 This is the David Feldman radio network Well, this is exciting, please welcome comedian writer. No start. It's comedian please welcome comedian writer and female animal activists People always say what's the difference between comedian and comedian and I say 10 grand a night I That's why it's so important to pronounce it correctly my friend Please welcome comedian writer and animal activist Elaine booze. Well booze Elaine I'm a girl booze. That's it. Well, I'm just a girl who can't say no This is so exciting. Thank you. You sound overwhelmed. I am. This is a big thing for us. I mean it is well Thank you First off your set on the tonight show Like three months ago. I went. Oh, I want to be a comedian. Oh Too late. You are one. Oh, I want to be a good comedian too late. You are one You were just breath-taking so breath-taking so much and thanks to Jimmy Fallon for bringing stand-up Back to its home the tonight show where it was missing for 22 years as far as Comedians were concerned Yeah, they just didn't they shut the door on that and it was the mainstay of not only discovering new talent and breaking new comics but presenting great comics to America and so it just it withered and It was just fascinating that it showed that had broken Billions of new comics over its long history in the 22 years that Lena was the host didn't break one new Comic to the country because it turned its back on stand-up guests. Are there economics behind that? Do you think it no? Comedians were all well aware of it, and I don't think it was economics. I think it was just a choice. Okay How many showtime specials did you do? 100 Five five showtimes and I have a box set coming out soon, too. Okay. Yeah, so that's exciting when we'll be out You know, it's coming with a brand new CD that that was shot live on tour all year So as soon as I finish editing the CD and we already shot the wraparounds for each special to show 30 years later You know cuz a lot of them were started it well started in 85 So the wraparounds give it a context and show why it was radical for its time and also Contain really funny stories about the shows and be out soon. I'll announce it on the tonight show again And how was Dallas last night? Fantastic Where were you playing in Dallas the Kessler theater with a great friend of mine great comic Linda Stogner? Has chose to stay in Dallas all this time, but she's hilarious. So I always try and get a female Great comedian on the bill with me so people can see that you know, we're good and where are you performing? We're because we're all over this podcast You're all over all over you go like up to 23rd Street and Where are we on the corner of rape and murder right now in the east village very nice very nice coming up here Yeah, you know people turn their rings around when they get out, you know get out of the subway here I swallowed a huge bracelet with charms on it Now I used to live down here, but then at least you knew you were gonna die Now it's like how embarrassing to be killed but in front of a Chanel booty. It's just not right. It's wrong Let's plug your charity and Where you're gonna be in the next two weeks, okay, so in the next two weeks They're more private gigs. I do a lot of places down in Florida, which I love to do But uh, you know what? I'm this is how terrible. I am you forgot your phone. I forgot my phone Okay, but after 43 years, it's like people say where are you next week? And they say I only know where I am tonight So I really go day by day. What's your website? Elaine boozer.com and how do you spell booze? Well, I don't know. There are so many ways You count backwards from ten we're just doing a test both of us as you know He's got to take a picture. He does. He does. Do we know him or did he just break in our producer Alex Brazil? It's the ELA why any b o o s l e r dot com and the schedules up there great And then it leads to tales of joy ta is of joy net and that's my animal rescue organization going on 17 years We're gonna talk about that, but I guess I Get to meet you because we've never met no because of Stephanie Miller because she kept us apart I know I think because you said we never met because we had like a Twitter relationship based I think some kind of appearance that I did with Stephanie. Yeah, and I'm in love with oh is she it She is much too beautiful for radio. Yeah, you know, she is So gorgeous you could die. Yeah, and on the right side of history. Yes, she's amazing Yeah, and you are on her show all the time. Yes, she lives right near me So I drive over and you know basically because she's willing to order pizza after I Mean politics look that never changes, but we we drink and we eat pizza You know, why else would I go anywhere? So whenever two Jews get together? Uh-huh the first question Uh-huh have to ask is who died Yes, my friend who died quilting Muriel died unfortunately She was a wonderful older woman I met in Riverside Park in New York about five or six years ago and She just it was just amazing. I was jogging. She well that was amazing. I was walking Not too fast And I just saw this great-looking woman in the park with a little dog and a leash and she was on a scooter And she was doing a big puzzle book and I live for you know crosswords and word games And I thought oh, this is gonna be me when I'm 70 You know, I'll be independent and have a dog and and I didn't stop because I was walking And then on the way back an hour later She was still there so I did stop because I was shvitzing and I found out she was 92 Wow, I know and I thought she was 70 and we just started talking and that was that the next day went out Walking fast again, and it was hours earlier in a different part of the park and there She was so it was kind of really coincidence We talked again the third day I went out very late in the day almost nighttime in a whole different part of the park by the river There she was again, and we said okay. This is meant to be we're friends. So we became friends and Just really organically I started a Twitter account for her Because she was so computer savvy she had been a teacher for 20 years Brilliant woman and she would get very lonely when I would go back to LA And it's interesting to note that all her friends 80 year olds 90 year olds were all emailing and sending each other funny cartons And very computer savvy shopping online, you know looking at the new iPad always going down to the Apple store on her scooter They are you know more active than you would think I thought because she was always lonely when I was gone that she would Enjoy a Twitter account. I said you put in your hashtags and you know other people still know what salmon croquettes are so you can find them and She just it didn't take to it But she loved reading it, but she didn't want a tweet and I started her off and then I got so into being 97 years old How many followers? 55,000 Wow, I know and she would always tease me and say you're just jealous because I have more followers than you And I would say you have no followers But you know she there was no distinction really so you were ghost writing her Twitter account Based on your conversations more like I was channeling what I knew to be her And also I do have a lot of old people friends. It just works out that why I used to hang with brother Theodore Every night in his kitchen on you know West 74th Street, I don't know if your followers know him, but he was a brilliant Comedian who was born at 85 years old never young did he influence Robin Williams was that well letterman made him a star Letterman discovered him when the letterman was really hip in the show It just started and Theodore was every month He would do one show on a Saturday night at the 13th Street Theater and typing service It was called that's what it was called and that would keep him going for a month I know the theater because I know the name. He was a German Brilliant comedian, you know from Germany with a heavy German accent this very out of control You know full head of gray hair Brilliant performer performance artist and when letterman discovered him with his Collection of you know birds with the broken wings. He had Larry bud Melman brother Theodore was part of that crew and People he just became such a celebrity before letterman. I knew he worked in New York all the time as a comedian Oh, yeah, and he was so well-known, but I wouldn't say comedian He sat and talked for two hours and the reason he got so big from letterman was he was one of the few that could ever handle Letterman on the show. I think it was Charles Groton Maybe and brother Theodore that was it and I remember one night Because his hair was so awry all the time Letterman said to him, you know being hip and snarky and he said so What is that moose you got moose in your hair there was a was that moose and Theodore without even looking at David just said oh Why doesn't the ground just open up and Swallow you And people were in love with the fact that he could let me tell you his best thing from his his show that I still Play in my head all the time. He was so brilliant and my favorite line of his was he would say Every day before school my father would beat me Mercilessly with a wire hanger, but never in anger I'm getting and my my heartbreak is that are you dizzy too? Is that too hard? Hang on seriously? Yeah, he's so good Sometimes that that is a perfect joke. Oh, he's he was absolutely