 The Great Gilder Sleeves. A special rebroadcast for all you soldiers, sailors, and marines of the United Nations. Listen to another amazing episode in the life of the Great Gilder Sleeves. Not the Great Gilder Sleeves. Well, just this evening, he received a phone call from his old friend, Judge Hooker. Hey, Gilder, I ain't impressed on you, but I'm in a spot. I'll be trying up all evening at the courthouse, and I wonder if you could do me a favor. Well, Judge, I'm pretty tired. I have an engagement to take Miss Del Ray to a nightclub. If I cancel it the last minute, she'll be sore at me. Could you just... Well, Horace, anything to oblige a friend. And so Gilder Sleeves spent the evening with Miss Del Ray at the static club, scrupulously remembering that he is there as Judge Hooker's representative. We find him now at Miss Del Ray's doorstep saying good night. I want to thank you for a wonderful evening, Mr. Gilder Sleeves. I hope you had a good time. Oh, I did. Very enjoyable. You're a fine dancer. So are you. Well, I'll be better when you've given me a few lessons. Ah, you are good already. So strong, so confident when you leave. I better say good night, Miss Del Ray. Oh, no, no, no. Please don't go yet. Well, okay. It was a wonderful evening I had. Oh, so did I. Lots of fun. The music was great. Ah, yes, it was heavenly. I really can't thank you enough. Well, we really ought to thank Judge Hooker. He arranged it. Well, I guess I better be going. Must you? Oh, yes. It got to be up early at the office tomorrow morning. Good night. Good night. Well, good night. Good night. Well, I owed it to good old Horace. Just the same, I could kick myself right in the pants. Kick myself. Oh, in fact, I had a fine night, fine night. Go to the movies? No, we went dancing. Dancing? You? What's so funny about that? Dancing is good exercise? When did you suddenly get interested in exercise? Dancing is something everyone should learn, my boy. Wouldn't do you any harm to take a few lessons yourself. Are you kidding? What one more of us dancing lessons? Well, it would teach you to dance, for one thing. It might also teach you to walk through a room without stumbling over every piece of furniture, including your feet. I get around okay. Yes. There's a limit to everything, and this is it. Huh? Mr. Guilty, I don't like to say nothing, but the time has come. The time has come. What do you mean, Birdie? I got other offers. Judge Okuhuka told me any time I want to work for him, any time I talk. Birdie. I even go to work for a lady in Chicago, perhaps, too. Birdie, you're not leaving us. What's wrong? Well, somebody's been messing around my icebox again. And I ain't mentioning no boy's names, but... Leroy. Now, my boy. Leroy, there was a chicken leg in that icebox. I remember just like it was my own. Yes, sir. Come to think of it, Birdie. It's just possible that I ate that chicken leg. Oh, it's possible. Before I went to bed last night, Birdie, I prayed I couldn't sleep. I find it helps sometimes if I gnaw a chicken leg. Does it help sometimes if you eat a cupcake? Huh? Oh, yes. I may have nibbled at a cupcake, too. Nibbled? You polished off three. Is that a fact? Funny, I have no recollection of it. Of course, I was rather sleepy at the time. I thought you said you couldn't sleep. I thought that was why you ate the chicken leg. Well, I got sleepy. Between the chicken leg and the cupcake? Well, I'm sorry if I upset your plans, Birdie. It won't happen again. Oh, that's all right, Mr. Gillespie. Long as it was you. Oh, boy. If it were me to swipe the chicken, I'd ask you, is that justice? Who said anything about justice? We were talking, as I remembered, about dancing school, Leroy. You're not really gonna make me go out. Here comes my tree. I'll bet she'd like to go. Wouldn't you, my dear? So where? The dancing school. Oh, I'd love it. You see, Leroy? She would. You really mean it? I can go? Let me. Well, this is different. I can do the spins already. Watch. Careful, Marjorie. Get her. Not that. Very pretty, my dear. Very pretty. Kiss me. Settle down. Settle down, Leroy, for a minute. You too, Marjorie. What I had in mind was not ballet dancing, my dear, but ballroom dancing. But I just want to take ballet, Uncle Mort. Well, I think it would be nice if you went to a dancing school that Leroy could go to, don't you? I don't think any dancing school would let him in. Oh, Leroy. He's afraid of girls. Leroy. There'll be no wrestling around here. You'll learn to dance like little ladies and gentlemen. I'm not going to have you disgracing yourself in the presence of Miss Del