 Hello, my people welcome to the score channel. It's a pleasure to be on the internets with you once again tonight today We are going to be working on the IELTS in particular We're gonna work on the IELTS writing part 1 and part 2 today So I'm gonna show you guys everything you need to know to get good marks on this horribly complex writing test I'm just kidding. It's actually not that bad It's a little scary for people at first because that especially that first task which we're gonna get into but Honestly the writing test on the IELTS is not that difficult and one of the things I like about it is that it gives you 60 minutes to use as you please so you can really take your time as you practice and get to know which task is easier for you and Kind of approach it with your own strategies But what I want to focus on today is how to write these and what they're looking for when they go and give you grades now For those of you who haven't taken the IELTS before they grade each section of the test out of nine points So it's pretty rare. Honestly. I haven't seen anybody get eight point five or higher on the writing portion of the test I've worked with a lot of people and even really really strong writers struggle to get above eight You know, it's you kind of almost have to be a native speaker or close to it to get that sort of score But an eight is certainly possible and I think that if you follow some tips It's really easy to go from like a five point five or a six to a seven or seven point five Or maybe even an eight and it just is all about understanding what they're looking for on the test And I think that something that most people don't realize is that that information is public. It's not a mystery So I'm gonna break it down for you today. I'm gonna show you exactly what's up and how and then I'm gonna model these I'm gonna write them for you so that you guys can see what it looks like to write a decent You know response to task one and task two. We'll talk about the challenges in each. So let's get into it I want to show you guys right here the rubric for the IELTS writing tasks I think this is I left the links in the description by the way So if you want to check those out yourself you can I think a lot of people don't realize that these exist and They have a conception of what they think they should do on these tests, but they've probably never looked at this document So I want to show you a little bit about what it says here kind of what we're looking for just for the record We're focusing on the IELTS academic because there's really no reason to take the general Test so You'll notice that sometimes they have an a or a gt that gt is for the general test a is for the Academic test. So we're just gonna focus on the a stuff. I want to go down a little bit though Because I want to start with some of the lower band items where you might be right now But notice that there's a few different categories here. There is task achievement. I'll zoom in on this a little bit more for you guys Task achievement is essentially did you do what they asked you to do? simple as that Coherence and cohesion do does your work flow smoothly from one idea to the next? Is it logical? Are you using connectors to help transition from one idea to the next? Is it organized in a way that helps you explain your ideas? And then we have a lexical resource, which is essentially vocabulary. What vocabulary do you use? Do you use it correctly? Do you use you know the same word over and over again? Or are you using maybe more diverse vocabulary and finally grandma grammatical range and accuracy? Essentially is just asking about grammar now a lot of people look at this and think oh man I have to have perfect grammar or I have to have like perfect spelling and vocabulary. No, you don't You can look up here at the nine band and you'll see that They say rare minor errors are just slips little mistakes, you know Same thing here. So you can actually get a perfect score while making small mistakes I always encourage people to stop worrying so much about grammar and vocabulary I think a lot of people go into the test with the mindset that they have to have those things perfect when in reality These items are a little more important. I think and and I'll go down a little bit to show you what I mean I'm gonna start out at the five because honestly if you're if you're at the four then you're struggling with the basic concept of writing I mean This means you didn't cover all the points in the writing task So if you're not covering all the points in the writing task or you know, there's no clear progression like no logic I mean that goes beyond your English level. That's that's a little bit more of how you understand writing I want to start out at the five So the five starts out with this idea of generally addressing the task if you're not very specific Then you're not going to you know get a high score recounts detail Mechanically that means just like I just repeat what I see in the task and I don't really think about it I don't give it some bigger meaning Then we see over here when we're talking about cohesion it talks about some organization, but there's a lack of progression There's no sort of flow to it. Maybe you're not using your connector words your cohesive devices correctly Maybe you're being repetitive You know because you're saying the same things over and over again Those are easy mistakes to fix people Limited range of vocabulary, but it's minimally adequate. So again minimally adequate vocabulary like bare minimum Vocabulary is good enough to get you a five So if your vocabulary