 Took a shit in a coffin, bros, hex, you guys. Fucking wild weekend, bro. Oh, fuck yeah. With Esther. Oh, how the fuck are we? Sorry about last week, guys. We had a little missed a week, but we're back this week. And I think things are on the improve. They are on the improve. Yeah. So before we get into this shit talk, I'll just quickly, I'll just explain what's been going on. So I'll just go through in chronological order what kind of happened and where I'm at right now with the heart shit. Because I know we posted a video last week on Facebook. I was kind of describing a lot of my symptoms. And we had so many people reach out. Literally thousands of people DMed. And a lot of them were like saying, you know, I've got lots of similar symptoms. Please keep me posted on what you find out, Marty. So that's what I'm going to do right now. I'm just going to let everyone know what happened. So two weeks ago, I posted the podcast. And then after we filmed that podcast Wednesday night, went home and went to bed and my heart started going. Like for like three seconds on and that would stop three seconds on and that would stop. And it fucking freaked me out hard. And I immediately became full of anxiety and stress. Went to the hospital. They put me on an ECG machine. As soon as I get there, of course, they stop the heart, the irregular heartbeats. And yeah, so they keep me overnight. They say, oh, you know, it seems like you're fine, blah, blah, blah. And by the way, I just started the high blood pressure medication. So at this stage, I'm convinced that something's wrong, that I've got some kind of arrhythmia and it's only going to get worse. So the next day, I'm incredibly stressed. I haven't slept much. And again, the irregular heartbeat starts Thursday night, Friday night, it does it again. Saturday night, same shit. It keeps fucking happening. And my stress levels keep going higher and higher, which makes my blood pressure go higher and higher. So I'm on blood pressure medication, but my blood pressure is going up. It's going the wrong fucking way. And I'm just so freaked out. I'm not eating anymore. I've just stopped eating. There were days I'd have maybe three mouthfuls of food because after I ate my, the fucking palpitations, it's like my heart had started beating so hard. I looked down at my shirt and see my fucking shirt moving with my heartbeat. So just very freaked out. I went back to the hospital again on Sunday because it just kept happening. And same thing. They booked me in to see a cardiologist, another random cardiologist, just to give me some peace of mind. And because this cardiologist can read the readings of this event recorder that I bought. So this event recorder was this little thing that you put your fingers on and when you feel your heart beating and fluttering and shit, and it records like a 30-second ECG. And I did that and I managed to catch one of my flutters and it came up as atrial fibrillation and I managed to catch another one and it said a bundle block, whatever the fuck that is. And of course I Googled it. It sounded terrifying. My stress was getting higher and higher and my blood pressure was going higher and higher. So that's why we posted that video just because I was like, I didn't want to wait for the cardiologist. I was just freaking out. It was too far away. I thought I was going to die. So we posted the video. Huge response. Thank you everyone who wrote in and commented and all that shit. We tried to read through as many as we could. There was some real scary shit people said. There was some very helpful stuff, but lots of cool people reached out. One in particular, I got a message late that night from a guy claiming to be a cardiologist slash heart surgeon. So I was like, holy fuck, I've hit the jackpot. A heart surgeon has reached out. Jumped straight on the phone with him and he told me, he's like, oh yeah, it could be a pinched nerve around your heart. Spoke to me for about 20 minutes. This guy from the UK and he's like, oh, you know, studied here and now I'm here and blah, blah, blah. And he's like, anyway, let's book in and over the phone consult tomorrow. I charged like 150 euro an hour. So I sent him all my details and everything. I was really excited. He even advised that I canceled the cardiologist that the emergency staff had put into place. So I did. I canceled that cardiologist because I was like, fuck, I have one now. It's all good. And he kind of told me that, yeah, it's nothing serious. So then the day before I'm due to have a phone consult with this guy, I was like, oh, I should probably like look into him, see if he's actually says who he says he is. So I go on his Facebook and it says he's a casino owner. So I message him like, hey dude, it says, is this your Facebook? Like it says you're a casino owner and not a cardiologist. And he's like, oh yeah, they advise us not to say that we're cardiologists in our bio. And I was like, oh, why? And he didn't really answer it. And I was like, oh, do you mind if we just send through your credentials before we do this? And he's like, yeah, man, yeah, what do you want? Do you want my fucking medical degree? Do you want my doctor's this? Do you want that? And I was like, all of it, just send me all of it, please. And then time went by, time went by 7, reached 7 p.m. when I'm due to call this cunt. And then he just fucking ghosts me. So it turns out that cunt was a fucking scammer trying to scam some money out of me who saw me from the video. And I just now have canceled my cardiologist appointment. That's like two days, that was two days away, thinking that I've fucking got this sorted. So again, thrown into stress and panic like never before. What a cunt. Yeah, dude, fucking tries to scam someone who's like freaking out like that. But anyway, there was some very... Is it hot? I don't know. There was some very cool people who reached out as well. There's one guy in particular, Dan, Daniel. He's like a medical scientist. And he's like a professor in Adelaide. He teaches at Uni's and shit. He sent through his credentials. He's an absolute fucking legend. And he called me and he was like, dude, I've had exactly the same thing. I had it for seven years and never could figure it out. I went to all these cardiologists, did all these tests. They all said the same shit. There's nothing going on. And he found out it was all 100% psychological. His high blood pressure, the flutters. It was just stress and anxiety. A huge amount of stress and anxiety. And he talks me through it and it calmed me the fuck down. And that helped so much talking to him. He was literally so helpful, that guy. It's good that he was the real one. Yeah, I know. Like, thank fuck for him, honestly, because I was spiraling so hard. And because I was so anxious, I had such intense chest tightness. That I didn't know if it was my heart fucking around or what it was. So I'd be getting chest pains, chest tightness, blood pressure was higher than ever before, even though I'm on this medication. Again, the medication isn't working. I'm going to fucking die. I'm getting more and more fucking irregular heart beats. And then one conversation with Dan and it's just I immediately felt so much better. And lo and behold, the flutters and the irregular beats went, they didn't go away completely, but they fucking went down massively as soon as I calmed down a little bit. So I call that cardiologist that I was meant to see the next day and say, hey, I got scammed. I stupidly canceled my appointment. Can I rebook? So they booked me in for one week away. And then I'm speaking to Dan and he tells me what I need to do to try and get my stress and anxiety down. So I book in, go to a therapist. I start fucking trying to exercise again and all this other shit, right? So on and off, I keep having these, the heart flutters and stuff, recording them on the fucking little event recorder. So and today this morning, I had the meeting with a new cardiologist. So my old cardiologist is a fucking, honestly, just a fuckwit. I'm just going to say he's a fucking dumb fuckwit. Was he hot? No, he was like some old fuck and I wouldn't even fuck him after two cartons. You fucking cunt. Man. Yeah. You wouldn't even fuck him. And he was just like so vague and fear inducing. He just said the most vague shit and just would be like annoyed if I had questions for him. It was just really hard to deal with. Anyway. When you say he's annoyed that you had questions, what was the reaction? He would be like, do a face like this and just be like, what do you mean? Talk down to me like I'm an idiot. Was he round? Yeah, he's not fat, but he's definitely not skinny. Was he bald? No, he's not bald and he's just an older guy. But honestly, if you don't have a good doctor, it makes a massive, massive difference because he said to me, oh, I think your high blood pressure is starting to cause atrial fibrillation. And the event recorder thing, when I'm reading the fucking, when I'm catching my flutters, it's saying atrial fibrillation. It's saying all this scary shit. So I'm convinced something terrible is going to happen. So I've been so nervous for the cardiologist appointment that I had this morning. So I go in there, I've just done a 48-hour halter. So I've worn a fucking thing that measures your heart rate for 48 hours. So he's written, he's going to have the results for that and he's going to have, he's going to look at the event recorder and tell me how serious all this shit is. So I'm convinced I'm like, fuck, this is it. This is where he tells me it's all over, blah, blah, blah. So I get in there. I'm so fucking anxious and he tells me 48-hour halter came back fine. He looks at the readings on the event recorder and he says it's just like, it's essentially my heart double beating or skipping beats a lot. So it's fucking- Which is stress. Yeah. Exactly. It can be caused by stress and anxiety. He didn't say that. Cardiologists never go down the psychological route. They will always just say, it's to do with your physiology. They won't ever say, this is your psychology. But I spoke to Dan and stuff like that and he explained it very well. He's got a degree in psychology as well. The blood pressure is very highly related to how much stress and anxiety you have in your life and how much shit you haven't dealt with from your past. It just all sits in your subconscious and if you don't fucking unpack that shit and deal with it, you will manifest as these high blood pressure and heart flutters and all that shit later on. So I'm on a path now. So I'm pretty convinced that, believe it or not, all of my shit is psychological. I still have to do a couple of tests. I'm going to do a CT scan on all my arteries to make sure that it's nothing else like near the heart and they're also going to do a- What's the other fucking test? Oh yeah, do some more