 Oh And that's what your mom had to go through to conceive you you selfish fuck extra on the dollop. We live man live Welcome to Martin Michael Flee Sure Episode number seven. All right. We are fucking it's seven episodes deep We're nearly a quarter of the way through the season already hasn't that gone fast Something's wrong with my chair We have had the fucking week of hell like Michael's chairs fuck this is broken Matt you fucked it Jackson must have broken when he stole your stuff Extra on the dollop We've had yeah, it's been a fucking it's been a lot life has really thrown some shit at us Yeah, wow we got fucking Julian here and he's girlfriend Stella. He's girlfriend Stella Hutchinson Hutchinson Hutchinson they're a couple and they the date they're together and they're in love They're sitting over there, but last week. Yes, so Remember the the high blood pressure thing. Well, I had to wear that to that 48 hour Halty thing turns out. I've got some weird fucking What's it called heart pulse thing it's like a something block a Cardio ascia fuck I can't believe I've forgotten the fucking name of it It's some weird name right and well basically what it means is that a part of my heart That's not meant to be doing shit is trying to set the pace for my heart when it really it's the other one That should be setting the other part of the heart that should be setting the pace So my butt my heart beats super hard to try and like override that other little bit and turns out I'm probably gonna have to go on fucking medication for the rest of my life We don't know that yet. Okay to get the blood pressure down So that that's what started the week so we found that out and it was a bit fucking terrifying But then I went and had a heart ultrasound and my heart looks okay So like it'll just be the medication and there's nothing else. That's not a hundred percent sure yet. Yeah Well, the blood pressure is still super high, so I'm pretty sure I'm gonna have to be We can back block that's the fucking way is your mic on man. I couldn't hear you then I Can't hear you in my ears. Can't hear you here, mate. You fucking you Matt Really you're gonna throw this on top of all of the issues. We've had already this week and you haven't even signed up I'm sure we've got you. We've got Stella here, dude So there's a girl can't hear a word you're fucking saying still is a fucking girl Yeah Still as a girl. We'll wait how about now. Yep. Gotcha So that's like Monday Tuesday. That's all happening, right? So quite stressful when it's something to do with your heart then Wednesday Thursday rolls around and Bosley starts getting real fucking weird like he copycated you Yeah, I literally because usually when I'm sick or like hungover or something He'll literally just do nothing and just lie with me all day I thought it was like a sympathy fucking sickness But then he just kept getting worse and worse until he couldn't even fucking walk and he was just lying there Huge fever shit coming out of his eyes. He was just like oh, man. It just it was just fucked So I got the vet over and they didn't couldn't really figure out what was wrong with him So they just started him on antibiotics. He wasn't getting better had to take him to the vet and they put all these IV drips in him for the day and turns out it was a he had a liver infection and he only just fucking pulled through and now He's finally starting to recover and now he's nearly nearly He's probably at like 60% I would say now, but he's you can tell that he's getting better now So fuck me it has been so that over the weekend the fucking it's been raining in Australia in fucking Queensland in New South Wales non-stop, so we haven't been able to fucking film properly week straight The hopefully tomorrow can film the fucking hockey episode. Maybe we should build an arc. Yeah, well, we have one Just on the corner of your house here Yeah, is that still there? Yeah. See you just haven't taken it the pumpkin patch is like grown over the boat That's good. It's well hidden then So yeah, other than that. Yeah, it's just been this fucking flooding in New South Wales There's fucking rivers are fucking really high here. We're gonna go Go boating down there stormwater drains today, but it's just raining too hard. You can't film Anyway, that's our week. How's yours been Yeah, not too bad fucking fuck day Michael had to have a break so we could get a new chair and he's decided to do the old back-to-front chair Remember like the cool kids. Huskies flip chair. Julian's jerking off Julian. He had his dick out stellar He actually had his dick out then very fucking disgusting. I can't handle this. That's fucked Julian. This is a workplace You are an employee. Hey, I could get you done for sexual assault Matt What would happen at wholesome if you had your dick out and during a board meeting and stood up? What would happen? I've been trouble Hear that Julian because you edit and shit doesn't mean you're off the whole fuck face. I can't believe Did you showed us your dick outside ours only wildly inappropriate? Anyway, and then he was yelling at Justin Ryan to show his dick. He's asking other people to get naked. He's not on He's going to murky waters Yeah, he's being missed. Anyway, let's segue from that to our sponsors So first of all, um, oh by the way before we even fucking get on that right now And while you're listening to this the action sports episode came out yesterday. It's a fucking good one It's probably our favorite so far. Yeah, it was my it was the funnest and very scary So fucking go and have a fucking watch of that before you take another fucking step forward come and Anyway, this podcast is proudly brought to you by man scaped. All right If you want to buy any grooming shit, they got cool undies They got razors that will not cut your sack skin. All right, they won't cut it Use our discount code fully actual for 20% off So if you need some shit, just go to the website and buy some shit using the discount code because you get 20% off You may as well. All right, and yeah, they got heaps of cool shit They got mops for your cock and balls. They got the shaver the Michaels using right now They got like they'll send you like a cool little bag with undies and all sorts of shit Just go have a look. All right manscape.com discount code fully actual and of course the other sponsor Can you fuck off come? Can you fucking fuck off come? The other sponsor of course is the University of Markle One of the fastest growing as entertainment streaming services in the entire world It has the most cutting edge entertainment on it, right and And you don't