 Hello, my beautiful internet friends. Welcome back. Thank you for joining me here today. This is a video that I thought about for quite some time and an event came up that was just perfect to film it for. First of all, I'm going up to Denver tonight, but not for the reason that you probably assume if you've been on my channel for a while, I'm not gonna go see a doctor. Thank God. We're headed up to Denver to go to a fancy Ferrari event. It's not what I would normally do. I'm not a rich YouTuber now who's going to crazy fancy car events. This is absolutely nothing to do with me. We have good friends who are involved with the Ferrari dealership. Hence why we got invited. Don't worry, I don't have Ferrari money. I have Netflix and sitting on the couch money. But it's exciting and a fantastic reason to dress up and go somewhere. It's a really exciting thing and something that I'm honored to be able to go to. However, it brings up something that people have asked me about recently and that I've thought about over the past 12 months. And that is the idea of physical confidence, body image, body confidence, as someone who has a very visible disability. When I first embarked on this journey of amputation, I did not expect the impact that would have on how I viewed myself and it's been a journey. So I'd like to take you on that journey with me for a few minutes today and talk about what I've learned about feeling good about myself as a person who looks different, as a person with disability. And this was also the perfect video to introduce you to one of our sponsors, Anna-Louisa Jewelry. May notice these adorable earrings. They were sent to me by Anna-Louisa Jewelry and I absolutely adore them. These necklaces are also from them. And one of the reasons that I'm excited about this company is because their company built on sustainability, which is something that matters to me. Did you know that it takes 20 tons of earth mining to create what is usually a single ring of gold? And that is why Anna-Louisa uses completely recycled gold to create their products. One of the issues with cheap breakable jewelry is that it's rarely recycled. Oftentimes it just breaks and it's a huge waste on the environment. Their products come from the same jewelers as Tiffany and Louis Vuitton. They offer a one year warranty on every product. And if you take a look at their website, I think you'll find some really, really cute ones. These are three that I picked out that I think will go well with what I'm hoping to wear tonight. I realize that this probably makes me sound uneducated but I honestly didn't realize that you could recycle gold. So when I read up on them and they reached out to me, I was really excited to hear it because I think the more that we can sustain the earth and also feel great about ourselves, the better. I'll talk more about this throughout the video but Jewelry of all varieties is something that's helped me feel a little bit more confident throughout this last year in particular. And I really appreciate Annalisa sponsoring this video. 10% of the proceeds are going to be donated to the National Alliance on Mental Illness. Thank you, Annalisa. So let's talk a little bit more about body image and body confidence as I find a dress to wear. Because apparently you're supposed to look nice at fancy events, so I've been told. How you doing? Something I did not expect when I first became an amputee was how much it would affect how I physically viewed myself, my body image, my body confidence. It's taken about a year to get to a point where I feel okay wearing a dress in public where people can very clearly see my carbon fiber rocket foot. And it's not super stressful or super scary because when our bodies change, sometimes that affects how we view ourselves. When it comes to confidence or body image, I think anyone will tell you it's like 95% in your mind. It's your mindset, it's how you view yourself. It's how you think about things. And here are a few things that have helped me. Some of them are mental but some of them are physical as well because you know what, sometimes outside forces influence internal ones. And this last year, it's been hard being comfortable with my body and that's something I've really struggled with throughout my life anyways, as so many of us have. It was super scary for me to go out in public and have like all eyes on me. And I think one of the most damaging things that we do or that I did at least was I assumed what other people thought. And I let that really affect how I viewed myself. I let that affect my body image. And if you're a person who has a disability and maybe especially a visible disability, I think we deal with this. That we assume the things that people are thinking or the things that people are saying. I know that for months, when I'd go out in public, I would like put myself together top to bottom, head to five toes because I knew that people were gonna be staring at me and my normal attire is like not super fancy. Some days I feel like wearing makeup because it's fun to me and some days I'll like do something with my hair rarely. But I'll usually wear like a hoodie and jeans. Something like that, simple, right? But I stopped doing that because I was like, no, I don't want people thinking I'm a bum and I'm missing a leg. I had this like terror of the judgment of what people would think. I would walk into a coffee shop because I'm often in a coffee shop, see so many eyes on me. And I made up these whole stories and scenarios of what they were thinking based on what I used to think, based on conversations I've overheard and this assumption of what other people were thinking about me damaged my life. It was exhausting to like force myself to get ready more than I actually wanted to for months whenever I'd go out in public or just not go out in public because it was too tiring from that kind of standpoint. To some extent, I'd actually say to the fullest extent what other people are thinking is not my business. My thoughts are my business and what other people are thinking can stay to themselves unless they wanna share it. When I sit there and I assume that people are thinking negative or weird things about me because I'm missing a leg, I create these whole scenarios in my head that are often A, completely untrue and B, super damaging. So over the course of months, I started playing a game with myself where I would make up stories about what people were thinking that had absolutely nothing to do with what I physically looked like. One thing that actually really helped was doing something that was really outside my comfort zone, which was dyeing my hair dark purple, right? My hair was purple, which is a color that I love and something I always wanted to do. I was super excited that I had it done but it was also not something that is normal for me to do. I've never done anything like that. When people would stare at me, when I had dark purple hair, it's easy for me to be like, oh, they're staring at me because I have purple hair and they