blood tests to see if it's anything to do with my hormones or anything, which I've done before and they came back okay. So if those both come back okay, I'm 99% sure that this is all psychological and that I just need to sort my fucking mental health and make my life less stressful. And I've already gone to therapy a couple of times now. You've got the ice bath? Yeah, we've got an ice bath sorted and yeah, like even speaking to you, I wouldn't even think so. If someone asked me like two months ago, how stressful is your life? I'd be like, oh yeah, it's like normal. Like we have pretty good lives or whatever, but speaking to someone, yeah, apparently huge candidate for the stress. A lot of other things in my life that go on all the time that just play on my subconscious, which I'm not going to get into now, but lots of shit. So if you're dealing with high blood pressure and heart flutters and all that shit, there is a chance it could be psychological as well. So go fucking sort your mental health if you have high blood pressure because it makes a massive difference and I will be the guinea pig. I'm going to go down the route of doing this naturally. Well, I'm on high blood pressure medication. I'm going to stay on the high blood pressure medication until I sort my mental health, but I'm going to yeah, ice baths, exercise, therapy, eating well, all that shit and let's see what happens in six months time. Dan, that uni professor guy, a Dr. Dan I call him, he literally teaches this shit now like and it's just fucking unbelievable the results he has. And so many people will get put on blood pressure medication when they don't fucking need to because Cardiol will just say, oh yeah, you got, it's genetic here, have some pills, when really it could be just anxiety and stress. Sort of like other things that they just try and give you but you don't really need to. So that's the plan. I'm just going to sort my health out and my mental health out and then see where I'm at, see if my blood pressure goes below normal while I'm on this medication and if it does, then I'll get off the blood pressure medication and hopefully in like six months time I'm medication free and back to normal. And then we've saved thousands and thousands of people and we're heroes. If this works, yeah, we will fucking spread the word far and wide about this. What's your game plan for lifestyle like drinking and stuff like that? Well, a day 73, no alcohol and like day like 40 something, no weed. So I'm going to get to the 100 days, probably a bit over. Next time I drink is probably going to be the bucks and I'm just going to take it easy. And yeah, I think I've definitely learned a lot through this last month just about life. Like the amount of regret I felt about some of the shit I'd done in my fucking past of to my health and mental health and not getting shit sorted was insane. If I was kept thinking if I could turn back time if I could do this, I literally thought I was going to die. So having to deal with the thought of death like it teaches you a lot of things about life and I'm very grateful for the people having it. I love you very much. Mon, she was probably haven't been very easy to be around the last month. Just my level of stress is just like I just wanted to always just be just you get so dark. I just wanted to be fucking locked away and just not talk to anyone and you boys as well. Very helpful. Thank you very much. So having good relationships is definitely very helpful as well. And yeah, fucking look after yourself because again, you don't even realize how important healthy is until it's taken away from you. I've lost like seven kilos in a month just from stress. Fuck yeah dude. So that's why we want to start a new diet called stress. Yeah, like stress cut. Yeah, so you just get stress and you lose weight. And to get stress, you really want to push your body to a really unhealthy limit. So tons and tons of drugs in your 20s. And then when you get close to death, that stress will shred away those extra pounds Matt. We could make a video on that. 129% everyone. But yeah, it is very important for like health. And then when you are scared of death, it is it makes you realize that the most important thing in life is relationships. Relationships and health. Honestly, that's the most important thing. Nothing else matters. Our content has been fucking shit taking a back seat last month because it's nearly impossible to try to be funny when all this fucking shit's going on. It's nearly impossible. What do you reckon Matt? Moving forward, I will 100% approach my health in a much different way and mental health as well. Because that's something I always neglected and just thought... Yeah, well fuck. And it does help with exercise. So anyone who is just struggling. That would be the first thing I recommend is exercise. Exercise and it will make you feel 10 times better. Even just a walk Matt Brown. Sunday walks. Guys, we got a pretty fucking... But yeah, that's the update with my heart. I'll keep you guys posted and yeah. So fucking if you're struggling out there, send us a DM. Hopefully I'll see it and I can bloody try and make you feel a bit better. Anyway, fuck we got a good episode. We got Matt's Tinder. Matt's Tinder today. We got Frank Hall. We got Matt vs Michael. We got Who's the Better Brown? We got Frank Hall. We got Horoscopes. And we got sponsors everyone. What's shit talk? We're on our week off right now. We got to do sponsors. Oh, should we shit talk first? Yeah, yeah. Let's see shit talk first. Wow, Brown, how's your week off? That has to work. His concrete tower beckons him. No, you must come in. No windows. Black, black, white walls. Big, thick concrete walls. Fake plants. We've got no plants. No plants. There's no plants unless someone brings one to their desk. I just realized there's no plants. That's fucked up. You've got to have plants. Remember when they don't let you look at your phone during the day? Oh, really? Oh, yeah. That's why you're hooked. Because you get no phone time during the day. Maybe. But yeah, we're having a week off this week. So we do 10 weeks off, 10 weeks on one week off. And yeah, just because it coincides with the school term as well. But man, I guess half of your holidays would have just been. Yeah, so now my holiday begins. So now you feel like I get four days off, even though sort of the last two weeks haven't really worked much at all. Because I've just been so stressed. Yeah, fuck. God, it's good to not be stressed. Yeah, what it's like. Well, we got golf tomorrow. Yeah. It's going to be an enjoyable. It would have been hard to enjoy golf on Monday. Dude, my heart starts fucking beating and shit starts going weird. He made like a pot from like 30 feet away. Yeah, because he was stressed. Easy, bro. He was crazy. But yeah. Think about it. Apart from that, we have been golf. Well, I've been golfing. That's been my week. I just play golf now. Yeah, I must admit I've kind of enjoyed the, I did an 18 holes once the other day. No, twice now. Have we done? Yeah. So tomorrow will be the third time twice in pretty much a week. And then in a week and a half we've played three rounds, 18. I would play four. No big deal. Horrible. Yeah, brown. You don't want to get a part of it. Hey, look, tomorrow we do 18. One of us will get a birdie. That's what we strive for. Then what's a birdie again? One under par. It's very, it's a big deal. A one par. One under par. You wouldn't know the lingo. Three shots. What's that sting shot? What's that mean? I don't know what that means. Put a bit of sting on it. But yeah, fucking hell. If I could do anything every single day, it'd be golf for a night. I do want to, like, I do want to improve. Yeah, well, I honestly, I just want to do it so I can be with my friends. Yeah. That's exactly what I thought. I was going to get, I was literally going to invest in a pitching wedge and a driver. You've got the lawn. You've got the lawn in this property. You can practice. Marty, I must say you have improved. I went through 18 holes and I didn't lose. I kept the same ball. Oh yeah, I've done that once. I lost like once. I thought it was really impressive to do that. Yeah, I did it once. Well, you've done that. That's no longer impressive at all. The fact that you've done it. Dude, my dad, think about it. He can't hit it far enough to lose it. Seriously, you either shake it or just. I hit one good shot at Greg Norman's favorite hole. Wow, Greg Norman. But yeah, he's favorite hole in the entire world. We played it. Oh, you told me that. You were there. I don't remember that. Anyway. Yeah, I think dad's like, dad took me to like a golf range. And you had sex. He took a shit in the hole. Bro. Generally, I think, because he plays golf, you've spoken to him about it. Oh yeah, we have. And it's beautiful. I generally think he was just a bit disappointed at my skill. Oh, do not. Okay. Some people have it and some people don't. And I'm sorry to say that you don't. What if what are the odds of me beating you one time there? I would say one in a hundred. If I get less than one, it'd be like 0.1 out of 100. I'd have to be I'd have to be so sick. If I get like six months training, could you beat me? Yeah. 100%. Okay. It takes a long time. I actually got a lesson booked in for me and Amber on Friday. You're getting less. Yeah, I know. It's just taken over me, dude. It's like therapy for me. At least I know what to get you for gifts. Yeah. Golf balls. Golf shit. And that stupid, stupid shirt. You tell the story. I've submitted to the golf, the golf clothing. Michael posted a video of a story with his, with his girlfriend. I'm sorry. He's fiance and wearing this shirt. I've decided that like I'm going to be a semi professional golf player. So it's like anything you've got to look the part to play the part. So that's my goal for this year is to become professional golf. I wonder if like it's like, you know, because golf you can play into your 70s, you could literally pick a club up at 40 and train your ass off for 20 years and still potentially be a pro at 60. If you want to see a good film, phantom of the open, it's about the exact same story. A dude picked up golf clubs when he was like 45. Said I'm going to be pro golfer. He played at a PGA tour a couple of years later, but he lied to get in. Sorry. Wow. Don't that's, do you know what that was to me? That was me telling you about Star Wars. Fucking anyway. Star Wars. Okay. Wait, wait. That there was a lie. I think Bosley's meat is here. It was all a lie brown. I lied about that. Which part? It was actually true. I lied about lying. But yeah, you guys. Fuck. All that dude can see is me. Fucking stuck in this. He's going to think there's some weird shit. If he goes left, he's always coming left. He's going to stop right here. And I'm stuck in this. For those wondering what