 We invite you to enjoy life, life with Luigi, a new comedy show created by Cy Howard and starring that celebrated actor, Mr. J. Carol Nash, with Alan Reed as Pasquale. So when Luigi Vasco left Italy to start his new life in America, he promised his mother that he would write and tell her about his adventure. So now let's read Luigi's letter as he writes to Mama Vasco in Italy. Mama Mia, if you wanted to come to America, you wouldn't like it very much because of the people that are so nice and wonderful. Also, it's hard to believe how healthy and strong they are. Last week, I'm reading a paper that the three men hold up a train. But even this is not so wonderfully here because it is the same a paper is tell her how used to be a fellow Jesse James or who's a holed up a trainer all by himself. Besides, it's not the much more to write the song. Well, Luigi, I got a letter for you from Italy in a package. Oh, for my Mama Mia. Thank you, Mr. Mailman. Well, I wonder what's in the package. But first I read this letter. My dear son, Luigi, we're all fine here and I miss you very much. Last week, we have some excitement in our little town. Because of Mario, he's a fall off at the barn and a kill the cow. Yesterday, our appraiser chicken, Josephina, is a lay 14 eggs. This morning, she's so tired that she's asleep late. She's asleep so late that she's a no wake up for her husband, a Giuseppe. He's a no make cock-a-doodle-a-doo. And this morning, the whole town is a two hours later for work. We'll receive your presence, my son, and we thank you very much. Uncle Pietro says, a thanks for a flannel of bat-robe, it's too big. Also, thanks for a straw hat you send for his goat, that's too small. So I'm making a change and it's come out very nice. Uncle Pietro is aware of the straw hat and a goat is aware of the bat-robe. Also, Aunt Margarita is a sender, thanks for the toaster you send her, which is now broke. But Luigi is all you fault, my son. You should have told Aunt Margarita she must have sliced the bread before she's a pusher into the toaster. My son, thanks very much for the present you send to me, which I am now returning you. Luigi, what am I going to do with a black silk anitagon? I'm appreciating you send me nice American present. But maybe you exchange this and send me two nighter shirts. But I will never return anything to American department store. I wonder if a department store is a take back. Well, I go now to my night school class, so I ask my teacher, Mrs. Waltz. Music Now I'll call the roll. Mr. Basco. Present. Mr. Harwitz. Present. Mr. Olsen. Present. Mr. Schultz. Mr. Schultz, I can't hear you. Let's have your present. Nothing doing, you gotta wait till Christmas. Oh, thank you fellow boobers. Oh, I can hardly wait until Arthur Godfrey discovers me. Mr. Schultz, please, in the future when I call a roll, just say present. All right, present. Fine. Well, that's past. Mrs. Spaulding. Yes, Mr. Basco? If you wasn't speaking about the present, then I'ma got a problem. Well, what is it? Well, I'ma send my mama a present. She's a want to meet to exchange. You think that department stores are going to do this for me? Well, I think so. Just what did you send her? Well, I picked it out of the package. Here. Louis, here, black silk nightgown for your mother. Well, Olsen, I'ma want to give her something that she's never had before. Then why didn't you give her a zeeze and locker at the YMCA? Please, Mr. Schultz, please. Mr. Basco, I don't think you'll have any trouble returning the nightgown to the store. Oh, don't say that, Mrs. Spaulding. Oh, no, Luigi, you see me after class. Because with returning things, there's always lots of trouble. I remember when my cousin Wolfgang was first married. He bought his wife a bathing suit. The minute she tried it on, he wanted to make an exchange. And what's to happen? Nothing. Her father wouldn't take her back. Schultz, you know, I'm always a tribe to be like a good American. Is it nice to return things to the department store? Oh, what are you talking about, Luigi? American department stores like to give service. Here, if you don't exchange a present at least three times, they feel insulted. But, Schultz, I'ma buy this nightgown at two months ago. Is it not too long to haul something? Too long? In my own deli cartels. Yesterday, a lady walked in and wanted to return a salami she bought three years ago. But the why, Schultz? She kept that salami so long, when she tried to eat it, it bit her. Here's my store. I gotta leave you now. Goodbye, Schultz, and thanks for your help. Now I'ma not gonna worry about having trouble with the nightgown. What trouble, Luigi, believe me, in America everybody exchanges. Take my brother Hugo's wife. Now, Hugo bought her a radio. She didn't like it, so she exchanged it for a washing machine. She didn't like the washing machine, so she exchanged it for a refrigerator. But she didn't like the refrigerator, so she exchanged it for a studio couch. Last week, she brought back the studio couch and the department store got even with her. Who is she mad? What? They exchanged it for something she likes. Luigi, hello. What's going on? Hey, Luigi, what's that package you carry or do you have? Well, it's a black silk nightgown. I'm buying as a present. Oh, Luigi, that's a pretty. How