 Good afternoon everyone. Thank you so much for coming. I'm delighted to welcome you all, but before we begin our Program officially we will start with our land acknowledgment Mount Holyoke College begins each event in the life of the college by acknowledging that those of us in Western Massachusetts are Occupying the ancestral land of the Nanatuck people We also acknowledge the neighboring indigenous nations the Nipmuc and the Wampanoag to the east the Mohican and Pequot to the south The Mohican to the west and the Abenaki to the north We encourage every member of our community to learn about the original inhabitants of the land where they reside The impact of settler colonization contributed to the displacement removal and attempted genocide of indigenous peoples This land acknowledgment seeks to verbalize Mount Holyoke's commitment to engage in shared Responsibility as part of our collective humanity We urge everyone to participate in action steps identified by indigenous community-based organizations Thank you for listening and taking that in and Now I'm so pleased to welcome Addison bowl class of 99 Back to campus Addison is remembered by many especially me As a student activist on campus While chair of the SGA Senate Addison served on the lead organizing team of what was called the 1997 Campus uprising for equity which mother Jones magazine recognized as one of the most successful student protests of the year One direct result of the protest was the creation of two new cultural centers The Jeanette Marks house and the Asian Center for Empowerment known as the ace house Following the protests Addison was elected as GA president That was the same year that I began my role as dean of the college So Addison and I had lots of opportunity to get to know each other during that year Addison continues to serve as class of 1999 vice president and remains actively engaged with the alum association Professionally Addison serves as an executive leadership strategic Communication and management consulting asset. His company is called bow and arrow Before becoming a Silicon Valley entrepreneur He served as a staffer to congressman excuse me congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords Speech writer to the president and board of trustees at Stanford University Congressional liaison and speech writer at the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau and lead researcher at the Center for Economic Integrity Along the way Addison and I reconnected at Stanford University I was a visiting scholar there in residence during the spring of 2017 and Unbeknownst to me Addison was working for the president of Stanford as a speech writer when Addison learned I was at Stanford he sent me an email and Invited me to meet up with him for coffee and we did and I had not seen or talked to Addison Since graduation back in 1999. So here we are 18 years later at Stanford And certainly a lot had changed in Addison's life since then we had a great conversation But now here we are and again a lot has changed in Addison's life Instead of writing speeches at Stanford now Addison is a business owner and tech entrepreneur So I'm very eager to hear about this new chapter as well as chat about some of the earlier chapters And I know that many of you are here today to learn from Addison as well So let's get started In these conversations. I often ask my guests to start at the beginning of the story Which usually we start with Mount Holyoke, but in this case I want to start at the end which is where we are right now So Addison tell us what you're doing and what brought you to this path in your career journey Well first just thank you so much for this opportunity. It is really an honor to have a conversation with you and I also want to thank Dr. Sanders McMurtry for the opportunity to be here because this is this is really a Profound and moving honor actually I found myself getting a little emotional When you started to speak and particularly during the land acknowledgement so I want to just center myself because it was surprisingly emotional because The Mount Holyoke is a place that I love so very much and so to acknowledge the land is also to acknowledge that The violence that you know is colonization So just the introduction of holding at the same time, which is something I think I did at Mount Holyoke Too is holding so much love for a place and then also having to wrestle and reconcile and repair The history of violence on the land is just very powerful. So I I'm saying that because I just I I Found myself feeling emotional and was even moved to tears hearing the acknowledgement because just feeling that all at once just so much love and also The truth of the history. So thank you. I really appreciate that we began that way and the Mount Holyoke begins that way because it's so important So I wasn't expecting to feel that way. So I just wanted to say that and then I will gladly answer your question around how I How and why I'm here and how bow and arrow happened. Let's start with yes so so bow and arrow is a company that I Started and it is all things leadership and communication So I'm a consultant a coach and a strategic advisor on all things leadership and communication and I do that with with individuals with teams and with organizations at large and they can be nonprofit organizations to for-profit organizations and Sometimes I am an executive coach. So I advise the and coach C-suite members. So CEOs or and CTOs chief technology officers CFOs chief financial officers. That's what the you know, the C-suite or the senior-most leaders often in companies, but I also work with executive directors and nonprofits and board of directors company board of directors that kind of thing and it's And so what I do is Any leadership quandary of the many leadership quandaries that individuals and teams have I work with them to To get clearer on what it is they who they are Whether their identity as a human being identity as a team identity as an organization And how they can better align their intention and who they are and aspire to be With their language and their actions both individually and institutionally so that they can be better more equitable and in some cases more profitable and or more successful in terms of whatever those metrics are So so that's what I do and how that happened on one form or another. I've been offering That kind of advice usually on an unsolicited basis For my the entirety of my life my parents would tell you I was offering them I was offering them some leadership advice as a kid Unsolicited and certainly at Mount Holyoke. I offered lots of unsolicited Advice and counsel and so now I get paid to give solicited advice, which is awesome Okay, I love it, but how how that started is prior just prior to that I was the speechwriter to the president of Stanford University Mark Tessie Levine Who's a really wonderful man? he's a neuroscientist he spent his his life trying to cure Dementia's and it's just a wonderful person and I really loved it and By how I got that job by the way is Stanford Business School started the the first that's known in the world the first LGBTQ plus focused executive education program and so I applied for that and was in the inaugural