we're talking about. The door. The door. Dasher is here. Yeah. Get him in here if you can. The door. Dasher is here and he's dropping off Bosley's food. It's also Bosley's 10th birthday today. Everyone. It's Bosley's fucking birthday today. Is he coming in? Yeah. Bring him in if you can. Please don't bring him in. We're going to try and bring our door dasher in. Don't bring him in. I might come and help. Hang on one second. Don't bring him in. Fuck. I'm fucking stuck here. Fuck. Oh, no. Take a seat. So this is our door dasher. He can't put him right on the phone. Oh my God. Perfect. Thank you very much. What's your name? Talk into the microphone. Jordan. Jordan. There you go. How was this order, Jordan? You were a good door dasher because you messaged me when you're at the shops and you're like, it's taken a while. I hope so. And not many door dasher's do that. Usually they fucking, they're fucking fuck around and they fucking take fucking two hours and they drive around the wrong side of the fucking house and then call because I don't read the fucking delivery instructions. Did you go around the side? Well. Look, he came here without letting to call me. There was no conversation. Yeah. So thank you very much. And this is for Bosley. Actually, this is my dog's dinner. Look at how spoiled he is. This is his fucking dinner every fucking day. He's 10 years old today. It's his birthday. Don't touch me. Thank you for dropping this off. Appreciate it, mate. Thank you, Jordan. And we'll fucking see you again soon, Jordan. See you again, mate. Ask me. See you, Jordan. Yeah, mate. No worries. I'm stars for Jordan. Michael, can you close the door please? Sorry. And she fucking opened it and let him in. Man, I could see in his eyes. He's like, what the fuck is this? I should report him for sexual assault. But at the same time. I should report him. I'll give him a one star and say that he was really sexually aggressive. Yeah, yeah, dude. He was a bit freaked out about the same time. He was like, I'm freaked out, but I'm going to see where this goes. Like he was interested. I reckon if we said let's get naked. I was tempted to grab at him. We should have touched him. It's fucking strange how he just comes in. Like I would never do that. Especially look at this comes in here. That's what I mean. I think he was down for some weird shit. If we said, hey, listen, we're going to get naked. You want to hang around? I'm going to be like, yeah. I'll do it, Jordan. But anyway, guys, that's how she talk. And we're back to work next week. And we're going to try and get some fucking good content. Fucking rolling back out. Fucking back, you fucking cunt. Fucking bong break. Suck it down. Dini, you fucking lungs. You can't fucking back out. Back out, bong break, cunt. And we're back. All right, guys, it's time for our Sponsors. First of all, athletic greens. All right. Let me tell you something. Athletic greens is one of the only things that I continue to have during my stressful periods. All right. And that's no lie. And my vitamin D levels were through the roof during recent blood tests, which is a very good thing. So get yourself some fucking athletic greens. athleticgreens.com slash fully actual. And you get free fucking travel packets. One scoop a day. A G one. That's right. Even Joe fucking Rogan swears by it. So many fucking smart people have athletic greens. And you need to do that too. But it will help you. You would have got no, did you have any heart for clienteers when you did it? I can't remember to be honest, but I don't want to claim that they stop them. I'm going to say that you didn't. They might. They might have cured everything that I have. No. Man, I had it just before. I was really tired. Pept me up. Immediately awake. We've seen some comments in the, I've seen of people saying, yes, it does give you a boost of energy and yes, it is delicious. So it's a monthly subscription. You outsource your health. You get all your fucking vitamins and minerals that you fucking wouldn't. You wouldn't fucking even think about usually. You're going through your life, eating all your steak and your chips and your bit of broccoli here and there. But you're missing out on shit you've never even heard of before. Can't. And a G one takes care of that shit. Can't gives you all the fucking shit that you don't fucking 75 fucking things you've never fucking heard of before you fucking can't. It's like fucking having a bowl of veggies. Yeah. It's like being able to skull a bowl of veggies and shit. Yeah, it's easier and it's just better. It takes like two seconds. And it did prolongs your life and it undoes some of the damage that you do yourself when you fucking black out drunk and call your fucking mom hot. Hmm. Anyway, athleticgreens.com fully actual. Help yourself. Now, it's time. It's time for time everybody. It's time lesson. It's time. Manscaped everyone. I want everyone to just just listen for a second. Okay. It's important. Take a moment. It involves you listening at home. Everyone. So you might be wondering why things aren't going so well. You hear that little bit of pattern. That's death approaching. Oh, that's your life. That's your life being poured down the drain. You have a fucking, you have a fucking empty a bathtub and you go, oh, that's going to take a while and you walk off and you fucking come back and the fuck all the water's fucking gone. That's your life and floating in it is your fucking hair. You're disgusting shit fucking gross chest hair. Chest hair isn't hot. Do you think fucking women with chest hair is hot? Well, guess what? Brian, 40 year old Brian with chest hair and back hair and leg hair and face hair and neck hair and ear hair and fucking nose hair and face hair. It's disgusting. It's ruining your life. Oh, I'm a tradie. Doesn't affect me. Shut up. If you want a good relationship, if you want a strong, nice woman, groom yourself somewhat. I'm not saying shave everything, but at least make yourself look respectable so you can at least get a woman to come into. And it helps with work. Why do you think Matt's so high up in his fucking concrete tower? Because he shaves his back sometimes. All the cunts below him have here coming out of their zippers and fucking fucking air coming out of everywhere and you fucking just fucking go to Man's Gate and see what they have. You can get your, your, your nuts sucked off without fear of odor. You can come in prostitutes with a, with a, with a free conscience. You're not, you're not, you're not grossing anyone out anymore. It's sickening. People are embarrassed to be with you, you hairy, sick fuck. They got a new, new trimmer. They got a new lawnmower trimmer. You can use it in the shower. So you just, you're standing in the shower to clean yourself. You may as well shave some of that fucking depression and failure away. Cause underneath all that hair is, is, is potential and success. And you just need to shave it away and look at it. Look at it in the mirror, you fucking cunt. You're a fucking cunt, Brian! Can we call him Dot? Too much. I want to call him Dot. Also for women. Dot. Women, yeah, women, yeah, in particular, please. And children. I know it's not fair, women. I know it's not fair. There's shit. Lots of shit that's not fair. You think it's fair? There's, when there's a war, what we're going to be on the front line together? You think that's fair? No. You shave your body. We'll go kill everyone who tries to come into our house. There's the trade-off, you fucking cunt, Brian! Okay. And it's also for animals too. Look, this is a claim that we're saying. So Manscaped has not said this. Look. Try it on your animals. Manscaped.com slash fully actual 20. And you can get 20% off all the things that will bring you success and love in life. If you want to cunt me in multiple bitches, shave your chest with Manscaped. Multiple cunts. Cunt me on there and cunt me on there and spill a bit of cunt. We can't do this. What about cunt there? Look at that. That's Manscraped. I'm not even meant to say that. Conor, can you bleep out some of the cunts that I said? So it doesn't get age restricted. So just bleep out the cunt, please. Sorry. Sorry. Okay. Holy shit. Well, there you go. And also our subscription website, the University of Markville. You can sign up 21 days for free. We've got over 250 fucking videos on there now. The video that's out right now is the one is Ignorance Bliss, I think. Yeah. And let me tell you, that involves this mince bottle. That's the most scared I've ever been. Yeah. Like on the first one, I honestly thought you were going to run over me. Dude, I was, I thought you were going to burn me and that's all we're going to say. You can watch it for free on the website for 21 days. You can cancel before the end, as long as you cancel before the end of the 21 days, you don't get fucking charged. Can't we just hide another support staff. Did you know that? Another two, I think. Oh, wow. And yeah, the website's coming. Yep. The new one is going to be so much better. Man, I'm so excited for that. Do you know what happened in that video? Well, you hide another support staff. Yeah. What do you mean? Like to deal with emails and people who want to upgrade and cancel and shit like that. Would you like that? So, yeah, there's 250, over 250 of our fucking best videos. It's like a half hour video every week and it's fucked up shit that we can't post. The shit that we want to make. Do you understand? Oh, I don't think we wanted to make that one. Think about it. No, yeah, definitely not. That bottle had something to do with it. And if you want to... Do you even know about that? The most fucked thing we've ever done is probably that. And we've done some dirty, dirty things. Yeah, I was truly ashamed to be a part of this organization. See my eyes? Like it burnt. Oh! The smell. No. Like it. Like I couldn't open my... When I opened my eyes, they were gloopy. He had mince lids. It was fucked. I had to... I couldn't find the pool. It was the worst moment. Then I thought my eyes had like some new like bacterial disease. Imagine if they got pregnant. Can't. Little eyes start popping out of my eyes. Without a doubt, there's a high chance you can get a bacterial infection. Yeah. Well, it didn't happen. I survived, but fuck. I was scared in that moment. Oh, it'd be so funny if you had that. Yeah, the website. Go sign up and have a fucking geese. Can't. And there's some big things coming this year with the new website, which we don't know when we'll be out, but it's coming very soon. We've done all our checks on it. We've got like all these servers and shit. So the expenses for the website are going to fucking skyrocket. But we did that because we don't want any mistakes on the new website. Can't. We're going to get new content creators. It's going to be fucking little bro. And even so, the fucking video we