 My body knew that I was in a situation I shouldn't have been before my mind did. If you are in a relationship where you can't be 100% honest about it with the people in your life, that's not the relationship for you. At that point, they don't love you for you. They're trying to change you into the version of you that they want to love. Hello, hello, everybody. Welcome back to my channel. If you're new here, my name is Sam. I post all things lifestyle, faith, travel vlogs. Lately, there's been some cat content. This channel is essentially a video diary of my life. If you are listening on Spotify, hello. I'm glad you're here. Welcome to episode 18 of The Walk podcast. We are getting up there, guys. We're almost to episode 20, which is wild. I think episode 20 is going to end up being a Q&A of some kind. Maybe I'll do that every 10 episodes or so. I feel like I've been doing this for way longer than 18 episodes, but at the same time, I also feel like I've been doing this for about five seconds. So time is just a really weird thing. But I hope that you're all doing well. I hope that work is going great, that your family is okay, that you are feeling happy and that everything is going well for you. And if it's not, just know that I hear you and I see you and I'm thinking of you. And remember that everything has a season and nothing is forever. And I know that you will be okay sooner than you think. So I love you guys. Thank you for being here. What's new with me? I mean, I feel like this cat is my personality. If you are new here, I have an 11-week-old Siberian kitten. Her name is Luna. She is a beautiful girl. She just heard her name. She is sitting next to me. She was napping, but I think she's starting to wake up now. So I'm sure she will make an appearance in a few minutes. But she is just, she is my life now. She is getting older, so she doesn't need me for every little thing anymore because she was very, very self-reliant or she was very reliant on me, I should say, for a while. But she is still a baby. She's still got all this energy. She still needs a lot of care. And so I really like, I joke all the time, but it's also not really a joke that she is kind of my personality and my life right now. And if you know me, you know that I'm a very like routine person. I like my routine. I like my schedule. I like my filming schedule, my workout schedule, my, you know, I just, everything is kind of routine. That's just kind of the way I was raised, I think. And it's just translated into my adult life. And this little fur ball over here has kind of disrupted that a little bit, but I'm learning, I think it's good practice for me. Just it's a good life lesson. It's learning to have grace with myself. It's learning that life isn't always a schedule thing, that things are going to change and that you have to be flexible with certain things. And so that's the season that I am in right now, where it's like, okay, if I miss a YouTube video, it's not the end of the world. Also last week, I was pretty sick. I mentioned it over on my main channel, one of my last videos, but I was pretty sick. And so filming was like out of the question. I could not, like, you know, when you're just so congested that your whole face hurt and your teeth hurts, like your teeth hurt, all of it. I was poor, poor grammar that I just, but you know what I mean. Like everything up here just hurts. And so filming was out of the question. And she has kind of made sleeping a little challenging as of lately, because she just, like, if she wakes up at five a.m. and she wants to play, she's going to wake me up. And so I haven't been sleeping super fantastically. And I think that was why it was so hard for me to get over whatever a little cold I had. I still think my voice is still a little deeper than normal. But I'm not really sick anymore. But I do feel like a little bit of the remnants in there. I know that's super cute. But honestly, she brings so much joy to my life and the life of everybody that comes over here, my friends and my family, everybody loves her. And she's just so adorable. Like if you look at her face, I kind of hope she does come over eventually, maybe hopefully later in the video. But if you see her face, she just looks like such a little girl. Like she is just, I just love her. I love her so much. So it's, it's all worth it. But yeah, I definitely was struggling a little bit with like my lack of routine. And one of the things that I was slacking in, honestly, was my quiet time was my time with the Lord was getting into my word. Since I think like August to, you know, mid February when I got her like I was reading my Bible like five, six times a week every morning I was in the word I was in prayer I would sit for like 20 minutes and talk to God about anything and everything. And when you're in that this has nothing to do with what I'm going to talk about by the way. This is just my intro and like my catch up how have things been. I was really slacking in that area. Because when you're in when you're reading the word and you're in prayer and you're doing all those things like that's when God kind of really like, like he could speak to you whenever, but that's when he really like, that's when like things happen, at least in my experience. That's when I would like, I would learn things and I would hear, you know, hear things and just like that's where I felt like my character was really developing. And