No, I'm just saying when I did my first special I had a whole crew ready to do a special for him because he had never put the act down and I knew he was getting pretty old and I begged and begged but You know the distrust that in his life after going through World War two and the Nazis and everything his distrust Just couldn't let him have it and I begged I said look just go to any lawyer Independently whatever he writes down that you want you will have I'm not giving you a con whatever you are Magical care yet everything you want all the money and whatever you want I begged and begged and he couldn't bring himself to let it be done And he died in the act died and it's very sad to lose No recordings of it. Well probably not in full. Was he Jewish? Yes, Theodore Gottlieb that would make him used to sit well if it wasn't it was a very good Halloween costume Used to sit in his apartment with him right around the corner from where I am on West 74th Street We used to sit in his kitchen and drink wine and you know just laugh and wow yeah, and he never never stopped flirting I mean you'd sit there and you just come on to you endlessly and I would finally say so what if I say yes Then why can we just move on okay? I'll say yes, nothing will happen. We'll move on and go back to laughing. I don't know what you want Can I talk to you about that being a beautiful female comedian Woman female woman female comedian whenever people say you're the best woman comedian I say I'm also one of the five top male comedians I Want to get to all that stuff. Yeah, I don't I don't really dwell in that. Yeah, I know Let's move on. I have but I have a couple of questions. We'll get back to it Where did you grow up? I grew up. I was raised by the Taliban in Brooklyn Got out as soon as I could and I was born in Coney Island You're kidding. I wish she'd said that you were one detrain stop past me Well, I went then we moved to Stuyvesant town and then I angle with New Jersey You don't remember Coney I know the interesting thing is hasn't changed at all You know it was just always a pit and I loved it and it was great and my husband who grew up in LA and was is so You know not used to kind of urban decay He grew up where well in Dwardee and LA and all the inland empire of Los Angeles They didn't have money so it wasn't like the beach, but I took him to Coney Island finally You know because he was used to Disneyland where there isn't a gum wrapper on the gum a street You know and I took him to Coney Island and it was about midnight So the trash cans were doubly overflowing and he looked around You know and he had heard me just gush about Coney Island so much and he looked around and I'm telling you We were knee-deep in crap and he and I people were like vomiting on us. It was so great I was so homesick and he turned to me and he said oh honey I'm so sorry and they said what for and he said well You know, I mean look at it. I said Bill it is much cleaner than it used to be Believe me, I couldn't take any here before this. This is good Now I should mention that your husband Managed a famous boy band. He did a famous boy band. What was it? What was the name of the boy? Let's see Jim Morrison and the doors. I believe it was yeah, he managed the doors He uh, uh fell into that when he was very young. Let me just pick my jaw up. Yeah, okay hang on Okay, it's changed back hinged. Okay. What I hope he'll write his book because I had to clean out his office He was moving and I and he was leaving everything because he's just not the guy who takes stuff with him And I said I'm going through those boxes and I'm finding Amazing telegrams because it was before fax machines or computers They use telegrams of like his different kinds of stationery for his different offices Begging people to hire this band begging them, you know selling them pushing and you know, it was like nobody wanted I mean he built the doors into the doors He you know buried Jim with just Pam and you know that french poet three people standing there That was it. He's kind of famous for never looking to make sure Jim was dead And I said why didn't you ever look in the coffin? He said I don't want to see my friend dead So and then he went on to manage bands forever, which he still does and we met Let me ask you a question about this if you don't mind. Do you mind if I ask about your husband? No, I was just going to say we met at Clinton's first inauguration because I was hosting the constitution hall gala the night before the Uh inauguration and bill had cross be stills and Nash on the bill. So that's how I met him Hey, let me put my job back So what was my question is I'm going to bring up a name who You were very close to Andy Kauffman. Oh, yeah And my question is your husband New Jim Morrison you knew Andy Kauffman Is it true that Andy Kauffman and Jim Morrison are living in Parkland Memorial Hospital with Jack Kennedy? Wouldn't that be a special wing with Elvis a dream come true? But both but we refuse to accept that Jim Morrison and Andy are dead. Yeah. Well, that's because we love them Yeah, and we don't want we don't ever want that to end. So that's great We both watched, you know, I mean he had to go watch a movie about Jim that when the movie was over He said well, that's nobody I ever knew and he had worked with Oliver Stone. You know my Val Kilmer's Yeah, yeah, I mean he Spent a lot of time with Oliver, you know giving him stuff and and then that movie had nothing to do with You know and bill asked him after he said So why'd you tell that story and Oliver to his credit said, you know Everyone I talked to knew a different Jim. I just had to pick one. Mm-hmm. So that was pretty good Yeah, I enjoyed My great trivia about Jim Morrison, then we'll move on. Yeah, but I'm just saying it wasn't the Jim bill knew I knew it totally different John McCain's father And Jim Morrison's father were both of course they were both army guys I think they were navy guys, but but servicemen very staunch servicemen both running the show in vietnam Yeah, isn't that amazing and I think Jim Morrison would be about McCain's age maybe a little let's see 60 he'd be about 70 He'd be about 70 71. I think yeah, but I remember I I read that somewhere when McCain was right You so you are very political. Let's talk about your uh, your charity for dogs and how people can Well, it's all animals. It's dogs cats bunnies rats snakes elephants getting animals out of bad zoo enclosures into better places Um, basically I've been on tour for 43 years as a comedian I would always run into rescue people and you know go visit their little places And then I started helping the humane society of the united states. Let's give the name first Oh minus tales of joy at tales of joy. How do you spell tales ta is of joys Tales of joy dot com dot net dot net. Yeah, I think dot com leads to us, too But it's tales of joy. I think tales of joy actually Is where butt man goes to rio movies are screened. It's a different tale. Oh, yeah, many tales out there Well, I started working helping the humane society of the united states And I say that because there are many local humane societies in every city which are excellent But the humane society of the united states. I don't feel as excellent I started working with them volunteering doing things and saw that they taken about 300 million a year Which goes to salaries perks Expenses, you know wink wink blah blah blah. They don't save a dog or a cat. They run no rescues and I went Oh, this is just a money-making jug or not And if you send them a couple of bucks, they will send you crap from china for the rest of your life And that's where your money's going. So I went, you know, look at three old ladies in Ohio save more dogs and cats in the year than the entire bloated Hs us and so I thought I am Going to raise money for the tiny guys who do all the real hands-on work and don't have Infrastructure or profile enough to to sustain and so that's what we do. We give out money day and night We raise it as we can We don't have a savings account everything that comes in dollar comes in dollar goes out We're totally volunteer. So we spend no money on anything postage office nothing every dollar goes to saving animals And we just support, you know and fund the tiniest smallest rescues across the united states If you go to tales of joy net slash Little guy grants you can look at these zillions of cities and states We've supported in the last 17 years of all the little rescues that are going around and everywhere I go I sell aftershow merchandise made for us which stays in that city So before work I pick out, you know a few weeks before they we give them all free tickets to get out of Rescue for a night because it's heartbreaking. They come and enjoy the show. They bring all their stuff their literature The their own city gets to know them We leave a hundred percent of the money behind for all the aftershow merch and they sell their own And so we leave a few thousand a night behind for local rescues every time I work anywhere Well, yeah, so it's that's you know, we've saved a lot of lives. It's great. Right. Yeah How many pets do you have? I'm down to one little fella right now and uh, you know It comes and goes I foster a lot. We really work on the hard cases A lot of pitties a lot of pitbulls a lot of roddies a lot of the big guys that are totally misunderstood And uh, it's the