did while you were stressed was one of the hardest I've ever laughed. Oh, yeah. When you freak out, man, there's a video where we do like a pistilery and we go to like a sort of sketch based. And my God, Marty was so strange in it. It was next level. Wow. Instead of a distillery, it was a pistilery. It's like a sketch. I wonder what people think. It's so different. But wow, I haven't laughed that hard in a long, long time. So thank you. Yeah. So anyway, fucking, let's get in. Let's do it. All right, guys. I have compiled all of the leading expert horoscopians. I've put it all together. And I've got the Taurus horoscope, which is Michael's. I've got the Street Rat horoscope, which is Jillian's. And I have Matt Brown's horoscope as well. He gets his own time. He gets his own time. He gets his own time. He gets his own time. He gets his own time. He gets just singled out. It's weird, bro. It's like freaks me out. Your horoscope, bro. How much it like implies to just you. Anyway. Sorry. All right, Taurus. Fresh slits will present itself. Earth breaks out of the New Year cycle. Invite a priest to your house and piss in your own fridge in front of them. Take risks at work this week by screeching loudly during meetings. of a piece of spring string to your cock and the other end to your tongue. Look on in the mirror as your cock bounces around when you talk. See how funny it looks? You will develop a breast by noon. Don't you think it's a street rat? So if you're a street rat out there, this applies to you. Heavy dark forces will pull you towards trauma this week. Conor look how your uncle used to steal expensive paintings from museums and roll it up and smoke them. This will cleanse your chakras and shit. Visit that kid you abandoned a few years ago and shout your balls. Start a fight with a teenager to rejuvenate your reputation as a fucking psycho. Come fantasize about coming out to everyone, but then swallow that thought down and mask it with rage. Oh, fuck, here we go. Okay. What is your horoscope again, Matt? Pisces. All right, so if you're a Pisces out there, I'm worried about you. I ripped the grasshopper's legs off and placed it on a busy ants nest. Steam trickled from my back pussy as the ants quickly started dismembering it. I watched their little teeth sink into the grasshopper's hard body, gradually start tearing and cutting pieces of flesh away. A cute little idea popped into my head and I stood and swayed my beautiful red dress from side to side and chuckled. I pranced over to my nearby picnic basket and collected a jar of honey and eloquently glided back over to the ants nest. Hey ants, I said, watch this. I began swaying my hips side to side. I gripped onto my breasts and began rubbing myself sensually. I bit my bottom lip hard and my hip thrusting intensified. My movements became sharper and crisper. I rolled my body from side to side, bewitching the ants. The ants had all stopped crawling around and were completely hypnotized by my movements. They all started staring at me. I grabbed the straps on my red dress and slowly pulled them off my shoulders. Then I released them and the red dress fell straight to the ground to reveal my pure nude body. I started stomping and swirling my hips and grinding and thrusting. I squeezed my tits and belly and jerked my head from side to side. Once I was certain I had all the ants under my spell, I grabbed my jar of honey and opened it. I lowered my cock and balls deep into the jar. The honey cascaded out of the jar around my junk and then I withdrew a thick layer of honey coated my entire little brown and testicles. I quickly got onto the ground in a plank position with my dangling little brown hanging directly over the top of the ants nest. I slowly lower myself and see the ants eager to make contact with my honey covered treat. Finally the tip of my sweet little brown touches the ants nest and the response is overwhelming. They immediately swarm up my shaft and cover my sack. Within seconds my junk is entirely black with ants. I feel them start to bite and it excites me. More and more ants pour out of their little nest and fight for a spot on my cock to bite into. I start to stiffen which increases the amount of cock and allows more ants to feed. The pleasure becomes intense as thousands of ants rip and tear at my sex organs. My little brown swells even more from the ant bites. Even my sack and gorges to such a size that the skin is smooth and tight. I start to thrust into the main hole in the ants nest. I fuck down at it nearly black out from the pleasure. Then finally I hear my nuts start to rumble and a powerful jet of black tarmin's fires from my core. I shoot my mince straight down the ant hole and my balls drain and drain as the ants continue to tear tiny pieces of my cock off. Finally I finish and I snap back to reality. I look up and see that the children playing on the nearby playground were running around screaming in fear. Shocked parents were shielding their children's eyes from me. Oh sorry! I didn't see you all there. I unplugged my flaccid little brown from the ants nest and quickly brushed the ants off. I see mince bubbling out of all the tiny little ant holes. I had wiped out their entire colony. I put my dress on as concerned onlookers call the police and keep their distance. I should have known that fucking an ants nest on a busy Saturday afternoon would draw some attention. I sheepishly smile at the freaking out public to try and show them that I'm not a threat but they seem too panicked what they just seem to care. I shrug and bound backwards home. That was sexy. Oh would you stick your dick into an ant nest for five grand again? Depends what kind of ant. We already know Matt's answer to that because he's done it. Yes and depends what ants. Yeah it depends like if it's a green ant's nest? Oh no way. You wouldn't do a green ant's nest? Dude that was one of the worst things I've ever done. I put my stomach on a nest to get a free meal. That was before we even filmed anything. A free meal at Hogsbreath James and the boys paid me. I had eight hours of like just rocking back and forth. They poison you. Yeah they poison us a little fucking thing. Like threw up. Dude one bite is like it's so painful for so long. Oh man imagine like 30 on one concentrated area. Yeah that's rough. I don't know how you did it. How did you fuck the ants? Were they green ants or like meat ants or something? They're the harmless ones, the tiny little ones. Little black ones he said. They're okay. They're friendly. They don't bite. They're fucking real friendly kind of. All right shall we fucking, by the way guys don't forget to give us a, we've had half of our YouTube podcasts on YouTube get age restricted. So please like, comment, subscribe, five star review on Spotify. The only way we can spread this podcast is by word of mouth. Okay if you guys want Matt Brown to leave his concrete tower and to, so we can do podcast full-time all three of us then we need to spread the word a little bit more like a fucking virus gun. We're up to 1.9k five star. Yeah that's really cool. If we can get that to 2k. That would be special bro. Sorry. All right it's time for who's the better brown. With a thousand dollars up for grabs this week. This is a segment where we find a random brown right? And we ask them trivia questions head to head against our Matt Brown and we see who the better brown is. If the person wins they get a thousand dollars if Matt wins a jackpot to $1,200 for next week. Brown, brown, presses a brown. You're halfway if you win this one. So you get 2k if you get it, if he gets it to 2k he gets to keep it. You got to wake off. Yeah that's fucking. You're halfway if you win this one. All right I'm going to put my phone on my pillow. Come have brown, come have brown today. Come, come, come have brown, come have brown today. It's a feclander. It's a feclander brown. Brown, do we have ourselves a brown? Yeah. You are on the muddy and muggy fully actual podcast and you're about to go head to head with one of the most powerful browns the browns have ever seen. Air to the brown throne. Are you fucking ready? Can't what is your full name? Jay Daniel Brown. Jay Brown. Now do you guys know each other? You guys have the same last name, may I remind you? He has the same initials as my mother. Holy shit. Maybe he's your mom. Do you guys know other browns that you're not related to? You sent something that close. Yeah. I wrote a French with the same last name but I'm not related to him. That's fucking. That's mind blowing to me. That's great. If I had that it'd be really weird. If I was speaking to another, whatever my last name is, I would be so shocked. Jay do you know how much you win if you win this? Nah. I lost track last week or a week before whatever the last one was. $1,000 up for grabs right now. This is fucking. We're not fucking around anymore. This is intense, Matt. I hope you're ready for this. All right. Are you ready boys? Here we go. First question. American singer Chris Brown gave his girlfriend Rihanna a few brown eyes. How many days community service did he do for this? I'll throw it to you first Daniel. Daniel. That's Jay. Sorry, Jay Daniel. Fucking hell. Sorry. 105. 205. All right, Brown. How many days did Chris Brown do for browning Rihanna's face? I'm going to go 65. 65. The answer is 180 days. All right, Jay's off to a good start. Matt, snap out of it. You got to be fucking sharp here, cunt. It's a fucking thousand dollars, cunt. All right. Well done, Jay. He's taken a one-nil lead. All right. Next question. How many kilograms of brown sauce, more commonly known as HP source, is consumed every year? How many kilograms? All right. I'll throw it to you first, Jay, because you're in the lead. 10,000 kilograms of brown sauce. All right, Matt Brown, what do you think? Yearly. Yeah, every year. How many kilograms of brown sauce? Think how many millilitres in one of them bottles? I'm going to go 20,000. All right, you're both way off. That's got to be way more, right? Or way less. The answer is 13 million kilograms of brown sauce. They must be max making a fortune. Dude, 13 million. Wow, really? Imagine all that sauce cascading over your fucking body, cunt. All right, that's one all. That's one all now, Jay. All right, question number fucking three. Are you nervous, Jay? This is for $1,000. This is a lot of money. Yeah, a little bit. All right, here we go. The Texas brown tarantula has a large brown body and eight brown legs. The brown females are known to live for how long? Matt Brown, I'll throw it to you first. How long do the brown female tarantulas live? I'm going to go two years. Nearly for two years. All right, here we go. All right, Jay, remember they use them as pets and shit. How long does the Texas brown tarantula live for Jay? I'll just throw it for years. All right. The answer is 40 years. Jay is in the lead. Jay is in the lead. If he gets one more right and you get one more wrong, that's it. It's over, cunt. You fucking start again, Matt. Do you want that? Smarten up. Have a sip of your mother or some shit. All right, question number four. Australian sprinter, Rowan Browning goes by which nickname? A, lightning legs. B, row bro. C, flying mullet. Or D, afterburn browning. Jay, you're first. All right, he's gone. A, lightning legs. Matt, what do you go? What was C? Flying mullet. I'm going to go C. The answer is C, flying mullet. How did you know you guessed that? That's a pure guess. Jay, that is so unlucky that the fucking brown fucking guessed that shit cunt. That's fucking fucked cunt too. All your fucking cunts. Holy shit, this is exciting cunt. All right, who gets to go first on this one? Yeah, fuck. I don't know. I think Matt, because he's the guest. Okay. Jay's the guest. Here we go. All right, popular author of the Da Vinci Code, Dan Brown has had his books translated into how many languages Matt Brown knows how many languages. I'm going to go 35. 