 What's hot you guys? So I'm an idiot. I just filmed this video and I've really high energy jumping and bouncing around and I used up all my energy and my microphone was unplugged. The entire day I'm cheaper problems. So I've now got 18 minutes of silent footage. You'll never find anyone that loves you the way I love you. You're too easily triggered. You could lose a bit of weight. You're the reason I'm going to kill myself. If you leave me I'm going to kill myself. You're stupid. You let everyone around you manipulate you. No one will ever love you how I love you. I'd never hit you. I hate myself. I hate myself and I hate myself. This is take two of the video. Hey what's up you guys welcome back to my channel if you're new here. Hi how long my age video and I'm meant to help videos pretty much every single day. Have my off day so I don't hurt every day. Don't let me drown. It's that my lack of trust in people taught me. This video is deep you guys. This video took so much out of me to make and I filmed it once already today and I was really bouncy and jumpy and ah so I'm going to bounce the issue straight out of here. I lost a little bit of weight. I'm happier. Okay I'm happier. I'm doing a giveaway that ends on the 7th of September. All you have to do to be entered that is to be subscribed to the notification on the hit the like button and leave a comment that does a question. That's all you have to do to be entered into the giveaway. This finishes on September 7th which is this Saturday which happens to be the day that I'm moving. If you're wondering why I'm so hyperactive, I don't know. I've had no sugar today so my body's hyper. So you may have noticed I haven't really uploaded that much this summer and I've been a bit, put me up loads. Shout out to Stephanie if you're here. What's up girl. Make sure you're wacking that dislike button as always. Anyone who doesn't know about drama is, full of story. So let's get into the deal. Why am I jumping? I'm literally jumping to do this. This video is an important one I think and what I'm covering is the fact that I have a lack of trusting people. I don't trust people. You know I find it hard to trust people who just haven't been that nice to me in the past and I find it hard to trust people generally now because of how many mistakes I've made. So I'm going to quickly address the mistakes because I've been very upfront and honest. I've made mistakes this year. I've been friends with the wrong people, let the wrong people answer my channel and pissed off a lot of people. And what I want to say is I want this video to be all the lessons that I've learned from this year basically and what I've learned from not trusting people. So I used to be the kind of person that would trust and believe anything that was said to me. You could tell me anything and I'd believe it because I didn't know reason to doubt you. I don't know you. And now I'm very googly. I google everything. Oh, that was unexpected. Oh, this. What's wrong with me today? Things that my lack of trust has caused me to be when I'm around people or getting to know someone is I don't trust anybody. For all I know, anything. And because of having bad experiences now, I've had abusing, manipulating and causing a lot of stress for me. I don't trust anyone. And not trusting anybody has led me to be very cautious around people now. And believe me, if someone asked me on Facebook, they are googled. The second thing is I second guess absolutely everything. I don't believe everything that said to me anymore. It's taken a lot to get to that point, you know. I hate saying that because I do trust people, but I don't. Like if I don't know you, I don't trust you. But at the same time, I share my entire life online. So one thing, this is another thing that's like really important and very distinct to my life and what I've been through. And that is don't date people who have a history of being manipulative, abusive or trying to, you know, use people. If they've got a history of it, they're not datable. They're not bearable. They're not tolerable. They're just all around fucking horrible people. I think the moment anyone is abusive, aggressive, violent, or just all around horrible or mean, they don't have a place in your life, you know. They're not respecting you for who you are. They're not treating you how you deserve to be treated. If you are in a relationship, you care for each other, but you don't make someone feel bad so you can feel victorious. Like, that's not how a relationship works. The fourth lesson I've learned is I can never please anyone. And like I said at the start's video, Stephanie, how you doing? How you doing, girl? Not everyone does please you. You manipulate everything that sounds like I'm some evil person and I'm not. Thanks for that, by the way. How was your 73 or 74 followers doing? Oh fuck sake, alarm. Alarm? Clock? That's a thing. That's not what's that though. That's just a clock. I love it. Cool. Jingle. Yeah. Number four is I can never please everybody. No one can please everybody and this is something that's really hard to learn, especially when you do YouTube. You want to please everyone. You want to please the haters and you can never do that. If someone doesn't like you, they don't like you and that's that. Yes, I think it's wrong to go out of your way to make someone else feel bad about themselves. I'll never support that. I think if you don't like someone, you should just go your separate ways. Like, it's quite an easy concept. If you don't like me, I don't like you. Bye. No need for all the petty in between bitchiness on life. The number five is something that people need to know, especially if you've been in abuse relationships and people told you it's not serious. It's not valid. Don't let anyone invalidate you. Your experience is valid and your emotions are valid. Something that I've had said to me is what you went through doesn't count. It's not as serious as this. No two stories are ever like there are different people. You have to remember that. People are different. The thing