believe me you can fucking sign up for free for 21 days and check it out yourself It just took over the National Geographic. It just took over the National Geographic Like it's covered it completely and if you don't believe us Go click the link have a look if you don't agree that we've just overtaken the national sign up But you can sign off later sign off before the 21 days for free if you don't fucking agree with me right now All right, man Oh, you probably don't agree you fucking bag of shit. What are you guys talking about? You know exactly what we're fucking talking about you get you slimy fucking we can get to look at something Julian this is only okay if we ask for it. Okay, you can't just show Matt give us a nip give us a bum give us a ball No, I'm not feeling it. Maybe give us the upper thigh. Just a little fucking part of this in a bit up a thigh And I'll jiggle it a bit for me. I like when it jiggles I love even what if I just jiggle a bit in front of you just yeah jiggle a bit of the thigh. Yeah, I'm okay with that Like grab it hard pretend and I'll pretend it's my hand try and pop it and basically no, okay? Why? You haven't done this Just a little jiggle. Yes. I think that's respectful Come on man, dude if you don't do this then you have to do that Yeah, yeah, one leg ups put it up like that and then bang bang bang bang and grab it with your hand It can you got tight on these on yeah Fucking now man Alright fucking what do we got on this episode? We got the fucking the German segment we got PO box We got sent a butt fuck load of shit. We got the bloody prank call. We got bloody questions and Fucking there's some fucked up stories some people For what crime are they crimes? Okay? Yeah, and we got the crime segment fuck me man Keep sending them in because I haven't seen any for a while, but I've got some saved All right, but first of all Matt Had on this day go this week. It took a while took a while. Yeah, so this is like This is probably the most legitimate ones. I've ever found and are you going to continue with your eye? Yeah, it says I can see a diary entry What did you not mean to oh shit Yeah, cuz I think it uploads from like your iCloud or something onto the on this day is it's not a base And then I get your diary entries in so anyway, but entry points look We'll start reading it and you know if it's one that you're not comfortable with the whole world Scream out or the last kind of you have to scream if you don't scream out we won't stop Yeah has to be a scream out All right on this day in 2010 Katie Perry admitted that her song fireworks is based on an experience She had as a teenager the lyric baby. You're a firework was exactly what she said to a newborn baby She came across after its father strapped 10 kilograms of fireworks towards body She said baby You're a firework as the father lit the fuse and she watched this screaming baby launch up into the sky at great speeds and Explode in an incredible array of wonderful colors It was the most beautiful It was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen she said I was always wondering where that I thought it was like an inspirational song But that makes more sense. It's like a literal Baby, you're a firework There you go the things you learn Yeah You don't understand that one. No, I didn't get it. She's married to Orlando Bloom bullshit Yeah, Lord of the Rings Elfman. When did that happen? I'm so out of the loop Yeah, I'm a kid man. They've had like nine kids. Dude. Don't you follow Daily Mail? Yeah The Daily Mail might be quite interested in this diary entry actually Matthew Brown. Is it just coming up now? Yeah, it's just loading into my on this day Schedule and it's loaded on this day in 2018 diary entry number 975 from Matthew Gregory Brown My heart was pounding had she seen me I Pressed my body further into the hedge the twigs scratch my back, but the adrenaline helped numb the pain I heard the window close above me then silence She didn't see me Relief flooded my body and my lust instantly returned I quietly stood and peeked through her now closed window and continued pulling at my little brown She was out of the shower now and drying her hair Pleasure string shot out of my end and I smeared it on the window I smiled another successful evening observing my precious soon my brown will be in her town Holy shit, that's that's gonna change shit. The world is fucking there's a comet that's just exploded We're gonna fucking live forever Did you want to cut that one or you're all with that one? That's a good one. No caught up. Oh my god, dude that fixed shit up in the world Everything got cleaner or the plastic in the ocean like half of it's gone. I'm pretty sure that's a him stalking a girl Brown in town What did you think? I just like that? I only heard rhymes and they got me excited You should listen a rat right Julian the rhyming elements the rhyming and rap is on turntablism What a fire on this day in 1942 Harrison Ford was a bubble floating around China or one of them ones Manscaped No, that's on these days this week You're all about manscaped and can thank Michael for that very rude very rude to halfway through and on this day You know how hard Matt works on these? I didn't know it made noise This is my part of the podcast and then you just Sponsors two and a half on this day today unbelievable. Anyway moving right along to the next segment I am so furious right now that I'm shaking Look at that You really are Matt bring on the next bloody segment mate cuz I'm about to blow a fuse mate. I'll tell you what Next said my hand is questions and that's what we've renamed it to first question is from a Sabrina How did Matt like the golf remake of himself and did he sign up to the website yet? No, he has not fucking signed up to the website I'll free make the other golfing video the golf video of where Matt Matthew Matt playing golf Matt down. I believe she sent us a golf Remail where she added some Yeah, yeah, she started redoing the actual pranks, but thank you Sabrina. I Spoked her on discord the other night Yeah, we've got a discord if you want to sign up to the university you can go to the discord chat Just whenever you want anyway moving on. She does funny little German words like you. Is she German? Yeah, dude She sounds different. She's a higher higher speed The Germans are at the very variant as you know, they're at the you know They're at the top next question is from defy underscore you Have you have either of you ever attempted a Guinness world record Yes, we attempted the Guinness world record not blinking We attempted What else do we do was chicken nuggets