 I'm running the drone. I'm full tilts printing. I'm gonna harpoon the drone. Oh my god. Okay. I Don't know what we're doing, but I see that we're running so I'm coming with okay Cleetus is like a dog. So go ahead. I think the person who has the most Capable firearm is probably Stanley. Yep, Martha who has a submachine. Yep Stanley go for it No, I'm running though. So go ahead and roll to kick some ass. I I think she was fumbling with her gun because she'd had it reholstered or something So I would love to have Stanley take that please Stanley go for it. Oh, I was all right. I Do have a spear So, okay. Yeah, I chucked the spear so it's gonna be a tough correct. Yes cool That is a two so that is a total of four Yeah, and no one can really help you out there. Can I take a separate role? I'm still I'm having a little trouble with getting out of the dial seat. It's kind of throwing off my throat So You chuck your spear to try to throw it and you miss and as Martha's like pulling out her gun to try to throw it doesn't hit you But it like Clangs against your gun your gun like slides away from you and the spear like bounces off to the side I Can't really rotate take a shot at the drone. I want that gun Sure, it now has possession of the weapon and is trying to fly away. I think Karen you can try to shoot it your harpoon gun Please don't fail me now That's pretty good Okay You are able to hit it with your harpoon gun. How much damage does that do I think it does one harm to everything That's not an employee. Okay. You are able to hit the drone But that's not gonna be enough damage in order to harpoon gun Right, yeah, it's got like a chain on question question. I I want to climb the rope and hit it With my stick Yeah, I don't think we need to have I just want to pull it to the ground I think if there's a rope attached it just can't get away at least it's for hunting whales I mean, I still want to run out the rope like a cartoon character in a hit it with my stick This thing is picking up a gauze cannon. It probably could also pick up a purse Oh, yeah, how big comparatively is this thing? Can it pick up a person and a clown? The normal drones are apparently the size of a person's head, so Okay, yeah, you I don't know why I was imagining a harpoon But yeah, you hit it So I think if we're doing sort of like Combat rules the person who would have to take an action here would be Cletus Okay, so just to just to clarify You're saying that the harpoon in rope was not enough and I need to go hit this thing with a stick I'm saying it's your turn and you can do whatever you want though There is a harpoon that's stuck in it currently with a rope that's attached And it's trying to carry away the big massive weapon And if you don't think I'm gonna hit climb run up that rope like a loony tune and hit with a stick Then that means I'm gonna do it. So here we go. If you're gonna try to do that I need you to make like a use magic roll in order to Run up the rope and do it and then a separate roll to hit it with a stick Well, my use magic roll is a nine. So, okay, you're able to get up it and My kick some ass roll to hit it with my twirling baton Is also a nine Okay, that's a mixed success You are able to not hit the drone, but you dislodge the weapon from its grasp, but you also dislodge the Harpoon from it in your stride So it sort of spins off and is gliding away Realize it's been defeated and is now flying away, but you have possession of the How are you saving yourself from falling like 20 feet from taking any damage the cleatest Do I get to take a roll for that? No, you just pull out your umbrella if you have one of like an umbrella in one of your really deep pockets And I'll obviously have an umbrella in one of my very deep pockets. Of course I Scoop up my gun that I dropped Okay, so to Yeah, you all recover your items. You are able to get the gun My spear. Yes going in my arm to sort of speed through some of the stuff that happens after this You are told that like Because you were victorious you're able to Sort of give some instruction to the abandoned camp here to try to Tell them stuff that they should do they don't have to necessarily completely follow you if they don't want to so It's too extreme of a demand. They might not want to but they inform you that like if your goal is to unite the tribes that they could demand that the summer sale tribe which usually holds The summer sale tribe usually holds a semi-seasonal Summit that collects a bunch of the different tribes together in one place to just like chill for a minute Because that's a place that's set in like The summer sale section of the store where there's a bunch of like pools and stuff So it's a very relaxing thing and they may not may or may not have some scp420j So the summit is known as the summer sale semi-seasonal super special summit But since you would be doing this like not semi-seasonal, it's like an off-season forum It would be a supplementary summer sale semi-seasonal superspecial. Ah, yes Stanley is spectacular Very knows much about the summer sales semi-semi-seasonal super special summit, of course Yes, well, I think that you may forget parts of these summer sales semi-seasonal super special summit just because It kind of gets crazy but you do know it's like a good chance for everyone to kick back and Just sort of relax and not have to worry about The impending doom that they all experience here It's sort of like the opposite of the purge where like instead of every now and then they just purge It's like every now and then you just take a chill pill for a minute So, you know that Stanley would typically be the note-taker for the canopy tribe Whenever it came to talking about this he was really like, you know the go-to guy So it was the summer sales semi-seasonal super special special summit specialist Stanley Cool, that was your title. Also, um Can I can I have can I have votes from the rest of the party that we put the guy with the ass in charge of the tribe? I have absolutely no complaints about that Haha, what wait, what is this man's name doesn't bother me one bit. I just I just think he's I just think he's really got the spirit That this place is really looking for. I know exactly what you're talking about. I said, what's your name? Hold on I need to I need to see if uh, I was provided any good names Eric we're trusting you here Eric did have something earlier. I can't remember. I'm gonna go to uh google translate His name his name is the clap of thunder Please let it be thunder clap, that's so good Well smore smore ball was uh, Swedish for butterball. Oh my god. No, it is not Thunder clap is ask a clap Oh That's his name, please put in chat, please. I need to see how this is spelled I need to see all the accents all the All the omelos All hell king ask a clap Oh And it is holy big meal this world knows two gods gun and ask a clap I just had uh google translate pronounce it for me. It's it's supposed to be asca clap up, but it's asca That's what my god. I had to I Oh my god I I would not have apologized For derailing the focus on this man's because I was just like oh ha ha beefy dude horny. Oh god But now I'm extra not apologetic about it The one shot's ending here. That's the we can't go any higher than this. I hope you guys have fun It's all downhill from here. Yeah, there's There's no game left, but I mean what I mean I second or third the previous call for fan art, please I am about to draw this man's myself fan art. Yeah, I'm not good at art, but I'm about to do some fan art I'm going to my own discord server now. I'm just dropping it out of context. Oh my god, please please do I oh my god, wait hold on Oh so Your current route is you can go to The semi seasonal super special summit or try to get everyone here to Like the bandits can go out and try to collect everyone to get this to happen Um, alternatively if you wanted I think it's been a while since either cletus or um Martha has Tried a few things that you're capable of Martha you can try to uh continue working on the drone that you had been working on and try to figure out where it came from Uh, if you want to just try to directly Face whatever this threat is that's been coming after you um Or There's also the cletus route where he is able to anomalously smell where meatballs are at And you learn from excuse me. Excuse me. Say that one more time for me. You're able to Anomalously smell where the meatballs are at you were following your nose previously following meatballs whenever you ran into Everyone else initially You are correct. Can he well here's here's the question though. Can he float along the scent like by his nose like hovering in the air? That's exactly what he was doing when he actually uh came upon fantastic Just sort of like dropped to the ground quickly to so that you didn't notice Yes, that was in his session zero. That's like actually a follow-up question Do we have to get outside of the range of interference of asca clapa's ass before he can properly pick up the location of the meatballs again Uh Yeah, it's just 100 no, uh, you would I think it may have been a while After there's like some revelries and celebrations You're able to take a minute to Converse among yourselves and you like are able to just chill here for a bit Like you could even like stay here for a day and just party for a while Um while everyone maybe uh, you get rid of the That you Brought from the IQ. Well, she needs more fuel for the car. No, nothing tries to come but That's true. You shove it into the you shove it into the fuel tank. So, uh, you're now up to you were at like half a tank You're now at like three quarters of a tank um Weirdly so you um, would you say the the