 The Kraft Foods Company presents Willard Waterman as the Great Gilded Sleeve. The Great Gilded Sleeve is brought to you partially transcribed by the Kraft Foods Company. Kraft, you know, makes Philadelphia brand cream cheese, the cream cheese that's been famous for quality since 1880. Delicious creamy white Philadelphia brand is so popular it outsells all other brands of cream cheese combined. Enjoy it often. Just be sure you get genuine Philadelphia brand when you buy. Look for the Red Kraft K on the silvery package. Remember, there's only one Philadelphia brand cream cheese, and it's made by Kraft and guaranteed fresh. Well, there's considerable activity at the Great Gilded Sleeve's house tonight. The porch light is on and the mat says welcome. Still, there is an unmistakable air of tension. The occasion is the regular monthly visit of Marjorie's in-laws, Mr. Mrs. Thompson. Leroy, have you washed behind your ears? I not only washed them, I polished them. Look at them shine. Hey, good boy. You know how Mrs. Thompson always makes you stand in inspection. Yeah. Oh, was she ever in the army? I don't know. If she was, she was a sergeant. Can I dust that chain, Mrs. Gilded Sleeve? Birdie, you've dusted the living room three times. Yes, sir. But when Mrs. Thompson runs a finger over a table, she always picks up dust. That woman got hands like a vacuum cleaner. Well, every time she comes over, she always finds fault with something. Yes, sir. You wonder what you'll start tonight? I think she's covered everything. She'll be here any minute. I better run my coat so she can't pick on me. Hey, Elkie, dropped your bank book. Here. Thank you, Leroy. Hey, look what it says here. Five hundred bucks? Gosh, you have that much money in the bank? Leroy, let's not shout it from the rooftops. I've been salting it away. Yeah? Oh, it's a little saltier. I'm saving this to buy a car. I thought I'd trade in the old one and surprise the little family with a new one. You're nearly new anyway. Oh, boy, can I get down and help you pick it out? You will see. Is everything in order down here, Anki? Yeah, we're all set, Marjorie. Where's Bronco? Oh, he'll be down in a minute. He couldn't shave until I finished with the mirror. Yeah, I should bring the twins down. Well, they're asleep now. We put them in the little sewing room so we wouldn't disturb them while we dress. Yeah, I hope Mr. Thompson recognized them tonight. He's so absent-minded. Yeah, last time he thought I was one of the twins. Oh, he's a dear, even if he does get a little mixed up at times. Remember, that's how he happened to marry Mrs. Thompson? Oh, come on. Here they are, battle stations! Good evening, Leroy, not so loud. Good evening, Mr. and Mrs. Thompson. Come in. Good evening, Mr. Gildersleeve and Marjorie. How are you, dear? Hello, Mother Thompson. It's so nice to see you. Good evening, Leroy. Hi. Good evening, Mrs. Thompson. How's you coming in? Yes, but Gildersleeve, did you know your porch light is on? Yes, indeed. Are you expecting company? You, Mr. Thompson? Oh, well, I'm here. You can turn it off now. Martha's here, too. Somewhere. Martha! She just went in the parlor. Come on, we'll join her. Oh, Gildersleeve, you've grown a moustache. Mr. Thompson, I've always had a moustache. Oh, of course. Oh, it's Leroy who didn't have a moustache. Oh, brother, I'm glad I got homework to do. Well, here comes Bronco. Hello, Dad. Well, hello, son. How are you, Mother? Bronco, you were at the door to greet your mother. I almost made it. Sorry, Mother. I'm afraid that's my fault, Mother Thompson. I was using the mirror. No, I was looking for my shoes. We can't get everything into one closet up there. Oh, Mr. Gildersleeve, I don't know how you people manage here. There are too many of you in this small house. I've said it before and I'll say it again. She sure will. And silly, the twins came, my... Now, Mother... The twins? Oh, yes, the twins. I thought somebody was missing. Where are the grandchildren? They're up in the sewing room, Mr. Thompson. I'll bring them down later. The sewing room? Aren't they young to be sewing? They're taking a nap, Mr. Thompson. What if somebody wants to show? Well... Well, Edward, you brought up a very interesting point. I did? It seems a pity that Bronco and dear Marjorie don't have room to... to expand. Well, Mother Thompson, they've done fairly well. Twins, you know. Honestly, Mr. Gildersleeve. I got that, didn't you, Martha? Twins have very droll, Gildersleeve. Edward? Yes, Martha. It worries me that the children don't have more room. Now, Mother, we aren't