class of that at Stanford's Business School and in that cohort was someone who worked at Stanford. I worked at the time in Washington, D.C. for the federal government Consumer Financial Protection Bureau is the it's a kid it was the stood up by Elizabeth Warren and It was the it's the banking regulator for for all of it for everyday people or for our credit cards Mortgages stuff like that and it was it's the first agency of its kind so it was a great It was really tremendous to work there, but while I was there I applied for this program at the at the Stanford Business School and so while it was in this LGBTQ plus executive education program a Staffer at Stanford a senior leader at Stanford was also in the program and said you know We have a new president coming and I think they're looking for a speechwriter Would you consider doing it and I said absolutely I've always wanted to live in California I love Massachusetts, but I always felt like I was I was born on the wrong coast so I Applied and then and that got that job, and it was absolutely a dream job But at the same time so I was living on the east coast and I get this dream job on the west coast And since I from five to 40 years old. I had been contemplating my gender I mean I knew I was I wasn't contemplating my gender I was contemplating what to do about my gender because when I was five it was very clear to me I knew with all certainty that while my sex assigned at birth was female that was not at all aligned with who I knew Myself to be I knew myself to be to be male and But I'm sort of a slow mover sometimes so like it's very typical for me to think about something for 35 years and be like Okay, I think I'm I think I'll do it now So it was about that time that I thought okay wait This is perfect timing because I'll be moving from one coast to another and one job to another so and and I also had I also had the money to sort of do some of the things involved in transitioning so I decided to to to transition to affirm my gender and It was really interesting because I actually applied for the job to be the speechwriter Under the beautiful name that my parents gave me which is which was a beautiful name that I that I really love and feel great affection for And and then when I accepted the job they gave me the details and said is there anything else? You know you need from us or we need to know and I said, you know, there's one more thing and I'm transgender and I will be I will have a new name and different pronouns And if you could sort of put everything in those names and pronouns that would be great and to their credit It was just seamless. It was I think they accidentally broke the law They were so friendly about it because my health insurance was supposed to be it's like your legal name and my legal name hadn't changed yet But they were just so supportive that they put everything under my the name that I gave them and and Which was amazing, but the health insurance company was like wait We have a few things to talk about we didn't understand but anyway, it was incredibly smooth I would that is the way to go if you're gonna make mistakes. It was I was so happy They made one that really made my life easier, but so while I was working For the president. This was also my first year of really being Myself and I mean I was always myself before as much myself as I could be But this was really the first this was I felt a peace that I that I really didn't I Had never known before And I didn't know that I didn't know it until I felt it so I had not realized just how much Pain actually I had been in until it wasn't there anymore and I felt so free and happy and relieved and comfortable in my own skin that Once I realized that life could feel that way I didn't I I suddenly had a very low tolerance for anything It didn't feel that way because I had I had this high pain tolerance basically I didn't know that I had I was so used to feeling uncomfortable in such a deep systemic way that I just thought Discomfort was normal. So I would be I was a workaholic and would push my body to just all boundaries Through work working all the time and in other ways. I just I just got so used to discomfort So a communications job, you know speech writing job is a comms job and comms jobs were 24-7 jobs, especially when you're when you are working for You know an incredible person who is the president of a college and it's great. It's a tremendous honor But if this was also it was my first year of working for the president It was also my first year of being at us in bow And it was my first time and my first year of feeling deep peace and relief and comfort and I had I had a very Unexpected experience which was I didn't want to work so much anymore. I wanted to enjoy life I it was no longer okay with me to Give my life over to my job, which was which had been okay with me before so this was a very big surprise because I really identified as being somebody who loved working all the time and It was very helpful to work all the time because then I didn't have to feel or think about my discomfort And it was a helpful way because I earned a living that way and I gained lots of experience So it wasn't a bad way to spend my time It wasn't a bad way to endure discomfort, but I no longer wanted to do that So I loved working for president Tessier Levine But what I loved even more was this feeling I had of feeling peaceful and liberated for the first time in my life So I decided that I wanted more of that and that the only way I would probably be able to experience that Would be for a some period of time to work for myself I also I come from pretty working-class roots so financially my my family and my ancestors worked really really hard for everything that they had and Sometimes didn't have so I never wanted to have financial instability in my own life just because I it was hard it was really hard and So I never thought I would have the confidence to leave a job without another job and I lived in the San Francisco Bay Area, and I really had not saved enough money It's it's like the amount of money that I left my job with was like It was not wise I if I if I was advising myself I would say don't do I wait a little longer, you know But I didn't do that but so I decided to leave my job and to start and to start my own company because I I had done a really good job at Stanford and I had a great experience working for the board and I realized you know if you can do this for all these Folks you can probably do this on your own So being so come you know affirming my gender really gave me a confidence to To trust myself. I was like, you know, I can do anything. I just did this and this was really hard I can do anything so I left a Really amazing job with a really amazing salary honestly that I just never thought that I would be able to leave But to do something a lot more important to me Which is to just have a lot more sovereignty and autonomy over my time That's what I really wanted so I took his big risk and started my own company and everybody says when you start your own company it's going to take five years before you start making money and I Hated that they said that because I was like, I don't have five years You know, I need to like pay my