Ray. Miss Del Ray, you mean? Uh-huh. We go to dancing school and suffer so aunt can get in good with a teacher. That has nothing whatsoever to do with it. Well, she's your friend, Uncle Mort. Why don't you take the lesson? Yeah. She's Judge Hooker's friend. But it just so happens that I am going to take lessons. It just so happens. Yes, it just so happens. Hey, we can all take lessons together then. That might be kind of fun. Together? Well, I'm afraid that won't be possible, my dear. My lessons are going to be private. Leroy, wipe that grin off your face. You go to dancing school and what's more, you'll enjoy it. She... If you know he, you'll enjoy it. You won't have to dance with other girls right away. You can learn to dance with Marjorie. You might be consulted about that first. May I have the pleasure of this dance, sister dear? Oh, Leroy. That's the judge. Come on in. Oh, thank you, Bertie. Founder Jury was hung up until 11.30. We finally had a lock him up for the night. Oh, too bad. Well, I felt terribly about leaving you stuck there. You and Miss Dal Ray, you were able to entertain her without me, I trust. We had a very pleasant evening. And Delores, did she seem downcast or am I asking? We had a very pleasant evening. Oh, hang it. I'd been looking forward to it. I planned the whole thing from start to finish. I wanted it to be a very special evening for a very special reason. Oh? Yeah. In fact, I'd hoped before the evening was over to be in a position to make a little announcement. One of a particularly personal nature, one which I would wish you as an old friend to be the first to know about. Then, as an old friend, perhaps you'll be good enough to tell me what the heck you're driving at now. Well, I'm happy to do so, Gilday. After due consideration and in full knowledge of the importance of the step that I propose, I have concluded that the time has come for me to marry. Marry? An old goat like you? Brother, the time has come and gone. The years allotted to men, my friend, are three score and ten. I still have a few left and I don't propose to waste them. Oh, certainly, six or seven. Judge, look, love is one thing. That can happen to anybody. But marry, at your age? You're not thinking of Dolores. I am. And Dolores has paid me the compliment of thinking now and then of me. Or so she tells me. But Horace, she doesn't even speak the language. Sure, she speaks the language, all right. But think how much younger she is, judge. Think what a merry chase she'd lead you. Yeah, just what I'm thinking of. Horace, I beg of you, don't rush into this. I shall not rush into it. I shall merely ask the lady this evening to do me the honor of becoming my wife, as I intended doing last evening. But did it ever occur to you, judge, she might accept? Huh? I mean, you hardly know her, judge. For all you know, she's nothing but an adventurous. Adventurous? Well, why else would she want to marry an old rooster like you? Elder Sleeve, I had intended inviting you to join Dolores and myself again this evening. I now withdraw that invitation. Good day. Oh, judge, don't go off and hop. To think of it, my old friend, the best friend I ever had, trapped by a designing woman. Shame, shame. And that poor little girl. Think of her. In the clutches of an elderly goat. Horrible. Something's got to be done. If I'd known all this last night. If I hadn't been so darn honorable. If I'd gone ahead and swept her off her feet and made her forget the judge. If I'd just grabbed her right where she stood and given her a good big smack. If I'd... Hmm. Maybe there's still time. Maybe if I worked fast. Still, I don't know, nine o'clock, how to be getting down to the waterworks. Oh, hang the waterworks. I owe it to good old Horace. I'll be right by his old friend Judge Hooker, no matter what the judge wants. And in order to help out the judge, he's enlisting the aid of his next door neighbor, Leela Ransom. Or, uh, trying to. So you see, Leela, the situation is critical. The judge is going to propose to this woman tonight. Oh, but she'd never in the world accept him, Trockmorton. Well, you never can tell what a woman will do. Hmm, that's true. Yeah, the judge is a big man in this town. She probably thinks she has money. I bet he has, too. He never spends any. She'll say yes so fast it'll make his head spin. Well, it's nothing to me, Trockmorton. I think it's entirely the judge's affair. Leela, the judge is our friend. We can't sit by and watch him make a fool of himself. How do you think we can stop him? Very simple. I make love to the girl. That is, I pretend to. I see. Then she forgets