ever eaten most chicken I got most blueberries in the mouth We haven't tried most for a Ferrero Rocher's in a minute. It's like it's like no It's like seven dude. Yeah, if you just if you could open your gullet far enough I can a chick like a maybe a porn star who's used to relaxing a throat Just fucking inhale them down like that when you breathe it into your lungs, you know, but there's guys who do it with pool balls Remember whoa, there's that Guinness book record that go. You've seen the dudes that can fucking like smash hot dogs down their throats Yeah, that too That would hurt Dolop next question is from Christophe Good minutes good minutes After coronavirus has gone away. Have you guys ever considered opening up an on these days agency to handle the real journalism? Well, well, that's up to you Matt. What do you think it's too? top Time-consuming or will you be able to sustain your level of research for the end of time? Can't I'll hire Julian to help me. Oh, yeah, maybe that's why you started sliding in for your diary entries now And then because it's like less labor intensive. It's already stuff that's written and to be honest It's your pre-work quite interesting quite interesting so far a bit fucked But yeah, you're brown in town next question is from Johnny Pepper. Who's your favorite tennis player? Off these days don't really follow it anywhere near as much as we used to probably like feds I guess he's just a freak. It's fun to watch how good he is and fucking Yeah, that's about it these days Really have one now. Yeah, it used to be Layton and Marit Saffin and Carlos Moya Yeah, dude, you like the Spanish man. Yeah, why cuz he's got Western. Well, you like the Western the spinny puts on the ball High off the court. Good boy. He's saying it correctly. Good boy. Next question is from punter 92 Um Can you boys add a comment section to the website by any chance? Yes, it'd be good to see what people write under each video That's coming with the clan. Yeah, I think that's coming with the app, which we don't really have an update on just yet We're finding a new app developer and things are very slow Things are very slow bear with this guys. Next question is from Deegan is from Brian Um, do you have four skins? Yep, I got a four skin But um, it's like sometimes it's hard to tell cuz my knob is so massive that the four skin just naturally comes back a bit You've seen it. Mm-hmm. What do you think? Yeah? It's it's good Michael has like too much four skin Michael has more four skin than penis it turns out. It's like When you have a sock hanging off the end of your foot like it's not on properly It's like half on your foot and half dangling That's what Michael's dick is like it's like it's connected. It's just a big ball sack I saw Michael piss once and it comes out like a hose. It's not quite turned on yet. Yeah Yeah, it comes out like a sprinkler. Yeah, because the four skin is so long. Yeah It actually sometimes it goes into the balls. Yeah, his balls swell with urine Next question is from Nick Gagnon Gagnon. Yeah, Gagnon. You're saying that perfectly. Yeah If you had a million dollars for a day, how would you spend it? Oh probably I'd go to No, it was just for one day what and then after that you have to give whatever you bought back Man, I'd go to movie world and shout is all the day to movie world. Yeah No, I could win while man when wall is way sad, right? I'd probably try and do all three See world get us one of those holiday passes. Yeah, that's what I do next question is from Cole. Ah Does anything ever offend you guys? Is there ever a line? Does anything offend you? I think like if people try and hurt you personally Maybe that's when it's like if someone walked up me and said Marty. I find you so fucking Ugly and I think you're a fucking fuck with it like that would hurt my feelings but but things like The people get offended at fucking everything these days like fucking if someone was to you know make fun about something Like me being where I'm from or or something. It's all it's like stop. Don't be sad at that Just fucking shut up and move on it is a choice to be offended God if you make a big deal about something You're the fucking problem. Yeah, and a lot of the things we say it jokes And so if it's said in a anything is said in a joking way, it's fine because it's a fucking joke Yeah, I agreed and if you choose to be offended you're the fuck with that causes all the drama by blowing up So to answer your question the only thing that would possibly ever offend us is if you came to us and very Seriously sat us down and explained all the things that are wrong with us or I guess that's a salt if you hear them Yeah, assaulting us would also offend us. Oh, I reckon yeah, maybe like a slap is okay I had a guy a fan come up to me a Week ago and he literally like you owe me money. Can't She was like a scary dude. I was like fuck. What do you mean? What's wrong with you? You owe me fucking money like just kept getting scarier and scarier. Did you say why you owe anyone? I was like, what for do I don't even know you he's like you owe me money. I was like, holy shit I thought he was gonna take a swing, but then he's like nah, I'm just kidding and I was offended That's a terrible story that offends me Next question is from Zach. Would you boys ever play tennis against each other with a punishment for the loser? Yeah, we have been playing a bit of tennis slightly again being fucking getting back in what wait until we get a little bit better So the live streams aren't dog shit boring and we haven't been able to play because of the fucking rain Also, we organized the fucking tennis episode for which sport is the scariest and we've got James Duckworth who's like top hundred in the world and his coach Wayne Arthas who we used to watch growing up Freakishly massive serve So we're gonna get ring. It's gonna hurt like a lot. Do you know what I mean? Like a fast serve to Well over 200 case now And that's just gonna sit sit right in your gut there come Next question is from David O'Neill Have you ever considered uploading the other unedited version of the podcast to the website? You guys aren't you really not missing out on much. I know it probably seems like fuck What are they saying that they can't post but like it's just something shocking like There's stuff that you get cancelled for yeah Yeah, like stuff that like that someone could see and then just like screen record or something and then send to the Daily Mail And then our careers are over just shit like that. It's nothing. It's not a big deal. Yeah Don't stress you guys. This is like we're getting