is even decent, you'll probably be able to get a higher score So that's why I say focus on these first two items before you worry about this stuff Noticable errors. Here's the question. Do they cause confusion for the reader if it causes some difficulty That's gonna bring your score down, but if it does not impede communication if it's just a little error where I go, huh? That's okay There's not a big deal Same thing with grammar, you know If you try to use some complex structures, but you kind of mess it up Then you're some you know your simple stuff is better or you're making frequent errors that cause some difficulty You're gonna get that five So if your grammar and vocabulary are good enough to where you could communicate your ideas without Confusing the reader at all even if you're just using basic sentence structures, you can get a six The other things you're gonna have to do though are make sure you address all the requirements of the task and that you give an Overview on this first task kind of a big picture introduction, right? We're gonna show how to do that with an example in just a few minutes Here when we talk about cohesion it says that we arrange information and ideas Coherently so there's a logical way to order these ideas, you know Maybe I go big to small or I identify some key points and then I develop them You know cohesive devices connectors. I'm using them effectively, but maybe it's not perfect all the time So it's pretty easy to get up to this level To get up into that seven territory or higher then you'll notice that we need a clear overview of trends differences or stages task one is gonna show you some data and ask you to sort of process that data and Trends or stages some sort of progression in the data is what you want to look for That's really what it takes to get up here and that means you have to be a little bit more analytical You can't just sit there and describe what you see you have to go beyond that and identify some patterns or Some sort of tendency in the data that they give you now The organization now is logical throughout it's you know, there might be some mistakes with your connectors, but it's there I think this is actually quite easy to get to and and when it comes to vocabulary and grammar They basically just look for variety, right or a sufficient range against sufficient They're not even asking for a broad range of vocabulary. They do that here at the eight band a wide range so as long as you can sprinkle in some different kinds of words and you're not repeating the same basic words over and over and You know, you could do a couple of different grammar structures Maybe some past present future maybe a conditional you're gonna be able to get into that seven range So I feel like a lot of people struggle to get this score in writing But I think most of the time it's because they don't understand What the test is looking for and this is the information you need right here. So Just to talk about that eight really quickly Again, this one is you know, really well done with the task. Your information is well organized. It's logical Your cohesive connectors are excellent and they're they're well used. You're using paragraphs I emphasize that a lot paragraphs are important. Don't underestimate those those how you order your paragraphs will have an impact on this grade as well So that's essentially what we're looking to do with this test is to try to cover all the requirements Do so in a logical organized way, you know Make making use of paragraphs and different connecting words trying to throw out some different vocabulary words here and there Diversify things similarly with our grammar try to sprinkle in some structures that are a little more complex And I'm gonna make an effort to show that to you right now so what I decided to do because I can't help but self-promote is To use this chart. So when you take a part one Task one on the writing test, they're gonna give you some data though Usually give you one or two pieces of data. Maybe it's a chart that shows the evolution of something over time Maybe there's two pieces. They want you to contrast. They might give you the same data, but across different regions So you're gonna get some kind of visual Information and it's your job to analyze that information and identify those trends here I've given you a chart and a table that explains some of the things of the chart The prompt also may have more information about that data. So make sure you read the prompt carefully This is the prompt that I wrote for my image and by the way This is coming from the video that's coming out Thursday If you guys haven't seen the first episode of why Peruvian education sucks You should see that but this week we're focusing on private schools and how some of them are not as good as you would think And this is one of the charts from that video. So consider this a little teaser for you Now my prompt says the chart above shows the performance of schools on a standardized test Public schools are compared with private schools across different price ranges There are lines for poor performance adequate performance and excellent performance I'm assuming that's the red yellow and green lines that we see here Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant write at least 150 words Before we go into this, I want to talk about this word thing here. They just said write at least 150 I'm going to tell you right now that 150 is not at all what you need to write If you really want to get a good score You should try to add at least 50 to that number. Try to get at least 225 or more That's what