do you know it's a rose as a birthday? How's the birthday? Pascuale, every time you see me carry something, it's a suddenly rose as a birthday. So far this is a year or she's a have a birthday four times. Can I help it if she's a like to blow out a candle? Pascuale, this nightgown is a not the ferocious. I'm a buy it for my mama, but if she's a send it back from Italy, I should exchange. Luigi, why go to all of this trouble? Give me this nightgown to my Rosa for engagement present. I buy you mama two new nightgowns. What do you say, my son? Pascuale, stop. I'm a no mariodore. She's a two fat. Always are you talk of fact that she's a very graceful. She's like a ballet dancer. There's a too much ballet. Now if you excuse me, Pascuale, I'm not going to the department store. All right, to go. Go. Don't give a rose a nightgown. Get in the trouble. Trouble? What do you mean? Tell me, little man, where you buy this nightgown? I'm a forget that. I think it was a marshal of field. Marshal of field? Oh, Luigi, don't you know it's a suicide at the start-up with the army like that? The army, what are you talking about? Marshal of field is a bigger department store. I always go there. Come here. I'm going to let you in on a top military secret. Huh? Just to say marshal of field a backward and what do you get? What? Field of Marshal. That's not all. This a garment is a God or what they call a cash surrender. Soon as you ask for cash, a field of Marshal is asking for your surrender. After that, the Marshal is to take you to court. And that's a terrible. That's called a court of Marshal. Pascuale, how do you know so much about the army? Maybe you forget. I'm a runner-rest around. All during the war, I'm a server draught of beer. But a Pascuale. But a Pasquale is only one little night to go on. Maybe if I'm a talk to Marshall in the field they make a formula exception. Go ahead and go ahead and start the trouble between the partners. So what's going to happen. Field is going to lock up at the store and a Luigi just to because of you is going to be no more Marshall a player. Oh wait to wait to Pasquale. I make a mistake. I'm going to buy this in a Marshall a field look at the label. Fliesha Brothers Incorporated. Fliesha Brothers Incorporated. Pasquale I'm ashamed. I'm a feel like a free man. Now I'm going to take it back to the store. Wait to Luigi. You in the worst of trouble you ever been in your life is even worse for me. What do you mean. Take a good look at this label of Fliesha Brothers Incorporated. What's the initials. FBI. That's right. But first there's nothing like taking the children along when you go on a honeymoon and when the bride is Claudette Colbert and the groom is Fred McMurray you're guaranteed a delightfully hilarious time. Tomorrow night CBS Lux Radio Theatre will present Miss Colbert and Mr. McMurray in just this situation in the newly released motion picture far family honeymoon from the instant the baby sitter walks out leaving Miss Colbert the widowed mother of three to face her honeymoon. You will have a sure cure for any Monday blue still left. So be with us tomorrow night when most of the same CBS stations present Claudette Colbert and Fred McMurray starring in family honeymoon. And now for the second act of Luigi Vasco's adventures in Chicago we turn to page two of his letter to his mother in Italy. And the song I'm in here but squirrelly who's in or everything about America. He's a kind of Vince me is a better if I don't to give her back at the night to God. Maybe you like that by you are the present. How's about the electric a fan is a wonderful intervention for keep any air cool and also very good for slicing a banana. Also they got what is it called the vacuum cleaner. You know how ladies is all the way to sweep the dust under the rug. Well with a vacuum cleaner you save all the dust in a bag. And then you push it under the rug in a one a bigger lump. So mama me if you let me know Luigi my fellow. But did you return the nightgown. Not sure if I'm bringing it back to the store the FBI is going to turn me over to the army for a court to marshal and Italy is going to lose the marshal a plan. The first time I was ever started by a nightgown. What I can't do with this tonight. You are stuck with the black night. There's only one thing to do. Then it was a dream court judge. Luigi who was the crazy idea into your head. Well but squirrelly. Luigi I bet you if I squirrelly told you the she for the railroad train you believe it but it's just the ship is a train. So for once he was right. No we see you gotta go with that. Hello Luigi. So what are you doing there. Never mind but squirrelly. Where did you get the nerve to tell Luigi if he brings back that nightgown he's going to change. Well I was it just a quote in the fifth amendment from the Constitution which says whereas the people are not going to exchange your things some of the people are some of the time is a no can exchange a black nightgown with other people all in time. Instead of fifth amendment. Well now I got you in a lie the fifth amendment is about prohibition. How you know Mr. Smart Alec that a whiskey is the fifth amendment. Everybody knows that because of that law whiskey comes in fifth. But squirrelly you are not telling the truth. Well Luigi maybe I