like 98% of it And sometimes they just pauses in conversation because Michael doesn't forgets where we are or doesn't know what's going on And then we just cut that that silence out Extra on the dollop Next question is from Dean Nammal Now that you've verified on Instagram. Do you plan on drunk messaging celebs? Yeah, we've done that already man Hey, we did it before we were verified and now we're verified. So I'm sure that Some of those people have seen the old messages we sent to a man. Hey No, but the hunt we've got we've decided what we're gonna try and do for the hunt this weekend Spin Next question is from Christina 82 Jones Is there ever oh, sorry, what question do you both? Oh, sorry, she's written this funny So basically she's saying is there a question that that anyone hasn't asked you yet that you'd love to be asked What's your favorite color They actually smell like K today. I want it in your eyes. Don't close them Um, what's the question? Oh, yeah, I can't think of that There's nothing that I really want to tell about myself, but sometimes we're like, oh, that's a really good question Like the only thing I'm probably really most proud of you guys already know and that's being number nine in the world for worms Armageddon to Yeah, that was pretty good Last question is from a ducking Would you guys raise your kids the same way your parents raised you? No? Yeah You take little bits from it. Yeah, you take the good and then you leave the bad out and then sometimes you amplify the bad Let's see what happens Bathwater's too hot is it leave it in there for a while I Can cook the counterbeat counter That's questions. Yeah, all right, all right, let's fucking let's open some shit It's Christmas. Is that when we do it now on this one now? Um, usually we do the hunt and then you All right, we figured out what we're gonna try and do all right, so fucking It's been a few years it's been a long long time and Michael and I we've been worried about this individual You know, we haven't seen him. No, he's been he's been looking good He looks good, but the skills that he had once upon time. It's like it. Can you still do that? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, fuck. So what we're trying to do, right? We want to check if Shane worn International well Australian The best spin ball Early god I'm attracted to her. She looks amazing at her. She looks better the older she gets so Shane worn We want to check if he can still spin So that is the new hunt All right, what we want and this will this will prove That he can is he needs to send us a video like Hamish and Andy or Andy. Thank you Andy of him Spinning around in a circle and that will show that he can still spin Like he used to he's he's dubbed the spin King for anyone in America who doesn't know who fucking Shane worn is I'm sure everyone else does so where we want him to Send us a video that he can still spin Understand that makes sense everyone now. We need your fucking help. Okay, we've DM'd him a while ago You didn't see it. Yeah, still hasn't seen it. No, and he's not he's not very active on Social media, so we're gonna have to get creative here and he's active on Tinder once wasn't he? Yeah, he was yeah So didn't we see him on Tinder once? Yeah So he is Last time he posted was the 9th of March. What's the date now? 23rd. Yeah, so it's been ages so so next well even now fuck it We need everyone now. All right pause the pause the video after I finish this sentence We need all of you to go and comment on his latest post Check Marty and Michaels DM. I'm gonna fucking put a comment on there right now on his latest post Saying hey, mate. Can you check our DM and then I want everyone to comment on that fucking post It's a photo of him holding up talking about his gin or some shit. All right. Um, hey, mate Check our DM. It's very oh wait. It's very and I'll put very Wait, we haven't asked him to spin yet important We've just initiated a hello and we think I just want him to see it as soon as he sees it Then we got a little slither snake in the door and we've got a week anyway until this comes out Yeah, so fuck me mate. So yeah, that's the plan. All right. We want Shane We want to send us a video of himself spinning. I Don't think he's gonna do that Why right? No, why? I don't know. I just like if someone can you it's just it doesn't look cool To stand and spin in a circle. Oh Man, it would be so good. It would be very good But I like it if he keep his head like looking at the camera and then quickly wrap it around and look back Oh, no, he or he just keeps his head in one spot, but he's body twists. Yeah, so his neck gets all coiled Oh, he's his head just twists Imagine if he just stood there and didn't even spin He just did it that quick that we couldn't even see him spinning. Yeah, so we're gonna leave it up to him We just want him to spin something even if it's a spinner or a ball. I'll take a spinning ball That's what he used to do. So you know, I haven't seen him spin anything for a while. I want we're just checking guys That's why we're doing that. We're checking just checking that everything's okay with him because I see him on all the comments commentary shit He doesn't even see never spins anymore. Well, he doesn't even spin like the pen in his hand. Yeah Yeah, it's just like like like this like that. I have seen I have seen this a bit sometimes when his mouth is closed. Oh Right. Well, he can still spin that but that's not obvious So like you don't know what that is that could be something else I've never seen that if I've seen that I never would have started this hunt You need to tell me that sort of shit. He's spinning. Does that look like it's spinning? It's more of a roll So he's rolled but he hasn't spun yet. So anyway, that's what we're gonna try and do what do you think he's middle name is? Collie? Oh so close Shane's You have to whisper it Worn oh Liz Hurley. What what is it Keith Keith Shane Keith urban SK urban No, it's worn SK worn SK one So that's the hunt guys We're gonna fucking to hit tackle this challenge head on and we're gonna fucking get warning to check if he can still spin If he doesn't send anything, I guess that means that he can't spin and he's a bit self-conscious about it Yeah, that's true, and it's like I know it's not okay. If you don't do it Fuck oh Dude, I just I saw that fly up and I thought it was coming at me Shane worn All right. Anyway Help us out with the hunt guys. That's all of it this week. That's our update claps Della All right on to on to Christmas time Well, why don't why don't look look at fucking Julian sitting over there You just