 So, before I get into what a man needs to be able to chase you in a relationship, what a man really needs to have before he can chase you in a relationship, I want to read something that I prepared for you and I'd like to dive into this for a moment. So, give me a second to read this out loud for everyone. Most dating advice is based on early attraction methods without any regard for commitment. I'm going to repeat that. Most dating advice is based on early attraction methods without any regard to commitment. There's a big difference between chasing sex via game playing and romance versus seeking a life partner. Relationships have far more moving parts. Monogamy, commitment, trust and loyalty. Let me read that one more time. Relationships have far more moving parts. Monogamy, commitment, trust and loyalty. This is provided that you want a monogamous relationship. So why am I bringing this up? Because all too often I see so much dating rhetoric out there, not advice for men and advice for women in particular centered around the following. When I say advice, there's talk shows and YouTube videos out there. For women, it's all basically telling women that their real value in relationship is based on their sexual market value, meaning what value they bring to the table to a man from a sexual perspective. And the lower a woman's market value, her sexual market value, the less opportunity she's going to get any man. And the real narrative is telling women that they are basically wrong for wanting what they want because they're overselling themselves. Now there might be some truth to that. I'm not here to judge that. What I'm also seeing is a lot of advice for men based on attraction, the Andrew Tates of the world, if you will, that are in my opinion quite misogynistic and quite demeaning to women because it's all based on early attraction methods. Now for the men, he's selling the idea, be your best self, make lots of money, but treat women as second class citizens because that's what they're are. That's kind of what he's selling. In fact, recently my girlfriend and I have been watching the show on Apple TV call for all mankind. And it starts with the mid 60s astronaut program in NASA. And why I'm bringing this up is it's kind of interesting and whether this is true or not, a lot of the astronauts were players. In other words, these are, excuse me, they were married men cheating on their wives habitually and the wives had to accept it as part of their role of being an astronaut's wife. And quite frankly, I think back in the 60s, a lot of women experienced this because they didn't have very many options to take care of themselves. And they were in these prestigious relationships. Well, times have certainly changed where a woman isn't necessarily dependent upon a man for her survival. And she has every right to be picky on the men she chooses. By the way, if we think about this for a moment, it used to be back in the fifties, a woman was picky on who she'd choose to have sex with because back then before birth control, a woman, basically there was a consequence with having sex with someone. You weren't married to, and this is one of the reasons why back then for the most part, not always the case, if two people wanted to have sex together, they got married. There was an ultimate commitment. Well, now because of birth control, men don't have to make that ultimate commitment. And yet I believe women's standards should be just as high as to who they choose to invest their heart in, not their body anymore, their heart in. And why I'm bringing this up is choosing people who are more emotionally mature, more emotionally attuned, because ultimately, as I said before, you have a choice. You want to focus on early attraction or do you want to seek a life partner where there's monogamy, commitment, trust and loyalty? And I want you to think about this. It takes about a hundred hours of face to face time just to build the first stage of trust, the first stage. And let's just assume there's 10 stages to trust. I don't know what there are, but I'm just saying it takes at least a hundred hours of face to face time to build that first stage of trust. Isn't it fascinating how humans will enter into relationship all based on physical attraction? And men oftentimes chase a woman based on lust or limerence. And if you're not familiar with limerence, I highly recommend you type in Google limerence, L-I-M-E-R-C, wait, limerence, L-I-M-E-R-C-E-N-C, oh, I'm butchering it, but you get it, limerence. Because that early stage of chasing doesn't necessarily mean that he's capable or desires a deep commitment. And if you really want a man to actually invest, let's replace the word chase with invest in the relationship, then every man needs to experience this. Now, let me just share something with you all. There's a picture of my beloved and I. I say beloved because she's my partner. We're partners now. We live together. Now, for some people, I've had emails from people saying, oh, my God, Jonathan, you live together. You're living out of wedlock and all that kind of stuff. You're a bad human being. Folks, I would marry this girl. I want to marry her. I'm waiting for her to want to marry me. And we just haven't reached that point yet, but I certainly know this is someone I definitely want to go the distance with. And yet I didn't know this in the beginning of our dating. Now, a lot of men will tell you they knew she was the one on a first date, but these, I want you to think back to when men used to say that. They used to say that before these devices, okay? Before we had ample access to