 Who wants to get their business to the next level within two weeks? I mean, not with Scrum, with me and my aura. No tie. Oh, yeah, new work, right? Company fit, huh? All right. Agile, right? Can we do this one more time? Agile to look better. Agile, agile, manifesto. Yeah, I mean, scrub faster, find out faster, fix it faster. Rinse and repeat. Jaira, agile, Scrum, Jaira, doing agile. And being agile are two completely different things. You need an agile coach to understand this. Collaboration, Kanban, agile. Yeah, I lost my job because I was a horrible developer. And now I'm an agile coach at NASA. Microstatasing, microagiling, microworking. But in a large company, you probably won't even get approval to write a single line of code within the first two weeks. So then everyone spends a bunch of time in meetings to talk about how nothing happened and how work should be done. But nobody actually does anything. And that's where I come in to moderate that nonsense. I was the one who introduced agile to a company in the first place. No wonder everyone loves me. Oh, hey, Greg. Greg? That's Greg. Hey, his birthday is on day two of Spring 7. It's not a task, it's a story. I forced it down our throat. Yes, increases visibility, continuous integration or how they call it professionally. CI, discipline, product owner, scrum master, agile coach. All right, sprint retrospective and my favorite product. Where is the agile coach? Courage. Do you get that in focus? Focus, commitment, openness, whatever that means. And here we have the six key scrum principles. Refactoring, forecasting, planning, poker, poker, fast. Do you got the movement on tape? Time-boxing, time-unboxing, stakeholders, brain damage. My watch actually shows the second since the last sprint and the timer for the delivery date, plus minus one sprint. Command and control, divide and conquer. Voice of the customer, ridiculous voice of the customer. Respond to emerging requests. Is it emergent? Oh, we can do it later. No worries. All right, whatever. As I was saying, as I was in my tie, we're agile here, right? Yeah, a new worker. All right, adapt to emerging technologies. Is the beamer working? Oh, is this beamer? A crew tech-tap, gaslight, colleagues, investigate, new job, evangelize, scrum, leave job when debt causes problems. Evangelize, scrum at next job and start all over again. Folks who don't have anything valuable to add deserve meetings. Customer collaboration over contract negotiation. Just accept the price. It will make collaboration easier. The team optimizes itself, tunes the process, identifies problems and waits for them to go away and calls an agile coach and reviews that in scrum retrospective. Responding to change over following a plan. Always change, never finish. We really reduce our meetings by introducing scrum meetings. Oh, because there's just no more time left. I mean, you have to obey the agile manifesto. Unless, of course, the agile coach has different ideas, right? So I have different ideas. So I'm doing my version of scrum, change all the time. We don't really get to do stuff because of so much change. Yeah, it's a lot of things going on here. They're just having a daily stand-up. No, they're missing me, but sometimes you got to do sacrifices for the team, collaboration. Let me just quickly get my business card. What does the agile coach do? Pretty much everything. We just keep things running. Make sure we obey the scrum guide or my personal guide. You know, we made some changes, specific use case. Yeah, managers love me. Yeah, like we get things done in more time, more things done in time. We don't even define requirements until after production. Yeah, actually, we delivered on time in the past two years. But then scrum came and everything changed. There is a scrum, there is enterprise scrum. The one and only real scrum is mine. We called it scrum, it's really waterfall with meetings every two weeks.