35. All right, Jay, what do you say? Day four. Oh, wow. This is crazy. I reckon it's going to, I have a feeling it's going to be more than 35. The answer is 40 languages. Oh, my God. Matt Brown does it again. Jay, fuck dude. You were so close. Actually, you genuinely feel bad about that, Jay. You were so close to a thousand dollars. Oh, my God, dude, you fucking pulled that out, bro. Mr. Brown strikes again. Jay, I'm so sorry. Matt Brown was the better brown today, but who knows cunt. You might come and find where he lives and stab him in his sleep and reclaim top spot. That's so dark. Please don't do that, Jay. All's fair in brown and war. What about any one last thing to say for Browns? Dan? Jay? Jay, Dan? Well, I'm actually just in Brisbane at the moment, so the stabbing is probably on the card. That's fucking perfect. All right. All right, fucking Jay. We'll hope we'll see you soon. I'll send you Matt's address. Georgia. I like you, mate. Thanks for that. Appreciate it. All right. You are doing well, bro. You got five more. So guys, if your last name is Brown, or you know someone with the last name of Brown, get them to DM our main Instagram, Marty and Michael, at Marty and Michael, because they could win $1,200. Matt needs to win four more and he gets two grand. Is it four? Four or five? So, 1,200, 1,400, 1,400, 1,600, 1,800. Yeah, true. Five more. Fuck him. You are halfway there. That's too crazy. Oh, man, I'm excited for you. This is outstanding, Browntown. All right, guys. This is our most outstanding, fucking important segment of our entire podcast. This is Matt versus Michael. The winner of this will get to keep this bottle of mints and do with it whatever they want. They go head to head every fucking week. Every week they do this shit. It's what is it? Is Matt in the lead? Four three to me. He got the singing one last week. Oh, yeah, yeah. Four three currently to Michael. All right, so it's fucking close. All right, the competition today is who can do the better accents? Oh, no. So we're going to go take it one at a time. This is going to get way out of hand. I thought I was going to get to stand up. There are three different accents. There are three different accents that boys need to do. They'll go one for one and there's one sentence that they need to say. The sentence is, I boiled a slut's tit and buried it in my garden. Oh, fuck, you have to write that down so I can. I'll show you that. I'll show it to you. All right. The first accent that you boys will be doing is English English accent. Okay. All right. Paper scissors rock to see who goes first. God damn it. What do you want to do, Matt? You want him to go first or you go first? Michael's going to go first. All right. Here's the sentence. Come. Here's the sentence, Michael. All right. So English English accent and I will then score it out of 10. Hey, can you? Okay. You just say it for me. Sure. The sentence is I boiled a sluts tit and buried it in my garden. Yeah. See, I feel like you need to look at it. Okay. You only get one crack out of that. One chance only. One fucking one chance one shot. Yes. Give me a tickle. Okay. I don't because Scottish, Welsh and English, it's all the same for me. Like they're not different. Can we have a time? Okay. Like clock please. Got it. He's taken up way too much time. It's unfair. I bought all the sluts tit and buried it in my garden. All right. Is that like a Irish or Scottish or something? All right. That's what I mean. They're all the same. I've got my score. All right. Your turn, Matt. Hey, that's practice. No, I'm practicing, Matt. Sorry, you didn't say that. He got four hours. Yeah, we should. Yeah. Fuck yeah. I bought a sluts tit and buried it in my garden today. Oh, I fucked it. It's so hard. I apologize for that, man. I should have gone joining. I really enjoyed that. That was actually very cute. Your postman pat for a bit. That was actually very cute and very close. Like, man, yeah. Yeah. Well, who gets that one? I honestly don't fucking know. No, we're not doing that. I'm going to give you both a five out of 10 for that. I can't split them. So I'll add your scores as we go. All right. Next accent is Indian. Indian accent. All right. Saying the same sentence. Okay. This is, here we go. Oh, I just feel like it's English again. Okay. Hey, boy, all the sluts tit and buried in my garden. That is so racist. Oh, it sounds English. Hey, boy, all the sluts tit and a bird in my garden. I fucking know. It's so hard. That was Scottish. Yeah, I know. It was hard. What the fuck? I boiled the sluts tit and buried it in my garden. You know how to do it. Oh, man. I'm trying not to spend too much. Though these have been both very shit. So far. I think Michael's just edge to head. Oh, fuck off. He has three, three and then two for that one. All right. So Michael's ahead by one American, your favorite. You watch a lot of movie and you watch a lot of American porn. You watch all those American bitches squirt and over. Just go. Hurry up. Oh, fuck. Okay. Okay. Okay. I built a sluts tit and buried it in my garden. That's pretty good. All right. Here we go. I bought a sluts tit and then buried it in the garden. Fuck. This is hard. I'm gonna have to go English again. I just want to hear your English one more time. Please. Just one more time. He will too. Yeah. I just want to hear your English accent one more time. Oh, I bought a sluts tit and buried it in my garden. I've lost too much of a deep accent. I can't do it. I'm so sorry to English Indian and American people. I'm very, very bad at it. I bought a sluts tit and buried it in my garden. I think Michael has it, dude. Michael just has it. That was very close. Fuck. That is no way he beat me. He did Scottish on the first one. Yeah. Yours was pretty shit on the first one. Yeah. Pretty shit, but at least it was a shit English accent. I got fucking robbed. Let us know in the comments if you disagree with us. Look, guys, if there's an overwhelming amount of people who think Matt won that, I will happily give it over to Matt. It's nice. It's you. I'm commenting now. Actually, I am with Michael. You make the decision, but just remember that's a fuck decision and that's on your fucking conscience. Look, I just want the competition. I don't want to seem like I'm favoring anyone. I just want it to be fair. So if you guys think that that was wrong, let us know in the comments. All right. But you are the judge and that is five to eight. No, I'm with Michael. My buddy is the judge. All right, but I think I won that. All right, guys, I'm going to mark that one down just in case it comes down to one more at the end and I'm just going to, I'm going to bitch and complain so hard if that one is the one that holds me back. Oh, just preparing for the future. All right, guys, now it's time for a brand new segment. Everyone knows how sad and lonely and fucking, fucking sad and shit. Matt Brown is anyone in his life. There's no one here to look after me. It's just fucking pathetic. It's fucking pathetic. So Michael and I have gone out of our ways to help. I didn't want this at all. I didn't want this at all. Dude, we fully have. I fucking hate it. I don't want it. We are helping you. We are helping you. Whoever says I'm ungrateful, I didn't give a fuck. Heaps of people have found their life partner from Tinder. I know one person. So many, so many people. That's so many people sort of. I think you feel better once you hear the conversations that are being had. Yeah, I'm going to have a good giggle, but it's all in my face. Oh, dude, no, dude, you pretty much have like five girlfriends now. I don't want any of them. Okay, I already know what you've used. The guys are done. We'll show you them after we tell you the conversations or yeah, after. All right, so this is Matt's Tinder adventures, guys. So basically we've made an account. It's all Matt's photos. We've done his bio for him. Let's read the bio out first. Oh, shit. It's on the other phone. Oh, well, so you don't have my bio. We don't have it's something. It's something pretty good. Okay. It just mentions that you're the king of the browns and that you the brown family used to have a lot of wealth, but they lost it all on poor investments. And you your life's ambition is to bring wealth back to the brown name. My knees hurt. Okay. So that's your that's your bio. All right. And you're involved in the world's best podcast. Yeah. All right. So yeah. So if from out outward appearances, it's Matt Brown. Okay. It says Matt Brown. It's yeah. It's fucking Matt Brown photos are of Matt. Anyway, here's and we got like a lot of matches. First of all, can I just say there's lots of matches? Shut up. No, seriously. Like I'd say 50 50. I don't want to know. All right. So there's this girl. So I will read out the conversations. Okay. So this go make up a fake name. So it's okay. All right. So there's a girl here. Her picture is, you know that filter where there's the butterflies on your face? Okay. So that's yeah. It's a no immediately. That's her. That's her filter. So I my opening message was this. Well, sorry. Matt's opening message was this. Oh my God. There's butterflies on your face. Call me if you need help. And then she replies. I would if I had your number, but looks like I'm helping myself this time around. Matt responds. Triple zero. I work part-time as an emergency call worker. My job saves lives, but whatever. I just do it for a bit of extra fish. And then she replies. Well, shouldn't you be proud saving all those lives? Yeah, I guess it is pretty cool. I never thought of it like that. Thanks so much. I just thought my job was normal as what do you do for fish? I work as an as an AIN in aged care. Oh, sick. People die heaps in aged care. Hey, unfortunately, it's life. Hey, lol. That's so hectic. Do you ever see like ghosts and shit? I saw a ghost once it was taking a shit in my laundry. I full cooled the cops and everything. So crazy. Surrounded by ghosts. Hey, lol. Yeah, I fully believe in like energies and shit. Like we're all just vibrations and frequencies. And when we die, our bodies rot, but like our energies and shit just keep vibrating and shit. All the energies, lol. And vibrations too. Don't forget vibrations and shit. She hasn't replied in a long time. No, she has. She replied all the energies, lol. Should we get a dog together like an old one? P.S. I'm like super spontaneous. Ha, it's crazy. Oh my God. Can we get 10 dogs? Whoa, you're putting me on the spot a bit here. Do you have room for 10 dogs at your place? I'm just trying to wrap my head around it and shit. How much it will be to feed them all and shit. You said spontaneous, so why not? You're actually making me uncomfortable. Do you have any idea what kind of responsibility having 10 dogs is? Like I know I said I'm spontaneous, but at the end of the day, I still gotta have some time to care for myself. 