 CHAPTER XI of TELL IT ALL by Fanny Stenhouse. It was fortunate for the Swiss mission that the new converts in general could not read any language but their own, and were thus ignorant of the deceptions which the American elders had practiced upon the people. Sir Petit Pierre, the Protestant minister who thought that the revelation ought to be prayerfully considered, was the only one who understood English, and his knowledge was very limited. His wife did not at all coincide with him about the prayerful consideration of polygamy. She disposed of the subject without any prayer at all, and it is to be regretted that in this respect the whole body of the Mormon women did not follow her example. But arguments she used I do not know, but that they were very much to the point no one can doubt, for they banished forever all thoughts of polygamy from her husband's mind. It was said among the saints that she was very energetic in her private discussions with her husband, but however this might be it is certain that Monsieur Petit Pierre resisted as long as he could, for the revelation quite fascinated the childless old man, and it is possible that he might have held fast to the faith, but unfortunately just then certain documents and publications of the apostles and a very large amount of evidence respecting them and their doings attracted his attention. He was in the main a good and truthful man, although of small mental calibre, and the deceptions and contradictions which he discovered quite disgusted him. His wife's strong personal arguments gave the finishing blow to his faith, and the spell was broken. The vision of a modern Hagar and a little Ishmael vanished from his mind. He apostatized, and Mr. Stenhouse lost the services of a very useful translator. When I heard that he had left the church, how I wished that I could have followed in his footsteps, but apostasy for Mormonism is only possible to two classes, the young disciple who has embraced the faith more from enthusiasm than from conviction, whose experience is limited, and the old disciple who has entirely outgrown it and has become disgusted with it all. I was neither of these. My faith was too firmly grounded to admit of my giving it up, though I hated polygamy I did not dare to question the divinity of its origin. I only pitted myself and my sex for the burden which God has seen fit to place upon us. I never for a moment supposed that any man would have been so wicked as to fabricate a revelation or so blasphemous as to palm it off in the name of the Lord. Oh yes, I hated polygamy in my heart, and my efforts in teaching it only increased my hatred, for when I was gravely told by the elders that woman had been cursed in the Garden of Eden and that polygamy was one of the results of that curse, her desire shall be unto her husband and he shall rule over her. I must confess that my heart within me was rebellious. From my earliest childhood I had thought of God as a father and a friend, to whom I might go and tell all my griefs and cares, but now he was presented to me as a hard task master, not as a father or a friend. I met with much kindness, but I did not meet with much sympathy from the brethren. They could not understand that opposition to polygamy was anything else than selfishness on the part of the sisters. They did not comprehend the feelings of a woman's heart, its craving for some object upon which to devote its whole wealth of love. They were taught that theirs was a nobler position than that of the sisters, and that women might consider themselves sufficiently honoured in being allowed to become the mothers of their children. Subsequent to the introduction of polygamy I will say but little, except that it was too successful. The same sorrow and indignation which Madame Belif had so forcibly expressed were shown by almost every new convert, and I had to bear the blame of teaching such a doctrine. The sisters had become unhappy, and had wished that they had died in ignorance of Mormonism, and I felt humbled to the dust to think that I should be the innocent cause of so much misery to others. I looked anxiously for a change, but the only change which seemed probable was that we might be permitted to emigrate to Utah, and there was no comfort for me in that prospect. We remained in Switzerland until the close of the year, 1854, and through the unremitting efforts of my husband Mormonism was introduced into six cantons of the Confederation. Monsieur Belif became an indefatigable missionary, as was also Governor Studeman, and to their liberality and zeal Mr. Stenhouse was greatly indebted. With the aid of Monsieur Belif he established in Geneva a monthly periodical in the French language for the edification of the saints beside a volume in reply to the attacks of the clergy and many minor effusions. At that time there was a great excitement among the saints in Utah. Grigam Young and his apostles were denouncing the Gentiles in the most unmeasured language. As I write a volume of sermons delivered at that time is before me, and I really can hardly credit that so much ridiculous nonsense, bad grammar, and blasphemy could ever have been uttered in a public place of worship, yet it was so. The saints were told that in these last times all the vials of the wrath of God were about to be poured upon the earth, wars and desolations, anarchy and persecution, fire, pestilence, and unheard of horrors were to desolate all the world until men should call upon the rocks to hide them, and in the bitterness of their souls cursed the day in which they were born. Death was to be sought for, but not found. Believing as they did that all of this was true it is no wonder that the saints in Europe were alarmed and became anxious to emigrate to Utah where they were told they would be safe. A seven years famine was said to be at the door when a sack of wheat should be sold for a sack of gold, and Gentile kings and princes were to come and crouch to the saints for a morsel of bread. The very women in Zion were counseled to sell the ribbons from their bonnets to buy flour with the proceeds, and to hide it away against the day of wrath. The brethren and sisters in Switzerland who could dispose of their property hastened to flee to Zion. Some did so at a ruinous sacrifice. One gentleman, a Monsieur Rubella, I knew who was a part, proprietor of a newspaper and printing establishment, in a very short time it would have been entirely in his own hands, but he sold out at a great loss, dreading that the storm might overtake him before he reached the chambers of the Lord in the mountains as the elders called Salt Lake City. The journey from Europe to Utah at that time occupied six or eight months. It was a very tedious pilgrimage. My Swiss friends had first to travel to Liverpool, thence by sailing vessel to New Orleans, by steamer up the Mississippi as far as St. Louis, up the Missouri to the frontiers, and then across the plains by ox-teams. Much of this distance had to be travelled during the worst part of the year. They left their homes while the Ura Mountains were still draped in snow, and those who escaped the ravages of Cholera and the perils of the way reached their destination just as the frosts of winter were beginning to whiten the hoary heads of the hills which stand above Zion. All the Swiss pilgrims travelled together until they arrived at St. Louis, there they separated one party going up the river and the other making the journey over land. The Cholera attacked the latter party and cut off the greater number of them and their bones now whiten the prairie. The news of their death soon arrived in Switzerland, and the people at Lausanne were exasperated against the Mormon missionaries, and when my husband visited that place he found it prudent not to remain long. At the same time those of the saints whose relations had perished in the emigration were pained to hear that it was because they had not obeyed counsel and had gone up the river with the other party that they fell by the way. And as if in mockery of this statement the next news that we received was that a Missouri steamer on board of which were many Mormon missionaries, almost obedient to counsel, had been blown to Adams. Many of the saints began to consider these things and their love waxed cold. Through all this our position was anything but pleasant, and my husband applied for permission to be released from the presidency of the Swiss and Italian missions in order that he might gather to Zion. His request was granted, and in the autumn of 1854 we bade a final adieu to Switzerland. We might now be said to have begun our journey to Zion, although we tarried long by the way and several years elapsed before we reached our destination. When we arrived in London we obtained apartments in the House of the President of the London Conference, and there I had opportunities of observing the effects of the system upon the English saints. Elder Marsden, the President, was a thorough Mormon and a man who was very highly thought of. He had been acquainted with all the apostles and high priests who had resided in Liverpool, the great rendezvous of the saints in England, had been President of the Conference there, and now occupied the highest position of the European mission. He was a pleasant, intelligent man, who in his day had done much to build up the church, but like his two predecessors, John Banks and Thomas Margettes, he also apostatised from the Mormonism of later years. At the time, however, of which I speak, he was considered to be of good standing among the saints. Up to this time I had never seriously doubted my religion, and I probably never should have done so had it not been for the introduction of polygamy. But what I saw in London at that time sadly shook my faith, and the stories which I heard from Utah quite frightened me. Everything of course was openly said, and at first I disbelieved every evil report, until at last it was impossible for me altogether to reject what was told me. The testimony of an apostate, or of a Gentile, would have been dismissed with contempt. But when we saw letters from mothers to their children, and husbands to their wives, all people of unquestioned faith, setting forth the troubled state of men's minds in Utah, expressing fears for their own safety, and hinting at cutting off the transgressor, and the doings of avenging angels, we could not cast them aside with contempt. My views of the glories of Zion were changing, henceforth I was never firm in the faith, I felt that there was something wrong. Perhaps the reader may think that now I might have left the church, and thus have avoided all those troubles which awaited me in Utah, but let him remember that although my faith was shaken, it was not wholly destroyed. All that I clung to on earth, my husband whom I truly loved, and my darling children, were part and parcel of Mormonism. I could not tear myself from them, and isolate my soul from all that made my life worth having. My unsettled state of mind, however, did not long remain a secret. It was spoken of among the saints, and I became an object of interest. The pastor over the London and adjoining conferences was the son of one of the chief apostles in Utah, a young man whose good nature was far better than his religion. He visited us very frequently, and used to bring with him the distinguished American elders who might be visiting the metropolis. I have no doubt that they were sincere in their desire to do me good, but it was not kind attentions that I then needed. It was the removal of the cause of my sorrows. They tried to persuade me that it was all the work of the Lord, but I could not see it in that light, and very