can't wait to tell us this story. He's got a big smile on his face How about he come and tell you love this? He says he's been Presence saying to us for weeks. Please. Let me tell this story. Please please I just want to come on the podcast and tell this story, please I just want people to I want to be on the podcast. It's a such a good podcast Marty Please it shakes my shirt and shit. I'm gonna need it soon Julian soon I say that and push him away So Julian has a story that he wants to tell you guys and it might explain a little bit about why he is the way he is Welcome Julian. Oh, that's enough Julian That's enough All right, Julian start go go start the story. Okay when I was younger I was snooping around my parents room for Christmas make sure they can see your face. Can you see his face Matt? Matt. Yeah, okay. I was snooping around my parents room for Christmas parents I was looking for Christmas presents and I was looking in the cupboard where they usually keep them and I found a box And it was a nice big box and it had tapes DVDs and just weird wrapping of stuff and I was like, oh, it's presents But it was a bunch of porno's and sex toys. How old were you? How old were you? I was probably like 14 Oh, what? I'm not younger Mate, just maybe 16 say 12. I was 9 So like last year. Yeah, yeah, it was six months ago And um, yeah, so I was looking around the cupboard and I found this box full of sex toys and DVDs And at the top was a cassette tape with the name Fleet that kind of it. Yeah, and I was like, oh, that's my parents names. Oh, I was like, what's this cassette tape? Not a cassette tape of VHS or whatever the fight Videotape videotape. Yeah, and I'll videotape and it had my parents names on it And I was like, what could this be a little bit of a surprise. It was a better Christmas present than anything Were you ready? Did you want to have a bat as well? Let me tell the fucking story Michael Anyway, so I've taken it down to my room and in my room I had like a DVD and tape player and I've put it in and I've started watching it and it turns out it was a sex tape of my parents fornicating Seeing my dad put his cock into my birthplace and you watch the whole thing. No, only 15 Did you get a heart at all? Did you pause it? Let me get So I'm watching it and it started off with like my mom coming over after she's obviously just set up the Camera on the tripod crawling over sex leading your father She started, you know sucking your dad's dick Yeah, yeah started fucking how are you so happy about the story hilarious sucking on his car I think this is something just clicked in Julian's mind when he was watching this and now he just is the way I'm watching it and then my dad I actually learned a position from my dad It was sort of like a little pile driver thing And he's just fucking slamming her his face is all red fucking granting noises and shit Anyway, my mom gets home. She was out somewhere. She gets home I start fucking panicking take the disc out not the disc the tape out and put it in the top draw Let's start pile driving Of your room in my room in my room So you kept it in your room just listen cuz I freaked out cuz she was there and I was like oh shit And I did have a little bit of a you know tent pitch Anyway, did you have a think about like having a go? Yeah a little little I still do but um Anyway, so I've put it in the drawer Anyway, she's come in. I've completely forgot about it because my ADHD I want to forget about I want to the fucking next thing It's ADHD and then anyway two weeks later My mom was cleaning my room and had Found the fucking tape in the top drawer Because then two weeks later just after it. I was oh shit because I was like my mom clean my room What if there's shit in there that's not meant to be in there and I've gone I'm gone. Oh no the tape and it was gone And you never spoke to her about that no we call her no no I Didn't speak to her because actions speak louder than words. Oh, did you know about this time? I Tell you when you're at school. That was like later in life That there was it there was this one time I was that I had a party at my mom my parents were out of town and I remembered it And I was like oh and I went to the box and I got one of the dildos and licked it in No, it was pretty funny that I just gave it a little I was like she off. She obviously washes it. Oh, it's a clean. Oh, I get that joke She's ending like I've done that if she's anything like you are you sure she was Michael you saw her Instagram today She's fucking fit dude. I didn't say she wasn't fit. I find it dude. She's pretty fucking hot. Um, Matt here get up your Instagram. I'll show you my mom But I'll do it after like now forever mom knows that you like she doesn't know that like the reason for it She doesn't know that like she just found finds her fucking porn movie in your room Like you've kept it there for your bat material. No wonder this are fucking angry at you all the time They think that you want to fuck your dad's Your dad thinks that you want your mom. Yeah, your dad's just jealous. Oh, that's probably why he's so far Yeah, this is like therapy. Yeah a hundred percent. Wow But that is intense if you guys haven't signed up to the University of Michael sign up Because you'll get to see exclusive content of my dad abusing me. Yeah. Yeah, it's pretty good And I want them to meet my parents. I want to take them and have like a round table dinner with my parents And I want Marty to fucking piss off my dad. We could just bring on it. We could bring up. No. Oh, yeah We don't fucking bring. I wish I never fucking told the story You're never meeting my fucking parents. You have to bring that if we could do an app I'll pay you. We'll give you money to let us do an episode where we tell your parents. What happened that day? Like decent money. What do you want? How much? Oh, we'll give you what a grand and a half That'll be a really good If we can film it and we sit down with the tape like at the table and we were allowed to actually They won't be okay with that though. Would they and that like yeah, we can blow their faces, but okay We just saw their voices. Oh fuck. Yeah That's gonna be the best video of the year. No and your Jordan has to be there your brother Oh, and hey, what's that? What is that? What is that Michael? Yeah, Michael tell He's the bed of a better-looking version. How why cuz he's got blue eyes Imagine you're gonna realize He'd least so much hotter even Stella said it the other day. Anyway, that's Julian's story and we just thought you guys should know about that He's doing the thing that he did when he watched his