10 dogs would be very stressful. So I'm sorry, but I think I might have to say no to 10 dogs, but we'll get like six if you want. I can agree to six. Okay, well, where do we go? Like do we go to a pound or some shit? Or should we down a fistful of endones and pluck some pups from some backyards? And she hasn't replied yet. When was the last time that message was sent? Like today, I think. So she probably will reply. Promising, yeah, 100%. That's promising so far. Good start, Matt. Do I get to see her? Yeah, yeah, show them. No, we'll show them off camera after. No, we should get his reaction to... Yeah, you gotta give him a reaction. No, because then if they hear this and he's going... But they're not going to know who it is. They're not going to know. Yeah, they'll hear their own conversation and they'll see you reacting live to their images. It doesn't matter. We're not saying any names. I'll show them on Tinder. You can look at all their photos. All you've got to look at right now is a little fucking tiny little dot. Oh, fuck. This is a... You've poorly presented this segment. If I was someone that had to watch this, I'd be pissed. What about maybe we leave it to the audience if they want to see your reaction to the girl? Yes, of course they do. But you cannot be too mean. Yeah, well, look, it's not about looks. This is about content of character. I know, but I think I should get to see them after each one that you read. Yeah, that's your problem, bro. Otherwise it's boring. It's too shallow, bro. It's too physical. Otherwise I'll shut up coming from you two. All right, next conversation, all right. All right, the next conversation is with a lovely young lady called Louise. And Matt Brown starts the conversation with... I love prawns. Should we get prawns this weekend? Okay, then. Are you north or south-based? Oh, she's not... No. North. There's good prawns at coals. I can shell a prawn in like three seconds. It's loose ass. I leave the poo shoot in, though. Do you have a bra? Do you have a bra, bro? I thought you meant a bra. Yeah, I thought he meant a bra, too. Better ones at Redcliff. Interesting fact, I will now have to time how long it takes to de-shell a prawn and see if your three seconds is actually impressive slash on-pass slash mediocre. Is leaving the poo shoot in a preference or laziness or purely relevant to the timing? Redcliff coals? I haven't been to that coals yet. Yeah, I filmed it once and it went viral as on TikTok. It was on like 15K views before it got deleted. I had no shirt on and they removed it for nudity. I fucking lost my shit, hey. Is Cole sponsoring you or something? Lol, interesting. Congrats on going viral. Oh, no, no, no. I go to Woolies for my fish and toothpaste. Just the prawn suppliers to Cole's fucking sick, fucking cunts, man. I fucking love those fuckwits. I have a 12 hours fresher and the places they fish out at the taste, they just taste like heaps good. Yeah, I even got recognized twice after the video. I'll try and get a brand deal or some shit, but yeah, I fucking, fuck it, but yeah, I fuck it cunt. I love prawns too much. Okay, thanks for the colorful language. Got it. You love prawns and the suppliers to Cole's. I'm sorry for my language. I haven't really spoken to females for a few years. So sometimes I'm unsure of what to say. Do you like snakes? I've got a dead one in my room. And she hasn't replied to that. And she has not replied to that. And that was sent today? That was been a few days. Oh yeah, that one's definitely gone, but she didn't unmatch, did she? Laziness. She's lazy. She may have, yeah. I've screen recorded immediately. Oh shit, I'm losing my headphones. All right, so that was a pretty good one. Oh no. Well, look, you can't have them all brown. All right, next conversation. You guys are one for two. Yeah, that's 50. It's a numbers game, man. All right, next conversation is with Amber. And Matt starts the conversation. It's been night tonight. I'm so excited. Hey, ha, ha, ha. Anyway, enough about me. Have you ever been to Stanford? What gets you excited for bin night? I haven't been to Stanford, but I've seen lots of friends posts from there and it looks gorgeous. Oh, yes. You know the saying one man's treasure is another man's trash? It's so true. I found so many little treasures at the bottom of my neighbor's bins. I got a wristwatch and scissors this week. Oh my God, you have to go to Stanford. This weekend, I reckon. Just get in the car and go. Stanford is fucking hectic as shit, hey. Let me know when you're on the way. Oh, no. She replied to that. I assume that's where you are. No, I'm in North Brisbane. Just a massive, massive Stanthorpe fan. It's the coldest place in Queensland. Did you know that? I didn't know that. I so love the heat. I'm literally laying in a sauna as I write this, but I'm interested in seeing the snow sometime soon because I've never have, and my son has asked to go to the snow. I'm thinking Victoria or Tasmania. Heat is good, but cold soothes the gills. My gills are nearly frozen when I hunt there. Oh, true. How old is your son? And what's his name? And what's his favorite book? I used to babysit cats, so I'm pretty good with kids and shit. Shit. And that was today. That was today. That's what I was saying. So she might reply to that. She will. She will definitely reply to that. I reckon that one's gone. That sounded like, that sounded promising. Oh man. All right, next one. That's my favorite so far. This is with a lovely young lady called Shakira, and she's holding a cocktail glass in her profile picture. So Matt opened the messages with skull, and she replied with a question mark. Your drink. I'm a bit of a wild party animal. I even took wine to a funeral once. It was so inappropriate, but I thought it's not going to annoy her. She's already dead. She replies, fair. For Jesus. Fair. Oh my God. Okay. Matt goes on to say, there's like four rats in my house. It's crazy right now. We could sunbake around my pool tonight, if you want. You lead an interesting life. There hasn't been any sun all day. So much sun right now, and fully squinting and shit. Let's bake tonight. I'll pick you up at like 6, 6.30. What's your address? I can't. I'm in Adelaide. What about Sunday? Shit. Sorry. I'm only just saying this. Free this week or weekend or next week or weekend or the week or weekend after that for the next four months. Someone is keen, busy until next weekend. Okay. So next weekend, what time? 6 a.m. I could pick you up in my bus. No. So you can get in your bus and go and get her. Fucking no. When did you... That was today. Wow. So you pretty much will have... Is she on match? No, no, no, dude. She's keen. You'll have a girlfriend next weekend. All right. So this is a goal. It's important because she replied. She messaged first. Oh, wow. Hey there. Oh, and just for everyone's information, she has a tattoo of a wand on her body. So it'll make sense surely. Hey there. Your dad is fucking sick. Hey. So tell me your story. I want to learn about you, babe. Oh, no. That's a mighty and modern conversation. Which tat lol, the Harry Potter one? Yeah. Nay, nay. The one in your pics. Massive Ron Weasley fan. I even dress as him most nights. Oh, true. Well, there you go. Hey. Oh, she didn't know what to say to that. You could be Hermione one night and we could go to the movies. And then she didn't reply for a while. Are we exclusive? And then took her a few hours, but then she did reply. Sorry for the delay in replying. I was at work and had an emergency involving my kids. Honey, sorry. Why don't we use this time to get to know each other first before we jump into an exclusive relationship? Okay, honey. What are you looking for on here, honey? And she's this keen, right? She's replied Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Sunday, all in a row. A lot of honey. Also, do you want to continue talking on Snapchat? Hey, good morning. So just message after message. Fucking reply. Yeah, you have now. Naomi, I'm so sorry, darling. I don't use Tinder much. I just ate an entire loaf of raisin bread. I love it so, so much. It's crazy. So watch on your fucking mind. Talk to me. That's cool. Just have a very long day at work. Do you happen to have Snapchat at all? I became to keep talking to you. Yeah, I have Snapchat. Send me something spicy. At Matt Brown Fool is my username. I'm gathering coal in my garage for winter. I'm covered in like dust and shit. It's fucking wild. And that was today, too. Oh, I cannot wait to see where that goes on. Oh, maybe I should check if she added me. You did. She messaged, she messaged. You asked her to be exclusive and she messaged you day after day after day like five days in a row because I didn't have the phone for a while. You got to be... Wow. This is gonna be weird because... Dude, play it hard to get. She's gonna add me to Snapchat and then that ends your Tinder. No, no, just say that your Snapchat broke on Tinder. No, no, I'll just keep talking to one on both. And like, you know, you can... This is what I want, Matt. I want for them to start talking to you. I don't want to have to talk to them on Tinder. And then you can take over and go from there and get to know them. You don't want to talk to them on Tinder. No, of course not. This is to find your wife. Like, I'll funnel them to you. I don't need to keep talking to them on Tinder for the beauty of the segment. My number one concern and number one priority is finding Matt Brown. Your number one concern is to make every single person laugh at my expense, my love expense. All right, next conversation. This one's a long one, right? This got deep, all right. Her name is Shell. Oh, fucks sake. I fucking love your necklace. I've got like six necklaces. I wear them all once