often in reply to their consolations I said very hard things of polygamy and the leaders of the church whose conduct I considered sinful. And in this I did not stand alone, for I soon found that the president of the conference, Elder Marston, had been in the same position for years and his wife was quite through with Mormonism. In fact, so great had been the distrust occasioned by polygamy that in the report ending June 30th, 1853, it was stated that from the whole British church, which then numbered very nearly 31,000 souls, 1776 had been excommunicated for apostasy. Of those who remained faithful I cannot give a much more cheering account. The elders who visited President Marston made as damaging reports of the conditions of the saints as their worst enemies could desire. All that my young friend Mary Burton had told me did not equal the truth of what I saw for myself. No one had any confidence now in what the elders said. How could they be trusted after so many years of deception? The elders who visited me and reasoned with me about my want of faith tried to persuade me to be baptized again. Among the Mormons it is the privilege of the faithful to be baptized over and over again, as often as may be needed for the remission of their sins which are thus washed away, and the penitent is unable to start afresh. At that time of fearful excitement in Utah called by the Mormons the Reformation, when people were being exhorted under terrible penalties to confess their sins, many were so frightened that they acknowledged themselves guilty of crimes of which they had never dreamed, while at the same time many horrible and detestable sins were brought to light. Brigham and the leaders found that they were confessing too much. The sinners were far more numerous than the godly. Brigham, with his usual craft, soon found a way of escape. The people were told to be baptized again, and then their sins being washed away they could truly say they were not guilty of such crimes of which they might be accused. I was not convinced, and did not see that I had anything to repent of, but I was quite willing to be rebaptised if it was thought proper. At the same time I stipulated that the president of the conference, Elder Marston, should be baptized with me. I felt that if I required rebaptising how much more necessary was it for Elder Marston to have his sins washed away also. I partly believed in the fearful stories that I had heard from Zion, but it was he who had shown them to me. The pastor of the conference gave no sign that he suspected my meaning in wishing Elder Marston to be baptized at the same time as I was, though I believe he must have formed a pretty shrewd guess. And so we too went down into the water. But I am afraid that little of our sins was washed away. Not long after President Marston apostatised, and my heart remained as hard as ever. At least I was frequently told so. Poor Elder Marston, he was branded with the most approprious titles which Mormon ingenuity or malice could fling against him. And yet I know of many men, not one or two, associated most intimately with Brigham Young today, whose faith is not a whit stronger than that apostates who serve the prophet because it is in their interest to do so. But who in their hearts no more believe in his high pretensions than did James Marston, the president of the London Conference. Meanwhile, the season for emigration had again arrived, and we were directed to hold ourselves in readiness to start. Though by no means unexpected, this council to emigrate came very painfully to me, for every step we took toward Utah seemed to bring me nearer to the realization of my worst apprehensions. I had lost my affection for Mormonism, and my enthusiasm had now quite melted away, but to refuse to go was altogether out of the question. Two little ones had been added to our family in Geneva, and a fourth was born in London the Christmas day after our return from the continent. The foggy atmosphere of the metropolis did not agree with them at all, a custom as they had been to the pure and bracing air of Switzerland, and I soon had serious illness in my family. My second little girl, Minnie, was so sick that we almost disparate of her life, and the others required constant attention, while the little baby boy only a few weeks old was seldom out of my arms. Just then it was, when so very awkwardly situated, that the notification came for us to set our faces Zionward. They chided us for our want of faith, because we did not take our poor little sick child from her bed at the risk of life. But I thank God now that nature was stronger than our fanaticism, and that our little girl was spared to grow up a blessing of which we shall ever be proud. One day President Marsden came to me confidentially, and told me that the brethren were determined that I should leave England, and had counted upon my yielding in a moment of despair. My husband was to be counseled to go without me to Utah if I persisted in my refusal. After he had left London Elder Marsden was to give me notice to leave his house, and left destitute and entirely among strangers it was thought that I should be only too glad to follow. I cannot tell how indignant I was. I could not find words sufficiently contemptuous to express what I felt. But I reproached Elder Marsden with cowardice for agreeing to such an inhuman proposition. And I declared that I would not risk the life of my child if an eternity of suffering awaited me. My husband was absent when this took place, but when he returned he approved of what I had done, and Elder Marsden was consequently counseled to send us away. The doctor warned us against the danger of exposing my little daughter to the cold in removing her, but we had no choice, for we were obliged to leave. Those were very painful times. I felt watching, and anxiety had undermined my own health, and I fell ill. Even then had we been left alone we might have escaped much of our trouble, but the incessant meddling of counsel was a perpetual irritation, and we were completely worn out with annoyance. A pleasant apartment at the west end of the town was taken for me by the advice of the medical man, and I was removed thither with my baby. I was not equal even to the task of taking care of that little thing, and had to procure the assistance of a nurse. The other children were cared for by friends. All that I needed was rest and tranquility of mind, and I soon began to recover strength, though far from well. But this state of quietude was soon to be disturbed. Again we were notified that the last immigrant ship of the season was about to leave, and we must sail in her, and again we were obliged to refuse. My husband telegraphed to the apostle at Liverpool that I was not well enough to travel, and he was told to bring me along and I should get better. The apostle cared nothing for individual suffering, providing the ambitious plans of the priesthood in Salt Lake City were carried out. But my husband anxious though he was to set out for Utah, and obedient as he ever was to counsel, was not such a slave as they thought him, and he positively refused to go. For this he was very much blamed, and it was said that his own faith must be wavering. Since my arrival in London I had several times seen my young friend Mary Burton, but someone was always present at the time. She had as she told me in her letters very greatly changed, for she had now become quite a young lady. Still she retained most of her winning ways, though her childish prettiness had given away to the more mature beauty of womanhood. And when I saw her I was not surprised that she should be an object of attention, or that Elder Shrewsbury should not have felt so deeply her rejection of him. She was as loving to me as ever, and when she found that we could not have one of our old quiet chats together on account of the people who were present, she promised to call on me some afternoon when we should be quite alone. Before she came, however, I had a visit from another person who my little expected to see. This was no other than Elder Shrewsbury himself, who I had been informed had left London some months before. This after the usual salutations he told me was quite true. He had left London and gone to work as a missionary hundreds of miles away, trying to forget his disappointment, but to no purpose. His was one of those natures which, though kind and considerate to everyone, are not ready to form hasty attachments, but which, when once they do meet with an object upon which to lavish their affections, become devoted in friendship and unchanging in love. Such was Elder Shrewsbury, and such I thought he would always be. But what disposition, however good, can be relied upon when influenced by religious fanaticism? He stood before me, then, manly and upright in his bearing, truthful and honest, a man who would have scorned evasion or deceit, and his every thought of Mary was replete with tenderness and love. And yet I lived to see that man again in Utah. Alas, how changed a man? Before we first left England I was acquainted with Elder Shrewsbury, but not very intimately. We had had one or two interesting conversations together, but I remembered him chiefly in connection with Mary Burton. It was about her that he now came to see me. He wanted me to talk to her and intercede with her on his behalf, but I was no matchmaker and all my thoughts respecting love and marriage had recently been anything but pleasant. I told him plainly that I thought Mary had done quite right in refusing to see him, and in fact declining to receive the attentions of any Mormon man. I did not doubt his love for her at present, I said. But no one could any longer rely upon a Mormon elder's word. Years to come when they had a little family growing up around them, and when it would be too late for Mary to repent of trusting him, he might suddenly be convinced of the necessity of obeying the revelation. And then what could she do? No, even supposing that she loved him, which I said was very questionable. It was better that she should suffer a disappointment now than have her heart rung with cruelty and neglect in after years. What, he cried, his eyes flashing with indignation. Do you take me for a dog that I should treat her so? No, no, I said, and tried to pacify him. I do not think anything bad of you, but I look upon you as a man who is in love and therefore blind. You think of nothing now but Mary, and are willing to sacrifice everything and to promise anything providing you can win her. But when she has become your wife, if she ever does, and you have time to cool down, you'll begin to see things in another light. You'll find that she is a real, ordinary woman made of flesh and blood like all the other daughters of Eve. And with, I daresay, quite as many whims and fancies and perverse ways as any of them. And then, when she ceases to be an angel in your eyes and becomes merely a woman, you'll begin to assert your right to think and judge for yourself, and very probably all your former devotion to your religion will return. Sister Stenhouse, he replied, you do not seem to have a very high opinion of my constancy. But I can assure you that I have given this matter my most earnest prayerful thought. My love for Mary I need not mention, my devotion to my religion you only partly know. While we were told that polygamy was not true, no one could be more steadfast in the faith than I was. And when the revelation came, I looked upon it as a blight and a curse to the Church of God. And how well founded my fears were you can see from this terrible apostasy which has come upon us. I, almost myself, left the Church. Then I went to the