim but it's amazingly true all those same now let us to the acceptation of these good things this as a pallid boyish looking waiter just then entered the room with the luncheon and in his busting to and fro manifested unusual eagerness to make himself agreeable i've made excellent friends with his young ganymeat he is sworn never to palm off raisin wine upon me for chambertin the waiter blushed and chuckled as though he were conscious of having gained special new dignity and importance and having laid the table and set the chairs he departed with a flourishing bow worthy of our prince's major hotel your name must seem a curious one to these fellows observed alvin when he had gone unusual and even mysterious why yes return heliobus with a laugh it would be jeff so i suppose if i ever gave it but i don't it was only in england and by an englishman that i was once to my utter amazement addressed as hey lee obis and i was quite alarmed at the sound of it one would think that most people on these educational days knew the greek word helios and one would also imagine it as easy to say heliobus as heliograph but now to avoid mistakes whenever i touch british territory and come into contact with british tongues i give my christian name only kassamer the result of which arrangement is that i'm known in this hotel as mr kassamer though i don't mind in the least why should i neither the english nor the americans ever pronounce foreign names properly why i met a newly established young publisher yesterday who assured me that most of his authors the female ones especially are so ignorant of foreign literature that he doubts whether any of them know whether savantes was a writer or an ointment all in laughter dear say the young publisher may be perfectly right you said but all the same he has no business to publish the literary emanations of such ignorance perhaps not but what is he to do if nothing else is offered to him he has to keep his occupation going somehow from bad he must select the best he cannot create a great genius he has to wait till nature in the course of events devolves one from the elements and in the present general dearth of high ability the publishers are really more sinned against than sinning they spend large sums and incur large risk in launching new ventrism a fickle sea of popular favor and often their trouble is taken all in vain it is really the stupid egotism of authors that is the stumbling block in the way of true literature each little scribbler that produces a shilling sensational thinks his or her own work a marvel of genius and nothing can shake them from their obstinate conviction if every man or woman before putting pen to paper would be sure they had something new suggestive symbolical or beautiful to say how greatly art might gain by their labors authors who take up arms against publishers on mass and in every transaction expect to be cheated are doing themselves a reprobable injury they betrayed the cloven hoof namely agreed for money and when once that passion dominates them down goes their reputation and bay with it it is the old story over again you cannot serve god and mammon and all art is a portion of god a descending of the divine into humanity all in set for a minute silent and thoughtful a descending of the divine into humanity he repeated slowly it seems to me that miracle is forever being enacted and yet we doubt we do not doubt said alibis we know we have touched reality but see yonder and he pointed through the window to the crowd of thoroughfare below there are the flying phantoms of life the men and women who are god oblivious and who are therefore no more actually living than the shadows of alkyris they shall pass as a breath and be no more and this roaring trafficking metropolis this immediate center of civilization shall air long disappear off the surface of the earth and leave not a stone to mark the spot where once it stood so have thousands of such cities fallen since this planet was flown into space and even so shall thousands still fall learning civilization science progress these things exist merely for the training and education of a chosen few and out of many earth centuries and generations of men shall be one only a very small company of angels be glad that you have fathomed the mystery of your own life's purpose for you are now as much a positive identity among vanishing specters as you were when on the field of our death you witnessed and took part in the mirage of your past into chapter 36