 link right here. Hope you got informed in our previous interview and this one is for those ones planning to get interrelationships or interrelationships, right? So I have a guest who was dedicated his life to transforming lives and speaking about relationships and encouraging, equipping and empowering lives to unmask the potential to operate in the area of Papus. Quite deep right there and this is in the back end of his brand new book before you think of dating. He goes by the name Alan Lawrence, Karibusana. Yes sir, thank you so much. Your camera is number four. I know you have a lot of AKs that you'd like to share with us. So just introduce yourself briefly. Wow. My introduction is very simple. My name is Alan Lawrence. I'm a man who wants to die empty. I'm a man who wants to one day when I die let people remember me not for the suits I wear, not for the things I have done but the impact I've left on the earth. The impact you've left on the earth. Yes. And today I think you're going to leave some impact on this show for sure. Yes. First before we get into discussing this amazing book and I love the cover. Thank you so much. Are you in a relationship Mr. Alan Lawrence? Yes, I'm in a relationship, a serious relationship. For how long have you been in a relationship? A serious relationship for now about four years. For four years now. All right, I was dating a critic of relationships like you. That is a question I should be losing to Alan Lawrence. If you're watching, I'd like to know how it is dating a relationship critic like Alan. Let's get into this book. It's better to wait other than waste. Remember no relationship will never leave you neutral. It will either buy something out of you or sell something into you. Very deep words right there. Yes. What did this come from? Broken relationship or a broken heart? Not necessarily direct but indirect because I do counseling for a number of people. You come to realize that most of the people, they have not mapped their purpose. You get into a relationship because you want to fit in. Because your friends are dating you just want to fit in and you've not mapped your purpose. That is when I've said no relationship will ever leave you neutral. Like all of us, the producers and everyone here, there is a struggle we are going through. And this struggle, you look at it keenly, it was because of some wrong association and having unrealistic expectations on people. I think the first trouble starts with self, accepting self. That is when now you cannot relate with another person if you've not related with yourself. Because if you have issues with yourself, even you can get lost in a crowd of two people, yet you are the tallest one. So it takes you to have... You are full of quotes and I am in love with it. So if you are not okay or content with yourself, if you have not known yourself, you can get lost in a crowd of two people, however tall you are. All right. And a crowd of two people is a smart way of saying your relationship. Yes exactly. All right. So a lot of people get into relationships with a lot of expectations. Yes. That's why they end up being frustrated. So people get frustrated because of expectations. Expectations and realistic expectations. All right. We have something called standard. Kebs. How do you have standards without expectations? There's no... We can't have standards without expectations. Without expectations. Right. But it all begins, you know, like I always ask ladies for instance, you find a lady, once a guy who drives. No problem. That is a standard you've said to yourself. So the other day someone was saying, if you want a guy who drives, you will definitely find them where you parked your car. So it begins where you... Because it's the only way you're going to find other drivers if you're parking with them. Exactly. All right. So it's just like, you know, I cannot expect to have champagne on a changa baguette. It can never work. It can never work. Expectations are the first enemies of relationships. Exactly. All right. So many people have frequently been using dating as a rescue centers for themselves and they never are comfortable around themselves. That's why they end up dating wrongly. Many people are frequently be using dating as a rescue for themselves. All right. So what are people risking themselves from while they get into dating? All these problems that lead people into dating, thinking that dating is going to save them from it. They shouldn't one by one because I'm pretty sure it's affected most of us around here. I think the reason as to why people like, they are never comfortable around themselves because I will doubt you if you promise me something that you are not yourself. So it begins by you loving the person in the mirror. Because we can sit here. I can cheat on you. I can lie and speak a lot of things. But there is one person I can never like myself. That moment, am I comfortable? Am I realistic with myself? When I look myself in the mirror, once you are very much contented with yourself, you love yourself. That is where now you can promise another person to love another person. So people use dating as rescue mission in this sense whereby they are not contented staying around themselves. They have not mapped their purpose. Their validation comes from outside. But because your validation comes from inside, you will not even seek a relationship because you have an intimacy with yourself. That is when you can now confidently give love to another person. So you cannot pour from an empty cup. You cannot ever pour from an empty cup. Fill yourself. Fill yourself. That is when now you can promise another person love. So most people, they tend to run into relationships so that they can feel validated. Your value needs to come from within yourself. Today, for instance, someone will date another person just because they want to be associated with another person. But once you are like, I am contented with myself. So I always ask people, today if you are not dating that person, will your value remain? If you are not called me so and so, if you are not called that you are dating so and so, will your value remain as a person? But I think we are two in one. When we are two in one, there is no one for one. But now, let's be real, for instance, today you minus sex out of a relationship. Most of the people will remain single. That is a fact. Most of the people will remain single. So the value is what remains because a relationship can come and go. People can come and heartbreak you. But are you comfortable around yourself? Have you mapped your papa's? Can you wake up in the morning? There is a time even when I wake up, I don't want to hear anyone telling me I love you. But what will cement us together, what will keep me going is my papa's. So you need to find that papa's for us? Yes. Okay. So we often find ourselves in situations, I know myself, or you can never be 100%. Exactly. 