 So today we're going to talk about what does it take for a person to settle down particularly a man and Something you and I've talked about before in previous relationship centers around timing So do you remember when we had that conversation? Yes, okay Do you remember what remember what you shared was like one of the fundamentals to be in the right time to be in a relationship? Yes individually You have to be in a good place. Okay. Good place now when you say individually I think of it both Emotionally physically and financially in a good place, right? Well, that's the ideal scenario Yeah, but I mean we're talking about two individuals coming together Yeah, they're not both in a good place then it's not going to be ideal So we even talked about that within our relationship because we said how timing played a part in our meeting But in that I think we were both by the time we met we were both in a good place I think so. Okay. Well, you said though you were in a little bit of a rut. Well, I wasn't a rut because I didn't like Where I was at. Okay. I was done with the cold in Chicago. Yeah, so I wasn't sure where I was gonna go So so when we talk about being in a good place, it's not like you're in this place of like Perfection, right? It's more like you're just in a good place. You're not, you know dependent upon someone else You're not going through a contentious divorce. You're not, you know You're not pining over somebody else in relationship Yeah, I just you know, I had been single a long time and I really wanted to be in a good relationship Okay, so in in the so we're gonna talk about timing for a moment But then we're gonna talk about something even more important which is in the title of it's called the it factor So we're gonna talk about that in a second So a couple other things to be in the right time to be in a relationship And this is for people who are ready to settle down and commit They have to be open and desirous of a fully committed relationship Okay, I agree. Okay. So have you ever well back in your days when you were dating I'm sure you met men who claim they want a relationship, but were they really fully ready to commit? Well, probably not if I'm not with them. No, I get that but well by everybody wanted to commit to you Okay, but I think there has to be that desire and for a lot of people they've come off a contentious Relationship maybe a divorce. Maybe they've got issues going on at work and they're not really Capable of commitment. They might want, you know, some companionship and connection and sex But to really to be able to settle down and commit you have to want commitment Right, and you have to like you have to be ready for it. Yeah You have to be a lot of people say a lot of friends of mine They'll say, oh, yes, you know, I'm ready to do this I want and then this great guy comes along and they start, you know playing around saying I don't know And I'm like, what's wrong with it? There's nothing wrong with him. It's just that I don't think I'm really ready Well, you should have thought of that before well, that happens a lot with my clientele, you know, they meet a man They have this great chemistry this great connection and they start and he says he wants a relationship And then a few weeks later. He goes I'm not ready for a relationship Is that really what it is? Well, I think that's usually an excuse for saying I'm just not that into you So but ultimately when a perp when a man at least okay I can only speak for myself when I knew I wanted a relationship with someone I Barely made it past the second or third date with someone who I wasn't into Yeah, you know if I like for me if I felt like it's like we've been with us by the time we reached the third date I knew I wanted to explore a relationship with you because I knew I wanted commitment So I think being open and desirous of a relationship a fully committed relationship is critically important Next I say being the best version of yourself physically attractive having good flirting and communication skills Well, you have good we had we flirted a bit the first night, you know and certainly since I mean It's a year later, and I think we still flirt with each other and we have good communication skills But I think the idea of being your best self Being is really being able to present your best self and being in your best physical shape You know Although you were kind of broken up when I met you I was waiting for that comment. Okay. So why don't you share with everybody what I meant? About well you had gone through this accident. I was in a involved in a serious car accident I got hit head-on by a drunk driver and walked away with you know Minor injuries, but you know my shoulder or my hip, you know There were things that even though they were minor compared to what could have happened They they changed my life. I had to do things completely different So I think there's but at the same time you still worked out you did do some exercise It wasn't that it was more of a situational thing versus someone who's sedentary doesn't eat healthy Someone who doesn't take care of themselves. I think if you're not in a good place physically It's difficult to be able to put enough energy into a relationship to settle down and commit with someone This is true for men and women alike. You know, yeah And I think both people shouldn't feel like they're settling It should be something that they're freely wanting to be in So so you said but I said but let me rewind that and Folks I'm doing my best to eliminate but from my my repertoire Is that oh now I lost my train of thought. What were we just talking? Oh settling I think there's an element people could do better to settle down than settle settle usually means you're Compromising a lot of areas However, I do see a lot of humans who are overly picky and in that pickiness They won't settle which I think they need to settle down in their pickiness You know, well their criteria is what I mean Realistically, you're not gonna get a hundred percent of what you're looking for. It's just Very difficult. So, okay, we jokingly. I know well the thing is I met one of your criteria I was over six foot two. Okay, but of course, you know, we both jokingly would like to have been with someone It was worth a hundred million dollars We jokingly said that to each other. I wanted my own jet, too Yeah, exactly So what the point and I wanted someone rich too because life is better with money So the thing is you didn't judge men for not being wealthy you wanted someone who would take care of themselves Yeah, I actually dated somebody that was a great man really nice guy and it ended for different reasons But he didn't have much. He was he worked for the city and just and so it was a wonderful guy So you didn't so you weren't picky about something and that's where I'm talking about I think some people need to settle down on their Expectations but not settle on what's most important in a relationship And that's what we're gonna talk about next and I think about folks with good character and caring for others I think that's probably one of the fundamental areas. You should never settle on Well, absolutely not so that's the first thing that I would see well first of all you want to be attracted Yeah, and then do they have good character? Are they kind? Are they good to wait staff? Someone that's really demanding and treats wait staff You know poorly that's not someone I would want to be with okay, so here's the thing I'm a totally emotionally constipated dysfunctional man could be good to wait staff So well, I agree with you there. Okay. I'm not disagreeing with you. I can agree with you there You know those are just some care some minor characteristics of good character You recognize that I had good character early on do you remember you said that to me? Yeah, you said I was a good man Yeah, like what do you do and I'm putting you on the spot a little bit But do you even remember what it was in the beginning that stood out? No Well, that's okay because I know for you you'd like to take time to process But I will say this I think you thought I was a good father to my son You remember you met my son. I remember your profile just being well aligned with mine. Okay, that that was the first thing that I noticed and that you were 62 It's okay, we're a little bit shallow at times and I thought you were smoking hot so But ultimately Observing someone's character again those little things like maybe how they treat wait staff or whatnot But I think it's also how I treated you, you know, there was a sense of care There was a sense of of being you know mindful of you in those early stages