 Hey guys, it's Joe. Welcome back. You can see some of my cute little puppies sitting over there I actually have three of them, but those are two of my German shepherds So I'm sitting here trying to nurse my grain. It's almost gone But still hanging on because I have been super overwhelmed after making this decision to amputate my right lower leg in Now eight days, but there's something that I've been thinking about We so often when it comes to like tragedies or events or whatever We like to theorize how we are going to respond to something right like we think If my house ever burnt down, this is what I would do or if I was ever Attacked in a dark alleyway, you know, I would do this or if I was in a school shooting Here's what I would do to respond or to stop it And we always have these ideas of like what we would do how we would respond what our emotional reactions would be Before we're in those situations and I have been in Very traumatic situations that have actually left me with PTSD in the past And I've realized that trying to predict how we're going to react to something is Pretty damn useless Because you don't know until you get there. We like to think we can control things We like to think we know ourselves a little bit better than we do, but how you respond to something You don't really know until you get there. And so I have been spending time you know watching a lot of videos and Trying to figure out how I'm gonna respond to this and what I'm gonna do if I have really bad phantom pain and how I'm gonna feel about that and what if I freak out or like no, I don't think I'll freak out when I wake up from surgery I think I'll be fine and blah blah blah and like trying to figure out my reaction and plan it out and realizing that I literally can't do that because There is no way to predict how I am going to feel There's literally no way to do that because as humans we don't know how we're gonna feel until we actually get there This is gonna be a major major life change. I think it is for the best. I am excited, but I'm also really Terrified. I'm really scared also And so I'm gonna spend a little less time trying to estimate my response and figure out Who I'm gonna be and how I'm gonna respond to it and because there's so many factors that play into that A little more time trying to functionally prepare Like get my house ready like talk to my family and friends and tell them what I think Could be the case like hey, I'm gonna have bad days Here's some things I might need or Just in general, like, you know, it's gonna be harder to make food It's gonna be harder to run errands. Can I ask for your help stuff like that? That people have recommended in like online forums and videos and stuff like that And then also focusing on self-care and just taking time to like calm down Be quiet do what I need to do to take care of myself and my mental health And actually take some time off work I was gonna try to work like right up until the day of surgery and just like Get in there and get it done and I'm realizing now that that is just not gonna work because Even now I am like overwhelmed and having a hard time So I'm gonna respect that I'm going to listen to what my body's telling me By giving me horrible migraines and putting me in bed for hours and um Just try to take it easy before a major life change And go from there So hope you guys are doing well if this is a change that you're considering or you've gone through Let me know what you're thinking. Let me know what you're feeling I would love to hear from you. Thanks guys. I'll talk to you soon