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Yes, for complete smoking enjoyment, be happy, go lucky, make your next carton Lucky Strike. Be happy, go lucky, go lucky strike today. Remember, Lucky's tastes better than any other cigarette. And here's truly Don, well, ladies and gentlemen, while Jack Benny was away in Las Vegas, he gave Rochester the week off. As we look into Jack's home in Beverly Hills at his morning, Rochester hasn't returned yet, so Jack is preparing his own breakfast. Now where's that can of coffee? Oh, here it is. I hear music and there's no one there. Tea coffee is so expensive now. Look at the pictures of Chase and Sanborn. They're smiling. Now let's see, how do you make coffee? Oh, yes, there's an old saying, use one spoonful for each cup and one for the pot. See, I want about three cups. Three. And eh, the heck with the pot. I'll get the dishes and the silverware here for the ta- I hear music but there's no one there. I smell blossom but the trees are bare Having breakfast in my underwear I wonder why I wonder why Well, I've got the table set. Gee, I hate to eat alone. I wonder where Rochester put that big mirror. Yes, it's in my bedroom. I hate to sleep alone too. Uh-oh, the coffee's starting to percolate. I've got the only coffee pot. That's also on the Judy Canovish. See, what else do I want? Who's that? Well, so you finally got here. You should have been home yesterday. I know. Well, where have you been? Well... Now come on, Rochester, tell me, where have you been? You want the truth or an amazingly interesting alibi? I want the truth. I wish you'd listen to the alibi. Fine, the alibi, just tell me where you've been. Stay with some friends in San Diego. There's some of their friends who insisted that I stay with them for a while. If you went from San Diego to San Francisco, you had to come to Los Angeles. Why didn't you stop? My friends, friends, friends didn't... Oh, so you spent most of your time in San Francisco. Didn't you get my car from Louisville? Louisville? Oh, so you went to the Kentucky Derby. Yeah. How'd you do? Horse I bet on couldn't even friendly himself into third place. Well, it serves your right. If you'd been back here last night instead of the... I'll get it. You finish my breakfast. I'm starving. I mean, finish cooking it. Music and there's no one there. I smell blossom. Oh, hello, Dennis. Hello, Mr. Benny. Was that you singing? Yeah. You'll never get two shows. Come on, now. Where'd you come over here for? Well, I wanted you to hear the song I rehearsed for the program. Oh, yes. Come in. Thank you. Now, Dennis, go in the... Hey, wait a minute. What's that you got under your arm? Oh, blueprints. I'm building a new house for me and my folks. Really? Let me look at the plan. Sure. Hmm, this looks nice. This is the dining room, isn't it? Uh-huh. And right up here is the master bedroom. The master bedroom? Yeah, see. The dressing table goes here. The chaise lounge goes here. The refrigerator goes here. And the stove goes there. Well, uh... Wait a minute, Dennis. Why would you have the refrigerator and stove in the bedroom? My mother likes to have breakfast and bed. Well, Dennis, if your mother likes to have breakfast and bed, why can't your father bring it in from the kitchen? Because then the food would get all cold and soggy. The food would get cold and soggy? Why? To get from the kitchen to the bedroom, you have to go through the living room, and that's where we have our swimming pool. You have a swimming pool in the living room? That's ridiculous. No, it isn't. Look what we save on rugs. The craziest house. Dennis, why would you have... No, no. I'm not going to ask you. There's no question you can ask that the architect already didn't. Dennis, I've really had enough, but since I haven't had breakfast yet, and I've got nothing to lose, we'll continue. When are the workmen going to start building your house? Oh, this afternoon. I want you to come to the housewarming tonight. Dennis, if I can guess how the men can finish the house so fast, will you sing your song? Uh-huh. The carpenters are drinking had-a-call. The name of my song is No One But You. I knew it. I knew it. I want to be late for the housewarming. Yeah, you're telling me, kid. For a minute, I thought it was the Duchess of Windsor. Come on, let's see what he wants. Dennis, you don't have to hop on every crack. And look, I wanted to show you something I bought. Ain't they cute? Say, they're dresses for a little baby. Yeah, they're too small for your children, aren't they, Phil? Oh, they're not for my kids. They're for Sammy the drummer's new baby. His wife had a little girl last week. Oh, I didn't know that. I'll have to call them up. Yeah, and say Jackson, for a present, don't charge you for the first month's diaper service. Have you seen the baby yet, Phil? Yeah, she's awfully cute. She's got her mother's lips and her mother's eyes and Sammy's hair. Don't worry, she'll grow her own, you know? I doubt it. Sammy never did. By the way, Phil, you