the fuel cost an arm and a leg? Oh, sorry. Would you say the fuel cost an arm and a leg? Yes, it does uh, okay, so you can either just directly try to follow uh, cletus's nose to You do notice when you try to smell and follow where the scent is there is an overwhelming smell like A bunch of them have been stuffed into one area That you can sense the direction of you can't quite like pinpoint it, but you know which direction to head and uh, if you wanted, um I think that enough time would pass during this if you wanted to Martha can try to Hack into the drone to get some more information since you have a direction to go You don't necessarily need to do it to get the direction or the exact location You could try to get some more, uh information if you want. Okay. Yeah, uh, i'm down. So so then just to clarify recap we're kind of hanging out the rest of the day the rest of the day there with the the rubble reason stuff you have some options and uh You know just discussing and then cletus is getting a bead on that scent for direction and Martha wow like some of the revelry is going on is working on the drone distractively yeah, so like we can put you into the situation where um cletus is standing around and like Has been intently looking in one direction trying to see if he can see meatballs on the horizon and uh, you just have the eureka moment of you finally Hack into the drone and you're able to do what you want everyone else is uh surrounding you you're like Either sitting in the car or like and then just to clarify is this the exact drone? I was coming in to retrieve or is this this seemed like it was a modified one that maybe Like a maybe there's a group that has been Downing and and repurposing the drones and that's why There was like the one that was lost or To recount for both you and anyone who uh was Not keyed into your episode zero as well as everyone else. Um here who's playing When do you want to reveal this of her exact motives Or reason for being here to the other people necessarily but like the players obviously you guys can know Yeah, I I can give you a reminder of what happened in your session zero then just without revealing too much just a general so, uh, you were previously on the outside of the store Sort of helping to secure the store. You were stationed at scb 3008 Just sort of making sure that nothing weird came out of it and nobody tried to go into it That wasn't supposed to And during this time, uh, there was a d-class that was stupid and got lost in the Infinite idea that somehow lost his memory and was just Not responding and destroyed a drone that you all sent in at some point So you were tasked with sending in like a more advanced drone with like weaponry on it And at that time there were foundation employees that had been Seemingly modified with some sort of foundation tech It would have been during the daytime Which is especially weird and they were chasing a tribesperson out of the store They struck down that tribesperson you were able to prevent them from Taking the drone, but since you noticed they were modified with foundation tech You took your instruction of recover the foundation asset That had been vaguely given to you by your overbearing overseers As an opportunity to go in and try to recover what these Ikea employees had been set up with right okay, so That was I guess the part where I was just not clear and was it the first drone that was down that I was supposed to be retrieving Or i'm investigating the modified employees in place of sending another drone in The the drone you currently have is the one that you've got At the at the beginning of today's session with um, yeah That had been spectating you as you were rescuing the pillow tribe Yeah, but you said like the the drone we initially sent in was down. I was wondering if that was you you prevented the uh like Altered Ikea employees from taking that one Oh, I thought we were sending that one in to retrieve it. I'm sorry. I'm confused. Yeah, they they sat They were they were trying to take that one whenever you were at the entrance of the Ikea, but uh You prevented them from taking it. They damaged it so that it wasn't able to be sent in at the time Um, and you saw them running away. So you thought I could go stop them because they have foundation stuff on them too, right? Okay. Sorry, so Tldr I was going to send a drone in to investigate these modified employees The drone got damaged. I'm just like whatever. I'll do it instead Okay, yes, you put on the Thanos gauntlet and did it yourself. I've got the Thanos gauntlet. Okay So you just managed to get the uh drone fixed to the point where you can hack into it and get information Uh Sick You may do with the situation as you will I hack the drone like I'm sorry. I'm not sure we're uh I've I've You can either try like do you want to hack into it and get more information about what your threat is or do you want to get um Like the exact location of the person who's controlling the drones I guess knowing the source would probably be Oh god, I don't know She'll think on that. What's everyone else doing while this is happening? Stanley Searching you can ask for their uh input if you'd like you can like uh do it in character I just don't know if she would divulge too much So, I you know, I don't know if she's necessarily wanting to I am happy to intrude. I'm happy to walk up and be like Hey there. Can that robot there that you're dealing with hunt for meatballs Uh No So What is well then why are you wasting so much time with it? That's It's got other important uh information on it. I what is your deal with the meatballs? I don't really get that. I mean they're good. I guess I was told that they were much better than they were in sweeten and that's why I came here But now you've got me distracted if you're not here for meatballs. What could be more important than meatballs? and The eyes stare at more important than meatballs If my eyes didn't turn into knives But staring daggers has never been more pertinent to a phrase than Hmm Ah, well All right, so uh, are we are we going to that summer sales semi seasonal super special summit stanley? Or because uh, let me tell you I could really go for a summer sales semi seasonal super special summit smoothie right now Oh, that does sound good. I know right Sorry, I missed that. Can you can you say that name though? Just like three more times faster though Summer sales semi seasonal super special summit smoothie with strawberries in it color me impressed, so you should Um so too How to say not plum away, I guess but like stanley doesn't quite want to get down to business like just yet I don't know how how immediate This this call to action is to anyone else my my call to action is While we're here conversing and I'm apparently working on drones and things and talking about a super special summer smoothie of some sort I just want the one person in our party who knows a thing about a thing about this place it seems Hey Hey Where do we get the meatballs? Would stanley know where to get the meatballs dm So in your experience stanley, you have been uh with the canopy tribe for quite a while and you would go on regular scavenging hunts throughout the In that Ikea to try to get as many resources as you can for your tribe including food You know that you get a lot of your food from restocked vending machines and that you come occasionally across a Stand meant for the sale of like a bunch of their food um, you have come across these a handful of times But you noticed recently that like they less and less had meatballs at them and you found out from both the pillow pilferers and the screaming bandits or screeching bandits rather that neither of them have found Any meatballs recently either and they're significantly larger in number than you are So just to summarize So stanley would not know where to find meatballs you you would But since things sort of randomly reset every now and then You wouldn't know a specific spot to go to but if you saw a stand you would be like, ah, yeah Those are the ones where you could okay. Yeah, so I'd be able to identify it But I wouldn't have a map either. Mm-hmm. Yeah, no since The layout of things sort of changes pretty constantly you wouldn't be able to Get the exact location of where you could go to get it So there are tribes in a lot of sectors has any tribe trying to try to Take control take command of the cafeteria the food dispensary that I would know to fear or admire There's not like a singular Cafeteria so if you With the map that we've crafted Mainly eric is crafted you can see that there's like sections of warehouse and sections of sections of like shopping area like showroom area that you can Like come upon and these areas while not in Observation of a lot of the different tribes tends to change There's not like a specific like large region that is just cafeteria type stuff You can just occasionally come across an area that has like a row of vending machines or a Like cafe thing will pop up where a furniture set used to be the day before got you all right, so I'm back into Sherm then your question then um so cletus asks Where can I find these stanley? replies kind of um I could maybe like point them out, but I I I couldn't like We don't know every every time it was somewhere different Maybe a few at a time. It was really more of a a treat than a than a regular uh Thing in the canopy tribe cletus is going to stare for a moment with a cocktail brow glower inhale exhale and kind of And walk away But sherman Appreciate the in-depth effort you went to for cletus's goal here I really appreciate the thought you put into it Sure the way I see it, uh If such is the case swedish