I've noticed people who write at least that much are more likely to get a six or seven or higher If you just do 150 that's Going to not be enough. There's more that you can say about this data And if that's all you could do odds are you're going to get a five five and a half So understand that that is a recommendation for a minimum But we want to go beyond the minimum Okay, very important to do that so With that in mind I want to talk about how i'm going to approach this writing out how i'm going to handle this so One of the things that I want to do again going back to my rubric. I want to try to identify Trends differences or stages, right? So I want to kind of outline my work just a little bit before I start here And i'm going to kind of move this up here a little bit more so you can see it So I want to think about a few variables or things that I could talk about first of all There's the you know cost factor I see that you know More money in private schools Equals better performance That's one point that I might want to make here Then we also have the performance factor All right performance preferring to those lines like only two groups Go above the top level The rest are kind of down here in the yellow and red levels. So that's not great Maybe I could talk a little bit about that So I've got the cost factor. I've got the performance factor And and so I could work on those in in my writing here I might dedicate a paragraph to each one of those to describe those trends or those differences that I'm seeing, you know Um, I may also want to point out some of the differences in maybe comparing. I might try to compare Compare a group or two I would like to compare the public and mid-range for example in this case because I think it's interesting That they both have the same scores but have very wildly different realities. So that's essentially how I'm going to approach my Writing here. These are the points that I want to develop And so it's really important for you to stop and think about those before you start writing Okay, don't just jump right in because that's how you screw up cohesion If you do not plan your work, it will not be organized And if it's not organized say goodbye to your sevens and eights. Okay, you're gonna get You're gonna get this you're gonna get Coherently, but there's a you know, maybe you might even end up down here a lack of overall progression If you don't see Sort of what you're working towards you're not going to get that progression So what I'm trying to work towards here is this idea that you know, and I might even move this up here Because I think it's interesting like this would make sense right public Get to the mid-range and then work on the last two groups that go above that top level So that would give me a kind of nice progression Sort of focusing on you know, big picture here private versus public And then comparing a specific set of groups finally looking at the last two groups And I sort of go up the scale. I think that could work So now that I have all this stuff figured out the other thing I want to think about is my intro Um, and so what I want to do here is just describe a little bit like describe a bit of what I see in the chart And report some of those main features and maybe try to throw out some sort of like Take on this. What's the um, you know, what's the big takeaway and try to present that as maybe the thesis of this argument So we're gonna start right now. I'm gonna start with that introduction So and and the introduction should not just repeat what it says here I want to try to change that a little bit. So I'll show you what I mean And I want to go up and just check on that the Okay, so here I'm just giving a quick overview of All of these things that I see in the chart, right? Just a real quick breakdown like, okay Performance differences between private and public education sectors private schools have different performance levels And we can see how each group performs according to the benchmarks, which are those lines on the chart I'm trying to use a little bit of vocabulary there by saying benchmarks, for example And again, I'm trying not to repeat myself too much. It's something that's important I may want to go back and edit the fact that I have differences in different performances So, you know, a wildly different is Like a phrase that I can't quite change on its own, but Um, I could change this for example to variances There we go. So trying to diversify my vocabulary a little bit as I go So I want to finish this off with that sort of takeaway, right? I want to do do my little description and then a takeaway Main idea what what's this main idea here? Okay, so that's my first kind of like main idea here And we can we can go right into this and again, this is how we build cohesion I make this point at the end of one paragraph And then I start the next paragraph sort of referring to that point and developing it further, right? So And I have the prices here and this other table again, you might have more than one piece of data So you want to make sure you use all of that to your advantage So right here I have like and this is real data, by the way that I put together So right here. I see these low cost schools, for example Uh are down to 50 to 250. I know it's so late. I'm gonna put that in there And I go up to the chart and I see it's about like halfway between I don't have the exact number And I might try to just make a price comparison here. So we see like Okay, it's about six times seven times Okay So again, I'm I'm trying to show this point that when you put more money in you get better