 Let's face it. Respect is one of the fundamentals in any relationship if you want to have successful relationship because without respect, how can you really value a person? How can you really care for that person if you, let's face it, disrespect a person. And yet sadly today in the dating marketplace we are seeing a significant amount of disrespect when it comes to how to treat one another. So today I thought I'd lean into the conversation but let me just also say this. This isn't about how men respect women. This is about human beings respecting each other. Let me repeat that, human beings respecting each other. And I'd much rather have a conversation that leans towards human behavior and some of the fundamental problems we're seeing in human relationships these days. In fact, it's interesting this morning I was making notes to myself about something that I wanted to lean into before we get into the full dynamics of this conversation. And I want to share it with you and I'd like to get your perspective on this as well. So I call it the state of affairs, the state of affairs. And part of the reason why I created this is because I have a beef with a lot of dating advice out there. That's right. I have a beef with a lot of dating advice because a lot of dating advice is centered around manipulative game playing tactics that temporarily might, and I say might, cause you to be attracted to a person. But at the end of the day, when we look at the numbers why is it all this attraction doesn't seem to last the long run? So let's look at some of these numbers for a moment. First off, and by the way, this is just merely an opinion what I'm about to share but approximately 50% of first marriages end in divorce and most likely half of the balance of people in those marriages are miserable. 60 to 75% of second and third marriages end in divorce. These days, there's a decline in marriages and a huge rise in short lived relationships. That's right, a huge rise in short lived relationships. Casual relationship make up the larger percentage of couples than serious committed relationships. Think about that. Casual relationships make up more the greater number than the serious committed relationships. Hooking up has become the main purpose for those who are actively dating. Think about that for a second. Hooking up is where the predominant number of people are in the dating marketplace. Now this I made up myself but less than 30% of couples are truly happy after one year of being in relationship. Couples therapist offices are seeing a surge of patients seeking support, married or otherwise. Most therapists state that the majority of couples that come into their office or even their patients blame the other person in their relationship as being the problem. The single population, those not in any relationship is at an all-time high and many of them claim to be unhappy being unmated. And lastly, depression and loneliness amongst humans are at record numbers. So if the all the above is fairly accurate, what advice would you give to somebody entering the dating marketplace? I want you to ponder that for a second. What advice would you give to someone who's dating the, is entering the dating marketplace? Let's say they came out of a divorce. Let's say they came out of a significant relationship. Knowing all this information and by the way, if you're watching this now, it is in your consciousness. You now know this information. You can't play dumb anymore. What advice would you give? Well, first and foremost, instead of, there, these are my notes. Instead of focusing on romance and chemistry when dating, spend time determining compatibility and emotional maturity before exploring a relationship with someone. Those of you who follow my channel know my emotional maturity relationship skills chart. This is not a fact merely an opinion, but I believe 20% of the population has clinical issues. Sadly, I was watching the show last night dating a psycho and believe me, there are people with clinical issues out there. And while I say 20% of the population has good relationship skills and emotional maturity, the vast majority of human beings are dysfunctional. In fact, did you know that therapists claim that 85% of their patients have come from dysfunctional families? Dysfunctional families. Think of how that would weigh on a person. I want you to think about this. Has anybody been watching the Dahmer story on Netflix? I've been watching it lately and I've been watching the beginning about how he was raised and the trauma he experienced in childhood. And while thankfully the majority of the population doesn't have that kind of sociopathic clinical issues that causes someone to behave that way. If we've come from a dysfunctional family, it's going to wear on us emotionally in our relationship skills. So it's incredibly naive to expect human beings to be good at this process. This is why folks, I continually recommend both men and women to read the book, the Hoffman process, the Hoffman process. This is a deep dive into healing childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas that cause emotionally constipated human beings that have weak relationship skills. By the way, there's a link below to get all the books I recommend. Why am I recommending this? If you are entering the dating marketplace naive to look at, I was at, when I went through a divorce, we actually had to go to the divorce court and I'm sitting in divorce court listening to other couples complain about their relationships. And it occurred to me, wouldn't it be better before getting married to look at what causes all the divorces and maybe headed off at the pass? That's right, headed off before, look