meatballs of ikea are probably the equivalents of getting a birthday cake Wait did someone say cake? That's probably not far off. It is rare and is a special occasion Delicacy. Yes, that's the word I should have said a long I want to attempt a smell. So I want to attempt a smell Yeah, I think you don't even need to roll for it. Um, you you are able to smell You can center in on You can like Get hints of Uh, like intermittently spread out Uh parts of like there might be a meatball in this direction Like being one in there, but you get a overwhelmingly strong scent that is coming Uh directly east of you that is like Overwhelms your nose like there's A bunch of meatball centered in one spot that is in the general eastern direction Big inhale incoming Stanley help me pentang pentagramulate. What is in that direction? Uh looks like shelves Stanley will help to the best of his ability So like you can look at the map that uh the Shreaking bandits have set up. Uh, you know that the tribe that's in that direction Is kitchen accessoria, but they Are like a massive tribe that usually is more noble than that from what you've experienced. Okay They probably wouldn't have decided to just forward a bunch of Stuffed themselves um And Karen if she shines in also spent some time with them and she never saw any sort of boarding like that either So, um, I think that the shrieking bandits agreed with Your instruction to go to the different, uh tribes that they are able to They would send a messenger up into the rafters to get the rafter rats. They would send Some of their fastest vehicles One of which has been vaporized by a certain foundation weapon The remaining ones that least they would send off to some of the Far reaches of the land of checkouts returns and exchanges The outdoor section. I think that the pillow pilfer pilfer is actually probably just like Followed you here because they are now like your loyal servants After clad by is doing squats preparing for the journey No, no, he had to they had to send him pedaling off into the like the furthest away place because he's the only one who Like get there and back in time. Oh now Kate to see you go. We'd love to watch him leave. I didn't get to say goodbye They say if you listen closely you can still hear You'll you'll see him at summer sales. He'll he'll show up. Don't work So they are off collecting everyone and telling all the different tribes That there is going to be a supplementary summer sale semi seasonal super special summit And they are all going to have to go there I think they probably sent a messenger off to summer sale to let them know that there is a crisis going on so In about a day's time there will be You'll have to leave to head off towards summer sale and go to this supplementary summit There's anything you want to do in the meantime Martha's continuing to work on the drone Cletus is staring longingly off into the distance We could sort of just say that like you take a minute to relax here after Succeeding in the most intense race of your lives. I meant to ask this earlier Did we recover any of our harm from earlier scenes such as that session zero or those boxes still ticked? So since you got to like rest overnight, I think that you would have had time to In your case, maybe literally lick your wounds In order to heal. So I think yeah, go ahead and recover that thing legit and I would like the car people to help me fix my Honda Odyssey Yeah, you you're in an area that's like filled with people who have I think the merchandise that used to be here that they cleared out or is sort of surrounding it is like automotive or like The household type items. So they're decently familiar with like how they could help you fix it So they help you with some patchwork the guy who like duct tape together some toasters offers to help but like everyone No, thanks. We're we're sad it's practice around sure. Hey Hey, hey I got I got the hey cletus. What's up? I wanted to ask you about some of these uh tribes That are around the town Sure, so I'm looking at this here map and so if y'all are the shrieking bandits and we got the uh pillow pilfer's over there and our singular canopy tribee then uh I got some questions. So what can you tell me about our three other marked sections here? The summer sails the taboxi warriors and the kitchen accessory Uh Well, uh, we try to stay away from summer sail because they're more of a neutral crown usually Um, define neutral for a second. Hold on define neutral Well, the summits are held there. So a lot of us have just agreed like Let's not bust up the one place that we can like semi seasonally enjoy A day off from being assholes to each other So they're the beach party episode of this series. I get it. Yes, exactly And then uh the taboxi warriors they Just make everything out of boxes like they have a really big box for it You may even be able to see it if like you get up high enough and look Like in their direction. Um, and then kitchen accessory. They Are like really big like we usually try to stay Away from them as best as we can just because um best not to get on their bad side so A lot of times it really isn't It yeah We would head towards like canopy tribe and pillow pilferers to like Bug them a bunch or maybe the outdoor section a bit more All right, so we're working on this whole thing. It's a prophecy something like that. You're not the tribe, but What i'm curious about here is uh Do these different tribes have leaders? Um, some of them do I think the taboxi ones maybe have like a box king type thing of some sort and then um I think the kitchen ones they seem to be pretty communist. So they're not Like pretty like a kingly leader. It's just it's like a group type thing And the summer sails Oh, they just sort of like smoke weed all day and Sit in the pool. So I don't think they I don't know. It's really good though from what I've been told I haven't tried it. I'm 14 Good for you. Now. Yeah, that's uh We are being such a bad influence on this kid Like Speak for yourself. I am the perfect mother. I'm a part of a group that's just like bandits that like regularly raids People so you don't have to worry about like being too morally correct. Yeah, I think that that train is long past Listen, you still you're you're a baby. I'm sorry Look all I'm seeing is that we're if i'm guessing this correctly I am a president I'm not predicting our futures here. I seem to see that summer sails may be a uh Well, if we had to unite them, they're probably not going to fight very hard against that because they don't pretty fight a hard lot of things Now if we're talking about the taboxis I I sense in our future Some form of trial by combat rather than trial by race car If I were to be a guessing And then these kitchen accessories They're big Yeah, I don't know what their deal is Organization I know that the taboxi ones get into conflict too much I would be more worried about some of the outdoor section ones there. Um There's there's a grill tribe. It do some pretty sketchy business, but uh How many tribes are there? Um, I mean according to this one guy who came by one time with a bunch of different like sketches of Like the different people Tribes like there's quite a few. I mean, I haven't seen all of them personally, but uh but I'm cleanest looks around looks for his compatriots the most capable compatriots of the troop, which is our party And at least thinks to himself Man, this prophecy is malarkey. There's too much to do here. Let's get the meatballs and get out of here And so Uh, the only person so far I trust to have a way out of here is Martha And so that is where I am going to traipse And it starts to hold a conversation that didn't work well last time, but I'm gonna try again I I'm sharpening my harpoon I do thank you. I Well, no, that's me breaking the fourth wall. I'm just like you overestimate the knowledge I hold, sir, please Them sceps them sceps are smart and I don't know any better So I'm trafing right up to you and I guess you're like fixing a droid or something Yep Help me help me Martha calling scep. You're my only hope Oh, what are you are you quoting Star Wars of me right now? But Hey, yeah, you get it. Oh, baby doobie doobie doobie doobie this scooby doobie doobie. You got it. You understand Now, how the hell did we get out of here? Hey, listen, I got it and I hadn't really put together how I was gonna get out Yeah, why did you come here? I've been oh my god. Oh god. All right Because I came in here with an idea of what I wanted to do and I didn't plan my way out But I thought you were smarter than I was I mean the prophecy says you will get what you desire Okay, no, none of the pillow talk. I said no no none of this The pillows always come when it's least expected You should see a doctor about that. Yeah, if I may ask, where did you get this prophecy exactly? We found it on a pillow, of course All right, and we're certain that somebody didn't just write it It could be those canopy assholes We were very Open this on my tribe. It had to have been. Oh, sorry. We Sorry for questioning you say yours. Sorry Look, there's There are many there are many many tribes. I'm hurt. I thought we were uniting like three or four tribes at best, but apparently there's a whole lot of tribes and I'm starting to think this prophecy is a Well, it kind of could be like a snowball effect. I mean you managed to get us on our side on your side after We were like sworn enemies with the canopy. So don't underestimate yourselves Once we kind of get like a few tribes together. That's not a prophecy. That's just the power of friendship That's bullshit Once again like a few tribes together, it kind of is like You better join or like