 Because I thought this was a good question. So bear with me, everyone, bum, bum, bum. Okay. So this question actually came in previously. So the question is, Jonathan, I've been told that men are supposed to lead the dating process, but that doesn't feel right to me. What do you say? Jonathan, I've been told that men are the leaders of the dating process. What do you say about that? Great question. So happy you asked that. So what's interesting is that I just had a client call me yesterday. Now, this is a client who went through my private coaching program. It's a six-week boot camp that I literally retrain your whole thinking on the way we date, mate, and relate. And literally, I will tell you, I get clients who call me up after they've gone through my boot camp and say, Jonathan, I met a great guy. Jonathan, I met a great guy. Jonathan, I met a great guy. And she went through the boot camp six months ago. And when she finished, I said to her, I had this intuition. She would meet a great guy. And it turns out she did, and what she called me yesterday to give me the 411 on what happened. And what was interesting was they met during where they lived is in Europe, and they were in lockdown some months ago. And so they met online, and most of their communication for about two months was online. I mean, basically text messaging and Zoom calls and emails and that sort of things, because they weren't able to meet in person. And when they were finally able to meet in person, they got together in a safe way, from what I understand. And they were able to have a date. And she told me they had a really great time. He was really into her. It felt very safe. It felt very comfortable because they had spent some time building up a little bit of familiarity with each other. So when they met, it felt very comfortable and safe for her. So what was interesting is after the date, he indicated he'd reach out to her, and one day went by, and two days went by, and three days went by, and he didn't reach out to her. And she thought that was kind of suspicious based on all the communication they had and everything. And what she was telling me was all her friends said, no, no, don't reach out to him. Don't reach out to him. Don't reach out to him. Men are supposed to chase. Men are supposed to lead. Men are supposed to do this. All the men are supposed to do things. Well, she actually reached out to him and invited him out for a drink. She sent him a text message, hey, hey, I just want to check in with you. I think this was the fourth or fifth day. And he said, hey, listen, I just wanted to, I had such a great time, I'd like to take you out for a drink. And he said, sure. And so when they got together for a drink, he said, you know, I kind of thought it was a little suspicious that you didn't reach out to me after we had this, what I thought was a good day. And he was very forthright. He said, he was, he said, first off, he apologized. He said, well, two things. He said, he said he wasn't 100% sure she was into him. He wasn't 100% sure she was into him, number one. And number two, he was going through some personal stuff. And so, but, and he was incredibly grateful she reached out to him. She was so grateful. She reached out to him. Not because he's this beta male. It's because he was a little preoccupied and he was a little uncertain if she was into him. By making that effort, kind of going back to what I talked about earlier, making mutual effort in the process, it turns out they had a great second date. The second date a few days later turned into a third date. The third date turned into a fourth date. And now three months later, she's calling me up to give me the 411 on everything. They're in a fantastic relationship. So going back to the original question, her advice from her girlfriends was no, no, no. Men are supposed to chase. Men are supposed to pursue. Men are supposed to lead. Folks, here at Midlife, it's a whole different ball game. You can't apply advice for 20 and 30-year-olds to 40, 50, and 60-year-olds. I think one of the things, and this is going to be me being a little arrogant for a moment, what I think makes me unique is a dating coach is I was married, gone through a divorce, lost all my money in the marketplace. I did drugs and alcohol. I was a train wreck. Then I did personal development work to begin to heal. I found my passion in life being a dating relationship coach. Why I share this is I understand alimony, child support, visitation rights, erectile dysfunction. Women are going through menopause. Elderly parents going through assisted living. And worse, going through the trauma of losing my child. Those again know there's kind of right there. So I've been through hell. And why I share this with you is most people in their 40s, 50s, and 60s go through hell in some way, shape, or form. We call this midlife crisis. And the sad thing is you can't apply advice. This whole masculine energy is supposed to do. And feminine energy just leans back. And you just sit back and let the man pursue. And he'll just gravitate towards you. And he's going to claim you. That doesn't work for the 40s, 50s, and 60 categories. We're riddled with flaws. We're riddled with woundedness. This is why I'm such a big proponent of doing the inner work before you do any dating. This is why I continually recommend the book, The Hoffman Process, which helps you heal childhood wounds and traumas, as well as adult traumas, because it causes our negative patterns and limiting beliefs. And what happens is why this is so hugely important in the dating conversation is because most men and women are good human beings. Most men and women are good human beings. They're just bad at the dating process. And the fact is, as I shared before, we come to the table with full lives. And this whole narrative that men are supposed to chase and they're supposed to claim you, yeah, that might sound good to sell you on a program someone's trying to sell you, but that's not how it works for the 40, 50-year-old catty. Yes, there are controlling men who will chase you. There's no doubt about it. There are beta men that want you to chase them. The high value guy is seeking a partnership. He's seeking that woman is going to say, hey, sweetheart, can I take you out for a drink? He's looking for that woman that says, hey, sweetheart, you were just on my mind. That's why I called you because I know you've been so indoctrinated that men are supposed to do 99% of the work. Men, as we age, they get tired, okay? We want you to make effort. The emotionally mature men, emotionally stunted men. Well, here's the challenge. If you don't know how to figure out how to vet for emotional maturity, then I highly recommend checking out the link below to scheduling a discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. My area of expertise is to help you vet for emotional maturity and teach you the right questions to ask. So coming back to this client, one of the things she said to me when we had our conversation yesterday was how grateful she was that I helped her form all the right questions based on her personality to really vet if this is the right guy for her. And you know the funny thing was when she was coaching with me, she was strung out on some previous guy. All she talked about was some guy that broke up with her six months earlier and all she could talk about was him. And she was so afraid to date by taking the courage and making the investment in herself and going through my program, she put herself out there, met what appears to be a great guy and their relationship is blooming. And you know what I know this because she finally knows the difference between a guy who's emotionally unhealthy and the guy who's ready to lean into a relationship. So coming back to the original question was here's the bottom line. Don't be afraid to make effort. In fact, I encourage you to make effort because at the, and by the way, for the men who are listening to this on the live chat, they're, I guarantee you, they're giving the thumbs up. The quality men who are following my work as well are saying to all of you, yes, ladies, we appreciate women who make effort because that's actually how we respect you even more and we appreciate you more and we're gonna lean in stronger to the relationship. Let me end on this one note. Never make more effort than he. It's a two lane street of effort. It's not doing more. By the way, giving more love doesn't get you more love, okay? Especially if you're with someone who can't give you love. Giving more love is not gonna get you more love. I'm talking about effort is mutual and that's highly sexy. And so if you really want a relationship that's co-created, that has a strong bond, I recommend making mutual effort. Thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it. All right.