for the potential potholes ahead of time. And I'm going to be covering some of this in a few moments when I talk about those three critical things that make a man respect you. And quite frankly, as I said before, whether this is true that you're going to respect him or he's going to respect you, okay? Because without these three things, and I'm going to give you a bonus one as well, it's going to be difficult to lean into the deep roots of trust, as I said earlier, the importance of respect in a relationship. But again, coming back to the beginning, what I shared, understanding what causes relationship breakups will prepare you. And when you do this before you ever enter into a relationship and yet we are so fucking hyper focused on chemistry equal relationship success. In fact, if you're not familiar with my relationship iceberg, here's another chart. See above the waterline says chemistry, excuse the lighting. See that's attraction. We often hyper focus on chemistry instead of the more important things of compatibility, which is shared values, blendable lifestyles, and as I've been repeating over and over again, emotional maturity. Sadly, without emotional maturity, it doesn't matter how attracted you are, it doesn't matter how magically in love you are with each other, because without the skills to resolve conflicts. And this is what one of the key fundamentals in a healthy happy relationship is your ability to resolve conflicts, your chances for relationship success. Even if you found what you believe to be the love of your life and what I mean is someone you're incredibly attracted to. Oh my God, Jonathan, the chemistry is so off the charts. You know, if most of you've been watching me lately, I've been binge watching shows like Love is Blind, Married at First Sight. We even watched The Other Night, Dating of Psycho. I watched them, first off, I think reality TV is junk. I think it's trash. Most importantly, I think it's scripted. I don't think it's necessarily healthy. What I'm fascinated is with human behavior. And what I'm particularly fascinated with is the idea that you put people in a blender very quickly, this incubator, if you will. They, because these couples have to live together to really determine if they're compatible with one another, because true compatibility can't be seen until you actually live with someone. Think about that for a moment. But think of our current dating process. People will see each other a couple of times a week over the course of years, a couple of times a week over the course of years, and they really don't know who they're with. I once got a call from a woman who had been in a long distance relationship with someone for over three years. They'd been going back and forth for three years. They decided to, they decided to get married. She, by the way, they had a couple of hundred miles of distance. She uprooted her family, uprooted her children, got into a custody battle with her children, and she eventually was able to move her children in with this guy. And within six months, the relationship imploded, and she moved back to be with next to her ex-husband because it was better for her children. This is the kind of stuff I think, what if dating started with you, had to live with each other right from the get-go for 60 days, and then you decide if this is worth being a relationship. I'm not suggesting that this is even possible. I'm just throwing it out as a, imagine if we could learn about people in a much shorter period of time. In fact, my private coaching, by the way, there's a link below right here, the schedule of discovery call with me. My job as a coach is to help you narrow down who is that person that's more compatible with you by teaching you what questions to ask based on your personality, what questions to ask to determine his emotional maturity. So you are better prepared to not invest in someone who's not capable of being in a long-term relationship with you. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. Please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel. All right, I'm sure you've all been waiting for me to jump into men over 40, deeply respect women who apply these three rules. There's my notes. Let's jump into it. So one thing I observe habitually is women give their power away to men in relationship. That's right. Women give their power away to men in relationship. And what I mean to say is because you've been so indoctrinated that all you do is sit back in your feminine energy and let men lead. He will just claim you and men are the leaders of the relationship because men are hunters. By the way, just so you know, that notion that men are hunters, what do you think men are hunting? Do you think men are hunting this? I want a relationship. I want a relationship. I want a fully committed relationship. And I want to give up all of my sovereignty. Do you think that's what men are hunting? Or is it possible men are hunting sex? Whenever you hear men are the ones to take charge, you are setting yourself up for failure. You are in charge of your relationship, destiny, not a man. In fact, if I could be there on a first date for you, I'm your big brother. I would have the shotgun out pointed at the guy's face and say, what's your intentions with my sister? If you watch my live stream the other day, I talked about what men need to be in a committed relationship. They need to be committed to the idea of commitment. Okay? So women give their power away and quite frankly, men will disrespect them. So one of the first rules you need to imply is to respect yourself and not give your power to a man. And yet I habitually see this because sadly here in the United States, we are