 The Herald Perry Show! Hee hee hee! Herald Perry, as Honest Herald, the homemaker. Well, it's a chill November evening in Honest Herald's hometown, but as far as Herald is concerned, it might as well be spring. He's just had his date with the lovely Theodora, the dancing teacher. Right now, we find him reluctantly saying good night to her on her front porch. Well, good night, Harold. Good night, Theodora. Yeah? You want to stay out for a minute and talk? Hee hee hee hee. Well, it's awfully late, Harold. Thanks again for a very lovely evening. Oh, really wasn't much. Just dinner at the Antler Hotel in the moose room. Of course it was the deluxe dinner, $2.50 with a shrimp cocktail. Yeah. I enjoyed the movie, too. Yeah, so did I. Gosh, it was nice sitting there with you holding hands and snuggling up in the dark, Theodora. Yeah, movies are better than ever. Wasn't that mystery picture scary? Yeah. I like to go to mystery pictures with you, Theodora. Every time you get scared, you throw your arms around me. I did pretty well tonight. You got scared six times. That was because of that awful character. The one they called the Hummer. Yeah. Every time he was just about to murder somebody, he hummed that tune and that weird voice. Yeah. Theodora, wouldn't it be awful if the Hummer were right here in Delro Springs? Don't say that. He'd walk down the dark streets looking for his victims. Harold! And he'd come sneaking up behind you closer and closer and then... Harold? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You just did that to make me put my arms around you. That isn't fair. No, but it's fun. Theodora, how about a kiss? Now? Oh, come on. Harold? If you won't kiss me, I'll kiss you. Darn it, I missed. I'm going in now. Good night, Harold. Good night, Theodora. She goes $7.30. Yes? Come here. She kissed me. Tonight must be can night. I better walk with my eyes open from now on. I'm wearing one. Pineapple can. Sure it was a nice evening. The Hummer. How could he be in little old sleepy Melrose Springs? Well, certainly fun saying good night to Theodora. What's that? Somebody's following me. Sounds like that Hummer. Maybe he's a jealous lunatic. Like that fellow in the movie. Probably saw me kissing Theodora. Hates lovers. Maybe he's going to take a shot at me. Good night, yourself. I'm getting out of here. The door's locked. What a police station. Pete, the slowest human. Howdy, Harold. Yep. Kind of a night owl, aren't you, boy? Never mind. Let me in quick. There's a man following me. Oh, will I let him in too? Oh, no. I think he's a lunatic, Pete. I want you to go out there and arrest him. Arrest him? Okay, but first I'll have to fill out a form. Pete, there isn't time for that. This man is dangerous. What make you think this man was dangerous, Harold? Well, he was humming Good Night Irene. How's that, boy? I said he was humming Good Night Irene. That's what I thought you said. What's the matter? Don't you like that song? Well, of course I like it. I think it's kind of pretty. Do you want to take the tenor part, boy? Yes. No, I don't, Pete. Sure. Harold, I can't arrest a man humming a sensible song like that. Now, if he was singing that one about, I'm waiting for ships that never come in, that'd be different. Pete, if you'll only... He had to do this. If the ship never comes in, what's the fellow waiting for? Big boob waiting all his life for his ship to come in. But the time the ship gets there, the pier will collapse. Good. Now, why don't he sing a song like, Oh, give me my boots and saddle. I haven't got a saddle, but I'd sure like to give you the boot, Good Night. What a police force. Maybe I didn't really hear that hummer. Probably just my imagination. Boom, brother, my imagination never sounded like that. I better get home to Mother. Good morning, Harold. Good morning, Mother. Why, what's the matter, son? You look so pale. Well, I didn't sleep very well last night. Oh, that's too bad. Well, you'll feel better after breakfast. It's all ready. Mother, Mother, Mother. Mother, please don't hum that song. Why, Harold, you are upset this morning. Oh, I know. It was that scary mystery picture you saw last night, the hummer. Yeah, it wasn't the picture, Mother. I don't want to frighten you, but when I was walking home from Theodora's last night, a very strange thing happened. Somebody followed me, making a humming sound, just like that man in the picture. Now, Harold, I'm sure that was just your imagination. But, Mother, some movies make a deep impression on you. Well, I can remember when I saw Ben Hur, I dreamt of coffee for three nights. Mother, really, I wasn't dreaming. I heard it twice. Harold, I bet I know. Someone was playing