too cramped. It's been very nice of Mr. Gildersleeve to share his house with us. You're glad to do it. We're really very comfortable, Mother Thompson. Oh, when I think of those darling twins cooped up in that tiny sewing room. Oh, Mrs. Thompson, it isn't as bad as you make it sound. Oh, I know how tiny it is. I stuck my head in there once. Was there room for anything else, Martha? Yes, Martha. Yes, well, what do we do this evening? The cards? Great idea, Mr. Gildersleeve. How about canasta? I'll get the decks. Wait, Bronco. Mr. Gildersleeve, I haven't finished talking. Ew, sorry. I should have realized that. Mr. Gildersleeve, when Marjorie and Bronco were first married, it was very generous of you to take them into your home. But there's no reason for you to be inconvenienced any longer. Now, Mrs. Thompson, I'm not being inconvenienced. I think you are. And now that the twins are getting more active, the logical thing to do is move the family to our house. Don't you agree, Edward? Why, yes. When can you move over, Gildersleeve? She doesn't mean me, Mr. Thompson. Naturally, I'm referring to Bronco, Marjorie and the twins. By the way, where are the twins? Oh, good heavens, Edward. Oh, yes. What do you think, Marjorie? Well, it's awfully kind of you to invite us. Nonsense. It's the only sensible thing. Don't you think so, Bronco? Why, yes. Oh, oh, Bronco. Well, Mother, as you say, we would have more room, but... Then it's all settled. Oh, my goodness. Now, Mother, it isn't settled. We'll think it over, but we just don't want to be pushed into anything. Yeah, that's right, Bronco. Let's not rush into this. Give it a lot of thought. Bronco, I'll call you tomorrow. I hope you understand, Mr. Gildersleeve, you have a lovely little home, but after all, we have a whole wing that isn't being used. She has more than one wing in the old village. Gildersleeve, you have to think of something. Fast. Come on, Mr. Gildersleeve, you're down early this morning. Yeah, I didn't sleep very well last night, Bertie. No, sir. Bertie didn't sleep good either. You didn't? No, sir. I tried counting sheep going over the fence, but all I could see was Miss Marjorie and them twins going over to Miss Thompson's. Well, it's quite a problem, Bertie. How's the coffee coming? It's ready and plenty of it. Yeah, thank you, Bertie. Mr. Gildersleeve, do you really think they'd leave here? Well, let's face it, they are a little crowded here. Mrs. Thompson has a big house. She made it sound pretty logical. Mr. Gildersleeve, has Miss Marjorie and Mr. Bronco ever talked to anymore about building a house? Well, they've considered it. That's taking a big step. Yes, sir. And I've been thinking about that vacant lot next door. Who? That lot's just sitting there waiting for somebody to take the big step. Yeah. Now, if they have to move somewhere, wouldn't it be nice if they could move right next door? Right, George, Bertie. I've just had a great idea. Yes, sir. You and I tried to get Marjorie and Bronco to buy that lot next door. Yes, sir. You sure did have a good idea. Of course, I'll have to be diplomatic about it. As Bronco says, the kids don't like to be pushed into things. Yeah, I'd better not even mention the lot next door. Yeah, I'll just start them thinking about building again. You're sly, Gildersleeve. Good morning, Anki. Good morning, Mr. Gildersleeve. Well, sit down, mind tree. Bronco, my boy, seems I got down a little early. No, I think we're late, Mr. Gildersleeve. Marge and I were up in our room discussing things. That's right. Mrs. Thompson gave you something to think about, didn't she? Anki, if we do move over there, you'll understand, won't you? Well, Marjorie, you have a lot of things to consider, you know? Yes, we do. Of course, it's been fine here for just Bronco and me, but we do have the twins to think about. Besides, Mr. Gildersleeve, it doesn't seem fair to crowd you all the time. Yeah, Bronco, don't think about me. Yeah, I can see that you need more room. But what happened to your plan? To build a home of your own. Oh, we're still dreaming of that. Yeah, I don't know if we can swing it. Well, might be worth looking into. There are quite a few good lots around. You might discover one right under your nose. That's possible. A lot of young couples manage to build homes somehow. Yeah, that's the spirit. If you feel you have to move, why move in with Mother Thompson? Yeah, I mean, why make a temporary arrangement? Go out on your own. Build. Look for the future. Oh, do you think so? Well, there's nothing I like better than to build my own roof over my