sometimes. Haha, it's crazy. Haha, hiya. It's a band's emblem, actually. But I do love my jewellery. Your blurb was funny as... Yeah, it only took me three hours to write. How's your self-esteem levels? Haha, what? Probably low, lol. Nah, I'm pretty confident in some ways. Yeah, I'm like super extroverted. In crowded places, I always stand out because I'm like so loud and high energy. I don't really have an inside voice. It's more like light yelling constantly. Light yelling, laugh face. So why do you want to know about my self-esteem? Haha, you're funny. I just find that someone's self-esteem levels reveal a lot about a person. It shows what they've been through and often where they're going. Sorry to get all deep on you. I just really feel so, so, so passionately about self-esteem. I want to start a charity called Self-esteem Steam. It's like this steam you inhale and good things about... It's like this steam you inhale and think good things about yourself. Oh, fuck off. I think someone already invented that. Smoking weed, haha. But self-esteem steam sounds so much better. Let's get deep, I love it. You would entertain me for hours, I can tell. Oh, no. Yeah, I can't smoke weed and my work will kill me and my family. So I'm just working on my self-esteem steam mixture. It's mostly just steam and burnt grass so far. I'm still fun-tuning it. So what do you want from life? Do you have any collections? Oh, fuck off, man. Holy shit. No, I definitely don't either. Keep working on it. You'll get there. I'll be the test dummy for it once the formula is complete. Now, that's a big question. New experiences, new locations, travel, emotional intimacy and connection. Love, fuck, all of it. No, not that type of nerd collections. Except maybe a lot of blue rays in books. I can get obsessed over things though. What do you collect? Yeah, I reckon another six to 27 months and I'll have it perfected. I want it to smell good but also be gentle on the lung so you can fully just be yourself while you inhale it. I'm a bit of a collection nerd. I collect basketball cards, newspaper clippings of Darren Locker. Locker? Fuck. Massive, massive, massive Broncos fan hey. And different Coke cans. It's fucked. You're so passionate. Nothing wrong with that. Is your podcast your main work thing? I have a vintage Coke can pen holder. You can have it. It's a bit rusty on the bottom and is full of pens but I'm happy to give it up. I own like 15 vending machines and collect the coins every month. Plus I own a fantasy football team that makes up about 25 hours of my week but I don't get paid for that yet. The podcast is my third passion and it's already one of the leading podcasts in all of Australia and New Zealand probably. That's awesome. It's something I don't really know much about I guess. Podcast that is. Would you ever want to be a guest on our podcast? We can smoke meth after if you want. We only ever do it like once a week. This chat is so confusing haha. It's a hard no to the meth haha. I guess it's what? This is Matt's random Tinder chat haha. Sorry for the slow reply. I've been trying hard to find my keys. They were in my jewelry box the whole time lol. Yeah exactly. Come on and talk about how fucking charming I've been and fucking shit like that. Well you better get charming then haha. I don't know I'm pretty entertaining. What if people like like me more than you? Your ego might get crushed. But that's okay though. You've got your self esteem steam for that. If people like you more than me then I will crush my windpipe with pliers. Then I will inhale my self esteem steam. So do you want to come on? Look us up. Mighty Mark will fool you actual. There's ants on my back. Sorry didn't see a message. I was in a coma. I don't know maybe. I think you're just taking the piss though. How do I even know you're real? You might just be an obsessed fan posing as Matthew Brown of the ancient brown family. I'm not taking a piss shell. How can I prove to you that I'm the brown? Do you want some of my pubic hair? And that was today and very promising. You can't tell people that they're on the podcast. Yeah well I thought it's a way to meet you maybe. No I'm not bringing anyone on this first week. I'm not bringing one person on this podcast. Well we're all learning this. What about if they're... I'll funnel them to your Snapchat. Okay from now on I'll funnel them to your Snapchat. If that's what you would prefer. Would that help you? Would you let us invite some over? No. Just for you. We won't be here. None. Zero. What about zero? What about two? Zero. Look we'll funnel them to your Snapchat and you can do what with them whatever you want. Okay good. That's what we'll do. All right we got two more guys. Oh man this is great. You got two more. Just these are quick ones. Fucks sake. We've got heaps of matches dude. There are so many conversations bro. It's hectic as shit bro. All right this is Trish. And she messaged first. Oh fuck another shit man. She messaged first. Trish. What investments did the first browns lose their wealth in? So she's replying to your blurb. And Matt replies. Floppy disks. Remember them? They basically put everything we had into that technology and within a year there was already something better on the market. What's your phone number? Haha yes I remember floppy disks. At least it wasn't Blu-rays. And why do you want my number? I wish it was Blu-rays. At least then we could have made some of our money back. Floppy disks never really took off. I need your number for tax reasons. How much debt are you in? Just a ballpark figure. And that was also today. She has not responded. Good. All right last one. And she messaged first. This is Bell. Hi. So your chair broke. That sucks. Your podcast is pretty funny. I definitely had a good laugh. Oh thank you. You saying that makes it all worthwhile. Sometimes I scream and cry at night because I wonder if anyone even listens to the fucking podcast. But messages of encouragement like that fill my gills with steam. Look some chicks probably find it quite gross. But I thought it was pretty funny some of it. I'm like nearly crying because I was laughing. But yeah I don't know. I'm slithering around on the ground bro. It's like what the fuck? Ha ha ha ha. But yeah I'm awesome. Thank you so much. Where's your parents? Oh. Um. She replies. Aren't you sure where your parents are? Mine are upstairs. They always fighting and get scared. What the fuck am I going to do if they get a fucking divorce or some shit? And then I just want to read some. Oh is she not replied? Is that it? No she hasn't replied. Oh I wish that we had the reply to that. Oh that was. I just want to read somewhere Matt messaged and they didn't reply. All right so this person, this chick messaged first Nicole. Well hello Matthew Gregory Brown. Well well well. Man how does she know my middle name? Have you put my middle name in there? No we've mentioned the podcast in the blurb so it's probably a podcast listener. Well well well what do we have here? A delicious little snack I see. What's the average weight of your stools? I have no reply on that one. Holy shit. Wow she must know the podcast to know that we talk about your name being Matthew Gregory Brown. Kimberly? And Matt started this conversation to you Matt. He said I want to read a book to you. What type of book? Great Vineyards of Southeast Queensland. I actually wrote it so yeah it's really really good. Do you like wine and shit? I guess I'll be the judge of how good the book is. I do like wine and shit. Okay perfect I've got enough bottles to fill my bathtub. Bring your swimmers in the straw. I'm not even kidding hey. I'll have a shower first. I've been working at the pigory all day. She has not replied to that. That's fucked. This is one of my favourites today. Yeah you started out really honest with her. So she message first. Hi how are you? Just smoked Matt so pretty damn high. What's your address? Fuck it. Lol yeah that's the first. I haven't heard that one yet. I will always be honest with you Cartier. That's one thing you can bank on. Her name's Emily. I need my sheets washed. I need my sheets washed. What's your address? She has a reply. No reply on that one. Alright guys that's where we're up to. So you know we're working away. We're working hard to get Matt a wife by the end of the season. Do we have a quick bomb break? Bomb break? Bomb break? And we're back. We're back. We're back. That cookie is pretty flakly. Oh man I wish I could get high. So bad. 28 more days. Alright guys we're going to do the Q and A. Alright if you want to answer your questions comment them on the Mighty Michael Fully Actual YouTube channel. We answer the most liked questions first. So have it scroll through and like other questions that you think. Yeah I wouldn't mind hearing their answer to that one. Go for a brown. Go for a brown. First question is from Prattie. Boys I'm going to Thailand in a few weeks. Time for a silly tattoo. How much would you boys give me to get a brown town portrait? A brown, what's brown town? I guess he means me. Oh like a portrait of Matt. Fuck. We give you a crack at who's the better brown. If you did that we'd give you a free crack at it. So depending on what it's up to it could be a lot of money. Or it could be as minimal as 200. But if you do that we'll give you a chance at who's the better brown. Even though your last name isn't brown. Our next question is from Bryce Carter. Has Matt Brown subscribed to the website? He will never subscribe. Where are you brown? What would it take? I've literally somebody brought this up the other day about how many website videos I've watched. I think I've watched a total of like three or four. Which one have you watched? Like 215 now? I can't remember but I know I've only watched a couple and I've watched bits of some. So really I really haven't watched much at all. We've got to show him some. Be a good reaction video. Yeah we've got to fucking do it. Prattie also said he had to turn the sound down when Matt was singing last episode. I remember we did the Matty deeply lovely bubbly. Yeah. He said he goes so my name is didn't think it was me singing. He goes I was cringing hard at picturing them picturing me singing. Your singing was so beautiful. Remember the accent Matt did? Yeah man they all suck. Sorry. Next question is from tartanplanet355. Would you boys ever do a podcast with the bloody brilliant beers? Yeah we fucking would. They're in Brisbane aren't they? I think they're brizzy boys. Yeah we should probably start getting on some more podcasts and we're next week we're going to get we're going to start just getting a few more guests on randomly as well. We're going to get. I think Maitland and Jesse are going to come on. Maitland and Jesse are going to come on and next Monday is our first Monday where we fucking have a day of podcasting all