a joke on you, one of your friends. Playing a joke? Well, maybe you're right. Sure. You'd just like one of those corny characters who try to scare me. Sure, it could have been Doc Yancey or my boss Stanley Peabody. It must have been somebody. Well, now, don't worry any more about it. Say, Mother. Yes? Where were you last night at midnight? What? Only kidding, Mother. Little Mother's right. Imagine me worrying about my Hummer. I bet money it was Doc trying to play a joke on me. Sure. The old veterinary has been trying to get even with me ever since Halloween when I put the hula skirt on his old horse. Well, I'll just drop in and let him know he isn't fooling anybody. I'm just finishing up on this welch terrier here. His name's Clarence. Hello, Clarence. Cute little fella. Just been bobbing his tail, Harold. What can I do for you? You're quite the joker, aren't you, Doc? I hear you're a pretty good singer, too. Oh, I, uh, croon a little now and then. In fact, my animals prefer me to John Charles Thomas. I'll bet they do. You know, Doc, I'm looking for a new vocalist on my radio show. I just thought you might be interested. Well, I might be at that. You know, I sang the lead in the veterinarian's school operetta, Peacone's Knights. Peacone's Knights? Why don't you sing something for me now, Doc? Hey, you know what? Just sing something for me now, Doc. Any song at all. How about Good Night Irene? Well, certainly. I'd be glad to sing it. Don't bother with the words, Doc. Just hum it. All right. Here's where I trap it. Here goes. Of course, I'm a little out of practice. Yes, Doc. All right, go ahead. All right. And I sound much better with an orchestra. I know, Doc. Will you get going? All right. I'm all ready. Hummer didn't sound like that. That's enough. I'll see you in my dreams. He gots the dog, too. All right. Let's take the next course together. Come on, Clarence. What? I win Good Night. I win Good Night. He gots the Andrew sisters. Let me out of here. Doc Yak Yak isn't the Hummer. If it wasn't Doc, it must be Stanley Peabody. Yeah. He could hum like that. He was a boy soprano once. In case JP, I'll connect you. Oh, hello, Harold. Good morning, Gloria. Is our Mr. Peabody in? Yes, he is. Good. Oh, gee, Harold. I saw the scariest movie last night, The Hummer. Yes. And it had the most wonderful plot. This crazy fellow went along the street humming Hello, Irene. That's Good Night. Huh? Good Night, Gloria. Good Night. But, Harold, you just came in. And I'm leaving, too. I'm going in to see Peabody. I'll let that big shot boss of mine know he's not putting anything over on me. Come in. Oh, Stanley. What do you want, hemp? Well, and get your sticky hands off my doorknob. It's solid brass. That's not the only thing that's solid brass around here. Stanley, hemp. Well, you please be careful. You're breathing on my potted joanium. Oh, sorry, little joanium. If I had a look at Peabody all day, I'd get potted, too. What's that? And? Oh, I said it's well potted, too. Hemp, I'm a busy man. If you've got anything to say, say it. I'll get right to the point, Stanley. Where were you at 12.05 last night? Hmm, that happens to be none of your business. Yeah, he's the one. All right. Peabody, I've got you this time and you can't slip out of it. You're the Hummer. Deny it. I deny it. He slipped out of that. Hemp, what are you babbling about? If you must know, at 12 midnight, I followed my customary procedure. I listened to the frost warnings, adjusted my electric blanket accordingly, and went to bed. You did, huh, Stanley? Well, then I guess it wasn't you. Stanley, there's a lunatic loose around this town. Yes, I know. Why don't you give yourself up, Hemp? I hate him. Smart, Alex. Well, maybe I just imagined I heard that humming. Uh, better get my office here and get some work done on tomorrow's program and just forget the whole darn thing. What's that? The Hummer? He's in my office. Well, I'm not afraid of him. Better take this model off, no? I'll rush right in and meet him face to face. He makes a move, I'll rush right out again. Well, here it goes. Nobody here. He's invisible. Where's it coming from? Oh, a record on my phonograph. Sorry you couldn't wait last night, Honest Harold, but I'll be seeing you soon. Not if I see you first, brother. For the second act of our story, Honest Harold, in just a moment. Rudolph, the famous reindeer, will be given a highly special treatment when Judy Garland visits Bing Crosby on Bing's program just a little later tonight. That's the Bing Crosby show on most of these same CBS stations. And now, Honest Harold, the homemaker. Who is the Hummer? Why is he pursuing Honest Harold? When will he strike? Right now, alone in