apostle and I told him how I was situated. I told him all about Mary and my devotion to her, that I wished to win her for my wife, but that I knew she would not marry me if she thought there was the shadow of a chance that I should live up to the revelation. I told him that I myself should be perfectly wretched in polygamy and that it was impossible that I should love more than one. The apostle said that I was quite right in all this. We had no proof, he said, in the Bible that Isaac had more than one wife and he was accepted by God. He counseled me to do all I could do to win Mary and told me that I might truthfully promise her that I would never enter into polygamy. But Mary would not so much as listen to me. In fact, since then she would never see me alone. I am not sure I answered whether I'm doing right, but I don't mind saying to you that I think, from what I have seen of Mary, that she does not dislike you, but she is a sensible girl and does not choose to risk the happiness of her whole life. He was vexed with me for saying this. How could I not? How could I suppose that he would wreck her happiness? Was he not willing to die if it would give her a moment's pleasure? And much more lover's nonsense he talked. He had met her at the meetings sometimes, but she had very coldly said good morning or evening, as the case might be. But whenever he had ventured a word more than that, she had made some excuse to leave him. What he wanted me to do was to invite Mary to meet him with me and to use my influence with her in his favour. I answered him very kindly and did my best to reassure him, but I told him that I would never try to influence the conduct or affections of anyone in a matter of the heart. Such things should take their own course, and if he waited patiently no doubt all would be well. Patience, he said. Sister Stenhouse, do you think a man in love knows the meaning of that word? Patience indeed. End of Chapter 11. Chapter 12 of Tell It All by Fanny Stenhouse. This LibriVox recording is in the public domain. Emigrating to Zion, we arrive in New York. The afternoon following, Mary herself came to see me, her face all flushed with excitement, and eager to tell me something. Who do you think I've been talking to, Sister Stenhouse? She exclaimed. You'd never guess. I don't think there's much need for guessing, I said. Your face betrays the secret, Mary. Well, she said, perhaps it does, but you wouldn't wonder at it if you only knew how very anxious I have been. All this time I have kept my word and I did not see him or speak to him once, except at meetings, and not much then, and I have been very unhappy. This afternoon I came round about an hour ago to see you, and there on the step was Elder Shrewsbury. He said he was here yesterday and was just going to call on you again, and then he asked me to go a little way with him, as he had something very important to say to me. At first I refused to go, but he wouldn't listen to it for a moment, so I went with him and we have been talking ever since, or rather he has been talking and I have been listening to him. I can't tell you, Sister Stenhouse, all he said you can guess better than I can tell you, but I'm afraid I shall not be able to keep my resolution much longer, for when we came back to the door again he said he wouldn't come in to see you now, and when he begged me to let him call at Mrs. Ellsworth's tomorrow night I did not feel it in my heart to refuse him. Was it very wrong of me to do so? Said I, I'm afraid Mary my opinion would not matter much either way. Elder Shrewsbury's eloquence is the music which you like best to listen to. She blushed and came and sat down beside me, and we talked together until the sun went down, and my little room was quite dark. I told her of my troubles in Switzerland and of the miserable effects of introducing polygamy there, and she in return told me all her love affairs with Elder Shrewsbury, and of her resolution not to listen to him unless he solemnly promised never to have anything to do with the hated revelation. Her faith in Mormonism itself had, as I expected, been very severely shaken, and I think that had it not been for my efforts to reassure her she would have left the church at that time. Would to God she had. After tea she said, Have you a copy of the revelation here, sister Stanhouse? I want to show you some strong points in it which I think will astonish you. I learned all about it from Elder Shrewsbury that night when he came to see me, and it was that that disgusted me with the whole affair. We searched through my trunk but could not find the document, and I told her that I had not the patience to read it quite through when it was given to me, and that since then I was not sure that I had even seen it. Never mind, she said, I'll bring it with me when I come again. How often have I thought since how much depended on that trifling circumstance? Had we then together read over the revelation and noticed the strong points of which she spoke, I believe my eyes would have been opened, and I never should have submitted to the misery which I afterwards endured in Utah. By and by she asked me whether I had heard anything of the terrible doings out in Zion, and I in return asked her what doings she alluded to. Well, she said, I hardly like to tell you if you have heard nothing about the matter, for I'm not quite sure whether it is all true, but we have had some strange reports floating about here just like the reports of polygamy before it was acknowledged. It is said that in the time of Joseph Smith a band of men was organized who put to death anyone who was troublesome to the church or offended the elders. Some people say that it was one or perhaps more of this band who fired at Governor Boggs of Missouri and who killed many other Gentiles. Dr. Avard and Sidney Rigdon are said to have been mixed up in the matter, and that wretched man John C. Bennett tells a frightful story about it. But that is not the worst, for Elder Shrewsbury himself told me long ago that Thomas B. Marsh, the then President of the Twelve, when he apostatized, took oath that the Saints had formed a destruction company, as he called it, for the purpose of avenging themselves, and Orson Hyde in a solemn affidavit swore that all that Marsh said was true. Well, dear, I said, I've heard all that before, but no doubt it is all scandal. I'm afraid not, she replied, for I have heard from people who ought to know that since the Saints have been in Salt Lake Valley the same things have been done, only now they speak of those men as Stanites and avenging angels. People say that those who are dissatisfied and want to leave Zion almost always are killed after they set out by the Indians, and they dare not say boldly who they believe those Indians are. Then, too, one lady told me that she had heard from her sister that not only were apostates killed in a mysterious way by Indians or someone else, but that many people were missing or else found murdered, who were only suspected of being very weak in the faith. These things are horrible, and sometimes I think I will never go out to Zion. I had heard these very same stories and told her so, and I tried to make her believe that they were without foundation, but I could see that what she had heard had made a great impression on her mind. So I turned the conversation to other topics, and we talked over our plans and prospects for the future. Neither of us were very hopeful, she because she was undecided what course to pursue, I because of the shadow of coming sorrow, which already began to darken my way. We tried, however, to comfort each other, and when she left I certainly felt more assured and hopeful. At this time I was left much alone for my husband having no business in which to employ himself was sent by the pastor of the London Conference to travel among the saints. Domestic comfort or the claims of a wife were never for a moment thought worthy of consideration. Then it was that I felt how lonely one may be in the midst of that great city. Towards the end of the year 1855 it was determined that a company of Mormon immigrants numbering several hundreds should leave Liverpool en route for Salt Lake City and for that purpose a vessel was chartered early in November. This was not the ordinary season for emigration, but there were then in England numbers of the saints anxious to go to Zion but too poor to pay their passage all the way. It was thought that when they arrived in New York they would have time to earn sufficient to carry them on and it was then supposed they could join those who came over by the ordinary spring emigration. My husband and myself were counselled to join these emigrants in Liverpool and proceed at once to New York. I was now strong enough to travel and though far from well and the prospect of such a journey in the middle of winter was anything but cheering. My husband however, who was anxious to go smoothed the way every difficulty and it was resolved that this time we should obey council. The reader may perhaps think me somewhat unreasonable in regarding such a journey as more than an ordinary annoyance but he should remember that I am speaking of 18 years ago. The passage across the Atlantic Ocean in mid-winter is anything but inviting even under the best of circumstances but in the old days of sailing vessels it was infinitely worse. The ocean steamers now make the passage in from 10 to 14 days but then a month was considered a good quick passage for a sailing boat. Then too the modern accommodations even for steerage passengers bear no comparison with the frightful disorder and utter lack of comfort experienced in former times. All this ought to be taken into consideration when speaking of the early Mormon immigrants and the sacrifices which that people then made for their faith. There was the same difference between them and the snug little party which a year ago crossed the ocean under the guidance of the councillor Apostle G. A. Smith and the childless versifier Eliza R. Snow as there was between St. Paul braving the perils of shipwreck with the tempestuous Eurocladon and the modern Orthodox missionary with well-filled purse and comfortable outfit on board the magnificent steamers of the Mediterranean. The Mormon immigration has always been a well-managed business and forming a united body under the guidance of inspired leaders the Mormons have never given so much trouble to ordinary passengers. At the time of which I speak the immigration was on a much larger scale than at present although even now several thousand converts arrive every summer in New York on their way to Utah. Now the journey from Liverpool to Salt Lake City is accomplished easily in less than a month then it required nine. Then the saints used to speak of Zion as being a thousand miles from everywhere and when they went east they used to talk of going to the States as if they belonged to another nation but now the Great Pacific Railway has knit together the utmost limits of this vast country and a journey to the far west is only a pleasant summer tour. Every presiding elder in Britain is a Mormon immigration agent unpaid but no less effective. It is a part of his mission. The elder presiding over the office at Liverpool generally some favorite apostle pockets all the profits of the transaction and has but little trouble in return. The saints are notified through the star of the day when the vessel will sail and are told to forward their immigration money or at least a portion of it as the church risks nothing. The apostle being thus secured by the deposits arranges with the shipping agent for the passage of a specified number of persons and receives a very