was exaggerating a little before but it's only because I wanted you to marry my Rosa. And I thought it would be a fine engagement of present this nightgown. For Rosa this nightgown wouldn't cover her ears on a windy day. It's a lie. Rosa's got a small ears. Small ears. When she stands on a corner people come by and drop letters in. What are we standing around for? Luigi you heard him say he was fooling you. Come on. We go to the department store right now before he changes your mind. Well I go by first one. But squirrelly. What do you want. I'm sorry if he was a hurt. All right. Go go. But remember I'm a breaking your head from the older country. I'm a lover you like a son. You know I got a heart as big as a baloney. And if you is always a slice. That's the right to push squirrelly. He was always a full of baloney. You buy for squirrelly. It's a funny thing when I'm saying is it come out different. So he's a going to the department store and he's not going to have enough thing to do with a rose. Well we see if he's not going to have a little trouble. When you're a big brother but we see my brother who is reported that he's important. I know I have quite some brothers incorporated and give me the man as a place that. I'm a big brother bigger brother so I'm a big brother better. Hello manager. Fellas are coming to your store soon to bring a back a black and silver night. Name is a Luigi Bosco. Bosco. Be a BB. That's a matter, don't you know how to spell Bosco? Yes, yes, Luigi Bosco, that's all right. Look, I'm no squealer, but you better keep an eye on this fellow when he's a come in, because every time he's a community store, he's a take something and don't pay for it. He's a just a captain. That's all right, he's a kept everything. He's a what do you call a kepto maniac. What a lot of people in this department store. What's it have to go on over there? Count the girl is taken down a sign of stockings of $1.50. She's a putting up a sign of stockings of $0.80, $0.90. Mama Mia, look at all those ladies are rushing a bite out of sign. I wonder where I'm going to find the exchange of department. Ah, here's a sign on the wall. Second of floor. Underwear, foot to wear, hat to wear, table to wear, table to wear. Must be a new sign of people who wear the tables. Well, it looks like the only way I'm going to find out exchange of department is ask somebody. Hey, pardon me, mister. Can you help me? That shouldn't be impossible. I'm the floor walker. You're the walker? The floor walker. That's all you do? You walk on the floor? Yes, I've been walking the floor all day. Up and back, up and back for the past eight hours. What's the matter? Your wife is expecting a baby? No, I'm not married and she's not expecting a baby. Then why are you walking the floor? Because it's too crowded on the ceiling. Now what can I do for you? Well, I'm a liker very much if you tell me where's exchange of department. You see, I'm a got a blacker, so goodnight, the gown, and I'm alone. Please, I'm not interested in your personal life. As you get to the exchange department, which is next to our credit bureau, you go down aisle four here past ladies lingerie. Turn left at the water fountain to aisle six. Go up three counters, make a right turn, a left turn, then another right, and there you'll find the elevator. Take it up to the third floor. Get out of the elevator and turn right, walk down aisle 16 past carpets and grates, and there you'll find a fire extinguisher. Turn left at the fire extinguisher, walk down that long hall, and at the end you'll find the exchange department. Do you understand that? Huh? Please, do you mind if I'm asking you one question? What is it? You ever exchange a samba than a hair? No, I buy everything at the corner drug store. Look, my friend, why don't you ask the information girl on the first floor? Thank you, but how am I going to get to this girl? Escalator. Huh? I said escalator. But I'm going to want to escalate. I'm going to want to ask her now. Please, the escalator is right over there. Just get on it. I thank you. Oh, Mamma Mia. It's a wonderful way to get to the first floor. You stand still and the stairs will walk up. That's a funny thing. I'm going to do everything information a girl is telling me. I'm going to go up aisle 8 to down aisle 13 and pass the pots and the pans. I'm going to follow directions for two hours into what's to happen. I'm outside of the store. Well, I'm going to exchange this tonight for my Mamma. I'm going to try again. I'm an extra, Miss Exchange Lady. Oh, you've got no idea how happy I'm going to be to find you. It's attacking me all the day. Please, there's a long line. Is this the package you want to exchange? Yes. It's something I'm going to buy for my Mamma. But she's the one that's too flannel and I feel short. A black silk nightgown. When did you buy it? Well, I'm going to try to remember the time about Uncle Pietro's birthday. No, it was his goat's birthday. Uncle Pietro's not the 70 years old. There are people waiting impatiently behind you. Well, I'm going to try to give you the exact... Blacky's nightgown. I'm sorry, mister. I'll have to know when you walk this nightgown. Well, I'm a comer from Italy, November 12th. A week later, I was in Chicago, November 19th. A year and a two months after the