worst campaign against pitbulls, which is so wrong. I've never met a bad Pitbull, so it's only bad people Oh, well, he's good. He's good. He's good. He's very he's pretty. He's good, but I wish he didn't call himself pitbull Yeah, yeah, uh Are dogs from the planet earth? I mean I mean this do you I believe that dogs Are aliens? Well, I believe they certainly are a lot better than anybody I ever met that speaks english I think you might be right, you know, I I don't dress them up and I like that they're other You know, I don't want them to be people. I want them to be exactly what they are I don't put shirts on them or anything because they teach us How to live in the moment and oh we're having our picture taken well Yes, they teach us how to live in the moment and How to uh Be human Well, I know that when I got my first dog that I waited years for because I was touring all the time My boyfriend whom I lived with said oh my god this dog turned you into a human being as I was pretty uh, you know not one and I just think they touch your heart in a way that is so unbelievable And they come in with nothing and they go out with nothing I mean they have nothing for their whole lives and they're fine with it You know anytime you think you need something and then you just look at the dog being happy and having great life And you just go wow, it's just you don't need anything And the other thing that excuse me the other sound the sound that a dog makes that just reminds me Is when they do you whatever's going on you look over and hear your dog go I love when they sigh. I love when they sigh you just go. All right. I forgot. Well, do you do you realize? I mean you do that The people I interrupted you. I'm sorry. Oh, I don't remember. I'm a hundred. You were telling me how funny I am Oh, yeah Which you are um, which all your awards prove Um, but you know the the taliban and isis and all that they disallow animals They have no pets in their culture. No dogs. No cats. No And really I was kidding when I said my boyfriend said this dog turned you into a human being But really he did soften my heart and make me so much more empathetic and aware We're fighting these people who have no softness in their lives at all And I feel like you know, we drop these bombs. We should drop like a million puppies on these countries A million puppies and these guys who should be going, I tell you I can oh They couldn't they couldn't resist they couldn't you cannot you can't I I have to ask you some questions because something has happened Oh, you don't have to I have to you don't I have to because definitely miller make you do this Yes, something has happened where people are fascinated by comedians Things have so I have to ask you a couple quick questions What was your entry point into stand-up? Was it catch a rising star? Actually, it was uh, it's so weird because I'll say the improv and then people will think of the wrong improv But the improv of my beginnings was 1973 hell's kitchen in new york A dark corner in the middle of a million hookers and you know factories And uh, and it's not what you think you know I mean that all came later the glitz and the tv. This was just a little dive That bud Friedman had well actually his wife had the idea because she was a broad silver Friedman She was a Broadway chorus girl and said we need some place for everybody to hang out after So they opened it up. I think it was around 1967 and dustin hoffman would come in and play the piano And bet middler would sing it was just that it was a hangout coffee place. Oh, so he started in 1970 No, I think it was about 67. No, you started in I started in 73 the 70s. Yeah, okay Why the doorman before me was danie. Ilo the actor and then uh, I came in to be a waitress I was just desperate to make a living in any way possible. No, you're too funny and you're too great a joke writer Well, not then. Yes, you are You know, I was a kid. Were you born funny? Um, I think I was born with a very specific, uh, Skewed view and that's really what comedy is. It's not about being funny. It's about You know a skewed take on things Do you think it was just a coincidence that you that I ended up there? Yeah Well, is there any coincidence in life? I mean, I think you eventually get where you're supposed to be going whether you Go there purposely or accidentally and I was just going there to be a waitress I had been fired from every day of the week in new york city. There was a wednesdays There was a tuesdays. There was a fridays if there had been months. I would have been fired 12 more times I was the worst waitress in the history of the food service industry. There are people still waiting for forks from 1973 I would bring snails they had snails and I would bring the clippers so Much later that they had made jewelry out of the shelves I mean, I was the worst waitress and I was so Snails being served by somebody who's as slow as a yeah, exactly So, okay, so you do you remember the first time you went up on stage? I know these are difficult questions, but that you don't want to answer. I'm going to plow through them But no, you're just asking me to remember something that happened 150 years ago. That's the problem What because I'm curious. Do you remember your first jokes your first what you I do remember everything I basically You know tried to be sing not to be a singer, but I I had my first jobs before this were Just auditioning for you know little reviews that would work around the country or whatever And so I got a job in a review called jump for joy Which played the lukhain beach hotel in the Bahamas for six months and I was 17 or 18 And so I got to live in the Bahamas for six months and sing and dance in this silly little show Approve of this. I have no idea and it doesn't interest me at all So I got to live there and then I came back to new york and 17. Yeah Yeah, I was out of high school. Well, I didn't really graduate in those days They had what they would call a general diploma or an academic diploma academic diploma means you went to high school General diploma means we saw you once we need the chair That's what I got and just started 17 is young Well, I get out at 16 because my birthday's in the summer. So I was 16 So I just who are you living with? Um, just friends different places. Is it true? Andy Kaufman convinced you to become a stand-up comedian? That is true And then I was lived at his house for a long time Then I got an apartment in Greenwich Village with my host to sing money And he lived with me for two and a half years and I was maybe the greatest two and a half years in my life Okay, I have to stop you because Andy Kaufman There was nobody There is nobody there is nobody. Yeah, I'm glad that people love him so much and you know Want to say that he's alive and keep everything going and you know, nothing bothers me about him that in other words Whatever you want to say where he is what I'm just happy. It lives, you know Um, there's a couple of people who who trade on Andy's, you know deceased body for their own profit and that makes me sad And I hope people and I say this all the time if you think you might be a fan of his or love him Don't read anything written about him. Just because of the books in my opinion are you know, don't do him a great service at all I never cooperated with any of them ever. They never got a quote from me. There's one movie I'm just saying please go to his work. Yeah his actual You know video to work and just go to the source and then you can enjoy him. Don't listen to other people uh I was very I used to smoke a lot of dope and drink and I remember my friend Oh, you're the one a friend mark dawson showed me A video of his of a talk show Were you on the high desk? Yeah? Yeah, that's great. It was it was amazing. Yeah, what was that show? That was we wrote that together. It was the last thing he got to do. Um, it was a year before he died Uh, pbs soundstage gave him a an hour special, you know, they would do soundstage That was soundstage Andy Kaufman and he called me and he was really fed up with the negative people in his life and the users and the And he said look, I have an hour and you know, we used to come up with all our stuff together in the 70s I'd like you to write this with me and I said i'm on the road the whole time He said well, I'll come on the road with you and because even after we didn't live together anymore in the 70s We were best friends for the whole next 12 years So he came on the road and I would be you know, headlining these theaters And my name would be huge, you know next door and then we'd go into the restaurant and they'd say we're closed and they'd say But look, I'm right next door. My name is this, you know, can't we just know we're closed and then he'd come in from behind me And they'd go, oh, what do you want to eat? I said wait a minute What's interesting interesting This is a compliment But you're not you're not anything like Andy Kaufman You you people come see elaine boosler and they walk out going that was fantastic. I laughed Well, so they did that with Andy. Well, you know Andy kind of ruined my stand-up career because I loved Andy Kaufman and I I'm of the school of who says comedy has to be fun But it was fun. It was fun, but not for everybody But it what he never let it he never let it go in the end. He always And no matter what happened at the end you got it and you I mean, I