parents Oh He's turned his feelers off Cut that corner cut that corner cut cut this one I cut his fucking wrists No one sees it All right, I want to be here for you opening shit. I want to see it's so hot Yeah, it's so hot and look we can't there's none of Mike's what you can stand next to the table Yeah, your face can be near Marty No, no grab a chair and then sit on that side. Okay. I just want room. It's okay. It's okay. I'll leave It's a different world when you hear when you hear Yulia talk All right, then we have the pill unboxing everyone and we got some big big gifts This is what I'm talking about guys. This is what I want to see This is a bomb this didn't fit in the fucking box. I'd go into the post office. Oh Wait, maybe I'm not happy with it All right, so it's a bigger in the bag brown bag There's it's Amazon. Oh It's an adult humor rude gift cup ceramic All right, let's have a look it is a mug that says oh wow so you look at it like that So the handle makes we've been sent that before have we have we that exact thing? Yeah, no, right? Yeah, we've got it go look in my top top shelf. I don't believe you just go look in their top shelf I don't believe you my diagonally go diagonal left left left left left top shelf. I don't believe him at the very far corner next next gift more more presence That wasn't satisfying look See slightly different Slightly different Julian's got his balls out Julian get him away Julian Did everyone see Julian's shirt by the way? It's cracker milk merch some very good I am not a pedophile. They're important that Julian points that out to people All right, what do we have here? We have a folder read this before opening so it makes sense I wanted to let you guys know that I only did this because I wanted to I don't want money or an Attention with that being said this took me forever. I hand typed all of them and laugh my ass off the whole time Hopefully you guys can get a good use out of these. I'm sure I will also. Sorry for my handwriting. It's shit Printer ran out of ink Jacob dick in son off the podcast personal letter I guess we'll read that after but thank you very much. I don't know what this is yet This is exciting. This is what I want to see. Yeah, that looked hard. Oh, so it's a it's a folder Whoa, my name Michael Flea actual money Michael Flea actual season one to two on this day's the book Whoa This would have taken ages. Wow, holy shit Let's just read a random one. Is this all our on this day is all of the on this day season one and two This is that's special Maybe we can make it like a little book out of it Dickerson Thank you on this day in 1964 Neil Armstrong developed a way to communicate with the moon over the next few years He even developed a relationship with the moon and was often spotted at night staring up at the moon Wanking during full moons years later when we landed on the moon He bent the moon over earth and started slamming from behind. Yeah, wow, they're all here. This is crazy This is all your work Matt What's of research you've got an encyclopedia now fucking L. Jacob very very lovely. Thank you This is gonna be great to read back on. Do you remember the DVDs one? Yeah, dude on this day in 1999 DVDs launched an attack on cassette tapes cassette tapes took an early hit because they weren't expecting DVDs to be so sharp and such good quality However cassette tapes put up a strong resistance and fought back DVDs were losing the war DVDs tinder with a small but powerful cousin Blu-ray and overpowered cassette tapes DVDs became arrogant and Victorine began fucking the corpses in a pure display of get fuckness However, you would prove to be their downfall as the DVDs died from AIDS in the years that followed DVDs DVDs Wow, this is cool. I want to hold it. Let me touch it and yeah Yeah, hold it up nice and high and proud and sing a song about Jesus Jesus Christ Superstar Jesus Christ died for our sins Dude, you can put that on your coffee table and all your friends can read it when it can they come over They don't come here. Nobody comes here. Oh No air con Since this is special and he put time into it He gets follow on Instagram. All right, Jacob. You're fucking. What was his ring one? We see you bloody engaging with our shit all the time and he's a website member Matt. Did you know that? No, but I know he comments on YouTube. He didn't know that. Yeah, it's funny This person we've never met before is a member Instagram. How do you know his Instagram is jacob dick a Son yes, I went 2000. He's a drummer. Oh next segment is the German segment And this is a segment where we read out very common German sayings in a very casual Light-hearted way as if I was speaking to a fellow German in a casual conversation and stuff Oh Which means I have the nose full which means enough I'm done I Guess we say I've had a gutful. Thank you. There's an example. What the fuck if a German reads Oh, they have a gutful. What does that? What does it? Why don't they just say I've had enough? Okay, I'm coming around to it, but yeah, don't talk like that again Oh New levels on that which means I understand only train station which means I don't understand or I don't get it What does train station have to do with that? Look, let's let's not get back into this again, so It's a language. All right, we all make mistakes But at the end of the day, it's a beautiful way to communicate with loved ones And it's a very passionate way to get to know someone to the German language Let me tell you boys if you guys knew German, we would be the best of friends trains are like huge in Germany If you look back of history of what they use trains we used to transport the juice With them golden circle We have golden circle juice in Australia Michael do you have a bucket collecting water out there? Yeah, it's full and I it's too heavy to move now So it just overflows Michael's house leaks when it rains it's been raining all week So I put a big bucket down to get the water and now the buckets too fully can't tip it out Yeah, you should tie a bit of rope to it to the coin cone and just drive off. No, it's just gonna tip it over. Yeah Okay All right last one here We're sitting on my ass devils. We're sitting on my ass devils. Oh The ending there is fuck. We're sitting on my ass devils Which means we are at the ass of the world which means we're out in the sticks So out in the in the bush or something well like the German way of saying that's pretty true They are the ass of the world We want to rule this entire globe. I'll have you know Fair point, but I want to hear it like you talk on the phone to your mom. Yeah, that's what I've been