doctor was January 19th. Three days after the doctor was Tuesday. Don't you remember when you... Blacky's nightgown. You're a... you're causing a disturbance. Now, there's only one way to tell when this was bought. Do you have your slip on you? Please, I'm aware shorts. I didn't mean that. Blacky's nightgown. Tell me, sir, was this ever worn? No, I'm a buyer at the brand new. I mean, did your mother ever wear it? I'm gonna think so. My mom has sent it back from Italy. Italy? Yeah, that's in Europe. I know. But I can't accept a garment that may have been worn. But to my mom is to say she's never wear it. But how can we be sure? No, no, no, no! Have your name. Huh? Your name, please. Bosco. Bosco? Yes, Luigi Bosco. Would you mind stepping back here? Our manager would like to speak to you. Mr. Brown? Mr. Bosco, will you go right through that door? Yes, sir. Thank you. Sit down, Bosco. Sure. What's the matter? Let's not waste any time. What have you got in your pocket? Nothing. I'm only bringing one nightgown. Layin' down, man. Well, we know all about you. You're a shoplifter. Please, I'm an everlifter shoppin' of my life. Cut the stalling. You buzz for me, chief? How long we got a tip on this man? Klepto. Not Klepto. He's a Bosco. I cut the comedy, Bosco. What did you rob out of this store? Rob, please, I'ma never do anything like that in my life. Don't give us that. You're making a bigger mistake. I'm Luigi Bosco. I'ma try to be good American. I'ma always obey the laws. I'ma see sign out the side that it says, uh, no parking. I'ma never sit down on that street. He's giving us a dumb routine. Alan, you better check with the police fire. No, please, sir. Excuse me, gentlemen. Do you mind if I come in? Pasquale. What are you doing here? I know you go to the department of store to exchange. You better get into trouble. Say, who are you? I'm a Pasquale. A propriety and owner of Pasquale is a spaghetti palace. Everybody in Chicago doesn't know me. These are my credentials. Uh-huh. Pasquale's saving me. These are people that say I'm a robber. What? This is an honest man, right, Luigi? That's right, Pasquale. I'ma bring him from Italy. I'ma know he's a mama, right, Luigi? That's right, Pasquale. If he was a crook, I wouldn't have him into my family. Your family? So is he gonna be my son-in-law, right, Luigi? That's right, Pasquale. Alan, I better check those files with you. Excuse us, gentlemen. Sure, sure, go check. Go ahead. We waited for you. Oh, Pasquale, I'ma kind of thank you. That's very simple. I'm happy to accept your proposal of marriage. Guess who's the waitin' outside? Rosa! Rosa! Luigi, you're going to Niagara Falls. What do you say? Too much! Mr. Basco, Mr. Basco, we just checked the files. I don't know what to say about this mistake. Well, you can have the store if you want it. Please, I don't know what to use the store. Just the one you should exchange with my momma's a night to garner for a two-pair plan on a night to show. Oh, gladly, Mr. Basco, gladly. You'll get three pairs. And please, please forgive us. I can't understand who could have given me such a terrible tip. Well, I'm glad I got here in the time. Come on, Luigi. I can even remember the way he said it. The name of this store to call you a Keptomaniac. Keptomaniac! That's it! You're the man who gave me the tip. Hey, you! Me? Him! What should I say? Shut up, you pain! My son, what about the honeymoon? You got a Niagara fulsa with your own the barrel. Good to buy it. So, my mommier is a long story to tell. But it's enough to say that even though I'm all the most to go to jail, I'm a finally exchange your black to silken night to garner for a three wool and a night to show. I'm happy to send one more than you ask because I know in Italy nights is a cold and a three night shirts is a warmer than a two. Anyway, I'm going to learn a plenty about a certain friend. Hi, Luigi. I got a letter for you from Italy. Oh, thank you, Mr. Mailerman. Well, I wonder what... my mommier. Dear son, Luigi, I hope there's not too much trouble for you, but I'm a change in my mind. I'm a no-want to flannel a night to shirts, so please send the back of black to silken night to garner my mommies. We should have looked at the next week at this time or the most of these stations when Luigi Vasco writes another letter to his mama Vasco describing his adventures in America. Life with Luigi is a Cy Howard production and is written by Mack Benhoff and Lou Dermond and directed by Mack Benhoff. Dave Carol Nash is starred as Luigi Vasco with Alan Reed as the swallow. Hans Connery to Schultz and Mary Ship as Miss Balding. Music is under the direction of Lynn Murray. More than that will be in the fire tomorrow night when my friend Irma, CBS' lovable but dumb Monday Night Blonde, cries to woo her boyfriend Al with some home cooking. After all these years, Irma has now become convinced that Al has not popped the question because he doubts her popovers. Tomorrow night, Irma depends on romance coming by way of the skillet. But will it? You can hear the results on most of the same CBS stations. Now stay tuned for a special half-hour broadcast celebrating the first anniversary of the establishment of the ECA which follows immediately over most of these stations. This is CBS, the Columbia Broadcasting System.