 When I was younger, I didn't care. And I wouldn't care to ask, I wouldn't care about anything. What I would do is just do me a get mine and keep it moving. I feel like sometimes we get a complex about how we see porn and like guys are just like, like jackhammering and shit. And like, yeah, that's also cool. And guys like, I thought that I was like killing the pussy, but I was like actually killing the pussy. I wasn't, you know what I mean? Like it was not what I thought that I was doing. All right, so I hopped on a Zoom call with some really dope and open heterosexual men to talk about bridging the orgasm gap. We're going to jump back into that convo, but before I give you the meat and potatoes, let's start with dessert. This post is sponsored by Belessa. And remember that huge giveaway I did with Belessa earlier this year where thousands of you won vibrators and gift cards towards vibrators? Well, it's back for 72 hours only. I know we don't always get to orgasm during sex and that's why you deserve a guarantee. Click the link, put your email in and check your inbox to see what you want. Straight men, what's up? Good morning. Good morning. Good afternoon. All right, so we're gathered here today to talk about pleasure for people with vulvas. Can I share a stat with you? One masturbating 95% of women orgasm. In first time hookups with other women, women orgasm 64% of the time. In first time hookups with men, women orgasm 7% of the time. When you hear those stats, are you thinking yourself or are you thinking everyone but you? Be honest. I'm gonna be completely honest. If I were to be honest with you, like most of the women I've been with, they've definitely gotten theirs. You're part of the 7%. Yeah, I would like to think I am, yes. Personally, I don't, because I've been in the relationship where it was like I thought I was doing a good job because she was car-maxing and then we talked about it later and she was like, yeah, I actually wasn't, it wasn't my thing when we were doing it. And that shot the shit out of me. Before I found out about the A spot, it was hit or miss and I was probably way more on the side of the, I guess the majority or whatever. So at that point, I had no idea because at that point I thought that I was under the impression the strong women thing, independent women, I don't take no shit in order to, I figured that if you weren't enjoying it, that you were vocalizing. Now the guy that just spoke, he says his girl vocalized it. I've never had that vocalized. So if we look back to the stats, what we're seeing is that women do know how to bring their body to climax and they do that very successfully when masturbating, but they're having a very hard time bringing what they do solo into partnered play. How do we bridge that gap? You know, on my end, like the best experiences that I've heard about is when we communicated beforehand before we even had sex for the first time. So we talked about past experiences, things that weren't good or we talked about kinks or things that, you know, there's no surprises. What it seems to me is that one, men don't know the, how the anatomy of the vagina is set up to be able to stimulate it correctly. And the majority of us learn how to have sex and that doesn't actually stimulate the vagina correctly to bring orgasm. And the fact that men want theirs because, you know, if they don't know how to, they won't attempt to, or maybe the woman in vocal and she pretends that she's enjoying it because I've heard a lot about that too. Also, I feel like it's a lot about taking your time in like getting to like the actual sex. Like then you'll be able to relax a lot more. And I find that works a lot better for me. Do you think that there is a inherent, a part of the issue comes from the fact that we define sex via penetration. So in those terms, sex begins with an erect penis and ends with a flaccid penis. I think that men think, again, because of society, they think that sex is just penetration and that's all it is. But for sure, there's so much more to it. Yeah, I was gonna riff on what Ty and Justin are saying too. Yeah, being able to like sex starts like well before penetration, right? Like it's in all the other intimate things that we do with our partners. About a week ago, I put out an Instagram post and it asks, hey, for people with vulvas, how do you orgasm? If it's clitoral, just put a thumbs up. If it's penetration, put a key. If it's penetration plus clitoral, put both. And if it's something different, put a different emoji. So just as a random survey here, what do you think was the most popular response that I got back? Clitoral. Later. Yeah. Yeah, clitoral. Yeah, clitoral and penetration, the combo. That is the correct answer. Clitoral and penetration, the combo was by far the most popular response. That to be said, an easy way to do both clitoral stimulation as well as penetration at the same time would be a toy, like a vibrator. It would be a vibrator, right? Obviously, it's having another tool that they can be handling on the outside while you're handling on the inside. And so the cooperation of working together. It's important to note that when we say penetration, we're not necessarily always saying with a penis. Sometimes that can be with fingers. Honey, you talked about the A spot. Obviously, fingers is a really great tool to use for that. Sometimes that can be a toy. Sometimes it can be fingers and a toy. It can be a toy and a penis. What are people's general attitudes about toys in the bedroom? Honestly, man, I'm about the toys. Like, I wasn't always into them because I remember when I was with this first girl who I introduced toys, I got self-conscious and I was like, oh, maybe I'm not able to give her something that she wants. And that's why she has to compensate for a toy. But my mindset quickly started changing when we started having conversations more about it. And we look at the toys and enhancement or in addition to what we're already doing and so on. Kind of like, again, if we're having penetration, we can use the toy for clitoral stimulation. So ever since my mindset around why we're using the toy has changed, I think I've been more proactive towards it. Because before I was like, wait, I have a penis. Why do we need a dildo? You know what I mean? Why do we need another extra thing to fuck around with? I think also we think of toys, again, like dildos and little things like that. But what about like male toys and stuff? That's also something that I'm starting to explore with my partners and things like that. So it's not just about using toys for the woman. Sometimes, you know, if you feel comfortable as a man, there are definitely things out there that can enhance your experience outside of just, you know, the interaction between men and women. I feel like a lot of men, they take it a little too personal. Like they make it about them when the female's like, well, can we use this toy? And so it's like, it makes the female even more uncomfortable talking about it because they don't want to, like, put the pride of the man down because we're just so fragile. They think of it more as like, I know what I'm doing. I know my package. I know how it works. Unless of like, she's got her own package and you need to figure out how she works. I have a stuff box. So what's in it? It's toys for them. So some won't want to use it because they don't know who's been used on before. But at least it opened on my, with my experience, like, okay, well, I have mine and I use this. Okay, so bring it. So that's my break of the seal, break of the ice type of, I have my stuff box. Look, this is exactly what's in it. Strap's around the bed, everything else is in the box. You know what's wild is this is the first form I've actually had like an open conversation with a bunch of other men on it. And I think this should happen a lot more often because I definitely learned like many is like, yeah, I got a box. I'm like, he has a box. Box. I'm not fucking up, but I don't have a box. So like everybody's kind of thrown in some things that I definitely silently picked up and took a, took a quick note of. So I definitely appreciate this form. And that's a massive reason I brought all of you together because I want to let you know that Balessa, which is a bi women, four women company for all things sexuality. I'm talking about sex toys, porn, erotica, sex education is doing another huge giveaway. So everybody watching and everybody here, go to the link in my bio right now and click that bad boy, put in your email address and see what you won. Last time I did this, thousands of you were winners. So don't miss out this time. Don't miss out this time. And please do not allow your partner to miss out the next time. Hey, hey, hey. I forgot to send us that link with your suggestions. B-Y-O-T instead of B-Y-O-B from your own toys, right? B-Y-O-T, baby.