have never in my look I was the doorman after danielo for two and a half years in that club So for seven nights a week eight hours a night. I watched everyone. That's why I know every act ever done in those years I didn't tell you anybody's stuff I watched him do stuff that I never heard audience response like this before since ever and people would be drained and soaked and So happy it was like the most life changing It's like you've got a massage and you laughed and they just you know stumble out like what but loving it I mean he people misunderstand. They think there's a meanness in comedy. This was the kindest sweetest human being He never had said a bad word about a living person Anyone he was such a fan of everyone He was so he was had such childlike delight in everything And people who misinterpret it and think they're going to be edgy and mean and fool everyone That's not andy kaufman and I'm exactly like andy because he taught me what the basis of really giving Is is it fair to say that sometimes it didn't always go over? He it never didn't work No matter what it took. Well, I mean, but you know, tony clifton I thought you know Funniest thing in the world the part of the joy of tony clifton was that he antagonized the crowd Yes, but but who's saying it did but he always got his comeuppance because he always got pinned by the woman He always made sure that it worked out and I think the saddest thing that ever happened Was the fact now bob's moota goes around doing this disgusting vile Ugly version of tony clifton now That people who don't know the original tony clifton think was tony clifton and it wasn't andy never cursed tony clifton never cursed That was that was the beauty of it. He's this terrible mean guy and you can say anything now And he you know his worst thing was listen darn it. You know, that's what's hilarious And here's moota's playing this drunk stone filthy disgusting pig that had nothing to do with tony clifton And I again urge people to go to the original footage and stay away from people just trying to make a nickel on People don't like bob's moota well Why is that? We don't want to talk about bob's moota uh Can we talk about unionizing comedians? Well, that didn't work That never worked Uh, they tried it in the 80s. We all tried in the 80s, but you know, it's like herding cats. It just doesn't happen You know, it's just something that doesn't happen And there there are still scars from that from the strike in the early days Oh, yeah, it was a terrible time. But you know in la or new york at the time. I was in la I was on the picket line. I mean there are pictures all over of us holding Signs, you know, no yucks. No bucks and I mean no bucks. No yucks and all that and we you know, we Worked at the comedy store in the improv for free forever and they kept saying it's just a college It's just a showcase. It's and I thought well, you know, you need a place to be bad. Okay, that's good We'll do that and then the comedy store opened what used to be seros nightclub huge 400 cedar Named at the main room and and put out the edict that if you were booked there for the weekend You had a dress up like in las vegas. You couldn't try material. You had to do a real las vegas show And they were put at the first cover charge on ever which I think was 10 bucks at the time Gas had just gone up to a dollar a gallon. We were eating, you know, believe me We had nothing and we went wait a minute. It's one thing to be going to college as they kept calling it But this is a major major You know money making enterprise here with sounds exactly like college Everybody's making money. You're right. You're going into debt. We had to play football. It was horrible So we just asked for a couple of bucks a set we asked for gas money and they said no And so we struck which was amazing and um was tom dresen the mention all that Oh, absolutely. He was a mention tell me about tom dresen Tom dresen is a great guy who worked his way up from nothing and from, you know, Harvey, Illinois as he'll tell you and He was one of the first black and white comedy act tim and tom in the 60s and it was a tim Tim reed and tom dresen they were tim and tom and they played the chitlin circuit because you couldn't get into white clubs if you had a black partner and so he really walked the walk And with the strike he kind of came out of it smelling like a rose. Well, why wouldn't he? I mean he did so much organizing and he was he was one of the grown-ups among us And he did a lot to try and facilitate A good outcome as did we all but he was more grown up than most of us And in the end what what happened was that they came to pay comedians for these spots And um, we got kicked out so we never got to work in those clubs again But it was time for us to move on anyway And now comedians can walk into any club in the country and get paid and go eat afterwards because there's some money in your pocket Right, right. It's hard for comedians to including me when I was starting out To grasp the idea that You're in this together Well, it's such a loner occupation So it is very hard But I always found in the early days the great part if it was if there's a part for an actor So they want a 510 blonde guy, you know, well everyone competes for that all the 510 blonde guys Comedy it's 52 weeks a year of putting someone in your club I all my jobs came from the comedian who was there the week before. Well, you should use elaine. Oh, okay I mean we all supported each other and recommended each other because There was a need for it and you're not competing with other comedians I I learned that quickly and to me it's like baseball Save my ups when you're playing on a team and you're up and they're two outs and you're saved my ups If you get on base, that means I get to get it. Exactly. Why do you hate the Mets? I love the Mets But I do say that, you know, if if one man if you were with one guy, you know And you told your girlfriends he said he's gonna change. He said he's gonna try He said he's gonna do better. He's gonna do the right thing and he kept letting you down They'd say you got to leave this guy. Why is it okay when nine men do this to you? Why is that okay? I'm not a big sports fan Uh, there's a window 1969 to Oh, well, it's easy to like them in 1969 Actually, when did null and ryan pitch for the Mets? Oh god Well, it was before the world series and he only asked to be traded because his wife was so terrified of being in new york When he was on the road that she said if you don't make them trade you i'm going to leave you Oh, I didn't know that. Oh, yeah Now I hated null and ryan because he left no because he sucked for the Mets I remember watching him. Oh, but my wild pitches. You have to understand something Everyone sucks when they're on the Mets. It's only when they get traded that they become who they are Are you kidding me? But the 69 Mets That was the year of miracles. That really was the miracle Mets. I mean the we landed on the moon Well, I think that had something to do with the Mets Finally winning I think the moon landing changed so many things in the atmosphere. That's how the Mets won Oh my goodness. Do you think uh The tides were affected weren't they everything was affected and the tide water tides was the Mets triple 18 So, you know, that's why the Mets won the world series But everybody everybody got great when they left the Mets at garter well funzo and oh my god Everybody once they left the Mets they became great in whatever team they went to so you know Yeah, yeah, but you're still a Mets fan. Well, of course It's like your horoscope. You're born into your team. You can't change it. Are you able to lose yourself in a game? Me? Yeah Well, it depends on the game You know, I just call them the susan luci of baseball. It's like they're always nominated and they you know, you think this was the year and You know, what are you gonna do? I mean, it's your team. You got to hang in that's all Were you harassed during the strike? Is that true where they're goons who threatened you? No I don't remember. I heard rumors that somebody really that's a rumor No, no, even the people who crossed the picket line for their own, you know gain I mean, we're we don't like them, but I don't remember it ever getting ugly You know, it's just we're only like you never see a comedian We're verbal people. Uh-huh. We'll just you know Well, we have some of our we have listeners who asked I asked my listeners to ask you questions So there's some questions that I want to play off because one of the questions is about being booked on cars And I want to And the question is how long did it take you to get on Carson? But I want to ask you about merv griffin. Did you do merv griffin the greatest guy you ever lived You know, there this is what people don't understand I love dick cavitt. I think dick. I want to get him into the studio. I think dick cavitt is great Merv griffin is the most underrated talk show. Absolutely. Tell me why merv griffin was great Well, first of all, Carson gets all the credit that merv really earned Merv was the one who broke every comedian on television I did the merv griffin show five years before I ever did the tonight show Not only did I do the merv griffin show I did it every 15 minutes And if you had a bad set instead of banning you from the show, he would yell at the audience and go you're idiot She's great. You