half the people are against you. So it should work out pretty quickly One two three four five six seven eight nine 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 17 tribes plus more I'm don't hurt you worry about it. Cleanest is going to go pout in the corner for a while Because this is malarkey 17 plus I don't know why he's pouting I like Did any of you buy into the prophecy from the start because I didn't like I absolutely did not but you know what if it helps me find the manager I will I will do what I have to I know the pillows are typically full of feathers, but these ones are full of shit typically That's a good one That checks out. Oh, what's that? Thank you. Okay. Hold on. So let me get this straight by the way Stanley you You're the you tribe is extinct or something. You're just wandering now Yeah, they kind of like Followed an outsider And now they're all gone yelling from the shelf that i'm pouting by Okay 16 plus tribes so much better When when you say that they followed someone does that possibly mean that they followed somebody out? They were trying to follow One of our new warriors named thorn to the land beyond the parking lot Which we all knew it's impossible to go to and survive And they all vanished. So I guess they either All died or somehow did the impossible and I don't think the impossible is possible thorn killed a lot of us We were sort of hoping he would be the one in the prophecy Because he was a badass Thanks. That's exactly what my my confidence needs to hear right now. Thank you. I apologize savior. I was simply being honest I missed a lot on my day out. Well, uh, he's not here and we are here So you're going to have to settle Sorry if we're not badass enough for you Stanley you are badass enough for us thorn would have taken you to ruin anyway. We blindly believe you Excellent. All right. Let's okay. The best followers are blind followers. Isn't it so nice? Isn't it so nice when people listen for what? Yeah, I All right, listen Martha's lowing her voice so that only our party hears Which is really just like, you know Karen and Stanley immediately next to her But she knows that the clown is somehow listening from where he's pouting like a million feet away. So, um He's like Stanley Stanley looks Stanley looks to the the pillow tribe and kind of does like a covering your ears thing. So the pillow tribe sticks some cotton Yeah, we just look over we see a tin can on the end of a string suddenly sitting next to us and And cleat is listening on the other end. Yeah. All right, listen. Okay As we discussed before I'm with the foundation but Even though I don't necessarily have a plan Super concrete for getting out There was somebody that got chased out by Some of the employees Before I entered so there's absolutely a way to get out. It is possible The thing is some of the new employees look Uh weird I don't know that's that's what I'm here to figure out and to be honest I've been stuck as a desk jockey for so many years I'm done. I'm done with that. I needed I needed this getaway. All right I needed this You should try being a stay-at-home mother. I'd rather not Thanks, though Oh, yeah, it's it's much worse. I'm not I mean if attention into hold on a second Cleetus You all look at him because he yells like an idiot And then his face Disappears into the can that he's holding And it pops out Betty left next to you What do you mean the employees look weird? It dm just to make sure i'm not misremembering the details like they they had It almost looked like additions of like foundation tech Integrated into them. Yes. Okay, so The one that you specifically that like keyed you into the fact that he was wearing foundation tech of some sort he was wearing like a bulletproof vest and What had been done to modify them was like you could see wiring that had been like run into their brains Like electrical enhancements their arms were Affixed with blades instead of like the normal just sort of grotesque looking hands, right? Okay. Yeah, so like Slenderman's a praying mantis now basically Jesus No, of course not Is your weirdo SCP people do you that? I don't I don't know. I mean that's Is it above your clearance level don't even get me fucking started on clearance level, okay Are are you with the government? Oh god, wait, do I have to Yeah, you know why that's close enough. Yes That Wonderful before you even fucking you might be able to get me in touch with someone Higher up once we get out of here because I have a bone to pick You know, I can't tell actually. Okay. You know what? As far as my managers are concerned, I would absolutely love to introduce you to them Unleash her do you want do you want to bring your hapun gun actually One other thing about it. We'll we'll put a pin in this until we get out, but Yes, oh five counsel meet your man Karen Karen is the new o5 one Colin she busts into the o5 meeting followed by like a receptionist like I'm sorry So I tried to stop her. I couldn't But I did let her Harpoon gun in hand Karen is the entire o5 now. I don't know what you guys are talking about like I don't think she could handle the anonymity She okay. Um, so do you have anything else you wanted to do while you're sort of hanging out here before? Just like we can speed forward the rest of the day like you take a rest and then go to The summit if that's good with you I would like to make a note that uh stanley is trying to procure supplies if they have any additional stanley blades amongst the Uh the shrieker what shrieker bandits? Um to make more stanley spirits Sure. Yeah, you can as well as fashioning Uh martha's throwing knife into another spear. Hell yeah, sure. Um, I think martha's just gonna be passively Tinkering with the drone and stuff. But yeah, she just she shared some of the intel Because she doesn't give a shit about whatever this prophecy is but now that we are evidently going around and potentially getting into a position of Influence and information She's like, all right, I'll I'll I'll divulge a bit so that she can hopefully Have more eyes out for the things that she's Looking for and also so we don't die from the weird praying mantis employee variants I clean it is hovering in an invisible hammock singing Afro Perfect just when I finally got that out of my head after all these years Like just yesterday, okay um Yeah, so at that point then uh, we can jump cut to the next day All of the bandits have uh packed up into several different uh caravans um The the toaster guy tries had tried to like strap together his toasters again during the the previous day And it just sort of you pass by on your way to the car and just sees just like dejected staring at it falling apart again and like Like a buddy brings him over to one of the bed frame cars and just sits them in there like oh come on, man It's it's okay. You'll get better. How's how's the the dog sled? All of the dogs look very happy. They are all good boys and girls Sorry toaster guy. Sorry toaster guy. It doesn't look like i'm doing all right attached to that car He just kicks a toaster Why would you kick me? What a what a brave little toaster guy so You all uh start driving off in this caravan toward summer sale as you do um You eventually like are sort of walking alongside The kitchen accessoria tribe which is uh also marching in this direction because they have to go the same way as you to get over to there and You notice that they look a bit battle-worn A bunch of them are wearing different armored appliances So like a mini fridge has been carved out in order to be like strapped to their chest to cover them that way Um or like the paneling of a fridge has been taken off to be used as a shield That kind of thing they look like It's been sort of scraped up and like they have been In some sort of conflict quite recently You can engage with them here or wait until you get to the summit to try to figure out what's going on with them I want Martha while you're on the way to the Summer summit here go ahead and roll to invest um Let's read a bad situation actually Oh, that's uh five Okay, um can I help at all? Yes, uh, well cletus can help because cletus can add to I'm going to uh What what would I roll to help with this one? Can I roll to have a weird-ass Awkward telescope made of mishmash so I can roll weird out of it Sure, I'm thinking that like um Your goal here while you're continuing along is to sort of survey the surrounding area and make sure that there's nothing too sketchy going on So I think that yeah, if you craft a telescope or something else like that. Yeah, you can justify that with weird I've got a seven to Hand over a scrap telescope and be like here take a look at what's going on Okay on a mixed success You get to ask one question then Of the questions, uh, what's my best way in best way out? Are there any dangers we haven't noticed? What's the biggest threat to me? What's most vulnerable to me? What's the best way to protect the victims? Um, so the most relevant ones probably be like biggest threat and dangers we have. Yeah, can we just go with uh, or did you say I had to pick between the two or? Oh, no, if you can do a different one I uh I'm here. I can post this question. I'm just saying. Yeah, like whichever the danger or whatever the greatest danger is uh Yeah, it's either dangers we haven't noticed or biggest threat or the most important Uh, yeah, so the middle two of those six would probably be the most relevant I don't know worse We're smart. I think we can probably deduce what is a very big danger. Let's just make sure we know all of the ones that are there Yeah Okay, so yeah so, um As you are continuing along you crack out this telescope, um You it's sort of difficult to