I haven't had that time because she I don't know what it is. I don't know if it's because the pages of my Bible are so thin like she loves my Bible the sound of the pages like the ribbon that's in it she loves it. So if she's awake like it's really hard for me to get into the word and I could like read it on my phone but even like she loves my phone too she just wants to be a part of everything that I do which I love but it's made it hard and what I noticed actually last week I had this revelation where like I noticed that the way that I was thinking about certain things was different. It was like my old mindset like something that I would have thought a year ago or I found myself like cursing again like the curses would just the words would just come out and I wouldn't even like really think about it and then I would hear myself say it and I would be like whoa where did that come from because for months I've been doing so well that was one of the goals I set for myself was I didn't want any foul language coming out of my mouth and I had been doing so well and I noticed that as I was farther away from my Bible and farther away from spending time with God the words were coming out and I was like oh no no no that's a problem obviously I'm give I gave myself grace I'm not you know um I'm not saying like God is shunning me because I didn't read my Bible like he knows my intentions all about the state of your heart and I just was having a hard time adjusting because of Luna um but I it was just that was like the first time I really kind of noticed like whoa and I'm really not in my quiet time and I'm not like surrounding myself with God's presence that's when my flesh kind of comes back in and really sort of like takes takes hold of of me and my actions and my words and anyway so this week it's only Tuesday but this week I really started to get back into it um and I feel so much better I feel so much more at peace and it's just because that's such a big part of my routine now is my quiet time that when I don't have it I just feel all sorts of off I feel myself getting more irritated with that co-worker a lot quicker or you know um maybe I'm on the phone with my mom and I get a little snappy you know like I really saw the effects of it in my life and so that's very interesting it was just like it was kind of a learning experience honestly because distractions kind of create a foothold for not so great things to come into your life anyway that's we're not getting into that that's a whole other subject in and of itself but um I'm coming back now and I feel I feel good I feel better and just in time for today's episode episode 18 where we're going to talk about how to know that something is not for you and more specifically how to know that a relationship is not for you now take everything of what I say I take everything I say with a grain of salt okay this is based on my experience um in the past of like you know coming out of a relationship coming out of just even like people that I dated last year like as you're dating you're kind of learning is this person for me is this person not for me like that's a big decision you know that's the whole point of dating right um so I learned a lot about how to follow you know your those intuitions and those feelings and how to kind of decipher whether this is for you and not for you um and while dating can be fun it is fun it should be fun if it's not fun don't do it take a little break because maybe that means that you're not ready but dating should be fun but it's also a big decision at the end of it right it's either gonna if you're dating it's either gonna end in you're no longer together and maybe someone's feelings are gonna get hurt or maybe you're gonna marry this person like these are big decisions so I wanted to talk about based on my experiences how to know that someone is not for you again everyone's situation is different but these are my experiences and then I want to talk about a little something a little something at the end um that I've also learned based on past experiences Luna's here you can't see her yet but she's right here below if you're just listening on audio she's like very very close to my tripod off to the the corner here do you want to come here do you want to come say hi let's say hi to the people do you remember the last time she was here look how much bigger she is look at her she is growing this is an 11 week old princess I think her eyes are a little sensitive to the light because she has those light blue eyes but anyway let's get into it oh I don't want you on the side with all the wires that's going to be a problem um she's still coming off her nap so hopefully she's just gonna she's gonna lay back down but okay you know me I'm gonna go into my notes maybe you go back over here yeah okay so I have like four four things uh like subtopics that I want to talk about on this topic so the first thing I don't know someone is not for you is that you will not have peace in here like inner peace you will be questioning things maybe they're not pursuing you with clarity maybe you're really just not sure and I'm not talking about you've only been on one date or two dates because at that point I don't think you should be sure yet you're still you don't even know that person yet after one or two dates so I'm not talking about that but I'm talking about like maybe you're in a relationship at this point and