performance Okay, so again, I want to talk about this idea of using different, you know Connectors, I'm saying therefore initially, however, for instance And so trying to put some of those in there is a good way for me to improve my cohesion and coherence and really lift up that Great, but the other thing I'm trying to do a little bit here is focus on, you know, some of the grammar structures For example by adding this uh, non-dependent clause as we call that Comma whose results are by far the best in the survey I'm showing that I can use a couple of other structures here I can add some extra information with a wh word for instance Um, most of this so far has been in present tense, but I might change that up now as I go into this next section, so I'm pretty sure that's right Okay, so again, I'm kind of trying to tease my next paragraph right once we reach the final two groups We see a significant disparity and that's where I'm going to talk about those final two groups So again, I've tried to sort of establish this Okay, as we put more money the quality improves but still that doesn't make it better than public schools all the time They beat the low cost schools and also match level mid-range Um, I would and I try to throw in a little wood here. One would expect I'm again I'm trying to diversify my grammar use some different structures. All right So at this point by the way, where are we on the word count? We are at 207 so this is exactly what you should be looking to do, you know I typically try to aim for about four paragraphs. I may go five on this Uh, but the last part is just to talk about those Two groups going above the top level. Again, I want to talk about all the main features They're not going to tell me exactly what those main features are But one of those is clearly these performance lines on the chart I should talk about those if I miss those then we're going back to this issue where maybe I miss Some of the, you know parts of the task, right? Maybe details Maybe an irrelevant or an accurate or here inadequately covers So I want to make sure that I'm covering all the points that I can find here And so I have price which I've talked about I've got the performance bars in different groups Which I've talked about I haven't really touched on the level of performance yet And so I have to make sure I do that before I'm done with this task So we'll do that right now And now I'm switching to past tense by the way just because we're talking about a test that they took So I think it's safe to say that this happened in the past and since I'm talking about their specific performance And we're not talking about generalities about the groups. I think it's better to start showing off some different tenses here So that's why I'm switching to past Okay, so my little conclusion here where I'm just wrapping things up And again, I told you I wanted I want you to try to get at least 225 words here And I definitely got past that with this paragraph So at this point we're just in the gravy zone, you know, we're just getting extra Extra words in here that matter because one of the things you'll notice again If we go back to that rubric it says that we need like some conclusions or some sort of like, you know Logical outcomes of these things, right? They're talking about, you know highlighting key features But could be more fully extended. How can we fully extend it? Let's think to the future a little bit And so what again what I'm trying to do is at the end of this paragraph I'm asking a question This is another way to throw a different structure into my writing and then Focusing on the answer for that question, right? So clearly, okay. We need to invest money in education Maybe if the sector were more well funded, I made a little mistake there I should have probably hyphenated that it would be able to reach again I'm using a hypothetical, you know second conditional tense if the public sector were more well funded It would be able to reach the same level At the moment, it seems like the public sector receives funding similar to that of the mid-range schools and has similar results So these are some conclusions. Do I have Hard fast data that confirms that the public sector doesn't get this fund? I don't but I'm making that conclusion Based on what I see here. The trend is that more money equals more performance So I can assume the mid-range schools are probably getting around the same amount of money as the public schools Seems reasonable, you know to assume that based on what I've seen here So this example right here is now 328 words and I think that would be a lot for you to write On this isle's writing task one. I don't necessarily expect you to get to that point I think the important thing though is the process So my process first is to plan out the points that I want to make Organize those points remember that I moved this one Originally I had that below the other one and I thought it made more sense to put it before So that I could transition more smoothly into my last point and then I worked on my introduction What's the main idea here? Which is that more money results improve and I kind of bring that idea back home at the end and give a couple hypotheticals or you know sort of Assumptions based on what I've seen in that data Everything else is strictly focused on the data I make sure that I cover all the key variables the performance the different costs of the different schools And also the performance levels that are outlined by those lines Generally, there's gonna be You know some of these are easier than others Sometimes you're gonna get one that