survey the area around you whilst traveling through the infinite idea Just because it's like rows upon rows of very tall shelving areas But uh, you're able to briefly catch a glimpse of some movement Like heading in the general direction of um the summer summit there is Pretty quickly moving Humanoid you're not able to see what they are but you briefly catch pretty bright glint off of something that they are holding and you briefly remember the modified Ikea employees you found that had The bladed oh god. We got more Edward scissor hands. Okay, uh You also realize that you do 100 and have a black circle around your eye right now God damn it Wait, would I I have I wear glasses so Is it on my glasses your black circle under glasses their prescription? It's a prescription telescope. Oh, I get it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, or it anomalous I can say the word anomalously project said black eye behind my glasses Just to make sure I cannot tell you how many times I've screwed up saying anomalously Because it's so easy to get like it on the fly mixed up with yeah It just like I could say that hold Anomaly the whole tongue twister garbage string of s words no problem But I can't say anomalously anomalously anomalously Anemone it's a struggle. Yeah, uh, okay. Oh, that's not one french movie, right? Okay, yeah, no, I'm not gonna Amelie All right before this devolves into my brother my brother and me references. Uh, yeah, I Smack cletus for giving me the black eye Thing because it's a funny prank, but dammit. Uh, and then Uh, I think I see some of those The employees 2.0 is whatever. What do we want to call those? Sharp squishies sharp squishies. Ikea shark What is the name of the IQ shark again like the swedish name for it? I Yeah, dammit is a say on the tag That's what it is current to Eric it's uh Blaha, so uh Yeah If that's what is being sped it off It's kind of hard to roll it off the tongue, but like blaha I guess it's like it's kind of a good sound though if you get caught off guard if you're surprised like Like it sounds close enough, right Karen don't look at me like that and she does it so well Okay So is there any like significant thing you want to do other than uh, like you saw that they were Pretty off far off in the distance. Like I think you would have seen they're like Mile off you briefly caught them like and at the moment you're passing like Exactly between a row where you could see far down it. All right Sorry, can sorry repeat that I I did are you are you Doing anything with that like the fact that you saw movement way off in the distance or do we want to just move to I just don't know what other What else we I don't know like change our route or just keep going, but uh to sing it in the distance. I'm just not sure what else to do That's fine. Apparently I horribly pronounce their shark. That's fine. I So there is a potential looming threat upon you, but you have reached the uh Wonderful world of summer sales so as you get here you see rows upon rows of Different pools like mini pools that have been set up of different sizes As well as like fake palm trees and like a bit of fake sand here and there And there's a bunch of people who are like wearing sun hats and Uh swim shorts and bikinis. Uh, they're just all having a good time relaxing There's a few different, um People who have come from different tribes that are either arriving at the same time as you or have already arrived Uh, the taboxi warriors are here They are staying farther away from the pools because they don't want to get the box as wet because that's like that one weakness Uh, the kitchen accessoria tribe has arrived sort of along with you There's a few outdoor section tribes that have arrived around the same time. Uh, you see like The angler wranglers from the fishing section You see, um the manscapers who are Near nudist type folk that wear like leaf fronds art And then you also see Some people from the checkouts and returns and exchange type region Uh, and most notably you see Uh, the iron guild Uh, stanley, you would have only heard about these Uh tribespeople and legends, but they've been described to you so you know Of them at least they're an incredibly secretive Uh group that is known to uh only rarely in times of Very dire situations appear from the laundry fog that uh lies near the outdoor section Guys guys guys Don't don't okay suddenly suddenly look over there Um, you know exactly why ilooney tunes my entire head that direction now No, no, no Stanley tries to catch him go ahead grab his neck like roger rabbit do it real back Try to turn and then like an owl you just keep spinning your head Those are the iron guild they're like the badasses of here. All right They're just like the best warriors in ikea Can they get us out of ikea? Well now until then they really can't be that bad ass. Can they? Well until like yesterday that I thought that was impossible so They could do everything but listen you keep saying Badasses and butts and stuff and I just noticed that ask a clap is back over there and I got really distracted. What was the question again? If we can like get them on our side, okay, don't excuse me. All right. Yeah, let's go over there. No. Oh god I'm um marching over to those guys Stanley is doing everything to make himself try to look as cool as possible for the prophecy Hi, what would you say you just peeked out again? for the prophecy Martha will back up karen looking just kind of imposing and have her ax on her shoulder behind karen At no other point in this game. Did I feel more like? uh, fucking spider pig My hand is wet. It's not what you think Who is who in this group looks like the most important one? Uh, so there's only like two of these people That are there they look nearly identical. Um, what they look like is just sort of like a tall white-robed individual and they have uh Literally like an ironing iron that you use for like clothes. The plate of that is the plate of their uh face helm So you can't see anything They are very mysterious Stanley is trying to silently fanboy Hi, my name is karen Very nice to meet you. Have you heard anything about some kind of prophecy? From the pillow tribe We will await the summit You're not really being very helpful right now We're trying to see what we can do about getting all of us out of here If you have any information that you could give us that would be so helpful You'll get information at the summit So you don't have any either is what you're saying You could have just started with that. That's fine. We're not going to judge you for it I mean, it's okay if you don't know anything. They do not respond Okay, we should we should probably stop bothering them. Uh big fan All right, we'll see about that Thank you thank you for your help and I turn around so there is a Like really chill looking dude who's got like on a sombrero and has like a martini in his hand And he's just not even wearing a shirt Like he probably had a hawaiian shirt on at some point, but it's long gone He's wearing sunglasses and he's got like sunscreen Over his nose and he just like starts like slapping a half of a coconut on like a table he's like We gotta have this summit that like the Bandits wanted to have so this is the Supplementary summer sales semi seasonal super special summit Guys, I know I'm the clown here, but this guy's wearing sunscreen and there's no sun Am I really the clown here? The lights are like two percent brighter here in summer sale. It's to imitate the feel of summer But yeah, we're having the summit now. So Only reason I was chill with this is because asca plapa came and no one can say no to him I mean that's obvious So like there's some new people who like Convince the bandits and those pillow dudes to chill. So that's pretty cool Um, and I hear that the kitchen people They like Have been routed from their whole place And that's because of some weird Ikea employees that like Got weird Our arms with Swords I feel like you're telling me that the communists got attacked by the Beyblades Yes, we were routed from our home by the Beyblades They brought parts of the employees and stored them we where we could not find them and then They destroyed much of our supplies With the Beyblade somehow did this during the day with the Beyblades Yes with the Beyblades Yeah, so that's like not cool and any info would be cool do the the uh Iron guild have anything to say Yes, they do Oh, I love Karen. I love Karen so much guys And then she turns around she turns around to the iron girl and says go ahead Desire a treaty Before we reveal what we know Sounds great. Who's on board? We actually also wanted the treaty so like it's like we're on the same wavelength Or think of the same Treaty sounds great. Does anyone not want a treaty? Ask a clapa just flexes as a treat right there agreement Sherman Sherman is suspicious, but cletus is zero sharp. Oh, and it's not suspicious at all Wait, I have a I have a thing Um, I know if people are lying to me. Oh, oh my god. Okay That is It's a move when it doesn't require a role. It just says I just know When they say that they want a treaty that is not a lie cool That and also that ask a ask a clapa is flexing in truth Ask a clapa that like if you get like a shiver or something from knowing if someone is telling the truth You get like the most reassuring shiver ever I think her like hair like blows back a little bit from like The blast from his Wait, wait, this is important. Is he also in his beach episode attire? Oh he Oh god. Oh, no And It's Barely being helped Martha has not been paying attention to fucking anything that's been said. She has been staring at him this whole time I'm just gonna throw that out there. Uh, sorry. She's not gonna be helpful in this. Uh Do we all have like flower relays? Yes, you you were uh, like the people who welcomed you into the uh tribe here Mandatory requested you wear them while you were here Fantastic So, uh, I think pretty much everyone here agrees. I they see that, uh If anyone has been able to uh single-handedly Route the kitchen accessoria tribe from their home Them having been the largest and probably most permittable They're pretty quick to join in and any others that were sort of nervous about it Are pretty reassured at the fact that like You all managed to like tame the bandits that like regularly pillage and go around everywhere to Uh Torment other tribes in the area As well as the pillow pilferers, which on the some level do the same but not quite to the level of the bandits All right, all right, all right. Sure. