 to women crash when it's the right on why in the morning at why two five four channel is where you can find us across all our social media handles at Michelle as she rise where you can find me across all my social in this particular session we dive into an interview that looks at all matters pertaining life coaching it's an all-round scenario of coaching from relationship to youth mentorship and so make sure stay tuned because this is a conversation you don't wanna miss out they say that a good coach can change a game right the great coach can change your life so in studio I'm joined by Grace Destiny she's a life coach dating coach relationship expert youth mentor family therapist and corporate trainer grace welcome to a studio your list is endless of your profession where you fly out alright so how you doing this morning oh I'm you're very beautiful you are actually coming out the colors oh yeah thank you so for someone who is joining us and they don't they don't know who Grace is apart from the life coaching and everything where did you actually you know get into the journey of being a life coach what interested you into coaching one thing I know is that our journey of purpose does not begin somewhere where does it begin it begins before we were born okay you come as an answer to a question so the question must be there for the answer to be created so what I believe is that if I try to trace from the training point I'll be limiting myself because I think since I was a very young person I've always desired to see people do well I've always desired to see problems solved in people's lives even as young as standard three that is nine years eight years old but when I grew up the first instinct that struck me into this when I went to campus it was as I said I've had it all along but when I went to campus I was invited to do a course that I didn't like I actually didn't even know what was it all about I'm a social scientist that's my foundation so when I went I had this anthropology this sociology that is not what I had had as I was growing up I need this low this medicine this engineering and that was it so when I went there I never wanted to attend class so I started in the faculty transfer moving from one block to another looking for the inter-faculty transfer then boom it was time for cuts and I had to sit for a cut in a particular course so I had to go back to what I was invited to do in campus I was in my university and when I went it has started attending classes and reading notes and I was like this is something I like it's about the society only that nobody had told me who I was and what I was invited to do but by a good coincidence I'm a society person I'm a people person so I started loving the cause and I wondered who else is lost like I was some people are lost in a good way let me say this just to find themselves like you can do very well in medicine sorry in languages sciences and you invited to do medicine and the whole village we live and throw a party because our daughter our son is going to be a doctor but are you really a doctor in the inside do you enjoy treating patients do you even love yourself when you're sick can you handle sickness from another person which I haven't went anywhere so I realized that people are lost in life we chase the wrong things and that is where I realized we need life trainers life skills have no teacher life is a school that has no teacher we do guesswork and by the time you get it right you are 60 how much can you do after you've gotten it right this is this is what created the interest of life coaching in me and here I am it's a passion all right so for someone who's watching us and they don't know who is the life coach yep someone who helps you to go through life it's like a guide you see when you go to a country or a place where you're not familiar with you require a tour guide a life coach is simply someone who helps you navigate through life easily and smoothly trying to introduce tomorrow today so that by the time you're facing tomorrow you're equipped for it people confuse counselors and life coaches what is the difference the difference is this a counselor is someone who comes in when the problem arises and they help you solve the problem a life coach is someone who goes ahead of you and creates awareness of the problem so you will not you will not enter into the problem okay and so I feel like a life coach is more important but let's look at is it then that brings the aspect of it's a necessity to have a life coach in your life it's a necessity so that you can avoid the time we seek need the basic need unfortunately not many people really know that we go to school for every other thing we train for what to do for the rest of our lives but how to live that life we don't even know that's why we have people who are great professionals academic giants but they can't handle themselves leave alone relationships leave alone families you just can't handle themselves life coaching is a need like food shelter all right has there been a situation about you have had a client and you guys you know took up the session and we'll get into that a little bit later on as there been a situation about and there was no change in their life and they felt like actually life coaching is it for me I don't have such kind of a person maybe maybe there was no change but they never told me it's one thing to know it's one thing to be a problem and you don't know like if you attended sessions and you realize you're not changing then you withdraw and you'll not tell me how will I know that you change or you didn't cause change is gradual I can start sessions with you today and tomorrow I expect change that will be plastic I will be PR trying to please me but change is something that comes gradually and you confess about it so if someone has not confessed not changing I tend to believe change occurred that is why maybe they terminated the session but actually what I can say without humility success has been there okay big time that's why I'm still consistent persistent and holding on to this because I believe I can do it and I do it let's look at for someone who is wondering like why would I need a coach