day. As Brown's moved his concrete towering around a bit much a bit more so we have more time on the. Shut up. Next question is from I can't read this. Depending where it's from. Would it be possible for Matt for Michael Muddy and Matt to play to do a podcast while playing Red Dead? Now while this wasn't a really good question I actually thought it's a good time to plug the Twitch because that's probably a more likelihood that we'll see us playing games. Oh yeah we're fully twitching now. We've passed the criteria we now affiliate Twitch partners. Is it done? I think so and so we're going to be twitching a lot more usually on Fridays. Um like afternoon but yeah we're going to be twitching randomly so if you're into watching Twitch streams you know it's fucking it's us playing Fortnite and shit and and we're going to get some other games and bring them on. We did. It's pretty fun. It's pretty fun but if you're in a Twitch fucking Marty and Michael on Twitch have a bloody gaze you fucking can't. Sorry. Next question from Donnie Jones. Marty do you ever find out who stole your pictures in the metal detecting vid? For sake always get reminded of this. No I've never found out. I have my suspicions. I saw someone watching me that day but I never found out who it was and it still yeah really frustrates me. Can't fucking fuck you whoever's got that picture of my gaping asshole out there. What do you do with that? Like surely you put that back in the fucking ground. You take that home? Fuck you man. Oh man imagine if it's like an old elderly couple that have it. Next question is from Ray C. Ray C 303. Sorry. Marty what's the grossest thing you've seen Michael do off camera? Not on camera off camera. The fucking sometimes when we're like out bendering or something in a park I've seen him take a shit and then wipe his ass on the grass like how dogs do. It is technically cleans pretty much 90% as good as toilet paper. Yeah it does work very very effectively it's just hard to watch. Yeah you feel like part dog. Oh and the most fucked thing he does is when he has when he's like sickening he gets his phlegm from the back of his throat huge flambles and then hearing me and then look over him and his mouth's open he's got a massive marble sized ball of phlegm sitting on his tongue and then he proceeds to fling it out of his tongue and flick it around and then he'll chew it. Oh I can't wait for that. He'll fucking chew it and swallow it again. Oh man it fucks me up can't. Yeah like next time this is a good party trick. If you've got like a fucked up flamble cough it up and then rest it along your lips and then just see how long it takes for your friends to like see it. So just act normal like you're just hanging out. Yeah he'll put it on the outside of his lips. Out for breakfast or something. That's for 100 people. I've never seen anyone flambles as big as you ever. Truly shocking. Next question is from Lim Shihan. Shihan depending where it's on. Have you boys ever thought about dubbing the episodes in different languages like Spanish or English or Spanish as well as English? What Spanish as well as Spanish or Japanese or something like that. So we can put these we can re-release all our episodes on YouTube in a different language like Spanish and Japanese. What voice would they be in? You'd get someone to come in like Wally would come in and he'd speak Spanish for one of us if that makes sense. That sounds like a lot. So they have to sit through the podcast and say the same thing. It would be yeah it would be so funny to see a foreigner repeat what we've said. It'd be a lot of work but it would be interesting if it took off. Yeah maybe Japanese people really love this. Yeah Japanese might really go for it. They might really love this. We can get Simon Suzuki to come in with like two of his family members and they can re-enact it. That's racist. Sorry. Why he's Japanese how's that racist? Don't assume someone's racist. Don't assume someone's racist. Don't do don't do accents. If you're not from that country so I do that accent. Asshole whatever for both of us. Cancel me now. I won. Sorry. Next question. Look at Matt's thigh. Next question is from Hong Long. Why does Michael love long hair? You mentioned it when you watched The Three of My Satires how much he loved long hair was the best bit of the film. What makes you love long hair? I don't know but if you're a dude and you've never tried growing a long hair there's no harm in doing it. Well it was hard for me when I tried. It just stopped growing at some point. Yeah but if you can if you can I was so fucked my hair just kind of stopped growing and Michael Fallon did it. Yeah that's true. He was like I've never had long hair I told him to. I would look I reckon I out of everyone would look so beyond fucked with long pulling hair. What would people would love you with? My hair is just too like thin and wispy would be so disgusting. Now's your last chance to do it. Well what about if we get there? What if I did it? What about? It wouldn't work. Would you get a little hair for Kleiner? What a hair transplant. Yeah I don't know I've thought about that. Imagine brown with long hair. Oh that would be so funny. Long and red hair. I've had a pretty big before not your long. But I've had a pretty big before. Final question. Final question from crazy fool. Okay this is a bit of a long question. Just listen because you're gonna have to remember it all. Listen because you have to remember it all. Question for the pod. Have you ever felt like this when strange things happen? Are we going around the twist? Have you heard the word about the bird and the spider? Wiggled and jingled and jingled and spider. Have you ever felt like this? Strange things happen. We're going around the twist. That's questions. Come again. All right guys that's the end of the questions. We got two more segments left. It's Michael's movie reviews. It's Michael's movie reviews. These are reviews. All right this is where Matt gives his favorite movies to Michael to review. Because Matt thinks he has a very amazing taste in movies. And Michael reviews them as the general man. What's the movie this week? It was Close Encounters of the Third Kind. Steven Spielberg starring Richard Dreyfuss. Oh okay. There's got to be something you like about it. It's fucking aliens. You gave me. I had to watch the I had to break this film into two parts. You can't sit through this in one sitting. As I've said before anything from the 1970s is shit. You've got to do 990. It's a great film. Dude shut up like it was just a musical. Oh really dude. It was a musical. Dude all they do for like half an hour is communicate with these aliens with sound. It was like you know RTD2. RTD2 dude. Yeah that fucking thing. That's exactly what it was. Did you like the the shit things appearing all over the place? No it was shit CGI it's just colors. It's not CGI because it's they didn't have CGI back then. Yeah they did it was just really shit. They didn't they didn't have CGI in the 70s. It didn't at the beginning of the movie and this is how you guarantee it's going to be shit. When like it didn't have like an opening or like you know music behind the credits or anything. It was just it was shit. There is sorry from memory because I haven't watched it for all is the opening where they chase the aliens and he follows the police cars and one goes off the cliff. I'm going to tell you right now I can't remember because it was that shit. All I know is it was in my mind the whole film was a musical and like the yeah the desert storm the desert storm at the beginning. That's what I remember. It's shit. I can't see anything but sand. Did the mother and the child annoy you? That's the only part of the movie in noise. Yeah yeah like I'm angry. The kid's name is Barry which is fuck. Is it? Yeah whatever the kids our member being the her yelling it was annoying. Yeah he keeps running away from his mom. I wanted like to bash that kid. Yeah. He was so annoying. He gets away so easily. And his name is Barry. Oh man. That is annoying. Did you like the mountain at the end with the flat mountain? That's a real place. It was very ironic how the government really wanted everyone to wear their masks but it ended up being pointless. Really? Yeah. What part is that? I can't remember. Yeah it's in there somewhere. I bet you. Reminds me of something else. What does it remind you of? Oh I don't recall. Vietnam War. I don't recall but it was a musical very repetitive and fuck you Matt. There's a scene where they go to I think India and there's all the men sitting on the ground chanting. Hala hala le same thing. But that sound of them chanting that when I was like first watcher when I was a kid I couldn't get that out of my head and I go to sleep and I could hear it and it haunted me for like two months. I wish she didn't say that. No I wish she didn't say that either Matt. What do you give it out of 10 Michael? One and two. Two. One and a half. One zero. You nearly said two. Give it one and a half. So bad. Give it one and a half. Can I have one and a half? Okay one because it was at least a rad topic. Okay cool. All right so what did you give that movie? The three Musketeers were better than this. Is that because it's a newer film? I think so dude and that's an old film. I don't know because there's so much cool movie making that because there's no CGI. So I don't know I really like it. Oh man. Anyway I give it like a seven. Seven out of ten. There you go everyone. Watch it and judge for yourselves. If you can find it it's like so old. Sorry. Black and white or some shit. It's a Netflix. Sorry. Sorry. All right next movie Matt. Oh fuck I inspired by one of our fans who sent some of these things in. I'm going to make you watch the grand ones. Have you seen that? Dude it's from the 80s. No I haven't seen it. It'll be shit. It's an old film so it's guaranteed to be shit. Did you ever go on the gremlin ride of movie world when you were? Doesn't matter. You don't say sentences like that. And the girl runs into the cinema and is like they're taking over. We need to get out and you're all going to get up and run out. So this is essentially just that film I watched. Like it's about aliens. And they come to earth. What the fuck are gremlins? Are they aliens? So watch the film. What do you give it out of ten? You can't like that. It's a shit. It's a good film but I don't highly rate it. It's about a five. Oh wow so Michael's going to really hate it then. Okay all right. So that's the assignment for next week. The gremlins first first gremlins. All right guys it's time for the prank call. Hi everyone. Unfortunately there were some audio issues on the day and the prank call has not been recorded. Very sorry about that. But we'll be back to your normal prank call schedule next week. Stay safe and remember. Philoclinin.