suckling on the nipple of, I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. I need you to validate me so I can feel good about myself. I need you to text me 42 times a day so I can feel good about myself. We are suckling on the nipple of the need for constant validation and someone else loving us for us to feel good about ourselves. Now, listen folks, I know it's a challenge out there when you're meeting total strangers. It's very challenging because when you meet a stranger, the minute you have some chemistry, you feel in a sense of affinity with them. And yet you could be with a psycho like I talked about before. It takes time to really develop a fully, first off, I'm not so certain we shouldn't do background checks on everyone before we meet. We investigate their social media presence. We find out friends of their friends. I think, listen, when you think of arranged marriages, I changed, I just did a squirrel here. You think of arranged marriages. One of the reasons why they tend to be more successful is because the family has vetted this person on your behalf and the family is fully invested in the success of the relationship. Here in the United States, we're just randomly haphazardly. We're just swiping away on people, just hoping to find the one. The dating apps has bastardized the process of meeting people and it's created a false sense of hope. I think for men, it's created, by the way, I think the dating apps for men over 40 in particular, totally favor men because women feel a sense of scarcity out there. So they'll attach themselves to any guy that gives them attention and the guy can just basically use you, spend time with you and he can be on swiping away on the next person. Now, a lot of men will say that the women have all the advantage because they're getting all the swipes. That might be true, but as we age, I see the shift turning. Younger women get all the attention and as we age, that begins to shift. So this is why it's critically important to operate from the rules that I apply for my clients is radical honesty and pre-qualifying your prospect. And if you wanna learn about it, schedule that call with me, okay? Because ultimately, and I said a moment ago, a man will deeply respect a woman who respects themselves. This isn't just men respecting, you won't respect a man who's a doormat. You won't respect a man who is riddled with insecurities. You won't respect a man who's a habitually needy in relationship. So respecting for themselves is critically important. Number two, this is something I learned from my girlfriend. One, I call number two, a man will deeper respect a woman who's vulnerable, authentic and transparent. Vulnerable, authentic and transparent. Why I'm sharing this is one of the things I so appreciate about my partner. And listen, I know I haven't told her name yet. I know some of you are asking about it. She, I'm preparing my, by the way, I'm doing this in my bedroom, our bedroom, I should say. I'm preparing my studio for upstairs. And when it's fully prepared, I promise I will bring her out and I'll introduce her to the world. But in the meantime, one of the things I appreciate about her is her capacity to be vulnerable, authentic and transparent. So much so that we had a very difficult conversation to give you an example right from our, from one of our very early meetings. Turns out when I picked her up at the airport, I'd been doing some work around the house. I had a T-shirt that was a little bit sweaty. And when we're sitting down and chatting with me, she openly shared something. She said, Jonathan, I have to share something that's very uncomfortable. I said, what's that? She goes, I don't think your deodorant works too well. And I gave you the backstory of what happened. Now, I got to tell you, I got a little defensive for a second because it was very uncomfortable to be told you have BO. But I appreciate her vulnerability, her authenticity and her transparency. When we shared about our past relationships, I appreciated her absolute transparency. And while I can't validate everything, and what I mean to say is I don't know for certain she was telling the truth, I get the sense that she was. And it's one of the things I most appreciate about her is that capacity to be vulnerable, authentic and transparent. I respect her for that. Ladies, I'm gonna assume that you appreciate a man will respect a man who's vulnerable, authentic and transparent with you. And I'm encouraging human beings to be more vulnerable, authentic and transparent in the early stage of dating. So we can actually bypass all the fucking bullshit rhetoric that's happening today. It's time to get radically honest with one another, to lay our cards on the table so we don't waste time with the wrong person and actually based on chemistry. And maybe, and I say maybe, choose that partner who's right for you. Now, before I share the fourth or the third one, I wanna say that I'm a big proponent of personal development, self-help and spiritual work. Folks, this is why I wrote a book called What the Heck is Self-Love Anyway. It's a journey of personal development, self-help and spiritual work. Again, the link in the description below to get all the books I recommend. Why do I recommend my book? Folks, I didn't become this, I'm by no means do I suggest myself overly conscious, over and awakened, but I do believe that I have a capacity with what I'm about to share next that's happened through all the personal development, self-help and spiritual work. And why I wanna recommend my book is I wanna show you this chapter. It's all the teachings, the readings, the teachers, the workshop I attended. And this is two pages worth of content and this