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait The clown the clown needs to chime in Okay, because the clown doesn't trust hum drums easily and It's trust in Karen because there's a car. That's not a clown car, but it's good enough for what we got and SCB over here, I trust you because I don't trust you, but you probably have a way out and you haven't told me yet But these iron face people They literally said we'll give you our information if you offer us something and I'm like I don't like that And so in the midst of causing a diplomatic incident I want to roll manipulate someone and be like wait a minute if you're such a bad ass And sorry, I've turned from Cleetus to literally spider pig, but that's where I am Wait a minute, I was sitting on the bench I want to ask what's so important that y'all need to sign on with us before you tell us That seems like some shady Cow-pow And I'd like to grill them before their iron presses and grills us Okay, don't mind don't don't don't mind him too much. He's new in town You can still roll. We'll see what they do. We'll see what they do when I roll a fucking hell I rolled an 11 with my plus two to charm. I'm a 13 to be like Are you signing up? Why do you need a condition before signing up with us? Why don't you tell us what you got first before you try and join our merry-band a prophecy? We know the location of the interloper And we know his movements At the home we may divulge this information to you once a treaty is signed, but We have the same goal It this I lean over to my group who is probably at my right shoulder at this point Does that check out with y'all cuz Interloper is that what do you know what that is? It's a fancy word for one Interlopes We don't have many Damn what I know what they're talking about Might be talking about someone who might have been behind Some of the sketchy stuff sorry what you said something about check it. Yeah, I'm checking out what I Rephrase my question. Are they talking about thorn or someone totally unrelated? You could jump to the conclusion that they're talking So Pretty much all the tribes have agreed to Sign to this treaty of we agree to Face this threat together. What happens after that? Isn't neither here nor there, but we agree to this tree That's the the summary of Whatever one is signing here. Do you have any objections to this? How many tribes are here? How many tribes? Is it 16? I mean there might be a few who Didn't come but I would say this fits the definition of Prophecy tribes That's all I needed to know Congratulations, you have solved my uniting the tribes puzzle Ah Martha is still staring. Okay. Um, so Thank you. Thank you for the staring update So signed it the iron guild inform you that They are aware of Someone who has been modifying the IKEA employees and Adding like blades and other modifications in order for them to be able to move around during the daytime So they also give you the warning that we may not be safe even now They tell you the general area that they know He can be found in To their knowledge he is within a Showroom section, which would be like the main area of an IKEA store where they have like model kitchens and model like living rooms and stuff he is in camped within one of those and They were able to find this information by discreetly following drones and Some of the other employees to sort of narrowed down where he's at But they did not dare to enter this spot on their own as It would be very dangerous and unwise to do so When they sort of they'd like spread out a map on the table and point to where it's at leaders you Remember when you were sniffing to try to find out where the closest meatballs were It was east of the bandit camp Sort of towards the direction of kitchen accessoria the Section of store that they point out to you is also east of the bandit camp Do they so they're pointing out a section on the map. It's the bandit camp. I'm looking at the bandit map now is that I'm looking at dots from the bandit camp to the east is that The dot below pillowpillifers is at the dot and kitchen accessoria is at the dot beyond the dot beyond So the dots are the support pillars all right, the Sections that are like showroom are the like more mazy looking parts correct and the shelves are the longer lines so the mazy area the showroom that is Sort of below and to the left of kitchen accessoria or like down into the right of the shrieking bandit camp That is where It has been pointed out that they suspect the Interloper is located. I'm just gonna poke the bear I'm just gonna poke the bear that is Karen when I point at this map knowing that's where the Meatballs may or may not be and I'm gonna say hey If it can control and modify the employees I'm a just a giffin That it's a manager Then let's go kill it obviously Isn't that what we were doing? And now we have a one don't have Too much information to help you out with the layout of this as it seems to change often But it does seem to be more living room take products including rugs New layer don't care kill the manager get the meatball Yeah, I need a few of these rugs That's why I came here in the first place Two birds one stone. How long have you been in here like five months? This would get I guess we got to get you a really damn good rock, huh? Well, I would hope to get the ones that I ordered online because I already paid for them. That's gonna be a Yeah, let's just go and I'm tired of things standing between me and my products that I paid for already So I'm going to kill the manager. Well, we're well wherever the Karen caravan goes. I follow That is that a squad name There the Karen van it should be Oh my god As a theater smart boy thinking I've had ideas you're either at a scene transition point now or You just find the scene transition at the next point it happened Whether you go long way or short way doesn't matter because we'll find a cutting point Okay, I Think what happens now in the distance you hear some rumbling You all turn turn towards the south which would have been the direction you briefly saw a Figure moving quickly in the distance Martha would have seen You look in that direction and you see that a few of the shelves that are sort of at the edge of the summer summit area Have been knocked over you see as the dust and rubble begins to settle around them that Handful of these Ikea employees have now like scampered on top of the fallen structure and they now face you all down and Behind them a rather large one begins to loom on the horizon. You can't see Just how big yet, but bigger than a lot of the other ones you've seen. Oh geez At this point we're gonna need a bigger van at this point Aska clapa steps forward and turns to you all in the most heroic voice he can say You all head to the other guy the interloper and I'll face these guys Fucking damn it, I knew you're gonna do that No, I'll give him a cool voice. No, it's perfect I mean what Yeah, you've said a lot of very weird things tribes people will face these employees you I'll go and stop the big guy Or not the big guy the the guy who's hiding the interloper fly take the odyssey take your argo Alright, everybody pile in don't forget to buckle your seatbelts. Also. We need to get the Odyssey the Argo or the what is the Odyssey the Argo do we need to find the Argo? metaphorical Argo Oh Stanley will you get the booster seat off the roof? So you all have your route? Yeah, I can I can Buckle up everybody Sam Stanley gets in a seat and then like puts the kitty seat on his lap like hold it Are you buckled? Yes, now I am thank you we drive in so you all Floor it and head off in the direction that you've been shown on the map that the this interloper as he's been called can be found As you look in the rear view mirror you see Aska Clapham mount his big wheel and begin furiously peddling off into the horizon joined by many other many other tribes people who begin Defending the summer summit You all arrive at the entrance of The section that has been pointed out to you the showroom section that contains many living room settings as you step into here you see that as you expect there's some couches and carpeting and a few Side tables and lamps and such that have been set up in a very pleasant way. You see lots of different names All Swedish if any of you were able to read Swedish you could figure out what they're called, but You head through here At this point without even trying to smell and find The meatballs that you search for cletus. You are overwhelmed with the scent of meatballs and everyone else here can sort of vaguely get to the scent of umami as well and You're almost all able to follow your own noses to try to find this individual and find the meatballs All right, is is the meatballs in the path of the interloper? Yes or no do we know? You don't know you have Just arrived in