 about 20 times a day for me. There are times when I'm talking to somebody and things are still just a little bit blurry. I'm not sure if I got the whole picture of what they're talking about or if we're actually on the same page and so I find it very helpful to seek some clarity in that and one really simple way to do that is through what's called a perception check. So in this video I'd like to just explain very quickly the perception check to you and explain some of the value of it. So the perception check basically is just a way for you to check your understanding of a situation and in an assertive but non-aggressive way to just state your view of something and your perception of things and compare it with the other persons and ask for some clarity then. So it's very very simple. It's only three steps. There's three steps to the perception check but it's very simple but very effective here. So the first step in a perception check is just a description of the behavior. So you're just describing what it is that's happening. Maybe it's happening before and now it's happening again and it shouldn't be or it's what's happening differently. What you see though in your view as what exactly is happening we want to be sure here we're speaking in in kind of factual tones and description of the behavior not our evaluation of what that means or whether it's good or bad or whatever but just actually matter of factly stating what is happening in that situation. Here's what I see happening in the situation. So description of the behaviors is step one. Step two is to provide two possible interpretations for that behavior and it's important that you have two possible interpretations. It's not really important that you get one of them right that one of them be the actual thing that's happening necessarily or the reason that it's happening that it be the correct interpretation but having two interpretations lets that person know that you're open to possibilities here right that you're not you're not painting them in a corner and saying look this is what you're doing this is what's not happening right now and this is why you're not assigning blame not assigning intention or meaning to that necessarily you're just saying I don't know if it's this or if it's this and and opening that door to the possibility that it could be something else and that's really important that the other person not feel like they're being trapped or backed into a corner there. Then the third step is very very simply just a request for clarification in that situation just kind of so what's what's happening here what's going on so it can be a simple as just opening the door for them to take over the dialogue and explain you know from their perspective and to share what they're experiencing there. So that's it that's just the three steps description of the behavior offering two possible interpretations of that behavior and then a request for clarification. So let's run through an example here too. So let's say that you work in an office and the office where you work you have this special stapler and it's a special red stapler and you love it but this guy that you work with he keeps coming by and taking the stapler and you don't know why but but you know keeps coming by and taking the stapler should you actually talk to him about it and you say look Bill I need you to stop taking my stapler this is my special stapler and you've taken it several times I would really appreciate it if you would not and he says oh no problem my bad I won't take the stapler anymore I didn't know meant that much to you and then a couple weeks later though he comes by he takes a stapler again and so you know later on when you see me say you say Bill look you took my stapler again what's happening here what why did you take my stapler because you know you a couple weeks ago said you would not take the stapler we talked about this two weeks ago you said that's your stapler I understand that it's special to you and I won't take it anymore then this morning I came in and it's gone and I see that you have it so again matter of factly not saying you know not calling them names not doing anything like that just this is what happened we had this discussion and and now this is what's happened in this situation currently then offer two possible interpretations right so we would describe the behavior so I'm not sure if it's just that you forgot that conversation or if you just you know decided to take it anyway you know what so you're offering two opportunities two possibilities again whether or not one of them is actually the correct interpretation is less important than the idea that you're open to the possibility of something other than what's specifically on your mind and then to request clarification you say so so what's happening here what happened that you have the stapler again this time and then you're opening that door for that person to then discuss what happened again it's assertive but it's not aggressive theoretically it wouldn't put that person in a defensive position at least not automatically and not some people still get their backup but but the idea is to have an assertive but not aggressive way to approach that situation and clarify the meaning and the intention of the other person so that we're not just making assumptions so again the three steps description of the behavior two possible interpretations that behavior and then a request for clarification a very very simple process for perception check but I'm telling you it can be of assistance to you on a daily basis to make sure that you have a clear picture of what's happening in a particular situation especially when there are potentially more than one interpretation of what's happening you want to make sure that you clarify that and that you're getting on the same page at least getting that other person's perspective on what's happening if you have questions about the perception check or anything else related to perception please feel free to shoot me an email love to hear from you via email and happy to discuss it with you there in the meantime I hope that you will put this work that you'll put the perception check to work and and find some use for it it's a it's a really simple but really effective way to make sure that you're understanding the perception of the other person in a situation