98% knowing your papa's and knowing yourself where you are going. But you happen to meet this person, you fall in love with them, but they still have issues of their own. How do you deal with such a situation? Do you build the person, do you bring the person up or run away? Number one, relationship is not mentorship. So, you know, most of the people today, they are into relationship, they are thinking they are into relationship. But they are actually doing mentorship. So you cannot mentor someone. So you have to let this person grow. And I have a problem with most of the people who date below the age of 25 years. Why? Because at the age of 25 years, everyone is trying to experiment this and this and this. Like, if you find them in charge, they are like, you know, if you find them at work, they are so much enthusiastic. But at the age of 26 and above this person exactly, they are now narrowed down. Their brain is now focused on, like, I want to go on this direction. But below this age, they are trying to experiment. All right. So, below 25, cool her up. Like, find something, do something important to her. Leave your life. Leave your life. Better life. All right. And then after 25, you can start dating. Okay, but for ladies, I hear there's a clock. There's something called a biological clock. And you can't force somebody to wait for 26. And they're probably, you know, they want, by 30, 9 years old. And she's back to her figure the way it was. People have different plans. So what do you have to say about that? Like, for me, that is when I've said love is never a feeling. It's a commitment. So you need to develop your brain to an extent that I've known what I'm signing up for. Because if someone today, you tell like, I always ask, you know, ladies do not have an option because they can never chase a man. It's as a man, as a man that do their hunting. But the ladies of nowadays, my friend. I know. But you see, you have to know really what are you signing up for. Like, ask this person, why do you love me? If this person cannot confidently answer the real answer to you that they love you for this reason. Be sure they will hate you and they will heartbreak you for no reason. A time is coming. Yeah, a time is coming. That is a time bomb. So this person you need to be realistic. It's not when you go out for those dates. It's not for you to eat chips and do all those kind of things. Apply lipsticks after every five minutes. It's about studying. Studying this person, try to like ask them intelligent questions. Like, what is your plan? In the next five months. If you do not feature anywhere in this plan, be sure that one is... You don't have to ask in the next ten years. Just ask in the next three months. Three months. Then you'll be able to know. That is when you can be able to know if you are going to be accommodated or just... You are there to fulfill their plans. Alright, alright. So I'm told people experience emotions differently. People in the corporate world have a certain way. They are conforming to... In the artistic world, people express themselves differently. And even the conversations are different when it comes to matters relating to men and women. Do you think we can have one rulebook to tell us when to date and when not to date and how to do this? Because people are very complex and we are like seven billion of us. Exactly. So before even I answer you, you have to understand what's your love language. And for you to understand your love language, it takes you to have a relationship with yourself. Like, because in a relationship, if you take care of my love language for instance, if my love language is gifts, ensure that when you want to commit to another person ensure you communicate the language of gift. And be able to, like once you communicate the language of gift, do not have expectation in return. Alright, this is your way of expressing love. Express love. Try to figure out how this other person expressed their love. And measure. And measure. How much you are getting of it. Yeah, because, you know, for instance, let in the corporate world, people will take her as too serious, she cannot. But these people out here, they can be in that career, in that field. But the only thing they want, they want a guy who will make the girl in them come out. And for us men we want a lady who will make the boy in us. Because in every man there is too personality. There is a boy who wants to play and there is a king who wants to rule. So it depends who you approach in the man. You will get the response based on what you approach in a man. Even the ladies. Because if you give a lady love, because ladies naturally they are multipliers. You give her anything, she will multiply it back to you. You give her a sperm, she will multiply and give you a kid. You give her trouble. She will multiply and give you more trouble. So if you find your lady in a relationship, she is the one, like she's giving you something different. You have to consider what are you giving her. What are you giving her? So it's very important to find your love language first. Be very content with yourself and with yourself. Then and only then you are ready to date. Okay, so alright. Understand that when you rush into dating without understanding yourself and appreciating the person in the mirror, it's easier for you to crush. Alright, so people are crashing in relationships as we speak. Exactly. And it's hard to leave because of commitment. When it gets to this point where you're crashing but you took an oath to stay with this person or whatever you did, is it right to touch yourself till death? No, it's only a fool who does not change their