rent now and all this stuff, but they were actually totally correct Just so you know I'm now at around that time and I'm like, oh, this is awesome I finally hit that Malcolm Gladwell tipping point where I'm like, this is wonderful I'm paying my bills and I have money to save this is awesome. So anyways, this is the long story of yeah How it happened but as I'm listening to you I'm thinking back to the fact that we had that coffee in the spring of 2017 That's right. And so it must have been just after or maybe even in the middle of I mean you introduced yourself Addison bowl, right? But I didn't realize it was such a new thing When we were talking to each other. Yes, but listening to your story now I'm thinking it must have been just a couple of months. Yeah. Yes. Yeah, so it was in December of 2016 was the last day of my job in DC and I had this two-week window Before I would start my new job So part of my journey was to have Gender-affirming surgery in this case top surgery. So I Slipped it and I was like, this is the workaholic. I was like, I have two weeks. I can get this all done I can move out of my DC home I can have gender-affirming surgery and I can fly and start my new job. So this is how I planned it It turned out that my dad actually had a minor stroke during this time. So I Packed up all my stuff and put it in storage to save time and figure it I'll come back and get it FYI I came back three years later to get my stuff out of storage So I lived in California for years without my stuff and that's when I had the time But so I could go spend time with my dad So I spent time with my dad and then flew to Florida where I had surgery and it was actually thought this is again I do not advise this it was five days post-op. So I had surgery and Got on a flight from Fort Lauderdale five days later to San Francisco Because my job started on January 3rd and the flight was late So I got in around four in the morning and then started my job at eight in the morning four hours late four hours later Yes, again, I do you if you had told me you probably shouldn't I'll be you know I would not have listened because I don't listen to advice really I have to experience my failures until I learned from them No one can tell tell me otherwise, but I do so I don't advise I think you should really give yourself ten days at least maybe probably something will say 14 would probably be better But that's yeah, but that's how that happened But it was brand new so that happened in December and in fact at Stanford was the first time I used my name Addison Bo and then I announced it to my family and friends in the first week of January and Then yeah, so it was three. It was just within three months. Yeah. Yeah Well, it's thank you for sharing that I know that you often talk about the evolution of your identity And I'm wondering if you could talk about how your Mount Holyoke experience fits into that I Mean I wouldn't I wouldn't I wouldn't be here. We wouldn't be having this come I mean, obviously we wouldn't be having this conversation if I did not go to Mount Holyoke because that would be weird if I was here in this conversation but Who I am I mean my family my family my ancestors of really like Other than my family my ancestors who've just shaped me so much Mount Holyoke is really the next biggest influence in my life. I I'm so grateful that I had the opportunity to come here because This is where all aspects of my identity where I was able to even understand what the possibilities were so in terms of I mean, there's my gender journey if there's also my journey in terms of my consciousness my social consciousness and Liberation as a queer person Foundational and as a feminist as an intersectional feminist The the greatest gift Mount Holyoke gave me I mean, there's so many the the friendships and the connections and obviously the education if I had to say that the Concept that I learned here that has that changed me as a person and changed my whole life is intersectional feminism and the interconnectedness of different forms of oppression and the importance of working in an intersectional way With with all who who are oppressed and all who suffer and the importance of doing that that has been the most transformational thing which then Queer theology and liberation and all this played into that and allowed me to understand who I Gave me the freedom to understand who I was as a person and also a framework for understanding the importance of Being part of honoring everyone's dignity all other people's dignity. So I would say that the technology of intersectional feminism made my gender journey possible and Infuses also my journey with feminism with intersectional feminism So the kind of man I I am There's no other way for me to be in my view than being an intersectional feminist as a man that my journey as a transgender man is connected to and must support the liberation journeys of all because there it's it's all this it's The same violence in different degrees and certainly in different ways But so Mount Holyoke is the is the place where I was introduced to Audrey Lord sherry maraga. Glory Anseldua Where I read Transforming silence into language and action Audrey Audrey Lord's work That happened here When I think of just the things that I read and I was exposed to all of that happened here on these grounds, so I needed those things to To be able to understand myself and to also just have the courage To be myself and to also know there were examples of other people who were being there themselves So I want to talk a little bit more about that experience from the point of view of our intersection Which was your life as a student activist. Yes, right? So How do you think about that activism now and you look you know your activism then your activism now, yes, I Feel very fortunate that I had the opportunity to do that activist work in Service to the institution so I look back at and I feel very fortunate to have been able to play a role and I feel very proud of us I feel there were more than 400 students who were part of that uprising Which on the campus of the size is an extraordinary number. That's how intersectional it was and there was a leadership team of six negotiators of the protests of which I was one and I feel very proud of that group of 400 people and I feel very proud of the group of negotiators Because it was really painful work. It was really hard At least it was hard to us at that time Generally speaking there are people who have had to bite and work a lot harder We were a very cushy privileged institution doing activist work and even though it was very challenging With perspective, okay, you know, it was to some degree challenging. It was an amazing place to learn how to do it So I feel grateful and very proud of us because we we did really great work We have the the two cultural centers and there were other things like for example that aren't often talked about which was at the time one of the policies that had been Suggested was that the average SAT score must be 1300 at the time it was under the old sort of SAT system that had to be sort of the average score was 1300 and and we had really pushed back against that for for the bias and SAT testing and all that and What was