you're still just like you're not sure that's called not having peace and that is one of the biggest signs that something may not be for you and you're you're feeling so much like uncertainty and that also might just mean that maybe you're maybe you're not ready to date or maybe the other person is not ready to date so when you don't feel that inner peace when you're not constantly questioning or you feel the need to like talk about it to all your friends because you just want to talk it out and get people's advice that's not necessarily bad but when it's constant and you're like I just don't know I just don't know like you tell me what should I do that's a good sign that maybe that's not the relationship for you and I also think in that of like that uncertainty in that like lack of peace similar note your body will tell you this was one of the biggest things I learned last year our bodies are crazy smart they know things before our mind even does your body will tell you when you're in something a situation a relationship or whatever that you shouldn't be in so maybe you're up all night because your mind can't rest because you're thinking what if what if what if you have all these questions you have all this uncertainty maybe you feel like your body is always tense it's because you're anxious those are all signs that hey maybe your body is trying to warn you of something my in my experience I learned that I hold a lot of anxiety and a lot of worry in my tummy in my stomach area and a couple like my cousins do too so maybe it's just like a common thing a lot of people do I learned that I hold a lot of it here and she remember I told you she liked my bible she likes my bible I should have put that away that's my fault but but I learned that I hold a lot of that there so what I didn't realize is that when I was in my last like long-term relationship I'm sorry guys bear with me when I was in my last long-term relationship I had so many tummy issues and I spoke about it on my channel too where I thought something was actually wrong with me everything I ate I was so bloated I was in pain I had kind of TMI but we're all friends here I had problems like going to the bathroom I was always uncomfortable it didn't matter what I ate I thought I had to go gluten-free I thought I had to do all these things I spent so much money going to the GI the gastrointestinal I can never say that gastrointestinal that's wrong the GI it's incorrect going to the GI all for them to tell me that they didn't see anything wrong and when if you don't know when a GI when you go to them and you're like I have so much stomach issues and I'm having all these problems when they run all these tests I got like the um celiac test I did all the samples I did blood work all of it and it all came back clean so when that happens the GI is basically just going to tell you that you have IBS that's it so I was diagnosed with IBS while I was in my last relationship and I thought that I was like okay I'm really having problems like this is a thing maybe you know it developed as I got older and my body just is super sensitive to things now and blah blah blah blah blah what I was really experiencing was anxiety and my body knew that I was in a situation I shouldn't have been before my mind did I found out almost a year after my body did that hey you shouldn't be in this relationship because let me tell you when my relationship ended after like two weeks of like being really really sad I mean I was sad for longer than that I don't want to sound cold-hearted but like the first two weeks were like devastatingly sad after I got through those first two weeks I was fine like I can eat whatever I want now minus ice cream that's just that's different but everything else if I want a slice of pizza if I want pasta if I want this or that or whatever I can literally eat whatever I want and I have no problem sure I get bloated every once in a while everybody does but nothing to the extent nothing to the extent that I was feeling while I was in a situation that was not serving me I even in that relationship like I had um I've talked about the situations of fainting and I'm not blaming that solely on like the relationship there were also external factors of of that but my body was just telling me like hey something is not right so your body will tell you if you feel constantly tense if you feel like you constantly have stomach aches for no reason granted some people actually do have IBS but if this came out of nowhere and it maybe started around the time where you entered a relationship or you started talking to somebody or this that and the other thing it is something to note because your body it could be trying to tell you something I'm telling you our bodies are crazy and you're going to try to suppress it it's natural you're going to be like oh it's something else oh it's IBS oh it's whatever and you're going to try to suppress it but really try try your best to listen to your body because it's really smart and it's going to tell you things that may take you a lot longer to figure out on your own so that's the first one you just you and your body and your mind will just not have peace the next one is you will know that a relationship is not for you if you find yourself having to constantly lie about things that are happening in your relationship or lie about how the relationship is going to your loved ones to your friends and