is really easy for you to figure out and you're gonna be able to Kind of identify those variables right away and start working some of them are gonna be a little trickier Okay, the thing is practice Like do as much practice as you can. There's a ton of IELTS material out there that'll make it easier for you So if there's one one piece of advice, it would be practice as much as you can Fortunately, the IELTS hasn't really changed its test in like a decade So you can find lots of old materials for these part one tasks. Um, but Something else I want to point out Is that we shouldn't spend too much time on this task Okay part one is only one third of your final grade All right, so it's it's not like the TOEFL where task one and task two are equally weighted 50 50 And the IELTS you get a third of your grade from the first task and two thirds from your second task You get one hour to do both so you really want to make sure that you have More time to work on task two. It's gonna be longer You're gonna have to think about it a little more and it's gonna be more important for your grade So Let's jump into the rubric for task two so you can see exactly what it's about. Okay, so The thing about task two is that it's going to be just an open ended question where you can sort of pick aside or Sort of choose your argument in a way and I'm going to show you two different types of prompts So you can see how they phrase these but Like before I want to show you what what's on this rubric So again link in the description task response Similar to the one before right we talked about like task achievement. Did you how did you respond to the task coherence and cohesion same category? Are we using paragraphs or we're using cohesive devices like connecting words? Right lexical resource same deal. This is almost word for word exactly the same as the other Same with grammatical range and accuracy. So again same criteria the big difference is going to be in the task response side because Task two doesn't give you Specific words to say they don't give you data that you must use You have to come up with it and that means you got to come up with your ideas and outline better on your own You don't have anything to go off of so What they're looking for here is a well developed response with relevant extended and supported ideas There are two mistakes that I see people make with this test all the time number one is this Presents a clear position throughout the response This is tricky on iELTS task two. I'm gonna show you why but All too often I see people who are afraid to take a stand who are afraid to say one way or the other And they end up writing an essay that sounds very vague and very Indecisive like I think it depends on the situation because sometimes it can be like this and sometimes it can be like that Don't do that Okay, whatever you do pick a side and go hard All right, but as we will see you will have to consider other points of view That's why it says addresses all parts of the task So this is tricky to balance because you have to keep a clear position in your writing But you also have to talk about the other side's point of view So we'll talk about how you can do that effectively, right? um If some parts may be more fully covered than others that's going to bring down your grades So make sure that you're trying to kind of balance those different points of view as you write So that's the first big mistake is not having a clear position And then I think the second big mistake is not getting specific enough with your ideas You'll see that in the seven and six they say things like Tendency to over generalize or the ideas may lack focus So we need to support our opinions and ideas with clear examples that we develop and really explain You know So I often use a sort of pattern that I call statement support I make a statement and I give support for it and I make a statement and I give support for it And so we'll see how to do that as we write this The other stuff here is very much the same. The only real differences is that there's a little bit more Emphasis on paragraphs on task two. They say clear central topic within each paragraph So make sure your first sentence for each paragraph sort of announces that topic. Okay This one here says uses para para graphing, but not always logically if your paragraphs don't always make sense Or they don't seem like they go together. You can see yourself dropping into that six band So again, if we have good organization and good development and a clear position You should have no problem getting to that seven level as long as your vocabulary and your grammar are decent They don't even have to be great. They don't have to be amazing decent is good enough people. We'll take decent. Okay So let's do it. Let's let's look at our options I'm gonna show you guys two Different prompts because I want you to see how they word these okay These are from actual practice tests and I want you to see how they're phrased the first one says Many governments think that economic progress is the most important goal Some people however think that other types of progress are equally important So notice what they're doing here. They're giving you two choices and they're asking you to pick one We need a clear position But they're also asking you to discuss both these views So I need to make sure That I address both views The same thing happens in the second prompt, but the difference with the second prompt is Kind of like the way it's phrased is a little sneakier, but it's the same basic thing. Okay Some people claim that not enough of the waste from homes