nice commission upon each immigrant which commission is one of the chief perquisites of his office. The Mormons in London were very kind to us before we left and did all they could to help us in preparing for our journey. A kinder people than the saints in Europe could nowhere be found. My husband had been directed to take charge of the immigrants in the transit from London to Liverpool and consequently I received no assistance from him. It seemed to me a very cruel arrangement for the elders to take away from me and my helpless little ones the very person to whom we ought naturally to have turned for protection. But what were the feelings of a weak woman when they came in conflict with the council of inspired apostles? We arrived in Liverpool the same evening and there my husband was relieved of the charge of the company and some of the brethren were appointed to see that the baggage was safely transferred from the railway to the ship. Early the next morning we went on board and it was not long before we began to experience the pleasures of an immigrant life. Before we set out for Liverpool I had been told that on board ship I should be able to obtain all the help that I might desire and anxious to provide for the comfort of the children I engaged the services of two young girls to look after them and assist me generally. This was an imprudence step as I afterwards found to my cost but at the time I thought that I had made a very sensible arrangement. Help being secured my next thought was to get our births fixed so that all might be ready before the rolling of the ship began. My first enquiries were for our bedding but it was nowhere to be found. Now this was very annoying for we were all tired and the children, poor things were fidgety and anticipating a long and unpleasant voyage I wanted to have everything in readiness. Besides which I had made special preparations in the shape of many additional comforts which I knew on board ship would be absolutely necessary and had even sold my watch and jewelry for that purpose. I enquired of the proper authorities but could obtain no information and nothing remained but for me to wait until the apostle came on board to bid a final adieu to the immigrants. I felt this annoyance all the more as I considered that we had no right to expect such mismanagement. We would naturally have preferred to make our own arrangements and to go alone had we been permitted to do so but we had over and over again been instructed not to go by any other vessel but that chartered by the apostle Richards that so we might escape the perils which were sure to overtake the Gentiles. Imagine our disgust when we found that as there were not enough of the saints to occupy the whole ship the lower deck was filled with Irish immigrants of the most barbarous type and that their luggage and ours had been thrown together indiscriminately into the hold. Most of the Mormon immigrants recovered their property when they arrived at New York but as for our own personally we never saw it again and all the voyage through we were left utterly destitute. The apostle Richards and Pastor Kimball came on board before the vessel sailed and I told them all about it. We could not possibly put to sea in that condition I said and I wanted to leave the ship. He promised that the things should be looked after and assured me that on no account should we be permitted to sail without being properly provided for. I not only trusted their word as gentlemen but I believed in them as favoured servants of God and when subsequently I found that they had willfully deceived me I became conscious that there was as little of the true and truthful gentlemen about some of the modern apostles as there was of the apostle about ordinary gentlemen. Thus in the cold foggy days of an English November we set out bereft of the commonest necessaries and deceived by our own leaders to begin a new life in a new world. I would not for my own sake mention these unpleasant reminiscences were it not for so many mean and cruel deceptions and were it not that I do not care to use harsh words I might call downright swindles had come beneath my observation in connection with the Mormon emigration in past years. I will mention one alone which ought not to be passed by unnoticed. In the year 1854 Brigham Young and the leading elders were most anxious to draw to Zion the converts from every part of the globe and for this purpose the faithful were called upon to bring in freely their contributions to the perpetual emigration fund. To set them an example Brother Brigham himself stated he would present as a free gift his own property a valuable city house and lot if any purchaser could be found wealthy enough to purchase it. An English gentleman named Tennant a new convert accepted the offer and advanced the money $30,000 and set out for Salt Lake City expecting there to be put in possession of the property. He was one of the unfortunate and cart emigrants of whom I shall presently have occasion to speak more fully and he died on the plains. His wife and children when they arrived in the valley were told that the transaction was not made with them but with Mr. Tennant and all their efforts to obtain the property which in common justice was theirs were unavailing. At the present moment Mr. Tennant's wife had miserable poverty in Salt Lake City while there was no one to bring the honest profit to account. The vessel sailed and we heard no more of our property whether it ever left London or whether some obliging brother took charge of it on his own account I cannot say but I could form a pretty good guess I frequently see that man in Salt Lake City and I always think of my bedding for him. Nothing however remained but for me to put the best face I could upon matters. I took my wearing apparel and other articles out of the trunks and put them into pillow slips and extemporized as well as I could a rough substitute for beds. These served for the children and I covered them with my cloaks and shawls and for our own births and bed covering I had only a few pieces of carpet which I had put aside for the cabin floor together with a worn-out blanket which an old lady on board was good enough to lend me. We had not been long at sea when the young sisters whom I had engaged to help me fell sick and some of the brethren were very anxious to nurse them. This appeared to be quite the established order of things for I then found that it was very seldom that a immigrant ship crossed the ocean without one or more marriages on board. It was no doubt very interesting to them but to me it was extremely inconvenient especially considering that my husband had now taken to his birth which he did not leave during the remainder of the voyage and myself and the children were not much better off. Sick as I was I had to prepare our food and manage everything for in those times immigrants either took out their own provisions or were allowance in raw material and in either case had to do their own cooking. My chief difficulty was in getting what I had prepared to the fire galley for I could not leave the children and I was afraid to venture myself upon the deck. So I got any of the brethren who chanced to be passing and of course they were willing to oblige me but the galley was so crowded everyone having his or her own interests to attend to that I very rarely have ever had my provisions decently cooked and on more than one occasion I never saw them again. This was an inconvenience which modern immigrants do not suffer at the present day. Unsuccessful with the young sisters I thought I would try if I could not get one of the brethren to help me and fortunate first appeared to favour me. There was on board a young man Harry they called him and he was so situated that I found it easy to open a negotiation with him. He had been a Saddler's apprentice in a country town in England and having listened to some itinerant preacher had been converted joined the church to think for himself. So hearing that terrible judgments were quickly coming upon the old world he resolved to flee to the new and in his hurry to get there he forgot to inform his master that he was about to leave this accounted for his being so badly provided for. Now Harry had those two great blessings a splendid appetite and unimpeachable powers of digestion I will not say that he enjoyed these two blessings for that he did not on account of lacking a third blessing namely the wherewithal to make the first two blessings a pleasure and not an inconvenience. The ship's allowance was altogether insufficient for him and he therefore gladly engaged to do what few things I required upon condition that I should add a little to his own private commissariat. Harry was a smart lad and at first very useful and he soon convinced me that he had told the truth when he said that he had not enough to eat ever since he came on board. It seemed to me very questionable whether he ever had before. He had however nothing to complain of in that respect while in our employment for although the children were able to eat whenever we had anything fit for them my husband and myself could seldom touch our rations and as everything that was not used fell to Harry's share he fared pretty well. Harry was not the lad to neglect his own interests and as our interests appeared just then to be his also matters worked very harmoniously. Our bread was never now brought back to us half raw or burnt to a cinder it must be properly cooked for our eating or it would not do for Harry's and as for it being lost or delayed on its way to or from the galley that was of course quite out of the question. But the strangest thing of all connected with Harry was that immediately after his coming we were incessantly annoyed by the rats. I had brought for the children's use a small supply of preserves and other delicacies but these mysteriously disappeared with alarming rapidity and whenever I saved any trifle for the children to eat between meals that also was gone when it was wanted and in every instance Harry suggested that it was the rats although I could never find any traces of those interesting animals. I was sorry to part with Harry for he used to tell funny stories to the children and amused them a great deal but the rats and Harry were so closely associated in my mind that I thought if Harry left the rats might perhaps also cease their visits so Harry went and I was once more left alone to do the best I could. The weather was very cold and though we wore our clothing day and night we felt its severity very much the rigging of the ship was hung with icicles and without fire or warmth of any sort it is no wonder that we were all soon hardly able to move from cold and sickness. I have heard immigrants who came over in steam vessels and say that even in mid winter the heat in their births was almost unendurable but in a sailing vessel there were of course the ship and the passengers suffered accordingly in the midst of my trouble I was told of an ancient Scotch sister a maiden lady sharp and shrewd who like the miser in Scotch fortunes of Nigel was willing to help us for a consideration we talked the matter over and it was agreed that she should give me her services for the remainder of the voyage then was to be two pounds English small as was our stock of money and much as I knew we should need it upon our arrival I felt that I could do no better than engage her there was no saying upon whom she might chance to set her maiden fancy but there was not the remotest chance of any of the brethren falling in love with her so I considered her a safe investment and besides I must have somebody there was no alternative it was now