all about the judge. I've saved him. Hmm, that's all very well, Trockmorton, but who's going to save you? Oh, Leela, that's really no problem. As soon as she's sick of the judge, I drop her like a hot potato. I can just imagine. Leela, after all, we've been to each other. Do you seriously think a little fly-by-night dancing teacher could mean anything to me? Well, when you put it that way, it's nice to think I meant something to you once, Trockmorton. Well, you still do, Leela. You represent something fine, something real in my life. Yeah, a sweet person, Trockmorton. You know you are. Yeah, the one that's sweet. Oh, Trockmorton. Well, could you help me knock off this? I mean, would you help me save the judge? Well, I'll try. What is it you want me to do? Very simple. We go to the judge's house tonight. At about 8.30, you make some excuse to take him away for a little while. What kind of excuse? Really doesn't matter. Tell him you have to go to the post office and mail a letter, Leela. Only do it early, 8.30. Then when you get him out of there, I'll come in with a heavy artillery. I'm 10 and 75. Oh, hello, Mr. Gillisly. You know I've been right with you. Yeah, no hurry, Peavey. And 25 is one dollar. I thank you. You'll find the directions on the bottle there. If it doesn't work, bring it back and I'll be glad to refill it. Thank you. Now, Mr. Gillisly, what can I do for you? Uh, wait till she leaves. Good day. Call again. Now, excuse me. Uh, didn't want to say anything. Well, she could hear, Peavey, but, uh, have you got any cigarettes? Mr. Gillisly, you must be the 10th person today who's coming here and asking me for cigarettes. Well, have you got any? No, Mr. Gillisly, I haven't. Look, I know you have to say that, Peavey, but these cigarettes are not for myself. They're for a lady. Oh, a lady? Yeah, I'd like to make a little impression. Sure, I have influence, you know. Uh, what kind of cigarettes did this lady smoke, Mr. Gillisly? Oh, I don't know. Melakrinos, Fatimas, a kind of a guy. I haven't got any. Then why do you ask me what kind she smokes? Oh, that matter of interest, that's all. Peavey, by George, you're the most irritating man I know. No, no, I wouldn't say that. All right, forget the cigarettes. If there aren't any, there aren't any, that's all. Uh, Peavey, let me ask you something. We've been friends for a long time, haven't we? Yes, Mr. Gillisly, we have. I've brought you a good deal of business one way and another, haven't I? You have, and I'm very faithful. I pay my bills, and I pay them on time, don't I? Yes, Mr. Gillisly, you do. When I grew too many radishes last summer, I certainly roiled over the basket, didn't I? Yes, and we enjoyed them very much. If you were ever sick or in trouble, you'd know you could count on me for help, wouldn't you? Yes, I believe I could. Then how about some cigarettes? Mr. Gillisly, I have no cigarettes. And there's no use looking under the counter. I just thought you might have forgotten. I wish I knew where I could get some, though. Yes, sir, if I knew a man who'd sell me a carton of cigarettes, I'd consider him a friend for life, Peavey. I'd do anything for him. Make it worth his while, too. One pack, Peavey, just one pack! Mr. Gillisly, perhaps you haven't heard. There's a shortage. No cigarettes. None, whatever. None in the basement, none in the attic, none under the counter, none buried in the backyard. None! All right, Peavey, I'll take your word for it. No harm in asking. Better be going, I guess. Wait! Yes? What's that bose in your pocket? Marks a cough drop. Care for one? Oh, nuts! Goodbye, Peavey. Goodbye, Mr. Gillisly. I'm making and using evening for a change, and we just stayed here by ourselves and enjoyed the fire. How'd that sound to you? Well, if that is what you'd like. And by and by, we can have some cider and donuts. That sound like fun. Well, of course, if you'd rather go rushing around town making whoopie, I'm your man for that, too. Ding, ding, ding! Oh, no, no, no, that's not bother. Well, now don't give in, just please me, dolly. Oh, no! You're the queen, you know. My only endeavor is to please your gracious Majesty. Fine. Sleepy. It's the fire does that. You know, dolly, there's something been on my mind that I want to talk to you about. Something quite serious. Oh, no, no, no, Horace, nothing serious, please. Let's just be comfortable, eh? I know, but this is something quite important, dolly. It might well prove to be a turning point to a... Well, that is... Oh, the doorbell. The thickens cannot be. Well, go and find out, silly. Yes, I'll have to. Could always