come back tomorrow night and do this again. Wow. Oh, yeah. He was Unbelievable He was a true fan just the way jimmy fallon is he you know, people think they're a little bit fawning and they may be But it's real and that's why it's okay He loved talent. He loved having the job. He was brilliant. He owned his own show Nobody owned his own show in those days. So he knew he couldn't get fired So he could put on who he wanted and if he was your fan, that was it your life was made And he there's not one mean or bad or ugly story about him Trying to hurt anybody in the business or keeping people off And he was so open as far as black comics and women and everybody and karson was not that at all So merv was your your entree into earning a living and he was the greatest guy in the world And when I did my first special, I'm sorry It was my second special Broadway baby and I wanted little clips from the different shows because it was an opening about my history He had already sold merv griffin enterprises to sony for like a flillion dollars. And so I needed a five second clip And sony owned the show now and they wanted something like 30 000 dollars for a five second clip of me Just walking out and and hugging merv and you know, I only had a nickel, you know to my name So I wrote merv a letter and he called sony and said just give that to her. What's wrong with you? And they did they had to wow. I mean, that's who he was. Yeah Uh, he created jeopardy and he created amazing Wheel of fortune. He was going to be the original replacement for jack par And was a true broadcaster Listen, I'm not going to take anything away from johnny karson. I could talk about karson Uh, I rather not but uh, because they're they're they're but the thing about merv griffin He's so underrated, but you go back and watch his show The I was I it's on hulu some of the episodes are on hulu I'm I'm not making this up two nights ago. I was Timothy leary and henny youngman were discussing lsd. Oh my god, that's fabulous You know, I can't do a henny youngman impersonation, but henny I saw a side of henny Where where he's like, oh Is a serious guy I have some great henny youngman stories if you want them so in the moment merv griffin I've learned so much of this show Is From watching old episodes of merv griffin. Is that right because he stayed he when he Did you learn how to host from that? Well, I wouldn't say I've ever learned it But I did it in rich. Oh stop it But learning to to focus on your guest and let it go where it's supposed to go Yes, you have to be in the moment. That's what kalfman was. That's what I learned from him What about henny youngman? Oh, well, there are two great stories. Well, one is my favorite story because I'm in it I uh when I moved to california for for the business I never I always had a foot in new york, whether it was a friend's place that had a room for me or whatever Oh, I thought you meant you were diabetic and you left the foot back in new york Oh, no, no, no good circulation. There's an example of a joke merv griffin would never do No, he might have he was he was goofy But well, it was one of the greatest compliments I ever got in in the in the sweetest way I would go to the Carnegie deli every night no matter what in new york. I was gigging. I had jobs I'd drive back whatever and I'd end up at the Carnegie deli at one in the morning or whatever And henny youngman came in every night with his entourage of older men And immediately they would say come join us and so I'd sit with them all And the old guys knew exactly who I was and what I did and I was new, you know as 80s I wasn't a big big name and they would say so how was your show tonight? They were so you know considerate and loving and henny never let let me know that he knew I was a comedian He never talked to me much. He never and I thought either he hates women comedians like Carson and all the old farts Or he just doesn't know and so I never said anything and you know, I would be in the conversation But it would never be about me being a comedian one night they come in and they have a younger guy with them And he's trying really hard and sometimes when people are around comedians They try to be funny and it's kind of sad because they're not and you have two choices You could be mean about it. You could be nice about it. You know, I'm always nice about it. Anyway The guy's really getting on henny's nerves because it's all bad stuff Right and finally henny just throws his napkin down Stands up and hits his hand on the table and says to the kid look I do the jokes here after me. She does the And it was like one of the greatest moments of my life Now you want to hear a brilliant show business any young men's story, okay, so Uh Henny did the same 25 minutes no matter what if he was getting $50,000 for it if he was getting $5 for it He had 25 minutes it never changed didn't matter what you hired him for and no matter what he agreed to You were getting the 25 minute show. That was the end of it. So his manager, you know I guess henny was 85 and the manager was 90. He calls him up one day. He says, honey, I got you a gig it's a corporate date up at uh At the top of the wall door if it's some corporate thing and they're going to give you uh, They're going to give you $5,000. He goes and I'll take 10% and then henny said, oh great He said I'll walk you over. I'll wait in the lobby and then we'll go eat So they go to the wall door if henny goes upstairs. He does the you know the 25 minutes for the corporate audience He does fine. They give him $5,000 He comes down in the elevator and the elevator stops on the mezzanine and the doors open and he sees a bar mitzvah going And he just walks out. He grabs the first guest he sees and he says take me to the bar mitzvah boys father And the guy says all right Then he walks over he says any young men and the guy said yes And henny says you want me to entertain at your son's bar mitzvah right now 500 dollars cash And the guy said wow And he does his 25 minutes. He gets the 500 dollars cash He comes down his manager snoring in the lobby of the wall door. He shakes your shoulder He hands him the 500 he goes here's your commission. Let's go eat Wow, these are the stories I love I have a book that I've been writing for 20 years called big fun It's not an autobiography. It's just all the great stories From the second golden age of comedy that I came up in in the 70s and 80s And if I ever finish the damn book, I'll finally be rich because you know, it's great and it's not an autobiography The first chapter says childhood. It was bad chapter two. So 1973. It's not about me. It's all the great stories Was childhood bad Next question Does it have to be bad? No, no, I hate to be a cliche. It doesn't have to be bad I know a lot of comedians with like the happiest childhoods in the world Brooks claims Jerry Seinfeld Jay Leno, you know, I mean a lot of happy You know, this is what I think people like to romanticize it because it seems like an oxymoron But I bet you if you went to bankers and dentists and doctors, they'd be the same Percentage of bad childhoods. It's just the percentage of bad childhoods in the world And nobody looks at that but because it's comedians who who you trade in being funny. They they think it's bizarre if it was a bad childhood Excuse me Blame it on the mic. Yes, I blame it on alex. I think difficulty in life Helps you As a stand-up Well, you know as it helps you in everything. What's the great quote? Nobody ever became learned how to be a great sailor on calm seas And that's pretty much it. If you don't hit a couple of storms, you know, you're never going to know how to save the same Is there such thing as a great sailor? Yeah, they're a great sailors. All right, of course I've been fleet week. I but that's a whole other part of my life. Let me tell you there is a great sailor Uh No, but Like as a stand-up comedian I know this is hard for me for you to believe as well as me, but sometimes I don't kill And I know I know I don't even use those words. I never say kill or die. It's just not in my vocabulary I don't see it that way I just don't think of it that way. It's not that to me Well, if a joke doesn't go over and the audience begins to dislike me Uh, first of all, they don't dislike you or like you. They don't know you You're putting out a product. They like it or they don't they get to maybe like you as they go along But I don't think they ever dislike you because a joke doesn't work. They just like me really well You're special No, they do dislike me because I can make them laugh, but I can't make them like me But the point I'm making is why do you think they dislike? First of all, you may be wrong But why do you think and how do you know that they dislike? I've talked about this countless times on the show Really? So my the listeners are going to get Bored and we're talking about me and not you but the point I'm making is that I think a difficult childhood is makes for good Can give you powers a comedian because I've noticed when a joke doesn't go over I'll go. I know that feeling. Hello old friend rejection and I'll just plow along. Wow You are way too busy up there. Yes, you are first of all you you're not in the moment then right because you're not you're thinking Man, it's like skiers. I watch them go that fast in the olympics. I go there You know, I was skiing once and a guy I said, why