Christmas time a season which in England was always sacred to joyous memories and festivities but to us exiles and wanderers seeking a land of which we knew nothing and which to us was a new and untried world it was far from being a happy time in the midst of the wild dreary ocean there was nothing to recall the pleasant reminiscences of the past or to inspire us with hope and courage as we thought of the future the captain told us that we might prepare to eat our Christmas dinner in New York but he was mistaken I can form no opinion of the captain as a seaman but as a man I detested him for his cruel treatment of two unfortunate men who were under him these men one a Spaniard and the other a Hungarian had agreed to work out their passage to New York but they were quite unfit for sea life one of them when he refused or was unable to go up into the shrouds was dragged aloft by main force and there they tied him and there they kept him until he was nearly frozen to death on another occasion both of these men with spikes and I feared they would kill them and their cries and groans right above my head were most painful to listen to in fact so badly were they treated that on their arrival they had to be carried to the hospital such was the discipline on board that ship the captain was mistaken in his calculations we did not eat our Christmas dinner in New York as he had promised a storm came on which compelled us to stand out to sea again and then a dead calm followed and it was not until New Year's Eve that we set foot upon the shore of the New World we were now 3,000 miles nearer to Zion but my heart misgave me as I thought of the future and the first New Year's Day that I spent in the United States was nothing but a day of pleasure to me End of Chapter 12 Chapter 13 of Tell It All by Fanny Stenhouse this LibriVox recording is in the public domain Life in New York Conducting a Mormon Paper Very cold and dark and dreary were the first days which we spent in the New World that faith which once led me to hope and believe and endure all things was now powerless to nerve me to any new course of action for my religion's sake for the dark shadow of polygamy had come across my way hope had fled and my love with the love of many other faithful saints had waxed cold to my husband and children I was of course devotedly attached and was willing to combat any difficulty or endure any trial with them or for their sake and it was not long before my constancy was put to the test The Mormon immigrants have always a captain and two counselors to every company the captain on board the Emerald Isle the vessel in which we came was a returning Utah elder one of his counselors was also a returning elder and my husband was the other as soon as the Mormon captain had come on shore and had reported to the apostle in charge of the New York Saints he left us to visit his friends the Utah counselor had a young lady in the company to whom he had become very much attached and who afterward became one of his wives I was not there for surprised that as soon as he could get his baggage he also should disappear but my husband being encumbered with a wife and family was obliged to remain and the whole charge of seeing to the company devolved upon him we had therefore to remain in Castle Gardens until the whole company of immigrants was provided for and during all the next week I, with my four children remained in that public place sick and weary and as destitute of bedding on board ship the weather was intensely cold and unaccustomed as we were to the severity of an American winter we suffered not a little the other unfortunate victims to faith were in the same condition with the exception that they had something to sleep on at nights while I had nothing but the bare boards for my bed since we left Liverpool all that I could gather together had been reserved for my babes how we lived how we lived through that journey I know not but I am certain that could I have foreseen what we should have to endure I would never have left England whatever my refusal might have cost me I could not refrain from contrasting my life before and since I knew Mormonism before I scarcely knew what suffering was so little had I been called upon to endure I never knew what it was to be without money or to want for anything but now I was in a strange land in the depth of winter without a home without a pillow to rest my weary head upon and with the future before me so dark that not a single ray of light gave to it the promise of hope could any slavery be more complete than mine my fanaticism and zeal were all gone I had nothing to sustain me certainly I was still held by the fear that Mormonism after all might be of God and that all this suffering might be necessary for my salvation but if at that time I had only had a friend whose mind was clear from all the nonsense of Mormonism and who had felt sufficient interest in me to advise me for my good I think even then I might have freed myself from the mental slavery in which I was bound but I had no intercourse with anyone but Mormons and indeed a wish to form Gentile friendships I should then have considered a sin a week after our arrival my husband found time to seek for apartments for his family and I was thankful to leave our miserable quarters at Castle Gardens the Mormon authorities had meanwhile given instructions to the other immigrants how to act and they did little more than this those who had not found work or places to go to were ordered to leave the gardens and received permission to occupy an old dilapidated schoolroom in Williamsburg which had been used for preaching I went there almost daily to see them and therefore state what I saw as an eye witness and neither exaggerate nor misrepresent there they huddled together about one hundred and fifty men, women, and children most of the men had been respectable mechanics in their own country many of them I had known personally and had visited in their cozy English homes and their wives and families had been decently brought up what they must have suffered under this change of circumstances I leave to the reader to guess in that miserable place they lived day and night the poor dispirited mothers many of them very sick having to cook and wash and perform all the necessary domestic duties round too small sheet iron stoves it was not long before the place became like a pest house from so many being confined in so small a place and breathing the same fetid and pestilential atmosphere and many of the young children died of an epidemic which was raging among them they had saved some of their ships provisions and that was all they had to eat and it did not last long to me it was most distressing to witness so much misery without being able to render any assistance particularly to see the poor little children shivering and crying with hunger and cold while many of their mothers were in such a miserable state of apathy that they paid little or no attention to them I often tried to awaken in them feelings of human sympathy but I was met with a murmur of discontent the people men and women alike seemed to be utterly demoralized nor can this be a matter of wonder for in England the men had been told that while at home they could only earn four or five shillings a day and would never be able to put by enough to carry them all the way to Utah in New York they would be able to earn two and a half to three and even four dollars a day equal to from ten to sixteen shillings English and that employers would even come on board ship anxious to engage them thus they had by false statements been allured from their homes and plunged into the most abject poverty day by day they went out seeking work but finding none willing to do anything to provide bread for their families returning nightly unsuccessful to their starving wives and children my own resources were gone I could do nothing when we left castle garden I think we only had about five dollars left while the heavy snow which covered the ground and the intense cold promised many weeks of unusual severity needing so greatly pity myself how I sympathized with those poor sufferers how I pity them in the midst of all this the apostle John Taylor learned that some of these poor souls had been seen begging so he came from his comfortable boarding house in Brooklyn well wrapped up in a handsome overcoat and scolded those poor starving creatures and harangued them concerning the meanness of begging with great swelling words he spoke of the dignity of the saints of the most high and told them that he despised a Mormon who could fall to the level of a common street beggar could he have heard the unspoken curses of the poor wounded hearts of those who listened to him as they thought of his brother apostle in England and of how he had deceived them and sent them into a strange country in the depth of winter to beg to starve or to steal he would have learned that though the victim of a delusive faith may to man-made creeds and priesthoods in his heart he will judge not so much the words he hears as the man who utters them the wisdom of the apostle found out a remedy he counseled the men and boys to buy shovels and go forth into the streets and clean away the snow from the fronts of the doors and from the sidewalks and told them that they would thus get plenty of money to keep them until winter was over one elderly brother who had a little money left bought a stock of shovels but the emigrants found that there were plenty of others who were as eager as they for work and who were much better acquainted with the way of obtaining it the shovel experiment was a failure and the poor old brother lost his money in the investment for whatever the apostle Taylor may have contributed to these unfortunate persons whether in counsel, money or provisions he will doubtless have his reward and for ought I know he may have been unable to give anything more than counsel but at the same time my opinion of the value of counsel remains unchanged there has been no lack of counsel or counselors in the Mormon church counsel has been given in abundance to all and by no means always for the benefit of those who received it it was not however because he failed to assist them practically that the people hated the apostle Taylor and have hated him ever since but it was for his pride and arrogance and the way in which he dared to talk to free-born English men and English women about the dignity of the priesthood and the contempt in which he held them in the hour of their humiliation and distress for that they hated him I do not of course wish to justify the people in begging such conduct would have been despicable if they could have found employment of any sort but when I saw the starving condition of those men and their helpless families in that wretched schoolhouse in my heart I almost honored them for having the courage to beg and I thanked God that the mean Yankee Gentiles as the elders taught the saints to call American citizens who did not believe in Mormonism were able and willing to assist them one of those emigrants very recently related to me some of the painful circumstances through which he passed at that time he told me that he walked to the streets of Williamsburg for three days and three nights without a mouthful of anything to eat or a place to lay his head he could obtain no work and at length in sheer desperation forced to beg the church authorities knew well the misery of the people but took no adequate steps to alleviate it during the first weeks after our arrival in New York City we had nothing to depend upon but the provisions which we had saved from the ship's rations I had known what it was to be in a