wife and children. Oh, isn't he wonderful, Uncle? You bet. The more I think about it, the better I like the idea. Marge, before we make any decision, we ought to explore the possibilities. We might just be able to afford it. Yeah, the boy, nothing ventured, nothing gained. Oh, Bronco, if we could move into our own home, it would be our dream come true. It would be better than moving in with a nightmare. What'd you say, Mr. Gilder-Sleeve? Yeah, I said you might find you can make the move with money to spare. Zeef, that was close. We'll have to keep it going. Yeah, I'll work it through, Judge Hooker. He can find out who owns the lot next door. Yeah, I hope he's in. He's in, but he's dictating. Yeah, pardon me, Judge. One moment, Gilder, I'm dictating. Yeah, I know. The party of the second power, the party of the second power, the party of the second power named Bossy, jumped the party of the first part's fence and trampled his melon patch. Oh, my goodness. The old goat's defending a cow. Judge, I have to talk to you. I was just using my new dictaphone. You know, who made you decide to get one of those? I prefer it to his secretary. The dictaphone isn't always getting telephone calls from boyfriends during office hours. What's on your mind this morning? Judge, I've just about talked Marjorie and Bronco into building a home. You have? Ah. So the lovebirds are going to have a nest of their own? You bet. And I want you to find out who owns the lot next door to me. Oh? You then have the best real estate salesman you know submit it to Bronco, today. I'm quite busy, Gilder. Can't you do that? Judge, you don't understand. Bronco and Marjorie don't like to be pushed into things. That's why they haven't jumped at Mother Thompson's invitation to move in with her. Oh, now I see. I'm being subtle, Judge. Will you get on it right away? You may consider it done, old friend. Great. Now let me use your phone. Help yourself. Every young couple with a growing family should have their own little sanctuary against life storms. Or be it ever so humble, there's no place like home. Quiet, Judge, please. I'm calling Mrs. Thompson. Oh. Yeah, I can't wait to toss this monkey wrench into her scheme. Hello? Hello, Mother Thompson. This is Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve. Yes, Mr. Gildersleeve. I knew you were going to call Bronco and Marjorie this morning about moving over. So before you repaper your wing, I thought I should tell you something. Oh? It seems they're going to build a home of their own. They're looking for a lock. Well, I did tell them I thought it was a good plan. Busybody. You, Mother Thompson? You, Mother Thompson? You, Mother Thompson? She hung up. Hello, Bertie? Hey. You, I'm a little anxious to see Marjorie and Bronco. Are they home yet? No, sir. Miss Marjorie phoned this afternoon and said they were talking to a real estate man. You're good. Little plan is working, Bertie. I put the best real estate man in town on their trail. Yes, sir. I wonder how Miss Thompson's going to feel when she hears this. She's heard it. I made a point to phone her this morning. So she wouldn't be after Marjorie and Bronco to move over there. Yes, sir. Mr. Gillespie, you sure are a smart man. Well, Mrs. Thompson is beginning to realize that too. Just think, Bertie, they'll be living right next door. Won't that be nice? They'll practically be living here, running in and out, twins crawling back and forth over the fence. With adjoining property, Bertie will still be one big happy family. Yes, sir. Well, Bertie, look who's here. Hello, Unkie. We had the most marvelous day. Glad to hear it, mind you. Hello, Bronco. Mr. Gilder-Sleeve, we're about to start on the big adventure. Unkie, we're about to buy a lot. Great. Why is this step you've ever taken? Right, Bertie? Yes, sir. Oh, the real estate man was so nice. He made it all seem so easy. He did? Mm-hmm. You'll be surprised when you find out where the lot is. No, no, I won't. Will I, Bertie? No, sir. Oh, yes, you will. Yeah, oh, no, I won't. I had an idea you'd settle in this lot next door. Next door? Well, a man did call us about that lot, but the price is a little steep. Yeah, I knew you'd settle... you... with a lot of you interested in. It's right across the street from the Thompson's. Zeke. I wonder who told Mother we were looking at lots this morning? Yeah, I know. And I've got a good mind to punch him right in the nose. The Great Gilda Sleeve will be back in just a minute. 