is only a fraction of what I've done. But I invite you all to do the inner work like the Hoffman process. Maybe reading this amazing book. Has anyone read the book, The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer? I highly recommend checking this out. This is a deep dive. This is such a beautiful book to help you learn to talk to the voices in your head because as I said before, and this is the third rule that men will deeply respect is women who are in victor consciousness and not victim consciousness. Sadly, here in the United States, we are suckling on the nipple of victim consciousness. That's right. We see this habitual sense of operating as a victim maybe to get sympathy, but more importantly to deflect personal responsibility. Folks, men and women alike, respect people who take ownership in their life. They're not victims, they're victors. In fact, we see this in the dating realm, particularly when people talk about their past relationships. Whenever you hear someone throw their previous partner under the bus, whatever they claim was the problem with their other, the partner and take no ownership on their part, they are operating most likely in victim consciousness and victim consciousness usually means that you're gonna be the next person that they complain about when this relationship ends. It is more important to choose people who have done the personal development, self-help and spiritual work that have the capacity to lean into the tougher conversations that are required to actually build a healthy, happy relationship. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating with you? Please let me know. Now I'm gonna give you a bonus rule and that is if you're not familiar with the work of John Gottman and John and Julie Gottman, I highly recommend, I'm gonna recommend today the book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Here's a copy of it, Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Why I wanna recommend this is the Gottmans talk about something called the Four Horsemen to the Apocalypse, the Four Horsemen, the Apocalypse. And Leslie says, communication is key, that's it. The Four Horsemen, the Apocalypse in relationship are, criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. Criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. This is one of the, remember I said earlier, if you reverse engineer why most relationships end, we could say fail, why we have a 50% divorce rate, a 60 to 75% divorce rate for people married 60, or excuse me, married a second or third time. Why we see a decline in marriages and a complete rise in short-lived relationships that are one month, three months, six months, nine months, two years, five years. Those are short-lived relationships. Why are we seeing the rise? Because human beings don't know how to communicate in a healthy, happy way. This is why I continually recommend reading the book. Nonviolent communication by Marshall Rosenberg. I know you're tired of me referring to book after book after book. Why am I doing this? Listen, you can have a mediocre relationship that's based on chemistry and attraction. Or you can have a relationship like the one I'm experiencing right now with my sweetheart, with my beloved, because we have set up a foundation of unpacking our lives in a therapeutic way through healthy communication with one another. This is why you may want to also check out this book by Michael Sorensen, I Hear You, the surprisingly simple skills behind extraordinary relationship. These are the tools I use in my relationship to help forge that foundation of concrete and not quicksand. And yet sadly, many of you experience relationships on quicksand. And what's gonna happen when you walk on quicksand? Need I say more? Men deeply respect women who know these three rules. Men, women deeply respect men who know these three roles. Respect themselves who are vulnerable, authentic and transparent, who have victor consciousness, not victim consciousness and also recognize the pitfalls of criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. Post a comment below. Post a comment in the chat box. Give me a thumbs up, share this video, subscribe to my channel. All right, those who know my format know that this is time for our Q and A. If you have a question to ask me right now for those on the live stream, you can simply write the word question, then post the question there after or you can purchase a super stick or super chat. All the monies for the super stick or super chat go to the scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley. He's the one who's passed away a few years ago. And in his honor, I've started a scholarship fund to help defray the cost of personal development for folks. I recently gave one to Connor's friends. I invited him to Insight seminars and donated the cost of that. And also if you purchase, there's a little dollar sign in the chat box or you can purchase this super thanks if you're watching the replay. Again, if you have a question, write the word question or post the question there after. So does anyone have anything to say? By the way, my cup says salty vibes. My son Connor's nickname was salty. So that's where that comes from. All right, let's see what we have here. Jay Cole says untethered soul is a fantastic and quite a thinker. I agree. Diana says untethered soul, exactly. Jennifer says, I did connect with a guy on a dating app who read eight dates, which is cool. He has done work on himself, folks. She's talking about this book, Eight Dates by Drs. John and Julie Gottman. This is an incredible book to pre-prepare yourself. So you know which questions to ask a guy and you have to read chapter one about trust