amazing is the turnaround that happened is because the the prior president Or the president at the time was the one sort of proposing it and we had been so effective at our activism That I think it was maybe a year and a half or two years later I actually heard her interviewed on NPR talking about why SAT should not even be required anymore And I thought that is wonderful. I agree with her completely So it was so there were all kinds of things that were really neat my mom always says God accomplishes great things through people who don't mind who gets the credit and For many years the as activists because we were suspended It was it was very difficult many of our family members didn't understand and were horrified that we were doing this work My parents learned about it because the Boston Globe was here And there was a photo of me hanging out the window of Mary Lyon because we had occupied a couple buildings And that's how they found it. I hadn't called them to say hey I probably give you a heads up. They saw it on the front page of the Boston Globe and then call us like I'm so sorry I've been really busy To let you know what was happening So so the memory is I feel very proud of us as students and I feel very grateful to the to the organizers and to the students because I really learned so much through the example of the leaders of that protest and I when I think about my own personal journey with it What I'm great so grateful to Mount Holyoke for is that I had this opportunity to learn how to be a leader in that context because I had a lot of learning to do and When I think back on it, I cringe a little bit I'm so proud, you know, I'm proud of myself because I had courage I watched I spent some time for my 20th reunion was a couple years ago in 2019 And so I spent time in the archives, which by the way the archives are amazing. I love the archives So shout out to the archives I think when you come if when people come back for reunion, you've got to go to the archives there's a file on you with cool stuff in it and It was fun to look through the cool stuff in the archives And so I looked up all the protest stuff and basically cried for two days because it was so profound and The person who worked there Micah was just passing me tissues was so kind because I was just sobbing in the In the archives reading about all the footage and I watched one video where I saw myself speak And I was it was like looking at a different person because I was like wow, you know And I'm okay with calling myself. I'm okay with calling myself. She when I watched that That I get to do that because I am me and I get to call myself what I want And I get to refer to myself as I want to be referred to but when I see her this person was she was so Confident and so bold and really said the thing I can't believe I said that you know that I was like I really said the thing you know and So I'm so proud of that and also there were things that honestly I really I'm graceful with myself but there were things I also had to learn and So when I think about what I what I have learned when I look back at that there were things I do wish I had done differently and the word that always comes up the most is grace Because I was really angry. I didn't understand how There were you know coming from the home that I grew up and my parents with both investigative journalists And they were they're really amazing people and I just grew up in a home Where you just did the right thing whatever the right thing was and even with their kids If we didn't do the right thing they loved us my parents loved us unconditionally But they would say you got to do the right thing or we're gonna march you to wherever you need to go and tell Them you need to do the right thing You know it was really so coming into the world realizing that that people didn't do the right thing a lot of time that there There wasn't this orientation around what is justice and how do you? Take part in it was very painful to encounter a place that I loved so much and even people that I really Respected so much who were behaving in ways that were really hard and so I was angry about it and I expressed that anger and it's in ways sometimes That we're not as graceful as I would like I would have liked them to be and I've since learned that and I guess that's what college is for it's to learn and I so I had learning to do plenty of it And that was one of the things I learned so when I look back on it I feel very proud and I also feel grateful to have learned a lot and I wish I had been more graceful at times and the last thing is I also wish I knew is I Had I have such a passion for justice And some of that passion comes from what's happening in the moment But what I didn't know then that I know now is that also some of that passion came from justice that I wanted from other moments Earlier moments in my life that actually had nothing to do with the moment I was in that there was some measure of intensity that I brought to those struggles that was That related to heat to sort of healing work that I actually needed to do But at the same time the fact that I hadn't done that healing work was also why I was so passionate about justice because I knew what it personally what it felt like to to to to be Dominated to be treated unfairly to be hurt to be traumatized to experience violence And so I didn't want that to happen to anyone else and I didn't want an institution I'd love to be part of it, but nonetheless I learned that some of that healing Didn't have to do with Mount Holyoke actually there were other things I needed to heal prior to Mount Holyoke that added to that intensity So that was that was very humbling for me to learn over the years with you know hindsight is 2020 So I guess the short answer is I feel proud and still Contemplative about it. Yeah, sure I know that it hasn't really come up in our conversation, but I know that you along the way earned a degree in counseling I did talk a little bit about that. Yes. So I was deciding So after Mount Holyoke, I did a public policy fellowship the Coro fellowship I lived in New York City, then I moved to Tucson, Arizona and I actually studied bodywork for a little while I like I studied massage therapy and Zen shiatsu, which is acupressure massage because I love the healing arts But then after that I was thinking okay I need to go back I want to go to grad school and I was deciding between I Always been very passionate and very interested in healing just human healing. How do we heal? How do we heal as individuals? How do Institutions heal? How do we behave in ways that are pro healing in the world? And but I've also also been very passionate about the law and justice so I was deciding do I am I going to be a therapist or am I going to be a lawyer and The way I decided it was I thought about the people that I love and mean the most to me And I said do the people I love I mean the most to me Do they need a therapist or a lawyer because I wanted to be useful, you know, I wanted whatever I was going to do I wanted to be useful. So I was like, what are the people I love and need the most and I was like I I'm gonna become a therapist So I decided to become a therapist also a law school. I was a little concerned. I