 I'll be with you once more, but it's the greatest threat to this little squad For what she has access to Hey Gems, welcome back to my channel I know it's been a long time since I posted a video and I've pretty much been MIA but before I get back into the swing of posting videos and sharing my current journey I wanted to pretty much record and upload an update video because the last video I posted I was in Ghana and now I'm not so I don't want any type of confusion or you know I just kind of want to connect the dots to pretty much share with you all why I am back in the virgin islands what's going on with me and what you can expect going forward where do I start as much as I like to share and be vulnerable and honest and authentic I am not going to share in detail what has been going on with me but I do want to share in general what happened just so that there is some type of honesty out there because I pretty much share what I'm going through I share what's happening with me at any given moment that's why my channel has been kind of like a roller coaster if you've been subscribed to my channel for a while you know that it started off as a hair channel then it turned into kind of like a mommy channel and children and just it's been all over the place but that's because it's life like nobody's life is the same all the time and I just pretty much like to be genuine with what I'm posting and what I'm sharing and not because I feel like here videos got a lot of likes I'm going to keep doing here videos if that's not my current situation if that's not my current life I'm not going to continue doing something that no longer serves me anyways that's a whole other top I am currently back in the virgin islands if you watched my last video that I posted I think that was sometime last year September or was it October maybe September I posted a video I was in Ghana I had moved to Ghana with my family my children my children's father and I and you know I had land there well I have land there you know I was everything I said in that video I had every intentions to do so if you haven't watched the video go and watch it just so that you can connect the dots but life happened I went through a lot of personal stuff I'm on the beach the sun is setting so you're going to see a change in lighting but ignore that so things just didn't work out although I had every intention to make things work in Ghana I had a whole plan a whole vision of what I wanted to create what I wanted to create and build in Ghana it did not work out the main reason why I was going through a lot of difficulties and hard times within my own personal relationship and I'm just not the type of person that can come on camera and just portray something that I'm not feeling so at the time I wasn't happy I was miserable I didn't realize how unhappy and miserable I was until I left the situation but it just wasn't working when I put when I recorded that video at the time I was happy I was motivated I was hopeful but it just didn't work out like the it's been a roller coaster of things being good and bad and then getting worse to the point where it just wasn't worth trying to save or worth staying in so yes I am back in St. Croix I'm back in St. Croix because I had to leave Ghana in a very unconventional way to say the least I left without my father's children knowing I left just because things got that bad and I don't want to seem like if I don't want to share what happened because I'm ashamed of what happened or because I'm trying to hide anything that has nothing to do with it I just am very cautious about what I put out there on social media because I have children and at the end of the day that is my children's father and they will be older one day and even though they're young right now my oldest he pretty much understands and know everything he's seen so much he's been through so much so I am very very cautious as to what I put out there when it I know it can affect my children and speaking about my children's father can affect my children so maybe on a different platform or a different time I can more go into details as to why our relationship went downhill and what actually happened and if you know me personally maybe you know that story but other than that I am not going to say much on here all I will say is that the relationship became extremely toxic abusive verbally and physically and I just had to leave I had to leave in a way that you see on lifetime movies like it's it's just it was it just got bad it just was no longer healthy for me or my children so I had to do what was best for me and my children and leave it actually took me a while to even bring myself to be able to sit in front of a camera and record anything as much as I enjoy sharing videos and as it pertains to pregnancy and motherhood and womb health and so forth like when I'm going through it I am not the type of person to sit in front of a camera I'm not the type of person to pull out a camera while I'm crying or while I'm really in a bad place not because I have anything to hide but just because I personally feel everything is not for social media everything is not to be recorded and now that I'm in a better space although I'm still dealing with the trauma from the relationship and healing I am in a space where I can come here and be myself without you know being fake about it without putting on a fake smile and all of that so I just took my time and waited till I got to that space before I started recording videos again and hopefully you all can respect that and still wrap it with me like I said a lot has happened and now that I'm kind of like on the other side of it I am getting the help I need which is like therapy, spiritual, healing and guidance from elders and it's just a new journey for me due to everything that happened I moved literally my whole life to Ghana sold everything on this side of the world whatever I still had I took with me to Ghana including my whole business those of you who don't know I do have a small business called gem stylistic and I had intentions to relaunch it in Ghana I kind of spoke about that in my last video those that is still happening by the way okay it just been a very long delay due to personal things that due to personal things that has been going on but I still have every intentions to bring my vision to life it's something I'm passionate about it's something that I've always wanted to do since becoming a mother and since finding my purpose and my passion so that is still happening however I am starting