 When I was 12 years old, I got bit by the business bug and ever since then I can't stop. Things they don't tell you about being on top. It's lonely up here, except for me, cause I never get lonely. Another day, another dollar. 10 days, make it a hundred dollars. I take my vacation days at the office because being a CEO is like a day at the beach to me. They say I'm in the C suite because when you see me, you'll say sweet. I had to teach my accountant calculus because my derivatives have no limit. No man is an island, but an island is an investment and I'm a very big island. So what can a guy like you do? Well, right now your portfolio looks like a third-grader's nightmare. Buying a house, that's a tax write-off. Sell it to the bank and now they owe you interest. Hostile takeover, hostile takeover, hostile takeover. You split your mergers and your acquisitions, double the profit. Rinse and repeat boys, rinse and repeat. I got interns out there lining up to shine my shoes. They say most people only use 10% of their brains. Well, I'm a 100% business. I've got a blackberry that only forwards calls to my other blackberry. I'm not one of those rising grind guys because I never rise because I never sleep. You cheese me off? Don't cheese me off, bud. Bud, don't cheese me off. My lake house takes up more data than your whole computer. Don't cheese me off, bud. I've killed a thousand companies just like yours and I love them all. I'm a grand of a cheese and me off, buddy. I who wish me for like a Puerto Rican schoolgirl. Don't even look at stocks that are less than $1,000 a share. You cheese off my company and you'll be sucking dust in Nebraska in no time. What's my number one piece of advice? Break the rules every day and break the arm of anybody who breaks the rules. Never hesitate to invest in animals. Don't ask questions you can't afford. They say people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. Well, I say people who live in glass houses have insider trading information. My house is 100% glass. I mean, it's not insider information if you own both companies. There are only two emotions that matter, wrath and lust and greed. Business is more important than death. Anyway, please invest in my new race car app. Pretty cool.