foreign country without money and without food and on board ship I took care of the rations when they were not consumed by Harry or the rats for I thought if I did not need them which indeed I sincerely hoped might be the case I could certainly find someone who would be thankful for them these rations consisted chiefly of sugar that was almost black very bad black tea which when made looked like dye the poorest kind of sea biscuit and other things accordingly the provisions for the Mormon immigrants were purchased in bulk by the church authorities who made their own profits out of them and the apostle at Liverpool had the benefit of all that could be saved out of them during the voyage it was commonly said among the people that the side of them alone was quite sufficient for anyone who was not half starved and yet they had paid the price of the best we had been in New York several weeks when one day my husband called at the office of a paper called the Mormon and there met with the apostle Taylor who conducted that paper the apostle expressed great regret that Mr. Stenhouse should be without occupation at that season of the year and with the family of children upon his hands this sympathy coming from a brother missionary was I thought very tardy for my husband had then devoted over ten years his life to the cause and his record in the church had been untarnished the apostle was living in an elegant house surrounded by every comfort and luxury while he knew that we had not so much as a chair or even a bed to lie upon what had he done for the church more than my husband had done indeed I firmly believed that he had not endured half as much but he was an apostle his unhelping sympathy appeared to me a little more than questionable he told my husband that he might come into the office of the Mormon and write the addresses on the wrappers and that he would give him a few dollars a week to help things along until something better presented itself my husband thought this a disinterested action on the part of the apostle John Taylor but my experience in Mormonism led me to be distrustful and suspicious of everything that an elder or apostle said or did this offer however came when we really had nothing to look to and dared not refuse any assistance that was offered however small it might be but I must allow that my ideas of apostolic liberality were very much shocked when at the end of the week Mr. Stenhouse informed me that he had been allowed four dollars for his services and that out of that magnificent sum the apostle John Taylor had deducted 25 cents which sheer necessity had compelled him to borrow for the week's fairy edge the apostle editor had two assistants from Utah with him in the Mormon office the one a 70 and the other a high priest terms and titles which I shall presently explain a few weeks after my husband entered the office the 70 who had charge of getting out the paper was allowed to return to Zion the high priest remained in the eastern states visiting alternately the various branches of the church and doing some very zealous courting with a young English girl who lived in Williamsburg while his two unsuspecting wives at home in Salt Lake City were earnestly praying the Lord to bless him in his mission whatever the apostle may have thought of his associate, he could not very well remonstrate with him for he himself was and had been for some time doing a good deal in that line with an amiable Connecticut girl and was only waiting for special permission from Brigham Young to add her to the half dozen wives he already had in Utah there was more over another high priest attached to that office to understand his exact position to all appearance his principal occupation was traveling from New York to Connecticut and from Connecticut back again to New York he was a very robust looking man but it was reported that he was troubled with heart disease and that the pure air of Connecticut was a great relief to him this I fully believed when after some time I discovered that the young lady of the apostle had a charming sister for I thought it very probable that she rendered no small assistance to the Connecticut air in giving relief to his diseased heart my husband not being at that particular time under the influence of heart disease soon became very useful on the editorial staff in fact pretty well everything was left to him and not unfrequently for two or three days he saw nothing of the apostle or either of his associates and the whole responsibility of getting out the paper at the magnificent salary of four dollars a week rested upon him he was told that he must regard it as a mission and be prepared to act accordingly in the course of time however the visits to Connecticut came to an end the apostle obtained brother Brigham's permission to practice a little polygamy among the Gentiles and Miss Young made him an excellent housekeeper in a handsomely furnished house in Brooklyn the poor high priest and seventy did not fare so well they were expected to wait until they reached Zion the two young ladies to whom they were engaged were amiable and good girls who would without doubt have met with excellent husbands either in or out of the church but the name of an apostle or high priest himself's were away from home carried with it many charms and won the hearts of the young ladies and their friends the apostle was of course well used to the training of wives in the celestial order and when he returned home with his youngest bride he suffered no particular inconvenience but the high priests realized the truth of the adage the course of true love never did run smooth the first wife of one of them refused to have anything to do with his new bride and kept him at a respectful distance from herself then and ever afterwards while the first wife of the other declined to acknowledge the claims of her youthful rival the first high priest has gone to heaven and the other in the course of time gave a bill of divorce to his young wife what happiness either of these three girls found in polygamy they best know but the young widow appears decidedly to be the happiest of the three I had heard so much while in London about men taking wives from principle and that after the first wife they made no open display of their love but I could not see that they differed in the slightest from their gentile brethren in that respect the Utah elders of whom I have spoken always seemed to me very human in all polygamic courtships that I have since witnessed the brethren have appeared to think that the Lord's revelation was a trifle too slow in arranging affairs of the heart and they have very zealously prepared for its coming in some instances the revelation has come too late and in many others it would have been very disastrous if it had not come at all in all cases it may be safely asserted that all that has been said about getting the consent of the first wife and obtaining a revelation from the Lord as to whether it is pleasing in his sight for a man to take another wife or not is purely folly and nonsense Brigham Young is the only Lord who has ever been consulted on that question if he acknowledged this to the people and they chose to abide by it they alone would be to blame but it is the grossest of frauds for men claiming to be representatives of Jesus Christ to play upon the credulity of an honest people trifling with the most sacred subjects and telling them that God answers by special revelation and declares whether or not it is his will that each of these plural marriages should take place the apostles and elders themselves are not deceived they know well enough that there is no truth in all this mockery they know that the only source of all their revelations is the man Brigham Young End of Chapter 13 Chapter 14 of Tell It All by Fanny Stinhouse This LibriVox recording is in the public domain Saintly Pilgrims on the Way The Divine Handcard Scheme One Sunday morning in early spring my husband attended a meeting of the saints in Williamsburg my husband was there and took part in the service and so did the apostle Taylor and one or two other Utah elders I went to that meeting in a very desponding state of mind for our prospects since the day of our arrival had not brightened very much and I felt the need of some comforting and cheering words whether it was the influence that the elders had noticed the depression of spirit among the saints I cannot tell but I know that on that particular occasion their words seemed to me more earnest and encouraging than they had been for a long time past As we came out from the meeting Brother Benton, one of the elders stepped up to my husband and said Brother Stinhouse they are expecting to arrive tonight or tomorrow I suppose you will be down at the gardens I knew well enough who they were, who were expected to arrive and so did Mr. Stinhouse yes he said of course I shall be there but most likely we shall have to wait a few days before they come then he stopped and talked over the matter with Elder Benton now it chanced that at that time Brigham Young was trying an experiment the prophet of the Lord sometimes finds it necessary not withstanding the revelations that he is supposed to receive to try experiments like other men before he can feel sure that his plans are likely to succeed the only difference between him and other men is that he knowing himself that his plans are his own inventions or the inventions of the leaders gives out that they come direct from God thereby deceiving the ignorant innocent and confiding people and when his plans fail to do he never confesses that he is wrong or mistaken but lays all the blame on some other person or failing that on the Lord or the devil other men as a rule say nothing about the Lord or devil but when their experiments fail they frankly confess that they themselves were not inspired but were liable to err that is all the difference in the present instance upon a rather large scale up to the year 1856 the Mormon immigrants made the journey from the frontiers across the plains by ox teams as I have already described and every season some of the wealthier Mormons formed themselves into an independent company paid their own expenses and traveled with more comfort the expense to the poorer immigrants was very small for they performed the greater part of the journey on foot the ox teams being used for transporting provisions and baggage 100 pounds of the latter being allowed to each immigrant this plan was so far a success and the settlements of the saints increased thereby slowly but surely in population and wealth there were however at that time thousands of saints in Europe anxious to emigrate but who were too poor to provide the small sum requisite for that purpose during the winter of 1855 this difficulty was discussed in conference by Brigham and the leading men in Salt Lake and someone suggested what was afterwards known as the Handcart scheme the idea of this scheme was to transfer the people from Liverpool to the frontiers in the cheapest possible way and for them then to cross the plains with light made hand carts just strong enough to carry the fewest possible necessary articles but sufficiently light for the men, women and even young girls to draw them this plan would not perhaps have been a bad one if it had been properly carried out and if Brigham Young had seen as he might have done that suitable preparations were made beforehand but the Handcart emigration scheme began with a lie and ended in ruin the confiding saints were told that God had specially inspired his servant Brigham for this purpose and the scheme was a revelation direct from on high no proper measures were taken to provide