Yeah, but in the beginning do you ever really know everyone puts puts their best face forward and so So yeah, I feel that you have to pay attention to all the little things like how Do they hold the door for someone else that's coming in all those things are got it got it Things I would notice okay So we talked about timing is a representation of being in a good place in a person's life You know, are they open and fully ready to commit? Do they have the best version of themselves and do they have good character? What I really recognize that there's an Intangible that plays a part in when someone is ready to settle down and commit and that is what I call what I wanted To talk about called the it factor Okay, now I did it I did a Google search on what the it factor is and I want to share this with everyone The it factor that transcends a person's looks and makes them even more attractive and desirable to someone Who is just conventionally attractive now? That's what the Google stated So I'm thinking about in particular What was it about a mall? That George Clooney chose over all the supermodels he dated and all the beautiful women there was something about her There was an it factor Do you have an idea what it was? Well, how do you know that it wasn't her? choosing him Oh, well, that's a good well, but yeah, well, okay. You make a good point. All right because in some ways I think it's because he was such a player and a you know perpetual bachelor for so What did it take for a bachelor to settle down and commit to someone and I think it was this with her I? Wrote this down. I said she wasn't a pushover Like I think that's what attracted me most to you you didn't seem like a pushover Okay, but but there's something it's an Intangible to be I mean cuz some women, you know, they chase men they over invest they put too much You know they seem like a pushover, but there's something about a woman who stands in her power That's what I think a mall hat for her. It's just she stood in her power She stood in her sovereignty. There was an air of like this Confidence about her a grace and elegance and that's what I see within yourself, you know Like it's something it's almost even though it's a tangible it feels like an intent. Oh, I know what it was You know what it was? There was a resonance between the two of us a Resonance in other words, we vibrated kind of at the same level. It wasn't just chemistry It wasn't just lust wasn't limerence. There was this we vibrated kind of at a similar level We began to quickly get to know each other I Think it's because we resonated we vibrated at the same level. I Know that's woo-woo stuff to you. Okay, so Marie Marie would call that woo-woo what I'm talking about vibrating But there's a I think we all vibrated at a certain frequency and I think with you and I there's a frequency Vibrate that you can't put your finger on it well so back to Clooney and Okay, I'm all Sorry, I Just think that I Envisioned her actually another dimension that I do envision myself in that situation. Okay, and I think I would have been like her She probably wasn't all she wasn't a pushover. No, it wasn't all that impressed. He's just another guy You know, he's famous. He does movies and he can get whoever he wants, but she was confident Okay, so do you remember I jokingly? I didn't criticize you But I made a reference that you hadn't watched any of my videos before it'd be like I bet Amal never watched So you didn't see me as a celebrity No, I'm jokingly saying that so but there was there's this there's this thing about Resonance though. I really this is the challenge folks. I want to talk about this for a minute Because a lot of times you may show up with the it factor you may show up with this confidence you may show up With a lot going for you and yet for some reason some men may not choose you Okay, and you think like you have all these qualities, but some you had men that didn't choose you Yeah, you know so the the within the it factor is this resonance that you can't place your finger on it Some people just vibrate at the same level the tricky part in this vibration is When lust and limerence and limerence is extreme infatuation when someone is lusting for another person They love bomb they come on strong. They did they romance you and that sort of thing and I think that clouds the resonance They or they assume that is resonance Okay, I wasn't the perfect guy you were looking for but there was something about me that resonated with you We don't have to put what that is. I'm just saying do you remember? It's just there was something different about me Yeah, something different. Okay, so folks why I'm bringing this up is a lot of women may come to the table With class and with grace they have the it factor And I'll share with you some of the things that are included in the in factor This is true for men and women alike. This is by the way, you can Google this It's called the eight ways to develop the it factor, but it says be enthusiastic at all times The enter enthusiastic makes you instantly magnetic to people. Would you say you're enthusiastic? Okay, so love life Okay, when I met you you certainly love life that number three is communicate well number four is have Presence number five be likable number six. Don't be afraid to make jokes. You're not afraid to make a joke Are you okay number seven be confident not cocky and number eight listen to other people? Okay, these are some of the things to have the it factor so but within the it factor It's not a guarantee that you're going to attract a person the right not the right person You always by the way folks, you're always going to attract the right person. You oftentimes stay with the wrong person Okay, we always attract the right person But we still I got it someone write this down for me because this I just made this quote up myself We always attract the right person and we stay with the wrong person Here's the question sorry So what does that mean then that they seem to be like the right person that so you stay with them even though You knew deep down. They weren't the right person. Well when okay when you're not resonating went okay So ultimately resonance equals comfort ease Being with that person you feel safe. You feel comfortable you feel at ease That's what resonance does but if you're not feeling all that you stick around hoping that hoping that changes Or you're hoping the other person see a lot of women stick with men who have you know, they are Emotionally constipated they have you know issues they have you know, they they are inconsiderate there they Their actions don't match their words, you know But the guy had we'll even talk about this the guy might have had the it factor in the beginning But his actions didn't match his words. He wasn't emotionally expressive You know, so so this is where the it factor coming back to it factor And again is it could be a mask for all of the wounds you're experiencing These are just some thoughts I've contemplated so coming back to Ultimately, this is where coming back to timing when a person is in a good place in their life They're open and desirous of a fully committed relationship They are showing up as the best version of themselves and they have good character and they care about others This is when a person is ready to fully commit when they find that person they have resonance with and Something about that person is different to them unlike the other people. They've been with Kind of like with you there was something different about you you always stuck out to me I can't I still to this day can't put my finger on it Although I do believe you're not a pushover and all these things I talked we talked about But ultimately when I'm really getting at for everybody and then we're gonna take questions in a moment Sometimes two people just resonate together and sometimes two people don't and when you're not Resonating with one another and be careful of lust and limerence Assuming that's resonance because resonance is like an energetic connection. You just feel safe with this person That's the person to invest in the challenges We oftentimes think a relationship needs to be chaotic butterflies and needs to be insane Chemistry and usually it's the calm relationships that do the best You agree. I agree. Okay All right, by the way, someone just wrote roller-girl just wrote out and says can you read that? Marie's beauty inside and out stood out. That is so true It wasn't, you know, that is so true. It wasn't just her physical attractiveness. It was it was all these Intangible qualities that stood out to me still does All right, folks, we are going to take questions