have a learning disability I was also concerned about law school and whether I could do it to be honest I'm now preparing to take the LSAT because I'm still considering going to law school I feel like I would love to be in school forever, but I decided to become a therapist And so I I got my master's degree in counseling and I particularly focused on child and family Therapy and I particularly worked with kids from three to Just shy of 18 like just before a kid turns 18 kids that had experienced childhood sexual abuse and It was just some of the most meaningful work It's like the working with these kids is the closest I felt to just a power greater than myself You know, it's really amazing. So I did and I learned so much. I studied for actually four years It was in grad school that I discovered that I have a learning disability that I'd had at my whole life I was actually born with it a genetic. I have a genetic condition that affects my ability to learn in particular ways So it took me twice as long four years instead of two which I'm proud of myself. I'm very persistent I'm not proud of having to pay for two extra years of grad school Which I'll be paying for probably forever, but I'm proud that I finished it and it was It was a wonderful experience and I loved it and I really learned so much and what I'm grateful for Even though I'm not a practicing therapist now is I am a trauma-informed Person trauma trauma-informed. I'm a trauma-informed coach. I'm a trauma-informed consultant. I'm a trauma-informed friend I'm a trauma-informed stranger you're sitting next to on the at the bus stop and That education was really really valuable because if I could wave a magic wand and set the agenda for the world And there was one if I could pick the one thing that I think would make the biggest difference in the world It would be to focus on on healing trauma healing preventing trauma and healing from trauma because I really think it's where so much Violence comes from is the replication of trauma and cycles of trauma. I Know that our audience. Yes, well one is the time up already. No, no, it's not that I'm a real Yammer, but but I have a question that I asked everyone. Okay, so I am obligated to ask okay And however, you know, you used a word that I like to talk about which is bold, right? So and I certainly remember you as bold. Let me just say But there is a phrase that I learned from one of our alums. Oh a person whose name is Sheila Marcello She described in an interview what it means to be authentically bold And she said when you bring your truest self to the table, you are able to be bold in your own authenticity Which I thought is such a wonderful way to describe boldness not, you know Arrogance but authentically bold when you bring your truest self to the table There's lots of evidence of that kind of authentic boldness in your journey How did your Mount Holyoke experience help you find or deepen that authentic sense of boldness? You know, what a great question. That is a really beautiful phrase authentic boldness It's it's funny because the boldness part I totally I'm like I know what that is But I've been focusing on the authentic part of it. What is authentic? Authentically bold me because there are lots of ways to be bold for all kinds of reasons bold for egoic reasons or bold sometimes Yeah, insecurity can give rise to boldness to sort of compensate But the idea of what it means to be authentically bold you know my So my the family that I come from I was raised by bold people and My parents for sure and the people I come from were like Polish Catholics and Jews. These were like survivors and who were farm workers and factory workers and day laborers and and very Really union organizers on both sides of my family. My dad's dad was union local president My mom's mom was a union local president. They were actually a warring union So it was like a real drama when my dad's Jewish my mom's Catholic. So it was like That they it was a real big deal when I got married But but so I come from these people who are very bold. So I I didn't know that how I was was bold But apparently that is one thing I when I got to Mount Holyoke. I realized I was like, oh wait a second I think I think I must be bold here because I was sort of everywhere and very vocal and Noticed how that was received. So I was like, okay, I got it. So I think I'm Mount Holyoke played a role in Gosh, I mean, this is a place where I felt Safer I don't believe in necessarily safe space, but safer spaces. This is a safer place than I had ever been to really kind of unfurl my wings so to speak and experiment with what boldness meant to try to be bold in different ways and To to accept responsibility for that too the the triumphs and the Consequences of it. So just that I had a place that was all Where students were all women or trans non-binary Gender non-conforming folks. It was a really amazing experience that is just you cannot replicate it I mean to have had the educational foundation that is just so powerful where every person that was in a leadership role Was either a woman or a trans non-binary gender non-conforming person There's something incredible about that So the so Mount Holyoke was a place that said I Mean, it was slight mixed messages. It was like yes, please unfurl your wings and be bold here And then I was like, all right. Well, you know, and it was like, okay, you're suspended, you know All right, wait a minute. No to my whole ex credit after the protests. We were unsuspendant We were there's no suspension, but you know it was it but I think that's also an age-old tale of yes young ones, please You know be yourselves and then when you're yourself like really testing the boundaries of that and then it's like well Wait a minute and now we we feel a little uncomfortable. They're challenging us a lot and yes, that's what we're here for That's why you picked me. That's why you picked you to be here. So But the opportunity to have that tension I think was the big deal I'm not sure if I was able to answer that but I mean there I it's very difficult to express the extent to which Mount Holyoke has influenced my life Mount Holyoke is evident in every decision I've ever made It's evident in every reality of my current life from my identity and having the courage and ability to do that From the work that I do so the work that I do the very first time I ever got a job doing this work is I was one of the first speaking, arguing and writing coaches at the Weissman Center So the Weissman Center is the very first place that I ever was an executive leadership and communication Coach and now I'm doing that in Silicon Valley for CEOs Mount Holyoke's evident everywhere in my friends the people I count on the most in My life they are Mount Holyoke alums the people who have lifted me up when I really needed it We're my family in Mount Holyoke alums So in every which way Mount Holyoke has impacted my life and helped me to feel confident and Supported to be who I am which happens to be bold and I but I would like to say there's lots of ways to be bold You can be bold quiet. This is what I've learned. This is what's awesome about getting older. I love getting older There's really like something at 40. It was