his office in the radio station, Honest Harold waits. The Hummer could be anywhere, everywhere. But is Honest Harold nervous? Is he worried? Is he afraid? You said it. Never know when the Hummer will try to come in here. Better barricade the door. First the desk. Filing cabinet. I can just pick up this water cooler. Slippery. Splash some on me. Cold. Made it. I'd like to see anybody trying to get through that door now. Who's that? It's Gloria Harold. Can I come in? No, you can't, Gloria. In fact, the way I've got this door barricaded, not even Primo Carnera could force his way in. He? Oops, forgot the door open the other way. Gloria, did Pete and Marshall get here yet? I want them to be my bodyguard. He'd be a little delayed. Delayed? Why? Well, his little nephew is sick and Pete's delivering his papers for him. Oh, my goodness. Oh, and somebody else called for you too, Harold. Theadora. I hope she doesn't come down here. The Hummer saw me kiddin', sayin' goodnight to her. That's why he's after me. Oh gee, isn't this exciting? Nobody knows who the Hummer is. Why, it could be anybody. It could even be me. What? Gloria, cut that out. See you later, Harold. Better push this furniture back in place. Who's that? It's the Hummer. Come on in, Pete. Boom! Very funny. It's about time you got here. Do you realize this Hummer might come in any minute? I called you because I want you to be my bodyguard. Oh, well, I've never been a bodyguard before. Let me look it up in my policeman manual. Policeman manual? Let me see here. Money, money, money. Oh, here it is. Do not move the body until the arrival of the coroner. Yes. Pete! My still, Harold. Remove the body to the morgue. Pete, look, just a minute. All I want you to do is sit outside the door and don't let anybody in or out. Now, you got that? Gotcha, boy. In every five minutes, I want you to look in and see if I'm all right. Look in and see if you're all right. Gotcha. Now, will you get outside? I've got work to do. Okay. Are you all right, Harold? Pete, it's not five minutes yet. Get practicing, boy. Yeah. What kind of protection can I expect from that lunkhead? Melrose Springs Police Farce. See you, Dora. Now, how did you get in here? I just walked in. Oh, that Pete. Why, Harold? You don't seem very glad to see me. I'm very glad to see you. Goodbye. Goodbye. Harold. You did that this way last night. See, Dora, you don't understand. The Hummer's after me. If he saw you here with me, there's no telling what he'd do. The Hummer's after you. That's very funny. Yeah, that's what you think. You're just saying that so I put my arms around you. I am not. You don't have to scare me, you cute little curly lassie. Dora, I'm not... Remember how you said good night to me last night? Dora, please. You were standing real close. Like this. Then I put my arms around you. Like this. Zoink. Aren't you going to kiss me? Shetty bear? Dora, hi. Oh, what the heck? I'm going to die. This is the way to go. Pucker up, Theodora. I'm waiting. Wait a minute, Harold. You all right? Pete, you're supposed to be outside watching for the Hummer. You sure got a Hummer there, boy. She's dark outside. Certainly lonesome here at the station. Just me and Pete. Wonder if he's still outside the door. What's that? Somebody's coming. Stopped outside the door. Is that you, Pete? Pete. Door knob is turning. Door's opening. Must be the Hummer. Hello, Harold. Doc, you old fool. Why didn't you knock? I didn't want to wake up your bodyguide. You mean he's asleep? Goodness. I brought along a friend, Harold. What? Clarence, this is Harold. Yeah, I met him. The Welsh Caroler. He auditioned for me. What do you want, Doc? Well, we come down to help you, Harold. Your worries are over. Clarence has volunteered to track down the Hummer. Oh, for heaven's sake. I thought he was a Welsh Terrier, not a bloodhound. Confidentially, Harold, his mother was a Welsh Terrier, but his father was with the Army Intelligence. G2? No, K9. Listen, Doc, I don't want any more. All he's got to do, Harold, is smell something that belonged to the Hummer, and then he can crack him down. Oh, say, where's that phonograph record that fella left? Doc, please. Oh, here it is. Come on, take a whiff of that, Clarence. Oh, he got the smell. He sure has. You go get him, Clarence. He picked up the trail, Harold. He has? Doc, Doc, why did he stop? Harold, huh? The Hummer's right here in this room. What? Find that curtain. Who? He is? That's right. Go get him, Clarence. He's got the Hummer, Harold. Oh, what a bloodhound. Pull back that curtain. All right. Hummer. He's got my bologna sandwich from yesterday's lunch. It's funny. I didn't know he liked bologna. Doc, this whole thing is