So those who know my format or know our format is if you have a question Write the word question in the chat box and then post the question there after or you can purchase a super sticker Super chat all the monies from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of My son Connor Asley. That's my picture of him right there. That's my son who passed away Almost five years ago. In fact, it's his 24th birthday. Well, actually he's he was 19 years old He's gonna be 19 forever, but it would have been his 24th birthday on thursday so Anyway, if you'd like to Ask, you know, donate to the scholarship fund We would be truly grateful for that and we donate to causes like the hopman process insight institute and seeds of love And what is seeds seeds of love is a an orphanage for children that have been abandoned by their parents in columbia They couldn't afford to keep their kids Critically ill Also, we're terminal. Yeah. Yeah, and there's a lady that started this foundation and my cousin and I support it and It's helped a lot of kids So anyways all the monies from the super sticker super chat and if you're watching the replay from the super thank goes to a scholarship All right, so we have a couple questions here Bear with me one second Okay, 007 Crack the case says how do we look to date and don't come off needy? How do you not come off needy? Have you ever given thought it? Have you ever come across needy? No, okay, but why why haven't you come across needy like what is it? I think Well, some of that comes from within but I had I had a really nice life I had a lot of things that I was doing Traveling all over the world. So I I mean I I did great things. I have my grandkids So I had a full life to begin with so I think someone that's needy is someone that's looking for someone to rescue them I was just about to say when we're needy We oftentimes need someone else to validate us to feel good about ourselves think of the word I need you I need someone to love me So I can feel good about myself. So you meet a person and let's just say they like you But you're not feeling like they love you. I need you to love me kind of thing So it's usually a place within that's that's I don't want to say deficient It's a place within that needs healing. In fact folks It's one of the reasons why I wrote my book what the heck is self love anyway a journey of personal development Self-help and spiritual work by the way, there's a link below get a copy of my book You know, it's interesting Good coaches have coaches in their life and I have a coach in my life And something we were talking about was my own I don't want to say deficiency, but my own lack of self-love in our last coaching session And I was like many people I was deeply wounded by my mother and father I wasn't felt very much like a priority in their life. I felt while there there was care. There was also To some degree, I don't want to use the word abuse, but emotional You know a vacuum in my upbringing and because of that it caused me to be an anxious attachment style And a bit needy and I recognize that even within our own relationship there are times I act needy And okay, thanks for thanks for throwing me under the bus there, sweetheart Okay, but and I own it and I'm aware of it and that's just as with anything, you know, we we We can only do so much healing in our life when we're by ourselves I think we do additional healing when you're budding up against your inner You know demons your shadow when you're in relationship with someone. So I'm grateful I have a partner who understands my occasional neediness Um, but I also recognize I don't need you to make me happy. I need to do that for myself Yeah, so am I doing a better job at that? I hope so Okay, thank you So so how do we show up not needy is first? Identifying it up front is 80 percent of the battle the second thing So you've identified that you may come across needy then be aware how your actions may show up needy And when you're aware of it Hopefully you can catch yourself before you fall into the rabbit hole Or at least pull yourself out very quickly And the best way to do that is through practice through awareness to be observant to be introspective This is why folks I I'm going to recommend a book I haven't talked about in a while Uh, where is the book? Okay It's called oops It's called the un oh, hopefully you can see it the untethered soul by michael singer I love this book I love love love this book because it really helps you learn how to talk to the voices in your head In your case there would be a lot of okay, how many voices are in your head? I mean there is a whole choir in your head. Okay, but we all need groups too. Yeah Well, actually from Marie we jokingly says she has all these file cabinets in the minute she opens or dust one off It's like these file cabinets go on for days, but uh jokingly Here's the thing about the book the untethered soul. It really helps you. It's a great Beginning place to learn how to regulate your emotions. So when you're aware of a behavior Then you can begin to work on it. So 007 crack case. I hope that helps all right We got a question from Cynthia. What type of career did Marie have before she retired? Um, I was a medical management. I was in medical management. I managed offices and surgical facilities I was married to a doctor And how many how many locations did you guys have four locations and two surgical facilities? But even after that you did that you did some of that you also medical marketing Marketing and you also I did luxury real estate. They had a real estate license. So so so in this particular case Um, and plus you were a full-time mom you you you had raised four children So so when you wear your wonder woman outfit on halloween It's a legitimate outfit. You know, you are super woman at times. So cindy. I hope that answers your question Thank you so much. All right, trisha writes I'm a widow and started the date. I don't want to commit and just want to test the waters Is it okay? Or should I wait until I want a long-term relationship? I have something to share but what are your thoughts You don't have to dating is doesn't have to be Just to get a long-term relationship You might if you want to get your feet wet I think it's a perfect way to start just meeting people for coffee or Join clubs go play a sport go do something where you can meet people That way and then you decide if someone really sparks your interest then So I have mixed feelings on this Okay, think of how many men out there are dating just testing the waters and then you meet someone They meet this woman meets this man who's just test. Let's just say for argument's sake. I'm using the male Or the masculine here But that woman becomes attached to that person. What if it's the other way around? She meets a man who becomes attached to her likes her, but she doesn't want a serious relationship Is it fair to the other person? But see that's why I'm suggesting doing stuff organically like go Join things where you can meet people and be friends with them Exactly. There's a big difference. So I I think what Maria is saying and I'm fully in agreement in this Is you can join organizations. You can do some sporting events. You can do hiking. You can do travel groups Yeah, and such to mingle with people because what is dating? Dating is a process of getting to know another person. Okay Now sometimes there's uh, there's a little bit of romance involved There's a little bit of kissing involved but if you're not I want you to think about this in reverse If a man isn't ready to be in a relationship, but you're dating this person and you begin to have feelings for them You know, it becomes very tricky to become attached to someone who says i'm not ready for a relationship That's the risk that's that's part of the risk. So being very upfront in the beginning now Here's what happens when somebody's upfront. I don't want a relationship. What does the other person do? I'm gonna convince them to change their mind So this gets tricky Well, I met someone um right out of my divorce and great guy And right away. I mean he was going through a divorce as well and I said to him that I you know, I am Not even close to even contemplating a relationship And he's like, you know, I just want someone to go out to dinner with and go to a movie with and and that was fine So but you two weren't dating you were just to you know, we're being friends Yeah friends just having something to do because you know for those of you that have gone through a divorce You know what it's like in the beginning You don't know what to do with yourself and how you're gonna maneuver this so it was