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No wonder Philadelphia cream cheese gives you such grand tasting fudge and such fine frostings as well. That's right, you can make marvelous smooth as satin frosting for your cakes and cupcakes with Philadelphia brand too. 18 different kinds of easy to make frosting. How? Better get a pencil and paper and jot this down. For the free pamphlet of more than 20 easy recipes for filly frosting and fudge, simply write to Craft Kitchen, box 6567, Department G, Chicago 77, Illinois. For this free recipe pamphlet, the address again is Craft Kitchen, box 6567, Department G, Chicago 77, Illinois. Well, the great Gildersleeve is a man who likes to keep the family circle intact. When it appeared that Marjorie, Bronco and the twins might leave him for larger quarters at the Thompson's, he quickly sold them on the idea of buying a lot. Of course, the lot he had in mind was next door to him, but the lot they have in mind is across the street from Mrs. Thompson. Yeah, Bronco, I wouldn't buy that lot. In fact, any lot without looking into it thoroughly. Oh, we're not going off the deep end, Mr. Gildersleeve, but now that we've made up our minds, we want to move fast. Uncle, you know we'd like to stay close to you, but we can't afford the lot next door, and we're so excited about getting started. Well, I understand, Marjorie, but we'd hate to lose you. Wouldn't we, Leroy? Yeah. That's awful good lot next door, Marjorie. It's good dirt. We like it, Leroy, but it's just... Piggy, and I used to dig trenches over there. You ought to take a look. The best dirt I ever saw dug. Oh, you're sweet, Leroy. We take it in a minute, Leroy, but we can't spend all our money for a lot. We have to build a house, too. Well, actually, you'll save money next door. Piggy and I have practically dug your foundation. Leroy, they don't want a house that looks like a pretzel. Oh, that reminds me, Marge. I told Mother we'd stop by this morning. She has some ideas about the type house we should build on that lot. Yeah, I'll bet she has. She's just like you, Uncle Mort. She's getting the biggest kick out of all this. Come on, Marge. We have a busy day ahead. I'm ready. We promise to let the real estate man know by this evening. Goodbye, Auntie Leroy. See you around. Bye. Yes, my boy. You're beginning to feel lonely? Yeah. Me, too. It's a blue day. Aunt, I have an idea. You know, when Marge was with us... Leroy, she's still with us. But anyway, when she was blue, she always went downtown and bought a new hat or something. Yeah, it always seemed to help. But you and I are blue. Why don't we take your $500 out of the bank and go buy the new car? No, Leroy. Sure, Ron. Can it do us good to take a ride? Leroy, I've already been taken for a ride. What can I do for you this morning? Nothing, Peavey. I just want to sit here at the fountain in a minute. My brain is tired. You don't say. I've been doing a lot of thinking. Well, the pharmacy carries rubbing alcohol for tired backs and liniment for tired muscles, but we haven't anything for tired brains. Unless you'd carry a rubble of liniment on your head. Well, thanks, Peavey. You know, I'm in no mood for liberty. Well, I am. I don't mind saying I feel pretty frisky this morning. Well, bully for you. I got up this morning before the alarm went off. I like to catch it napping once in a while. Yes, yes. I took my setting up exercise. I prepared breakfast for Mrs. Peavey and the parrot and got a cheery thank you in return. Yeah, I guess women appreciate that sort of thing. Well, the thank you was from the parrot. Mrs. Peavey won't talk until after her second cup of coffee. Yeah. Peavey, I think I'll have a cup of coffee. Very well. Maybe it'll help me get an idea. Peavey, Marjorie and Bronco are about to buy a lot. What's wrong with buying a lot? Nothing wrong with buying a lot. But this one was across the street from Mrs. Thompson. Man, man. I'm losing them, Peavey. They've got to figure out some way to stop them. Well, why don't you think of some way to discourage the purchase? You're the water commissioner. Why don't you flood the lot? What's this, Peavey? People are always reluctant to buy a lot if it's under water. Peavey is breaking my heart that the kids aren't buying next door to me. Why don't they? They feel the price is a little high. The real estate man said the owner wouldn't come down a penny. Too bad. You suppose it'd help any if you talked to the owner? Yeah, I don't think so. Sometimes a personal appeal is very effective. It might be worth a try. Maybe so. If you work it right, you might be able to shave off for Bronco and Marjorie. Yeah, George, I mind it that. Yeah, I'll