your family if you are in a relationship where you can't be a hundred percent honest about it with the people in your life that's not the relationship for you because a relationship should be easy it should be founded in trust it should be found in you know not everybody's perfect your your loved one whether you're married whether you're in a relationship just dating whatever like your your partner is going to probably hurt your feelings occasionally even if it's unintentionally you know they're going to let you down everybody's everybody's normal nobody's perfect right but when you feel like you really have to hide things from the people in your life that's how you know i did it i a couple times couple times i did it i remember towards the end of my last relationship where something kind of went down and i will never forget when i got lunch with an old coworker of mine that i was no longer working with but we wanted to catch up when we got lunch and she was like so how's your boyfriend like he's is he treating you good and i was like yeah uh-huh sure is again not to say i was perfect but something big had just happened like a couple days beforehand and i was like yep he's treating me so well he's treating me so well and you try to like overcompensate but it's not the truth it's not accurate similar the same occasion it was the holidays and i brought my my person that i was in a relationship with over to my family's house and you know it was christmas you know gifts were given food was food was given drinks were given hospitality was served all the things and then after everything ended my family was like wait a minute this was happening and you let us shower them with gifts and food and and all the things and they were like how like why would you let us do that they weren't mad at me but they were like how would you let us do that and the reality was i knew that if i told people what was going on people would have told me this relationship needs to end not to say that all the blame would have been on them they would just probably would have said this relationship is not for you this relationship is not healthy you need to you need to go and i didn't want to hear it i didn't want to hear it because at the time i was afraid to start over i was afraid to you know of the unknown i couldn't imagine my life without this person we've all been there i'm sure um and i just couldn't imagine it and so i didn't want to hear it because i knew what i was going to hear and so i chose to keep everything a secret so i'm telling you if you are in a relationship where you feel like you have to hide their actions maybe they make you cry maybe they don't you know affirm you the way you need them to maybe they don't hear you out maybe they cheat maybe they you know whatever and again nobody's perfect but i'm talking about the big things where they are really like not taking you into consideration and they are not respecting you and you know and you want to talk to the people in your life about it but you feel like you can't that's how you know it's not for you if you are in a relationship where you feel like you can't be a hundred percent you know um honest about it you can do better you can do better the next one this one's kind of a tricky one but you'll know this person is not for you if the people closest to you or like hey maybe this isn't the best relationship for you now i say this one is tricky because especially when you have a lot of loved ones in your life and you have a lot of opinions coming your way and people are you know you just have a lot of opinions and those opinions can a lot of times cloud yours so i'm gonna say proceed with caution on this one because you can't trust everyone's opinion but if multiple people that you really respect and love and you know they love you are coming to you and they're like they're expressing concern or they're like hey hey sam like you know i don't know about this then that's something to consider now in my case none of my loved ones ever did that because uh they didn't know what was going on so they couldn't have done that but i think if they did they would have been like hey sam i don't think this is super healthy for you i think we should maybe reconsider this relationship okay so definitely proceed with caution on this one and of course at the end of the day like you should know your relationship better than anybody else so you know better right but keep in mind that the people in your life sometimes they can see things that you can't see you ever heard of like rose colored lenses when you're just infatuated by someone and you don't see their faults you don't see anything wrong with them they are just perfect in your eyes that's when you need people to come in and kind of give you a reality check um and the reality is like every relationship is going to change you even your friendships like platonic relationships they change you because the more you start to hang around somebody you know their actions may rub off on you or their taste in music may rub off on you or their taste in shows or whatever it's just that's just natural that's what relationships are like but i'm sorry Illumina is playing with my laptop and i want to make sure she doesn't stop the recording um but sorry guys for these distractions um and these interruptions but um that's when you need people to kind of call you out on it and what i was saying is that relationships