actually really nice Someone to hang out with so the tricky part though is I remember when I first started dating after my divorce It was dating apps we use and the reason why I did this is because we had to use our fingers Not our thumbs to connect with people through the dating sites And people that joined the dating site usually were more serious about wanting a relationship Today dating apps through our devices has taken over the getting to know you process and now a significant percentage of people are only looking to hook up Using these devices. So it's a real challenge. My my point is coming back to the beginning of our our video here For someone to be ready to settle down. They have to be in a good place They have to be open and desirous of a fully committed relationship They have to be the best version of themselves They need to show up with good character and caring about others So the most important thing if you're not ready for a long-term relationship Is at least be clear about that with someone up front The other thing is that you don't know if you're not ready unless you try so You know, it usually happens when someone says i'm not ready the first person they meet they end up in a relationship with Although that can be a dangerous. Okay. Now i'm going to go off on another subject That can be dangerous too if you came off of a toxic relationship and you meet someone who's really seems great You can find yourself attached to this person only to find out this person has a lot of issues too Yeah So one of the reasons why by the way folks I am a dating a relationship coach one of my areas of expertise is teaching women How to vet a man for compatibility and emotional maturity? There's a link below the schedule of discovery call with me to see if working with the coach is right for you Ladies many of you have a broken picker You're terrible at choosing men and if you need some support with that Check out a discovery call with me Oh roller girl says blessings to connor in heaven. Thank you so much. I appreciate that All right, julie writes question Can an emotionally unavailable man have the empathy or Or epiphany, excuse me and learn to commit after you leave or is it or if he returns Is it temporary and he goes back to being unavailable? Give a chance or no so Did you want to say something? No, i'm just thinking about that. Okay, so when someone ends a relationship They might temporarily feel a you know, there's there's this hole inside of them And this happens. I think john gray calls it the rubber band effect Where within six weeks to 12 weeks that person usually comes back asks you to Be back in their life And yet they haven't addressed the issue that caused the ending of the relationship and and oftentimes they haven't addressed the real issue Within themselves. They're usually hoping that or they believe that if they miss you enough that something will change But you haven't addressed the core root or problem Are you familiar with that? Oh, yeah, okay. So so in this particular case Unless you address the core issue and problem and I mean really address it but also have some, um You know, i'm gonna pause for one second marie and I were watching A jay shetty and louis howe video Earlier today and if you're not familiar with louis howe has a great podcast called the school of greatness And he recently had jay shetty on talking about his book the eight rules of love or something like that I think it's the title but it was interesting something he said and I wrote this down They were differentiating between toxic love and conscious love Toxic love is where they the The person Is only looking to serve their own needs in the relationship. They're only wanting their own needs met And trauma is the oxygen for that love Their trauma is the oxygen or the other person's trauma is the oxygen for that love What he also talked about was conscious love and within conscious love He talked about the importance to have boundaries agreements and rules I'm gonna repeat that boundaries agreements and rules and what do you went on to say also is um Oh, what most people do in unconscious love or toxic love they don't have rules boundaries or agreements they have expectations and Assumptions and what why i'm bringing this up in the case of this person coming back You know, you're feeling this whole you want to fill this hole back up But you go at it with some assumption that somehow magic fairy does changed everything because you wanted this person back If you don't address the core issues and have some real rules some agreements and some boundaries on it I would not give that person the chance You agree sure, okay You know, I when I was at life spring there was something that came up Okay, they assume was a really bad word Okay, bad thing to do. Yeah, and they always would spell it out making an ass out of you and me That's what assume is And a lot of people in a relationship even in the early stages of dating they make so many Assumptions because if you're experiencing that lust or limerence They think that they're experiencing love and love is is is so much more about the agreement you make with one another It's about the it's about talking about the critical like having the critical conversations even in this video You know in a in a different louis howl video I was watching today They were talking about the importance to have conversations around money Because money is the second leading cause for divorce So you and I when within the first few weeks of our relationship we talked about our financial status to explore How this would relationship would work? So it's it's it's about being conscious and talking about I want you folks look at it this way You're walking down the street and you see a deep hole in the sidewalk, okay All of us in relationship know the pitfalls that or we should know what are the pitfalls whether It's in relationships in general Or what could be a pitfall with another person and that's usually their childhood wounds and traumas Or adult traumas that have gone unhealed So folks if you've been watching my channel, you should know all the pitfalls These are the things you should be addressing earlier on rather than hoping or assuming That it's just all magically going to go away because love is just a container But what's most important in the container is to people giving to the relationship through boundaries agreements and rules All right, i'm done ranting All right, let's keep going All right, linda writes question Not sure about your new quote Sometimes we make okay. We try to make the guys we attract the right guys But they're the wrong guy when we attract the right guy. How could we be wrong? You both are beautiful um Well, I think when you attract the right guy, it's right. It's not wrong Well, and just because it wasn't a good fit doesn't mean they're They're wrong. It's just you guys weren't a good fit. So um You just brought up something so important every relationship is happening as for us not something to us So even a relationship that doesn't work out isn't wrong It's just a relationship that didn't work out you so i'm by the way everybody I want to invite you to look back at all your past relationships and ask yourself this question What positive things did I learn about myself in each relationship? Like what positive things? I know I learned a lot in my two previous relationships. I'm sure you learned a lot in your two significant relationships um Yeah, would you be open to sharing a positive thing you learned about yourself? Oh, now you're putting me on the spot. Okay. Marie doesn't like when I put her on the spot No, I learned a lot of things about myself. I learned um Well in my my first relationship it was you know that I I'm really strong And I was really young when I got married and I learned that I I can do things on my own and And I have and I've proven it to myself. I learned to be resourceful. I learned to be You know, you told me this morning. We talked about it. You don't remember this You told me, huh? I'm a problem solver. Well, no, that's two two. But yeah, that's that's another thing you learned You know what you said to me you um in a way you learned that Love You know the fairy tale doesn't exist. You said something about a fairy tale I think what you learned what you told me this morning You said that a relationship is much more than the idea of what you thought a relationship was supposed to be like Yeah So so I'll share with you what I learned uh in my most significant relationship. I have an anxious attachment style and I knew in my My significant relationship after my divorce after repeatedly having we we would