really like a little alarm went off and I just mellowed out I was like I woke up that morning. It was like wow something has really changed. I feel much more mellow I really do which is a big deal. I mean you might not tell that I met that mellow by the way I'm talking but this is mellow This is mellow. This is really mellow really mellow and So getting older is awesome because it it It it means that there's so many I've learned that there's so many ways to be a leader That you sure you can have a title and that's there's a lot of responsibility in that but you could I Love being able to be a leader in quiet ways and gentle ways and graceful ways and if necessary In whatever ways are going to accomplish justice But it's nice to have a broader spectrum of how to accomplish that with I have different I have a much bigger volume, you know, there is now a low volume there, you know So so anyways, I just want to say there's a lot of different ways to be bold and to be a leader and in every kind of role and in every way and As many people as there are in the planet That's as many ways as there are to be authentically bold and to be a leader and to be an excellent communicator And so that's really fun to realize and learn. So this is my my way of being bold Which I didn't I wish it didn't have to be bold to be authentic by the way Because I wish we could just I wish being authentic was just something we that we just could be and were that we wish We didn't have to work so hard to be able to be authentic. So the fact that it's bold that's often bold is Interesting to me. Yeah Well, I know we're going to open the floor now for some questions from our audience, great So the floor is open. I Think Addison's given us a lot to think about My name is Mai. I don't have a question for you, but I just wanted to say that like I'm such a gendered but I have a lot of trans non-binary friends and Sometimes like especially like as they're graduating I get this fear that like are we just like in a bubble where like There are identities of being respected and like it like what happens when they like leave this campus And so to hear like an alum like for you to be here in trans and have so many successes and With your experience like being trans and being affirmed by like your workplace and just overall Really nice to hear so thank you for sharing my thank you thank you for for sharing I really appreciate it and You are in a bubble. Enjoy it. I mean, I that's how I felt I wasn't a bubble Yes, it is a bubble. It is a bubble and it's a really important bubble To the yeah, and it's not a perfect bubble. No No institution no person is no institution is and It's a really my experience here was Just one of the most profound blessings of my life and at times it was painful. It was a painful blessing but yes, there there it is different here it really is and Ideally the best parts of this place and the possibilities that were opened up are ones that I bring with me into the world So I bring Mount Holyoke with me everywhere the possibilities that Mount Holyoke sort of poured into me hopefully I Offer that the sense the spirit of possibility everywhere else and I will also say as Because I was I was always a very sort of masculine presenting Person It has you know, I don't want to say the journey has been There it The journey has not always been it's been very difficult at times It really has and even among other alums sometimes being a trans guy As my holy oak alum has it brings its challenges There are some really hard painful conversations and interactions that I've had Which isn't unique to my holy oak alums. It's just being in the world as it as a trans non-binary person So it's been hard and at times. I will tell you When it's been hard, you know who helped me feel better and you know who laughed with me and supported me and loved me Were my holy oak alums? So I just want to say that that it is challenging. I Guess I also want to say that It's really important to stay connected. So after Mount Holyoke I will say really my holy oak alums some of the most important people in my life And that's not it didn't I mean honestly sometimes I just feel really lucky because I would just bump into friends on the street Just miraculously it was really weird Like I went through like one of the worst breakups of my life And I was sitting I was standing on the sidewalk after the place that I had rented with my partner We broke up and moved out and I had just shown the new people who were can now live in this like dream place that Had previously held this dream of this relationship And so they I showed them the place and they were going to rent it And then they they drove off and I was just standing on the sidewalk on the corner of Washington 15th and R and Washington DC just like staring at this empty house that I currently inhabited for the next two weeks and Walking I'm just standing there and walking at like nine o'clock at night walking down the street was one of my dearest friends from out Holyoke Carrie Shide, and I just looked at her and said are you Carrie Shide? And of course she was Carrie Shide. I knew she was Carrie Shide, but that was like all I got that I was really are you really Carrie Shide and she said yeah, how are you doing? I said, what are you doing here? She was she lives in Austin She was in town on business and just happened to be walking by my and she's like how are you? I was like actually And she was like oh wow do you want to get some coffee? I was like yeah Could we talk you know and there's like one of my dearest friends and so it was just an amazing So this stuff happens all the time, but but there's also very intentional staying in touch So I think that if I could just say it's a really important thing to do is stay in touch with the people you love here Other questions My time here at Mount Holyoke, I've found myself specifically this semester in like a lot of hopelessness I might get emotional And just like how to work through that And you know my mother so I feel like sometimes it's hard I think having conversations about it when I think I'm talking to someone that to me seems like is never hopeless And I'm sure that's not accurate it but just like coming from you know being the daughter of an activist Just like working through that has been really hard for me And it's also you know like I think part of it is my own experiences that bring when you're talking about Like what I've motivated you to like Missed it like make all these changes off campus or be part of this kind of change a lot of it had to do with like past That has happened so I think like from the beginning of time You know I mean first like encounter racism when I was like four So I think like and you know has been throughout my whole life. So I think it's just like I'm getting to a point this semester Yes Seat Lali, thank you. Thank you for sharing everything you just shared. I love you and I love your mother So see Lali's mother is Fabiola the karate chair and She See Lali's mother is one of the biggest really in terms of Mount Holyoke student influences She's There's there are two points in my Mount Holyoke experience where Fabiola really Absolutely changed my life. I really wouldn't be the person I am