opportunities. And I think what's bastardized the dating, mating, or relating process is internet or swipe dating in particular, the belief that if something doesn't work out with this person, there's always another person around the corner. So understand that we are in different times than in the past when a man knew she was the one because certainly before there was internet dating we used to date based on proximity. We dated the person that we physically saw and within a short period of time. By the way, that short period of time sometimes was just weeks before people got married. Nowadays, the average person has had multiple relationships. And because of those multiple relationships many people, myself included can be gun shy. That's right, gun shy. And what oftentimes happens for men when they pull away is this sense of gun shy because many of us, myself included, have been hurt before. I know many of my friends who've gone through divorce have told me how horrific the experience was and that makes them a little bit less likely to fully commit to a relationship or fully commit to someone until they actually know this person is safe to be with. I know even with my beloved, even though I was strongly interested in her I had that push-pull experience meaning I pushed forward and then pulled back and I pushed forward and pulled back because it takes time. As I said, it takes a hundred hours to just face-to-face time to build that layer of trust. So you wanna know what it's gonna take first off. So I'm here to say almost every man on some level pulls away, even myself included even though from the moment we met I have not literally, I have not dated anyone, I haven't pursued anyone since the moment we met. Okay, so we've been fully engaged with each other. And yet I did pull back a little bit. There was fear that happened, it's natural but that didn't cause me to ghost or disappear. That pulling back is merely a reevaluation based on the past hurts. Does it feel like I'm gonna go down this rabbit hole of hurt again and so we naturally come to a place of center just to feel safe for a moment which is very common for a lot of men. Now, for men who have done the personal development, self-help and spiritual work and I'm here to say I'm here to say that it's critically important these days that humans come to the dating, mating and relating process, having done some healing from their past relationships. That's right, some healing from their past relationships because if there isn't any healing oftentimes that if there's a traumatic experience they carry that forward and a lot of times two people connect together and they're trauma bonds finding that they're attached to another human being in an emotionally unhealthy way. This is why folks I teach in my private coaching. Here's a link to schedule a discovery call with me. What I teach in my private coaching is first out to determine really compatibility, understanding compatibility and understanding who's compatible with you. Secondly, how to ask the right questions based on your personality to see if he's compatible with you. And lastly to vet for his emotional maturity. If you're not familiar with my emotional maturity relationship skills, many of you are. A little bit of a glare there. I want you to say this is merely an opinion, not a fact. I believe roughly 20% of the population has clinical issues. And while I say 20% have good relationship skills the vast majority of human beings are dysfunctional. So it's incumbent upon you before you invest your heart in someone like the past before a woman had sex with someone without birth control. You actually vet this person. And again, if you need help, there's a link below to schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with the coach is right for you. Because the bottom line is this. Most people we meet are rather got terrible relationship skills. And by the way, this chart isn't about men. This is women as well. Ladies, just because you have a propensity to express your feelings more so than men doesn't mean you're good at relationship skills either. Just because many of you get attached to somebody in an unhealthy way, doesn't mean you're good at this stuff either. So let's recognize that this isn't a singular male issue. This is a human being issue. So what's it gonna take? What's it gonna take for a relationship to get over the edge, to get over the hump, to really lean into something more substantial? Well, I wanna share something with you that I wrote. As I was saying early on, I went through a push-pull, meaning I was pushing and pulling away, just very briefly, because with so many previous experiences in my life and also the perceived choice, it was a little bit harder to know if someone was a fit for me, meaning we had to build this level of trust. We had to build this following piece. And that is, and every man needs this to be able to lean into a healthy, happy relationship. We need these two things. We need to become friends with you. That's right, friends with you. I wanna, and there's a second piece I wanna share as well. There's a meme I posted on my Instagram today. I'd like to share it with everyone. It's a cute little meme. It's gonna be hard to see it, so I just wanna put it up in the camera, just so you can see what it looks like. But the first says, I love, I love, wait a minute, I love laughing with you. It's a boy and a girl looking, I'm gonna say it's a boy and a girl looking together, looking at each other. The next is I love walking with you. The next picture of the two of them together, I love working with you. The next is I love