can't I get it? Why can't I be better and a guy a really smart guy said to me You're never going to be a good skier because you think too much And that's stand-up too. You got to be like flying You got to be going you can't sit there and judge every moment. That's why if if they don't like you they're going He's not even with us He's not even here. You know, maybe that's why they feel like you're not paying attention But your act have a do you know exactly what you're going to say have no idea what I'm going to say You can watch me 10 nights in a race. You're totally different show My act is so in the moment. First of all my opening is always different I always feel the greatest opening on earth is people are talking and chatting in the audience And and then the lights go down they go, oh, I'll finish that sentence later and you come out and you finish that sentence What's on the people's minds that minute of that day? And when you come out and you talk about what exactly going on in their city and what they saw in the news tonight And you open with that you're there. You're with them. You're in their house You're in the living room. So I mean andi always said to me, you know The real success is if they wish they they could go home and hang out with you afterwards I mean that's the success. I got half of that They want to go home. They just want to go home I don't know. I really feel for my audience I always my only mission statement is to try and leave them feeling better than when they came in I think life just shits down on you 24 7 and if people took the time to you know Get dressed and take a shower and get in their car and pay money and see you Why would I want them to Feel diminished and miserable and hopeless. I mean for me I just there's a certain buzz after a show that's such a beautiful It's my favorite sound in the world aside from dogs dreaming and going But it's you know, the show is great when I always listen as they're leaving and you hear this joyful like You know this whole high thing of and more laughter because they're telling each other what they that's the most beautiful thing on earth Comedians tend to be Good husbands and wives, right? They have no Oh, no Run for your life. I thought statistically No, I thought we had healthy marriages and get out. I used to have my husband and I fight. I go. You're right I agree with you run save yourself But you're still married. Well on and off People always say how long you marry they say on and off You know, I have a good marriage, but that's because he's we're both in such phenomenally bizarre Workplaces that You know, and we're also old enough. We met we were both older. He had been married before You know, we are we're old enough to understand leave this person alone when this person needs to be left alone I mean, it's not a traditional Right marriage, but there's a lot of joy in it But I you know, I dated comey don't date comedian run, you know, my girlfriend would say I can't believe he did this I said, did you listen to the act? He's telling you who he is. There's no, you know It's right out there run for your life. If you don't want to listen then it's your fault No, don't I can't imagine Having a relationship with a comedian. Oh, no, you don't want to be a too needy. Are we needy? I think we're needy. I don't think I'm needy. Tell me I'm needy. Come on. I need to hear you. Tell me I'm needy. We're all needy I'm right I'm not needy, but I am crazy. So, you know, take your pick. We are needy, right? I'm not needy I'm just crazy. Andy was was perfect because he wasn't a comedian in quotes. So all that didn't apply, right, but I think a lot. I think people are needy. I mean, you know, anyone who's Who's not secure is going to be needy. I'm right, you know, and people are crazy. Look, everybody's crazy Good relations, but just you have to find the credit. I mean, I think they said it in rocky one 150 years ago, you know, what did he say? She got issues. I got issues together. We whatever it was together. We He said, how do you get along with my sister? She got Well, it's something like that. But anyway, you got to find the crazy that fits into your crazy What do you mean by crazy if you don't mind my asking? Well, uh Let me think of a good example. What about anger? I'm gonna ask you about anger. Uh-huh. How angry are we? Well, I you know, I You're pumping everyone together and there are so many different But aren't Aren't comedians if there's a common denominator. Okay, let's put it this way and today's a perfect example You may think comedians are angry, but I'll bet there's not one comedian who's voting for trump right now Yeah, and there's anger. Yeah, let's talk about that Well, the whole every fan of his is is based on anger and hatred and I don't think any comedian because we happen to be intelligent Are on that side. So when you talk about anger, there's a lot more angry people in this population than comedians are What is happening to this country? You never what I don't know who said it years ago But you never go broke underestimating the american public and I when you to you know sell hate and anger You're gonna get a lot of people buying that and that's the way it is and people feel disenfranchised whether it's accurate or not There's so much hate and anger and the war and we're living in the the coldest world since a till of the hunt I mean you look out at people cutting people's heads off and you go, man I really hope I make people feel better after they come in and I don't shy away from anything I talk about every single thing I say, you know Isis now is so powerful that the only thing left for al-qaeda to do is go on dancing with the stars Because you know, I mean you have to talk about it. You have to bring it There's a thousand elephants in the room these days. So let me push back on that uh I think first of all, I'm a an obama Apologist and I think if you look at a historical sweep, we will look back at this time fondly the same way we look back the same way our parents looked at roosevelt That I think obama we don't know it Because we're in a bubble We don't realize it, but he saved this country Well, what I find phenomenal is that people who accuse him of this and that never give the responsibility to the congress that Refused to let this man have one victory in eight years You know, they call it an imperial presidency because he had to do some things by executive order They would have been nothing without executive order, which by the way has less executive orders than every republican who served before him But when people say he's this or that why don't they ever give uh, john bainer the responsibility for making sure I mean, he could have literally said I have a cure for cancer and they would have said look He's trying to take away your cancer now. Um really they Blocked him because they wanted him to fail wholly and uh, so that's where that lies Yeah, uh the first two years There was a legislative record that uh, not since lbj I mean, you know obama care. Yeah, somehow he finagled it. Well, unfortunately He was naive in a sense and not you know, it's funny to say this But I identify with him in a way because he was the first black president And I know this I'm not making believe that I have any importance in the history of the world I don't but being a young Attractive unmarried woman in 1973 when abortion had only been passed 10 seconds earlier and women were not in the workplace much And people didn't even know what I was doing up there I had such a responsibility to everything in each direction To not you know, it's like like your parents used to say Oh my god, is it good for the jews because if somebody was was terrible, you know And it was a jewish person then they take it out on every every jew I mean, there was a comedian named lotus wine stuck who had one of my i loved Yeah, she used to date lenny She had one of my favorite but that's not her real claim to fame She's also a brilliant she's a brilliant comic and one of my favorite lines on earth belonged to her And she said son of sam when everybody was hysterical in new york about son of sam and her father was reading the paper When they caught son of sam and they said david berkowitz is son of sam and her father said david berkowitz Well, that's a funny name for a portarecan So how brilliant is that right? So I felt as this woman that you know, if I blow this that's it. They closed the door on everybody Was that pressure on you really? Of course it was. Do you know that i'm a baseball fanatic? I know everything I did play by play for years while I was on tour in every city I went to judy tanuta goes on and appears with the mechs in the booth I was booked for the following week. They didn't like her appearance. I watched it. She was great But you know, they're so pg that they didn't like it They call me an hour after the show and say you're not coming on next week I said, oh, but is billy crystal coming on in two weeks? Well, of course I said so because you didn't like that woman comedian now I can come on but all the male comedians are still welcome. I said i'm coming on And so that's what it was. I mean you were always responsible. So For obama, I understand he was the first black guy. He couldn't be aggressive. He couldn't be uppity He couldn't be this he couldn't be that it is the hardest tightrope in the world to walk and the biggest