Everyone I say is how I speak to that's what I imagine I imagine I'm having a conversation with my mother percent and I Repeat it. I don't wouldn't repeat it to my mom, but I repeat it so you guys can hear it properly Okay, you'd say hello mom. How are you in a very loud way? Is it loud? Is that I know how do you say hello mom? How are you? You know casually like that I guess it's not that loud maybe because you got headphones on Yeah, that'd be it. I think that must be it. Yeah That was good. What's next next we have some crimes next we read out all the crimes that our followers have committed Don't worry. They're all anonymous even the ones you write in about how you guys have raped women That's true. That did happen Yeah, it's some fucked followers like I don't it's it's a bit sometimes It's a bit like Jesus you guys have done some fucked up shit And you just roam in the streets free not even locked up some of you like like worse than Julian I Julie nearly went to jail Is this this close? Don't ever forget that Julian. I hope you learned your lesson selling drugs A little bit hot again Yuck Yuck he says you fuck off my toes fucking to his water man discomfort. You are just a lake You're a big like main do it That was nice the ending all right Here we go My two DUIs are pretty epic The first one was when I was shit-faced leaving a house party and was doing nitrous balloons when I smashed into a parked car When I was doing my mugshot I remember a fat young cop bringing in like 75 Nitrous canisters and he was dropping them as they clanked off on the floor the other cops were laughing and were like Dude get rid of those they were my football coaches. So they helped Julian is that one of your mates? Have you done nangs before I haven't ever done a name no they are Not a bad time. Yeah, but very very harmful to your health. Yeah, they're the things you do once a year It's a sometimes like a Christmas thing. It's a one maybe when you're celebrating something. Do you don't start getting hooked? Dictive I've got friends that do it a lot. Yeah. Yeah, cuz they will rot your brain out of your fucking skull You'll get done Julian. Did you do a lot Julian? Yeah, you had a seizure this couple weekends ago as well There's one time way way back me and my friend broke into a car got drunk in it and pissed in it I forgot to say that it was in front of the owner's house I also have a vague memory of hitting a junkie with a brick in the head after he started to become more aggressive Because he asked me for money and I said no it was in the middle of the night So I panicked he fell to the ground and I ran I have no idea if he died Holy shit. So yeah, that's another one. That's pretty fucking intense You know if he dies that's you're a murderer, but Self-defense do you remember those videos bum fights? No, I saw the guy who ran it. He was on the dr. Phil show and dr. Phil laid him out Isn't that where Kimmo came from bum? I don't know if you can know he came from like Street I was like street fights, but yeah, he got a lot of trouble for doing hey They should throw bricks at sleeping bums. Oh No, good. No good. Are you one on dr. Phil and he used to do that dr. Phil would have had a stern word Yeah, dude, he got ripped to shreds by dr. Phil And he was he was like trying to play it cool and be fucking I'm the best shit dr. Phil listens to this podcast You know, yeah, well, he's he's been on it. Yeah, like digitally way way ago You guys want to remember? Yeah. All right Burned an abandoned house down by accident. It's been well over seven years That's the statue of limitations on arson here in Arizona. Lo. I'm all good now. Can't arrest me and his name is Kidding, but that is someone burn a house down. That's not too bad. It'd be fun to do Oh, maybe one day when we're like super rich We can just buy house and just burn it down and we can have a challenge to see who can stay in the house the longest While it fucking burns around so fucking down with that. No, that's a good idea If we have slides or something on the upstairs windows everything's got an exit and like a helmet or something Yeah helmets. They always wear hard hats Yeah, that's it. We're doing that as soon as we get like a stupid amount of money. Oh, dude That'd be a fun fun time. We'll live stream. Oh Anything could happen Matthew Brown. All right, this one's really long. So I can't be fucked Or can you read it? Is it hard? Yeah, it's too much. It's too much difficult First of all, I've never believed or cared for the supernatural I'm a real estate agents my day job and I have been in and sold hundreds of houses in my lifetime many of which People have died in or have said to be haunted and out of all of them I've only had one true supernatural experience. There was a house for sale It was worth half a million but only for sale for a hundred K It had been bought only four months before and was already on the market again So naturally I went to see it as I arrived a woman and two kids were on their way out She said they don't like to be there when their husband is at work because there's something inside the house She said things happened, especially at night that dishes fly out of the cupboard door slam And there's loud bangs in the living room as if books are being dropped from the ceiling I didn't believe her and entered the house anyways There was antiques everywhere and the house was a mess with random things all over the place I walked into the front room and immediately I felt a change The air became thick and heavy like like a weight on me I found myself staring at this huge 2005 TV with old dusty cable box sitting on top of it Right as I was staring at the box it turned on the channels on the cable box went up from one to one thousand Like someone was it was changing them extremely fast I was frozen. I really freaked the fuck out when I saw the power cord hanging off the side of the TV and realize It wasn't even plugged in all the hairs on my body stood up and I was so scared I couldn't move I slowly walked out of the house and never returned. Are you fucking kidding me, dude? We need to message this guy. Yeah, find out what happened. Is that in Australia? Did it sound like it was? House for sale for half a mil hundred K. I don't know Need to find out that's the house. Can you please message us again, dude? Because we need to go there. This wasn't a crime. So I can say his name Brian I don't know what his Instagram handlers either really. Yeah, it just says Brian Has the active one out All right, Brian, you need to message us and if you live near Brisbane You're coming and taking us there. Does he