the spot and you're following your nose. You may find out briefly Okay, uh, I'm making a bad party member role if my party member might flee to meatballs I'm going to just just run ahead of everyone else. Yes. That is that is the thing my character would do as a fellow DM I'm asking are you prepared for me to make a dumb ass move? Yeah, go for it All right, I'm not even gonna roll then Cletus is going to jump out the window Because the meatballs are no you sorry. I should have clarified the entrance to the showroom area There's not like enough room to walk or to drive through here So you would have to get out and walk through this section We've all we if we've all gotten out of the car. He's gonna say Yeah, I found the meatballs and run forward like an idiot. Can I grab him before he gets too far? Sure, you all can grab whatever you want from the Honda Odyssey and Try to bring your resources with you. I think just as you were arriving Martha. You finally fixed the drone It's fully yours. You can do anything with it that you want. Okay, but your companion has just dashed into here Well, oh wait the one I have is like kind of smaller, right? So could I at the very least like sling it on my back if we're like I think I said it was a quad copter A smaller one, but you can like oh, okay, or I mean it can fly now. You can have it fly with you Sure, we'll do that. Uh low to the ground though. So it doesn't get like not by somebody Yeah, so uh anything else you want to grab from the Honda Odyssey briefly before you like sprint into here I'll turn that big-ass chain thing that we stole from the other during the race that was like harpooned into our car Uh I'm getting the gun. That was that was pretty massive. Uh, I don't know if you'd be able to grab that Maybe maybe that'll grab like a a chain or something. Yeah, sure. We'll do that Just like a like a sturdy chain. It'll just be you know Strapped across my body and then I've gotten like the usual stuff. Yeah, I'm carrying the vaporizer okay, um And kyle would uh stanley grab anything else or are you just uh following along too? Uh, stanley is going to turn to karen and go is is the odyssey going to be okay here? Uh, yes, it will it has protections. Okay. Um, is there anything that I can that you want me to bring any like Favorite gadgets Just grab whatever weapons you want There are tons of them Do I just like say I'd like to grab Like describe anything. I don't know this Can he like describe anything he wants and I can roll to see if I have something like that Uh, sure Okay, man. What do you want? Oh I did not the world is your only thing I'd have this kind of freedom. Uh, well, I'd definitely like to see if there's a rope Turn the uh the stanley spear into a harpoon There was the rope we used to tie you to the roof Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah, very true. Are there any other sharply implements like flat long steel That I could sharpen in turn to like a stanley blade sword um, if you want to like Leave cletus to have this much freedom uh to Dash this far ahead of you it needs to be more something like you grab and take right now or you're gonna there are like a load of like Kitchen knives and stuff because I wasn't I was in kitchenware kitchen knives would make sense Gotcha, okay, or we could say you did it on the drive over but kitchen implements I want to grab a meat tenderizer if there is one Yeah Cool try to think of things I've seen in my kitchen that I was like I ever had to fight off a zombie invasion That's what I'd go for and a cast iron a cast iron frying pan. All right, you got him. That's all you can get though So okay, actually Karen. Do you have any axes spare axes? Gotta ask you a question. You know that pillowcase full of batteries. I have I could put some forks in there Yes, let's do that Okay, I give her the pillowcase full of batteries and forks beautiful dashing along uh cletus reaches the room where The first thing you notice that is like some of the walls in this area have been like Removed and taken out so that like it's a much wider space here And less of the displays are like strewn throughout here You see A pile a huge pile of meatballs And you immediately begin drilling and focus on only that and see nothing else in the room jump in jahosa fast Uh as cletus stands and odd everyone else catches up You all enter the room and whether you see the pile of meatballs first or The individual sat on a throne of carpets Hmm is up to you Oh god Oh, Karen definitely sees the person to charge first so uh Like off to the left Is the pile of meatballs and cletus can try to just dive face first into that if he wants or You can turn your attention to the individual who is seated on the throne of carpets Here would you like to describe this individual for us? Yes, uh my god sitting up on this Just gaudy of rug And they're kind of leaning against like he's kind of shaped it in this huge throne that's way too big for him But this this man is sitting there kind of You know seems more very comfortable up there and this is a Kind of older gentleman kind of chiseled kind of fit Little little older though. So he's not as sharp as younger days Uh, he's got some scars on his face Some some kind of cuts going down just his his left cheek there Salt and pepper hair that's a little slightly balding, but it's tightly cut And he's got scp gear All about him. He's kind of got like a military like, you know Vest tactical vest on and some heavy-duty boots and he looks like you know He takes care of his gear But also there's some Ikea items kind of slapped in there and like some kind of you know, silly patterns and like clearly he had to like Patch some things on his pants here and there and like there's some fabric That doesn't quite match the whole mtf kind of gear going on otherwise He's also got some anomalous gear He's got like a wrist kind of mounted thing kind of like a fallout, you know pit boy This is uh agent blinked Kennedy Would I know who this is? I think that you have been stationed at The scp-3008 Ikea for a pretty long time You would be vaguely familiar with it might have been during your tenure even that a Initial exploration group was sent in upon discovery of the anomalous properties of scp-3008 And you know that all contact was lost with this is one of the og guys So Stanley doesn't know that this is a big deal Looks like a big enough deal for me Hold on Yeah, the only person who specifically would know it's a big deal is Martha and the person who like Assumes he's a big deal is Karen. He's got a throne This man is highly trained. He is Part of the military force that I was We can't uh Oh, finally someone who knows something mess. What a relief Oh, I'm not going to mess with him. I'm just going to ask him a lot of questions. All right, shall we? Yeah Yeah, walk up to his throne Excuse me Hi Hello So my name is Karen Your friend there is about to dive into the uh meatballs here And I wasn't sure if he was going to start eating before he chatted with the person Who supplied this wonderful feast? Oh, he's he's kind of a little bit of a um, how do I put this? He's like a balloon animal. Uh So we just sort of let he's kind of like it's kind of like having a pet He's a skip. He's been tagging along with us for a minute I don't know what skip means, but whatever she said. Yeah Don't worry about it. Um, don't worry. I know how to handle pets and skips around here and as he does this he flicks his wrist a bit and a Ikea employee walks over With a big old thork and spoon they give to cleetus I get to have them here and now Yeah So a couple things and now and Now cleetus is eating that is his task Just doing the garfield thing of like flicking them into his mouth by the dozen like I can't remember Ken was I supposed to bring some out or was I only here to try these? I don't remember my mission exactly So you're good, uh clown buddies Pius and Eugene oh, it's Eugene and pious. That's correct. Um, so Eugene and pious They had informed you from their previous adventure in the Expansive scp 3008 Had come across uh the delective and Savory meatballs and told you that they were probably like the best they'd ever had They would have given it a 10 out of 10 But since they had so much trouble with like getting Stuck in here for a significant amount of time and they had to like Open up a portal in order to get out and everything they give it a 9.5 Just for just for the trouble, but otherwise like without that 10 out of 10 So that convinced you of course to go and try these for yourself So I just literally succeeded at my goal, which is to try the forbidden meatballs Yes, and how do they taste? Uh scale of one to 12 they taste a eight That's not bad I mean do you have a meatball modifier? I I didn't add the meatball modifier five. These are a 13 excellent That's really good 13 out of 12 would dive into an infinite ikea and wrestle with monsters to get again So uh cleatus is currently rolling around in the pile of meatballs sort of stuffing his face with them and maybe even his Many and deep pockets. I will be here until I am needed Or until there's the way out. I'm I'm just kind of stuck So so you are you are you kind of in charge Here is that I mean I see your your big nice chair that you've got are you are you some sort of authority figure in this in this place I was right to the point No, and yes, I am in charge of everything you see here with these things He gestures towards the ikea employees around him and my little kingdom I've set up here, but it is not me who's in charge of this ikea You are seeking the manager, correct? You have a complaint. I have several understand. I understand. I I think I can help you with