mistake with obama care He was so naive in thinking if he got rid of single payer the republicans wouldn't fight him He actually slaughtered a lamb for them to to pay homage to you know So look i'm willing to work at you when they went hey great He got rid of the first thing we didn't like now. Let's kill it completely He so naively didn't understand yet That he was getting nothing from these haters and the reason obama care isn't perfect is because he did slay single payer and it affects us all badly And it would have been amazing if he just would have kept it in and passed it. Yeah Well, there's my comedy. No, no, no, how many people want to kill themselves right now? Let's all shoot ourselves. Can I ask you about being a female I don't think of that I think whoever can carry you out of the burning building gets to be the fireman And if your house is on fire and a woman comes up to save you who can carry you You don't refuse to get out of the room because it's a female comedian And if if a guy comedian is on stage bombing you have 10 seconds to be funny. Good luck with you know Good luck with that if a guy's bombing nobody says oh, he's awful At least it's a man and if a woman's doing great nobody says wow, she's so funny too bad It's a woman you got 15 seconds and then people aren't seeing you anymore. They're laughing. So that's it, you know Uh, there weren't that many Female comedians when you started well, there was no young dressed up for a date trying to be pretty one No, it had been you know married women and complaints and but in in remember this people say oh, they were so self-deprecating It was terrible. No, it wasn't that was comedy for men and women then Joan rivers and phyllis dillard who were brilliant and toady fields brilliant They were doing what the men were doing at the time rodney danger field and jackie vernan and jackie mason They were all complaining about their reality of their lives Which was hang dog and hen pecked and married and blah blah blah When it changed with lennie bruce and richard prier and robert kline and george carlin You know they became the town criers and it became more of social observation And that's when I came up and it was richard louis and andy and j leno and freddy prince and jimmy walker and gabe Kaplan and you know letterman and that became a new kind of kind. What is the event will move on What is the best advice you were given about being a female comedian? And what was the worst advice you were given nobody gave you any advice People the only advice was always negative and people said you can't do this. It's never and what was the advice the bad advice You can't do this. It's not gonna work. Don't bother. What be a young pretty girl on stage and you know talking They told you that wouldn't work. Absolutely who everybody Except the male comedians the minute they saw me they loved it and they would always help and the audience from the first minute But the gatekeepers Oh, the gatekeepers still don't let us in but from the first second the audience was right there the audience First of all the audience is America the audience was always 10 years ahead of the business always That's why abc and mbc and cbs which will be gone in five years are now trying to get streaming networks going and hiring every Comic they can find because they didn't see it coming. They never see it coming. They never know what's going on You know, uh, you know you get a special 15 years after the public is paid to see you for 15 years So the public loved it from day one Andy was the best All the guys were the best and never had a comedian turn on me. Carson was the worst So tell me why talk about him. He's dead. Thank goodness. Oh, sorry. I know you all love him. Yeah, great guy I don't know. I'll uh, but Andy the advice was keep going just keep right going And that's what I say to anyone keep going, you know, you can't sing in the shower and get better You can if you're a singer you can if you're coming you have to go up and you know You learn a billion times more from a bad show than a good show as much as it hurts You learn very little from a good show. I don't think it was you who said this but a female comedian Said that johnny would always open a door for a woman and you know stand when she Walked into her room, but he never gave her what she really needed which was respect Look, I couldn't care less about johnny Carson. He was a product of his time He was an old fart who with a closed mind and that was the end of it The problem was he was in such a position of power that it Crippled our ability to move forward to make a living to be known taken anything. It was horrible Um, and that's too bad, but luckily there are always good people to counterbalance that and there were And so there you go larry king Merve griffin You know, that's the way it went and I don't whine and I don't complain that you know I'm not going to say oh, there were no black people nominated for an oscar this year when when that happened in my world I just got better. I just did more you complain people turn on you You just get out there and earn an oscar next year Do it sometimes complaining helps right? No, it doesn't it never helps really Are you kidding the first thing anyone ever told me never complain never explain that's the end of it And that's it and show business. Yeah, but what about politics? complaining Well, I mean like I'm just complaining doesn't offer positive solutions. First of all, it's not like there were 100 great movies Featuring black actors this year. I mean I I saw straight out of Compton the first day It was out and it's funny because it was my birthday You know and I said to my husband. Well, this is great. I'm in my 60s watching straight out of Compton on my birthday I I finally reached my goal in life. I'm not my parents And it was a great movie, but I don't think it was oscar, you know oscar performances So stop complaining. Just go make a you know Go make a better movie and people don't want to let you in. Oh, wow, wow, wow You know come to my life in the 70s and 80s and see who's not going to let you in You know, I had four cents saved in the bank and I had to pay for my own special Because all they kept saying to me was well The public doesn't want to see a woman do an hour and I said I do two and a half hours on the road Read my reviews. They say it's the longest and best show they've ever seen Well, we can't we're not we don't want it. Hey, if I complained, you know what? I wouldn't have one special You don't complain you go fix it. You go you go show them that they're wrong and that's the secret of life Right, right. That's all you can do. I think a little quetching Goes a little public never a little. No, isn't bernie quetching Do we like bernie? We love bernie. We love bernie. But bernie's complaining He's offering solutions. I mean if you want to quetch you got to offer a solution What is the point of just coming up and complain? What is the point? That's all I do is complain Well, that's why this we're in a tiny little room here in the rain Don't you want to be on Lake Como and uh, george cluny says clinking champagne glasses with with selma hyac Stop complaining you weenie Was there ever a complaint department? I always hear about like in life or did any business actually have a complaint department department stores always had a complaint department What happened to a complaint department? I don't know. I think the people They're probably still there nobody comes up and they don't even know it I want to you know what? I don't think I need a priest a rabbi or a shrink or a wife about an exorcist I need an exorcist and somebody to let me complain to I just Yeah, I just somebody has to bear witness to what I'm Not totally understand that I get a dog really it's you have to get a dog My friend was getting divorced and she's very mild mannered and he was really screwing her And so I would be on the phone with her I go that and I would just let it rip And she go you have to she call me every day and go do that again Because I can't do that and my husband heard me and he went you got a charge for this You got to open a business where people pay you you know to call up people that they want to tell Yes And you do it for them because yes, nobody yes can let it go like yes I think I'm going to start that business that you put the goddamn lawyers out of business That's because that's what you think a lawyer is going to do for you. They don't they don't they just horse trade Yes, yeah, horse trade and charge you a lot of money. Yes, they do don't I'm going through something that I don't believe me. I've been there. I I had a joke because I was through so much bad lawsuits I said, here's my new law if you're found guilty your lawyer has to die with you Here's here's what I explained to my lawyer so much. I hate lawyers here. I said to my lawyer It's not you have to go after the other lawyer. That's the enemy. Yeah, no professional courtesy That we report this lawyer to the bars. Nope They don't they won't do that. This makes me so angry that congress goes out and drinks together after they Screw the public every day. Yeah, you know, no Um, we're done. Aren't we? You and me. Yeah. No, we're almost done an hour and 15 minutes Well, we're gonna I have three more questions like if I don't get to these questions my listeners are going to be pissed off You moderated