 Camels stay fresh because they're packed to go around the world for the songs of Connie Haynes, Cliff Nazzaro, tonight's special guest Arthur Treacher, and... Wanky party! Oh, are you expecting people? Let's say no more about cows, please. I'm not in the mood. What mood? A cow mood. Look, look, forget about the cows. You don't know anything about cows in the first place. Who don't? Wait a minute, do you know what a cow gives? No. A cow gives milk. No, she don't. You got to take it away from her. All right, first thing you've said right. You take the milk from the cow's udder. Have a big fun. The cow's udder. The cow's udder what? Castelli, you take the milk from under the cow. You mean the crankcase. Oh, no, no, no, not skin. High. Why should I hide? I didn't do nothing. No, no, no, no. Hustle me. You stop that, Castelli. That's no way to insult Mrs. Nile. Do you know a better way? Now, just a second, Castelli. I'm getting red in the face. Where are you getting the blood? Kenneth and Emick might just look how trim he is in that blue suit. Why, he looks like Gainsborough's blue... Rick's Bellboy. Pretty shade of blue. He dropped 20 pounds. You didn't drop it poor enough. Oh, now let's stop fighting, please. Mrs. Niles, Castello invited Lynn Barry to the house, and he needs some help with dinner. Oh, well, I might be able to help. I've been cooking for 12 years. You want to be well done by now? Yeah. They kiss her on that kid. Why? You see, you see, Mrs. Niles, what Castello really needs is a butler. Do you know where we can get one for you? Well, my uncle runs an employment agency. Well, that's fine. Here's the address. Just go over there and ask for my uncle. Oh, that's very nice. Mrs. Niles, what's his name? Hugo. Ask for him. Yes, ma'am. I go. But who do I ask for him? She told you Hugo. I know I go. Well, I told you to see my uncle. Uncle what? Hugo? Stop saying I go when Mrs. Niles says Hugo. All right. Hugo, and I won't have to go. Castelli, you don't understand. My uncle's first name is Hugo. Oh, why don't you say that in the first place? What's his last name? Guess it. Why should I? What? Why should you want? Guess his name. She didn't tell you to guess his name. Mrs. Niles, didn't you tell me his name as Hugo? Yeah. What's his last name? I said guess it. That's what I thought you said. Is it Murphy? No. Is it Jones or Smith? No, no, Castello, guess it. Castello, and I told you for the last time. Hugo, guess it. Hugo, guess it. Hugo, jump it a leg. Well, Castello, they're mad again. Now you've earned your bridges behind you. That's OK. I won't show it my coat on. Oh, come on, nonsense. You've got to have a butler for the party. Now here's Mrs. Niles' uncle's card. Call him up. Boy, this sure is for a funny phone number. What does it say? Established, 1903. That isn't a phone number. It's right here on the car. Nothing of the kind. That's the year he started the employment agency. He founded it in 1903. Oh, he founded it the business? Who lost it? Nobody lost it. But how could he founded it if he didn't lost it in it? Castello, I said he founded it. Can I help if you don't speak good English? Castello, please, you should be ashamed of yourself. Mr. and Mrs. Niles were kind enough to tell you where you could hire a butler. I was kind enough to explain how to contact the man. But did you appreciate it? No. All you do is stand there and give me silly answers. Oh! You certainly are. Don't tell my scout master on me. Well, I should. Oh, if you do, he'll take away my scout pens. Gee, you have it. Anything but that. I have one pen for courtesy. I got one pen for bravery and one for safety. Wait a minute. I can see the pen for courtesy and the pen for bravery. Where's the pen for safety? It's holding my pants up. No! The mission flies a lightning fighter plane with cameras in its nose instead of cannon and machine guns. It's only protection the skill of its pilot. They've got what it takes, those unarmed reconnaissance pilots, and so has their cigarette, camels, first with men in all the services according to actual sales records. To our island bases go camel cigarettes by the time. And we know they'll be fresh, cool smoking and slow burning because camels are packed to go around the world. More camel cigarettes overseas may mean less in your store. But remember, when you get camels, you always get more flavor. The result of expert blending of costlier tobaccos. Camel's tobacco standard is the same for soldier, for civilian, anywhere in the world. C-A-M-D-L-S. Camel cigarettes, they stay fresh because they're packed to go around the world. Orchestra player Cole Porter favorite, I get a kick out of you. Stable. Stable. Certainly just picture a butler in his livery. Would I got a house or a livery stable? Did I? Your house is certain there. And let me do the talking, please. Be kissing my wife. Remind him, let's talk to the clerk at the desk. How do you do, gentlemen? What can I do for you? Well, I'd like to hire a butler. We're in a great hurry. Haven't you got a butler week in hire? Well, there is. Mr. Morgan built a millionaire is talking to him. Now listen, Judge, I'll give you five nights a week off and $1,000 a week. All right, make it seven nights a week off. I'll give you my car. I'll do your laundry. All right, you're hired. Helping us, we've got to have a butler. Lynn Barry, the movie star is coming to dinner tonight. Lynn Barry coming to dinner? Oh. So you'll be putting on the dog. You can see our manager, Mr. Mazzaro, right this way. Mr. Rabbit, Mr. Costello. Costello would like to hire a butler. You want to hire a butler? Good heavens, man. Don't you realize that butlers can't or ask the salary to meet? And he can't raise the self-remark if he's a self-reliant or a surveiller, ain't he? If you want a basis, say, for the force of salary, could pay the force for the raise of salary. And maybe he'll be reclassified. You don't understand. Look, Brown, didn't you tell Mr. Costello that the cast of raises solved the mice of