I wouldn't have the views and opinions and thoughts that I have without your mother without Fabiola and One of them was when I just got to Mount Holyoke and hopefully that this will answer your You know just not answer your question because they're it's it's a conversation It's to join you in in the experience and and to be in conversation around a Just an experience right because this is something we have to Be together and wrestle with because none of us individually has any of these answers. It's just hard So I think this is part of the answer is just staying in conversation you vocalizing it You vocal having the courage and the capacity to vocalize it and just us being together in the question You know, but one of the moments with your mom was when I first got to Mount Holyoke I had some limiting beliefs beliefs that limited myself my thoughts of myself and my beliefs were limiting in terms of others too I there I had some miss, you know, I Had some understandings that were wrong that I didn't yet know about and There were an ignorance. There were just things. I didn't know that I didn't know But with but I had a ton of enthusiasm about what I didn't know And what I did not I mean it was just endless enthusiasm and certainty about whatever I did think Whether how however wrong I later determined it was But when I first got to Mount Holyoke, I I had very different views Frankly than I do now And yet I was very drawn to several leaders on campus. Your mom was one of them Sarita Gupta was another so Sarita went on to be and is a major figure in the labor movement a big leader in the labor movement And others and I was drawn. I had very different views. I was very drawn and There was a conference that was about to happen. It was the United States student association Grow training grassroots organizing workshop and I for some reason I really wanted to go and so I expressed with authentic boldness that I wanted to go to this conference where there were a limited number of people who could go and There was a conversation among the organizers of this because I really had very different views so here I was proposing to go to this conference and Could have potentially really been a disruptive or sort of saboteur in some way because of my views And so there was a conversation about whether or not I should be allowed to go Which was absolutely within their power and right to decide they got to decide and I think it was your mom Who got the short straw that had to give me the news of whether I could go or not because she she was the one who gave Me the message of And she was amazing. She sat me down and she said Listen, we've talked about this and look we we have some concerns because of some of the things you've said and some of the Views you seem to have but we believe that you're there's there's something else going on in your heart that that gives us hope that actually With with some more information. You might have a different perspective So you can go to the conference, but there's one condition that you not say anything when you go there That you just listen That you go there to listen and not speak Now you can tell based on today, and I'm actually really trying to be brief But it is not my strong suit but back in my whole yoke that I Was really really vocal so from you know This was not I had really not shown any capacity to not talk But there but I loved I just loved and respected your mom from the minute I met her because she's so powerful and just so strong and so graceful and So smart That this is why I was drawn to this group of folks and so I said okay I'll do it and so I went to this conference and I did not say a word and I I'm so glad that I Whatever capacity I had to just be humble and just say nothing right in part It was because I I realized as soon as I got there and I started listening and Learning I realized how many things I I realized how much ignorance that I had brought to some conversations How much superficial understanding I had how little critical race theory I had been exposed to and really how wrong I was in a lot of ways and I would I am so deeply grateful for the opportunity to have found out how wrong I was Because it was tough. It really was tough love But it was love was really love so Your mom Had that not happened. I really don't know what my views could have been but I'm so grateful So she she has given me the same thing about the hopefulness I mean honestly had she not had a little hope Despite some of the things that I had said if she did not have some sense of what my heart was I Would not be sitting right here. You and I wouldn't even know each other But she did and because she did I became better because she because she Gave me a loving opportunity to change my views. I became better So I want to just affirm your hopelessness I can't I it makes a lot of sense to me and I can really relate to feeling hopeless first for a Decade solid at one point my 20s. I would say we're solidly hopeless I felt solidly depressed and hopeless for the entire decade of my 20s for sure and So I don't want to say that there needs to be a fix I just I Don't want to say your feelings need to be fixed. There's really good reasons that you feel hopeless. There's a there's really Terrible sad rhetoric and violence of all kinds and you the experiences you've had in your life it As you've described, you know when you're for as your first memory of experiencing racism I mean that's that's really upsetting and really sad. So I don't want to fix your feelings of hopelessness I just want to offer empathy that it's really hard what you're going through is really hard And I can only say my own experience of hopelessness the only thing that helps me to feel better is My spiritual life is a center of my life I don't you know, you can call it love whatever makes the flowers and plants grow the cosmos the universe God Love I'm comfortable with all those words that that helps me and how I experience it with other people that I really care about and Respects of connection this really saying connected and doing what you're already doing which is expressing your feelings Because I definitely don't have an answer for the hopelessness just that I love you and I admire you and respect you and Your parents just want you to be happy. So I hope you don't feel too much pressure They just want you to be yourself and do what you want to do and be happy So and it's not all on you, you know, we didn't singularly break this We can't singularly fix it. We can only do it. That's what Mount Holyoke taught me We can only do it together With lots of different people who are willing to stick together and have each other's backs and go through the hard times So that's really all I got see Lally. I Want to take this opportunity to just say how wonderful it has been to have you here I know our time is running short. Yeah, I promised you. Yes So for those of you who are wondering what did I promise? Addison and I had a pre-conversation in preparation for this and then Addison said, can I ask you some questions? And I said if we have time maybe one or two. Yes Which I really appreciate yeah in part because of the major Influences who are professors at my time at Mount Holyoke I took two