 In this video, I'm going to talk about why I stayed single and celibate for a year and a half. And I'm going to talk about why you should probably do the same. So make sure that you stay tuned. What is up everybody? This is Chris from the Rewired Soul, where we talk about the problem, but focus on the solution. And this is another video for my The Broken Picker series. So if you haven't checked out all the videos in the Broken Picker playlist, make sure that you check out the info card above because I will link to it. I'll also link to it again at the end card. But this entire playlist is about people who keep getting into bad relationship after bad relationship after bad relationship. And while we can't control what other people do in the relationship, we can control what we do, how we work on our mental health and who we actually pick to be in a relationship with. So as mentioned in the intro, I stayed single and celibate for a year and a half. And it was literally the best thing that I ever, ever, ever did for my own mental health. So as some of you know, who follow my channel, I am somebody who's in recovery from alcohol and drug addiction. And the biggest recommendation is that you don't get into a new relationship your first year. Biggest suggestion, nobody follows it like nobody, right? So that is a video for another time, but I'm one of the few people who followed it. Not to say that I didn't try. I did make another video about my first sober date that went terrible. If you want to check that out, again, it'll be in the info card. But anyways, a little bit about me and my past relationships. Every relationship I was in was terrible. My entire life, it was horrible. And when I, when I began to start working on my mental health, I had to take a step back and look at all these things like why am I getting into these bad relationships? One of them was because I had a broken picker. But the other thing was what I realized when looking at my past is that I was never single. I was just never giving myself the time to really work on me. From the time I was young and in high school and got my first girlfriend, I was constantly seeking a new relationship. Being single was the most uncomfortable, lonely, depressing thing on earth. And this is true for all of us. But I had to start realizing that, you know, getting into terrible relationships wasn't going to solve the problem. So when I started working on my mental health, I had to become very self-aware. Okay. And the self-aware, the self-awareness started by realizing that I kept getting into terrible relationships. Now, for anybody out there who's in recovery, I had to be honest with myself. How many times did I drink or use because of a breakup? Pretty much every single time, right? So since I don't know if that person's going to break up with me, there's no warning sometimes, I had to be very honest that I was not ready to be broken up with. I was not ready to have my heart broken. Now, anybody else out there who's watching this and you're not in recovery, it's still important to recognize this because I'm somebody who struggles with anxiety and depression and breakups can send me into this downward spiral that is extremely hard to get out of. So if I keep getting into bad relationships and these are things that are a detriment to my mental health, I'm not ready to get into a relationship. So I made a decision that until I felt that I had the foundation, the mental foundation to get into a relationship, I wasn't going to do it. And it took me a year and a half. So part of my self-awareness was I'm a very selfish person. I'm extremely selfish, okay? A lot of us are. And I'm going to make some more videos about people who are selfish in relationships without even realizing it. But I knew that because of my mental health, I was not in a position to date anybody. It would have been extremely selfish of me to drag somebody down with me just because I didn't want to feel lonely. I've done another video about this. It's called Don't Date If You're Broken, right? And this is something that I had to realize. It was not fair to another person to be like, okay, I'm broken. I'm going to grab you. I'm going to make you my emotional hostage and you're going to stay with me until I get fixed. That is not fair to another person. Okay, next. Yes, you guys heard it right. I stayed celibate for a year and a half. And I know you're like, like, it's absolutely true. And here is the reason why. Again, this goes back to my selfishness and self-centeredness. I, even when I was single, I was trying to find women who I could just hook up with and use just for my needs. And something that, that I don't think many of you have picked up on, but when I'm doing these videos about becoming a better person, it's for your mental health. This isn't so much about other people like, for example, with depression. When we have depression, we have a lot of negative self-talk, right? I'm a terrible person. I'm not worth anything, da, da, da, da. So one way to help curb your depression is to quit being an awful person because I would go hook up with a girl. I would lie to her manipulator. Oh yeah, baby girl. I want to be with you forever, right? Then I'd sleep with her and never talk to her again. And then I would feel guilty about it, which then fueled my depression. So I wasn't in a place to even casually hook up without feeling like garbage. On the other side of that, too, is a lot of times I would get emotionally connected, like really emotionally connected. I had to be very honest with myself that it's hard for me to even hook up without developing this attachment to somebody. So I stayed single as well as celibate. Now, the reason why this was the best thing that I ever did for my mental health was because I learned how to be comfortable being alone. And this is a skill that not many people have. They feel lonely and they jump into a relationship. And oftentimes they lower their bar so low that they're just like, oh, this guy or this girl that showed me a little bit of attention and they're kind of cute. So, okay, that's a great relationship to get in. And it's not. And it's all because we don't like loneliness. And loneliness is part of life. Like some of you out there, if you're watching this in your inner relationship, you realize that even when you're in a relationship, you can feel alone. So I had to search for this temporary fix for my loneliness because why would I do that when I can strengthen my own mental health and learn how to be comfortable being alone? When you learn how to be comfortable being single, it opens the doors wide open for what you get to do with your relationships, your emotional life. Like it is incredible. Like when I learned how to be comfortable being single, I was able to say, okay, no, I don't want to date you. No, I don't want to hook up with you. I was back in the driver's seat. I was in control because I knew, I knew for a fact that I had built up the mental resiliency to be alone. This is why I highly suggest that you take some time to just be alone. Like I used to be that person, you might be this person or you have a friend who is this person where they jump from relationship to relationship like they can't even be single for like five minutes. Like I have a friend. I have a friend who was with a girl for years. They got engaged, everything like that. And they broke up and within a very short amount of time, he jumped into a new serious relationship and like I sit back and I'm like, oh my God, this is the stuff that I used to do. And this friend, he's not a drug addict. He's not an alcoholic. There's a lot of very normal people out there who don't understand that it's okay to be alone. Now I can go off on a huge rant about how society has created this idea that you have to be in a relationship if you want to be happy. Like let's be honest real quick. Because of that idea that you have had implanted in your brain, this is the reason why divorce rates are so high. This is the reason why I'm starting to make videos about parenting because so many people are getting into bad relationships because they don't know how to be alone. Then they bring a kid into the mix. Now we're raising a little human being to be mentally and emotionally unhealthy all because we don't know how to be alone. You know what I mean? So I really hope I really, really hope this video got through to a few of you. And if if you're good with this, cool. But if you know somebody out there who has a difficult time just being single, please, please, please do your buddy Chris a favor. Share this video with them. Help them understand that it's okay to be single. Help them understand that they will build up this mental and emotional resiliency by being single. So please share this video with people to let them know that being single is probably one of the best things that they can do for their mental health. All right. But anyways, I want to hear from all of you. I want to hear from all of you what your thoughts are on this subject. And if you're somebody who's been single for a while, or you went through a time when you were single, like I want to hear what your experience was. So make sure you leave them down in the comments below. All right. But anyways, anyways, if you like this video, if you like what I'm doing here, please give this video a thumbs up and right below this little box, click the little round subscribe button. I'm always making videos to help you out with your mental and emotional wellbeing. And again, click or tap right there if you want to check out the whole broken picker playlist right below it. There's my last video that I uploaded. Thanks so much for watching. I'll see you next time.