go through We would have a problem in our relationship and she would Temporarily abandon me and I would thought the sky was falling. I thought she was breaking up with me anytime. She just took like a 36 hour emotional break from the relationship Well, this happened over and over and over again, but she didn't break up with me What I learned was For myself is I learned to regulate my emotions a lot better Through that experience. So by the time I met you that anxiousness is much smaller than what it used to be And thankfully you don't emotionally abandon us or mad at me in the relationship. So coming back to your question I invite you to ask yourself What positive things that I learned about myself in each relationship And I go on to invite everyone to ask what was good about each relationship And what are you most grateful for? Gratitude is a powerful powerful Activator for attracting new love in your life. So when you can look at any past relationship and say What did I learn about myself? What was good and what am I most grateful for? You become a magnetic attractor for attracting a better relationship in your life Okay, thanks so much for that question linda. I really appreciate it Hey genie Genie's from our midlife love mastery group By the way, folks, if you want to join my private facebook group check out the link called midlife love mastery below This is your chance to have direct access to me on a regular basis We have a private facebook group and each month we do a webinar where you can talk to me directly for a very nominal fee So genie writes question I've been talking to a man and we had a misunderstanding and he swears we talked about meeting on sunday I don't remember that though a text he sounded upset about that But I oh through a text He sounded upset about that told me he would call me later, but didn't didn't call last night I wrote him told him good luck finding someone who would want to have who would want have who would want who Who you want have a misunderstanding with and that he could have been honest and say that he would call This morning. He reeked reeked me out About that and told me how wrong I was and I exploded without knowing that Um, well first off, I'm sorry that happened to you I'm gonna assume what your question is so I once had a misunderstanding with a woman I know that there was a misunderstanding on when we were supposed to speak And and then when we did eventually speak it did get very contentious This is the challenge when there are misunderstandings because When someone okay, I think a lot of humans they would rather be right than be happy So even when you said to him good luck finding You know something I think you were digging at him in that particular case. Did you get that same? So he was being a dick, but you weren't being all that gracious either by saying good luck with that I think both of you were in that space of wanting to be right And it wasn't a good fit for one another, but I will say this There are oftentimes Miscommunications in relationship. We've had a number of miscommunications over the over the months and year now that we've been together for a year We've had miscommunication I think one thing I love about Marie is you always give me the benefit of the doubt And I think I do the same for you So in this particular case, I just want to recommend sometimes giving the person the benefit of the doubt But I don't think it was cool for you to say the same, you know, you didn't have to dig at him either I think I I do want to say something though. Okay, even your your comment your question It's hard to understand So I'm I'm going to assume then there's that word that If you're communicating via text, there are going to be misunderstandings because texting is not the best way to communicate Oh, what about the other day? I sent you a text message right in front of you Do you remember not getting it? I didn't get it I was right on the couch. I sent her a text message because I wanted her to have my voice got excited I sent her a text message and I'm looking at her phone and she didn't get it. I had to and they're in it showed sent Yeah, so folks this is one of the other challenges with this form of communication A lot of miscommunication can happen because believe it or not sometimes texts don't go through So in this particular case genie I think in in the case of Both of you want to be right and you ain't going to be happy in this case and just remember I think it's always good to err on the Giving people the benefit of the doubt Okay, hope that helped. Thanks so much for your question All right, miss ashley says that's almost like ass life By the way, my name always gets confused with ashley. Yeah Yeah When a man says he's not quite ready for a committed relationship yet his actions show otherwise Extremely close cuddling kissing holding hands. What does that mean? You have something to say Uh He may have some other motives All right, so I believe the vast majority of the single population men and women alike They want occasional companionship occasional sex occasional connection, but they're not ready for commitment I think cove had brought this out for a lot of people too You know a lot of people are lonely and they want some sort of connection But that doesn't mean they're ready to commit and so the affectionate part of the way he is the close holding hands cuddling You know, those are certainly good that that shows affection towards another person This is where radical honesty laying your cards on the table and what I call rules of engagement We talked about rules earlier is to have deeper conversations Before it gets too physical by the way in that louis howe video i was watching He shared that he waited three months before they got physical with his partner Okay, not everybody does that. Yeah, okay, but that's that's certainly an honorable thing He said I didn't want to invest in this person until I knew I was sure Physically invest in the person because once you're physical with someone you can get very attached to another human being now I'm not saying that has to be in all cases But being intentional means talking about the type of relationship you'd like to have When you begin the physical aspect of the relation by the time we began our physical aspect of our relationship we had talked about Exploring a long-distance relationship and we even made plans with one another for that So anyways, that's my suggestion for you miss ashley. So thanks so much All right, uh trisha says thanks so much for your feedback on my question. You're very welcome By the way folks, we would love a donation to the connor asley scholarship fund. Please use that little dollar sign and ask a question there as well Kelly or cal says when people send me um What's that phat ic? I don't know what that word is phat ic Phantic messages such as have a great week. I feel like not responding because those kind of messages mean nothing to me Is it okay not to respond? Okay, I don't know what the word means, but i'm gonna assume this is like when people start having superficial conversations like How's your day going? Did you have a good day? I hope you had a good day. By the way, that's a line kramer said on seinfeld Okay, a lot of people have superficial conversations because they don't know how to actually Converse with someone via text messaging, but it's also an opportunity for you to respond with something With more substance. Yeah. Yeah Because some some guys just don't know how to do that and they'll do hey You get a hey, okay I have a client when she gets the hey She goes on to write a paragraph with details But asking a a deep serious question and by the way, this is a test by the way or not a test But this is an investment. She's making she's in so the guy just says hey She goes on to find something interesting in his profile. She does uses my acronym called nice n i c e nice First the the n stands for using his name in a sentence. So hey, marie, you know, so using the name The i stands for be inquisitive, you know, like asking a question The c stands for compliment and the e stands for enthusiasm or emoji So in that message, she writes something asking a question about his profile And puts in a compliment like you look, you know, you you've got great energy from your pictures or something And then leaves an emoji How he responds is how she determines whether or not she'll make a further investment Based on how much of an investment he makes from that point forward So we can take some of these superficial conversations and take it a little step further You do it as a test or an experiment if you will just to see the depth of