mind. Okay, only fools don't change their minds. The mind is very dynamic. It's only in love that people become... Sometimes for lack of a better word, people become stupid for lack of a better word because that's the moment they are not even easy to think. You can easily commit to some things that you're not able even to adhere to them. But once you sit back and whatever has happened has happened, learn to forgive the person in the mirror. And the person in the mirror is you yourself. Forgive yourself and life has to move on. When I say ambulance in Afanyani, in Aliyah Lakinni, in Asongambeles, so if you are heartbroken, do not let the end of life. Okay, okay, so brave on. Keep moving. Yeah, we have good people out there. There's always somebody out there. There's always somebody out there for you. So it's all beginning, that particular moment, accept yourself, forgive yourself, and do not just use a blanket statement on everyone. So even it is a moment for you to check how the foundation of your dating is. And once you start dating on the right foundation, actually you'll attract the right people. Alright, for more information, you can find it in this book right here. Before you think of dating, do we have soft copies online? Yeah, we do. We have them online. I just talked to them straight, how they can get the physical copies and how they can get the soft copies. Thank you so much. You can reach us via my social media handles, Alan Lawrence on Facebook, on Instagram, that is Alan underscore 320. Then we will be able to direct you on Amazon. You can be able to reach us out, Alan Lawrence. And we can deliver the copies onto you. Alright, thank you very much, Mr. Alan. Thank you so much, sir. I'm really interested in the reading culture in our country, especially with the youth. I see our parents at least try because they read newspapers every day. But how is the reading culture in this country, especially for the young people, considering you're published a book so you can be a good gauge? Yeah, for me, the reading culture in Kenya is so nice. I've written an article somewhere and I said the reading culture is so nice. Why? Because everything rises and falls on leadership. So the kind of leadership, it is us to take that role and enlighten people. Because once you enlighten people, the importance of them reading, because the moment someone reads, you open your world. You open the way somebody reads, there is a way you have your reasoning capacity, your content pedagogy is on point. Your content, I know. Content pedagogy. So you get to that level whereby you instill the need in them that once you read, you become a better version of yourself because you suffer for your ignorance. Oh, right. You're always going to suffer for your ignorance. It's very important to read. And how do you build a reading culture as a person who has not read for the last six or four years after Form 4 listening to my channel now? How do you cultivate a reading culture in such a person? Where do you start? For me, what has really worked out is the moment you are tired, the moment you are tired, you are about to retire to bed. Just develop a culture of taking maximum 15 minutes. Read slowly, slowly, slowly. Within 21 days, you've developed a culture of reading and you need to have accountability, friends. And also you need to have mentors. In this generation we are living in, people are tormented because of lack of mentors. So the moment you have mentors, people will be able to tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear. So once you have those people who put you on top. I think we have the punchline. You need people who are going to tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear. Mentorship is very important. I was talking to a mentor right before. I think you met him in Pale Vopa Reception, Mr. Khayyamba Head of the Department of Media in ZTECH. He was telling me that mentorship is very important and part and parcel of growth when it comes to any field. Exactly. But you know the problem these days, why even potential mentors are running? I've said this over and over. The generation we are living in, people are looking for endorsements and associations, not mentorship. Not mentorship. Mentorship. So a picture is enough. Exactly. So I get posted on Instagram. I was hanging out with Ngugi and Diogo Reina. So people are just looking for endorsements, they are looking for people like today, today if I'm a mentor of someone, I tell them that you know what, I need you to do this and this. All my mentors, I give them deadlines and I also have people who, because you can never be a person in leadership if you are not under leadership. So you need to have those people who will be able to challenge you. And let me talk to people who you look to some people like your mentors. It will be a failure on you as a mentor. If you are only going to achieve the results your mentors achieved. You have to surpass. And how can you surpass? Go and research. Who mentors this mentor of yours? So start doing things. But going back. Going back. As also you move forward, do things going back. Yes. Do what Drake did to Lil Wayne. Exactly. All right. He's almost going to Jay-Z right there. All right. I have a lot of hip-hop fans. I understand that language. But thank you very much for coming through. Thank you so much for having me. You have really opened up a world that I never imagined existed. Thank you. And we really appreciate you for that. Just remind them your social media handles right there and how they can get a hold of the book again and then we can wrap up. You can get me on social media at Alan Lawrence that is on Facebook and on Instagram Alan underscore 320. Then we can be able to interact and get a number of my books. Till next time I've been yours truly Alan Lawrence. All right. Thank you very much, Mr. Alan Lawrence. And we have come to the end of this. I hope you got some insight today. I hope you learned something in the morning because Mondays are for mentorship and Mondays are for gentlemen as well. Thank you. As the queens wear it for Wednesday. Thank you very much for being part of this show right there as a viewer or as a member of the production team. We appreciate you. My name is by Moses or it's by more social media. Until next time.