talking with you. And then the girl says, but I also love just existing with you. With me being me and you being you. Folks, what I see missing today in so many relationships is this piece of developing the genuine friendship between two people. It's, again, a lot of dating rhetoric is so hyper-focused on attraction and so hyper-focused on game-playing, like the book, The Rules, and so hyper-focused on romance. And yet without any regard to really the most important aspect of a relationship is building the deep friendship, the deep roots of trust. And if you follow my narrative, you know, trust is built through spending three or four days and nights a week together, doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork building skills, both in your personal and professional life, intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy with an agreement of moving towards either living together or getting married. Folks, many of you are choosing casual relationships. Many of you are choosing unbeknownst to you friends with benefits relationships. Many of you that are in long distance relationships are merely in cyber relationships. Many of you are experiencing mediocre relationships, wondering when is magic theory that's gonna change all of this? But Jonathan, I've been told that if I sit in my feminine energy, a man will naturally claim me. Let me tell you something. Being claimed, let me think about that narrative. I've heard this from other feminine energy coaches. Being claimed by a guy, property is something we claim. A relationship is about choosing mutual partnership with one another, mutual partnership with one another. And that starts by building that friendship together along with this second piece that is critically important for a man to genuinely want to invest in you. And that is he has to wanna take care of you. Folks, I remember earlier, I said monogamy, commitment, trust and loyalty. What does that mean? Loyalty, that means I've got your back. I'll be there for you when you need me. To some degree, I wanna take care of you. Do you know, many of you are swimming in mediocre relationships where there's literally no feeling of this person has my back. Now, I don't mean take care of you financially, but certainly take care of you emotionally. What's the whole narrative of provider protector used to be protect you against the lions with my spear? Well, we don't have to deal with that. By the way, most guys wouldn't know how to fight their way out of a paper bag, myself included. But providing for isn't necessarily about money. It's about the emotional protection that comes from building deep emotional intimacy between two people and deep emotional intimacy comes by building that kind of friendship with one another. You know, it's interesting. You know, my girlfriend said to me yesterday, we're doing the binge watching of that show that I was talking about. She said to me, I just like being with you. I just like being with you. She said, I like you. We say, I love you to each other all the time, but like, like is a really powerful word to say I like someone. Oftentimes we use the feeling that I care for someone, but when you like someone, you treat them with a different level of respect. And yet sadly, many people are experiencing companionship, connection and sex without any real genuine development towards partnership. And this is why I scream at the top of my lungs and sometimes I curse to make a fucking point is to shake human beings up to a narrative of stop following the rhetoric based on the initial attraction phase and be more focused on the compatibility component. Shared values, blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity. Because if you're walking in the dark or you're walking with dark glasses on in a dark room, you're gonna trip and fall. And if you're watching this video, there's no excuse because I recommend book after book after book on my channel. And by the way, there's a look in the description below to read all the books or check out all the books I recommend. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. So what's gonna make a guy chase you folks? It's going to be the development of the friendship and how do you develop friendship, social activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork, building skills, both in your personal and professional life, intimacy and physical and emotional intimacy as well. That's how the bonding of two people can occur where a man will invest you. You don't have to worry about him chasing you. He'll invest you because men need this just like you need it. We need to develop the friendship and we need to get to that space of wanting to take care of you. And until that happens, and many of you are experiencing this, you just might be in a casual relationship right now. And I invite you to set a higher standard for yourself. But Jonathan, I'm supposed to let a man lead. Folks, most guys are winging it. They don't know what they're doing. You're in charge of your relationship, Destiny. And you're the emotional leader of the relationship by setting the standard from the get-go and making sure you've established good boundaries for yourself. And that's my two cents and I'm sticking to it. All right, I think this will be a great place to wrap up this video. First off, I'm gonna give myself a big, gigantic job at the bar of self-love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm asking you to turn to someone. A pet, a teddy bear or pillow. There's a teddy bear. Give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. I wanna thank Kim and T Davis and Linning.