is recycled They say that the only way to increase recycling is for governments to make it a legal requirement To what extent do you think laws are needed to make people recycle more of their waste? So notice that this one says to what extent if I imagine the question on a spectrum, right No is we don't need any laws to make people recycle and the extreme is like we need death penalty for people who don't recycle Like we need super strict laws with heavy fines and punishments and like that would be the other extreme, right? So when you see that to what extent immediately plan your spectrum. What is what are the two extremes? Where do you want to land? All right, and you can present your essay that way You can present your essay by looking at the two extremes and then landing somewhere in the middle if you want But again, it's very important that you don't sound like you're contradicting yourself or that you don't have a clear position So you can explore that gray area between the two extremes, but I think it's important to make sure that your position is clear. Don't make it seem like you're not sure I would generally recommend going to one extreme I think that you should go hard in one direction because it'll make it easier to write and I'll show you what I mean by that um, so Given these two choices, right? I might we'll see how time goes today. Maybe I'll write both for you But I want to start with this one because this is more commonly the type of prompt that I see when people take the test So I want to talk about this discuss both these views. So we're going to work on this one for a moment and I'll show you how I would do it so Economic progress other types of progress notice that they didn't define other types of progress So I have the freedom to define that term and this is another thing you need to think about is like what haven't they told me What can I fill in here? So again, I'm going to start kind of planning my My ideas, right? So economic progress versus other kinds of progress And my answer is going to be that other kinds in particular happiness and longevity, okay So I'm going to I'm going to focus on these two variables. These are my definitions of like a successful country Right that I'm going to use so I'm thinking about my That's going to go into my introduction right here. And then I want to think about my Body paragraphs, so I typically recommend a five paragraph structure I would do in this case two paragraphs about my ideas, but one paragraph about the other side's ideas All right, and I typically would do this like this my idea number one Is going to be the happiness factor And my idea number two is the longevity factor By longevity, I mean lifespan. How long do people live? I think that's important. Okay What good is economic growth if everybody's dead? He said after a pandemic and a bunch of People basically said, yeah, that's fine. We can have economic growth if everyone dies. Who cares? I'm sidetracking. Sorry so their idea Economic growth. All right And so this way I'm framing the debate. I'm saying, okay I will acknowledge your side's views, but I'm also going to refute those Okay, I'm going to destroy those ideas. I'm going to present them But I'm also going to destroy them because if I just present them as if they're good arguments Then I'm undermining my position. I'm literally saying, yeah, I'm right. I'm right except I'm not And that's going to ruin your whole idea your your whole cohesion of your essay So you should acknowledge the other side's views, but you need to argue for your view So that your position stays clear That's the thing. I think I see people screw up a lot so my conclusion We'll talk about how to do this as well because this is really important for the task too But the conclusion needs to think forward think to the future. Okay recommendations Call to action One thing I cannot stand is when people write a conclusion that just repeats everything they said in the body I know that's what a lot of us were taught in school But a lot of schools suck and I'm making videos about that. Look What you don't want to do is repeat yourself. Okay repetitive is down here in the foreband Do you want to be down in the four? No, you don't if they're irrelevant then that's the same thing So look at this conclusions may be repetitive six Like if your conclusion just repeats everything you just said you're screwing up bad. All right, so don't do that I'm gonna show you how to do it instead. All right, so my introduction I want to present the Kind of the problem that they give me the problem here is that many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal all right, so I like to start with a question. It's good to start with a hook, you know Okay, so this is my introduction that I just whipped up here and I want to show you why I think this works We're starting off with a question and that question is going to get the reader to think and I I really like to stress this You are writing a paper that a real human being is going to read and you should think about that human being that poor person that poor miserable person has to read hundreds of these every day and most of them probably suck and Honestly, few of them engage the reader, you know, and I get it. You're taking a test. You're stressed You're thinking about, you know, just getting a good score But remember that there's a person that grades this and people no matter how hard they try to follow these rubrics People are subjective creatures. Okay, they if you make them feel Appreciated recognized part of the writing. I guarantee that's going to help your