because my life is going on as I had planned it though it has not been like swiftly but you know that's all good why would I need a coach who needs a coach by the way everybody needs a coach in one way or another if your business person need a business coach when it comes to real life issues for example we have two major decisions to make in life and this is majorly where you need coaching and that is why I normally dwell in mostly the two major decisions that you make in life is what to do for the rest of your life majorly people think like as long as it's giving me money it's worth my life it's worth my time but I'm of a different opinion money is the lowest level of achievement you can have in life that doesn't work very well with my African sisters and brothers because poverty is the greatest worry of every person starting from parents to children going to school the teachers everyone tells tries to sell you go to school study well get a job and fight poverty so we keep fighting one problem but we keep ignoring the others fulfillment is the number one achievement in life so what to do for the rest of your life has nothing to do with how much money you're going to get you realize that kids will be told go and do this course it's very marketable that fine is the child equipped for it is the wiring in that person exactly what they need to go and do that job or are you training them something against the grid against the grid something that you're supposed to go this way but they are going back one number two the second question or rather the second decision is who to live with for the rest of your life your partner your partner who really teaches men to be husbands and women to be wives my sister JV has talked so powerfully I was listening and watching and I have loved what she has seen we have so many excuses that are based on men are women are who made them that who makes you conclude that men are and then women and that women are money-minded Kikuyu women are money-minded it's a mentality but it has been fueled from somewhere exactly and what I usually say is that culture is a mantle forwarded from one generation to another and unless people intentionally break the culture things will never be and actually intentionally be aware that the culture look analyze the culture distinguish the good and the bad then discard the bad and hold on the good the only problem we have is that when it's culture you either take the whole of it or you leave it and because you have to live within that society you take the whole culture whether you like it or not it affects us we know the right thing but we can't like for example today is a GBV we that's what we are moving on with look at girls the girl child everybody feels like the girl must answer to some rules and the man must make the rules for some point if you really don't get mentorship and coaching to make you like to define you very well so that you can understand the thin line between humiliation and submission as a woman today's WCW so we can mention women as many times as possible you will be sat on lie down stepped on and everything because you don't know yourself you don't know yourself you don't know yes if you came here you didn't know your name is Michelle they came and called anything you answer I call you Patrick you will say yes that's how we are with our lives okay I would like to find out because back in campus and everyone social young people who have access to internet that these YouTube videos that are usually thrive on just speaking about life in general pushing you to for hard work and then there's always the background music which is always about I know a lot of heat exactly the enthusiasm you are to hype space then after you watch a couple of videos then you go back to your life the reality we took a ground you're watching this motivation of videos but now to execute it's totally different how effective are these videos that we watch and what is the what is the problem that we get all enthusiastic and you know thrill motivated you leave that place feeling like you're the king of the world exactly and when you go back reflecting to the reality of life things are so quite different the problem is motivation is good inspiration is good but empowerment is more powerful empowerment is more individual level than motivation you sit in a place five hundred of you you someone comes and tells you you are the number one now you wonder yes I wanted to look at it this is this way someone comes and talks to us in a motivational hall and says you are the number one from the day one that's what we tell people we tell people yeah above and not beneath that is for the Christians when it comes to biology you realize that your father released something that was three millions in count and you of course one that's why you are the one who fertilized your mother's egg yes so you are number one from day one now we are seated at a hall in a hall 500 of us someone comes and tells us you are number one so who is number one among the five hundred everybody feels I'm number one five hundred people then we walk out of that place and we go competing for equal opportunities so who is now number one that's what we're talking about number one is that person who after leaving the hall with a lot of motivation went and looked for the real deals how do I get this number one am I prepared enough because actually success is when opportunity meets preparation the only problem is that we are told we are buffed up in the head you are number one nothing can shake you nothing can you are this woman you are the hey so what makes you exactly that that is our that has been spoken how prepared are you for this and that is where the rubber meets the road because you have to do something and something must happen in your life that is where coaching comes in someone must face you and tell you you are very intimidating young woman you're beautiful but you don't know so rise up and become then that person will help you on how to rise up how to become maybe you took it as an insult at the first time definitely but you see when you have purposely come to a coach you are coming to say here I am mold me so when I come and