change you and sometimes when you're so infatuated with someone it makes you blind to the ways that you are changing so people who knew you well before the relationship started those are the people that their opinion kind of matters because they can see things that you can't and this is why it's so important to have like accountability partners and to have counselors and to have a mentor i don't have a mentor yet but i really really want one and i'm hoping i can you know form that kind of relationship with someone at church and it should be someone who is older than you who is a couple steps ahead of you in life somebody who like for example i would like to be a mother and a wife someday so i would want a mentor who is a mother and a wife because she can kind of help lead the way for me and and you know and we have similar faith and we have similar values and ideas and whatever and so she will be able to mentor me and hold me accountable and and all the things so have you know four three four people in your life that you really confide in that know you inside and out that can kind of give you those reality checks when you need them because listen we all need them we are all human we are all imperfect we are all clouded you know what i mean so that's why you need people to kind of pull you up and be like hey this may not be the right one for you so all that to be said if you are noticing that multiple people in your life are coming to you with concern proceed with caution not saying break up right away but think about it and really meditate on it okay and the last little topic before we get into the other subject i want to talk about um if this person that you're dating i'm sorry i'm laughing because she's biting my fingers if this person is pulling you farther away from the things that you value and the boundaries that you set for yourself this person is not for you meaning as a woman of faith right my in my example using myself as an example if there are certain boundaries that i have set in place maybe i i don't want to go to these places anymore or i'm not going to get drunk anymore or whatever things that are really important to me i don't want to curse anymore whatever i don't want to watch that particular type of movie anymore if my boundaries and my values are set and they have been spoken out loud and they have been expressed and this guy comes to me and is like but it's not a big deal who cares it's not a big deal you'll be fine that's not the person for me the person that you're with should push you closer to your values and your boundaries and you should have similar values i think personally because it's just going to make your life so much easier not to say that you have to agree on every little thing but it's it's going to make your life a whole lot easier so um yeah if he if he comes to me he's like it's not a big deal that's not the person for me um i wrote here the right person may or may not agree with every single thing that you do but regardless they will respect it and never push you into behaviors that you have already laid down because at that point if they're doing that they don't love you for you they're trying to change you into the version of you that they want to love oh okay that was a bar i didn't even write that down that just kind of came to me um but it's true it's true and so while we're on the topic of values and and boundaries and things like that i want to talk about a topic that i have kind of spoken about a little bit but i want to talk about it in a little bit of a different light today so i have talked about on this podcast before what it means to be unequally yoked with someone it says it in the bible that you should not be an you should not be yoked with another believer you should not be in a relationship with someone that is unequally yoked so what that means is in in the bible it talks about it explains what a yoke is and i also had to do some research on this but a yoke is essentially it was a piece of material i don't know if it was metal or whatever it probably was where it would be placed on two animals two oxes two horses whatever it would bind them together and then together they would pull they would they would do yard work they would do all the things and so the animals were always equally yoked meaning you would never get an ox and a horse you would never get a horse and a donkey you would never get a donkey and a sheep you know you would never get animals that were different because if they're unequally yoked you have a horse and a and a and a donkey let's just say i don't know the horse is going to be a lot faster it's going to be a lot stronger and they're not going to be able to go together at the same speed they're not going to be able one is going to slow the other one down one is going to pull the other one back one may pull one the horse is stronger so maybe the horse is going to pull the donkey in another direction that they're not supposed to go because they're unequally yoked that is the kind of illusion that the bible gives for a relationship with someone that you are not on the spiritual the same spiritual level with where if me for example i go to church every single sunday and i read my bible maybe i'm dating someone who doesn't do any of that maybe at a certain point they're going to pull me away from all the things that i value and all the things that i want to do because that's just what