another person Do you have a thought on that? Yeah, I call it an opportunity So when I would get the hey, yeah, I would do stuff like that like And I would make it something I don't know that I use that nice acronym but but I Depending on if they reply just with an emoji then it's like, okay Yeah, those guys those guys are done next I like that you took my phrasey ology or test and used opportunity or I said test or an experiment and you said it's an opportunity to see Just taking a little bit step further to see where this person is at so kel I hope that helps Wanda Question to Marie My friend has been checking me out. Should I ask him if he wants to be in a relationship? I can be fine with friendship or a relationship, but it has been nine months Now this question is for you Wow, so he's checking you out, but he hasn't made any moves Um, you know back to using the word opportunity. I think it's an opportunity to say hey um, if you want to take this a little further I Uh, I welcome the opportunity to get to know you Better or on a deeper level and see where he goes from there Yeah, I don't I don't think yeah. I'm well going back to I wouldn't go immediately into a relationship. No, I wouldn't need to get to know Yeah, so what is dating deading is a process of bedding. It's a process of getting to know another person So you can create the opportunity to say would you like to spend some time getting to know one another? I think it's okay that women make, you know that initial Contact I know it's all met, you know, you just sit back in your feminine energy and let the guy lead But folks, I mean, you know, it's okay to email the guy first on a dating site. It's okay to send the first message You know, it's just an opportunity. What happens next is are two people mutually investing in one another You know, but when you're talking about the dating apps making the first contact I viewed it as no big deal. I was also told by some Some people that I later got to know that I just didn't seem approachable by looking at my profile So that's how I learned how to I kept rewriting it until I got Well, but it's usually not the essay that makes you unapproachable. It's the pictures Okay, so in full confession. I saw Marie's profan I thought, you know, she had a couple of shots that looked glamorous to me and I thought It was like they were great pictures. They were great photographs. There's no doubt But I I viewed her as what I call Beverly Hills glam And by the way, if any of you watched any of the reality tv with the housewives of Beverly Hills You're certainly as beautiful as some of those women. I think you're most beautiful compared to most of them But there was an impression I had based on that kind of look. That was a stereotype. I had I made a judgment Wrong, I was wrong Wait, she likes hearing me say that I was wrong. I made an assumption I'm sure a lot of men made an assumption about you. What is an assumption making an ass out of you and me Okay, but there was this There I wasn't going to say you were unapproachable But maybe it was my own insecurities That I couldn't live up to that standard of living that I thought you were presenting Okay, okay, folks in all fairness. She had a lot of travel photographs in her profile She'd been all around the world and I'm like I barely went out of my backyard So in some case some cases a lot of travel can indicate I need a lot of money to be able to support this person But that's assumptions people make so what do we do? We create an opportunity by going outside of our comfort zone And just being curious so with you I end up being curious and I found you to be nothing like Beverly Hills glam So anyway, I got I'm listening. I know I threw myself under the bus there, but I will own my assumptions In your opinion, what uh sis says in your opinion, what are the worst ways a man can make the first move to a woman? Thank you I Well, the first one that came to my mind is dick pics. I think that's the worst You know the worst one or asking you for for Some erotic type of picture from you. Hmm. Yeah, can you send me naked pictures? I think that's the that's the all-time worst moves There's probably well. I think some men get very sexual very early on what we But that's I if you're really looking for a relationship I that wouldn't have worked for me at all In fact, those were the first that I don't care what they presented on their profiles though They were an automatic delete delete or block. Okay. And so, you know, it's funny I lately I've just been getting a lot of spam text messages and I know it's a it's a spam You know trying to engage in conversation when someone acts out of I don't want to say integrity because for them That is their integrity, you know, but out of out of Out of respect. I think people that initiate sexual contact without any real You know Mutual agreement. I think when people do that that's disrespectful and they deserve to be deleted right away to me. They're just perverts Okay. Well, yes, they are or can be um By the way, leaf wants to go on to say both excellent Louis Howe and the school of greatness will help you learn so much and lead you to some of the very best experts in the field Folks, I'm so glad leaf brought that up because I watch marinosus. I watch a lot of different Contemporaries of mine. I listen to a lot of different podcasts. I'm not here to espouse. I know everything about relationships I even watch contemporaries like matthew hussey and matt boggs You know, we talk about matthew hussey because I think on some cases you have a lot of great content I think in my particular case what makes me unique is i'm in the midlife category I think he's in a younger category But why i'm bringing this up is there are some great people out there that provide a lot of great content What I don't think is good content is a lot of the stuff that comes out on tiktok A lot of dating advice by people giving advice all based on ego-based or all advice based on the ego or based on uh Rules and expectations I'm not a big fan. Well a rule within an agreement is fine, but Pre-conceived rules about relationships end up in disaster. So but louis howe is one of those people I highly recommend checking out his podcast um One of our facebook members says I agree with you jonathan most women have a broken picker no picker at all Thank god for you and other dating or our dating coach. Thank you so much. I appreciate that Wow, we got a lot of questions. Um Oh and christina is right on regarding lessons learned That's why everyone we meet is the right person if we think of them as a lesson good or bad I've learned a lot of lessons. Trust me exactly Okay Um Hold on a second see what we've got it We are way behind like 20 minutes behind. Okay question from the sunshine fee Do men over 40 expect women to be financially independent and not to provide for them? Breathe that again. Do men over 40 expect women to be financially independent and not provide for them Okay I'm gonna jump in on this one. I think this is a great question and we're gonna unpack this. Okay So here's the reality of life Most people over 45 years old who are single and actively dating are divorced. Okay, roughly about 75 percent of the population Number one divorce within divorce can come alimony child support visitation rights You know Family court all this kind of stuff. So just recognize that a vast majority of people if they have children Which I think the I'm I'm going to guess 70 or 80 percent of the population over 45 do have children I'm just speculating with that. Okay. Let's put that in a box. The next box is 80 percent of americans In the united states make less than a hundred thousand dollars a year In fact, the average american barely has over three months of savings in the bank Should there be you know a financial calamity within their life? That's the reality Okay, so if we take all these factors Most men over 45 years old don't have enough of the resources to support two families I'm not saying there aren't plenty of men that can support two families, but a significant percentage Can only take care of themselves. So do they seek women who can also take care of themselves? Yes, okay, you could take care of yourself before you met me I could take care of myself before we met and two incomes are better than one So that's a reality. Yes, there are outliers There's certainly that one to two to three percent of the population that makes over $250,000 a year has the capacity to support two Families or two people but most people Recognize that most men and women are looking for people that can at least take care of themselves You were looking for someone who