classes with you intergroup dialogue and the psychology of racism and in these classes This is where I've read for the first time unpacking the invisible knapsack Peggy Mcintosh doctor Peggy Mcintosh That really it's such a huge impact and intergroup dialogue just the idea of deconstructing my own preconceived notions of other people and so you're such a powerful influence in my life and Your presence as a leader. I was always observing your way of being I learned so much from your way of being Because you described things so Gracefully and I had I had a lot of learning to do and the way you facilitate it was just such a consummate educator with just So much precision and so measured and also with care But also like real firm and direct to you know all the above So I so I just have such deep respect and admiration for you that I really couldn't imagine a conversation where I got I Answered questions because there's so much. I want to ask you and so much. I want to know about you So I appreciate at least getting one question. All right, so the one question I think a lot about especially in the context of institutional leadership. There's so many ways to be a leader, but Institutional leadership, it's a different kind of level of the different skills at a level of responsibility, but I'm curious to hear your thoughts on the strengths You bring to institutional leadership and then what qualities you've had to develop To be the kind of leader that you want to be That's a great question a great question and I would say For me one of the things you don't have to be a psychologist to be a leader But being a psychologist helps a lot Because Having you know been trained as a clinical psychologist one of the things is that you learn a lot about What motivates people, you know why people do the things they do? As someone once said to me, you know, it's much easier to deal with people when you understand them, right? So so that kind of understanding that comes through psychology is very helpful has always been helpful to me But particularly being a clinical psychologist one of the things you learn as a clinical Psychologist is how to listen to people and I think you know, it's one of the things that I have Heard through your story is the power of learning to listen And I think the training I got as a clinician even before I became a professor Has just really helped me because I have learned a lot about listening That said What I had to grow into I think is being Center stage because I am an introvert by nature and Really enjoy my own company And you know in a role like this you spend a lot of time with other people, right? So you have to learn how to balance your need for solitude with the demands of you know being center stage a lot of the time Yeah, that's so cool to hear. I just feel like sometimes we don't hear a lot about the inner lives of Sort of higher-profile leaders, you know, there's it seems to be so much emphasis on I don't know. I'm guessing the higher profile of a leader you have the more responsibility kind of the Sometimes the less you can say or but I it's just so helpful to hear You're about your humanity as a leader. You like solitude. Yeah, may I ask one follow a question about the So in terms of listening How is listening so helpful in terms of being leader? What does it enable or what does what is it? What does it allow you to do the more that you listen? I Think if you're listening carefully to other people one of the things you can understand is Why they're doing what they're doing? Whatever that thing might be, right? And so there's something there's a concept in Psychology called the fundamental attribution error, right and for those of you who haven't taken psych 101 lately The fundamental attribution error is that problem that occurs when we make when we make the wrong Attribution to what is motivating someone, right? So if I'm just gonna use a simple example if somebody is speeding Right and they get pulled over for speeding We might say that person was you know driving recklessly irresponsible that it's a bad driver, right? But maybe they were speeding because you know their child is sick at school and they're trying to get there quickly There's a family emergency of something, you know, there's something about the situation that is bringing out this particular behavior It's not that they're irresponsible person or reckless or any of those things when we are Doing something we always explain our own behavior in the context of our circumstance, right? You know, I was late for the meeting because of this circumstance But when somebody else is late for the meeting They're rude. They're inconsiderate. They kept me waiting. Do you know that we tend to attribute? other people's behavior to something about their Personality, but we tend to explain our own behavior in terms of our situation, right? But if you're listening carefully to someone you will start to understand their situation Which makes you less vulnerable to making that common error, I Love it. That's such a beautiful succinct calm explanation. This is why I love being in your class It's like I don't understand this and it's like well here is the architecture of it's like so you're just like thank you That was great. They asked one more I'm sorry. Okay. I'm gonna have to go. Well, okay. I think we all have to go. Okay, sorry But tell me what it is just because I'm curious. Okay, so the question I'd answer it. Okay fair enough the question is So, you know, you love solitude, but you still do it You still do the role because you presumably there are reasons that you love it or you like to do it Or that you appreciate about it. So what is it that you love about it? What drives what drives you to to to be an institutional leader in this particular way? What do you love about it? I like solving problems You know fundamentally, you know, I I mean I like doing puzzles I like you know, I like solving problems and I like the fact that every day is different. Oh I have a low threshold for boredom and so this is to say that You know, my my team will recognize this expression never a dull moment So but fundamentally, I think as you said, you know, you wanted to be a therapist because you wanted to make a difference you know anyone who wants to make a difference if you see a problem you want to solve it and And that has always been a motivator for me Isn't it so fun to learn I love it. Wow. I love it Yes, with that, I'm gonna ask you one Sentence a piece of advice you want to leave this audience with Love yourself Love yourself fiercely. You are lovable. You are worthy of love. You deserve love. Love yourself appreciate yourself love yourself in good times love yourself when you're learning and In challenges love yourself when you're making mistakes love yourself when you're doing your best love yourself when you're doing your worst Just love yourself you're worth it and also I'm a strategist because I believe when we love ourselves It's it makes a lot easier to love and understand other people and how we treat others as a reflection of what goes on in our Own in our world so love yourself because you deserve it and also it'll be easier to love other people and it feels good And it's fun Please join me