happens when you're in a sort of relationship with that sometimes so the bible just kind of just avoid that right so can i say something real quick can i say something you can be unequally yoked with another christian some people will just like i've heard people say like all you need to know oh they're a christian they go to church that's all you need to know that's false false i i am living proof that it is false okay you could be dating someone with christian tattoos across in their instagram bio a scripture in their instagram bio uh they could go to church every sunday they could volunteer a church every sunday it doesn't matter it means it really and i'm not even trying to be funny it really doesn't mean anything it doesn't what matters it's what's in here it what happens in the heart it's the state of the heart that matters so you can absolutely be in a relationship with someone who is unequally yoked i've even heard people say like for me like oh he's a christian you can date him it's like well i don't even know him what if i don't like him we still have to be compatible just because someone slaps the the the label christian on themselves doesn't mean anything doesn't mean they're a good person doesn't mean they're a bad person it just it's a label so i want to talk about that a little bit because the older i get the more i learn that it really has to do with the person and the heart and their intentions um and so i i wrote down you have to look at the fruit of their life and the fruit of their life is basically everything that comes off of their life who they hang out with what they do in their free time what their what their uh their goals are what benefits they see from the hard work that they do you know things like that the fruit is really their actions and what their actions produce essentially so i wrote down a scripture here it's matthew 717 through 23 and it says a good tree produces good fruit and a bad tree produces bad fruit a good tree can't produce bad fruit and a bad tree can't produce good fruit so every tree that does not produce good fruit is chopped down and thrown into the fire yes just as you can identify a tree bright by its fruit so you can identify people by their actions not everyone who calls out to me lord lord will enter the kingdom of heaven meaning just because you go to church and you say you pray and all the things it doesn't necessarily mean anything go with me here only those who actually do the will of my father in heaven will enter on judgment day many of you will say to me lord lord we prophesied in your name and cast out demons in your name and performed many miracles in your name but i will reply i never knew you get away from me can you imagine you get to the gate of heaven you're like well i went to church every sunday i'm a good person and god looks at you and says i never knew you can you imagine oh that's my biggest fear that's my biggest fear all that means is that it's in it's about what's in here so don't be fooled because i i've done it a couple times not once not twice probably three times at this point where you're like oh he's a christian man of faith he says he wants a godly marriage okay this is gonna be perfect no some of those have actually hurt me worse than other people but we won't get into that but you understand what i'm saying you know is he is is this person saying all the right things and doing all the right things or does he genuinely mean it or she depending on who you are and what you're into is this person saying all the right things and doing all the right things because it sounds good it looks good it makes people admire them or are they saying it because it's that's really what's in their heart because give it time whatever i forget what the scripture is but somewhere in the bible it says guard your heart because whatever is in your heart is going to flow out of your mouth eventually you're going to see it they may be able to hide it in the beginning but eventually you're going to see it because you can't keep it contained for long some people are better at hiding it than others trust me you're going to see it at some point so rather than wait and get super attached and then get really heartbroken when it doesn't work out look for the fruit ahead of time do they just want to take you to the bar every weekend or do they want to wake up and take you to church do they want to lead you in your relationship in prayer or do they just want to lead you to the bedroom are they only looking for the next pretty little thing or are they interested in protecting your heart what do they do in their free time who are they friends with these are the things that you have to look for don't be fooled by a label look at the heart look at the fruit and if this person comes to you and they're like i want to be in a relationship with you but you don't know all these things about them it's okay to say hey i'm not ready i still want to get to know you more and if they can't respect that then that's definitely not the person for you so all this say look for the actual contents of their heart and the rest will come with it i hope this helped i hope this made sense i hope this resonated with you thank you so much for being here i would love to hear your thoughts as always i love reading your comments down below thank you for being here whether you're on youtube or spotify and i will see you guys in my next episode bye guys