you have to remind yourself is what they did to me is wrong. It was abusive and this is my story and I'm allowed to tell it. People don't like it. Good for them. They can they can fuck off and deal with it, you know. The thing is, I want to say is if you don't trust someone and what they say or you think you recognise them or you just don't have a bad feeling or you just want to be knows it. Google them. If they're googleable, bye. They're googleable in a bad way, like criminal records. Believe it or not, if you know someone's address, you can put it in. You can find the crime statistics. It's like interesting as full. You can google anything these days. It's really not hard to use the internet. You can get someone's first and last name and you can know like their address, their phone number, where they live. You can do anything with the internet. The second thing I want to add is if people don't respect you from the start, like if they are just horrible to you, I can't think of another word to use other than horrible, they can fuck off, you know. They can do one. No one has the right to treat you like shit and I don't care what your past is, what you've done. If you piss people off and that's fine, yeah whatever that happened. No one has the right to treat you like any less of a person than they are. No one needs that negativity. Negativity is not good for anyone. I know my channel is sometimes depressing and very true to life. I share my life as it happened, not as in the past of it. My mom's not that. I thought I saw the legs just not on right, okay. Number three, if you're in a relationship especially or even friendships, if it gets physical, it'll happen again. If it ever gets physical, say bye. Take it for someone who knows. Someone who's been through it, someone who knows how that all works. Like I wouldn't make the mistake of saying to someone because it'll get better. They won't do it again because they will. They have the capability of doing it again. And number four is don't let people make you feel like you are invalid. Everything you go for is valid and it's about perceptions, perceptions of everything. We all have different views on things. Your view and your story is your own and not anyone else's. You cannot invalidate someone's story because you don't agree with it. And again, your emotions are valid. These are all things that I've learned this year and this year as some of you guys will know, it's been one of the hardest years of my life. I've been in and out of hospital a lot because I've made multiple attempts in my life. I've been very down, very depressed. I lost my friend early this year and that was a really hard time. And you know, I documented my life because I know that other people are going through it. And it's not comfortable to record yourself when you're at crisis. It's not comfortable to record yourself when you can't eat. It's not comfortable to record anything when you are feeling ill mentally or physically. But when you're mentally ill, like you can still film. Like this is something that people say, like how can you film when you're at crisis? The thing is, I'm very comfortable talking to a camera. I'm also, I'm very aware that other people are going through it. My channel is all about making people feel less alone. Being some master mental health person, I'm not. I'm not even training them to be in mental health. I'm literally some 21-year-old sharing her life story and her experience on YouTube and that is what I do. This video is every important one to me because like I said, I've made mistakes this year, openly and publicly. But I don't regret any of the videos I've made at all. Like none of the videos I've made, I regret. Yes, I've taken some videos down. That's simply because I'm not comfortable with them being up. I deleted some of the videos I filmed when I was in hospital because I just wasn't comfortable with them being up anymore. I deleted a lot from when I was younger because it raised me of a very traumatic time in my life. And when you get comments on videos, you can see the video and you have to click onto the video. And it's so emotionally draining that I just had to take some videos down. And that's not the hive and I think that's not the hideaway from my past. I've got a whole video on here talking about my mental health journey. I've got vlogs from my last admission from the beginning to the end like seemingly going on leave and sometimes it went badly, sometimes it went great and that's what life's about. Life is about the good, the bad and not ugly. You know, I have no issue sharing my life. Yeah, it's hard, you know. Like it is hard to put out there like your most vulnerable moments and then putting them out of the policy. And in my case there's a whole account on Twitter dedicated to bringing everything I say down and it's hard, you know. And I have a right to be pissed off at that. I have a right to dislike that someone does that. Stephanie, welcome. It's not nice. I think you have to think about is what would you think if someone did it to you? Like if you have a hate page about someone, what would you do if someone did that about you? How would you feel? You know, maybe you're not sensitive, maybe you don't care, but I don't do anything maliciously here. I do it with the intention of raising awareness and being there for people who think they're alone. Because mental illness can be so isolating and that's my message with any video I put out here. And with that, I'm going to end this video here. Thank you for watching. Thank you for supporting me and if you want to enter the giveaway, hit the subscribe button, turn notifications on and leave a comment of a question. And that is all you have to do. The giveaway ends on the 7th of September so unfortunately if it is after that date and you're watching this, you can no longer enter the giveaway. However, the giveaway is a self-care box which is the might of myself on my Etsy store, which will be linked in the description down below. Thank you for watching and thank you for your support. Peace.