ridiculous. The Hummer in this room, why, I'll bet he's not with it. Who's bodyguards reporting, Harold? Are you all right, boy? Sorry we woke you up, Pete. Look, Harold. Well, there's a note pinned to Pete's chest. There is? Ain't that a doozy? Let me see that. Honest, Harold, meet me at midnight at the old Sawmill. It's from the Hummer, fellas. What a bodyguard you are, Pete, falling asleep. Well, now that was strategy, boy. What? Yeah, we made him show his hand. Now, all we gotta do is bait the trap at the old Sawmill and then spring it on him. Huh? Who's gonna be the bait? You, boy. I saw it. Come on. Yeah. All right. You're spooky out here. Push the moon and come out. Here we are. Yeah. Yeah. Let's see if the door is locked. Dark in there. Go on in, Harold. Me? Why don't you go in? You're the law. You're the bait, Pete. You've got nothing to worry about, Harold. I'll be right out here. Wait. Waitin'. Yeah, thanks. Just call out to me any time you want to. We better throw the Hummer off the track, though. Call me by an assumed name. Alice. Go on. Don't stop pushing. Can't see a thing here. The darkest Sawmill I've ever seen. I better check the Pete. Are you there, Alice? Right here, Emily. Emily. What a character. I wonder where that Hummer is. Probably hiding behind some of this machinery. What's that? Something bit me. Something with sharp teeth. Backed into a buzzsaw. Guess they got him an all Sawmills. Better check Pete again. Are you there, Alice? That Pete, he's forgotten the signal already. Are you there, Alice? Oh, it's an owl. Who yourself, you flat-faced ninny? Maybe the Hummer isn't gonna show up. Maybe I'd better go home. There he is. Oh, brother, he's coming closer. What am I gonna do? Pete? I mean, Alice? Oh, brother, well, this is it. Okay, Hummer, you got me, but I'm not going down without a fight. Who turned on that light? I did, honest, Harold. Who are you? What have you been following before? Are you gonna shoot me? Shoot, no. Shucks, no. I just wanted to fly out here, buy out here. I wanna try out for your radio program. My radio program? Yeah. Why didn't you come in the studio and audition? Well, shucks, I started to, but I'm too bold-headed. Yeah? I mean, I'm too bashful to sing in public. It sounds like a broken record. Well, that's why I asked you out to this sawmill. Oh, my goodness. I also play the musical song. Musical song? Yeah, like this. Yeah, yeah. You like it? You like it? Oh, I love it, yeah. You mind if I join you? You can sing center. I mean, team winner. Oh, what the heck? Take it, Hummer. I'd like to step out of character for just a moment to tell you something about Travis Air Base, which is just a few miles from San Francisco. It's a terminal where our boys are sent to the battlefields, where many of our heroic wounded from the Korean front are flown in. These are wounded fighting Americans unconcerned over their own injuries, many of which will keep them hospitalized for life. They're hurt and saddened by the overwhelming blow of mass retreat caused by an enemy which outnumbered them 50 to 1. We of the entertainment industry are trying to help them a bit in our own small way by sending performers weekly from Hollywood to try and ease their hurts and disappointments through laughter. I've been selected to take a company on Operation Santa Claus to that hospital December the 23rd. I'd like to say to those boys, thank you from all America for what you've faced and sacrificed for us. You listeners can help me say that by sending me gifts which I'll be glad to deliver to them the day that I arrive. It doesn't matter so much what you send, so long as it's something. A tangible Christmas remembrance to those men who gave their all so that you and I might be free. Please go out an hour tomorrow at the very latest, buy your gift and send it to me, Harold Perry, Post Office Box 150, Los Angeles 53, California. I'll do the rest. Enclose a card with your gift, with your name and address. Maybe the boy who receives your gift may want to write thanks. Anyway, send it now to Harold Perry, Post Office Box 150, Los Angeles 53, California. And may God bless you. Good night. You have just heard the Harold Perry show, Honest Harold. The supporting players tonight included Jane Morgan, Parley Bayer, Mary Alden, Ray Hoback and Elmore Vincent. Oh, Senator Fischer. And featured Gloria Holiday as Gloria and Joseph Kearns as Old Doc Yak Yak. Norman MacDonald directed and the music was composed and conducted by Jack Meakin. Honest Harold created by Harold Perry was written by Gene Stone, Jack Robinson and Dick Powell. That's a familiar name, isn't it? Bob LeMond speaking. This is CBS, The Columbia Broadcasting System.