were supposed to drop over last night and talk to me about some musical arrangements. Why didn't you show up? Oh, I couldn't, Jackson. Last night, Alice dragged me into one of them meetings of the Parent Teachers Association, and, man, it was really embarrassing. Embarrassing? Yeah, I didn't know what they were talking about. One guy gets up and suggests that they coordinate all visual training aids. Uh-huh. Then the fellow in front of me raises his hand and suggests faculty representation at the Bilinquil Festival in Ecuador. Then the fellow behind me makes a suggestion that a psychoanalytical basis be applied to compensate for the individual variance during the early academic year. Not to embarrass Alice. I got up and made a suggestion, too. Well, good for you, Phil. What'd you suggest? I made a motion they redecorate the cocktail bar in a school cafeteria. You made a suggestion like that? Yeah. I'm not worried about this tar, but how do you get these feathers off? I thought you were going where the wild goose goes. I'll see you later. Oh, wait a minute, Phil. As long as you're going down to the cleaners, I wish you'd take a few things for me. What makes you think I'm going to the cleaners? That bundle of clothes lying on the back seat. That's Ramley. Then why have you got those two straps around him? There's a handle on the back. It's easier to carry him. Look, he's still got those labels from the time we were in London. Now, there you go. Vinny, I'm going to go home now. OK, Dennis. So long. So long. What a cast I've got. Dennis is stupid, Donna's fat, and Phil has lied luggage. Sometimes I wonder... I'll wash my slivishes on the phone. I'll take it in the living room. Over this afternoon, I won't be able to. Why not? Well, tomorrow's my sister Babe's birthday, and right now I'm downtown doing some shopping. Babe's birthday, eh? What are you going to get her, Mary? Well, I don't know. It's a problem. Oh, it shouldn't be hard to get Babe a gift. There's so many things she hasn't got. Jack, the things she hasn't got money can't buy. No problem. So it's Babe's birthday, eh? How old is she, Mary? Thirty-nine. Well, she's as old as I am. Oh, oh. If you're buying a gift for Babe, buy her something for me, too. Get her a wristwatch, or a good bottle of perfume, or a silk scarf, or a pair of stockings, or a half a pound of candy. Wait till I get down to it. You can stop with that, too. Last year, I gave Babe a pair of gloves. I know, but when the fight was called off, you took them back. You're popping at the maid company. Tell them to take the candle out of the window. You're home. It'll be her summer replacement. Wait a minute. Rochester! Hang up, Mary. There's someone at the door. Okay, bye. Goodbye. Coming. Oh, I wasn't expecting to see you again, Mr. Mr. Collins of the Department of Internal Revenue. Oh, yes, yes, Mr. Collins. And you remember my assistant Herbert Thompson? Yes, yes. How do you do? How do you do? Gentlemen, this time. Well, Mr. Benny, for a month now, we've been working on your 1950 income tax return, and we still can't believe that a man in your position only spent $17 for entertainment. Well, I'm sorry, but that's all I spent. But since you gentlemen are here, there's a question I'd like to ask you about income tax. Well, we'd be glad to help you if we can. Well, last week I did a broadcast from the Nellis Air Force Base at Las Vegas. And since I was in Las Vegas on business, can I legally deduct my losses there? Well, I don't know. What did you lose? One of my riders. Your show and thought you lost all of them. We're trying to help you. I know, I know. Now, Mr. Benny, you have one item here on your 1950 return that puzzles us. If you want us to keep it confidential, we certainly will. Well, thank you. What is it? This item you've got down is a deduction here. $28 for a nightgown for Ann Sheridan. Oh, oh, yes, that was a replacement. I burned hers while I was ironing it. Any other questions? No. Let's go, Herb. Goodbye, Mr. Benny. Goodbye. I think it's just wonderful the way those two men have been trying to help me. Well, bring it in the library, Rochester. I haven't read a while. Busy lately. I haven't had time to do any reading. Got a lot of new books here. Here's one. Neither Five Nor Three by Helen McKinnis. Oh, I read that. It's good, too. The Cain Mutiny by Herman Woke. I remember him. He used to write for Fred Allen and quit to go to war. Coward. King Midas and his Golden Touch. I'm reading King Midas. Had such a sad ending. They cured him. Oh, here's a new one. I was Shanghai. Hey, that sounds exciting. I think I'll read it. I was Shanghai. We Shanghai'd you two days ago in a Frisco Saloon, matey. Keele Hall the navigator, box the compass, wreath the jib, port the helm, and swab the poop deck. I want to see the captain. Well, he's over by the Mismas, but I wouldn't go near him if I were you. This bloodthirsty pirate that ever sailed the Seven Seas. I don't care. I'm going to see him anyway. Your funeral. This is Captain Kidd.