go see him right away. And if that doesn't work, you can always threaten to cut off his water. Peavey! What a hard man that a lot owner is. You wouldn't budge a penny. Hello, Bertie. Is Margie and Bronco home yet? No, sir, but we got somebody else in the parlor. You? Who? Mr. Mrs. Thompson. You, my goodness. What are they doing here? Mrs. Thompson says she wants to talk to you. Well, I'll go in. Hello, Mr. Mrs. Thompson. Well, Gildersleeve. We're seeing a lot of each other. Yes, indeed. Mr. Gildersleeve, you're late getting home. We've been waiting. Sorry, Mrs. Thompson. Didn't know you were here. Gildersleeve doesn't know everything, Martha. I'm aware of that. Mr. Gildersleeve, I came by to make a suggestion. Another one? Yeah, I mean, go ahead, Mrs. Thompson. Since Bronco and Margie are buying a lot near us, I suggest that they move to our house immediately. But why? The children should be nearby to supervise the construction of their house. They're buying a lot to know Gildersleeve. Yes, I know. And with my experience in home-making, I can be of immense help. They can consult with me on everything. Oh, Mrs. Thompson, let's not move so fast. How do you know they bought the lot? Mr. Gildersleeve, I talked to the children this morning, and it was their intention to sign the contract today. Well, I... Oh, I know you wanted them to live next door to you, but I haven't been asleep, Mr. Gildersleeve. You just have to take your medicine. Are you sick, Gildersleeve? I don't know. Oh, well, the whole family's here. Hello, my dear. Hi, folks. Hello, children. Oh, yes. Hello. We've got great news for you. Margie and I have bought our lot. Oh? I told you so, Mr. Gildersleeve. Children, I was on the lot this afternoon, and I've decided on just the type house you should build. Uh, mother, we didn't buy the lot across from you. You didn't? No, we decided to buy this lot next door to Mr. Gildersleeve. You did? Ronco, you didn't. Now, by the top, he said he did. What's going on? Who did what? Leroy, we just bought the lot next door. Margie! Well, it was a funny thing. We can't figure it out. The man called us this afternoon and came down $500 on his price. $500? Well, imagine that. Mr. Gildersleeve? Yes, Mrs. Thompson? Did you have anything to do with this? Who? Me? Wouldn't she like to know? Great Gildersleeve will be with us again in just 30 seconds. Have you discovered the two wonderful new kinds of Philadelphia brand cream cheese? Now you can get delicately rich Philadelphia brand filled with tangy bits of fresh chives and Philadelphia brand with bits of red pimento all through it. Enjoy these new versions of Philadelphia cream cheese for a variety of easy delicious snacks and sandwiches. To get genuine Philadelphia cream cheese, make sure you see the Red Craft K on the silvery package you buy. Remember, there's only one Philadelphia brand and it's made by Craft and Guaranteed Fresh. It's been quite a day. It sure has. Yes, my boy. Pretty nice of that lot owner coming down exactly $500. Yeah, fine fellow. You know, I've been thinking about that new car we were going to get. Who? Our old car isn't in bad shape. How about it at last another year? Sure. Anyway, we won't have to drive much with Marge and Bronke living next door. Yeah, that's right. That seems to be out of cigars. How about letting me buy you one, uncle? You what? I've still got a quarter. Yeah, thank you, my boy. Dude, I'll get PB to charge you. Good night, folks. The Great Gilder Sleeve is played by Willem Waterman. The show is written by John Elliott and Andy White and is partially transcribed. Included in the cast are Walter Tetley, Mary Lee Robb, Lillian Randolph, Dick Brenna, Jeanette Nolan, Joseph Kearns, Earl Ross and Dick LeGrand. This is John Heaston saying good night for the craft foods company, makers of the famous line of craft quality food products. Be sure to listen in next Wednesday and every Wednesday for the further adventures of the Great Gilder Sleeve. You know, it takes three things to make a sandwich. The bread, then meat or cheese or egg, whatever you like best in between. And the third thing is, mmm, a touch of real mustard. For when you add a little mustard, you add a lot of tang. That is if it's crafts prepared mustard. There are two kinds, you know. Craft salad mustard, mild and delicately spiced and crafts mustard with snappy horseradish added. Have both on hand for different tastes, different uses. Remember, when you add just a little mustard, you add a lot of tang. Get crafts prepared mustard. Groucho Marx, you bet your life he's next on it.