tell you I don't like the way you walk you walk looking so intimidated someone will look at you and tell you I don't like the kind of makeup you do we are all in makeup but there's makeup and there's makeup usually say that there's makeup for enhancing your beauty and there's makeup for trying to change yourself completely because when you are not made up you feel like you're not even existing so how can I give you the confidence to love your skin as it is how can I give you confidence to love your eyes your teeth and everything whereby you don't get defined really by the outward looks but some capacity is built inside the inside of you so that you can be able to say regardless of how my outward looks like I am a potential person from the inside that is where everything goes wrong nobody is there willing to help a child a boy child or a girl child to become look at our men we have very potential men nobody told them they are powerful and the only thing they were introduced to was what is between their legs and they think that is what is defining them so when they get a few coins because I call them they think they can sleep around with every woman because that is the only that defines them men your definition is bigger it goes back to how you're being brought up and what you saw from other men as they were raising you alright so let's pick going back to your session so how long does coaching life coaching session take and what determines the time frame what determines the time frame is where you're getting that person from there are people who are already somewhere so you just need to cope to do I have to remove a few cobwebs and then you you're good to go that can do a month a perfect taking someone from different from the lowest point can go for even one and a half years depending on how many sessions you're having per month or per week or like that but what matters is even the ability to grasp the information I usually say doing and undoing is inevitable because I'll meet you today there the environmental voices are talking to you in every minute of your life you come to my office we talk we chat I make you feel important I remind you of who you are and you live that place even bouncing so important but then you go home and meet the same people who have crushed your spirit okay they tell you other things so what I've done will be undone okay before we continue along with us this question yeah you see you spoke about you speak to this your client that is you give up you know just cast them up give them the fact that tell them how good they are in terms of after listening to their story and everything is there a work to be done because at the end of the day just for that to be changed there has to be work that has to be done with your client and tell them that you have to have to do ABC and there definitely my first and indicator of where we are going with a person is how much they know about those two questions that I said and you will never answer those two questions or you don't rather not be able to make such decisions unless you know who you are so every person that comes to grace destiny and those who are watching and they have been with me they know that I try to find out who do you think you are not who people have told you to that you are who do you really think you are because who you think you are is who you become and the beginning point is who are you the first thing I ask you is who are you and people will tell me I'm Michelle but that's your name who are you and most people 90% of them that have come to me are blank in that question they can't explain themselves for five minutes they can't describe themselves for five minutes some of them are 20s and above for 20 years you cannot describe yourself for five minutes women you'll find a woman who will come to me and tell me I am mama so-and-so or missy so-and-so and I'm like wow so you're only defined by marriage and childbearing so who you are who are you but the personal yes it starts with who you believe you are that is the first thing that we try to change before you even work out for something beneficial to your life you must have first of all have a definition that identity is what propels you when someone calls you a doctor you rise to the occasion and treat the sick when someone calls you a lawyer you walk to the courtroom and defend someone that's what you do yeah so your definition will determine your move and your actions so we cannot go to actions first before we define who we are and the picture you have about yourself will determine so much someone will come here and tell you you're so beautiful if you don't believe it you'll never feel it the voice from the inside is always louder than the voice from the outside so we try to first of all change the voice that is in the inside of you and that is the capacity we build we build the capacity of believing in yourself and what happens well especially people come and then maybe they're brought by their parents or their relatives and they come because they have really lost it in life some of them even neglect themselves health wise well-being they're not tidy they are just there unkempt and you realize then what that person you I'll never tell them to take a shower no I'll talk to them from that point because it's not just from there it starts from the inside and I love it when every change comes from the inside so I don't tell you to take a shower but when we meet for three four times then you come see like wow and see the change yes how does one know that a particular coach is suited for me because you have numerous coaches we have numerous coaches so how can we find out if they're credible because we are of course there is fraudness out here so how can we know that this particular coach is credible then that it the person is suitable for me we have several ways that you can get a coach we have online advertisements we have media like here we have referrals normally I believe so much in referrals because if I go to a coach and I get the benefit I'm looking for referring someone is like inevitable because I'll be glad to say someone helped me and I would like that person to help you we have so many coaches