for the emigrants all was done upon faith faith on the part of the people in there as they supposed to be inspired leaders deception on the part of those leaders towards the people whose only fault was that they trusted them too well the millennial star proclaimed the plan to the saints in Europe and so great was the response to this special summons that in that year 1856 it was roughly estimated that no fewer than five or six thousand Mormon emigrants traveled from Liverpool to Salt Lake City it was the first company of these emigrants that brother Benton alluded to when he told Mr. Stenhouse that they were expected that night or the next but in those days emigrant vessels were frequently delayed by adverse winds and other circumstances and no one could calculate upon the exact time of their arrival in port the following morning my husband when he returned from the Mormon office brought with him a letter from the English postmark and addressed to me in the neat unmistakable handwriting of Mary Burton I had been waiting and watching for a letter from her ever since our arrival I was anxious to hear from her and I hastily tore it open so impatient was I to know how she was getting on what I read interested me deeply though it did not surprise me I had seen Mary many times after the interview which I have already related and our conversations and discussions were to us of all absorbing interest but as they were mostly personal I have not cared to record them in this narrative to tell the truth her love affairs with Elder Shrewsbury occupied more and more the most prominent place in all our discussions his enthusiasm was perfectly infectious as long as Mary absolutely refused to see him her love for him faith and Mormonism were anything but overpowering but Elder Shrewsbury was one of those peculiar persons who have a sort of magnetic charm about them who without our knowing it or even in some instances contrary to our will and reason enlist all our sympathies and leave behind them an impression that we vainly try to efface he only wanted opportunity and his success was sure opportunity he had had for pressing his suit with Mary and making an oppression upon her heart ever since the day when they had met at my door and had taken that walk together as Mary said for the purpose of discussing important matters now the letter which I received opened to me another chapter in Mary's life which without the gift of prophecy I might have easily predicated Elder Shrewsbury's patience and perseverance met with their due reward and Mary at length promised to become his wife but fascinated though she was and herself almost as deeply in love as he was she nevertheless made one condition which showed that she had not entirely lost that prudence and determination which she had shown in the early days of their courtship when he spoke to me in that way you know how Sister Stenhouse she said in her impulsive way how could I persist in saying no to him it wasn't in my heart to do so I didn't say yes in so many words but I simply said nothing and he took my silence for consent then, but no I won't even tell you everything I know he thought he was going to have it all his own way but I didn't think so I told him then that I had firmly resolved upon one thing to marry him unless he made a solemn vow and promise before God that he would never enter into polygamy I could not hide from him that I loved him he knew it and could see it but I said I never would go to Utah alone and I certainly never would marry at the risk of my husband taking another wife no, I was willing to give him my heart, my all it was only fair for him to do the same by me he was very near me then and my hand was in his and he was looking up into my eyes then he whispered the promise I had asked of him and, dear sister Stenhouse I know I can depend on his word we shall be happier in this world by ourselves and we feel quite sure that God will not ask us to do anything in heaven that would make us miserable perhaps I oughtn't say this but I'm so happy that I cannot allow myself one single wretched doubt about the future of my husband such as I used to have we were married on the 27th of January and now we are getting ready for Zion and are busy day and night of course you have heard of the divine plan the hand-card scheme oh sister Stenhouse I am so very very much ashamed of myself for all the wicked things that I used to say about the apostles since our marriage Elder Shusbury has explained everything to me and said things in their right light it is a glorious privilege for us to be permitted to gather to Zion and now I know my dear husband will never even think of another besides myself I glory in the thought of leaving the Gentile world and all its wickedness we will go with the first company this season I will tell you all the rest of the news and I meet you dear so Mary Burton was married and coming with the hand-card company why I said turning to my husband they'll be here in a day or two now perhaps today he replied they did not however arrive either that day or the next but towards the end of the week we were told that their vessel was in the river and I accompanied my husband to castle gardens to see them a strange spectacle was presented to our view more than 600 Mormon immigrants were gathered there all on their way to Zion and burning with zeal and enthusiasm worthy of a better cause there were aged men and women whose heads were horny with the snows of many a winter and whose tottering steps had borne them to the verge of three-score years and ten there were stout-hearted fathers and patrons with sons and daughters growing up around them there were young men in the pride and strength of manhood and maidens in the modest blush of womanly beauty and little-tottering children and babes in their mother's arms all obedient to what they thought was the command of God himself all with their faces set steadfastly and anxiously Zionward let not the reader smile the infatuation of those poor immigrants would he or she have suffered so confidingly so faithfully for his or her religion they might be mistaken but truly theirs was a faith which hoped all things believed all things endured all things surely in his sight who judges the heart the blind obedience of those men and women who were ready to suffer and to endure unto the bitter end they felt like faith they thought it was his holy will such practical devotion was more truly acceptable than the formal professions of an untested faith which orthodox professors are so ready to make I met at castle gardens many whom I had known in the old country but it was one particular face which I was anxious to see a man wrapped in a thick great coat and with a fur cap upon his head brushed against me before I had time to raise my eyes my hand was grasped in his and I heard Mary's husband say oh sister Stenhouse I'm so glad to see you I knew we should meet you in New York come and see Mary, she's my Mary now I went with Elder Shrewsbury and I saw Mary but oh how greatly was she changed when I returned from our Swiss mission and saw her after an interval of several years I was of course struck with the alteration which had then transformed her from a pretty little fairy-like girl into a decorous young lady contemplating matrimony but although I had been absent from England only a few months I observed a much more striking alteration in her than on the previous occasion it was not now I thought so much an outward and personal change as a new development in her inner consciousness her soul itself her form was as graceful and her eyes as bright as ever but from those eyes they're now shown forth another light than that which I thought so charming in bygone time her affection for me was as warm and demonstrative as when we first met she recognized me in a moment before her husband had time to say a word and throwing both her arms round me she kissed me again and again with all the effusion of her childish days taking my hand she led me gently into a quiet corner and seated me beside her on a big trunk and then she began to talk it was the same soft sweet voice again which used to be so dear to me when I was left all alone in Southampton soon after my marriage while my husband was on mission in Italy she told me all the story of her courtship all and much more than she had told me in her letter but it was when she came to speak of her marriage of her husband and especially of their pilgrimage to Utah that I observed more especially the change which had taken place in her she was no longer the light hearted girl half doubting her strange religion and rejecting it all together when it did not coincide with her own ideas and wishes no, Elder Shrewsbury had he been ten times a Mormon elder could not have wished for a more obedient, a more earnest I might say a more fanatical believer than was now to be found in his young and beautiful wife her eyes really glowed with enthusiasm as she spoke of the work of the Lord and of gathering to Zion and her voice though soft and sweet as ever had in it now and then a tinge of sternness which told of a determination and spirit which the casual observer would never have suspected I expressed some surprise that she and her husband not being without funds should have gone with the Handcart Company when they might have waited and gone in so much more comfort with one of the independent companies why, Sister Stenhouse she said, we have done it as a matter of faith certainly we could have afforded to go in anyway we chose but my husband said we ought to be an example to the poorer saints so we gave away nearly all our money to help the immigration fund and then we came just as you see us along with the rest but the danger and discomfort is so great I suggested surely the Lord does not want us to sacrifice ourselves when no one is benefited by it not a bit said she there's no danger, Sister Stenhouse, and if there were it would only please me all the more as for discomfort why we should have had that anyway and we both glory in making sacrifices besides which we have been told by the Apostle that this will be the most pleasant and successful journey across the plains that has ever been made I am a little doubtful of the promises of Apostles and Elders I said and I remember Mary when you used to agree with me oh I know I did she answered but Brother Shrewsbury has shown me how wrong I was never doubt now but I think you have a wrong notion about this hand-cart scheme it is not an ordinary plan such as any man might have made God himself revealed this plan to Brigham and in fact we call it the divine plan in our songs oh you should hear our songs they're a little rough but the singing is so earnest and the voices of the men and girls blend so well together that I know you'd like them there's only one thing that I don't like about this plan and that I dare say is alright if only I knew it I think Mary I said I could tell you a good deal that you wouldn't like if you knew it no dare she replied hastily as if afraid to hear me don't tell me unpleasant matters I'll tell you all I meant the Prophet and Heber C. Kimball and Jedediah Grant counseled the richer emigrants to give up as much as they could all their property if they had faith enough to help the poor brethren to emigrate but the American elders had private instructions so Brother Shrewsbury told me to use the money to help out all the unmarried girls who are willing to go I confess that this troubled me not a little but my husband says that when we get to Zion we shall find all will be right and of course I believe him Mary's conversation puzzled me a good deal at the time she had formerly been so