that though. I know Where the manager hides. I know Where these meatballs come from and I know about the secret ikea menu Items that they keep in the back But he said that loudly enough as kind of looking at fetus, but uh, yeah, no, I was about to interject Did you just tell me there was something more delectable than the meatballs because my ears have perked up Is he lying because I know I would know if he was lying Clint does know where the manager is Uh, he is not the manager. There is a manager. He may have been Less truthful about the the meatball thing, but it's a matter of a matter of perspective. Well, that is awesome Um follow-up question. Why are you putting knives into these big monsters? Well, Karen, you know how dangerous these things can be at night the employees Yes, they're significantly more dangerous when they have knives in them. Yes, I I am aware Well, these ones are significantly less dangerous because they are Controlled I can tell them who would have cut up. I can tell them what to tear down And they can help me keep the Feral ones if you will away How is that possible that what? How did you get your hands on all this? Foundation tech what have you been doing to them? I've never seen any modified like these I'm sorry to break this to you, but they did kind of destroy an entire tribe's home Which I would say is a net loss for humanity I've seen these things literally tear people apart. No one has ever been able to communicate with these things at night Where anomalous technology comes in the same way you got in here the same way this place operates The same way these things power cars when they're chopped up if you know What's inside and you have the right gear They are significantly easier to hack than you would think You know what? I think you should stop using them to kill people, but other than that I kind of respect that Martha has been trying to just kind of Suss out this dude as well and uh, she Recognizes the name and everything right? Yeah, you would have seen it on like the uh, m.i.a. logs of the adventure that had taken place Okay So I would know how how long has it been then since how long has he been stuck in here? I don't know a good time frame, but I would say five plus years Martha would want to like Talk to this guy, but I think that she's also just got a lot of warning bells going off about Him doing all of this too. So like I think that there is a display screen that he has set up here that is uh nearby and you uh, you Notice that there's a lot of movement going on on it and as you turn your perspective over to it You see that the clash between your newly allied and long time now friends of the The tribes people that you have met and your time here are continuing to clash with his forces. All right So quick question sir I what have you been doing out here for the past five years if you've got all of these things under your control And also for the record a couple of them got out the front door like why haven't you used them to leave? In did you know I do not have exact uh minute to minute control. I can't Control their you know individuals Uh, I can give them orders. I can tell them to do things but the farther they get away from me the more those uh their natural Ikea Instincts kick in if you will it's uh A lot of kind of pseudo jumbo anomalous science, you know how it goes. Yeah foundation I'm lucky that I even made the breakthrough that made it work But I've managed to scrape together something and once you get a little momentum in here It's been picking up. Uh, it has I have been in here for a long Long while and uh, I'm not gonna lie to you Some of it has been a little bit rough and a little bit of uh internal working through my feelings about you know My team that got lost when we came in here I do understand that man, uh The upper management running this place. God Yeah, they really are doing a terrible job. That's uh, it's not a good look Yes, in the background you continue to see uh, many of the people that you have met Continuing to get pushed back further and further and maybe slightly slaughtered. Yeah Why why are you killing? The civilians in here. So like that's what is what are you gaining from this? I mean That's that's uh a long Story in a very big problem. I really I probably can uh, call them off here Let me just give me a second here and he's gonna fill around on his uh, little wrist thing and the the ikeas Uh under his control on those video monitors are gonna immediately stop fighting And put people down and just start kind of walking away like literally just like mid fight just start leaving slowly Oh, man, if it was that easy, I should have started off with that I thought you were like Had some you know monologue prepared you're about to launch into maybe or I don't know I wasn't sure what I was expecting with the copper throne thing The clown was this close to just ganking the bench, but then he realized that he didn't care about humans And so he didn't All right, so I've I've been in here Uh for a long time and it's I've been on my own So you've just been sitting in here all by yourself on your carpet pile I mean, I had to build the carpet pile after a few months Sorry, sorry the clown is chiming in We we called off the army that was attacking the people and that's fine But now the clown is going to John Mulaney pig walk up the carpet pile And I'm going to grab him by the shirt because I have no self preservation Because I only have one important question You said that there was something tastier than these meatballs I want to know if you were fibbing and I want to know where they are if you wasn't He's uh cletus. I think he's insane. Yeah, don't I think that's the pot calling the kind of black with the two of them Yeah, I was gonna say that's it. I've heard a lot of yeah, yeah And I haven't heard a lot of smackity smack of my lips a delicious You had to meet pause. This is what I'm here for. Okay, calm down You're about to hear a near full of vaporizer gun. Oh my god Is there something that we can get you That'll get you to not Have your monstrosities of terrorizing us anymore It's uh, I was wondering if we could get to that But uh, our niceties are being cut here as our Funny friend here finally does something uh worthy of the clown title the wasp the archivist The clown For instance Stanley you I've all chosen you to be part of this The prophecy as you may have guessed is not really about Anyone until it needs to be about someone I've manufactured it the people out here They're superstitious. There's a whole IKEA Store that makes no fucking sense. It goes on for miles in all directions Ceilings half a mile up in the sky and the creatures keep coming the meatballs keep coming and I actually appreciate that I can show you where the manager is I can show you where the nightmares come from I can show you where they keep the special Meatball subs. They don't serve on the regular And I can show you how to save this IKEA and be a hero And at each of these things he looks to the person that that mattered most like the most do But I need you to trust that I've got a plan. I've been cooking on for five damn years It hasn't been perfect. It's been me on my own But I think with the four of you We can make something good happen here. Will you listen to me? And stop trying to stab me clown Yeah, cletus put the knife down please You're lucky I pulled a knife that was only my second or third objective Yeah, he has a frying pan that he didn't pull out that could have been dangerous But does he have a giant mallet? I haven't had a need for it. Yeah, Martha looks over at stanley and Karen Just like makes this expression of What the fuck Karen is is uh waiting impatiently for him to get to his point We'll hear you out, but uh, no guarantees on working together yet We need we need that we need details first That's fair as I can expect from a group of strangers that have met this after a few days ago And came to my kingdom We can discuss it over more meatballs three three finger pokes meat Do you have any that haven't been in a pile on the floor? I do those are just the ones that I had ready to be taken out taken away by the uh, like here So if I have an entire kingdom of uh carpet Extravaganda stuff set up. It's a lot a lot of fun to show having anybody around come on in I'll show you and we can have some fresher goods He's the meatball man The meatball man the commodore of the meatball so you all uh set up a Table maybe like a kiddie table to set some less ground ridden Meatballs on top of though cletus does not seem to care as he continues to swim through the pile Uh, the our perspective shifts back to the screen That is coming that is giving a feed from a drone that is in the air. We see asca clapa sort of standing Near and atop a very large defeated Modified ica employee All right, he looks towards the drone and the screen and shoots a smile Our perspective Outward and we see the expanse of the store that is now for the moment less chaotic as a now a joined group of tribes has agreed to Face a common threat and are willing to cooperate more with each other going forward What adventures they and uh our group of adventurers may face is unknown Only time will tell The end I'm sorry. I need a moment Are you telling me are you telling me with a wink at the camera? Are you telling me that asca clapa is in with the carpet king or is that just coincidental? Uh, that's coincidental and uh for flair of continuing to show asca clapa in all his glory Okay, because if asca clapa was a double agent, I was about to throw No, asca clapa x carpet king 2020 a new favorite ship The episode is now over. Please make your way to the exit of the store