normally what I usually advice people I don't tell people that I'm the only one you should come to I even do a lot of referrals depending on where I am based feel like geographically one way of knowing a real person that person first of all is not interested in the money you're paying I'll explain my criteria of work it's not like I don't get paid I get paid because that is what I do for a living but when it's a passion we have two types of people in every sector of life even here they are there are whatever new castles we have presenters directors we have directors we have teachers we have lawyers doctors everything we have two sets of people the professionals purely professional and the passionate professionals okay purely professionals and passionate professionals a purely professional person doesn't care about anything else apart from the pay the pain of a doctor who will switch off his phone at 8 p.m. hello it's my family time and he doesn't care whether it was an accident or someone is dying a passionate professional will have all their lines open sometimes they even work it doesn't work very well with their families because they are too given into what they do until they neglect other areas of their lives when you look at a coach when you're looking for a coach look at the interest that person is is that person interested in your change do they really believe that you can change or they just believe that you can pay that is the first indicator whether you're going to benefit or not when someone is passionate about what they do they will do it until they see change in your life and that is what I always tell people look for a person not even not on even for a barbershop then for a hair designer look for a person who is passionate about whatever they are doing two things you will get you'll get a lot of comfort because they will do it at ease they won't harass you around number two you will get there the excellence of the work that is being done so as you look for a coach go for pass a person who is very passionate about what they do and they have your interest and then they have interest at heart so that you can walk to them and tell them I'm not be able to pay you at this month will you wait until next month they will not tell you go and come after no they can even do several sessions for free after all if you never walked into that office they would still have eaten and paid their bills whatever coach are you as far as for the two I'm a passionate coach let me tell you why okay the other day I was explaining to my my mentor my coach I have a coach also and I'm sure an onion and I was telling them the reason why sometimes I look like I'm not very serious with payments I'm not saying that you don't be you will pay when you come to me but I usually say this is a phone right and this handset is not a luxury everybody needs it and not my mind the village you have been left by the children to rot there needs a phone to call and just find out how the his children are if I tag the price of this phone services at 10,000 shillings whoever is below 10,000 will not access these services and whoever is a billionaire will not be more okay because the price is 10,000 very open it leave it open the very person who can't afford even a glass of water will come use this phone make a call finish and give me back the phone and tell me God bless you thank you so much I appreciate that is the payment I will look like I'm stupid but wait until the most the richest person the most the greatest billionaire comes and uses the same phone because there's no price tag they will pay as per their ability when I count the profit the old mama has been paid for because I never tagged my services my services have a price tag because Kenyans will never pay you until you give them the price what is your price tag my friend it goes across board from zero to millions I look at you like this it all and I know what you can afford see you're saving your class you're saving up your class but they those who have come to me they will tell you when you come to me for services I'll ask you even ask you to give me an offer like I look at you and I'm like if I give my offer it will be too small so let me give me an offer and mostly I don't go wrong you give me more than I could have asked it's easy to wisdom that comes with the passion unless you're passionate let me say this clearly if you're not passionate about something you can never be creative in the same area okay you will be limited and everybody will feel like you're getting stale in whatever you're doing right now you never gave me a question anything that we are going to discuss I have not liked something to say we sit here up to midnight I will talk talk it's a passion okay Grace allow me to take you back to the two different types of coach that we have the passionate and the professional when it comes to the passion I mean she subscribed to do you feel like you don't feel like there should be a boundary between your clients and you and because the kind of information they give you the whatever they're going through it doesn't affect your personal life in any way I will say this and this is also a question that I've answered elsewhere I've had people say that I can't handle three people a day because I get out of that place toxic I say this as great destiny this is very different for me I know about other people but as for me you come into my office normally people give 45 to one hour five minutes to one hour that is for counseling and the normal therapy but five minutes to one hour I give one and a half hours to two hours you know why I don't want you to leave me hanging I don't want you to leave you hanging like we talk for one hour I've come to realize for you to open up and literally vomit everything you need to you'll need an hour I'll need to respond so most people they come and release everything the first session and you don't respond so you remain with the garbage that's why they get affected but if you will get another time for me to respond I usually feel like we are heating we are boiling together we boil together to some extent then we start landing together by the time you're leaving my office