a democratic presidential debate in 2003 Yeah on c-span. Yeah For the national organization for women And it was hilariously fun and sharp and came late because he was late and uh And he was the funniest one on the oh, he's so genius. He's a genius. I did politically incorrect with him one night I did a 32 times before they moved over to hbo Uh 32 times I did it and I did it with sharp and and it was right when 9 11 happened and all that and they kept Putting videos out al-qaeda kept putting videos out and so bill more says well Al-qaeda put out al-sama bin Laden released another video today in sharp and says man that guy's dropping more videos and married jayblives That's how good he is Oh man, he's so funny. He's so sharp sharp. So he came late. Yeah, sharpened. He came late and they said well Is what happens when you take the bus? And we went back and forth for a while and then Kucinich leaned over and said to sharpen We're running mate So we were just going back and forth. There was a lot of power dain carry. Yeah. Yeah carry didn't come. He didn't come. No There you go. That's why he didn't get elected. I I take a full responsibility for him And who else was who else was asking? Oh god, it's 2003. Do you know how much I drink? Do you drink? God don't you Know Lily Tomlin who's a friend was doing a benefit versus someone I asked her to help and so I come back in the dressing room There's a couple of empty bottles of wine and she was about to go on I said, how can you and she looked at me? She said, how can you not? Or george gobbels said i'm not going out there alone That's great. Uh Let's see, uh Last question. All right. Well the second's the last question is will you come back? Will you do this? We'll do a live show with an audience. Yeah, would you do this? Oh, that would be so This is fine. This is a big thing for us. No, no stop. It is we were oh stop Okay, well, uh, so tales of joy net if you go on tales of joy net We sell so much cool stuff and 100 percent of every dollar goes to save lives Please go on and look and buy some stuff or make a donation Okay, and are you watching other stand-ups? Some if so, do you ever get Feldman-esque Meaning jealous. Oh god dead inside Envious. Oh, you really you really do need a dog Every time I see someone amazing like Maria Bamford or Eliza Schlesinger Yeah, Eliza. Thank you for saying that about Eliza. She's one of my great friends. I love her more than life There are you know, here's I just want to say Eliza won last comic stand. Oh, did she I didn't even know that now. You don't like her so much I started telling you all her credits and suddenly I did her podcast I know, you know, I don't do any podcasts I did hers because I love her and then I did yours because I knew how great it was and I actually asked you If I could do it on Twitter Kind of I put myself in front of you on Twitter. So you'd ask me but I turned down literally Well, it's an honor literally a lot Well, Eliza is really really fine. She's brilliant. She's brilliant. I don't think she gets the respect she deserves Well, it takes time And she's hosting that amazing game show now where she's hilarious Someone found a way to make a game show young and hip and put her at the helm of it Oh I told you I drink and I'm 100 look it up. It's fantastic and she's brilliant at it And it you would you it's an oxymoron to say cool game show No, someone found a way to make a new game show hip young and cool and she's fabulous Okay, so there is comedians. I love to watch, you know, um, man, I was working with uh with uh with uh Alonzo Bowden not too long ago and he did a bit and I still do it in my head It was so great. He said, yeah somebody got fired for violating the morals clause in football He goes didn't know football had a morals clause last game I watched the dog killer passed it to the wife beater the wife beater passed it to the girlfriend slapper The girlfriend slapper passed it back to the dog killer. I went, okay. I'm in love with him That's it Now there's great cut when I see someone that good. It just makes me go home and write I just want to be better And what are your I watched some of your stand-up before and Fresh jokes brand I mean everything yeah right out of the paper every day So what is your what are you writing? Well, I'd say go home and write that's wrong It's just kind of a figure of speech what my writing habits are this I read everything I can all day and then I go on stage and start riffing and I Audio tape every night. I find out what's going on there and start to you know flesh out a piece and that's how it works I've never sat down and really written a joke Except for the baseball piece but that was about it So the writing is done on stage on stage and that's why you have to and Andy always said You know you always get something if you go on but if you don't record that night You really don't get what you should be getting did Andy record everything. Oh, yeah, and he went back and listened to Yeah, and you listen to it because you riff and you don't know what you said You're in the moment and then you come out and you go. Oh, that's how that worked I mean that's what you do. That's your job Right, right. And is there a section of your show where you try new stuff or you just don't know all throughout all over So you have to sit through an hour and 15 minutes. Oh, I didn't say I listen to it every night Yeah, that's the hard part But you kind of know what you did You know where you're coming in and what you're looking for And sometimes like a joke will work and never work again And you kind of try and find where you know what changed I mean, it's the horrible thing about comedy It's like guitar playing, you know, you got to tune it every night and you don't tune the guitar And it's perfect every night you go man, I had it and now I don't have it And it's you never get good enough to say well, I conquered that now what's you know, what's next It doesn't happen. It goes away. It's frightening. I gotta say I gotta ask you and just for my own benefit I have to say this and just so I was about 10 years into stand-up nine No, I would say eight years into stand-up and I wasn't going and I was living in san francisco and I Was I decided to do what you just said I was gonna sit with a legal pad Tape every set and listen to it. It was the most painful thing. Oh, isn't it? It's horrible And but it was amazing every time I sat down and listened to my set I got one new joke got better. I did that for a year Yeah, and I was on stage every night and I had a brand new act and I was fantastic And the way to make it less painful You make believe someone hired you to listen to this person's act and fix it and you make believe it's not you These are the fundamentals. It's like boxing and if you don't do that, I'm not doing this right I'm getting up on stage And I'm trying and I'm trying and I get off stage and I write down But that worked that worked But I I go record it and I do record it, but I don't listen to it Well, if you don't listen to it, then uh, you didn't record it. Yeah. Yeah But there are a lot of people who why should they have to suffer and not you But and it's what it's what I tell younger comics Is you've got to tape every set And listen to that's all just audio, right? But I don't always practice what I preach. Well, you know, at least it's there if you want to go back and listen Yeah That's what standard. That's the purity. You know, Seinfeld says There's justice and comedy That's an interesting statement. Well, that's what alex told me. He said what did he mean by that? He meant that it's so we're taping two episodes basically We're we're gonna wrap it up. Don't you love that? I'm saying taping. How old am I so we're we're zapping two episodes. I'm gonna take you home Thank you. How many pizza places can we stop along the way? We'll stop it I'm I got one star from my last uber driver He said I sucked on curbie enthusiasm. That was his review of me. I didn't think that It's working the fundamentals and I do have to come back I started out with larry david and I didn't even get to tell you the good stories or anything They're all in the book. Anyway, you're coming back in may. Yes, but so say what were you saying? Well, that's the working the fundamentals. There's justice and it's you have to be self destructive Well, wait, did he mean there's justice in comedy meaning if you do the work he will get the pay off He meant if you're a white heterosexual male, there's justice No, that's america comedy You have to be a a black straight male. There's justice in comedy. That's what's happening No, there is justice in that if you do the work beforehand You know, you tape your set you work the legal pad. You know what you're gonna say You work the jokes when you get up on stage, you will find justice the audience will respond to Professionalism and you're working. Well, you better be funny, too. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. Oh, that's what I forgot Well, you are more than funny. You are and we haven't even scratched. We haven't even scratched the surface Thank you so much. Elaine booze. We're happy to be here. Thank you. You'll come back I hope and maybe we can you'll introduce me. I do Stephanie show all the time I love her but i'm in new york and she's in l.a. So maybe well come visit I have a come visit. Okay. Thank you so much my pleasure