grade because Not only is it a different structure. I'm using a question But I'm engaging the reader. I'm getting them more interested in what I have to say And they're going to enjoy reading that more and that happy feeling in their belly when they're done Could lead to an extra half point for you. Okay, I'm not going to lie I've corrected hundreds of essays probably thousands in my life as a teacher. I know this is true Even if there are flaws, I will overlook them a little bit if it made me feel like I was involved as a reader So let me show you what I mean This question is asking them to think about something that I guarantee they've heard before Politicians are always talking about creating jobs or how the stock market's doing so great and how it's like they always talk about economics, right? So I presented it that way and then I sort of reiterate that idea from the prompt that Many governments economic growth seems to be the only measurement for success. Make sure you don't Like repeat exactly what it said in the prompt. I rephrased it using my own words And then I I explained my view. This is a flawed way to see the world And we'd be much better off as a society focusing on other factors. I haven't said those factors yet I'm gonna get into them. Okay, but I've teased it and I think I've given you guys like a clear Point that I disagree with this point of view. I will acknowledge it, but You know, I'm gonna present my own prop ideas here. So First idea happiness, right? All right, so I've just whipped up this sort of example about why happiness is more valuable than economic growth And so I start out with this statement, right? Again, first sentence really needs to drive home What this paragraph is going to be about it's going to be about happy being being happy, right? So I need to make an argument for why happiness is more valuable than economic growth From the perspective of like which is better for governments, right? So I use this logical question to sort of get people thinking about it first If governments are supposed to represent the people shouldn't they also represent our goals? And I've made the point that our goal is to be happy, right? Everybody wants to be happy So why aren't they trying to make us happy, right? Our our happiness ought to be paramount ought to be the most important thing for politicians status and then I go into some More details about this, right? I point out some examples of countries like finland or denmark as the happiest countries on earth and that their needs Are met by the government meanwhile contrast countries that focus more on economic growth We find many of their citizens struggle to pay for basic necessities like health care in the united states. So I've used examples. I've contrasted those examples, right? I'm using my logical connectors like meanwhile, right? I'm using some different structures like you know using shouldn't and ought to be I'm trying to and again my comma which trick that I showed you just a few minutes ago So I'm I'm trying to link my ideas clearly and I'm trying to use these you know again statement support statement support So This is you know sort of statement here support I'm using that same back and forth pattern of statement and support to get this Paragraph developed and I think this is a pretty well developed paragraph right now I'm probably going to leave this and keep working on the next ones We'll go back and see how much we have and if we need to add more So Longevity factor is number two Okay, so at this point. I got a little bit of data on I'm going with Japan here is my example Right, they've got one of the longest life expectancies It's one where we've seen significant investments in clean public transportation There's pollution medical inferiority people and campaigns to encourage people to exercise and eat healthy So I'm again my statement support, right? I'm trying to say here that okay I know the lifespan is Something that you can look at with a lot of factors, but what the government does Has an impact, right? So What I've done here is just to get in contrast with another example So I really like to do that I like to look at two different sides of the coin right two Two examples that sort of show my point one that shows What can happen if we do what I say and one that shows what doesn't happen, right? This is actually true by the way For those who don't know This is this a fact life expect to see the United States has actually dropped recently just due to Some of these things and and the way it's been managed poorly So while you see other countries saying hey, let's try to do things that will help our citizens live longer Healthier lives you got other countries that say hey not my problem And uh, we see a big difference in the results there So at this point, I think I've made it really clear that my two points are pretty solid But now I got to go into their idea. I got to go into economic growth So What I what I like to do is sort of present the What they would say to respond to this argument, right? How would they reply? All right So Okay, so I'm I'm presenting their argument And I'm gonna acknowledge it a little bit. I want to I want to give them a little bit Okay, I don't want to be totally a jackoff. So So I'm gonna acknowledge one little point You know And I'm gonna do this too to make that point transition a little better So I'm kind of taking their argument. What argument would they give me? And that's why I like to use wood in this paragraph and then I say, okay Well, it'll trickle down to the average person And and of course, okay. Yeah, people need