and commitment. So I highly recommend that book. All right, if you have a question, write the word question and post the question there after. Oh, here we go. Stay well strong, says question. When a man says he doesn't deserve you, should I worry? I think when a man says he doesn't deserve you, look it, I feel incredibly grateful to my girlfriend. I think she's an amazing human being. I think she's just beyond anyone I've ever experienced. I don't feel that she's better than me or less than me, but what I do continually say is I appreciate you, I'm grateful for you. Why I'm sharing that with you is that's a healthy way to delineate your appreciation of someone's amazing qualities. When a man says he doesn't deserve you, should you worry? Yeah, he's setting you up for breaking up with you. And he's gonna say you're better than him. He's in a crappy place, so he has to move on. I'm sorry, but that's what's happening. Say, well, thank you for that question. Jeneca says, Janka says, question, what are, what is some of the first things to chat when first calling? Here's the good thing to start. How's your day going? Did you have a good day? I hope you had a good day. Did you have a good day? Look, go deeper than the surface. I, everyone, you know I like the meme that says this meme. Here, you're gonna like this. I hate small talk. I wanna talk about Adam's death, alien sex, magic, intellect, the meaning of life, far away galaxies, music that makes you feel different, memories, the lies you've told, your flaws, your favorite scent, your childhood, what keeps you up at night, your insecurity and fears. I like people with depth who speak with emotion from a twisted mind. I don't wanna know what's up. Right there, go to the meme, type in, I hate small talk. You can print that up for yourself. That's plenty enough to keep you busy on that first, when you're first calling with someone. All right. Heather says, not a question, but I'm being raised by a mother with 100% victim mindset is almost ingrained and it's difficult to get rid of, but being aware is the first step. She is exactly right. Being aware is the first step to actually healing oneself. So it's great to be, that's why I highly recommend doing the Hoffman process to do a deep dive into healing when childhood wounds and traumas. So you can actually work on those issues that have been ingrained from childhood. So thank you, Heather, I appreciate that. I wanna thank Samantha for the $3 Super Sticker for the Connor Ozzie Scholarship Fund. Thank you so much, I appreciate it. All right. Lee says, question. I slept with a man on the second date. I regret it. He's been very respectful, but it is wrong to, but is it wrong to rescind sex until I feel more comfortable? How would I go about doing this? That's a great question. I think, as I said in my broadcast, the three rules, be vulnerable, be authentic, be transparent. James, I just want you to know that I really appreciated our opportunity to connect at an intimate level. And I want you to know I had a fantastic time. As I sit back, I realized that I wasn't ready to fully engage in a physical intimate relationship with someone without getting to know them better, without experiencing trust, without experiencing some level of understanding of what we both want out of a relationship. Because trust to me isn't just being faithful in a relationship, trust to me is being in a position where I know the other person cares about my feelings as much as I do. So at this moment, I'd love to get to know you better. I'd love to be able to explore doing things together. In a relationship. And it's gonna take me a little more time to be physical. And I'll understand if that doesn't work for you. I understand that a lot of men, that doesn't work for them. That's what works for me. And if you genuinely wanna get to know me at a deeper level, I invite you to explore me beyond the sexual. And then when we're both ready, I think it'd be a great time to explore our physical relationship. Lee, that's my suggestion. Watch this video again, rewind it. Use what feels right for you, okay? Thank you so much for the, by the way, does anyone agree with what I just shared? If you did say, Jonathan, I agree with that speech you gave. All right, thank you so much. Jeneca says, thank you. I appreciate that. Let's see. Oh, Jeneca just gave me a $5 super sticker. Thank you so much. Jennifer said, this goes back to the deserve you. She goes, I had an old boyfriend who said that to me on a first date. He said, why would you wanna date me? You are too good for me. It should have been a red flag. No, that to me is a deal breaker. But a red flag merely means ask more questions. But these days I would run if someone had said that to me. All right, Virginia, question. Could you elaborate on what it means to be vulnerable? Does it mean you speak your mind without fear? No, I think it's quite the opposite. I think being vulnerable is leaning into your fear and sharing what a fear would be. So let me give you an example of being vulnerable. I'll share with our audience and everyone. I have what's known as an anxious attachment style. If you're not familiar with the book attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller, I highly recommend checking this out. There are three primary attachment styles. There's anxious, avoidant, and secure. And there's variations between those. Anxious means being needy. And I have a capacity to be a bit needy in relationship. Now I'm aware of this. First off, I'm sharing this publicly. When I began dating my sweetheart, I shared that I have an anxious attachment style. I have a capacity to act needy when I feel like my partner is pulling away. I'm