we are both free so I'm I've gotten in your garbage and gotten it out so by the time you're going leaving my office you leave me the way you found me someone else can't see him it doesn't affect my life you know why I've learned to separate you and me I've also learned to help you separate you and the situation so you come loaded with your situation I help you upload the situation you leave the situation and you leave so you go lighter if you go lighter you don't leave me with the situation the situation goes to the garbage Pete I remain grace you go Michelle that is how I do it and it works and it is possible I don't know whether it's you see also I'll tell you this a presenter is not just a presenter everybody have their flavor right who you are if someone else comes sit there and does exactly what you're doing they'll do it very differently everybody has their flavor maybe that's my flavor because we are very different especially if you're original with it if it's a passion it's inbuilt in you you have a flavor that is so unique that nobody else can subscribe to all right let's speak about the confid confidenciality for your clients yep how sure are they that the information that we're going to give at the session it's going to stay there the session when you're created for something you're equipped for it all right the wiring the wiring determines if you go to a counselor who will open up about what you said check that person out a natural coach and a counselor who is wired towards this I will never feel I'll feel like you know the way you eat something beta and then you barb you burge that is how I feel with information if you bring your teenage sister or brother to me you're the one who have actually paid me for the train for the coaching and therapy and you want information from me I'll minutes the contract because if they never opened up to you where do you want me to open up to you on their behalf so there's a contract to decide yes definitely if you're coming for six months we need to do a contract give me some upfront pay the rest after but what I'm talking about is the confidentiality it is an odd that should be very personal it's not something that you read on a paper as I say the wiring is the same you must be confident like myself I can talk about myself today if you ask me about my life I will open it like this some of my problems and mistakes I'm the one who have told people like they wouldn't have known but I don't care because they don't define me when it comes to your issues I will not talk it just can't come out of me because I'm wired for that I have a container to contain that information so when a client comes during the first day what are the major two questions that you ask the first one is who are you and the other one they tell me no no no no no no no no where are you going those are two important questions who are you where are you going and the where are you going must start from where you're coming from because you'll never know where you're going unless you know where you're coming from we just found out two three two tips that you and you see this is general whether you're coming for marriage relationships career guidance all that those are the major issues you know who you are where you're going and where you're coming from will definitely affect where you're going and you should what about the issue of just handling you know your past before you I knew that was the next question I am of a different opinion you can't just forget your past you may find something similar cutting up with you in the future because if your past is something some mistake you made foolishly if you don't tackle that you'll do the same mistake foolishly ahead of you so sit with your past negotiate with your past bid your past goodbye if I see it in hand then you must settle issues with your past then leave if you live without settling issues it will catch up with you because what you did you can do again whatever let me say something most of the things that affect our lives are personal many times we blame the world we blame the devil we blame other people but most things that affect us are things that come from within us if I come and tell you you're useless and you sit there because you have been told you're useless start stop doing anything and start living a useless life I'm not a problem you believed it I said it you chose to take it if you chose not to take it you'd have proved me wrong so isn't my problem or your problem my problem I can people find you on social media reach out to you if they need to talk to you further about life coaching for the Facebook Instagram grace destiny life skills then YouTube I have a YouTube channel there are so many things you'll find on my YouTube grace destiny life skills those are my my usernames on social media I have an email for those who would like to know to write an email very private and that's where we used to hide everything before social media came and in boxing grace destiny dot gd 79 at gmail dot com grace destiny dot gd 79 at gmail dot com and I have a number I don't have two numbers so people always ask me keep it at a pattern doing zero seven two four five thirty seven five thirty seven thirty call me if I don't pick your call text I don't miss texts I'll answer I believe it's after one week depending on how many they are I'll surely answer your message this destiny destiny life skills and then I have a page destiny life skills grace destiny just just you know those names just play around the names and then zero seven two four they started calling zero seven two four five thirty seven five thirty zero seven four two for me if I don't pick like this once I'm not going to pick right a message all right thank you very much grace destiny for creating time to be an amazing conversation and it's true we need a life coach in our lives very true all right so guys back at home that is grace destiny she's a life coach make sure you reach out to her I'm a same which is an isomagina grace destiny across all our social media handles and you'll get her so make sure you stay tuned we have much more right here on why in the morning you don't want to miss out so don't ask that out