still own it? No. No. He was a real estate agent Oh, yeah, it's if someone owns it damn it. How long we've been going for man I'm just you're just in an hour now Right on that I guess we'll move on then a to the prank call if you cut some out you'll be back under an hour Here we go. If we cut some out. What do you want to cut Matt? Huh? Do you want us to cut Julian? Yeah done? Oh I've got some prank call for the dickies. All right, so so for the prank call this week We basically we just asked last week. Hey send us some friends some of your friends numbers So I'm just gonna call a bunch. I don't know what I'm gonna say. I don't know what I'm gonna do I'm just gonna let's just try fuck with some some people who who want Who Do you know what I mean? All right, this guy sent his number. His car is in the shop getting fixed at the moment I was driving home. We were both Ten zans deep and on shrooms And I T bone some cunt and drove off. Yeah, they followed us to their house. I anyway put fiber of cash I'm not to dog. I see them. We haven't heard back from them since But I need you to act like you were the one that got hit and your car was written off when I want 5k You're gonna look hops. All right. Hello. Is this a jammy? Who's this? Mate, it's we probably recognize my face if you saw me But I am the owner of the car that was t-boned by you and your mate the other day The other day or a couple of weeks ago, whatever it was Weeks even weeks. It was like months ago. Yeah a couple of months ago same shit. I Look I'm calling because um, you know, we're not doing so good and I know he's gave us 500 but Look, I'm gonna need a bit more money man to be honest Well, like if you consider like how fucked it was like I was thinking maybe at least another other to two grand I Have to speak to me mate like I wasn't even driving. So yeah, I know but like isn't it your car Yeah, it's my car. I've just spent four and a half thousand dollars fixing it. So Yeah, well, you look literally just had it done Yeah, but like it's gonna be done now like our car was like, you know, also quite fucked And like And And my fucking like to be honest like my elbow is like hasn't been right since like it clicks and shit and like it's I can't even straighten it still and like Like I've been at the doctor on that and like they can't they can't like find anything but like it's definitely like Like a bit fucked. So like I've got that now and you know, I work at fucking and a bloody reception It came out so it's like hard for me to like hang clothes up and shit because my elbows fucked and like man, it's it's just like Like it was put like because I've spoken to some mates and shit about it and they're like man like It's fucked up. What happened that day, man Like fucking me is how much was what'd you say how much is your card of things? Oh Yeah, well like ours was just we didn't even bother we didn't even bother getting it fixed. It was like it was just fucking fucked So like, um, you know, you can have a chat to your mate or whatever, but yeah, just tell him like Like to just for like some medical bills as well as like, you know, we bought another car But you know, it was a fucking lemon man. It was like a lemon So that shit car plus my dodgy elbow now equals about $2,000 I think Yeah, and you know, like I know like I don't want to like put pressure on or nothing But like like I'm gonna have to like I probably have to say something to the cops Like if you can't if you can't pay up, you know what I mean? I look like I don't want to be that guy. I don't want to be like that but Yes, and use because yous were like on fucking shit to a Well, that's what your mate said I'm pretty sure he said like Xanny's or some shit I've got no recollection, bro. My memory hasn't ever since it bro. My memory's just been cool so yeah, well, um Yeah, two grand like like I'll give you a what's today if I can Can choose day or something. I'll give you a type Friday I think Friday's probably be like the latest that I can wait just cuz my elbow is like so sore man lead it sexual You sound a bit like a croaky voice something you begin a bit sick Sounds like kind of hot The other thing that like I don't know and then like feel free to put me in my place here, right? but the other thing like I sort of like I do remember What you boys look like a little bit? No, and I don't know if you which way you swing or whatever and feel free to say no But like if we could be 2000 or like you could we could just hang out we can hang out one night You know what I mean? Do you know what I do? No, what I'm saying Fuck I know what you're saying. Yeah. Well. Yeah, well, oh shit Fuck yeah, I'll call me on Friday. What for like what a date or like you for the cat Cuz honestly like um, what are you like do you do swing that way or what cuz I do Oh Right, okay Yeah, well, you know, would you like, you know, would you you know, would you would you would you consider it? All right, so it's not even on the table so you're saying table so a gobby is out of the question Fuck man, well, what if I can what if I suck you off and then we'll call it an even 500 bucks Come on man, come on, just let me you just fucking your blind folder. I won't even make a sound. I just want to have I just want to have your dick in my mouth and just I just want to One load and $500 and we'll call it even Oh Dude, I'm hot man All right, well, I'll send you a photo and of like me in the mirror and shit like flexing and and then all you can reply Which offer you want to go with all right? Oh, you can let me suck your dick and give me $500 and we'll call it even or $2,000 cash by Friday. Otherwise, you know, like I said, I'm gonna Don't want to be that go. I'm gonna go to the cops So gobby in 500 or two grand even, you know what fuck the 500 just let me suck your dick man Let me suck your fucking dick No way It's I'm gonna come clean with you all right dude fucking with this is Marty and Michael man on our fucking cheeky little podcast Blake let us know that you really you've been a bit of a fucking incident Oh Well, sorry about that Blake, but um, yeah, you know, you're all good man. Yeah, no one's trying to suck your dick God really was fucking gullible I thought if we're sure he'd be like no this is Yeah, joke, but like dude Zenny's fuck you. He would have no idea what happened that day a hundred percent Especially if you had 10 20 was it? Yeah, like there's no way he should have died All right guys That's an episode no seven keep a real safe fresh always say hi to your mom and dad and don't ever walk on grass If they got signs there go on the full path come on man