aware of this and I'm working on it. I shared that very early on. Most dating coaches would tell you to never, ever, ever, ever be vulnerable. And you know what it did? It caused her to lean into me instead of run away. If you lean in with your vulnerability, the right man will appreciate you and the wrong man will probably run away. If you remember my book, I've talked about this multiple times, chapter nine in my book, if it's sincere and from the heart, you can't say or do the wrong thing with the right person. Being vulnerable, being authentic and transparent is the foundation for building a healthy, happy relationship with someone. I just messed up my camera, everyone, so I can fix it first. Oh, that's a bummer. I can fix it this way. All right, so everyone gets the gist of that. Virginia, thank you so much for your question. I really appreciate it. I hope that helped. So thank you so much. Our next question, Samantha writes, I have a mental health diagnosis. I'm single and divorced. How should I approach relationships now? Well, I think I would need more information about what is your mental health diagnosis and how, so the way I would approach it is what is your mental health diagnosis and how would this affect someone else in relationship? Remember, Pete, that I would be aware of how that would affect someone else. And if it does affect someone else, then I would be most likely vulnerable, authentic and transparent with someone if it could, because another person may not have the capacity to support you in that. And so it's better to have an honest conversation. And again, if it's sincere and from the heart, you can't really say the wrong thing to the right person. So first, identify what the mental health is and how could this affect someone else in relationship would be the way I would approach this going forward. So Virginia, thank you so much. Or Samantha, thank you so much for that question. Again, thank you for the $5 Super Sticker. I want to thank Lee for the $5 Super Sticker as well. She says, I'm amazing. Thank you so much. Virginia, thank you for the $5 Super Sticker. Oh gosh, there we go. Lee, thank you so much. I appreciate it. Connor Asley appreciates it as well. All right, let's go back up here. Let's go swim in. Let's keep swimming. Lisa says, that's what I do. We got to be friends first and have mutual love and trust. I agree. Patty says, where can you go to meet good men? I'm 67. I would like to meet a nice man in person. Good men are everywhere. I'm going to tell you something. And by the way, folks, if you have a question for me, write the word question first. Everyone acts like, when that question, where do I go meet them? It's like saying that all the good people, where do I? OK, I'm going to ask you this question, Patty. Where do all the quality women hang out? Tell me the one location quality women hang out. Because I want to tell all my guy friends to go there. That's the same place to meet guys. So that's my invitation for you. Folks, good people are everywhere. It's funny. My girlfriend and I had a deep dive conversation this morning. I run by a lot of the questions that come in to get her female perspective, woman's perspective. And we're talking about some of the men she met in the last couple of years after her most significant relationship ended. And she said, most of the men she met were really good human beings, really nice guys. There was chemistry with some of them. They were good, genuine people. There was just a slight misalignment. It wasn't the right timing. I know for her and I, it ended up being about timing that made all the difference in our relationship. But ultimately, maybe it was a misalignment timing. But she met men through online dating sites. She met men at restaurants. She met men on cruise ships. By the way, someone asked where she did a number of singles cruises. You can just Google singles cruises. Great place to meet people. So good men and women are everywhere. They're not hiding in one location. They're not at, you know, around the corner on Torrance and Crenshaw Boulevard, OK? So anyway, that's my answer to your question. Thank you so much. Leslie says, how do you stop the hot and cold game with your partner, especially if they are scared of getting close? I'm pretty consistent and not hot and cold. He isn't, and we have been together for a while. Couples therapy. Folks, start going to couples. You know what? I was having a conversation with a client earlier today. By the way, I am so blessed. My clients, I get calls every single week. Jonathan, I met a great guy. Jonathan, I met a great guy. Jonathan, I met a great guy. And they know the difference. And what I mean to say is I've got clients getting engaged, moving in with partners. I'm so blessed. And one of the things I was sharing with a client today was it's interesting because one of her most important questions she asks a man is what kind of therapy he does. And if he'd be hoping to doing couples therapy and workshops right from the get-go of beginning a relationship together. And I thought, I really appreciated that she leaned into a very tough conversation. And she had this amazing conversation with a man. And my point is amazing is because she cut out all the bullshit and talked from a more heart-centered place, that more radically honest place. And she actually believes she has a viable prospect right now. And if they have chemistry, then they have a better chance for relationship success because she asks the tougher questions right from the get-go. She followed my proprietary coaching program. That's what my clients do. They follow this proprietary program that I created to help them put the odds in their favor. Many