clear-sighted and so unbiased by prejudice and now she seemed ready to believe anything all her husband's enthusiasm was now her own she saw with his eyes and in the intensity of her love for him she believed all that he accepted as true long after when I thought of that short interview I called to mind her impulsive earnestness and I felt that a secret misgiving unconsciously to herself was partly the cause of it unknown to herself her excess of zeal was the offspring of doubt life in the future was in anticipation to my poor friend one long day of hope and happiness she could not see the shadow of a cloud no coming sorrow darkened her way Zion to her excited imagination was the abode of peace and sanctity and unchanging joy I asked her whether the saints in England had heard any of those strange reports about Brigham Young defying the government which had attracted so much attention in this country certainly she said it is because the day is so very near when all intercourse between God's people and the entire world shall be cut off forever that these great efforts are being made together the saints to Zion of course you know this but I don't think you know all why at the last general conference in Liverpool the president had instructions from Salt Lake to propose Brigham Young as prophet, seer, revelator and king king I said how can president Young king Utah is part of the territory of the United States and under their jurisdiction it is not even a state itself yet and Congress has refused to sanction the name of Deseret this country will never suffer a kingdom to be set up in Utah you must be misinformed sister Mary no sister Stanhouse she exclaimed I am under no mistake my husband assured me that the conference accepted the proposition and that it was received unanimously the saints are gathering in from all parts of the world and when war is declared they will not be found unprepared why here on board with us the American elders are all provided with swords and revolvers of the very best make that could be God for love or money and I myself have heard them say that Brigham Young intends shortly to declare his independence of the United States we didn't know this before we left England but we felt sure that he had some great purpose in view which had been revealed to him before we left I said the saints were all eager to emigrate yes dear she answered but nothing like they are now you have no idea how excited and anxious everybody is one of the people in order to obey council sold their watches and jewelry and even their best clothes scarcely keeping enough for the journey and everyone who had any money gave it away Brigham Young said a noble example in that even the Gentiles would admire him if they knew all why we had on board ship with us brother tenant the rich new convert who paid $30,000 for the property which Brigham Young so generously gave to help the emigration fund he hardly had enough left to carry him and his family to Zion and now he is going to cross the plains with us to settle in Salt Lake City he is somewhere here among the emigrants I believe at the present moment and you could ask him all about it if you liked the brethren assure him that brother Brigham is so liberal that he will get vastly more than the value of his $30,000 when he reaches Zion I hope he will for I like both him and his wife all this was thus far true but it was with some misgivings that I heard Mary talk about it still I tried to persuade myself that it was a sin to doubt how little did either of us imagine that after poor Mr. Tennant's miserable death upon the plains we should live to see his wife destitute and defrauded of her property generous hearted Brigham dragging out a miserable existence in Zion and dependent even for a crust of bread upon the kindness of the brethren and yet as I previously stated in another place this was how the prophet under the mask of liberality contrived for his own purposes to cheat this unfortunate and too confiding saint then we talked of what more nearly interested ourselves asked me when Mr. Stenhouse and myself were coming out I told her that it was quite uncertain but that we expected to before long at any rate you will come out before the season is over she said most likely so I replied but you will be safely there and settled before we arrive how little did she imagine the fearful scenes she was to witness the terrible sufferings she was to endure before the season she spoke of had passed away could I at that time have known all I would have prayed that sooner than set out on that fearful journey she might find refuge in the grave from the horrors which unknown to her were brooding over her way we talked along and then my husband joined us Elder Shrewsbury was called away by some necessary duty when we parted it was with many promises to write frequently to each other of our common religious interests as well as the welfare of ourselves and those we loved then I spoke with several other old friends and we exchanged greetings with all sorts of people for my husband wherever he goes is always sure to be upon speaking terms with almost everybody he meets the Handcart Company left New York for Utah a long and formidable journey at best but in that instance through mismanagement and neglect one of the most fatal expeditions that imprudent man has ever undertaken and it was not until months and months had passed away and another season had come round that we heard anything of their fate and time went on but my troubles did not lighten my husband still continued to work at the Mormon office and after a while his salary was slightly increased from time to time but still his earnings were altogether inadequate for the support of a family and I found it absolutely necessary to obtain some employment for myself it cost me many a long and weary day of search and inquiry and many a battle with my pride before I could get anything to do but at last I was successful and although my little ones required constant attention I contrived to add a very decent quota to the Scandi family purse and thus matters continued until the following year our life of uncertainty and care unchanged little in my life at that time is worth recording to me it was one long painful struggle and any change which could come I felt must be for the better my experience of Mormonism was of course enlarged as new facts presented themselves to my observation and by nothing was my faith so much shaken as by the discrepancies between the written and spoken Mormonism which was presented with fair face to the European saints and the world at large and the actual conduct of the elders from the first moment when polygamy was announced the leaders had strictly forbidden missionaries to enter into any alliances with the sisters abroad or to make any proposals of marriage to them or to enter into any matrimonial covenants in the language of Heber C. Kimball Brigham's first counselor they were not to pick out from the flock the young fair and tender lambs but were to bring them all safely home to Zion this council was all very well were attended to keep the elders out of mischief and afforded an opportunity to the brethren at home to select more and more youthful wives from the fair converts who were gathered into Zion but the missionaries founded very irksome to obey this council and in point of fact those who did so formed a very small minority one of the missionaries who had just returned from Europe came one day to our house in New York and brought a youthful sister with him he was by no means a handsome man or pre-possessing in his appearance but I saw at once that he had succeeded in obtaining considerable influence over the young sister's mind he said she was not very happy and he wanted her to stay with some respectable family for a week or two until they set out for Utah and I agreed that she should stay with us she began to play with the children and took one of them in her arms in a way which attracted my attention for I noticed that tears were in her eyes and she excited my sympathy I asked her as gently and as delicately as I could what was the matter with her and what her sorrow was and she told me that she herself had two little ones at home and was wretched at being parted from them she had obeyed counsel and had left her husband and a happy home to go to Zion she loved them all dearly but deluded by false teachings and promises that she should soon have her children again she had stolen away and left them all I reasoned with her tried to make her see how wrongly she had acted and persuaded her to return to her husband and seek his forgiveness no it was all in vain the salvation of her soul she thought was beyond all earthly considerations she must stifle the suggestions of her heart within her she must hasten to Zion thus she left me and like many another victim I never expected to see her again one morning a few months later I was astonished to receive a visit from her after expressing my pleasure at seeing her once more she told me what I had said had so impressed her that when the emigrants had arrived at St. Louis she had refused to proceed any further on the journey had written to her husband had made all right with him and was now on her way back to her home in England my story is so full of painful reminiscences that it is with pleasure that I record this incident in which Folly was not succeeded by utter ruin and misery alas how many instances I might mention which fell beneath my own personal observation of wives and mothers led away by the delusive doctrines which they must took for inspiration and who sought vainly through years of misery for peace and rest until at length they found it in the darkness of the tomb towards the end of the year 1857 the difficulties in Utah and the financial panic in New York resulted in the discontinuance of the Mormon my husband was thus thrown out of employment and to add to our difficulties the people for whom I work suspended operations this new trial of our faith however was not long out of apparent evil released from his obligations to the apostle and the Mormon paper my husband now set earnestly to work to obtain a living without the crippling influences of counsel or the dictates of those whom his religion taught him to respect I had always believed that if suffered to act for himself his energy was such that he would certainly carve his way to a respectable position in the world I was not deceived either at the time of which I speak or at a later period when in Salt Lake City he engaged in active business on his own account in New York where he had been by this time appointed president of the Eastern mission and was actively engaged in advocating the claims of the Mormon church he sought and found employment on the staff of the herald the success that from a condition of misery and poverty we were very soon raised to a position of comfort and surrounded by every luxury suitable to our station in life and this position we enjoyed until called upon to leave all and journey across the plains to Zion our own journey to Zion was postponed for a while but not long before we set forth I received the long expected which Mary Burton had promised me and as it contains a vivid picture of a mode of transit the only mode which could then be used across the plains and shows what people were forced to endure so recently as a few short years ago I shall give extracts from it in the following chapter for I feel sure that if the reader did not peruse the story in the exact words of my unfortunate friend he would never believe that in this country and in our own times such a terrible tragedy could have been enacted End of chapter 14