think it's cool. Instead of me thinking like, oh, they're staring at me because they've never seen an amputee before and they don't know what to think. Playing tricks with my mind and making up stories was really helpful. I don't know if that would help you but maybe try it sometime if you deal with people staring at you. Try making up a story completely unrelated to what you're scared of about what people are thinking. Dye your hair or wear crazy clothes or do something outside of the ordinary. It helped me. Something else that helped me slightly more superficial but still legitimately helpful is experimenting with styles. As I realized that it wasn't super healthy to make myself into whoever I thought I should be for other people by forcing myself to dress a certain way whenever I went out in public, I also realized that it was kind of cool and fun to start experimenting with how I presented myself. So I changed my style up sometimes. I experimented with different jewelry. I experimented with different hairstyles and different colors of eyeshadow that I would never imagine wearing before. And though that's little stuff, I started actually having fun with it and figuring out like, oh, this brings me joy. This makes me smile or I have fun with this today. So whatever that looks like for you if you're a shoe person or a t-shirt person or a, I don't know, fill in the blank. For me, if there was something that I could physically put on to be that jewelry, clothing, or makeup that I was really excited about that made me feel good about myself it made how I viewed myself that day a little bit more bearable if I was having a hard time and if I wasn't having a hard time it was that much more fun. Behold, my closet full of t-shirts and hoodies. We got a couple options. One of my personal favorites or this guy, I think we're gonna go sleeves today. One thing that getting ready for a fancy event, Joe forgot to mention about body image is physical touch. And I'm talking about my own physical touch. Something that I noticed that was incredibly powerful that kind of snuck up on me especially when I was recovering from my first amputation was touching my leg. I had to do this as part of physical therapy. I had to do this to help with pain, right? But I noticed that in doing that in touching this part of my body that I was so incredibly uncomfortable with that I thought was really unattractive and weird and just ick. Spending time every day touching my leg massaging my leg, feeling it be a part of me was really therapeutic. And like I said, I didn't expect that at all. It helped me come to terms with the fact that it was a part of me now and this is what I look like. And I've noticed that that extended to other parts of myself as well. I'm not comfortable with all of my body all of the time. There are days that a lot of the disordered ways I used to think about my body and eating crop back up, I feel huge. I feel significantly overweight. I feel like certain parts of my body are just ginormous and oh, it just gets in my head sometimes and I will physically touch that part of my body. Like if I feel like my hips are whatever, I might actually spend time touching my skin and reminding myself that it's a part of me and connecting to my body. I think our culture and at least the way that I was raised in my part of the country demonizes bodies to some extent. We look at them as these things outside of ourselves. We look at them with a lot of judgment and spending time connecting with my own body has been really helpful. Yoga is extremely helpful for me when it comes to this. Meditation really helps people as well. It's not been as helpful for me, but it might help you. So those are a few things that might be worth looking into as well. What do we think about this dress, guys? Do we think this dress is appropriate for a fancy event? I'm gonna give it a shot. We're gonna try it out. Something else that has really helped me is videos and photography and YouTube in particular. Finding other people who looked the same as me, who were comfortable with themselves, whether that was amputees and cool pictures and cool shots on Instagram, or people missing legs just like me on YouTube and watching them go about life and how they perceive themselves and just even being able to see them on screen and watch how I viewed them and notice that I didn't see them as anything different was helpful to me. And then taking videos of myself and taking pictures of myself and seeing myself through literally a different lens has been honestly healing to me. I know that it can for some people become an unhealthy thing, but I think that there is a positive power in using viewing ourselves when we're trying to change the way we view ourselves. I think cool things can happen with that. On our way. Looking good. Mm, look at that man. Yeah. Oh. Did it, guys. We just got back from Denver. What a night. My leg feels quite horrible. I've got two blisters. That's new. It was actually really fun. We got to see our friends Aaron and Megan, Aaron, you might recognize from Life Palos, which is a YouTube channel that I love and follow. It was a lot of fun to go out and dress up and I walk into a room like I did today. Yeah, a lot of people stare at me, but it doesn't hurt me anymore. I don't make assumptions about what people are thinking unless I'm particularly insecure or something like that. And so it was just fun to be there. It was fun to dress up. It was fun to show off my metal, show off my leg. I feel like I'm getting to the point where maybe I can have a little bit of fun with it and I'm figuring out where this part of being a person with a disability or being an APT, figuring out what that means to my identity and where I want to put that. In all of this talk about how we view ourselves and body image and confidence and all of that, especially in the light of disability or physically looking a little different than most people around us, I really hope that you know that you are worth everything that your value doesn't come from your appearance. No one's value comes from that and that you are fantastic just the way that you are. There's nothing you need to change to have worth to have value. I know from personal experience that body image can sometimes get suffocating. If that's the case for you, find help. It's worth it. Time to take off this face makeup, getting some sweatpants. My natural state. Head to bed. Thank you so much for listening guys. Thank you to Anna-Louisa Jewelry for sponsoring this video, for letting me wear your beautiful pieces and keep them. I really appreciate it. Use that link for a beautiful jewelry and to help support this channel. Thank you to my patrons who make these videos possible and so much more. I appreciate each and every one of you who took some time to watch this video today. I hope you take some time to appreciate yourselves as well. You're worth it. I love you guys. I'm thinking of you and I'll see you in the next video. Bed time. Bye guys. Bye guys. And her from the sky.