of you guys are just winging it. You're winging it. You're winging it. And what's the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. And many of you are operating from that victim consciousness. And it's no wonder you're suffering in the dating marketplace. I know you don't like hearing this, but I'm just being blunt from what I see. So anyway, what was your question? I know I did one of my squirrels. So well, my suggestion, go to couples therapy together. Thank you so much. Didi says question, how much does a woman's income matter to a man? Well, I'm going to say this is the way I think most men view it, for the most part. I believe roughly 80% of the US population lives paycheck to paycheck and makes less than $125,000 a year. And it needs basically two incomes are needed to survive. I mean, here in California, it's $7 a gallon to drive your car. So what a man seeks is, so long as he can provide for himself, he's mostly looking for a woman who can provide for herself, especially the over 40 category. Unless he's rich or he's in the top, he makes in that $200, $300, $400,000 range, which is a very small percentage of the population. So he's looking for a woman who can take care of herself. And think about it, two incomes are better than one. I think of my girlfriend and I, we pulled our resources together. We have four cruises planned in the next year. That amazing New Year's Eve cruise plan, I splurged, I covered the cost of the upgraded cabin. I mean the concierge level cabin. But because we pull our resources together, two operate better than one. So yes, it does matter. So long as you can take care of yourself, I think that's what matters most. All right, DD, thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it. Heather Wright, question. Since online dating has become a big shit show, do you think people will start meeting up in parks and grocery stores again? That's a great question. Here's the challenge. With a younger demographic, it's easier to know who's most likely single and eligible. And what I mean to say is the younger the person is, the higher probability they are single and eligible. The tougher part for the older demographic is, listen, first off, I haven't been to a park in, God, I can't even think of the last time I went to a park. And I lived around the corner from one, number one. Number two, when I go to the grocery store, I'm focused on my groceries. Now, occasionally I see someone who's attractive prior to meeting my beloved, but I don't like to walk up to strangers based on looks, unless there is some chance happening. And here's the problem with that. Back in the day when it was grocery stores or park, we used to live in smaller communities. We didn't have the internet. We didn't have highways and freeways and such. We lived in smaller towns, so it was easier to connect with someone who most likely knew your family and friends. So from that premise, I'm not a big fan of it. What I am a big fan is doing social activities that put you around as many single eligible people as possible. There are a lot more opportunities coming up like the singles cruises that I talked about, my girlfriend does, she told me she used to go to bars. On Monday night, they used to have, actually there was a two-fold blessing with her going to a bar. It was a bar that was raffling off these $1,000 Manola Blancos that I pronounce it properly, shoes. And she went there sometimes with a girlfriend, sometimes her own. She set the bar, ordered a drink and guys would walk up to her, offer a drink. Now what she did in the year and a half that she tried to win these damn shoes and she never won them, was she began to read male behavior because men were hitting on her. Now, not necessarily the best place to meet someone, but her girlfriend coincidentally that she'd go with met a guy at last call. He said something very intriguing to her at the end of the evening. She agreed to meet him for a date and they'd been together for six years now and to hear their story, to hear what they had to go through and it happened at a bar. Now, one of the benefits is it was a bar that they lived close by. So they were locals to that area. They had mutual friends that lived in the area. One of the benefits of socializing in places which is part of your community is that if you're part of a community and they're part of a community and there's some overlap, you have a greater chance of building the deep roots of trust that is needed to sustain a healthy, happy relationship. That's right, the deep roots of trust. Those include emotional connection, economic agreement, social activities, hobbies, mutual interest, spending time with family and friends and intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy. When you have roots, it's easy. When you have those roots of trust built, especially through social activities, hobbies, mutual interests and family and friends, you have a greater chance of relationship success. So, do I see it happening at parks and grocery stores? No. Yeah, there's one in a million, one in every 100,000. But when you put yourself in an environment where there's more single eligible people, you have a greater chance for success. Heather, thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it. Let's see. Chrissy says, I love watching your videos. I've learned quite a bit. Still learning, always learning. Thank you, Chrissy, for that. I really appreciate it. Jennifer says, I agree with that speech. Well said, thank you so much. I appreciate it. Leif says, I agree with you, Jonathan. Pam says, I agree. Thank you so much. What's better if he calls me dear or babe? I call my girlfriend both those. I think they're great names. Sweet