be a telegram or something. That's a surprise, Judge. This is just a surprise, indeed. Come on in quickly. Let's shut the door. It's cold. Oh, gone you gilder sleeve. If you didn't have real with you, I wouldn't let you in. Yeah. Where shall we put our coats, Horace? Well, Miss Delray, I didn't know you were going to be here. Oh, good evening, Mr. Gilder sleeve. We have visitors that see Mr. Loris. Miss Delray, may I present Mrs. Renson? I am very happy to meet you. Well, I'm surely pleased to meet you, Miss Delray. Honestly, it will be such a relief to have another girl around him, of these two boys fighting over me. I can remember when the judge was runner up in the Leela Ransom sweepstakes. I usually hear Gilder sleeve. Only kidding, Horace. Well, a nice cozy fire. Sit down, Leela. Sit down, Delray. May I sit down too, Mr. Gilder sleeve? Please? Oh, certainly. Go ahead, Horace. Make yourself at home. Some nerve. Well, folks, what'll we do for a little excitement? How about a game of spin the platter? Or post office? We could all play that. Oh, now, Schrockmorton, I doubt if Miss Delray knows that game. I bet I could teach you the main idea in a hurry. It is a kissing game, no? That's right, Deloris. It's a child's game here in America. My, my. These American children. I think we ought to play games anyway, Schrockmorton. After all, we are all grown up. How about a nice game of charades? That would be fun. Yeah, let's play charades. Here's one. Who am I? I supply my own sound effects, too. He's washing and stood up in the bow of the boat when he crossed the Delaware. No, why? His pants were too tight to sit down. If I haven't sacked the first time I heard that joke, I laughed so hard I fell out of my cradle. All right then, Judge, here's another one. Why is a kiss over the telephone like a straw hat? Anybody know? Because it isn't felt. You just couldn't think of it. That's the hard part, Judge. Well, what do we do now? Oh, no. Oh, sing great. Now, there's an idea I just cannot see at all. Oh, come on, Judge. I'll play the piano. Huh? Schrockmorton, you don't have to shove me off the bench. Well, Lila, it's 8.30. Go ahead and get the judge out of here. Not just not. Lila, you promised. Oh, here's a song, folks, right here. You ever heard it before? Neither did I. Let me play it for you, Mr. Gildersley. Yeah, let the lores play it, Lila. She plays like a million dollars. You play and I'll sing, huh? Uh-huh. What's the matter, Lila? Let me handle this, Judge. Come here a minute, Lila. What's the big idea? The way y'all can on with that woman. For goodness' sake, that's part of the plan. She doesn't mean a thing to me, Lila. She doesn't mean any more to me than you do. Schrockmorton brought you. I wouldn't allow Mr. Gildersley to escort me as far as that door. Lila, you misunderstood me. Can't you stay, Lila? I'm sorry, Horace. We never should have come here in the first place. Well, be that as it may, and I'm not disagreeing with you. I am enough of a gentleman to see your home. Will you excuse me for a few moments, Lila? Oh, certainly. You'll leave? Will you excuse me if I behave as a gentleman should? Go ahead and be a gentleman, you old galt. This is very sweet of you, Horace. Good night, Miss Delray. Good night. You were very nice to Mrs. Ranton, Mr. Gildersley. Well, she's just jealous. Oh, why should she be jealous? Yeah. What about last night? Oh, what about it? You might not have guessed it, but I had half a notion to slip you a quick kiss there. Oh, I missed your Gildersley. You've got a half a notion to do it right now. Oh, no, no, no, not so fast. Why don't we dance? Will you dance with me last night? Come on, how about a little rumba lesson? Well... Come on, what do I do first? Oh, first you... You put your right arm around my waist, like this. My right arm... Not so tight. You certainly got back fast. Yeah, faster than you anticipated, evidently. Oh, I was giving him a rumba lesson, Horacito. Why did you get back so soon? I put the lady in a taxicab. I was wondering if you'd push her in front of a truck. Here. Well, I'm sorry to interrupt your rumba lesson, Gilder, but it happens that I've paid for a course of lessons with Ms. Delray, and I believe that I shall start now. Well, you take it easy, Judge. I bought the course, too. Well, I insist I'm going first. I have already started. I'm going first. I'm going first. Boys, boys, boys, don't fight. You can both have a lesson. Yeah, but I want mine first. I want mine first. No, no, no, no. There is nothing to fight about. Look, now I play the music. Huh? I put my... Oh! Radio service.