mice? Haven't got any thoughts? And didn't you tell him that the reason for the salivary of salivary to be the home of salivary men? Didn't you tell him that? Yes, but you, that that's the role of salivary to me. Now, not that the cast will be. All right, we'll follow salivary to my place. You get the picture I'm painting? Yeah, but just smeared it up in the middle. Costello, he's trying to tell you that today most people are doing their own work, even carry grant washes at his house. Yes, Costello, do you wash? Surely I wash. What do you think I am, a slob? Just as a washing. I passed Aunt Sheridan's house yesterday. Am I sort of washing her calories for Ross's soap to fill the mobile? And even a little bit of soap to cover cellophane. Don't you wash your dwang and fillpout until you do? Buttons break off. Mind your buttons. Never mind my buttons. What do you want me to do, be a pinup boy? Costello, let me ask you a question. When you had your last butler, did you pay him babba-diddit? No, I only paid him babba-diddit. Why didn't you pay him babba-diddit? Because she didn't, did they? Costello, now let's not get nasty. I'm trying to tell you, there's a shortage of men. Buttons, today, aren't just a cat or a horse with a cellarine of hypnigrails. Why, even my butler cast a boss of three. I tried, I said, two govres. Did you ever sell me a boss of eight? Bring my chondron, bring my cellophane. Bring my corset. And he bought it with a male face. You see what I mean? Frankly, I'm a little confused. Why don't you pay attention to the man then? That's what's confusing me. I could put it another way. You could? Right here at tell me how to cat or horse the cellarive eight of all. Or even horse and whitted, when you know that I'm the only one who only tries to say that, what do you think I am? A couple? A cat that bosses south would have every body cross with him in a cellarive eight into the high-drill jing-diddididididididididididididir. That doesn't make sense. That doesn't. It certainly does not. Of all the rediculous things I've ever heard in my life, it'sなので duttle. ghee-sainty's force get this mposte to colorate me the moment. Steady camel smoker. That's armed enough to appreciate what more flavor really means. Camels do have more flavor. Ask anyone. It's the result of our expert way of blending costlier tobaccos. This extra flavor is what helps camel cigarettes hold up. Keep from going flat, no matter how many you smoke. Give your second pack of camels a thorough checkup in your T-zone. That's taste and throat. Your proving ground for flavor. Yes, and for camel cigarettes, smooth extra mildness too. And remember, camels stay fresh. Cool smoking and slow burning, because they're packed to go around. They've got what it takes. At four o'clock this morning, I ate a nine pound turkey. No, I think she's coming. Yeah, Lynn Barry. And he's down in the dumps. Yes, that's where she told me I'd find him. In this hovel, I wish to inspect the premises, the service, and the food here. In English, she couldn't talk at all. Two seats? Yes. He's a polished gentleman. He sounds like he's shellacked. You don't understand. Archie, treat you. Don't keep Lynn Barry away from my house. You don't seem to really know me. I don't seem to really... He's correcting your grammar. You made a mistake. Who made a mistake? Now listen here, Mr. Treacher. When the adjective modifies to predicate... This way, you know that. Gee, Mr. Treacher, I gotta have Lynn Barry here. I'm in love with her. She's my whole life. She means everything to me. I didn't mean that much to you. Yeah, she's the only one that can string my yo-yo. Let me see how you'd make love to her. Now, just imagine that Mrs. Niles here is Lynn Barry. What an imagination you got, brother. Do what the man says. Take Mrs. Niles in your arms and kiss her. Oh, well, Mr. Rabbit, in my whole life, I've only been kissed by two parties. Yes, ma'am. The Democrats and the Republicans. That's enough. I thank you, mother. Oh, beauty eater. What are you waiting for? Go ahead and kiss her. Not me. Treacher, if you know so much, you kiss her. I kiss her. Now, look here. That is, I mean, I really... Oh, wait, I mean, Archie, you can't really... Oh, what have you got to lose? There'll always be an England. What a proper approach to kiss Lynn Barry. Take Mrs. Niles in your arms. All right, I'll do it. I have it in the arse next to hers. Now you're cheek to cheek. Tonight, we salute Marine Private John Pirella of Springfield, Massachusetts, whose patrol was cut off behind Japanese lines on Bougainville Island, knowing that an American barrage was scheduled to hit this very spot. Private Pirella volunteered to swim a strange tropical river past enemy positions and, in spite of heavy enemy fire, continued till he reached American positions just in time to prevent his companions being killed by our own guns. In your honor, Private John Pirella, the makers of camels are sending to Marines in the Pacific 300,000 camel cigarettes. The four camel shows honors a yank of the week, sends 300,000 camel cigarettes overseas. A total of more than a million camels sent free each week. In this country, the traveling camel caravans have thanked over three and a half million yanks with free shows and free camels. Camel broadcasts go out to the United States four times a week, a short wave to our men overseas and to South America. Listen tomorrow to Jimmy Durratti and Gary Moore, Saturday to Bob Hawke and thanks to the Yanks, Monday to Blondie, and next Thursday to Aberdeen Costello with their guest, Miss Lynn Barry. Good night, folks. We're a little late. See you next week. Good night, folks. You're joining me next week for another great Aberdeen Costello show with our guest, Lynn Barry. And remember, camel cigarettes make the best Christmas gifts of all. Whenever you buy them, wherever you send them, camels will be fresh because they're packed to go all around the world. This is Ken Niles, wishing you all a very pleasant good night from Hollywood.