good jobs to pay them good money. I get that But here's my contrast economic growth does not affect everyone equally. Okay. I'm gonna kind of hit that point. So Okay, so I'm finishing off my point by just saying here that you know Okay, we have this massive economic growth, but the average person's not getting a benefit from it Instead we see billionaires like Jeff Bezos and Elon Musk getting massive fortunes And that's not a good thing. I know that some people like to think that billionaires are a good thing, but um, it's not Okay, I'm not trying to become one either so Here I've I've managed to present the other side's views and I've even acknowledged where they have a good point But then I point out the flaw in their logic and I I give a good example Here with like these people and so by doing that I've managed to Refute the other side's views and make my position even stronger Right. So we'll get to our conclusion. We want to think to the future and by so I want to think about what would happen if I was right if we just did everything I said, huh, what a wonderful world that would be guys if if everybody just did what I said If I was just like the world supreme dictator, oh, it'd be such a better world You guys would love it. We'd have so much fun Alas, I cannot do that that job doesn't exist yet since supreme ruler of the world is not a job yet. I can't have it someday okay, so the two things I try to do are look to the future and Imagine what would change if my idea is correct So I give this I like to do an if statement if country's focused on individual outcomes rather than dollars and cents We'd see a better quality of living for everyone and those people Who are previously struggling to survive could instead contribute more meaningfully to the economy, right? so we get our economic growth by doing my thing and Perhaps they feel secure enough to start a business or a minute new product or service. I am hypotheism Hypothesizing. Yeah And I finish off with a strong statement and a call to action to do a call to action You want to start a sentence with a verb that commands the reader to do something If you do this, I guarantee you're going to finish your essay way stronger Okay, the person reading this is going to be like, oh man, damn that was that was impressive And they're going to walk away Feeling a sensation of like this was a really good essay and they're going to give you a good grade Because this right here is something few people do it's it's a tried and true strategy in marketing and and I know because I write a lot of content for marketing And it's something that works really well I think on these tests as well like when you give the reader a piece of advice or an instruction They they will keep thinking about it and that's going to have an impact on them overall So how many words did I write? I wrote 465 dang man Now they said at least 250 I say at least slap another 50 percent on top of that that would be You know 375 would be ideal at 460 I think I've done a really really good job here and you know, I've done it all in about an hour. So Yay for me Obviously, you know, I've got some native speaker advantages and such and and there's probably some things I could clean up in here in terms of like diversifying my vocabulary in some cases But again, I want you to focus on how we've approached this we've you know, we take a look at that prompt And we identify a couple of reasons that we're going to develop and we also make sure to cover their idea But we refute it Finish off with some thinking about the future and give a recommendation or call to action So that it's perfectly clear That the reader can do something about this I start off by making my position really clear. I present the issue the debate Make my position super clear and I stick to it throughout the entire essay If you do this my people, I can guarantee that it's going to bring your grading grades up. All right Maybe you're not as fast of a writer. Maybe it takes you longer to put these ideas together. That's fine but Make sure you're doing these things this little bit of preliminary work makes this so much more cohesive and so much easier to write By planning this I never had a moment in the middle of this where I was like, what do I do now? Never had that moment because I outlined my work and I was able to plan what I wanted to say and it came out well So that my people is everything you need to know for the IELTS writing workshop I just want to say first of all, thank you for watching if you've been here And if you got any questions about how to handle the rest of the test next week I'm going to be uploading a video about the IELTS like a full blown IELTS explainer covering each of the parts And really going into what kind of exercises are on them and what you could expect to see So check that out when you get a chance and if you need some help You can go to prepwithscore.com and tell us what you need because we've been doing IELTS classes We're actually doing a little like Christmas sale right now for IELTS classes. We're virtual So it doesn't matter where you are in the world. If you need some help with your IELTS classes We got teachers who are just sitting here ready to go like they're eager to help you out. Okay I'll show them everything I know and of course we're giving this information out to you guys for free because we love you And we want you to have a good time and get a good score because a test should not be the thing That stands between you and success. All right, so I will see you guys next week. Thank you for watching the score channel Have a good night