could take care of themselves, right? Well, absolutely, but I wanted the jet And I wanted you to be as rich as jaylo We were watching a documentary on jaylo last night Um, but with that said you weren't looking for someone to save you rescue you or support. No, okay All right. Thank you for that question. I appreciate that All right, michelle g writes Marie does jonathan always over explain everything and does it drive you crazy? Just giving you a hard time jonathan All right, that's your question. No He doesn't over explain it Well, we've talked about this because this is my channel. Well, some things. Yes, because I'm I'm not a dating coach Yeah, and so, you know, but I listened to him and I think I'm learning here and there Well, I I reckon that like I can tell when you don't know what you want to say But I know you have a lot to say But I do want to share with everyone. Marie does feel a little she shared this with me She does feel a little uncomfortable because she takes time to process what she wants to say and when that Time is kind of quiet. What do I do? I fill the space with talk By the way, you do the same thing But I've never been a public speaker. Yeah, you are. Yeah Okay, so in all fairness, that's what's going on. Thanks, michelle g for that one. All right, let's keep going Um Oh roller girl. Thank you so much for the dollar nine nine cents super sticker for connor. We really appreciate that All right, let's keep going here McCoy's What is your both of you definition of online date? I had I have had guys say that to me We are online date. I am like we are ha ha Well to me online dating is not dating Yeah, keep going. It's just You know communicating to see if you even want to take it further But if you're talking I gotta look up something if they're long distance You know all these people we saw this show. What is it again the prison? Oh love prison love prison And these are people that have been have been communicating for sometimes a couple years They've never met and oh, it's their soulmate and they're great and all this and then they meet they can't stand each other so By the way, I was looking up that word fatic Oh, what is it? Denoting or relating to language used for the general purposes of social interaction Rather than to convey information or ask question. So this is going back to linger Singers question fatic language. So she talked about that. I didn't I've never heard that word before I don't think you heard him. So this was new to me, but I was looking that up. What were we just talking about the love prison? Oh What was the question? I can't remember the question now. I did one of my squirrels Um, wait, hold on. Oh this one Definition of date, okay, so I don't believe in online dating now I've had people that I communicated with and then we had some zoom dates never met the guy in person um, we had a couple of those and and then it just kind of fizzled out because he didn't He didn't make him move to come to chicago. Okay. So during covid a lot of people had A date, you know a cyber date. I'd rather call it a cyber date. Okay Where they basically had a date over, you know a zoom call a facetime that sort of thing I don't consider that a date. I think that's just part of the I think a date happens when you're physically in each other's presence I think it takes about 10 dates To begin to get to know someone at some basic level. You need to have 10 separate interactions Okay, face-to-face interactions. Here's what I'm concerned about so many of you falling into the trap of Dating through your devices and what I mean to say is you're not really dating You're doing a lot of communicating through your devices and you're experiencing something known as artificial intimacy I remember I was talking about that the other day about artificial intimacy Yeah, well, that's what happened on on that love prison. Exactly love prison people were experiencing artificial intimacy see today we as we are seeing a Substantial increase in artificial intimacy and what's missing is until two people Physically start spending time together You're not really getting to know one another and how do you get to know one another? What's my rhetoric? Social activities hobbies mutual interest spending time with family and friends traveling together teamwork building skills Both in your personal and your professional life Intimacy both physical and emotional intimacy that leads either moving in together getting married Okay, but and okay. Thank you. They are They're good tools to see if you even want to meet this person Oh, you mean using your devices to because Yeah, but if it goes I prefer to vet someone Through a zoom call or a FaceTime and yes then to yes, you know get all dolled out to go out and And then you're like, okay. This is a dud Okay, but let's okay Yes, I am in full agreement of that but not for six months two years like on that show Like that that one guy that I was just talking about Um, and I I learned some things about him that I thought I don't think this is a good fit Um, he was ocd and he would take on a sport and he would just do that do that do that Do that and then he would move on to something else and so so I thought to myself Is he like that with everything that it's going to be that way with a relationship? Then, you know, he'll get into the relationship and then He'll move on because some wants to do something different So I felt that that was a great way to use devices as a tool Okay, I'm in full favor of having someone. Okay. I call it my three two one three role Okay, I don't think you've ever heard me talk about this. I did talk about it in one video So three stands for have three email exchanges with one another Okay, you met on a dating site, okay Well, yeah, well three well you and I had a couple email exchanges which leads to either one or two phone calls Which leads to one date all within a three week period of time So three email exchanges should lead to one or two phone calls should lead to one date all within a three week period of time Yeah, that didn't work for us Well in our well because we had distance but my point in bringing this up is Folks in our particular case. We had distance now in that one year that we communicated with one another We only connected six seven or eight times on the phone We weren't doing the incessant communication with one another and we weren't texting And we were just I was a text and if nothing we weren't dating We were just developing a little bit of a friendship So by the time we met and we physically met with one another We both wanted to explore dating with one another and it immediately turned into a relationship because of the distance We didn't do this incessant communication. We were just friends with one another Texting is a great tool to begin some surface level getting to know someone But ultimately you have to do it face to face because you really don't know someone until you spend time with them Okay all right The sunshine fee question. I'm in my early 50s and been single since 31. I'm hoping not 1931 That's just a joke. Okay, so in 31 years old. How can I keep my hope alive to find someone? Do you want me to answer that go ahead? Okay, sunshine fee I have hundreds and hundreds of clients who are in their mid 60s Late 60s and even early 70s that wish they were 50 years old Okay, you have plenty of life in you. How do you keep the hope up so you can hire me as a coach? I'm definitely a good cheerleader for that. But I'm here to say is By the way, we met each other, you know, we're in our 50s when we met. Okay, folks There are plenty of people in their 50s Who are meeting falling in love getting married getting engaged and that sort of thing. So first off How can I keep my hope up? Just absolutely believe that it's possible number one Put yourself out there to be seen by single eligible man Stay in the game and most importantly have a good representation of yourself in the game because there's a lot of competition out there I mean, I'm sorry to say there's a lot. There are over 120 million singles Over 18 years old here in the united states So you might go, oh my god, that's a lot But that also means there's people to choose from too And there's a teapot for every kettle out there. There is just let me just say this Just trust that somebody is out there That's a perfect fit for you and just put yourself out there and make the effort Every pot has its lid. Oh lid. That's what I said. That's what I meant to say You know, uh, folks when I'm on camera, I get nervous and I make a lot of faux pas. So Can you get nervous? I get believe it or not. I get nervous Marie you're an asset. Please