terms of endearment. All right, what questions do we have? Oh, let's see. Let's go swimming. Let's go, oh my gosh, we got a ways to go. Heather says, joint clubs based on interest, exactly. Quality women hang out in healthy communities, so cool that you have a girlfriend and now you can bounce these ideas off or two. Thank you, Gretchen, I appreciate that. Jeneca says, hope I pronounced your name properly, did I? Is it normal for men to feel that they have to prove themselves and talk so highly about themselves? You know, I look at my girlfriend and I think she's the prize, I really do. And sometimes I boast, sometimes I have peacock feathers, sometimes I brag about myself and such. I think it's natural for men to peacock because here's the bottom line. And it's interesting, she did her own version of peacocking in a way because human beings wanna be liked. Human beings wanna be liked, they wanna be loved. One of the number one emotional health issues most human beings feel is I'm not good enough, I'm not lovable and I'm not likable. So yes, this happens. That doesn't make them narcissistic, doesn't make them necessarily self-centric, doesn't necessarily make them narcissistic or self-centric, it makes them human. Humans are riddled with flaws. Sadly, here in the United States, we are suckling on the nipple of perfectionism. Does anyone remember the movie Harry Met Sally? You know, Sally was a unique character, especially when she ordered food. She was rather neurotic, okay? She was rather neurotic. I'd like to have the meatloaf, but it has gravy, I'd like to have the gravy on the side, I'd like to have the Caesar salad, but if it has croutons, I'd like to have the croutons on the side, I'd like to have the apple pie, all in mode, but if the ice cream is too warm, I'd like to have cherry pie, and Harry Lixiner goes, oh my God, she is a nut job. She's neurotic. Here's the thing. At the end of the day, at the end of the movie, he says, I love it that it takes you an hour and a half to order a ham sandwich. I love it that you think 71 degrees is cold. I love it that your nose crinkles every time you get stressed out. I love it that you're the first person I think of when I wake up in the morning, the last person I think of when I go to bed. My point is, is he didn't fall in love with her good qualities. He fell in love with her idiosyncrasies. Folks, we human beings are flawed. This is why I recommend book after book after book after book. Is there another book I can recommend? I think I've recommended a lot. I recommend this because to heal oneself, to heal the wounds, maybe those bragging wounds, and I still got them. When you can learn to appreciate, my girlfriend says, but let me just say this. One of her first things she said to me after our third or fourth time together, she goes, you are absolutely exhausting. You wanna unpack everything and process everything. But I think it's one of the things she appreciates most about me. So all I'm saying is we are human beings riddled with flaws, and one of them might be to try to sell ourselves. Doesn't make us bad people, it just makes us human. Ah, all right, I think I'll just take one more question. Let's see. Christie says, question. I like a man who's in his fifties. I'm in my thirties. I noticed that his handshake, I noticed that his handshakes when I'm nearby him, he reads all my texts and says, wait, he reads all my texts that I send them, but he rarely replies. Is he shy? Well, my first thought was he might have what's known as benign tremors if his handshakes. I know a lot of people that have what's called familiar or benign tremors, but yeah, he could be shy. That's why spend less time texting and more time face to face folks, just like I shared earlier. I would prefer we all put ourselves in a blender and spend a considerable amount of time together in a short period of time to see if we're aligned in our values and in our lifestyles and our emotional maturity, because without it, if your entire relationship is on this device, it's not a relationship. It's a relationship with your phone. Stop shifting from the phone, shift from the telephone, spend more face to face time because that's your proximity makes all the difference. Spend more time face to face instead of texting and telephone calls. All right, I think you get the gist of where I'm going today. Again, my studio will be built out hopefully in the next month or so, so I'll be shooting videos from our bedroom for right now. And I just wanna remind you those four men deeply respect women who apply these three rules, excuse me. And that is they respect themselves. They are vulnerable, authentic and transparent. They have victor consciousness, not victim consciousness. And I also wanna thank, by the way, I appreciate all the super stickers, super chats. I wanna thank, wait, we got one, we gotta scroll. I wanna thank Terri. By the way, before we wrap up today, please donate to the columnar as a scholarship fund if you can with the super sticker or if you're watching the live stream of super chat or super thanks. And we're gonna wrap up this video as we always do. First off, I've given myself a big, gigantic Johnathan Barrack of self love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm asking you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear pillow and give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. I wanna thank Terri and Leslie and Holly and Jay Cole and Lisa and Chrissy and Claire. And did I say Holly, Jenica, let's see, I am baby 51. All right, Debbie, hey Debbie's in the house. Big hugs to you, sweetheart. I think that covers it all. Everyone, big hugs. Thank you so much. Have a great evening. Bye now.