over from scratch and when I say I'm starting over from scratch I mean from scratch I mean financially, physically, materialistically just in every way you could think of I am starting over and it may sound bad but I've just come to the realization that starting over isn't always a bad thing sometimes you have to start over to create something beautiful to create new beginnings to create a better life happiness, peace, etc and that's the stage I'm in right now starting over in every way possible every all of my business supplies that I ship to Ghana it's still there and chances of me getting it is very slim so gem stylistic is still there it's still my baby it's still my business but I am starting over I'm actually in the process of trying to rebuy everything repurchase everything and build back up my supplies and ingredients so I can get back to doing what I love making products and adding my new my new section to it which is womb health and women's health so as it pertains to that stay tuned because things are already in the work and I am working hard to get that back up and running right now I'm just in the space where I'm just trying to reclaim myself rebuild myself and rewrite my story like if someone told me 10 years ago that this would be my life right now I would tell them their line like I would not believe them I never thought I would be a single mother of two and one on the way I never thought that you know I would be raising my children in a broken home I just everything that I wanted when deciding to start a family is just not my reality right now and I had to come to terms with it because staying in a toxic relation for the sake of children is toxic so the amount of time that I stayed knowing that things were bad did more damage than leaving so I had to just really come to the realization that listen for my health and my children health for my well-being and my children's well-being I have to just go I have to take that leap I have to let go of the I don't want to call it a fantasy but I have to let go of the dream I had of you know being a strong black family a united black family with the man woman and child like that is always what I wanted that's always what I believed in and stand for there's nothing stronger than the black family and I wanted to make it work I really did and I tried my very best to make it work because of that but but I've learned that I can only change me I can't make anyone else change I can't make anyone else see things for what it is and there's only so much verbal abuse you can take when trying to fix something you know there's only so much there's only so much blame and um negativity you can take like I it came to a point where I didn't even recognize myself like I stopped looking in the mirror because I just didn't know who I was anymore I literally was drained I was on E I I cannot even find the words to express and explain what I was going through and what I went through and how that affected me but I hope to be able to create a safe space for women where we can have those type of conversations and have those type of reasonings and support each other because without us there is no life you know and without us there is no family we are the foundation so going forward you can expect to see a lot of not only pregnancy videos but also you know videos discussing womb health and women empowerment and just things to uplift each other like I might still be all over the place with my videos because that's life like nothing is the same all the time but I can assure you that anything I do post it will have meaning to it it would be posted with intentions to help to inspire and to create some type of safe space and support for other black women because that is where my passion lies cool I'm on the beach the sun is setting and these sand flies which we call Mampi they started to bite I really just wanted to record this video and what better space to record it than my happy place the beach this is literally what has been helping me on a daily basis ever since I returned I've been coming to the beach at I try every day but at least three times a week I'm at the beach so um you might see a lot of my videos recorded on the beach I don't know we'll see so in case some of you don't know I I guess I pretty much already said it by saying I have one on the way but I am pregnant oof I am currently five months pregnant and um I'm not going to go into details about my pregnancy in this video because it's already a little longer than I want it to be but I'm going to record a video explaining how all of that happened and um just give you all like pregnancy update because I will be sharing a lot more of my pregnancy on this channel and um what I'm doing to make sure I'm having a healthy a remainder healthy pregnancy because to be honest it did not start out that way due to everything that was happening but I am healthy now the baby is great but I will be doing a separate video going into details about that so yeah that's about it for this video you know going forward just expect to see my authentic self because that's all I can give you all I I post what I'm passionate about I post what's happening currently in my life I I can't do anything but just be genuine so if you haven't already and you kind of like what you've heard so far hit that subscribe button and follow me on this new journey because this is definitely a new journey in every aspect and um I plan to probably start a Patreon where I can post more detailed videos um why Patreon because it won't be accessible to everybody and anybody and I want to be more vulnerable and honest in some of my videos where I can talk raw and detailed and unedited so I am thinking about starting a Patreon where I can share those type of videos and share more of an inside detail part of my life so yeah I'm really considering that especially with this pregnancy um which I'll get in more of that in the pregnancy video but I might even just record it right now so if you all see that video up and I'm wearing the same thing it's because I recorded both videos but anyways that is all for this video I'm already almost at 20 minutes and I did not want this video to be that long so if you haven't already like comment subscribe hit that notification bell so that you're notified every time I upload a video and follow me on my social media platforms follow my business page at Gemsalistic because that will be back very soon and as always I wish you all love light and prosperity and you all will see me in my next video peace