For the record, this IS satire. We wanted to put our many years of CCD classes to good use.
Holy Water ft. JChrist
Hey Andrea, can we go to church?
I'm gonna eat a host
Only got two palms in my pocket
I-I-I'm prayin', looking for some Jesus
This is super holy!
Walk into the church like "whattup I got a big crucifix!"
I'm so pumped about some blessings from a high priest
Wine in the cup, it's so damn sacred,
The disciples like "Amen, that's a long-ass rosary!"
Rolling in the parking lot
Walk in with my family
Dressed in all white except my pocket Bible, that is gold
Draped in an altar robe
Priest standing next to me
Probably should've washed this,
Smells like Pope JP2's shoes
But shit, it's required for the mass!
Draping it, button it
Bout to go and do some kneeling
Walking down past the parishioners
Singing up on that first hymn
Combed hair and shined shoes, praying it,
I am bowing and kneeling and saving the orphans
And I'm holy happy,
That's an Amen, Mom!
I'ma take your alms up
I'ma take your alms up
No for real, ask your family,
Can we have your charity?
Gospel reading and a homily
Acts of the Apostles and a letter from Saint John
He recites the pretty psalm,
We repeat the pretty psalm
I brought out the bells, then I rang them real loud
Hello, hello, my Savior, my Most High
Judas ain't got nothing on my prayer game, hell no
I could take some water, make it holy, bless it
The cardinal would be like "Ah, time for y'all to sit"
What you know about turning that black to white smoke?
What you know about picking a brand new pope?
I'm praying, I'm praying,
I'm asking Mary for some help,
One man's priest,
That's another man's Holy See
Thank your grandma for converting that true Orthodox Jew
Cause right now, he's up there preaching
I'm at confession,
You can find me doing penance
I'm that, I'm that server
Serving on the altar
Your Grammy, your aunty, your momma, your mammie
From Ash Wednesday to Easter Sunday, I love Lent
And I'll rock those forty days-a
Fasting every Friday during all those forty days-a
I gave up chocolate for all of those forty days-a
They be like "Oh that piety, that's hella tight!"
I'm like "Yo, that's forty days full of God's love!"
Limited edition, let's do some simple addition
Forty days of God's love, don't compare to Mary's sac'fice
I call that getting saved and forgiven
I call that getting free from my sin
That love's hella dough
And having the same God as six other people in this church is a hella Amen
Preach game, come take a look through my testament
Trying to find saints in a crowd?
Then you hella won't
God you hella won't
We sing your granddad's hymns
We sound like some angels
I'm in this big-ass choir
From that chapel down the road