don't go away. No matter what we need you to so appreciate Donna, thank you. I'm in full agreement. We need you I need you in a good way not in a desperate way. It's nice to be wanted. Oh Um Oops michelle g writes I watched love prison the couples seem like they never got the person they were expecting You know, this is what happens with so many of you I'm being blunt here. So many of you are attached to a cyber relationship There's a four-letter word. I want you to wait. There's a there's two words First one is four letters. The second one is two letters. Stop it Stop engaging in incessant online communication and take it from offline to or online to offline All right. Hey, we're going past an hour sweetheart Uh question is it normal for a guy to go on a long extensive dates with you We've been talking six to eight hours yet does not call or phone and prefers to text. Is that a red flag? I I wouldn't I wouldn't go but is it normal for a guy to go on long extensive dates with you? So is that a phone? It's a phone date. We've been talking. Oh Yeah, I'm not a big fan of you know Okay, folks, let me just share something with you By the time I physically met marie We'd spoken on the phone a number of times for a few hours But that was over the course of a year six seven times by the time I met you I didn't really like talking on the phone anymore I rather wanted to be with you not use the phone as a way to stay connected Although in the beginning I did enjoy it But by the time we had spent significant time like now when you travel when you go to visit your grandkids I don't want to talk on the phone. I hate talking on the phone. I'd rather have the real person So choose people that actually physically want to spend time with you not on the telephone a lot of that telephone time You know People who have gone through emotional traumas of divorce Or some sort of trauma in their life Use the telephone as their their therapist I'm gonna tell you a lot of you folks. Hi. I I went through all right. Do you want to share a little bit about that? I mean, well Not really, but I but you get attached to a person that you're not with and You know, I'm not a good texture You can tell you that. Oh my god. She's a terrible texture. Oh my gosh She's one finger at a time. It's annoying to watch marie send a text message Um, but just in all fairness marie did find herself in a situation where she was connecting with someone Through their mutual traumas in her past and in people's mutual traumas They can they can literally use the other person unintentionally as a therapist and sometimes we have what's known as Transference what that means is we get attached to the other person when it may not be a healthy relationship to get attached to I'm not a big proponent of people spending incessant amount of time talking on the telephone I'm a big proponent to people meeting sooner rather than later. All right Oh, by the way, we have a whole fan club here marie. You're an absolute asset to the channel. Thank you for contributing your time Thank you. Um holly jay writes. I agree marie is wonderful asset and a blessing. Okay, um By the way, marie you can voice text. She doesn't know how to do that either I do. I just don't like it. I don't like putting my voice In there. Oh, you mean like the you pressed like what we did with the Stephanie voice text. That's what we did a voice text Yeah, oh by the way, uh roller girl says I love this love fest for you between marie and jonathan By the way, are you willing to share the note I sent to you beforehand that I told you to read after this You know, and I don't remember exactly what Okay, it was really sweet. Okay before I we had this uh before we did this live stream I actually left marie a note on her glam table Um, and I told her to read it after this but we read it ahead of time I was sharing how much I appreciate you being on the channel to support my mission of helping people choose better in relationship And I also said I appreciate your wisdom. I'm sharing everybody what I shared, but I also appreciate it I'm very grateful for the contribution you are making to other people's lives and look at the comments. You're getting from that So, thank you. Oh zen gal goes on to say she is off the scales. You're lucky jonathan. I know that I know i'm lucky Oh, okay Marie is beautiful inside out, you know, I think this would be a great place to love fest for marie Um, folks, we are so grateful that you appreciate the content. I hope we're making a difference in your life. Do you agree? I hope so Because we I think you are you Appreciate my mission for making a difference in people's lives, but more importantly to choose better in relationship I do and I get I get to hear him And some of his coaching calls and I only hear his side And it's always something loving and caring and he really is a cheerleader for everybody that he works with Thank you for that. I appreciate that and by the way, I hope you think you're lucky too Of course I am Okay, that's my meeting this coming out Oh Wait, did you see the clarification from miss ashley? Oh No, we were talking about the dates that we go on Or six and eight hours long, but he only texts when we're not together. No phone calls. Oh, I'm so sorry. I misunderstood that um so um You know what I wasn't like Some guys don't like to talk on the phone. Yeah, my best friend hates talking on the phone. He doesn't like texting either He's like some men prefer like look what he's spending six or eight hours with you So that's great that he wants to spend that much time with you Um, just remember depending on how far apart the two of you live This is tricky because some men just don't enjoy talking on the telephone. They'd much rather have face to face time Here's where you might want to make a request because if there's a lot of space in between dates I think it's important to keep the kind of the the spark going And you can simply make it like if you were going to make a request You're the expert at making requests Okay, so how would you make a request for asking for a little telephone time in between dates? You know bill. I really enjoy spending time with you and But I would really love it if we could you know touch base on the phone every now and then that would make a big difference So something like that you said I believe the word you said I would feel really good if you did this I would feel really good if you did this. This is an opportunity. We men like to be the heroes So if we know this makes you feel good It creates an opportunity for him to make you feel good if he genuinely cares about you He will make the effort and here's the tricky part. Some guys are stubborn Okay, but even the stubborn guys who don't want to talk on the telephone if they're into you They'll do it. So simply make the request miss ashley and see what happens from there You could tell them. I love hearing your voice I like I love hearing your voice. That's great. So you can be cute about it. I think that's great So we hope that answers your question. We've been going for quite some time sweetheart Um All right, this would be this miss ashley. He's looking for connection companionship and sex That's possibly it Okay And uh, miss ashley says thank you. Well, we're we're we're happy to have helped. Oh, I think she was thanking th Okay, and last but not least we're going to leave on this note read out loud what that says Marie is lucky to have Jonathan All right, we hope you got value why men men over 40 need this to settle down And commit and I talked about the it factor a little bit but more importantly I talked about resonance and remember for a man or woman to settle down They have to be in a good place in their life. They have to be open and desirous of a full commitment They need to be the best version of themselves and most importantly They need to show up with good character and caring for other people And those are just some of the factors needed to be able to settle down and commit All right, we're gonna wrap up this video as I always do when you're on. Can I give you a big gigantic jonathan bear hug? Did I get one back? Oh, thank you so much. Sweetheart everyone. Thank you so much I want to thank alissa who says maria. So pretty you're lucky jonathan. I agree. Amy says Thank you jonathan marie for another amazing conversation And genie says I think you're equally lucky. I agree Folks, I want to thank amy and lisi and joys and jenny and th and sunshine fee and miss ashley and gg And leaf and zen gal and sharon and hilda and michelle And sharon tea and holly and enzi bear roller girl everyone. Thanks so much. Have a fab evening. Be well. Bye now